Your vag is NOT a hiding spot

Let me repeat that title, your vagina is not a place to keep things, to hide them from outsiders.  Your vag is a scared place that should be treated as such.  Of course, not everyone feels the same way I do.  On the frisky.com I found an article of 8 special women that hid 8 very weird things in their hoo-hah.  Read on if you dare...

1. Mischelle Lindy Salzeber and her Urine Filled Vodka Bottle
Miss Salzber was on probation and on probation you cannot test positive for drugs.  Well, inventive Miss Salzeber filled a vodka bottle with someone else's urine and such it up her hoohah.  Well, the gig was up when the vodka bottle was discovered during a routine body scan.  But she was f'ed either way.  The urine she "borrowed" tested positive for drugs anyway.  Smart girl.

2. Karin Mackaliunas and her vagina "purse"
Our next brilliant woman award goes to Miss. Karin Mackaliunas for using her vagina as a purse.  During a routine strip search, PA authorities found the following stuffed right up in there: 54 bags of heroin, 31 EMPTY heroin bags, 8 prescription bills AND $51.22 in cash and change (because apparently just $51 wasn't enough!)  I would have to assume this girl is probably the opposite of tight....

3.   The extra eyeball
The ER is full of strange things... didn't you ever watch the tv show?  But Dr. Melissa Barton declares the strangest thing she ever saw was a woman who put her prosthetic eyeball in her vag for "safe keeping"  What was she exactly keeping it safe from?  Apparently the woman was prepping for a fight with her neighbors and said that glass eyes are too expensive and hard to replace.  I wonder if the eye was scared of what it saw up there?

4.  Donny did it.
We all get horny, right?  And phallic shaped objects are great for girls to use to get off.  We also fantasize about "celebrities" during these sessions to increase the pleasure.  But how about combining the two?  A UK woman featured on the show "Bizarre ER" (FYI, love that show, if you don't have a weak stomach and want to see how people are complete idiots, see if you can find it.  Bonus, it usually comes in marathons so you can get grossed out all day!)  Anyway, on the show Doctors "discovered" a rolled-up poster of Donny Osmond shoved inside a woman's vagina.  Really, Donny Osmond?

5.  You'll never know when you'll need a knife!
Florida produces the most bizarre stories... and this one is no different.  Two Florida women get into a fight over prescriptions pills.  Not such a big deal, right?  Well, when police "searched" one of the women they found a knife and a bottle of Rx pills hidden in her belly fat rolls - seriously how BIG was this woman?  To hide just one of those things would be impressive - both... damn near impossible.  But it's not over... the woman had something hidden in her hoohah.  Of course, it was a knife.  A KNIFE?  This woman is seriously insane - she belongs in Florida.

6.Ruxandra Gardian and her cell phone
A Romanian woman, Miss Gardian needed a cell phone - badly!  So she went out and stole one, hiding it for safekeeping in her vag.  ** Then again, maybe she was just HOPING for it to be on vibrate...  But oh, shit, while the authorities were patting her down looking for the stolen cell phone it began to ring - inside of her.  The original owner declined to take it back, so I guess she wasn't totally off base after all!

7.  Ann Marie Hernandez and yet another Vagina Purse
Back again in Florida (see I told you all the crazies are there!)Miss Hernandez went to Home Depot and really filled up her cart.  She made the purchase with a fraudulent credit card, but couldn't let anyone find her with said card, so she shoved it right up there for hiding.  How long was she planning on keeping that up there?

8.  Arlina Romero and her crack pipe

Well, Miss Romero had two strikes against her, so she wanted to reduce her issues.  So, when leaving the flop house she shoved her stolen credit cards in her pocket but shoved her crack pipe right on up her vag.  I guess she figured the credit cards were the lesser of two evils.  Personally, I just hope she let that crack pipe cool down before shoving it up there, because a red hot crack pipe might hurt a wee bit.