Hate to say it, but this is the old standard. You go on a date, have a good (or bad - god forbid) time and the man picks up the bill. Gotta say, this is a hold over from when men made all the money and women couldn't afford to pay the bills - time they are a changing. I've gone out with plenty of guys that I make more than, and sometimes I even feel badly about having them pick up the bill. OK, back to the issue at hand! He pays. Many say this plays into a man's ego. Men like to be in control, they like the feeling of taking take of women. I see in the background man pounding on his chest - in caveman outfit - bonus points if he's hot and built and I can watch! Most men love taking care of their woman, even if it's just paying the bill. On a negative side, this can get mighty expensive for the guy. Negative points if this turns into a long term thing for you and you depend on the combined income! And it can feel like the women is not "paying her way". Personally I feel guilt. And dont' even get me started on the whole, if I pay for our date it means that you owe me something on your knees or back. Yeah, right!
2. Going half and half, or "dutch".
First of all, I don't like the term, going dutch, but because I'm nice I will provide you with a little history lesson. Going dutch actually originates from the Netherlands where it is not unusual to pay separately when going out as a group. Nor is it unusual to order your hookers from a window, so I'm not sure we should be using their slang. But on to the issue at hand (I've obviously been very distracted today!) Sharing the cost of the bill is fine with me. I actually prefer it, I don't feel like I'm making the man pay and I don't feel like I'm being a gold digging whore. But, I have been told my many of my well meaning male friends that even offering to pay is an insult to men everywhere. It means that you are not interested in the man with whom you've just shared a date. Yes, I will repeat that, offering to share a check, means that you are not interested in the man. Umm, really? Apparently, I've been playing the game wrong, if I don't like the guy, I DON'T offer to pay. Serves him right for giving me such a bad date. If I want to see the guy again I will fork up some cash because I want to do it again!
Apparently, this is the kiss of death. I just like to be equal. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE me some old fashioned woman roles - I want the man to be in charge, all that BS - but hell, money is money. None of us have all that much of it and there is no need for the man to pay all the time. Oh hell no, apparently I'm wrong! Men pay, or men freak out. Learn, absorb. Lesson done.
You should never go out with the expectation of not contributing to the cost of the date. You should always be ready to chip in. With that said, as a man if I ask you out, I'm paying for the date. If we continue to go out and you never offer to help out, chances are I will eventually take issue with that and the relationship might come to an early end. If the guy isn't going broke taking you out, he might have a little extra for some surprise flowers or perfume.
ReplyDeleteI fully agree! I always offer, but I've been told that, at least on a first date, this is a bad sign to the man. Offering to split = you didn't have a good time. I don't get it, I'm just quoting. Also, if you've read the rest of my blog you'll know I don't have the best dating record :) As far as further on in the dating relationship I definately agree it should become 50/50!!
ReplyDeleteFYI, Thanks for being my first comment - that's just about the most exciting thing ever :)
ReplyDeletemy mother had great advice for when he pays... Wait to see what he orders and only order something that is equal or less in cost than what he got.
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