Beauty Blender.... Balls

First, I cannot believe I'm writing this, and second I cannot believe this was something that someone actually did.

Yes, a girl posted a video on twitter of herself using her boyfriend's testicles as a beauty blender.  For my lovely men readers, a beauty blender is a sponge that helps put on makeup and makes sure the makeup is blended.  Picture proof to the left

My only thought is that the video was posted on twitter at 9:00pm, so hopefully one or both of them were drunk at the time, but 9 pm - even on a Saturday night is a bit early.  Obviously, this is a NSFW video, but if you need proof, check it out...

https://twitter.com/punkzillaa/status/855994744501133312/video/1

They already have over 27K retweets and 39K likes (and counting.)

Dating is hard.

Yes, it's been a long ass time since I've written on here.  That's for many reasons.... I'd like to say it was because I was not single (i.e. in a relationship), but that's not quite the case.  I was "dating" a man who I thought was dating me.  Turns out, I was the other woman.  Yes, I was THAT woman.  But before you all hate on me, I didn't know.  Yes, there were signs, but I got really good at justifying them.  And all that he said indicated that there wasn't anyone else.  I also allowed him way too much leeway and justified many of his actions  to myself.  Stupid.  Yes, I feel stupid.

But, it's been MONTHS since facebook fatefully suggested I "friend" his girlfriend.  Long story, but I instantly was done.

I've also gone through some serious life changes, the loss of a beloved dog after 12 years of blood, tears, and fur - lots and lots of fur.  I also changed jobs - got a large raise, more flexibility, and less "overtime"... until recently, as work as ramped up like crazy again.  Working  7 days a week is not for the wicked.

But, back to the topic at hand.  Dating is hard.  Dating in DC is harder.  Dating at 36 in DC is nearly impossible.  I've tried nearly every website and dating app known to (wo)man.  And it nearly follows the same roadmap -- you meet someone on app/website, exchange pleasantries on the app, move up to exchanging phone numbers, text nearly constantly for days or weeks, finally schedule that first date, first date seems to go decently enough, follow up with a text thank you, and then a few very awkward texts follows... and either you and he drops contact.  It's all over except the fat lady singing (and you don't want me to sing - I'm tone deaf).

And that roadmap is ONLY the case when you actually get to actually have that first date.  Often the constant texting ends up in a first date set; first date is cancelled for small reason, and texting wains off until you get the Dear John text.

What the hell does it take to actually find someone worthy of your time, someone you actually would rather enjoy being with?  I sure don't know - and if anyone else does... let me know.

I'll try to get back to blogging again, we shall see.  As we all know, my content tended on the sexual side and that gave some gentlemen an impression of me that isn't 100% true.  We shall see where it goes from here.  All I know is that I do miss writing.  

Hello Again.

It's been a hot second since I've blogged.  Not sure why and not sure where to start again.  I have a couple of things floating around in my head but nothing solid.  So I shall write my ideas, if you have a preference vote in comments, or just keep continue reading whatever I put out there.

1.  Thinking about starting to incorporate some of my weight loss (mis)adventures into this blog.  There are so many topics and things I can talk about.  The last 3 years of my life since having gastric bypass surgery have been a wee bit crazy. 

2.  Under that subject, I thought about writing a companion guide to weight MANAGEMENT after weight loss surgery.  Quickly losing 100 lbs in 15 months is easy, no one tells you the hard part is keeping it off.

3.  Again, under the same subject a guide for spouses, friends, and family of weight loss/bariatric surgery patients.  In these three years, I've lost more friends than I've gained and had many, if not all of my relationships change.  No one tells you the hardest part about this whole process is the mental BS.

4.  Ahh, mental BS.  Yes, I could write about coming back from the brink.  How an unlikely combination helped me feel like I was getting my life back.

5.  Ohh, I could just continue at status quo (which obviously isn't much lately!) with putting up random crap that I see on the internet.  (which I will follow up this post with....)

The perfect BRA size

I'm sure this is a question that has been on your mind for your entire life....

What is the perfect boob and perfect bra that covers that boob?

So, turns out a matchmaking website called PerfectArrangement.com surveyed it's vast membership database (unknown) about all kinds of physical features....  The questions included preferences on things such as hair color, eye color, height, weight, and of course..... bra size.  

According to men, the best bra size is...... (drumroll please ......)..... 32D

Do you realize how unproportionate a 32D is?  That means a woman's rib cage is 32 inches around (that's teeny), and the measurement difference between the ribcage and the biggest part of the breast is 4 inches.  

For reference, here is a picture chart of various D's and DD's.  

Is your name sexy?

Apparently there are a number of names that are considered sexy.  The survey, carried out by BabyNameWizard.com found the following 10 male and 10 female names that are considered the sexiest.  Now, I'm not sure why BabyNameWizard would be looking at sexy names, because I don't know a single parent who had a goal of giving their child a "sexy" name. 

Now I'm no expert on sexy names, nor naming a child... but I feel I must pass along this information.  It's my civic duty to spread random facts to the masses.

So here you go...

Top 10 Sexiest Names for Women
1. Scarlett (Thanks to Gone With the Wind)
2. Nicolette 
3. Natalia
4. Anais
5. Paulina
6.   Alessandra
7. Chanel
8. Soraya
9. Adrianna
10. Giuliana

** Note, I might be reaching here, but I don't think it's a coincidence that a vast majority of these names belong to current and past Supermodels... **

Top 10 Sexiest Names for Men
1. Alessandro
2. Lorenzo
3. Rhett (there goes the Gone with the Wind connection again)
4. Romeo
5. Mateo
6. Dimitri
7. Dane
8. Marcelo
9. Dante (whenever I see or hear the name "Dante" I think of the movie Grandma's Boy - and there is NOTHING sexy about that Dante!  And if you have no idea what I'm referencing when I say Grandma's Boy - go HERE and order it - it's only $6.59... NOW.  It's probably the funniest movie I've ever seen)
10. Remy

 

Above and beyond the Top 10 lists, the study shows that Latin and French names score high and male names ending in "o" and female names ending in "a" are often considered sexy.  And strangely enough, names featuring double letters (Adriana vs. Adrianna) fare more sexy than their single letter counterparts.  

 And in all fairness, the website also released the Top lists of least sexy names.

Top Least Sexiest Names for Women
1. Gertrude
2. Bertha
3. Agnes
4. Ethel
5. Mildred

** all these names tend to be "Grandmother's names," so I can see where the "least sexy" ranking makes sense.  BUT, I gotta tell you, the Hipsters who are just beginning to have children tend to use these old style names, so who knows what this list will be approximately 18 years from now when today's Hipster kids are of legal age. **

Top Least Sexiest Names for Women
1. Bob
2. Ernest (This has to be because of the "movie star" Ernest who was all the rage in the 80's and that Ernest was FAR from sexy)
3. Normal
4. Dick (come on, this one is a GIVEN)
5. Howard

 

National Breakup Day

According to a survey, TODAY, February 10th is the most popular day of the YEAR for breakups.  22% of those surveyed admitted to dumping someone on February 10th - only days before Valentine's Day.  The reason???  They didn't want to spent Valentine's Day pretending they were in a happy relationship when they weren't. 

Only 4% said they would hold off until after Valentine's day.... Why you ask?  Because they wanted a nice gift and dinner -- and girls wonder why men see us as gold diggers.

Picture pet peeve.... My LEAST favorite type of "creative" pictures on online dating profiles

I admit it, I have a ton of pet peeves., but I try not to be too cynical.  But it's Saturday night and I've come across a number of these pictures that drive me crazy.  The guys in the picture are trying to be "creative" or "cleaver"  not in the end, it's neither!

A good 10% of the guys have the "creative" picture where they are pretending to hold something up or peeing something out.   See examples I've provided.

I know the guys are trying to be cleaver, but more often than not they look like they drank too much and have reverted back to their 13 year old boy humor, and not in a good way.

I think these pictures are just fine for your own personal collection - but posting them on your online dating profile just makes you look both desperate as well as  lacking some serious creativity.  I know guys think that they are the first one to "hold" down a building with one finger, or pretending a stream of water is you peeing.

But... my least favorite are the ones where guys pretend that the Washington Monument is his "monster dick".... but in reality, I assume they are over compensation! 

And I'd love to blame guys on this one, but it's not just them - there are plenty of women doing the same thing. 

Ladies... come on, I know you are smarter than that!