Lies we tell...

Did you know that today - 30 April - is National Honesty Day.  Yeah, don't ask me who came up with this day to be "celebrated" but we do.  Granted, I'm not sure any holiday where we don't get work off really desrves to be called a holiday - but that's neither here nor there.

** And as a side note, I looked it up, just for my own satisfaction.  National Honesty Day was "developed" by M. Hirsh Goldberg (former Press Secretary to a Maryland Govenor) in the early 1990's after he spent four years researching and writing "The Book of Lies" **


So, in "honor" of National Honesty Day, here is a list of the Top 10 Lies that both Men and Women tell. 

Top 10 Lies MEN tell

1. “I don’t have a girlfriend/wife.” Humm, sure.  And that tan line on your ring finger is just a dirt spot. 

2. “I’m not drunk.” Ha, I'm not drunk - but I can't walk straight and I don't know my full name.  But no, you aren't drunk...  It's really ok to admit that you are drunk.

3. “I’m not looking for a relationship right now.” Translation: “I’m not looking for a relationship with YOU right now.” That’s OK. We’re on to the next one.  Oh yeah.   Just be honest douchebag.  I also like the, "I'm just looking for sex" after looking at my picture - just tell me you aren't attracted to me.

4. “I don’t want to talk about it.” Suck it up dude, you are already talking about it.  Lets just finish this conversation and get it over with.

5. “I’m not interested in you just for the sex.”  See, #3.  So you don't want to go out to dinner, but you are not just interested in me for sex?  Humm....

6. “I always wear a condom.” Never, never, ever, ever trust a man who uses the word "always"  Wrap it up until you prove to me (via doctor's note) that you are disease free!

7. “I’m leaving her for you.” Bullshit, he will NEVER leave you for her.  So, if you want to be the other woman, just keep on fucking him.

8. “I’ll call you.” I believe it when I "hear" the phone ring.

9. “I don’t think she’s that pretty.” Keep on lying like this - tell me she's ugly!  Make me feel good.

10. “I don’t watch porn.” Nope and neither do I.

Top 10 Lies WOMEN tell

1. ”I’ve slept with [X] guys.” You know that double standard, guys can sleep with everyone (and everything they want) and yet girls get judged for sleeping with more than one man - suck it up guys...  girls like sex too. 

2. “That was great.” Yeah, sex is great... most of the time.  A woman's body is damn complicated, and not every time can be amazing.  But we know better than to tell guys that ever time wasn't stellar - we can't hurt your delicate ego guys.

3. ”I have never nor would I ever cheat on you.” Humm, lying happens.  Cheating happens.  Don't promise something you can't do.

4. “I weight [X].” Weight means so very little (coming from a fat girl!)  You can look good and yet the numbers on the scale make you "look" fat.  Don't be so obsessed with numbers.

5. “Sure, you can call me.” and sure, I reserve the right to NOT pick up.

6. “I’ll be ready in a minute.”   If a minute means more like an hour.  Hey you want us to look good, looking good takes time.  Suck it up boys.

7. “I don’t know.” Sometimes we don't want to tell you what we know. 

8. “That was delicious!” Hey, we are good with giving compliments - even if you don't deserve them.  Keep cooking - it saves us time.

9. “I’m fine.” I use this one all the time.  I'm fine, which means I don't want to talk about it.
10. “It was on sale.” It wasn’t. Deal with it.