Grandma's LOVE the Kardashian sex tape.

I love old people, and I love hilarious old people.  And these Grandma types are awesome.  Check out this video as the women watch the Kim Kardashian and Ray J sex tape for the first time.

This video is 100% clean (amazing for me!) and they've bleeped all the "bad" words out so it's even safe for work!

Alcohol and IQ. Booze actually makes men starter - no shit!

Earlier this week I posted about drinks that men should never order.  But I never thought I would say that you should actually drink!  I've never been a huge proponent of drinking.  Sure it helps you escape - but it's only temporary and the next day you feel like shit (or at least I do)....

But shit, a new study from the University of Illinois at Chicago psychologists found that alcohol actually makes people smarter.  Yeah, believe it or not - booze actually boosts people creative problem-solving skills. 

40 young men were tested.  20 were required to stay sober (yeah, those unlucky bastards!) and 20 were "required" to drink until their blood alcohol level was 0.07 - 0.01 short of what most states consider intoxicated.  The drunk guys solved 40% more of the brainteasers given -- and in a faster time than the sober men.  (Granted, the sober guys might just have been pissed they weren't supposed to drink!)

So, do you need to do some problem solving - drink up bitches!

Just in case you think you made a bad decision....

You are nothing like this guy...  He made the brilliant idea to get his balls tattooed.  And let his friends video it.  Ouch!

http://gawker.com/5903159/if-youve-ever-wanted-to-watch-a-video-of-a-guy-getting-his-balls-tattooed-nows-your-chance

Ohh, and just in case you think this is a one time occurance.... umm, it's not.  Here's another.

Drinks a man should never order ...

Someone famous once said, "Thou shall not pass judgement"  Now, I don't know who that person was, but they obviously lived somewhere besides here... Because judgement runs rampant in these parts.  And boys, we judge the hell out of you.  So, you should keep watch, and basically if you want to get laid, pay attention... There are some drinks you should NEVER order.

No.8 A drink with a name you can't pronounce
These days there are pages upon pages written in bar drink manuals of all sorts of alocholic combinations.  We get that you want to be adventurous and try new things.  In fact - even try to impress the people you are with by your vast knowledge of alochol.  But if you can't pronounce the name of the drink correctly, don't order it.  Someone in your party - or god forbid the bartender - is going to know how to pronounce it correctly and instead of looking like the intelligent drinker, you are just going to look like a pretentious idiot who doesn't know shit.  And really, do you want to look like that?  My guess is no.

No.7 Malibu and Diet CokeNow, I like me some Malibu rum.  Askmen doesn't approve.  They think that Malibu is a horrible beverage.  Diet Coke is great ... for women.  You combine Malibu and Diet Coke and it's the ultimate men's emasculation tool.  Sorry guys.  If you really want the taste -- go for the standard rum and coke. 

No.6 Fuzzy Naval
Remember back in high school when you broke into your parent's liquor cabinet and went crazy on Schnapps?  Yeah, it was great huh?  But once you can buy your own liquor, you should really chose something that is actually worth the price.  Don't go for the wimpy alochol. 

No.5 Non-martini "tini"
Ever heard of the appletini or the cosmo?  Of course you have.  Have you heard a man ordering these?  It's highly unlikely because they are serious girl drinks.  Don't get me wrong - I love me some fancy martinis.  But they are so girly.  If you boys insist on ordering a martini - go for the classic vodka or gin martini.


No.4 "What she's having"Haven't we already discussed this?  Women's drinks aren't for men.  So ordering the same thing as your date is a definite no-no.  OK, wait, boys, I will give you permission on ONE thing, if your woman orders something like a Scotch on the rocks you are good to go.  But that's not exactly the most common girl drink - so err on the side of caution.

No.3 Whatever you want
Ok, fine.  You are a man, order what the hell you want.  If you look like a sissy you deal with it. 

No.2 Sex on the Beach
Sex on the Beach is great if you are actually having sex on the beach.  But drinking it?  Yeah, not so great - even for girls.  Many of us ordered it early on because it sounded so risque.  But it's not risque at all.  It's just a sissy drink for sissy girls.  (and I'm totally ok with being a sissy girl!)

No.1 Alcopop
A new term for me.... alocopop is the bottled malt beverages.   While it's very great to come home at night - pop the top on an alocholic soda - going out and ordering such a beverage is just silly.  Not only are you paying a HUGE markup, you are missing out on all the stuff that's out there.  Mixology is all the rage these days and paying nearly the same price you can have some great drink. 

Things about condoms you didn't know...

You know that condom in your wallet... the one that is practically antique because it's been there so long?  Turns out that condom isn't the only antique out there.  Condoms have been around forever. 

Askmen published this list of things you don't know about condoms.  And as I'm such a fan of these little rubber tubes I had to share!

1. Condoms have appeared in cave paintings
Condoms actually appeared in cave paintings estimated to be 15,000 years old.  Believe it or not, some woman wrote a book about condoms - Jeannette Parisot wrote "Johnny Come Lately: A Short History of the Condom"  But Parisot claims she cannot truly declare the use of the condom - it could be used as some sort of ritual, a form of birth control, or as protection against an STD.  Stone age Transmitted Disorders!

2- Condoms used to be available only by prescription
Ugh, yeah.  You had to go to the Pharmacy to get condoms - actually asking for them behind the counter. And this is not the silly new trend to keep condoms locked up in pharmacies, that's just BS.   But only if you were a man -- men could pick up condoms to protect themselves against diseases from prostitutes - but god forbid you are a woman.  Women could never get condoms to protect themselves from pregnancy or diseases themselves. 

3.  The Oldest Rubber Condoms date back to 1855
Condoms date back to the 17th century!  In an 1824 text a "state of the art" recipe for condoms showed an "easy" dozen time-consuming steps involved in making protection from a sheep's "intestina caeca"  And because of that, they were often considered reusable.  Not sure if someone rinsed it out for reuse or what?!? Condom fragments made from the guts of animals were found during the evacuations of Dudley Castle in West Midlands England.   Imagine putting "guts" on your junk.  Yumm.  But the guts weren't used forever. 

4.  Condoms weren't always given to soldiers
Our military gives us our freedoms, but these men traveling all over the world have one thing at their finger tips - pussy.  And STD's are all over the world...  During WWI, the American Social Hygiene Association actually discouraged the use of condoms.  They thought that those foolish enough to have sex deserved anything they got.  And thank you to Franklin Delano Roosevelt - the Assistant Secretary of the Navy at the time was one of the biggest proponents.  Thanks buddy.  By WWII the ideas about condoms were quite different.  Instead of denying these men protection - they were encouraged with films declaring, "Don't forget -- put it on before you put it in"

5- Condoms have been sold in vending machines since 1928
Those condom machines that have become ubiquitous in men's bathrooms celebrated their 80th anniversary in 2008.  Congrats!  The first machines were made by Germany-based Fromm's.   But these condoms machines have been extremely controversial especially those that appeared in high schools.  Many people believed that the availability of condoms would promote sex.  Umm, yeah...  kids are always going to want sex... giving them condoms only protects them - rather than promote sex.

6 - Invisible Condoms might be next!
Maybe not invisible - but a gel that hardens according to increased temperatures.  We shall see... but my guess is that men will still bitch about not feeling in those too. 

For my small booby friends!

You've heard me in the past talk in earnest about my big boobs - and often about others big boobs as well.  But hey, I'm an equal opportunity type girl and I had to give a shout out to my small boob sisters (and this is way overdue) 

Again, from the Frisky, here is a list of 10 reasons to LOVE small boobs.  My comments (and jealousies in italic)

1. They are cute. They just are. They look friendly and happy and sweet.
Heck yeah, those little round perky boobs are great!


2. You can wear something really low-cut. I don’t dare, because I am scared of things no one should be scared of and also freakishly modest. But in theory, you can. And you probably should, if you have small boobs. Just to do it.
Us big boob girls can barely wear a simple tank top or v-neck shirt without being indecent.  I would love to wear a cute very low cut shirt/dress/anything without feeling like I'm putting myself on display!

3. You don’t look “slutty,” necessarily. Sluttiness is a dumb concept. No one should be thought slutty at all, because it’s just dumb. And certainly no one should be thought slutty based on the basic shape of her body. But it happens. When my large-breasted friends walk down the street in a parka and plaid overalls and clumpy work boots, they get uninvited attention of a sexual nature, because of their breasts. I know, because all of my large-breasted friends wear that outfit, all the time. But to my point: I wear that same thing, and I get no attention at all. Which is nice. And then I wear a scandalously sexy, skin-tight outfit, and I also get no attention! I’m kidding. What I mean to say is, people say, “Oh, that looks nice! You’re so elegant.”
Yup, big boobs have a negative connotation - especially because of all those stripper types going crazy with the implants.  Big boobs often make you look like you are asking for it, and you are just trying to carry these huge ass bags without harming someone.

4. You can look elegant pretty easily. See above.
Fine line between elegant and sleezy.  Lots of cleavage = sleezy.

5. The nipples are showcased. And nipples are interesting. I don’t want to say much more about nipples, because it makes me feel awkward and inappropriate. But I think they’re pretty. OK, that’s it.
I knew someone else felt that way.  There are some serious wrong proportions going on when you have huge ass boobs and teeny nipples.  It just looks weird, so for those girls with small boobs they can pull off the nipples, and they actually look like they belong


6. You can sometimes go braless. I went through a phase, last summer, where I did this, and it was incredibly fun and exhilarating. I felt free. I felt daring. I felt like yelling, “Hello, New York City! I’m not wearing a bra!!” But I didn’t, and then I felt like it was this sexy secret that everyone was probably whispering about. They definitely weren’t, but I talked about how empowered I was with my friends, a lot, and that was nice. After wearing a bra for approximately half my life, it was shocking to realize that actually, it was sort of optional. And then I got stuck in this freezing cold restaurant at a party for like four hours, and carried on a lot of charming little conversations with my arms crossed over my chest. So I’m not ready to give up on bras completely. But I still stand by my right to occasionally go boldly without.
Ahh, braless!  That would be so nice.  But not gonna happen for us big boobs... You know that pencil test?  Yeah - I FAIL that sucker - probably I could keep a dozen of so up there. 

7. You can wear a strapless dress without it being a big deal. I will do this, after I stop being really scared of what will happen if I lift my arms up. Which I need to do all the time– as we all do. My wedding gown was strapless. But that was more because all wedding gowns are strapless, and I had no choice. Still, it was empowering. I know I can do it again, some day, if I keep my arms down.
I can't say I'm a huge fan of the strapless -- mostly because usually they really "show off" the boobs - again, you look like you have a big shelf.

8. You can do yoga without even noticing them. I like not having to think about my breasts when they’re not playing an important role in whatever’s going on. Like if I’m jogging (which I almost never am, but it’s happened once or twice). Or if I’m playing a sport (ping pong), or if I need to be upside down at any point.
Like any stretching or moving - these things get in the way! 

9. They don’t sag. I kinda don’t want to brag about the whole “they don’t sag!” thing, because it sounds more like an insult to big breasts and older women than a compliment to smaller ones and younger women. I’m also not sure I want to unquestioningly support firm perkiness. Last time I checked, breasts were made out of fat, and fat is squishy. And while I do have one friend with mysteriously perky natural boobs, and they are indeed spectacular, they are also the exception. And softness is really nice. Sagginess probably just means you’re older than 35, and some day I too hope to be older than 35. So instead of all that– how about #9 is “They feel good.” People don’t spend enough time talking about how nice small breasts feel. Sometimes I catch myself just feelin’ mine up. It’s sort of comforting. That is maybe the weirdest thing I’ve admitted to on the internet. They fit nicely in the hands. They are like little pillows of happiness.
Sagging.  You can be a young woman (under 30) and these big fun bags still sag.  It doesn't seem to matter how well you take care of them - good bras and sports bras working out - they still end up sagging.  God knows what mine are going to look like in another 30 years.

10. Not to be sappy, but they do the really important stuff. They feel good when they’re played with. They have the ability to provide milk for a baby, which is badass. They’re womanly and pretty. They’re often charming in profile. And even though all of those things are true for big boobs, too, small boobs do it with their own special style. They do it while being awesome for all of the other nine reasons. They might be in a strapless dress while doing it. You never know. Small boobs are full of surprises.
All boobs do great things! 

What did you just say??? Wierd Things said during sex

Ahh, sex.  It's such a wonderful thing.  There are some people who like the silent act of sex (great for those who have roommates or paper thin apartment walls), there are others who scream like banshees, and yet others who just blurt whatever comes to their mind.

Sex is not exactly a place where you often find people censoring themselves.  But according to Sara Barron on the frisky.com the following are the strangest things said to her during sex, can  you top it?  As always, her words followed by my own thoughts in Italic.

1. "Weeee!" I knew a man who said “Weee!” every time he ejaculated. Lest you need assistance in picturing exactly what this would have sounded like, imagine a toddler flying down a slide. Imagine his mommy waiting for him at the bottom, encouraging his fun with a loud and hearty “WEEEE!” That, my friend, is exactly what it sounded like. 

Humm, "Weeee!"  sounds like that man had some serious mommy issues and apparently reverted back to childhood with every orgasm.  Personally, I'm not sure I could take him seriously after such childlike glee. 




2. “Ay mate: why don’t I flip you over and rip you up the shitter?” So, I was dating, briefly, an Australian I’d met at a bar. He was winning and adorable in all the ways you’d want an Australian to be winning and adorable. However, this one night we went drinking, and he got drunker than I’d ever seen him, and then – once unclothed and back at my apartment – he asked the aforementioned question: “Ay mate: Why don’t I flip you over and rip you up the shitter?” Suffice it to say, his use of the verb “rip” did not help his cause. I told him “no” and it ended just days later.


First off, any man who talks like a pirate in bed (when you aren't roll playing ol' Jack Sparrow - yeah, I've never seen the movie, but I know Johnny Depp does it for a whole lot of girls)... Anyway, any man that talks like a pirate in bed probably should be shot.  And if ANY man ever uses the term "rip" when talking about sex, he's not going to go anywhere near my girlie (or "shitty" parts)!


3. “That was fucking. Now let’s make love.” I had an old friend I’d met freshman year of college, and years later, at the age of 26, we finally got around to sleeping together. At a certain point during the event, he was hammering away like a jack-rabbit, then suddenly and without warning, he took pause. He stopped. He looked deep into my eyes, took my face in his hands and said, “That was fucking. Now let’s make love,” and at that point, began a slow and dedicated motion to suggest he was trying to reenter the womb.

Lets be fair, there is a serious difference between "fucking" and making love.  Often fucking is just for fun's sake, while making love actually conveys some real emotion (yeah, probably what sex should actually be, but moving on...)  But to switch it up from fucking to making love during one session - that's just a way too big of jump to make. 


4. “Pas de bourrée, pas de bourrée, kiss.” I’d been set up on a date with a friend of a friend who worked as a regional musical theater actor. To break the ice, I’d spent the first half of our date trying to get him to do a dance move for me. “Please!” I’d said. “A high kick! Some jazz hands! Something!” He continuously declined. Until, that is, we got back to my place.  “Hey listen,” he’d said. “I think I’ve come up with what dance move I should do for you.”  And then he went, “Pas de bourrée, pas de bourrée, KISS,” while pas de bourrée-ing toward me. If you’re unfamiliar with the term (pronounced “PA-da bou-RAY”), it’s basically the French version of a triplet: Step back, step side, step front. This anecdote, I’ve filed away under the category of “Careful What You Wish For.”

Yeah, if a guy wants to "give" me a dance move.  I'm not taking it.  Go bark up another tree.

Women Fashion Fad do's and don't if you want to impress a man

Our friends (well, not sure they are anyone's friends.. as I'm not sure these days if online dating really works at all!)... So our friends at Match.com released an article about what guys think of women's fashion trends.  Now, I'm not really a follower of fashion trends myself, I tend to go for the classic look - probably because I'm a cheap ass and I can't afford to change clothes/accessories/shoes/etc every season - that would just get too expensive.  Besides, I don't want to look like a floosey with some of the shit that is going on - and lets be serious - by the time you hit 30 if you are following some of these so called trends you probably should be taken out behind a shed and shot.  But lets look at current trends (according to match.com) and their male "experts" reaction to them.

Trend #1: Designer Sweats/Sweats with words on them
 Men: -- “This look always reminds me of self-absorbed teenage girls that hang out at the mall. Did you just come from Claire’s or something?”– Steve, 31, writer, Missouri

--“The words try to make sweats something that they’re not. Sweats should be basic, comfortable, and laid-back. That’s what makes them sexy.” – Andrew, 25, grad student, Ohio

-- “With words like ‘juicy’ and ‘pink’ on them, it makes me wonder about what message these girls are really trying to send. Not hot.”– Joey, 29, analyst, Vermont

Me:  Like I expected, why spend hundreds on "designer" sweatpants when you can get comfy ones at Target.  Not saying you have to get the Hanes ones recently (although I did get some nice ones for $3.50, yes 3 DOLLARS and FIFTY cents - cheaper than my latte!).  But a really nice pair of sweats, and I'm talking REALLY nice are way under $20.  And who needs a word on their ass?  It's attracting the wrong kind of attention!  And guess what, this time it's not just my opinion - but at least 3 random guys!

Trend #2: T-shirts with witty slogans or sayings Men: -- “Ninety-five percent of the girls who wear t-shirts that say something like ‘Out Of Your League’ really aren’t, actually. And shirts like these only serve to point that out. As for the other five percent, why rub it in?”– Steve

-- “I love a woman in a t-shirt. But I can’t get behind the off-the-shelf sort of generic slogan, message, or design. Now, a legit, vintage concert or band t-shirt, that’s a different story.”– Andrew

-- “These could be fun. But, only if the messages read something like ‘LARP is a Battlefield’ or ‘I’ve Seen Bloodsport.’ The traditional messages, like ‘Team Jacob’ and ‘Drama Queen’ make me wonder when your parents are coming to pick you up.”– Joey


Me:  Not sure exactly why we are calling this a "trend"...  And jury is still out for me (like ths guys)... And sometimes I wonder if I think more like a guy than a girl, and that scares me a little!  Anyway, I like stupid slogan t-shirts I think they are funny in the right setting (see http://www.davidandgoliathtees.com/)... but like Mr. Steve said above, don't be stupid and wear something that offends the men you are trying to attract.  And wear them in moderation, they aren't really all that "grown up" - especially if you are 30 plus like me (ugh, yeah, I know - getting older sucks!)

Trend #3: LeggingsMen: -- “If you’ve got nice legs, this look can be attractive with a short dress and heels. It says, ‘I know it’s cold out, but I still want to give you guys something to look at.’ That’s just being considerate.”– Steve

-- “I like being able to check out the shape of her legs while still having to use my imagination to visualize what they’d really look like."– Andrew

--“Leggings make me feel like she’s trying too hard. Or like she’s been warped through time from the 80s. Once and for all, Pat Benatar was not that sexy.”– Joey

Me:  Two of the three boys say they like leggings, but to check out a shapely girls legs.  Approach leggings with CAUTION.  I would say, don't at all - you are apt to be judged and judged greatly.  They aren't attractive, and to mistakes to me made are too great,...

Trend #4: Ugg BootsMen: -- “Wearing these makes you look like you were stuffed into a time capsule in 2003 and just recently woke up. Don’t do it.”– Steve

“Unless it’s -10 degrees Fahrenheit out, I can’t understand why any woman would ever put these on. And, if she’s wearing them with a skirt, I probably won’t talk to her. Ever.”– Andrew

“Short for ‘ugg-ly,’ right? Leave these to the Vikings, ladies. They wore them better.”– Joey

Me:  Girls, verdict is in.  Uggs are out!  Now... I'm not one to really judge because I live in my crocs (every color, every style - don't judge - they are SUPER comfortable and super practical for dog park runs and such).  But like Crocs, Uggs have a purpose, and somewhere in the trend that purpose was lost and they became popular for strange things and acceptable for everyday use (even in the middle of summer - which I don't get because they look SUPER hot!).  So, if you want to use them for their purpose, knock yourself out, I fully support that!  But for everyday wear, yeah, I'll judge you too, and I'm not so nice.

Trend #5: Giant Sunglasses

Men: -- “This is the female equivalent of a hipster beard — fun to wear, yet obnoxious. But, if you make a joke about how your delicate retinas need 100% UV protection on a daily basis, I’d be cool with them.”– Steve

“I immediately assume that a woman is not attractive if she covers up half of her face with these things.” – Andrew

“These are absolutely OK — if you’re 87 and playing shuffleboard. Otherwise, they’re just covering up prime real estate. No one is gonna bid if they can’t see the property.”– Joey

Me:  Humm, I can't say much, as I look at my GIANT sunglasses sitting right in front of me.  My delicate retinas need 100% UV protection on a daily basis - right Steve?  Honestly, I just like them because they are fun and different, but I don't hide behind them.  And girls, the way to avoid the hiding behind them is to take them off when you are talking to someone!  The key to a person when you are talking to someone is always eye contact... 

False Penile Advertising

Apparently I'm on a 2 post streak of fake manly parts.  But, did you know that men no longer have to stuff socks in their underwear to make them look bigger in the penis/balls department?  No?  Well, they don't!

Thanks to designer Andrew Christian we now have underwear with built in "penis enhancers."  Mr. Christian's new underwear: The Shock Jock Flirt Boxer and Brief feature a soft hidden cup, sculpted into a penis shape.  The "cup" adds about 2 inches to a man's own package and adds to a man's confidence.  Don't take my word for it, Mr. Christian says, "Guys want underwear that looks natural, feels great and makes them feel confident."

For $32.00 you can order the underwear on Mr. Christian's website.  http://www.andrewchristianshop.com/.  But, I would have to say, use them with caution!  If a girl pulls down your pants and sees a "fake penis" you might be just pulling these back on and running right back out the door, possibly with a lot of screaming behind you - and I'm not exactly sure that's what you want.  But hey, whatever floats your boat!

Although, if I do suggest, Mr. Christan has a lovely pair called the Air Jock with Show It Technology.  See front and back views here...  These are always a good option...  Let me know what you think.  Ohh, and yeah, please NEVER buy anything from this man, he scares me!

The 3 Month Rule

Ugh, another rule.  I am not a huge fan of dating rules, in fact I'm often one to break them completely - and you see how well that's worked for me....

So, when I saw The Frisky's article by Ami Angelowicz on a new rule it caught my attention, mostly negative attention - but it's attention none the less.  And really - what else am I going to talk about with you.  God knows I can't have original thought all the time, these original thoughts are far and few between these days, and I have to save them for school and work - sorry guys, you just get the left over shit and you are going to have to live with it,  But lets be serious, you are getting this shit for free, so you can't be too demanding. 

The Frisky calls it, "The Three Month Rule" and advises everyone that you must wait at least three months before getting excited about the long term possibilities of a new person (well, shit-damn-fuck - I really fail at this one.  Maybe I'm a wee bit too serious, I think about the long term possibilities when I first meet someone, maybe that's why I tend to scare guys away.... maybe, just maybe.... hummm....)

Not that I've really been in a relationship that's lasted more than a couple of months in awhile (yeah, so?  You got a problem with that??!?!?), but the author, Ami is right The first three months of knowing someone is a time of illusions. Instead of seeing the person objectively, you see them for who you want them to be. Your object of desire is laden with fantasies and projections.  It often takes a couple of months to strip away the illusions of who you think they are and see the person for who they really are. 

Ami also points out that in these first three months you can also find out if the person is consistant and stable.  You know... all that shit that will drive you crazy...  Do they call when they say they're going to? Do they cancel dates? Do they even have time for dates? Do they want to hang out once a week or six times a week and does that mesh with what you want? How do they treat you after a month? Any major disagreements on fundamental things? How do they behave in different situations?


So, at the end of the three months you are allowed to sit back and then decide if he's long term or husband material (if he's lasted that long) - is it any wonder I'm not married or have been in a long term relationship?  Now i Have to ask myself... Is it me who is too picky or am I just that annoying? ;)

Pickup lines that actually work!

When I think of pickup lines, I think of a loud bar and a drunk ass guy leaning over into my ear and whispering something stupid ass line into my ear - like, "Baby, you must be a broom, cause you just swept me off my feet."  You know something so ridiculous it makes you groan and want to make the guy just go away.  But guess what?  not all pickup lines are bad, some actually work.

According to eharmony.com, these are their top favorite pickup lines that actually work...

1. Hey, I Love Your Shoes (or Handbag or Coat, etc.)
Being specific about what he or she is wearing and complimenting on it is SO much better than just a generic compliment.  Besides, for girls - complimenting her on something she's bought is always a good thing - and if you get the right piece - depending on what she's into you might just win an extra point.  For instance, if she's a shoe fantastic and you compliment her on her shoes, big bonus point!  Same goes for some guys, but it's not as clear cut.

2. Hi, I would love to get you a drink.
Simplicity is good, but don't be threatening and be willing to take no as an answer (if it comes to that!).  And above all else, don't be scary.  Nothing is scarier than a guy (or a girl) trying to buy you a drink when it's unwanted. 

3. What Kind of Dog is That?
As a dog lover and dog owner, I will say that this is a winner for me.  For other dog people I know I think it's a winner as well.  Dog people notoriously love to share information about their dogs and it's a great way to open a conversation.

4. Are You Single?
No wasted time (always a good thing), and a straight forward approach.  Although you would have to have a little bit of an opening here - you can't just walk up to a person and ask if they are single. 

5. Hi. Who’s your friend?
This is suggested for the more daring and it might work as a conversation starter.  But you have to be careful - make sure you are asking for the right "friend."  you don't want to end up with wingman and not the good friend!

6.  Nice to meet you, I’m (x) and you are beautiful!
Flattery works wonders!  Tell someone they are beautiful or handsome and you are golden.  But don't be a condescending kind of thing, be sincere and serious and not in a dirty way, and you'll get your girl or guy.

7. I bet you were an awfully cute baby.
While bordering very closely on cheesy, this one could be used effectively with the right person and from the right person.  You have to be careful - but it could be used well.

8. How much does a polar bear weigh? Enough to break the ice!
Ok, really?   Yeah... this is just dumb.  If a guy told me that - no.

9. Excuse me, but you have something on your face," (when she goes to wipe it off you stop her and say) "No, no leave it. It's beauty
ok... again - this is bad. 

10. WHO are you?
OK, this list started out really good.  Of course, what else do I expect from an article from eharmony!  Anyway - if someone used this pickup line for me - "WHO are you?" I would be offended.  It's so forward - way too much so!

Healthy Reasons to Have Sex Right NOW.

Yesterday, on New Years Eve, I suggested you all resolve to do something actually reasonable (Resolution Time) and resolve to have more sex in 2011.  So today, lets explore why it's such a good, and HEALTHY reason to make this resolution, and I'm not blowing smoke up your ass here (pun maybe intended - we are talking about sex!)... And this is actually scientifically proven, this shit comes from a real news source, CBSNews and they quoted WebMD. . . So hot damn. 

You know, being the "family" channel - CBS stresses that sex should be in a loving relationship, and I say that's probably the optimal way, but hey, if you can't get in a long term relationship... I'm sure there are other ways to sexercise.  Just open up Craig's List... I know "Adult Services" doesn't Exist anymore, so you can't pick up hookers (or escorts for you more high class folks) but Casual Encounters is still going strong last time I checked and that works just as well.  Check out my blog on Craig's List Changes - No more "Adult Services!" 

So on to the Top 10 Reasons why you should resolve to have sex now!

1. Sex Relieves Stress
According to researchers in Scotland (reporting their findings in the journal of Biological Psychology - I'm constantly amazed at the number of Scientific publications - I wonder who reads all of them!), sex lowers blood pressure and provides overall stress reduction.  The researchers studied 24 women and 22 men who kept records of their sexual activity over time while the researchers subjected them to stressful situations like speaking in public and doing verbal arithmetic and noted their blood pressure in response to stress.  Lets just hope they didn't make them perform sexual acts while they were doing those stressful situations...  But the sexed up people had better responses to stress than those who engaged in other sexual behaviors or abstained. 

2. Sex Boosts Immunity

So having sex once or twice a week (not even all that much actually) has been linked with higher levels of an antibody (warning science content!) called  immunoglobulin A or IgA.  This antibody can protect you from getting colds and other infections (yes, that science content was worth it).  So, some scientists at Wilkes University took samples of saliva (spit for us uncivilized) which contained IgA from 112 college kids who reported their frequency of sex.  Those in the "frequent sex" group (once or twice a week - really for college kids?  that's it??? - had higher levels of IgA than the other 3 groups - those who reported being abstinent, or having sex less than once a week. 

3. Sex Burns Calories
"Sex is a great mode of exercise," says Patti Britton, PhD, a Los Angeles sexologist and president of the American Association of Sexuality Educators and Therapists. It takes work, from both a physical and psychological perspective, to do it well, she says.  Like I said in the Resolution Time blog, Thirty minutes of sex burns 85 calories or more. It may not sound like much, but it adds up: 42 half-hour sessions will burn 3,570 calories, more than enough to lose a pound. Doubling up, you could drop that pound in 21 hour-long sessions.

4. Sex Improves Cardiovascular Health
So, Hugh Hefner just engaged on Christmas Day to a 24 year old Playboy model.  I don't know about you, but I would think he might keel over during a good love making session.  Now, guess what... apparently I'm way wrong!  In a study published in the Journal of Epidemiology and Community Health, scientists found frequency of sex was not associated with stroke in the 914 men they followed for 20 years.  The researchers also found that having sex twice or more a week reduced the risk of fatal heart attack by half for the men, compared with those who had sex less than once a month.  Sounds like Mr. Hefner is probably healthier than the rest of us with all the sex he's had over the years.  Hell, good luck to him!

5. Sex Boosts Self-Esteem
Seriously who can feel bad about themselves when someone likes them enough to want to see them naked and want them enough to have sex with them?  Yeah, no...  Now, I think this study is a little hookey, but apparently Boosting self-esteem was one of the 237 reasons people have sex -makes me wonder what the other 236 reasons were!  Gina Ogden, PhD, a sex therapist and marriage and family therapist in Cambridge, Mass says, "One of the reasons people say they have sex is to feel good about themselves. Great sex begins with self-esteem, and it raises it. If the sex is loving, connected, and what you want, it raises it."


6. Sex Improves Intimacy

Dang, this article was filled with research, researchers, and studies... But what else do I expect from a real news source!  Doing it and having orgasms while doing it increases the level of the hormone oxytocin (not to be confused with OxyContin which is a very strong pain drug that people like to abuse but also gives you that whoo-whoo feeling...).  Oxytocin, also called the love hormone helps us bond and trust (what you don't want for one ngiht stands!)   Researchers from the University of Pittsburgh and the University of North Carolina evaluated 59 premenopausal women before and after warm contact with their husbands and partners ending with hugs. Tey found that the more contact, the higher the oxytocin levels.  So, side note... if you want to avoid that bonding and trusting... avoid the extra contract, the extra snuggling at the end... think wham, bam, and thank you ma'am...  Not my preferred method, but if you don't want to have the attachments of intimacy but with the health benefits... avoid the oxytocin!

7. Sex Reduces Pain
But, for pain reduction... lets keep that oxytocin going ...  as the oxytocin increases so do endorphins and pain declines.  Awesome news for those headaches, arthritis, backaches, or for the women in the audience - PMS!  More studies.....   In a study published in the Bulletin of Experimental Biology and Medicine, 48 volunteers who inhaled oxytocin vapor and then had their fingers pricked lowered their pain threshold by more than half.  Not bad odds, and I'll take it... 

8. Sex Reduces Prostate Cancer Risk
For the men in the audience, this is excellent news... especially as the incidence of prostate cancer seems to rise each year.  If men ejaculate five or more times weekly in their 20's (that's less than once a day - and from stories I hear - that's NOTHING if you are just counting self pleasure and not even counting the sex!), especially those in their 20's, it may reduce the risk of prostate cancer later in life by a third. Another study, reported in the Journal of the American Medical Association, found that frequent ejaculations, 21 or more a month, were linked to lower prostate cancer risk in older men, as well, compared with less frequent ejaculations of four to seven monthly.

9. Sex Strengthens Pelvic Floor Muscles
And for the women, doing a few pelvic floor muscle exercises known as Kegels during sex offers a couple of benefits. (And if you don't know what Kegels are - look it up RIGHT NOW!) You will enjoy more pleasure, and you'll also strengthen the area and help to minimize the risk of incontinence later in life.  Besides, the fact that stronger pelvic floor muscles provide for better sex for you AND your partner!

10. Sex Helps You Sleep Better
And more good news on the oxytocin... it helps promote sleep, which also helps you meet new years resolution #2 in Resolution Time post!  And we know what a great think sleep is!

Stupid things men do....

Wait, before you start rattling off all the stupid things men do, and accuse me of being a man hater, don't!  First off - I'm an equal opportunity hater - I hate woman and men alike - I think BOTH genders do some pretty retarded things and as much as I'm embarrassed to have a vagina, I wouldn't want to have a penis either! 

Thefrisky.com has compiled a list of 10 Stupid things that men do - especially when it comes to dating (because that's obviously the only thing that women really care about when it comes to men, right?)  So what are they?


1. Trying Too Hard. Women don't like a desperate man, If she doesn't call you back, email you back, text you back, or walks away from you - she's probably not that into you.  You might want to read the book, "He's not that into you" and just replace the "he's" with "she's".  Personally, I like a man that's into me, but if he's TOO into me - I'm going to run for the hills.  Yes, that's a very fine line and VERY easy to step over.  But hey guys, you better error on the side of caution, but not too cautious (if you don't show that you are into her - you'll loose her!)  Good luck with that game....

2. I, Pervert. Yes, everyone likes sex.  That part is obvious, we were built to take penis and insert it into vagina (I'm a little embarrassed that it's only a short ways into this posting and I've already used those terms TWICE!).  Anyway, you can be a sexual being without being a pervert, especially on the early dates.  Tone it down and  you might keep her around, at least for a couple of weeks.

3. Laid-Back Dude. Read #1, don't be too clingy, but don't be too laid back.  Find that line.  Don't cross it.  But if you are way too laid back and have a "I don't care attitude," so will we, and we will, "I don't care" it all the way until we find someone else, and that someone else is never going to be you - so if you don't want to care, you better not care yourself to find a girl who doesn't care herself. 

4. Sloppy Seconds. Men don't care as much about cheating - they are just hardwired differently (no excuse, it's true!)  Don't expect us to want you if we dated your bro, or if you cheated.  We aren't like that.  We don't forgive and forget - we get even, and getting even in girls' world is not pretty - don't fore get that.  

5. The Tune-Out. Girls like to share, feelings, emotions, hell we just like to talk.  You need to listen to this, Yes, I know it's not exactly what you want to do - but at least try.  Listen and you won't get in trouble.  Be able to answer basic questions about what we are saying and you are ok.  Tit for tat, baby.

6. Mr. Tight Wad. Some women want to buy all kinds of things - material things (but not all women are that way) - a lot of men want to penny pinch everything.  Hey guys, it's not cool to penny pinch EVERYTHING, Being cheap is so not sexy.   Try paying for the first date, be chivalrous, it's not dead, in fact it's sexy as hell.  Most good girls (and those who don't are trashy and not worth it) will offer and even insist on paying or splitting in the future - but that first date means a great deal!

7. Insecure Much? Show insecurity in anyway, we pick up on it.  Most of the time, it's not sexy.  We want a man who can be strong, sexy and protect us - yes it sounds like this is from the middle ages, and who cares - it's still hot.  Have those insecurities?  Totally ok... we do too.  Let them out later, those are sexy too!

8. No Mo’ Porno.  There is no problem with watching porn to get us in the mood, it's kind of hot.  But porn is to WATCH, it's an occasional thing.  Don't get obsessed.  We can discuss and maybe think about bringing some ideas into the bedroom, but hey dude - we aren't going to act it out, and we certainly aren't going to live our life as a porn star.  Porn is entertainment.  Our sex life is life.  Lets keep it this way!

9. Flattery Will Get You Everywhere. Enough said.  Don't forget it.

10. Our Toilet, Our Rules. Am I the only one is not horribly annoyed by the toilet thing?  Why do all women freak out about putting the toilet seat down?  If he has to put it up to use it, why don't you have to put it down?  All's fair in love and war.  All I ask is that he clean up his drips!  That's more important than if the lid is up or down!

Men in Hats.

I must say, there is something about a man in a hat.  Ohh, and I'm not saying just ANY hat, and not EVERY man in a hat.  Because I have to say, I'm not really one of those girls that goes for boys wearing those silly hipster types hats.  But I'm talking about a boy in a gold old fashioned baseball cap (or even a stocking cap, beanie, or whatever the fuck we are calling it today!). 

There is just something hot, about most men wearing a baseball cap.  I don't know what it is, and I can't explain it - but it's just there.  And, I'm not one to really care about what guys are hiding under their baseball cap.  Honestly, I don't care if a man is bald, or balding.  (In fact, I put up my post, Bald is Beautiful as evidence that I find bald guys pretty damn hot.) 

But if a guy has a worn out, well worn, or favorite baseball cap that he puts on and is just comfortable in - it just makes me pussy wiggle (yeah, I have no idea where that term came from - but it just popped into my head just now and I had to use it!). 

Now... there is a problem with this guy in a hat "fetish" shall we call it.  Some guys look awesome with a hat on, take it off and uh ohh.  Yeah, not good.  I have to kick myself for prejudging them with that hat...  I shall provide a piece of evidence... Mr. Tiger Woods - pre hooker/trashy waitress/thousand girl scandal.  Tiger in his hat, pretty hot.  Take the hat off and ugh - not so hot.  There are quite a few others that follow the same pattern.  I don't know what it is - but those hats, it's like they provide a miracle - and let me tell you, the man cannot wear a hat for the rest of his life! 

So there, you have it.  I have a thing for guys in hats.  I'm sure there are others too.  But just like everything else - use it in excess and we might have a problem.  I'm not gonna want to have sex with you with your baseball cap on, nor am I going to want you to wear it to a 5 star dinner.  But like everything, time and place. time and place.