The Breakup Bill of Rights

Breaking up sucks.  There is no way around it.  It's not any easier for the dumped or the dumpee.  But breaking up shouldn't be a no holds barred type of affair.  There are rules here.  We might not know them off hand, but you should.

So here goes. 

The Breakup Bill of Rights

As the dumpee, you have the right...

- To be broken up with in person - not on the phone, by email, or by text.  (Yes, breaking up may be easier when it's not face to face - but it's sure not fair to the other person.  Buck up and do it the right way.)

- To pamper yourself.  (Breaking up is hard, and it's hard on your whole psyche - take the time to heal and do good for yourself - whatever makes you feel better)

- To completely reject any weird stuff he/she throws at you.  (Yup, they could tell you that you suck in bed or that they never loved you in the first place.  It's BS, and take it as such)

- To use any means necessary for closure.  If that means throwing out the presents he gave you and the menus you used to order from, so be it   (You can't move on - correctly - without closure, seek it - no matter how difficult it might be)

- To blow off "Let's still be friends" overtures that are more about his/her guilt than your happiness.  (We all know it's extremely difficult to make that transition from lovers to friends, it may work in time - but who knows.  Don't be pulled into a situation that is not good for you!)

- To avoid him./her until you are totally over it.  Once you are, you have the right to show up everywhere looking ridiculously hot.  (Avoidance is always the best policy in my book.  There are too many things - a slight wiff of the smell that is only his, or shirt that makes her boobs look amazing that can remind you of the better times.  Avoid it until you are fully "healed" and able to handle those little things."

- To wait before you "get back out there" again.  You may be tempted or pressured to distract yourself by dating, but wait until you are ready, not others.  (for god's sake, don't pull some unsuspecting innocent person in just to heal your own pain - do it on your own, it's not fair to the "new partner")

As the dumper, you have the right...


- To let him/her down easy if only for simplicity's sake or to feel better -- even smug --about it.  (You don't owe them a huge long explanation of all your thoughts, feelings and emotions coming up to deciding to break up - the simplest, easiest solution is best. - Yo, it's not working out.)

- To refuse to become his/her therapist.  (You are broken up, caput, donzo, you don't need to serve as therapist and listen to their feelings - that's for a professional - or their next partner!)

- To set boundaries.  (You can block their emails, text, phone calls, and even smoke signals.  You don't need to "meet up" just one last time.)

- To reverse your opinion on formerly sacred subjects.  You may now acknowledge that his/her sense of style was dubious even if you used to defend it.  (You know those "nice" things you do or say just because you are in a relationship - yup you can totally be "not" nice now!)

- To move on and be happy - no regrets.  (If it's not working out, it's not working out.  As the one doing the dumping you don't have to feel guilty about wanting what's best for you - and then going out and finding it!)