Dick tales

Yeah, so that was a play on the fabulous cartoon - Duck Tails that I loved as a kid.  Loved the beginning where Scrooge (??) swims in his vat of money.  Duck tales - whoo oo!

Anyway.  on the frisky today there was an article about famous dicks.  And not men named Richard.  Actual dicks.  You know, penis' and the men they are attached to.  Since I can't make this shit up, I will include their exact words (and pictures - which are completely safe for work!).  Enjoy, or be scared a bit like I was....

1. Jonah Falcon 
Men, how do you know you're well-endowed? Oh, when your penis is mistaken for a weapon of mass destruction. Jonah Falcon, the man presumed to have the world's largest penis (although Guinness World Records has not been down in his pants to confirm), aroused suspicion at the San Francisco International airport when passing through security.

At 9 inches flaccid and 13.5 inches at full mast (take that Ron Jeremy!), it's not surprising that airport security suspected his "very noticeable" bulge might have been an explosive device. “I had my 'stuff'' strapped to the left. I wasn't erect at the time … One of the guards asked if my pockets were empty and I said, 'Yes.' I said, ‘It’s my d**k.' He gave me a pat down … They even put some powder on my pants, probably a test for explosives. I found it amusing," said the 41-year-old New Yorker. Falcon joked that next time he's "just going to wear bike shorts" when traveling. Great idea, Jonah! Click on through to see more of the most amazing d**ks that have ever existed.

Let me say first.... OUCH.  13.5 inches, that would just HURT.  The average vagina is only 3 - 7 inches deep.  Yes, that's a big range, but our vags vary as much as his dicks do.  13.5 inches is double that of the deepest vagina.  I can't even imagine that can even feel good.  And I'd also like to point out, Mr. Falcon is a dumb ass.... he has no job and lives with his mama.  He would be a serious draw in porn and should really suck it up and do it.

2.  Wesley Warren Jr.
Wesley Warren Jr. made headlines for his unusually large ball. He was trying to raise $1 million to have his 100-pound scrotum removed, which is caused by a condition known scrotal elephantiasis. But when "The Dr. Oz Show" offered to foot the bill for Warren's ball, he turned them down saying he didn't want to lose the fame his testicles had earned him. Seems like an odd choice, but it's his ball and he can do with it what he wants. We wish him luck finding underwear that fit.

A 100lb ball?  Yeah, how about not!  I don't like balls that are the size of a golf ball, let alone ones that are the size of a freaking hot air balloon. 

3. Chuck Lennon

After penile implant surgery went wrong, poor Charles "Chick" Lennon, 68, had a hard-on for a decade. That's gotta hurt. Unfortunately, the Dura-II steel and plastic device made him go up but could not make him go down. As a result, the handyman became a recluse. "He said he could no longer hug people, ride a bike, swim or wear bathing trunks because of the pain and embarrassment." Lennon sued the doctor who botched his 1996 wang operation and won $400,000. Lesson learned? Don't dick with your dong.
Elective surgery on your penis is a no-no.  I know all you guys want it bigger, wider or something different than what you got.  Just don't.  Just learn how to use what you got.... or boys, you can get anywhere if you know what to do with your tongue if you know what I mean!

4. Ron Jeremy
Who's more famous: Ron Jeremy or his tool? 'Tis hard to say. The former substitute teacher porked his way to infamy with his 9.75-inch schlong, which has starred in a Guinness World Record 2,000+ adult movies. While over the years Jeremy's hirsute and rotund physique has earned him the moniker "The Hedgehog," as a younger, slimmer man, he was able to autofellate himself. No small feat, surely.

Really, only 9.75 inches?  And that dude is 13.5 inches?  And he doesn't want to get into porn.  Idiot.

5. Barry Kenny
Most guys use their peens for getting off, but Barry Kenny used his dangler to get off in court. Last summer, the 28-year-old forklift operator was accused of flashing a female guard during a drunken train ride. In court, though, his accuser failed to identify any "distinguishing marks" on Kenny's little friend (nickname: "Larry"). As it turned out, Larry sported a two-inch tattoo of a lizard. (Initially, Kenny asserted the tattoo was seven inches long, but stuck with the truth when he was reminded that he was testifying under oath.) After Kenny exposed himself to the judge, he walked free, thanks to the silent testimony of his member. Afterward, Kenny's wife Nikki opined: "That tattoo probably saved his skin."
I bet this guy had NO idea that some ink he got probably while he was totally drunk and probably high would save him from jail time!  I just have to say any piercing or tattooing of such a sensitive organ just seems stupid....