Overplayed Online Dating Responses

I'm not sure if you know -- I'm a big online dater.  Maybe not "dating" but pursuer.  I'm always looking at profiles (of guys of course) and looking to see if I can find the man of my dreams online.  So far, I obviously haven't done so well in that department - but it doesn't stop me from looking... and looking ... and looking again.

So, today when I was looking for blog ideas and I found on thefrisky.com a article named "10 Played-Out Online Dating Messages That Guys Send Women."  I don't get many messages from my online profiles (eharmony, match, okcupid, plenty of fish...) but I say that I get a shit done from random posts I put on Craig's List

Lets discuss...

1.  "Hi" 
Ugh.  Yes... if you can't write more than "hi" don't expect me to take the effort to write back after you literally wrote two letters.  Hell, it takes you more key strokes to actually, open the email, and push the send button then it did to actually write the freaking email!

2.  You're hot/sexy/attractive."  Well, it's nice of you to say, but it's hard to take you seriously when that's all you care about.  Also, let me point out the "Wow, you have big boobs" or "Damn, your boobs are huge" or "Wow, nice boobs" is just as bad....  Girls love to think that they are attractive, but want to have you say more than I'm hot.

3.  "What are you looking for on here."  Really?  I'm on here looking for a car, or looking for my lost dog.  There is one reason and one reason only you SHOULD be on a dating website.  You are looking for someone - to love, to date, to fuck... 

4.  "What are your plans for the weekend"  Polite conversation asking about your weekend plans are great.  Maybe he's genuinely interested in what you are doing.  But boys if you are interesting in asking us out -- please don't beat around the bush.  Just ask me out damn it.  Don't pussy foot around it.

 5.  I wud luv 2 get 2 kno u.  Nothing is so unattractive as a guy who can't use common english.  Yes, I suck at spelling, but at least I know the difference between "2" and "to."  I have to say there is very little I hate more than people who use 'texting' shorthand in real emails, and conversation.  Note, emicons don't count - I love those!  I will say, if you use this texting shorthand, I will probably not write you back.  I don't even like people using texting shorthand in TEXTS.  People used it when we didn't have smart phones and qwerty keyboards.  Now use it when you can!

6.  My name is (name).  I am (height), have (color) eyes and (color) hair.  I am a down-to-earth guy who loves to work out and take care of my body.  Basically you just repeated what is in your profile.  I don't want to have the same information repeated.  Please try to say something interesting and different.  Granted, in the same breath, I'd rather not assume that anything in your profile is true - and I'd like for it to come out in conversation. 

7.  "I have a girlfriend/I am married, but..."  Hey jackass, if you are otherwise attached what the fuck are you doing on a dating website.  Basically, it's your type that I absolutely hate and make the other guys look bad.  If you just want to hook up there are sites for that - I hear adult friend finder is great.  ..  But if you are married, you should not be interested in dating... Please stay off the legit dating websites!

8.  "You would be lucky to go out with me."  Ohh, I'm lucky?  Really?  lucky?  Dude, I'm so not into feeding your ego.  I like a confident man, but this is just damn cocky.

9.  "Do you work at ____?"  Hell no, I'm not going to tell you where I work.  Just like I'm not going to tell you where I live.  I'm not about to set myself to be a stalked.  There are some seriously shady guys out there.

10.  Call me sometime. (555)555-5555.  I hate this one!  What do I do.. Pick up the phone right there and talk about... Your online profile?  No, if I met you online, lets chat first... and chat via email or gasp... IM.