Friday, October 19, 2012

Got some great naughty bits (boys and girls!)? Enter a competition!

Yes, you read that title right.  If you have a great dick or a great vag, there are competitions for you!  And if you think yours is the best - then damn it, enter and tell me about it. 

1. Smallest Penis Competition
Ahh, yes.  For my man friends who weren't so well endowed at birth, why not use your teeny peeny for good use!  The Danish website Singlesex.dk wants you to stop on by and enter your junk in it's Smallest Penis Contest.  Site owner might be one of those teeny peeny men, as he said, "There are so many unhappy men out there, who think they have to have a giant penis,but its not normal to have a huge one." And remember, as I noted here - guys, you can gain an inch of penis length for every 35lbs lost.

2. Miss Beautiful Vagina Pageant
Now, I doubt the Vag Pageant has the same girls as the "real" pageants, but why not!  This woman won in 2011!  The Annual Vagina Beauty Pageant happens each year at Club Rouge in Portland Oregon (which of course is a strip club).  And if your vagina is beautiful enough you can win a nice $500 (which should probably cover the waxing costs for a year).  Apparently, the judging involves a panel of judges and magnifying classes and vajazzling is highly encouraged!  If you want an excellent first person account read this bloggers account (with an appropriate blog title of tits and ass)

3. The Strongest Penis Competition.
I don't know about you, but I'm not exactly interested in a strong penis.  I'm not sure what the real applicability of it is, it's not like you are balancing on it (and if you are - good for you).  But if you have a strong dick, head on off to Taiwan where Qigong (the crunchy types) compete in strength competitions such as swinging heavy weights or pulling ten-ton vehicles with their cock.  Umm, yeah

4. Vagina Weight Lifting Competition
And the strength competitions is not just for the boys, women you can enter the Vagina Weight Lifting Competition!  But if you hope to win you will have to battle against Russian Tatiata Kozhevnikova who is the Guinness World Record holder (yikes, I can't believe that Guinness approves of that!)  But her vag can lift a custom bar bell made of 2 glass balls weighing 31 lbs.  Sounds damn painful

5. Masturbate-a-thon
This one is for the girls AND guys.  If you think that you are amazing at maturating, this competition is for you!  Enter the Annual Masturbate-A-Thon.  For the guys, there are awards for Longest Time Spent Masturbating (this year Sonny Nash broke the world record for going at it for 10 hours and 10 minutes).  And D. Hardie won for shooting his junk the longest distance.  Think you can measure up?

6. Air Sex World Championship
And you thought you were good at air guitar, how about trying your hand at air sex.  How do you do that you ask... easy, think Meg Ryan in When Harry Met Sally and then add actual sex motions.  Yup, simulate sex in the air.  And this is not a onesisie-twosie kind of thing, there are local and a national championship!  Just make you follow the official rules: (1) you have 2 minutes to perform an air sex routine to music of your choice; (2) everything must be simulated; and (3) you must have at least one invisible person or object that you are performing the sex act with.

7.  Nudes A Poppin Festival
Well, do you look great nude?  How about heading down to Roselawn, Indiana and compete in one of the many of the competitions at the Nudes A Poppin Festival.  One of the pageants crowns the title for Mr. and Ms. Nude Entertaining (do they get a crown, and if you wear a crown, are you still nude?)

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