This video is 100% clean (amazing for me!) and they've bleeped all the "bad" words out so it's even safe for work!
Showing posts with label sex. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sex. Show all posts
Monday, April 30, 2012
Grandma's LOVE the Kardashian sex tape.
I love old people, and I love hilarious old people. And these Grandma types are awesome. Check out this video as the women watch the Kim Kardashian and Ray J sex tape for the first time.
This video is 100% clean (amazing for me!) and they've bleeped all the "bad" words out so it's even safe for work!
This video is 100% clean (amazing for me!) and they've bleeped all the "bad" words out so it's even safe for work!
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
Things about condoms you didn't know...
You know that condom in your wallet... the one that is practically antique because it's been there so long? Turns out that condom isn't the only antique out there. Condoms have been around forever.
Askmen published this list of things you don't know about condoms. And as I'm such a fan of these little rubber tubes I had to share!
1. Condoms have appeared in cave paintings
Condoms actually appeared in cave paintings estimated to be 15,000 years old. Believe it or not, some woman wrote a book about condoms - Jeannette Parisot wrote "Johnny Come Lately: A Short History of the Condom" But Parisot claims she cannot truly declare the use of the condom - it could be used as some sort of ritual, a form of birth control, or as protection against an STD. Stone age Transmitted Disorders!
2- Condoms used to be available only by prescription
Ugh, yeah. You had to go to the Pharmacy to get condoms - actually asking for them behind the counter. And this is not the silly new trend to keep condoms locked up in pharmacies, that's just BS. But only if you were a man -- men could pick up condoms to protect themselves against diseases from prostitutes - but god forbid you are a woman. Women could never get condoms to protect themselves from pregnancy or diseases themselves.
3. The Oldest Rubber Condoms date back to 1855
Condoms date back to the 17th century! In an 1824 text a "state of the art" recipe for condoms showed an "easy" dozen time-consuming steps involved in making protection from a sheep's "intestina caeca" And because of that, they were often considered reusable. Not sure if someone rinsed it out for reuse or what?!? Condom fragments made from the guts of animals were found during the evacuations of Dudley Castle in West Midlands England. Imagine putting "guts" on your junk. Yumm. But the guts weren't used forever.
4. Condoms weren't always given to soldiers
Our military gives us our freedoms, but these men traveling all over the world have one thing at their finger tips - pussy. And STD's are all over the world... During WWI, the American Social Hygiene Association actually discouraged the use of condoms. They thought that those foolish enough to have sex deserved anything they got. And thank you to Franklin Delano Roosevelt - the Assistant Secretary of the Navy at the time was one of the biggest proponents. Thanks buddy. By WWII the ideas about condoms were quite different. Instead of denying these men protection - they were encouraged with films declaring, "Don't forget -- put it on before you put it in"
5- Condoms have been sold in vending machines since 1928
Those condom machines that have become ubiquitous in men's bathrooms celebrated their 80th anniversary in 2008. Congrats! The first machines were made by Germany-based Fromm's. But these condoms machines have been extremely controversial especially those that appeared in high schools. Many people believed that the availability of condoms would promote sex. Umm, yeah... kids are always going to want sex... giving them condoms only protects them - rather than promote sex.
6 - Invisible Condoms might be next!
Maybe not invisible - but a gel that hardens according to increased temperatures. We shall see... but my guess is that men will still bitch about not feeling in those too.
Askmen published this list of things you don't know about condoms. And as I'm such a fan of these little rubber tubes I had to share!
Condoms actually appeared in cave paintings estimated to be 15,000 years old. Believe it or not, some woman wrote a book about condoms - Jeannette Parisot wrote "Johnny Come Lately: A Short History of the Condom" But Parisot claims she cannot truly declare the use of the condom - it could be used as some sort of ritual, a form of birth control, or as protection against an STD. Stone age Transmitted Disorders!
Ugh, yeah. You had to go to the Pharmacy to get condoms - actually asking for them behind the counter. And this is not the silly new trend to keep condoms locked up in pharmacies, that's just BS. But only if you were a man -- men could pick up condoms to protect themselves against diseases from prostitutes - but god forbid you are a woman. Women could never get condoms to protect themselves from pregnancy or diseases themselves.
3. The Oldest Rubber Condoms date back to 1855
Condoms date back to the 17th century! In an 1824 text a "state of the art" recipe for condoms showed an "easy" dozen time-consuming steps involved in making protection from a sheep's "intestina caeca" And because of that, they were often considered reusable. Not sure if someone rinsed it out for reuse or what?!? Condom fragments made from the guts of animals were found during the evacuations of Dudley Castle in West Midlands England. Imagine putting "guts" on your junk. Yumm. But the guts weren't used forever.
Our military gives us our freedoms, but these men traveling all over the world have one thing at their finger tips - pussy. And STD's are all over the world... During WWI, the American Social Hygiene Association actually discouraged the use of condoms. They thought that those foolish enough to have sex deserved anything they got. And thank you to Franklin Delano Roosevelt - the Assistant Secretary of the Navy at the time was one of the biggest proponents. Thanks buddy. By WWII the ideas about condoms were quite different. Instead of denying these men protection - they were encouraged with films declaring, "Don't forget -- put it on before you put it in"
5- Condoms have been sold in vending machines since 1928
Those condom machines that have become ubiquitous in men's bathrooms celebrated their 80th anniversary in 2008. Congrats! The first machines were made by Germany-based Fromm's. But these condoms machines have been extremely controversial especially those that appeared in high schools. Many people believed that the availability of condoms would promote sex. Umm, yeah... kids are always going to want sex... giving them condoms only protects them - rather than promote sex.
6 - Invisible Condoms might be next!
Maybe not invisible - but a gel that hardens according to increased temperatures. We shall see... but my guess is that men will still bitch about not feeling in those too.
Thursday, April 12, 2012
What did you just say??? Wierd Things said during sex
Sex is not exactly a place where you often find people censoring themselves. But according to Sara Barron on the frisky.com the following are the strangest things said to her during sex, can you top it? As always, her words followed by my own thoughts in Italic.
1. "Weeee!" I knew a man who said “Weee!” every time he ejaculated. Lest you need assistance in picturing exactly what this would have sounded like, imagine a toddler flying down a slide. Imagine his mommy waiting for him at the bottom, encouraging his fun with a loud and hearty “WEEEE!” That, my friend, is exactly what it sounded like.
Humm, "Weeee!" sounds like that man had some serious mommy issues and apparently reverted back to childhood with every orgasm. Personally, I'm not sure I could take him seriously after such childlike glee.
2. “Ay mate: why don’t I flip you over and rip you up the shitter?” So, I was dating, briefly, an Australian I’d met at a bar. He was winning and adorable in all the ways you’d want an Australian to be winning and adorable. However, this one night we went drinking, and he got drunker than I’d ever seen him, and then – once unclothed and back at my apartment – he asked the aforementioned question: “Ay mate: Why don’t I flip you over and rip you up the shitter?” Suffice it to say, his use of the verb “rip” did not help his cause. I told him “no” and it ended just days later.
First off, any man who talks like a pirate in bed (when you aren't roll playing ol' Jack Sparrow - yeah, I've never seen the movie, but I know Johnny Depp does it for a whole lot of girls)... Anyway, any man that talks like a pirate in bed probably should be shot. And if ANY man ever uses the term "rip" when talking about sex, he's not going to go anywhere near my girlie (or "shitty" parts)!
3. “That was fucking. Now let’s make love.” I had an old friend I’d met freshman year of college, and years later, at the age of 26, we finally got around to sleeping together. At a certain point during the event, he was hammering away like a jack-rabbit, then suddenly and without warning, he took pause. He stopped. He looked deep into my eyes, took my face in his hands and said, “That was fucking. Now let’s make love,” and at that point, began a slow and dedicated motion to suggest he was trying to reenter the womb.
Lets be fair, there is a serious difference between "fucking" and making love. Often fucking is just for fun's sake, while making love actually conveys some real emotion (yeah, probably what sex should actually be, but moving on...) But to switch it up from fucking to making love during one session - that's just a way too big of jump to make.
4. “Pas de bourrée, pas de bourrée, kiss.” I’d been set up on a date with a friend of a friend who worked as a regional musical theater actor. To break the ice, I’d spent the first half of our date trying to get him to do a dance move for me. “Please!” I’d said. “A high kick! Some jazz hands! Something!” He continuously declined. Until, that is, we got back to my place. “Hey listen,” he’d said. “I think I’ve come up with what dance move I should do for you.” And then he went, “Pas de bourrée, pas de bourrée, KISS,” while pas de bourrée-ing toward me. If you’re unfamiliar with the term (pronounced “PA-da bou-RAY”), it’s basically the French version of a triplet: Step back, step side, step front. This anecdote, I’ve filed away under the category of “Careful What You Wish For.”
Yeah, if a guy wants to "give" me a dance move. I'm not taking it. Go bark up another tree.
Sunday, June 12, 2011
What does your favorite sex position say about you??
Oh yes, I think I have an addiction to askmen. But they provide some good shit, and this one is really good. What does your favorite sex position say about your personality. This could be telling. Besides, I swear to god, these days one of the first things guys ask (me at least, and maybe that's just the freaks I go out with) is what is your favorite position. I'm thinking my new answer should be something like - you, in the kitchen baking me a pie... I like pie, that sounds good.
First, in italics, askmen's words, then my own.
Doggy Style
You have a real disdain toward women, and you try and degrade them any chance you get. This stems from deep insecurities rooted in the many rejections you suffered in high school, mostly due to your overwhelming acne and your complete inability to express yourself through fashion. Now that your face has cleared up and you’ve read a couple of AskMen fashion articles, girls actually want to have sex with you (after a few martinis) -- and this is your chance for payback. Doggy style is the best way for you to completely demean your partner by implementing any one of the following: the Donkey Punch, the Ram, the Bucking Bronco, and your all-time favorite, the Dirty Sanchez.
Well then, boys who like to do it dog style.... sorry about your luck with women. Because if she reads this or ask men, she's not gonna want you. Sounds like you are a real asswipe. And if you implement any of the following: Donkey Punch, the Ram, Bunking Bronco, or Dirty Sanchez with me you better be a fast runner because I'm liable to go Lorena Bobbit on your ass (if you need to look up any of those references go to Urban Dictionary).
Missionary
You’re someone who doesn’t like to take chances and prefers playing by the rules. That’s why instead of pursuing your childhood dream of becoming a trapeze artist, you’ve been working at the same truck-rental company since college. Luckily for you, your boss’ daughter doesn’t love you for your spontaneity in the bedroom. She loves you because you always speak in a monotone, only ever order chicken at restaurants and still find Jeff Foxworthy hilarious. Besides, whenever she craves sexual enlightenment, she calls your brother, the trapeze artist.
Well, sounds like you might be boring. Well, shit. That again doesn't bode well for you. But then again, playing by the rules doesn't always have to be a bad thing... But if she's moving on to another guy (or gasp girl) you might want to step it up.
The Cowgirl
You don’t believe in hard work and are used to everything being handed to you on a silver platter. You’re an only child, so all your life your parents bowed to your every whim (did you really need that mini roller coaster built in your backyard?) to make up for the fact that they just didn’t want to do it with each other anymore. Even the girl you’re with now is the daughter of family friends, and the only reason she’s still with you is because the consulting job your uncle got you helps pay for her expensive coke habit. And if all it takes for her to get her fix is to hop on board Kaptain Kielbasa for five minutes until you finish, then so be it. After all, ripping lines in the condo your daddy bought you sure beats working the streets.
Ohh, snap (and yes, I still use that phrase - sorry). Sorry boys. This one doesn't work well for you either. Sounds like you are one lazy motherfucker. If the girl does all the work (even if this position is great for getting her off), means you are one lazy ass. Soundslike you need to step it up. So step it up dude.
The Spoon
There’s nothing more important to you in this world than being in a relationship. All your life you’ve been picked on by your friends, and you've developed low self-esteem as a result. The mere idea of ever sticking up for yourself gives you massive anxiety. The only person that doesn’t pick on you is your girlfriend. She tells you that your body is too spindly, your hair is too thin and your pork loin is too dry to be helpful, not abusive. That’s why you’ll gladly do her nails, zip up her dress and fill her wallet before she goes clubbing with the girls, and why you look forward to holding her hair back when she pukes in the toilet at 4:00 a.m. After all, if she’s blackout drunk, you can spoon her all night long.
Hey dude, you are a pussy. Grow a cock and some balls and be a man, enough said.
The Cat
If you’ve mastered this Tantric favorite, than sex is only your third favorite thing in the world, right behind drum circles and goji berries. You don’t mind physical orgasms, but you prefer spiritual ones, in which your infinite soul is intertwined with your partner’s infinite soul in a fractal sea of synchronicity. Unfortunately, your girlfriend refuses to give you an orgasm -- both physical and spiritual -- until you cut off those mangy dreads. Or better yet, shower.
What the hell is the cat? And if you know, let me know. All I know is that I'm not into hippy's - they smell bad.
So, the quick answer is that askmen thinks that all favorite sex positions are negative, well that's not good! So what should you do? My best answer... like them ALL! Play, explore and have one bad ass (in a good way) sex life.
First, in italics, askmen's words, then my own.
You have a real disdain toward women, and you try and degrade them any chance you get. This stems from deep insecurities rooted in the many rejections you suffered in high school, mostly due to your overwhelming acne and your complete inability to express yourself through fashion. Now that your face has cleared up and you’ve read a couple of AskMen fashion articles, girls actually want to have sex with you (after a few martinis) -- and this is your chance for payback. Doggy style is the best way for you to completely demean your partner by implementing any one of the following: the Donkey Punch, the Ram, the Bucking Bronco, and your all-time favorite, the Dirty Sanchez.
Well then, boys who like to do it dog style.... sorry about your luck with women. Because if she reads this or ask men, she's not gonna want you. Sounds like you are a real asswipe. And if you implement any of the following: Donkey Punch, the Ram, Bunking Bronco, or Dirty Sanchez with me you better be a fast runner because I'm liable to go Lorena Bobbit on your ass (if you need to look up any of those references go to Urban Dictionary).
You’re someone who doesn’t like to take chances and prefers playing by the rules. That’s why instead of pursuing your childhood dream of becoming a trapeze artist, you’ve been working at the same truck-rental company since college. Luckily for you, your boss’ daughter doesn’t love you for your spontaneity in the bedroom. She loves you because you always speak in a monotone, only ever order chicken at restaurants and still find Jeff Foxworthy hilarious. Besides, whenever she craves sexual enlightenment, she calls your brother, the trapeze artist.
Well, sounds like you might be boring. Well, shit. That again doesn't bode well for you. But then again, playing by the rules doesn't always have to be a bad thing... But if she's moving on to another guy (or gasp girl) you might want to step it up.
You don’t believe in hard work and are used to everything being handed to you on a silver platter. You’re an only child, so all your life your parents bowed to your every whim (did you really need that mini roller coaster built in your backyard?) to make up for the fact that they just didn’t want to do it with each other anymore. Even the girl you’re with now is the daughter of family friends, and the only reason she’s still with you is because the consulting job your uncle got you helps pay for her expensive coke habit. And if all it takes for her to get her fix is to hop on board Kaptain Kielbasa for five minutes until you finish, then so be it. After all, ripping lines in the condo your daddy bought you sure beats working the streets.
Ohh, snap (and yes, I still use that phrase - sorry). Sorry boys. This one doesn't work well for you either. Sounds like you are one lazy motherfucker. If the girl does all the work (even if this position is great for getting her off), means you are one lazy ass. Soundslike you need to step it up. So step it up dude.
There’s nothing more important to you in this world than being in a relationship. All your life you’ve been picked on by your friends, and you've developed low self-esteem as a result. The mere idea of ever sticking up for yourself gives you massive anxiety. The only person that doesn’t pick on you is your girlfriend. She tells you that your body is too spindly, your hair is too thin and your pork loin is too dry to be helpful, not abusive. That’s why you’ll gladly do her nails, zip up her dress and fill her wallet before she goes clubbing with the girls, and why you look forward to holding her hair back when she pukes in the toilet at 4:00 a.m. After all, if she’s blackout drunk, you can spoon her all night long.
Hey dude, you are a pussy. Grow a cock and some balls and be a man, enough said.
If you’ve mastered this Tantric favorite, than sex is only your third favorite thing in the world, right behind drum circles and goji berries. You don’t mind physical orgasms, but you prefer spiritual ones, in which your infinite soul is intertwined with your partner’s infinite soul in a fractal sea of synchronicity. Unfortunately, your girlfriend refuses to give you an orgasm -- both physical and spiritual -- until you cut off those mangy dreads. Or better yet, shower.
What the hell is the cat? And if you know, let me know. All I know is that I'm not into hippy's - they smell bad.
So, the quick answer is that askmen thinks that all favorite sex positions are negative, well that's not good! So what should you do? My best answer... like them ALL! Play, explore and have one bad ass (in a good way) sex life.
Yes, Please and Thank You. Foods to Increase your libido!
Lets work on some homeopathic ways to increase that libido! Who needs that little blue pill when you can just eat some yummy food? So boys and girls - make a fun shopping trip and have a nice bedroom picnic and fuck away!
Celery
Seriously, really? Celery! Turns out that celery contains androsterone which is an odorless hormone released through male perspiration and turns woman on. Hell yeah! Crunch away some raw celery. It's not only good for you health wise, it's good for your sexually!
Raw oysters
We've all know about the aphrodisiac quality of raw oysters - it's high in zinc which raises sperm and testerone production. Oysters also contain dopamine - which is a hormone known to increase libido - even the act eating a oysters - the slurping of a raw oyster is erotic!
Bananas
Not only does the banana have a very "erotic-look!" They contain bromelain enzyme which increases libido and reverses impotence in men (sorry guys... but damn that's pretty awesome, and a great natural alternative to Viagra!). Bananas also have tons of potassium and B vitamins like riboflavin which are great for energy - and what's better for a great fuck session then lots of energy.
Avocado
Believe it or not, the Aztecs called the avocado tree ahucatl, or "testicle tree." Umm yeah. On a side note, not that I'm a huge fan of balls, but those Aztecs did have a point there... The avocado, while being very yummy .. they contains high levels of folic acid, which helps metabolize proteins, giving you more energy - bonus again for long sex sessions! They also contain vitamin B6 which is a nutrient that increases male hormone production and potassium that regulates a woman's thyroid gland. Both help increase the libido! So chop up some avocado.
Almonds (or nuts in general)
Almonds are extremely healthy for you. They have that great healthy fatty acid that apparently is a great raw material for men's healthy production of hormones. Also, the smell of almonds (not sure I get a strong smell from almonds - but I trust the "experts") is suppose to arouse passion is us women. So almond scented lotion or candles are great (of course, I'm not 100% convinced the smell of what they "say" is almond matches up with what I taste when I taste an almond, but I still like that smell that they tell me is almond...)
Mangoes, peaches and strawberries
Ahh fruit, the sexy food. Or at least that's what all the movies make you believe. What's better than champagne and strawberries? Or that's what the movies make it look like - I've yet to be seduced with such a platter - I must be missing out. But all the fruits are suggestive - as askmen.com says (yeah, I supposed I should have told you before now that this is an askmen list - you didn't think I was coming up with this list and all this information out of my ass did you?) The suggestion is to use fruit in foreplay and all the sweety syrupy juices - if you get my drift. If you don't - drip the juices on each others bodies and lick them off. Got it?
Eggs
Eggs are high in vitamins B6 and B5 - all those good B vitamins! B5 and B6 help balance hormone levels and fight stress - highly important if you actually want to maintain a healthy sex life - seriously unbalanced hormones and stress is a recipe for disaster if you want to get laid - just ask any man with a stressed out hormonal wife... Umm yeah.
Liver
Definitely a food lacking in SERIOUS sex appeal - liver is actually good for your libido in diet. Liver is a good source of glutamine which is a cellular fuel for your immune system and liver may help increase a slow down libido. Now, you might be like me and not care how good for you liver is, that shit isn't coming anywhere near me, so I did a little side research - yes all for you... According to wikipedia (and take that for what it is!) Dietary sources of L-glutamine include beef, chicken, fish, eggs, milk, dairy products, wheat, cabbage, beets, beans, spinach, and parsley. Small amounts of free L-glutamine are also found in vegetable juices and foods, such as tofu.
Chocolate
It's not just because woman have a chocolate fetish that borders on scary. (side note, I actually don't like chocolate and have been questioned - frequently - if I am actually a woman, I can assure you -- I AM). Chocolate contains theobromine - an alkaloid - which is similar to caffeine, and phenylethylamine - a chemical that produces feelings similar to "being in love" So really, chocolate does make you feel better!
I can assure you, I didn't come up with this shit on my own, all these crazy vitamins and minerals - I'm not nutritionist or doctor! So you can take my word for it, I found this on askmen.com and of course put my own spin, like I always do. But seriously, these are normal foods - except the liver - and I would bypass that - YUCK. Add them in and hopefully it helps add some fun.
Foods to Increase your libido
Seriously, really? Celery! Turns out that celery contains androsterone which is an odorless hormone released through male perspiration and turns woman on. Hell yeah! Crunch away some raw celery. It's not only good for you health wise, it's good for your sexually!
Raw oysters
We've all know about the aphrodisiac quality of raw oysters - it's high in zinc which raises sperm and testerone production. Oysters also contain dopamine - which is a hormone known to increase libido - even the act eating a oysters - the slurping of a raw oyster is erotic!
Not only does the banana have a very "erotic-look!" They contain bromelain enzyme which increases libido and reverses impotence in men (sorry guys... but damn that's pretty awesome, and a great natural alternative to Viagra!). Bananas also have tons of potassium and B vitamins like riboflavin which are great for energy - and what's better for a great fuck session then lots of energy.
Avocado
Believe it or not, the Aztecs called the avocado tree ahucatl, or "testicle tree." Umm yeah. On a side note, not that I'm a huge fan of balls, but those Aztecs did have a point there... The avocado, while being very yummy .. they contains high levels of folic acid, which helps metabolize proteins, giving you more energy - bonus again for long sex sessions! They also contain vitamin B6 which is a nutrient that increases male hormone production and potassium that regulates a woman's thyroid gland. Both help increase the libido! So chop up some avocado.
Almonds are extremely healthy for you. They have that great healthy fatty acid that apparently is a great raw material for men's healthy production of hormones. Also, the smell of almonds (not sure I get a strong smell from almonds - but I trust the "experts") is suppose to arouse passion is us women. So almond scented lotion or candles are great (of course, I'm not 100% convinced the smell of what they "say" is almond matches up with what I taste when I taste an almond, but I still like that smell that they tell me is almond...)
Ahh fruit, the sexy food. Or at least that's what all the movies make you believe. What's better than champagne and strawberries? Or that's what the movies make it look like - I've yet to be seduced with such a platter - I must be missing out. But all the fruits are suggestive - as askmen.com says (yeah, I supposed I should have told you before now that this is an askmen list - you didn't think I was coming up with this list and all this information out of my ass did you?) The suggestion is to use fruit in foreplay and all the sweety syrupy juices - if you get my drift. If you don't - drip the juices on each others bodies and lick them off. Got it?
Eggs are high in vitamins B6 and B5 - all those good B vitamins! B5 and B6 help balance hormone levels and fight stress - highly important if you actually want to maintain a healthy sex life - seriously unbalanced hormones and stress is a recipe for disaster if you want to get laid - just ask any man with a stressed out hormonal wife... Umm yeah.
Liver
Definitely a food lacking in SERIOUS sex appeal - liver is actually good for your libido in diet. Liver is a good source of glutamine which is a cellular fuel for your immune system and liver may help increase a slow down libido. Now, you might be like me and not care how good for you liver is, that shit isn't coming anywhere near me, so I did a little side research - yes all for you... According to wikipedia (and take that for what it is!) Dietary sources of L-glutamine include beef, chicken, fish, eggs, milk, dairy products, wheat, cabbage, beets, beans, spinach, and parsley. Small amounts of free L-glutamine are also found in vegetable juices and foods, such as tofu.
Chocolate
It's not just because woman have a chocolate fetish that borders on scary. (side note, I actually don't like chocolate and have been questioned - frequently - if I am actually a woman, I can assure you -- I AM). Chocolate contains theobromine - an alkaloid - which is similar to caffeine, and phenylethylamine - a chemical that produces feelings similar to "being in love" So really, chocolate does make you feel better!
I can assure you, I didn't come up with this shit on my own, all these crazy vitamins and minerals - I'm not nutritionist or doctor! So you can take my word for it, I found this on askmen.com and of course put my own spin, like I always do. But seriously, these are normal foods - except the liver - and I would bypass that - YUCK. Add them in and hopefully it helps add some fun.
Monday, February 7, 2011
Single Women Prefer Superbowl to having Sex...
73% of single women would prefer to watch the Superbowl than have sex
Yes, you read that correctly. Online dating website Zoosk.com surveyed 1,000 singles about their thoughts on the Superbowl and found that 73% of single women would rather watch the game than have sex, where only 50% of the men would rather watch than have sex.
So, I hope everyone enjoyed the game last night... And tonight has some great sex to make up for it!
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Healthy Reasons to Have Sex Right NOW.
You know, being the "family" channel - CBS stresses that sex should be in a loving relationship, and I say that's probably the optimal way, but hey, if you can't get in a long term relationship... I'm sure there are other ways to sexercise. Just open up Craig's List... I know "Adult Services" doesn't Exist anymore, so you can't pick up hookers (or escorts for you more high class folks) but Casual Encounters is still going strong last time I checked and that works just as well. Check out my blog on Craig's List Changes - No more "Adult Services!"
So on to the Top 10 Reasons why you should resolve to have sex now!
According to researchers in Scotland (reporting their findings in the journal of Biological Psychology - I'm constantly amazed at the number of Scientific publications - I wonder who reads all of them!), sex lowers blood pressure and provides overall stress reduction. The researchers studied 24 women and 22 men who kept records of their sexual activity over time while the researchers subjected them to stressful situations like speaking in public and doing verbal arithmetic and noted their blood pressure in response to stress. Lets just hope they didn't make them perform sexual acts while they were doing those stressful situations... But the sexed up people had better responses to stress than those who engaged in other sexual behaviors or abstained.
2. Sex Boosts Immunity
"Sex is a great mode of exercise," says Patti Britton, PhD, a Los Angeles sexologist and president of the American Association of Sexuality Educators and Therapists. It takes work, from both a physical and psychological perspective, to do it well, she says. Like I said in the Resolution Time blog, Thirty minutes of sex burns 85 calories or more. It may not sound like much, but it adds up: 42 half-hour sessions will burn 3,570 calories, more than enough to lose a pound. Doubling up, you could drop that pound in 21 hour-long sessions.
So, Hugh Hefner just engaged on Christmas Day to a 24 year old Playboy model. I don't know about you, but I would think he might keel over during a good love making session. Now, guess what... apparently I'm way wrong! In a study published in the Journal of Epidemiology and Community Health, scientists found frequency of sex was not associated with stroke in the 914 men they followed for 20 years. The researchers also found that having sex twice or more a week reduced the risk of fatal heart attack by half for the men, compared with those who had sex less than once a month. Sounds like Mr. Hefner is probably healthier than the rest of us with all the sex he's had over the years. Hell, good luck to him!
Seriously who can feel bad about themselves when someone likes them enough to want to see them naked and want them enough to have sex with them? Yeah, no... Now, I think this study is a little hookey, but apparently Boosting self-esteem was one of the 237 reasons people have sex -makes me wonder what the other 236 reasons were! Gina Ogden, PhD, a sex therapist and marriage and family therapist in Cambridge, Mass says, "One of the reasons people say they have sex is to feel good about themselves. Great sex begins with self-esteem, and it raises it. If the sex is loving, connected, and what you want, it raises it."
6. Sex Improves Intimacy
But, for pain reduction... lets keep that oxytocin going ... as the oxytocin increases so do endorphins and pain declines. Awesome news for those headaches, arthritis, backaches, or for the women in the audience - PMS! More studies..... In a study published in the Bulletin of Experimental Biology and Medicine, 48 volunteers who inhaled oxytocin vapor and then had their fingers pricked lowered their pain threshold by more than half. Not bad odds, and I'll take it...
8. Sex Reduces Prostate Cancer Risk
For the men in the audience, this is excellent news... especially as the incidence of prostate cancer seems to rise each year. If men ejaculate five or more times weekly in their 20's (that's less than once a day - and from stories I hear - that's NOTHING if you are just counting self pleasure and not even counting the sex!), especially those in their 20's, it may reduce the risk of prostate cancer later in life by a third. Another study, reported in the Journal of the American Medical Association, found that frequent ejaculations, 21 or more a month, were linked to lower prostate cancer risk in older men, as well, compared with less frequent ejaculations of four to seven monthly.
9. Sex Strengthens Pelvic Floor Muscles
And for the women, doing a few pelvic floor muscle exercises known as Kegels during sex offers a couple of benefits. (And if you don't know what Kegels are - look it up RIGHT NOW!) You will enjoy more pleasure, and you'll also strengthen the area and help to minimize the risk of incontinence later in life. Besides, the fact that stronger pelvic floor muscles provide for better sex for you AND your partner!
And more good news on the oxytocin... it helps promote sleep, which also helps you meet new years resolution #2 in Resolution Time post! And we know what a great think sleep is!
Friday, December 31, 2010
Resolution Time
So, how about this year lets make some resolutions we can stick to?
Regardless of if you are married, engaged, single or whatnot. Having sex is good for you. Depending on the type of act you do, you can burn some major calories, check out this list --> http://www.c4vct.com/kym/humor/csex.htm I'm not sure of the validity, but if you add up all the actions you do during one round, you can get quite a workout, you don't sweat for nothing! Now, a more reliable source, CBSNews, along with WebMD estimates the calorie burn at 85 cal/30 min session - and that's nothing to shake your fist at!
I don't know about you, but I LOVE sleeping, love naps. I just overall love my bed. What can I say? And guess what? Sleep is good for you, and getting more is always better - unless you are a lazy ass and sleep all day. So how about making a resolution this year to actually get more sleep? Sounds pretty good huh? And guess what? WebMD (and these are the smart people!) say that just an extra hour to add up to the recommend seven or eight hours can make a huge difference in your life. It can mean better health, better sex, less pain, lower risk of injury, better mood, better weight control, clearer thinking, better memory, and stronger immunity. http://www.webmd.com/sleep-disorders/features/9-reasons-to-sleep-more?
Got any other good resolutions?
Friday, December 10, 2010
Charity begins at home...in bed.
A new upscale condom company based out of Colorado called Sir Richards Condom Company is set to put on a new brand of condoms on the market in high end retailers such as Fred Segal, Viceroy Hotels, Paul Smith menswear botiques, and Whole Foods grocery stoes (well, I've heard of 2 of these places, and really have only ever been to a Whole Foods...) The condom - $13/dozen is not cheap, but for every condom sold in the United States, the manufacture is donating a condom to a developing country - you know to help prevent AIDS and stuff (good idea - but do the condoms have to be SO expensive? What are they made from - stretchy gold?!?)
Also, in another twist, Sir Richards has also come out with a cleaver campaign noting the vast price that a child has if the condoms are not used properly. Umm, I would hope that's enough of a preventative. I'm thinking - seeing the fact that it costs that much for a kid, I will pay that little but for a condom!
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Cyber Sex... The "new" sex
So, what am I getting to? Cyber sex. Is it really sex? All I know is that it sure leaves a whole lot to be desired when it comes to this girl! I get the point of people in long term relationships - when that's all you can do. When you can't see each other and your only choice is that.
Monday, November 29, 2010
Embarassing/Awkward Bedroom Moments
I'm starting to love Askmen.com. It's an advice website for men - but they have some great advice for all of us! Today, I found 5 Embarrassing Sex Mishaps To Avoid - and god knows we all want to avoid anything that's going to embarrass us in bed!
1- Farting in bed
Description (as if you needed one for this...): You are lying in bed, and one of you (honestly - usually the man) pulls a dutch oven - hopefully on accident.
How to recover: The first time, and you are new together - according to askmen.com - put it all on her (or him, and go over the top and make it a joke! Hopefully you will start laughing and it will all be over as quickly as the stink. Personally, I like this - mostly because I have some gas and I need an excuse. Askmen.com recommends the following for established couples, "give her the real dutch oven." - (yeah, note to askmen.com - I don't think this will work... bitches get mad when they have to smell that) And honestly, more often than not this will not go over so well.
2- Crossing one of her boundaries
Description: Ohh, this is easy to do. And can only take a fraction of a second. All a guy has to do is suggest an act that a woman is uncomfortable with - say anal or some type of role play - and poof it's all over but the fat lady singing.
How to recover: Askmen.com says you need to first apologize but also realize this is a great time to play the "I’m just so comfortable with you” card and that you respect her feelings and never want to put her in a situation that makes her uncomfortable. (humm, I think I know a couple of guys who have read this... a couple that haven't and just go right for crossing these boundaries and don't give a shit). Now, my suggestion, you are never going to get back those few precious seconds back before you uttered that weird request - so think about it before you ask next time (if there is a next time - and count your lucky stars if there is!). So take a break from everything and just go do something totally nonsexual and relax.
3- Your dirty talk is more weird than dirty
Description: Yes, dirty talk is great, but lets say your dirty talk is a "baby voice" or some according to askmen.com a twisted fantasy you've had since seeing a Star Trek episode in the 90's. She's creeped out (well, no shit!)
How to recover: Askmen.com says that you should turn it into a game... and let her know it's her turn to think of the "weirdest, most unsexy thing you can say during foreplay, wwhatever she says, she wins." If she buys this excuse - you won the absolute jackpot and need to keep this bitch, because you are never going to find anyone so gullible or stupid.
4- It hurts, it hurts… and not the good way!
Description: Think you are in bed, having fun. And something happens... Think of something that you get hurt from - askmen suggests the following: "falling off the bed together, getting a cramp at the most inopportune time, crushing her with your enormous ass or butting heads in the dark so hard that one of you comes up with a bloody lip."
How to recover: How to get over it? Laugh. I think stuff like this is hilarious. No one says that sex is what you see in the movies - it's not all perfect and beautifully choreographed. Instead its fully of awkward moments - that's what makes it fun and interesting.
5- Calling her the wrong name
Description: Askmen says, "If you called her by the wrong name during sex and the two of you weren’t role-playing you’re a jackass -- nothing I can say is ever going to help you get laid by that woman again. Ever. If you did it accidentally in passing, you still have a shot, but timing is everything if you’re going to diffuse her anger."
How to recover: Yeah, I have to say that I have been in bed with a guy and been in the moment and in my head I'm saying the wrong name, but thank god the wrong name didn't slip out - I've been lucky. But I will also tell you - that there is a big ass warning sign here - if you are saying a different name's man in your head while you are making out with another - I think we have an issue!!! Like your mind is obviously on another.
Description (as if you needed one for this...): You are lying in bed, and one of you (honestly - usually the man) pulls a dutch oven - hopefully on accident.
How to recover: The first time, and you are new together - according to askmen.com - put it all on her (or him, and go over the top and make it a joke! Hopefully you will start laughing and it will all be over as quickly as the stink. Personally, I like this - mostly because I have some gas and I need an excuse. Askmen.com recommends the following for established couples, "give her the real dutch oven." - (yeah, note to askmen.com - I don't think this will work... bitches get mad when they have to smell that) And honestly, more often than not this will not go over so well.
2- Crossing one of her boundaries
Description: Ohh, this is easy to do. And can only take a fraction of a second. All a guy has to do is suggest an act that a woman is uncomfortable with - say anal or some type of role play - and poof it's all over but the fat lady singing.
How to recover: Askmen.com says you need to first apologize but also realize this is a great time to play the "I’m just so comfortable with you” card and that you respect her feelings and never want to put her in a situation that makes her uncomfortable. (humm, I think I know a couple of guys who have read this... a couple that haven't and just go right for crossing these boundaries and don't give a shit). Now, my suggestion, you are never going to get back those few precious seconds back before you uttered that weird request - so think about it before you ask next time (if there is a next time - and count your lucky stars if there is!). So take a break from everything and just go do something totally nonsexual and relax.
Description: Yes, dirty talk is great, but lets say your dirty talk is a "baby voice" or some according to askmen.com a twisted fantasy you've had since seeing a Star Trek episode in the 90's. She's creeped out (well, no shit!)
How to recover: Askmen.com says that you should turn it into a game... and let her know it's her turn to think of the "weirdest, most unsexy thing you can say during foreplay, wwhatever she says, she wins." If she buys this excuse - you won the absolute jackpot and need to keep this bitch, because you are never going to find anyone so gullible or stupid.
4- It hurts, it hurts… and not the good way!
Description: Think you are in bed, having fun. And something happens... Think of something that you get hurt from - askmen suggests the following: "falling off the bed together, getting a cramp at the most inopportune time, crushing her with your enormous ass or butting heads in the dark so hard that one of you comes up with a bloody lip."
How to recover: How to get over it? Laugh. I think stuff like this is hilarious. No one says that sex is what you see in the movies - it's not all perfect and beautifully choreographed. Instead its fully of awkward moments - that's what makes it fun and interesting.
Description: Askmen says, "If you called her by the wrong name during sex and the two of you weren’t role-playing you’re a jackass -- nothing I can say is ever going to help you get laid by that woman again. Ever. If you did it accidentally in passing, you still have a shot, but timing is everything if you’re going to diffuse her anger."
How to recover: Yeah, I have to say that I have been in bed with a guy and been in the moment and in my head I'm saying the wrong name, but thank god the wrong name didn't slip out - I've been lucky. But I will also tell you - that there is a big ass warning sign here - if you are saying a different name's man in your head while you are making out with another - I think we have an issue!!! Like your mind is obviously on another.
Stupid things men do....
Thefrisky.com has compiled a list of 10 Stupid things that men do - especially when it comes to dating (because that's obviously the only thing that women really care about when it comes to men, right?) So what are they?
1. Trying Too Hard. Women don't like a desperate man, If she doesn't call you back, email you back, text you back, or walks away from you - she's probably not that into you. You might want to read the book, "He's not that into you" and just replace the "he's" with "she's". Personally, I like a man that's into me, but if he's TOO into me - I'm going to run for the hills. Yes, that's a very fine line and VERY easy to step over. But hey guys, you better error on the side of caution, but not too cautious (if you don't show that you are into her - you'll loose her!) Good luck with that game....
2. I, Pervert. Yes, everyone likes sex. That part is obvious, we were built to take penis and insert it into vagina (I'm a little embarrassed that it's only a short ways into this posting and I've already used those terms TWICE!). Anyway, you can be a sexual being without being a pervert, especially on the early dates. Tone it down and you might keep her around, at least for a couple of weeks.
3. Laid-Back Dude. Read #1, don't be too clingy, but don't be too laid back. Find that line. Don't cross it. But if you are way too laid back and have a "I don't care attitude," so will we, and we will, "I don't care" it all the way until we find someone else, and that someone else is never going to be you - so if you don't want to care, you better not care yourself to find a girl who doesn't care herself.
4. Sloppy Seconds. Men don't care as much about cheating - they are just hardwired differently (no excuse, it's true!) Don't expect us to want you if we dated your bro, or if you cheated. We aren't like that. We don't forgive and forget - we get even, and getting even in girls' world is not pretty - don't fore get that.
5. The Tune-Out. Girls like to share, feelings, emotions, hell we just like to talk. You need to listen to this, Yes, I know it's not exactly what you want to do - but at least try. Listen and you won't get in trouble. Be able to answer basic questions about what we are saying and you are ok. Tit for tat, baby.
7. Insecure Much? Show insecurity in anyway, we pick up on it. Most of the time, it's not sexy. We want a man who can be strong, sexy and protect us - yes it sounds like this is from the middle ages, and who cares - it's still hot. Have those insecurities? Totally ok... we do too. Let them out later, those are sexy too!
8. No Mo’ Porno. There is no problem with watching porn to get us in the mood, it's kind of hot. But porn is to WATCH, it's an occasional thing. Don't get obsessed. We can discuss and maybe think about bringing some ideas into the bedroom, but hey dude - we aren't going to act it out, and we certainly aren't going to live our life as a porn star. Porn is entertainment. Our sex life is life. Lets keep it this way!
9. Flattery Will Get You Everywhere. Enough said. Don't forget it.
10. Our Toilet, Our Rules. Am I the only one is not horribly annoyed by the toilet thing? Why do all women freak out about putting the toilet seat down? If he has to put it up to use it, why don't you have to put it down? All's fair in love and war. All I ask is that he clean up his drips! That's more important than if the lid is up or down!
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Whisper Sweet Nothings in bed. Wierd things guys say to girls in bed.
OK, we've all been in bed, and in the heat of the moment we've said or grunted something that just doesn't make sense. (I've told you before about my little diarrhea of the mouth problem...)
But, you girls out there... have your been in bed - having sex or just playing around with a man, or your man. And then he turns to you and says something that you just can't believe. Thefrisky.com has a list of 20 Weirdest Things Guys have Said to Us in Bed. What do you think?
-- “‘I love you.’ (It was a one-night stand.)” lets just hope he was drunk! I get a little love drunk when I'm highly intoxicated and would be apt to say I love you to everyone - so I can't say much. I think that's why I avoid drunk sex like the plague!
-- “I want to lick your armpit.” eewwwww
-- “There was one guy who could not get off without stringing together a bunch of foul words that made no sense as a sentence. For example: ‘F**k whore a**hole bitch f**k c**t p***y s**t!’ So ridiculous.” ha ha ha
-- “One guy begged me to slap his erect penis.” Sounds like someone has a bit of a BDSM complex, and I would run away
-- “You’re the first biological woman I’ve had sex with in a long time ...” umm, what has he been having sex with, blow up dolls?
-- “My last girlfriend had a bangin’ body.” And what do I have? Yeah, don't compare me, we already are. Give a girl a complex and she's going to give you a good bye.
-- “Your ass tastes like butterscotch.” butterscotch?
-- “I’m sorry, I don’t always cry like this.” A boy cry in bed... yes, I'm not sticking around.
-- “‘Can I cut you?’ My response, ‘AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!’” Can I punch you in the face?
-- “Can I stick it in now?” Can you use a little more romantic language?
-- “‘I just want to make you come, Jeanine.’ (Not my name.)” Use another person's name in bed, you better hope you have her on speed dial, because I'm not going to call you back.
-- “Did you see ‘Two girls, one cup’?” No, and I don't plan to.
-- “Call me daddy.” Call me, never.
-- “You’re like a man in bed.” no girl wants to be called a man, ever. Especially in bed.
-- “I wanna shave you first.” Can we shave your back, ass, and the rest of your body hair as well?
-- “You’re not pulling my balls hard enough.” I don't like balls, so if I'm pulling, I"m pulling them off.
-- “Don’t worry, my mom has heard me have sex before.” Umm, thanks. And no thanks.
-- “If we go back to my place, my roommate will totally join in.” Great, threesome. But can I see his picture first. I'm not about to come into this blind. Yeah, how about not.
-- “I met him on an online dating site. We had only emailed back and forth, but he kept saying, ‘I’m a stranger. You don’t know me, I’m a stranger, you don’t know me. I’m a stranger you don’t know me,’ over and over again.” and I won't be getting to know you thank you very much.
-- “‘Could you wash this?’ (Handing me a used butt plug.)” Used toys are gross, no explanation needed.
But, you girls out there... have your been in bed - having sex or just playing around with a man, or your man. And then he turns to you and says something that you just can't believe. Thefrisky.com has a list of 20 Weirdest Things Guys have Said to Us in Bed. What do you think?
-- “I want to lick your armpit.” eewwwww
-- “There was one guy who could not get off without stringing together a bunch of foul words that made no sense as a sentence. For example: ‘F**k whore a**hole bitch f**k c**t p***y s**t!’ So ridiculous.” ha ha ha
-- “One guy begged me to slap his erect penis.” Sounds like someone has a bit of a BDSM complex, and I would run away
-- “You’re the first biological woman I’ve had sex with in a long time ...” umm, what has he been having sex with, blow up dolls?
-- “My last girlfriend had a bangin’ body.” And what do I have? Yeah, don't compare me, we already are. Give a girl a complex and she's going to give you a good bye.
-- “Your ass tastes like butterscotch.” butterscotch?
-- “I’m sorry, I don’t always cry like this.” A boy cry in bed... yes, I'm not sticking around.
-- “‘Can I cut you?’ My response, ‘AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!’” Can I punch you in the face?
-- “Can I stick it in now?” Can you use a little more romantic language?
-- “‘I just want to make you come, Jeanine.’ (Not my name.)” Use another person's name in bed, you better hope you have her on speed dial, because I'm not going to call you back.
-- “Did you see ‘Two girls, one cup’?” No, and I don't plan to.
-- “Call me daddy.” Call me, never.
-- “You’re like a man in bed.” no girl wants to be called a man, ever. Especially in bed.
-- “I wanna shave you first.” Can we shave your back, ass, and the rest of your body hair as well?
-- “You’re not pulling my balls hard enough.” I don't like balls, so if I'm pulling, I"m pulling them off.
-- “Don’t worry, my mom has heard me have sex before.” Umm, thanks. And no thanks.
-- “If we go back to my place, my roommate will totally join in.” Great, threesome. But can I see his picture first. I'm not about to come into this blind. Yeah, how about not.
-- “I met him on an online dating site. We had only emailed back and forth, but he kept saying, ‘I’m a stranger. You don’t know me, I’m a stranger, you don’t know me. I’m a stranger you don’t know me,’ over and over again.” and I won't be getting to know you thank you very much.
-- “‘Could you wash this?’ (Handing me a used butt plug.)” Used toys are gross, no explanation needed.
Monday, November 22, 2010
Sex Rules you SHOULD break.
So... women (and men even) often have misconceptions about sex. Believe it or not, rules are made to be broken! So, thefrisky.com looks at 9 Sex Rules are should be broken.
9. You Definitely Shouldn't Fantasize About Someone Else
Ian Kerner, PhD and editor-in-cheif of Good in Bed says that "In my experience, woman fantasize way more than men do. Men tend to only fantasize if they're bored and want to keep themselves aroused. Women are often very engaged by the sex they're having and fantasize anyway -- it's a great way to mentally deactivate." And you know what that means... No, you dont'? Ohh, ok - well let me tell you. Fantasies are fine! They keep the fire alive. They are just that - fantasies, not reality. Frisky.com says, "Get as raunchy as you want to within the four walls of your mind. And, really, who's gonna know?" And I really like that advice, of course, anything that says, "raunchy" is an A+ in my book. And note, for those who find themselves in bed with that dreaded tiny peen or that guy who is just really shitty at sex... fantasizing... it can help you get through a very horrid sexual experience and turn it into a mildly ok one. Trust me, I'm a frequent fantasizer, if you catch my drift. But these fantasies, not needed quite as much if you catch a good one!
8 . Toys Will Scare Him
Toys? Like Tonka Trucks. Yeah, no. Here's a fact for you guys... Women already know this! only 30% of woman orgasm from intercourse alone. Thefrisky.com suggests the "wevibe" a sextoy that can be used during intercourse for both you and him... I have to say, I'm a true fan of the sex toy in alone play, but I can't say I've introduced it into couple play - not that the thought hasn't crossed my mind...
7. Men Really Don't Like "Going There"
Our new friend, Ian Kerner also wrote a book called, "She Comes First"... a book about men "going down on women." OK, women... please a round of applause for Mr. Kerner! Thank you! Now men, please click on the link to the left, get over your fears of it, and suck it up (pun maybe intended...) and buy the book and please learn... Now, Mr. Kerner says that "In my experience, 90 percent of discomfort around oral sex comes from women who are afraid they don't taste or smell good, or are afraid they're taking too long. Women need to know that guys love doing this, and it allows them to relax and enjoy in a way they often can't during sex." Now, I don't know about this. I would say I run about a 50/50 percentage, half the guys are ok with it, half act like "down there" is toxic. Of course - shit - maybe it's me. Fuck. I hope not.
6.You Have to Be "In the Mood" to Do It
More research (again, what's with all these little stupid articles I find and all these obscure research studies - obviously someone is funding this stuff somewhere!). Apparently the latest female sexuality research is focused on "mindfulness" - a fancy buzz word meaning that we have a hard time transitioning from non-sexual thought to sexual thought. So what about us that always has part of our brain thinking about sex (maybe because we are feeling a wee bit deprived...) A Sex Therapist (yes, it's a real job and not just in the movies), Louanne Cole Weston provides the following advice for those who have a hard time turning the switch from on to off in sexual thoughts....
1) Focus on the "transitions." from on to off. It might mean a long hot bath or a short massage (now I much prefer the longer massages, but that's just me). "They're little acts that allow women to fully be there during sex as opposed to being persuaded into it,"
2) the mindfulness part: When the actual act of sex and/or foreplay starts (some people have strange definitions of both)... , try breathing in and out, focusing on your breath, then honing in on the silkiness of the sheets, the smoothness of his skin, or the taste of the dark-chocolate-dipped strawberries he's lovingly feeding you. (yeah, who gets that kind of romance - certainly not me - I'm lucky if I can get kisses before a wham! bam! thank you ma'am!) This careful attention to sensual detail can be what it takes to get you in the mood -- even if you thought that's the last place you wanted to be.
5. You Should Never Talk Sex With Your Friends
OK. Of course you should talk sex, IN GENERAL, with your friends. Who is going to tell you the best tricks, tips and techniques. Yes, I'm serious. Don't give nasty details including who you are sleeping with. No one wants to be able to picture exactly the act, including the person. That just puts too many pictures in someone's head, and if they want to hear exactly about it - they are a freak and probably you don't want them to be your friend anyway.... But outside of your friends, keep mumm. Your gossipy coworker doesn't need to know about your sex life (umm, I can provide you that nugget of advice from experience), and no one really cares about how good you are at bjs - well, unless you write a semi popular anonymous blog that is fairly well received and read around the world (know anyone like this?)
4. You Should Never Do It on the First Date
Humm, let me start out by saying, I'm guilty of putting out on the first date. I'm also guilty of walking out within 15 min of starting a first date. I've also been stood up, and been left halfway through a first date. Hell, first dates are not exactly my favorite. If it was my choice I would skip to date 4 or 5 if I could. Frisky.com says that, "By all means, act on your right to extract as much pleasure from the evening as possible. And without sounding like your mother, we'd just like to say this: Anyone who tells you otherwise is just jealous. There will likely come a time when these where-am-I-who-is-he? mornings are things of the past, and the only thing you'll regret then is passing up the chance." And I'll take their quote on this one.
3. It's OK to Fake It
I am in 100% agreement with thefrisky.com when they say, "It is never OK to fake it." Thank god someone has finally said that. When you women fake it - you are doing nothing for yourself - or womenkind in general. You are only just encouraging bad behavior in men. If they think they are pleasuring you and doing it ALL wrong and achieving the end goal, you are just teaching them bad behaviors. Seriously, don't let them get away with that. Tell him the truth, don't just do it for you - do it for all the woman that will follow you. Please, and thank you.
2. Porn Is the Enemy
OK, take porn for what it is. Actors and Actresses acting out fantasies on screen. No, you don't have to pretend you are one of them - they are professionals, if you can't bend (or stretch ) like that - it's fine! Use a modification of that pose, or a modification of that idea and use it as a way to turn each other on.
1. It Has to Be Perfect
Sex is not perfect, in fact it's pretty messy if it's good, and if you are too worried about your body being perfect or your underwear being perfect you aren't going to enjoy yourself. So relax. Please just sit back and relax (but not too much - no one wants a lazy fish lover!). Sex is awkward, arms, legs and torsos can get mixed up and end up everywhere. Laughter is the best medicine (and to be arguably the biggest turn on!) If you aren't having fun, call me up... I'll switch places with you and I'm sure I'll have fun with your man.
9. You Definitely Shouldn't Fantasize About Someone Else
Ian Kerner, PhD and editor-in-cheif of Good in Bed says that "In my experience, woman fantasize way more than men do. Men tend to only fantasize if they're bored and want to keep themselves aroused. Women are often very engaged by the sex they're having and fantasize anyway -- it's a great way to mentally deactivate." And you know what that means... No, you dont'? Ohh, ok - well let me tell you. Fantasies are fine! They keep the fire alive. They are just that - fantasies, not reality. Frisky.com says, "Get as raunchy as you want to within the four walls of your mind. And, really, who's gonna know?" And I really like that advice, of course, anything that says, "raunchy" is an A+ in my book. And note, for those who find themselves in bed with that dreaded tiny peen or that guy who is just really shitty at sex... fantasizing... it can help you get through a very horrid sexual experience and turn it into a mildly ok one. Trust me, I'm a frequent fantasizer, if you catch my drift. But these fantasies, not needed quite as much if you catch a good one!
8 . Toys Will Scare Him
Toys? Like Tonka Trucks. Yeah, no. Here's a fact for you guys... Women already know this! only 30% of woman orgasm from intercourse alone. Thefrisky.com suggests the "wevibe" a sextoy that can be used during intercourse for both you and him... I have to say, I'm a true fan of the sex toy in alone play, but I can't say I've introduced it into couple play - not that the thought hasn't crossed my mind...
7. Men Really Don't Like "Going There"
Our new friend, Ian Kerner also wrote a book called, "She Comes First"... a book about men "going down on women." OK, women... please a round of applause for Mr. Kerner! Thank you! Now men, please click on the link to the left, get over your fears of it, and suck it up (pun maybe intended...) and buy the book and please learn... Now, Mr. Kerner says that "In my experience, 90 percent of discomfort around oral sex comes from women who are afraid they don't taste or smell good, or are afraid they're taking too long. Women need to know that guys love doing this, and it allows them to relax and enjoy in a way they often can't during sex." Now, I don't know about this. I would say I run about a 50/50 percentage, half the guys are ok with it, half act like "down there" is toxic. Of course - shit - maybe it's me. Fuck. I hope not.
6.You Have to Be "In the Mood" to Do It
More research (again, what's with all these little stupid articles I find and all these obscure research studies - obviously someone is funding this stuff somewhere!). Apparently the latest female sexuality research is focused on "mindfulness" - a fancy buzz word meaning that we have a hard time transitioning from non-sexual thought to sexual thought. So what about us that always has part of our brain thinking about sex (maybe because we are feeling a wee bit deprived...) A Sex Therapist (yes, it's a real job and not just in the movies), Louanne Cole Weston provides the following advice for those who have a hard time turning the switch from on to off in sexual thoughts....
1) Focus on the "transitions." from on to off. It might mean a long hot bath or a short massage (now I much prefer the longer massages, but that's just me). "They're little acts that allow women to fully be there during sex as opposed to being persuaded into it,"
2) the mindfulness part: When the actual act of sex and/or foreplay starts (some people have strange definitions of both)... , try breathing in and out, focusing on your breath, then honing in on the silkiness of the sheets, the smoothness of his skin, or the taste of the dark-chocolate-dipped strawberries he's lovingly feeding you. (yeah, who gets that kind of romance - certainly not me - I'm lucky if I can get kisses before a wham! bam! thank you ma'am!) This careful attention to sensual detail can be what it takes to get you in the mood -- even if you thought that's the last place you wanted to be.
OK. Of course you should talk sex, IN GENERAL, with your friends. Who is going to tell you the best tricks, tips and techniques. Yes, I'm serious. Don't give nasty details including who you are sleeping with. No one wants to be able to picture exactly the act, including the person. That just puts too many pictures in someone's head, and if they want to hear exactly about it - they are a freak and probably you don't want them to be your friend anyway.... But outside of your friends, keep mumm. Your gossipy coworker doesn't need to know about your sex life (umm, I can provide you that nugget of advice from experience), and no one really cares about how good you are at bjs - well, unless you write a semi popular anonymous blog that is fairly well received and read around the world (know anyone like this?)
4. You Should Never Do It on the First Date
Humm, let me start out by saying, I'm guilty of putting out on the first date. I'm also guilty of walking out within 15 min of starting a first date. I've also been stood up, and been left halfway through a first date. Hell, first dates are not exactly my favorite. If it was my choice I would skip to date 4 or 5 if I could. Frisky.com says that, "By all means, act on your right to extract as much pleasure from the evening as possible. And without sounding like your mother, we'd just like to say this: Anyone who tells you otherwise is just jealous. There will likely come a time when these where-am-I-who-is-he? mornings are things of the past, and the only thing you'll regret then is passing up the chance." And I'll take their quote on this one.
I am in 100% agreement with thefrisky.com when they say, "It is never OK to fake it." Thank god someone has finally said that. When you women fake it - you are doing nothing for yourself - or womenkind in general. You are only just encouraging bad behavior in men. If they think they are pleasuring you and doing it ALL wrong and achieving the end goal, you are just teaching them bad behaviors. Seriously, don't let them get away with that. Tell him the truth, don't just do it for you - do it for all the woman that will follow you. Please, and thank you.
2. Porn Is the Enemy
OK, take porn for what it is. Actors and Actresses acting out fantasies on screen. No, you don't have to pretend you are one of them - they are professionals, if you can't bend (or stretch ) like that - it's fine! Use a modification of that pose, or a modification of that idea and use it as a way to turn each other on.
1. It Has to Be Perfect
Sex is not perfect, in fact it's pretty messy if it's good, and if you are too worried about your body being perfect or your underwear being perfect you aren't going to enjoy yourself. So relax. Please just sit back and relax (but not too much - no one wants a lazy fish lover!). Sex is awkward, arms, legs and torsos can get mixed up and end up everywhere. Laughter is the best medicine (and to be arguably the biggest turn on!) If you aren't having fun, call me up... I'll switch places with you and I'm sure I'll have fun with your man.
What type of CONDOM are you?
Turns out there is a quiz to find out what type of condom you are, and the quiz is brought to us by my very own - DC Department of Health. Now, believe it or not - I'm NOT going to make fun of this!!! DC has one of the highest per capita rate of AIDS/HIV infections (and that on it's own scares the crap out of me considering I'm dating - and fucking! in and around this very city!)
But, it's pretty interesting to find out what kind of condom you are. Now, the "quiz" very much like a quiz in any one of those Cosmo or other silly magazines asks 5 basic questions - ranging from what type of music is your favorite, to what type of drink you want in a bar, to what you like to listen to... My result:
Super-size (Larger) Condom
You do everything in a bold way and refuse to settle for anything less. Your larger than life personality best suits a super-size condom.
Yeah, I'm not making that up! Go Check it out yourself. http://www.rubberrevolutiondc.com/ And please, use a condom EVERY time. I don't want to be worried about your peen or vag, please. I worry enough about my own.
But, it's pretty interesting to find out what kind of condom you are. Now, the "quiz" very much like a quiz in any one of those Cosmo or other silly magazines asks 5 basic questions - ranging from what type of music is your favorite, to what type of drink you want in a bar, to what you like to listen to... My result:
You do everything in a bold way and refuse to settle for anything less. Your larger than life personality best suits a super-size condom.
Yeah, I'm not making that up! Go Check it out yourself. http://www.rubberrevolutiondc.com/ And please, use a condom EVERY time. I don't want to be worried about your peen or vag, please. I worry enough about my own.
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
The "bad girls" burden
So, let me tell you a story. It's kind of sad in a way. Lets say, hypothetically a girl is good at sex or at least one part of sex (say, maybe the blow job). We shall call her the "bad girl" And maybe this Bad Girl has done a bit of reforming in the past little while (check Missing Mr. Right Now post). And while she's got some great techniques in her back pocket she's not really handing that shit out anymore. (Wait, not that she ever did!)
Anyway, there is a true burden to being good in bed, especially when you are living the "celibate" lifestyle waiting for Mr. Perfect (even if that's a myth - "she" chooses to believe!) It's amazing how many of the past men come out of the woodwork. And it's not the good men (granted, how many men that are in the past would you consider "good?) But it's the guys that you really didn't want to hear from again. Think dates that you might have felt sorry for and played with... (no one said she was perfect - so suck it, that was BEFORE!) Or guys with teeny peeny that might have been in the past that she might have dated, but it didn't work out, and lets be serious - if you are going to just fool around, without any commitment you really aren't going to chose the guy with the teeny peen!
And then there is the really hard ones (pun maybe intended!) those guys coming back for more that "she" actually enjoined in bed. You know how hard it is to resist that. Especially when they are telling you how good you are in bed. That's really hard to resist!
Here's to all the reforming bad girls out there! Trying to resist all the advances from guys coming back for more.
And then there is the really hard ones (pun maybe intended!) those guys coming back for more that "she" actually enjoined in bed. You know how hard it is to resist that. Especially when they are telling you how good you are in bed. That's really hard to resist!
Here's to all the reforming bad girls out there! Trying to resist all the advances from guys coming back for more.
Monday, November 8, 2010
Snuggie Sutra. Sex with your Snuggie on!
So, I was watching Chelsea Lately the other night (one of my all-time favorite shows, and one of the funniest ladies ever!) And she opened my eyes to a whole new world of sex... a whole new dimension of positions and things I had never imagined, and low and behold there is a book to instruct me! Everyone - check out THE SNUGGIE SUTRA. (And buy it from my Amazon link to the right - I get a 10% kickback and damn it, I might as well get this blog to pay me back! I KNOW you want it!)
So, The SnuggieSutra describes itself as:
The book first began as a website in May 2009, but the "authors" has so many positions that they just had to write a book and it was released just last month - September 2010. The book includes 100 Snuggie Sex positions, including 85 that have never been seen online!
Now, I don't know about you, but I'm always cold - especially in the winter! I always have a blanket on, now I haven't invested in the Snuggie, mostly because I have many blankets at home that I really do love, and I'm not sure if people would make fun of me relentlessly because of the Snuggie. But lets me real - a Snuggie does have some real advantages, your hands are free, you can even get up and walk around and the blanket stays on. Now, I don't know about those fools they show in the commercial who are wearing their snuggies out and and about. That's just foolish, have their every heard of a COAT? Now, that's just me...
But let's talk about sex... Right? So, I'm cold just watching tv. I'm fully clothed AND have a blanket on. Now get me naked in bed, and EVEN if I'm turned on I can get cold when my skin is exposed to the elements (and I'm not even talking about having sex outside!). Having sex with a Snuggie on has some possibilities. Humm. So how about some positions?
THE CHARLIE SHEEN:
He wears the Snuggie on his back. For a while he was on top, but now it looks like he's going to hit bottom. He's clearly on something, and he's covering it up.
THE PARACHUTE
The eager anticipation. The rush of adrenaline. The thrill you feel at the end. Sure it's a risk, but it's worth it. You'll want to do it again and again.
So, The SnuggieSutra describes itself as:
The book first began as a website in May 2009, but the "authors" has so many positions that they just had to write a book and it was released just last month - September 2010. The book includes 100 Snuggie Sex positions, including 85 that have never been seen online!
Now, I don't know about you, but I'm always cold - especially in the winter! I always have a blanket on, now I haven't invested in the Snuggie, mostly because I have many blankets at home that I really do love, and I'm not sure if people would make fun of me relentlessly because of the Snuggie. But lets me real - a Snuggie does have some real advantages, your hands are free, you can even get up and walk around and the blanket stays on. Now, I don't know about those fools they show in the commercial who are wearing their snuggies out and and about. That's just foolish, have their every heard of a COAT? Now, that's just me...
But let's talk about sex... Right? So, I'm cold just watching tv. I'm fully clothed AND have a blanket on. Now get me naked in bed, and EVEN if I'm turned on I can get cold when my skin is exposed to the elements (and I'm not even talking about having sex outside!). Having sex with a Snuggie on has some possibilities. Humm. So how about some positions?
THE CHARLIE SHEEN:
He wears the Snuggie on his back. For a while he was on top, but now it looks like he's going to hit bottom. He's clearly on something, and he's covering it up.
THE PARACHUTE
The eager anticipation. The rush of adrenaline. The thrill you feel at the end. Sure it's a risk, but it's worth it. You'll want to do it again and again.
THE PITCHED TENTShe leans down over a picnic table with her arms through the Snuggie's sleeves. He stands behind her, the remaining fabric draping over his broad shoulders. You can take each other to high peaks, soothing valley's, and keep coming back for s'more.
About The Snuggie Sutra:
Sex is fun. Blankets are a pain in the ass.
You know how it is. You and your lover are in bed, eager to engage in coitus, orgasmic ecstasy easily within reach. But the blankets get tangled. Or tossed aside. She gets cold. He gets shrinkage.
There's never been a solution to having sex while avoiding a chill. Until the Snuggie.
The Snuggie Sutra is like the Kama Sutra, only with Snuggies. It's an illustrated guide to sexual positions that are both erotic and warm.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)