If you are anything like me you loved Tetris growing up (and still do!) There is something mesmerizing, time consuming and mindless about those 4 blocks in different formations falling down your screen and landing in perfect unison. But did you know that you were learning about dating as you played those blocks? neither did I. So imagine my surprise when I saw an article on the Frisky about 13 Dating Rules that we learned from playing tetris (and no, I don't just "come across" these articles, I look for them...)
1. Focus is key. If you really want to play, you can’t let anything distract you. Not the crazy guy on the train, not the music of the person sitting next to you, and not the few bumps on the route that might jostle your game hand.
You have to focus on both the game and a relationship to make it work. Lose focus for a minute and boom you have blocks everywhere and men falling left and right. Even worse the further you get into it, a slip of focus can cost exponential more.
2. Be careful what you do with squares, because squares lack the flexibility of other shapes. They go down, but not left or right. You might want to avoid them at all cost, actually.
Ahh, squares. I don't like them. In fact, when I can I put them in the "hold" box (if you lovely version of Tetris allows such) and then use them when I absolutely have to. Human squares are just as boring, they don't bend, change or fill in any gaps in your life. They are just there. And who wants someone who is just there.
3.If you wait to put the long rod in the hole, it’s much more satisfying.
Umm, need I say more? And I'm not talking tetris here.
4.One major error can throw your whole game.
Like #1, lose your focus and place the wrong box in the wrong place and you might have one big empty space, and empty space is not good. Watch out for those errors, one can throw the whole relationship/game off.
5.Sometimes it’s in your best interest to kill a game when it’s getting bad.
There is a reset or quit button on Tetris, not so much in life. But there is one thing that you can do in life. It's called breaking up. If it's bad, really bad. Just push the power button and start over with a new one.
6.Sometimes your lines can be stacking up and you think it’s over, and then you get the piece you need and everything turns around.
Stress and life can get in the way of dating ... But sometimes when you least expect it (and i hate that term!) down falls the person you are looking at. It's like the perfect blocks just fitting into place.
7.The more you play, the better you are at intuiting where pieces fit best.
Ahh, the more frogs you kiss, the more likely you are to find your prince... Right? So keep playing and eventually you will find the right fit
8.A solid foundation sets you up for a winning game and the best way to set up that foundation is practice, practice, practice.
Blah, blah. We all know that a solid foundation in a relationship helps make it work. Probably not great if you put your pieces willy-nilly and just hope it works out.
9.Even if you have an almost clear board and think you’re winning, the moment you get overconfident and slack off, everything can go to shit.
Overconfidence is always bad. Just when you think you have it (and I'm talking LIFE) under control something blows up in your face and shit... it's all over.
10.Experiment! Sometimes different shapes make surprisingly good combinations. And just when you least expect it, you might find a combo that creates a new window of opportunity.
No one said you have to settle on the first block you see.
11.Don’t worry about the final tally of lines or scores — just focus at the line in front of you.
Scoring is great. But it's not the ultimate goal. Focus on what's at hand and try not to plan for the future.
12.Remember, this is a game. It’s supposed to be challenging, but also fun! If it’s not fun, don’t bother playing.
Dating should be fun, right?
13.If you’re feeling overwhelmed by the game you’re playing, it might be time to take a break and try something else. Like solitaire.
If dating sucks, it might just be some time to take care of yourself...
Showing posts with label dating. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dating. Show all posts
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Dating while Drunk... or not.
Two things seem to go together as well as peanut butter and jelly - alochol and social situations. And what's the most social of social situations? Dating of course! So how do dating and alochol mix - depends on what your end goal is!
Now, I've said before, I have some real issues with eharmony.com - but even I have to admit they do provide some good articles and some good advice (although with any advice you have to take it with a grain of salt - or as with me a bit of obnoxious attitude!)
1. Get Familiar with your Alcohol Tolerance.
This should be obvious, but there are a lot of people (especially those of the girl variety!) that don't know how many drinks they can consume without being fall down drunk, tipsy, or just fine. And hey girls, this might be obvious and really shouldn't be an "ah ha" moment - but girls, the guy is typically bigger than you and matching him drink for drink is going to leave you drunker than him. So, girls... if you don't drink that much - don't on dates! Now, believe it or not... I'm not a big drinker - I MIGHT have a drink every 2 months or so. Granted, when I drink I really drink, which is a cause for alarm. And basically I'm my own don't! But I will tell you I would never drink like that on a date!
2. Consider the entire evening.
Living in the moment is great - if you have no other moments coming up. Because I have to tell you, that hangover is going to be a bitch! Think about the date, and don't go overboard! A happy hour date and drinks. Dinner and wine. After dinner drinks. All of that adds up and can lead to a very drunk girl - and as we all know - drunk dates and messy drunk girls are bad. Basically if you have multiple drinking opportunities and drink at everyone of these opportunities you are going to end up one very sick girl or boy.
3. If you've experienced addiction in your past…
If you are anything like me you have a strange addiction to the new round of shows like "My Strange Addiction" or "Intervention" or "Addicted" or the millions of others that center on all of the weird - and not so weird addicitons people have. And while a lot of people want to hide all that shit, some want to just get it out in the open. But, it's better to keep those type of declarations of "issues" for later revelations in the relationship (but don't wait too long - keeping that kind of secret will eat you up and provide for an ugliness you don't want to keep from a potential long term partner). To solve the stickiness for the first date situation and not drinking - a simple, "No drinking for me tonight" is more than sufficient.
4. How are you getting the car home?
Very few things are worse in the world than Drinking and Driving! Now in the DC metro area (where I live) we are very lucky to have a robust public transportation system that employs both rail and bus and has many cabs available if you have one (or many) too many. But this isn't the case everywhere. Never ever ever drive drunk, and if your dates insist on driving you home while intoxicated refuse. And would you really want to be with such a man (or woman!) who shows such bad judgement? The answer is probably not!
Now, I've said before, I have some real issues with eharmony.com - but even I have to admit they do provide some good articles and some good advice (although with any advice you have to take it with a grain of salt - or as with me a bit of obnoxious attitude!)
First, lets examine the rules of alcohol and dating.
1. Get Familiar with your Alcohol Tolerance.
This should be obvious, but there are a lot of people (especially those of the girl variety!) that don't know how many drinks they can consume without being fall down drunk, tipsy, or just fine. And hey girls, this might be obvious and really shouldn't be an "ah ha" moment - but girls, the guy is typically bigger than you and matching him drink for drink is going to leave you drunker than him. So, girls... if you don't drink that much - don't on dates! Now, believe it or not... I'm not a big drinker - I MIGHT have a drink every 2 months or so. Granted, when I drink I really drink, which is a cause for alarm. And basically I'm my own don't! But I will tell you I would never drink like that on a date!
2. Consider the entire evening.
Living in the moment is great - if you have no other moments coming up. Because I have to tell you, that hangover is going to be a bitch! Think about the date, and don't go overboard! A happy hour date and drinks. Dinner and wine. After dinner drinks. All of that adds up and can lead to a very drunk girl - and as we all know - drunk dates and messy drunk girls are bad. Basically if you have multiple drinking opportunities and drink at everyone of these opportunities you are going to end up one very sick girl or boy.
3. If you've experienced addiction in your past…
If you are anything like me you have a strange addiction to the new round of shows like "My Strange Addiction" or "Intervention" or "Addicted" or the millions of others that center on all of the weird - and not so weird addicitons people have. And while a lot of people want to hide all that shit, some want to just get it out in the open. But, it's better to keep those type of declarations of "issues" for later revelations in the relationship (but don't wait too long - keeping that kind of secret will eat you up and provide for an ugliness you don't want to keep from a potential long term partner). To solve the stickiness for the first date situation and not drinking - a simple, "No drinking for me tonight" is more than sufficient.
4. How are you getting the car home?
Very few things are worse in the world than Drinking and Driving! Now in the DC metro area (where I live) we are very lucky to have a robust public transportation system that employs both rail and bus and has many cabs available if you have one (or many) too many. But this isn't the case everywhere. Never ever ever drive drunk, and if your dates insist on driving you home while intoxicated refuse. And would you really want to be with such a man (or woman!) who shows such bad judgement? The answer is probably not!
Thursday, January 6, 2011
30 Things you should quit doing by the time you are 30... OOPS!
So... we all know I'm 30... Yippi, right? The Frisky.com believes there are 30 things that women should stop doing once they turn 30... lets see...
THE LIST
1. Buying clothes from the junior section. - Check. I stopped doing that awhile ago. FYI, leggings are part of the juniors department ladies...
2. Forgetting her parents’ birthdays. - Check. I got the Month and days down, although I have to admit that I sometimes forget the years, that's ok right??
3. Making out with her BFFs at bars for attention. - Check... Seriously.. I hate this!! Girls, never do this, it's stupid. I know guys love it and it turns them on, but do we do everything to turn men on? Wait, then again... I've never done it and I think it's stupid - but that's just me.
4. Making out with her boyfriend at bars for attention. - Check, I've never been one for PDA, then again, I've also never been one to keep a boyfriend around... so who am I to say I would or wouldn't!
5. Filling her bed with stuffed animals (really, even one is too many). - Check. But what about dogs?
6. Carrying a torch for anyone she hasn’t seen in the last five years. - Check. I like to keep my crushes in the current.
7. Rebelling against her parents for the sake of rebelling against her parents. - Check. Never did rebel. Guess I was one of lucky ones - or my parents were!
8. Declaring an entire gender “all jerks.” - Check. I love men, hate people.
9. Holding a grudge against anyone who wronged her in high school. - oh damn... I hate some of those bitches and assholes still! Sorry.
10. Skipping regular gyno exams. - Check. Hey girls... don't miss these, I found something very important in one of mine and since I got it early I'm healthy rather than developed cancer - phew!
11. Going to bed without washing and moisturizing her face. - Fail, I remember to take my contacts out, but rarely get to remember the washing and moisturizing. Then again, my skin looks like a 16 year old girls, acne and all...
12. Being “that person” who had a bit too much to drink at the office party. - Check... Guess it's a good thing that I don't think, and our company works hard but parties harder.
13. Crushing on Justin Bieber. - Seriously really? That kid is like 12, and scares me with his hair wooshing.
14. Thinking she’s got it all figured out. - Of course. The older I get, the more I learn, the more I have no idea what the hell is going on!
15. Calling her father “daddy.” -Check He's been "Dad" for as long as I can remember!
16. Engaging in sibling rivalry. - There will always be some sibling rivalry, but nothing too much.
17. Trying to get by on her looks. - Well, good for them girls who can get by on their looks, but we know that's not everything!
18. Living paycheck to paycheck. - Well, shit... Try living in DC and not living in paycheck to paycheck without a sugar daddy...
19. Expecting a man/knight in shining armor to swoop in and save her. - You mean this isn't true? You mean I can't hold out hope? I'll hold out some hope that it could possibly be true, but no longer do I expect that it WILL be the case.
20. Aimlessly jumping from job to job. - Never did, never will. But, gotta tell you... in DC it's the way you can actually make more money this way.
21. Using MySpace to pick up guys. - People do or did this?
22. Expecting a man to do all the wooing. - They can't? What happened to chivalry?
23. Wishing she had someone else’s life. - Check. My life is pretty damn good. I'm actually liking it. You should be jealous.
24. Expecting everyone to drop everything because it’s her birthday ... - 25 August. Mark the date. Remember it.. But yeah, I get it...
25. ... or because her “boyfriend” of two weeks dumped her. - Yeah, yeah... we all get it. Just help me when we need it.
26. Measuring her self-worth by a number on the scale. - Sometimes fat is beautiful. And who cares about a number.
27. Being cheap. Giving is fun.
28. Quitting a job without having a new one lined up first (especially in this economy!). Seriously, what kind of insane person would do this. Wait, I've seen it - and I just can't believe it.
29. Blaming her mother for all her issues. - I love my mom.
30. Romanticizing her 20s. - I think my 30's might be pretty good.
All in all, this list was pretty good and I did pretty decent.
THE LIST
1. Buying clothes from the junior section. - Check. I stopped doing that awhile ago. FYI, leggings are part of the juniors department ladies...
2. Forgetting her parents’ birthdays. - Check. I got the Month and days down, although I have to admit that I sometimes forget the years, that's ok right??
3. Making out with her BFFs at bars for attention. - Check... Seriously.. I hate this!! Girls, never do this, it's stupid. I know guys love it and it turns them on, but do we do everything to turn men on? Wait, then again... I've never done it and I think it's stupid - but that's just me.
4. Making out with her boyfriend at bars for attention. - Check, I've never been one for PDA, then again, I've also never been one to keep a boyfriend around... so who am I to say I would or wouldn't!
5. Filling her bed with stuffed animals (really, even one is too many). - Check. But what about dogs?
6. Carrying a torch for anyone she hasn’t seen in the last five years. - Check. I like to keep my crushes in the current.
7. Rebelling against her parents for the sake of rebelling against her parents. - Check. Never did rebel. Guess I was one of lucky ones - or my parents were!
8. Declaring an entire gender “all jerks.” - Check. I love men, hate people.
9. Holding a grudge against anyone who wronged her in high school. - oh damn... I hate some of those bitches and assholes still! Sorry.
10. Skipping regular gyno exams. - Check. Hey girls... don't miss these, I found something very important in one of mine and since I got it early I'm healthy rather than developed cancer - phew!
11. Going to bed without washing and moisturizing her face. - Fail, I remember to take my contacts out, but rarely get to remember the washing and moisturizing. Then again, my skin looks like a 16 year old girls, acne and all...
12. Being “that person” who had a bit too much to drink at the office party. - Check... Guess it's a good thing that I don't think, and our company works hard but parties harder.
13. Crushing on Justin Bieber. - Seriously really? That kid is like 12, and scares me with his hair wooshing.
14. Thinking she’s got it all figured out. - Of course. The older I get, the more I learn, the more I have no idea what the hell is going on!
15. Calling her father “daddy.” -Check He's been "Dad" for as long as I can remember!
16. Engaging in sibling rivalry. - There will always be some sibling rivalry, but nothing too much.
17. Trying to get by on her looks. - Well, good for them girls who can get by on their looks, but we know that's not everything!
18. Living paycheck to paycheck. - Well, shit... Try living in DC and not living in paycheck to paycheck without a sugar daddy...
19. Expecting a man/knight in shining armor to swoop in and save her. - You mean this isn't true? You mean I can't hold out hope? I'll hold out some hope that it could possibly be true, but no longer do I expect that it WILL be the case.
20. Aimlessly jumping from job to job. - Never did, never will. But, gotta tell you... in DC it's the way you can actually make more money this way.
21. Using MySpace to pick up guys. - People do or did this?
22. Expecting a man to do all the wooing. - They can't? What happened to chivalry?
23. Wishing she had someone else’s life. - Check. My life is pretty damn good. I'm actually liking it. You should be jealous.
24. Expecting everyone to drop everything because it’s her birthday ... - 25 August. Mark the date. Remember it.. But yeah, I get it...
25. ... or because her “boyfriend” of two weeks dumped her. - Yeah, yeah... we all get it. Just help me when we need it.
26. Measuring her self-worth by a number on the scale. - Sometimes fat is beautiful. And who cares about a number.
27. Being cheap. Giving is fun.
28. Quitting a job without having a new one lined up first (especially in this economy!). Seriously, what kind of insane person would do this. Wait, I've seen it - and I just can't believe it.
29. Blaming her mother for all her issues. - I love my mom.
30. Romanticizing her 20s. - I think my 30's might be pretty good.
All in all, this list was pretty good and I did pretty decent.
The 3 Month Rule
Ugh, another rule. I am not a huge fan of dating rules, in fact I'm often one to break them completely - and you see how well that's worked for me....
So, when I saw The Frisky's article by Ami Angelowicz on a new rule it caught my attention, mostly negative attention - but it's attention none the less. And really - what else am I going to talk about with you. God knows I can't have original thought all the time, these original thoughts are far and few between these days, and I have to save them for school and work - sorry guys, you just get the left over shit and you are going to have to live with it, But lets be serious, you are getting this shit for free, so you can't be too demanding.
The Frisky calls it, "The Three Month Rule" and advises everyone that you must wait at least three months before getting excited about the long term possibilities of a new person (well, shit-damn-fuck - I really fail at this one. Maybe I'm a wee bit too serious, I think about the long term possibilities when I first meet someone, maybe that's why I tend to scare guys away.... maybe, just maybe.... hummm....)
Not that I've really been in a relationship that's lasted more than a couple of months in awhile (yeah, so? You got a problem with that??!?!?), but the author, Ami is right The first three months of knowing someone is a time of illusions. Instead of seeing the person objectively, you see them for who you want them to be. Your object of desire is laden with fantasies and projections. It often takes a couple of months to strip away the illusions of who you think they are and see the person for who they really are.
Ami also points out that in these first three months you can also find out if the person is consistant and stable. You know... all that shit that will drive you crazy... Do they call when they say they're going to? Do they cancel dates? Do they even have time for dates? Do they want to hang out once a week or six times a week and does that mesh with what you want? How do they treat you after a month? Any major disagreements on fundamental things? How do they behave in different situations?
So, at the end of the three months you are allowed to sit back and then decide if he's long term or husband material (if he's lasted that long) - is it any wonder I'm not married or have been in a long term relationship? Now i Have to ask myself... Is it me who is too picky or am I just that annoying? ;)
So, when I saw The Frisky's article by Ami Angelowicz on a new rule it caught my attention, mostly negative attention - but it's attention none the less. And really - what else am I going to talk about with you. God knows I can't have original thought all the time, these original thoughts are far and few between these days, and I have to save them for school and work - sorry guys, you just get the left over shit and you are going to have to live with it, But lets be serious, you are getting this shit for free, so you can't be too demanding.
The Frisky calls it, "The Three Month Rule" and advises everyone that you must wait at least three months before getting excited about the long term possibilities of a new person (well, shit-damn-fuck - I really fail at this one. Maybe I'm a wee bit too serious, I think about the long term possibilities when I first meet someone, maybe that's why I tend to scare guys away.... maybe, just maybe.... hummm....)
Not that I've really been in a relationship that's lasted more than a couple of months in awhile (yeah, so? You got a problem with that??!?!?), but the author, Ami is right The first three months of knowing someone is a time of illusions. Instead of seeing the person objectively, you see them for who you want them to be. Your object of desire is laden with fantasies and projections. It often takes a couple of months to strip away the illusions of who you think they are and see the person for who they really are.
Ami also points out that in these first three months you can also find out if the person is consistant and stable. You know... all that shit that will drive you crazy... Do they call when they say they're going to? Do they cancel dates? Do they even have time for dates? Do they want to hang out once a week or six times a week and does that mesh with what you want? How do they treat you after a month? Any major disagreements on fundamental things? How do they behave in different situations?
So, at the end of the three months you are allowed to sit back and then decide if he's long term or husband material (if he's lasted that long) - is it any wonder I'm not married or have been in a long term relationship? Now i Have to ask myself... Is it me who is too picky or am I just that annoying? ;)
Monday, January 3, 2011
Pickup lines that actually work!
When I think of pickup lines, I think of a loud bar and a drunk ass guy leaning over into my ear and whispering something stupid ass line into my ear - like, "Baby, you must be a broom, cause you just swept me off my feet." You know something so ridiculous it makes you groan and want to make the guy just go away. But guess what? not all pickup lines are bad, some actually work.
According to eharmony.com, these are their top favorite pickup lines that actually work...
1. Hey, I Love Your Shoes (or Handbag or Coat, etc.)
Being specific about what he or she is wearing and complimenting on it is SO much better than just a generic compliment. Besides, for girls - complimenting her on something she's bought is always a good thing - and if you get the right piece - depending on what she's into you might just win an extra point. For instance, if she's a shoe fantastic and you compliment her on her shoes, big bonus point! Same goes for some guys, but it's not as clear cut.
2. Hi, I would love to get you a drink.
Simplicity is good, but don't be threatening and be willing to take no as an answer (if it comes to that!). And above all else, don't be scary. Nothing is scarier than a guy (or a girl) trying to buy you a drink when it's unwanted.
3. What Kind of Dog is That?
As a dog lover and dog owner, I will say that this is a winner for me. For other dog people I know I think it's a winner as well. Dog people notoriously love to share information about their dogs and it's a great way to open a conversation.
4. Are You Single?
No wasted time (always a good thing), and a straight forward approach. Although you would have to have a little bit of an opening here - you can't just walk up to a person and ask if they are single.
5. Hi. Who’s your friend?
This is suggested for the more daring and it might work as a conversation starter. But you have to be careful - make sure you are asking for the right "friend." you don't want to end up with wingman and not the good friend!
6. Nice to meet you, I’m (x) and you are beautiful!
Flattery works wonders! Tell someone they are beautiful or handsome and you are golden. But don't be a condescending kind of thing, be sincere and serious and not in a dirty way, and you'll get your girl or guy.
7. I bet you were an awfully cute baby.
While bordering very closely on cheesy, this one could be used effectively with the right person and from the right person. You have to be careful - but it could be used well.
8. How much does a polar bear weigh? Enough to break the ice!
Ok, really? Yeah... this is just dumb. If a guy told me that - no.
9. Excuse me, but you have something on your face," (when she goes to wipe it off you stop her and say) "No, no leave it. It's beauty
ok... again - this is bad.
10. WHO are you?
OK, this list started out really good. Of course, what else do I expect from an article from eharmony! Anyway - if someone used this pickup line for me - "WHO are you?" I would be offended. It's so forward - way too much so!
According to eharmony.com, these are their top favorite pickup lines that actually work...
1. Hey, I Love Your Shoes (or Handbag or Coat, etc.)
Being specific about what he or she is wearing and complimenting on it is SO much better than just a generic compliment. Besides, for girls - complimenting her on something she's bought is always a good thing - and if you get the right piece - depending on what she's into you might just win an extra point. For instance, if she's a shoe fantastic and you compliment her on her shoes, big bonus point! Same goes for some guys, but it's not as clear cut.
2. Hi, I would love to get you a drink.
Simplicity is good, but don't be threatening and be willing to take no as an answer (if it comes to that!). And above all else, don't be scary. Nothing is scarier than a guy (or a girl) trying to buy you a drink when it's unwanted.
3. What Kind of Dog is That?
As a dog lover and dog owner, I will say that this is a winner for me. For other dog people I know I think it's a winner as well. Dog people notoriously love to share information about their dogs and it's a great way to open a conversation.
4. Are You Single?
No wasted time (always a good thing), and a straight forward approach. Although you would have to have a little bit of an opening here - you can't just walk up to a person and ask if they are single.
5. Hi. Who’s your friend?
This is suggested for the more daring and it might work as a conversation starter. But you have to be careful - make sure you are asking for the right "friend." you don't want to end up with wingman and not the good friend!
6. Nice to meet you, I’m (x) and you are beautiful!
Flattery works wonders! Tell someone they are beautiful or handsome and you are golden. But don't be a condescending kind of thing, be sincere and serious and not in a dirty way, and you'll get your girl or guy.
7. I bet you were an awfully cute baby.
While bordering very closely on cheesy, this one could be used effectively with the right person and from the right person. You have to be careful - but it could be used well.
8. How much does a polar bear weigh? Enough to break the ice!
Ok, really? Yeah... this is just dumb. If a guy told me that - no.
9. Excuse me, but you have something on your face," (when she goes to wipe it off you stop her and say) "No, no leave it. It's beauty
ok... again - this is bad.
10. WHO are you?
OK, this list started out really good. Of course, what else do I expect from an article from eharmony! Anyway - if someone used this pickup line for me - "WHO are you?" I would be offended. It's so forward - way too much so!
Labels:
dating,
men,
pickup lines
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Those Non - Negotiables...Just say no.
As we get older (yeah, I know that sounds so cliche!), we start to learn who we are and what we do and don't want in a relationship. But most importantly I think we develop (or we SHOULD) develop a list of "non-negotiables." You know those things that you will not bend on in a relationship.
I heard them talking about this on the radio the other day - your list shouldn't be too lengthy. Otherwise you are obviously setting yourself up for failure. If you won't bend on a huge number of things it's going to be very difficult to find a man who fits your ideals. You can't have this list of MUST haves that is pages and pages long. Not only are you setting up yourself for failure, you are setting an unrealistic expectation for men. And if I was a man I would say far, far, far away from you. I can't imagine a man with a list of expectations for me a mile long, I would constantly feel like I was being judged and could never relax, and never relaxing in a relationship is like always being on a first date and that sounds absolutely miserable.
On the opposite side, you don't want to have no "non-negotiables" or a really short list, because you could and can end up with just anyone. You have to be strong about what you don't want! If you accept anything, you will get anything! And anything literally means anything, and in this day and age, anything is quite a lot. The shit that is out there is pretty damn scary!
Once you have these non-negotiables you really have to stick to your guns. Don't compromise! You made these decisions for a reason (and while you were single!). Don't make exceptions to the rule just because he's cute or because he is so great in another area. More than likely that bad trait will come back to bite you in the ass later (speaks from a girl with personal experience!) So stick to your guns, if he has one of your non-negotiables, keep going! Don't even get involved - in fact politely tell him you aren't interested and run away.
Here are some ideas of non-negotiables. Some are mine, some are ones I've just thought about, and some are those of my friends.
1. Smoker
2. Drinker/Alocholic
3. Drug User
4. Uneducated
5. Unemployed
6. Children - doesn't want them
7. Children - has them
8. Divorced
9. Currently in a relationship/Married/etc (not all that funny - guys who are n a relationship are always asking single (and married!) women out)
10. Too Short/Too Tall/Too fat/Too Skinny
I heard them talking about this on the radio the other day - your list shouldn't be too lengthy. Otherwise you are obviously setting yourself up for failure. If you won't bend on a huge number of things it's going to be very difficult to find a man who fits your ideals. You can't have this list of MUST haves that is pages and pages long. Not only are you setting up yourself for failure, you are setting an unrealistic expectation for men. And if I was a man I would say far, far, far away from you. I can't imagine a man with a list of expectations for me a mile long, I would constantly feel like I was being judged and could never relax, and never relaxing in a relationship is like always being on a first date and that sounds absolutely miserable.
On the opposite side, you don't want to have no "non-negotiables" or a really short list, because you could and can end up with just anyone. You have to be strong about what you don't want! If you accept anything, you will get anything! And anything literally means anything, and in this day and age, anything is quite a lot. The shit that is out there is pretty damn scary!
Once you have these non-negotiables you really have to stick to your guns. Don't compromise! You made these decisions for a reason (and while you were single!). Don't make exceptions to the rule just because he's cute or because he is so great in another area. More than likely that bad trait will come back to bite you in the ass later (speaks from a girl with personal experience!) So stick to your guns, if he has one of your non-negotiables, keep going! Don't even get involved - in fact politely tell him you aren't interested and run away.
Here are some ideas of non-negotiables. Some are mine, some are ones I've just thought about, and some are those of my friends.
1. Smoker
2. Drinker/Alocholic
3. Drug User
4. Uneducated
5. Unemployed
6. Children - doesn't want them
7. Children - has them
8. Divorced
9. Currently in a relationship/Married/etc (not all that funny - guys who are n a relationship are always asking single (and married!) women out)
10. Too Short/Too Tall/Too fat/Too Skinny
Labels:
dating
Monday, December 6, 2010
Stuff we just don't want to hear anymore....
Not too long ago I found an article of phrases that one should never utter to a single person (Phrases never to say to a single person) And warned all of you of the consequences of such an action. If you said any one of those tings and are now single, I apologize - but don't say I didn't warn you!
Now, about you - men? Are there phrases that would be absolutely avoided when talking to a person of the fairer gender. Are there phrases that are going to make that that girl run for the hills (and away from you). Maybe make you feel like you should take up residence far from any civilization. I saw on yahoo news that the unibomer - Ted Kaczynski 's former property is for sale in Montana. You scare the pussy off that much - you might want to consider something like that.
So what shouldn't you say? According to http://www.lemondrop.com/ there are the 5Tired Boy Moves We'd Like to See Laid to Rest
1. "My Life is just really complicated right now." Of course this gem is usually followed up by a good bye speech. Of course we don't want to hear this - or any other excuses. If you want to break up just tell us the truth - maybe that you just aren't into us anymore - that might be difficult but it's an easier pill to swallow from our end. Tell us that your life is too complicated and us "fix it" girls (maybe like myself) will start trying to fix the complicated parts and your plan just backfired... Hummm, now what you gonna do? Be honest, be truthful, and then you have nothing to worry about.
2. "You're upset by this? Well maybe we shouldn't date if I upset you so much." Hey conflict pussy... Seriously, guys who are are afraid of any type of argument, drama or conflict are not gonna last. If a guy can't handle a little give and take once in awhile - how the hell is he going to handle the BIG problems in life, and we all know there are going to be ones - you know babies, marriage, death (the biggies and not necessarily in that order). And other things that are not cake walks. Is he going to shy away from anything that causes emotional pain. If so, he's not going to last. If he can't handle a little conflict, he can't handle a little anyone.
3. "Yeah, I just ran into Joanna. You remember her, my ex? She wants to have Dinner tomorrow, so I'll do that while you're in class, I guess." What is it about guys... do they want us to get jealous so they can get angry at us for being jealous? Or do they just not get it. Sometimes I really think it's the latter. While deep down they get that the new girl is jealous of the ex girl, they don't really consciously think about it when they go meet the ex girl for drinks, etc. But then they'll still get mad when new girl gets upset -- even if nothing happened. You know why guys - because the ex girl basically only asked you out for one reason and one reason only - because she wanted you back. and You, as the man are the deciding factor - it's old vs. new. Make up your mind and live with the consequences and if you are even thinking about cheating - don't!.
4. "Maybe I'm just not out cut to be with someone. It just seems like I end up hurting people..."Player or Bastard Phrase 101. What's the best way to get rid of someone and let them down easy? Blame yourself. Blame his eotional well being and that you are "not ready" THe guy was obviously trying to use you and get it over with as soon as possible.
5. "Oh yeah, I ended up getting a girl's number last night at the bar. Why, does that bother you."
Seriously dude? Are you trying to impress me or that girl's number you got? If I'm dating you the last thing I want to know is that you are out hitting on other women. If other women are slipping you numbers - fine, don't tell me, and damn it - don't call them! You are supposed to be with me. Stay with me, be attentive! After we break up - knock you self out with all the numbers in the world. Tell me the statement above and you'll be needing all those numbers.
Now, about you - men? Are there phrases that would be absolutely avoided when talking to a person of the fairer gender. Are there phrases that are going to make that that girl run for the hills (and away from you). Maybe make you feel like you should take up residence far from any civilization. I saw on yahoo news that the unibomer - Ted Kaczynski 's former property is for sale in Montana. You scare the pussy off that much - you might want to consider something like that.
So what shouldn't you say? According to http://www.lemondrop.com/ there are the 5Tired Boy Moves We'd Like to See Laid to Rest
1. "My Life is just really complicated right now." Of course this gem is usually followed up by a good bye speech. Of course we don't want to hear this - or any other excuses. If you want to break up just tell us the truth - maybe that you just aren't into us anymore - that might be difficult but it's an easier pill to swallow from our end. Tell us that your life is too complicated and us "fix it" girls (maybe like myself) will start trying to fix the complicated parts and your plan just backfired... Hummm, now what you gonna do? Be honest, be truthful, and then you have nothing to worry about.
2. "You're upset by this? Well maybe we shouldn't date if I upset you so much." Hey conflict pussy... Seriously, guys who are are afraid of any type of argument, drama or conflict are not gonna last. If a guy can't handle a little give and take once in awhile - how the hell is he going to handle the BIG problems in life, and we all know there are going to be ones - you know babies, marriage, death (the biggies and not necessarily in that order). And other things that are not cake walks. Is he going to shy away from anything that causes emotional pain. If so, he's not going to last. If he can't handle a little conflict, he can't handle a little anyone.
3. "Yeah, I just ran into Joanna. You remember her, my ex? She wants to have Dinner tomorrow, so I'll do that while you're in class, I guess." What is it about guys... do they want us to get jealous so they can get angry at us for being jealous? Or do they just not get it. Sometimes I really think it's the latter. While deep down they get that the new girl is jealous of the ex girl, they don't really consciously think about it when they go meet the ex girl for drinks, etc. But then they'll still get mad when new girl gets upset -- even if nothing happened. You know why guys - because the ex girl basically only asked you out for one reason and one reason only - because she wanted you back. and You, as the man are the deciding factor - it's old vs. new. Make up your mind and live with the consequences and if you are even thinking about cheating - don't!.
Seriously dude? Are you trying to impress me or that girl's number you got? If I'm dating you the last thing I want to know is that you are out hitting on other women. If other women are slipping you numbers - fine, don't tell me, and damn it - don't call them! You are supposed to be with me. Stay with me, be attentive! After we break up - knock you self out with all the numbers in the world. Tell me the statement above and you'll be needing all those numbers.
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Staying positive about dating - when all you get are negative dates.
I'm definitely an expert at bad dates. In fact I've had millions of them (see one of my very first posts The Bad Date Corner about some of my worst dates - I try not to post about specific stories and instances to protect the innocent and (not so) innocent!)
But in all that is bad (and even worse) in dating and love - I try to keep an open mind and in that a positive outlook on it. If I didn't - I'd probably be alone forever... (or continue to be alone forever....) So I try to stay positive and look on the bright side. I try to think of every date and dating experience and every man as "practice" for the man I'm ultimately going to be with (at this point - he's in for a treat - because I've become a very practiced dater... and ummm, a practiced something else as well, I shall leave to your imagination - but lets just say he won't be disappointed there either...)
I think we (BOTH men and women) have to stay over all positive about dating, just to keep our heads on straight. And I say overall, because no one is perfect, and we all need to take breaks - be negative, and hate the other gender once in awhile. Hell, you can even be positive about dating and not know what the fuck is wrong with the other gender (sometimes I think species). I will be the first one to admit and say that women are NO picnic (and I'm obviously a woman myself!). I don't envy men in that they have to put up with and love a woman - I could never do so, women drive me crazy. Of course, men do as well - but in another GREAT and yet exciting way (ohh, if only I could tell you my dreams - but that would incriminate myself and I cannot do that!).
So here are 7 Ways to Say Positive About Dating from Yourtango.com. As always, I need the advice as much as you guys do. So lets all read and think about it, my words in Italic per usual
1. Be Picky.
Nothing makes dating more tedious than going out with guys who you're probably not going to like. Sure it's good to have an open mind, but lower your standards too much and you'll end up with night after night of bad dates. Been there. I cannot count the amount of dates I've done on with a gut feeling prior to the date of, "I don't think this is going to work...." Granted, I probably always have that feeling - and most of the time it doesn't work... so I'm not sure how reliable that gut feeling is. But, I will tell you, that its definitely not wroth it to waste your time - even if it is just for a dinner or a coffee with someone you know you couldn't give two shits about!
2. Have a life.
See your friends and family. Do the things you love (hobbies, exercise, curl up with a good book, whatever). Don't let dating consume all of your free time. Wait a second? You mean that when you meet a guy it suddenly shouldn't be ALL about him and NOTHING else? No, really? So that's what I've been doing wrong :) I can't tell you how many friends have "ditched" me for a guy, then come back and still wanted to be friends. Call me a bitch, but I don't play that game, if you have to chose between him and me - choose him and don't come back to me - I don't have the time for you. You still have lots of time in the relationship for friends and romance - choose both and you won't have an issue.
3. Date against type.
Yeah, I know that may seem like a contradiction to number one. I'm not suggesting you look lower, I'm saying look wider. Try dating a type of guy who you've never considered before. Don't go overboard with this one. You have a type for a reason. Please, if you like the squeaky clean type - don't go straight away for the bad, boy motorcycle parole. Maybe, go from squeaky clean to a guy to a hipster with a Wall Street job. Yes, going outside your type can be exciting and you might find the man you are looking for in a world that is quite unlike your own - just a little bit of new excitement might be enough - but don't bend on your "must have's!"
4. Break your habits. Meeting all of your dates at the corner Starbucks may seem practical and easy, but it gets monotonous fast. One of the best things about dating can be discovering new bars, cafes and restaurants in addition to new men. First off, let me say, I LOVE the Starbucks first date - and easy in and easy out if the date goes bad, and a very easy way to expend it if it goes well. And the second note, I'm very much a creature of habit and those habits make me comfortable and all that. Granted, maybe that's why I'm still single at the ripe ol' age of 30 - ancient in Midwest times - young in the eastern timezone. I can definitely see where breaking the habits of past wrongs would help you stay positive about dating - how can you not feel good about what you are doing if you are always doing something new?
5. Treat yourself. Dating can be a great excuse (not that you need one!) to buy new lipstick, get your nails done, or splurge on a hot new pair of red shoes. Ah, red shoes… Anything that says, "Treat yourself AND SHOES" in the same sentence is a PERFECT thought for me. Lets go SHOPPING!
6. Remember why you're dating in the first place. I find it helpful to remind myself, frequently, that the rewards of a good relationship far outweigh the stress or humiliation of any bad date (or string of bad dates). You're the tortoise here, not the hare. Shit, I really might need a reminder here. Can anyone tell me why I continue to date after all this bullshit? Yeah, I don't know either.
7. Give yourself a vacation from dating (i.e, take a break). Your dating vacation should have a set beginning and end. Maybe it's a month, maybe more, maybe less. Decide how long of a vacation you need and then do it. As with any good vacation, you'll return refreshed and renewed, only maybe a little more horny Dating vacation. I'm there, been there for MONTHS now. Granted, I didn't set a start and end date (maybe I should have!!!). End TBD, I guess I'm just waiting for my man in shining armour to pick me up. Anyone, Anyone?
But in all that is bad (and even worse) in dating and love - I try to keep an open mind and in that a positive outlook on it. If I didn't - I'd probably be alone forever... (or continue to be alone forever....) So I try to stay positive and look on the bright side. I try to think of every date and dating experience and every man as "practice" for the man I'm ultimately going to be with (at this point - he's in for a treat - because I've become a very practiced dater... and ummm, a practiced something else as well, I shall leave to your imagination - but lets just say he won't be disappointed there either...)
I think we (BOTH men and women) have to stay over all positive about dating, just to keep our heads on straight. And I say overall, because no one is perfect, and we all need to take breaks - be negative, and hate the other gender once in awhile. Hell, you can even be positive about dating and not know what the fuck is wrong with the other gender (sometimes I think species). I will be the first one to admit and say that women are NO picnic (and I'm obviously a woman myself!). I don't envy men in that they have to put up with and love a woman - I could never do so, women drive me crazy. Of course, men do as well - but in another GREAT and yet exciting way (ohh, if only I could tell you my dreams - but that would incriminate myself and I cannot do that!).
So here are 7 Ways to Say Positive About Dating from Yourtango.com. As always, I need the advice as much as you guys do. So lets all read and think about it, my words in Italic per usual
1. Be Picky.
Nothing makes dating more tedious than going out with guys who you're probably not going to like. Sure it's good to have an open mind, but lower your standards too much and you'll end up with night after night of bad dates. Been there. I cannot count the amount of dates I've done on with a gut feeling prior to the date of, "I don't think this is going to work...." Granted, I probably always have that feeling - and most of the time it doesn't work... so I'm not sure how reliable that gut feeling is. But, I will tell you, that its definitely not wroth it to waste your time - even if it is just for a dinner or a coffee with someone you know you couldn't give two shits about!
2. Have a life.
See your friends and family. Do the things you love (hobbies, exercise, curl up with a good book, whatever). Don't let dating consume all of your free time. Wait a second? You mean that when you meet a guy it suddenly shouldn't be ALL about him and NOTHING else? No, really? So that's what I've been doing wrong :) I can't tell you how many friends have "ditched" me for a guy, then come back and still wanted to be friends. Call me a bitch, but I don't play that game, if you have to chose between him and me - choose him and don't come back to me - I don't have the time for you. You still have lots of time in the relationship for friends and romance - choose both and you won't have an issue.
3. Date against type.
Yeah, I know that may seem like a contradiction to number one. I'm not suggesting you look lower, I'm saying look wider. Try dating a type of guy who you've never considered before. Don't go overboard with this one. You have a type for a reason. Please, if you like the squeaky clean type - don't go straight away for the bad, boy motorcycle parole. Maybe, go from squeaky clean to a guy to a hipster with a Wall Street job. Yes, going outside your type can be exciting and you might find the man you are looking for in a world that is quite unlike your own - just a little bit of new excitement might be enough - but don't bend on your "must have's!"
4. Break your habits. Meeting all of your dates at the corner Starbucks may seem practical and easy, but it gets monotonous fast. One of the best things about dating can be discovering new bars, cafes and restaurants in addition to new men. First off, let me say, I LOVE the Starbucks first date - and easy in and easy out if the date goes bad, and a very easy way to expend it if it goes well. And the second note, I'm very much a creature of habit and those habits make me comfortable and all that. Granted, maybe that's why I'm still single at the ripe ol' age of 30 - ancient in Midwest times - young in the eastern timezone. I can definitely see where breaking the habits of past wrongs would help you stay positive about dating - how can you not feel good about what you are doing if you are always doing something new?
5. Treat yourself. Dating can be a great excuse (not that you need one!) to buy new lipstick, get your nails done, or splurge on a hot new pair of red shoes. Ah, red shoes… Anything that says, "Treat yourself AND SHOES" in the same sentence is a PERFECT thought for me. Lets go SHOPPING!
6. Remember why you're dating in the first place. I find it helpful to remind myself, frequently, that the rewards of a good relationship far outweigh the stress or humiliation of any bad date (or string of bad dates). You're the tortoise here, not the hare. Shit, I really might need a reminder here. Can anyone tell me why I continue to date after all this bullshit? Yeah, I don't know either.
7. Give yourself a vacation from dating (i.e, take a break). Your dating vacation should have a set beginning and end. Maybe it's a month, maybe more, maybe less. Decide how long of a vacation you need and then do it. As with any good vacation, you'll return refreshed and renewed, only maybe a little more horny Dating vacation. I'm there, been there for MONTHS now. Granted, I didn't set a start and end date (maybe I should have!!!). End TBD, I guess I'm just waiting for my man in shining armour to pick me up. Anyone, Anyone?
Labels:
dating
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Dating Commercials - too good to be true.
I don't know about you, but it sure seems there are a lot of online dating commercials on tv. Seems mostly I see the commercials for Match.com and eHarmony.com (and we all know my real feelings on eharmony - I was rejected by them TWICE!)
Now, I don't know about you, but those commercials on tv show these GREAT success stories, wonderful dates and beautiful relationships resulting from these online dating sites. And even I personally know people who have had success stories (although some I really do question the "true" success...).
Now... I call Bullshit. No one's dating life is that great, even if you are not using the online dating sites. Who has a first date where it's all laughs and giggles and perfect? Yeah, you show me one of those and I'll show you a check full of adult beverages. And the giggling? It's a bit of the intoxicated variety.
So you know these commercials, they make me feel quite like a online dating failure... Really? I can't have that great of dates - meeting people online or in person! How depressing. And really ... lets make all the people feel like losers because they can't date as well as the commercials?
Now, I don't know about you, but those commercials on tv show these GREAT success stories, wonderful dates and beautiful relationships resulting from these online dating sites. And even I personally know people who have had success stories (although some I really do question the "true" success...).
Now... I call Bullshit. No one's dating life is that great, even if you are not using the online dating sites. Who has a first date where it's all laughs and giggles and perfect? Yeah, you show me one of those and I'll show you a check full of adult beverages. And the giggling? It's a bit of the intoxicated variety.
So you know these commercials, they make me feel quite like a online dating failure... Really? I can't have that great of dates - meeting people online or in person! How depressing. And really ... lets make all the people feel like losers because they can't date as well as the commercials?
Labels:
dating,
online dating,
tv
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