Craig's List Ad of the Day - Thumb Fetish?

Eating lunch and browsing Craigs List - it's one of my favorite past times.  I have a definite pattern - I look at the pets section first (not that I need another dog - but always good to look), then if I have time I move on over to the Men for Women section.  I'm really looking for "normal" guys that might want to chat, but I always tend to find the crazy. 

Today's.... a man who has a SERIOUS thumb fetish,  Yes, thumbs.  Now, I have to hope that this guy is just posting this to get a rise out of people (I may have done that myself before...) but you never know.  So I present, Thumb Boy...

Hire me! You won't regret it! Sexy Stories written just for you!

So some of you must have read the post I did a couple of days ago about Girlfriendhire.  I was trying to figure out what I should do on the website.  Well, hot damn... last night as I was trying to fall asleep it came to me! 

Check out my posting... http://www.girlfriendhire.com/fake-girlfriend-bizarre-fling-five-dollars/303/write-a-sexy-story-starring-YOU!

Just for you, I will write a very sexy story (think Penthouse letters!) starring you.  All you have to do is give me a general theme and I will get it to you in a couple of days.  Hot I know.

And because you are my loyal fans, the blow is a full example!

The weekends had been long and lonely lately. Busty Blond Bombshell (BBB) was having a bit of a dry spell. This, however normal for many, was quite unusual for our Bombshell. She had let laundry get the best of her and had spent the better part of this weekend washing and folding clothes.


Now, late Sunday night she looked over the piles of folded clothes, the faint smell of laundry detergent and fabric softener lingering in the air and the emotions ran high. Only female clothes filled her piles on the floor, neat little piles of her 36DD bras, skirts and dresses, and tight little tanks for under everything. Oh how she wished for boxers and the starchy men's dress shirts to be mixed into her piles. But alas, she could only fantasize as it had been ages since she had been with a man.

As she stared aimlessly at the piles, her mind began to wonder....
......
Bombshell emptied the full dryer, removing the contents - both her and her lovers clothes intertwined like the had been only hours ago. She reached in, removing his favorite t-shirt, worn thin by repeated use and held it up to her nose, taking in the smells - not only the smells of laundry detergent and fresh dryer sheets, but that faint smell of him that was deeply ingrained into the fabric of his t-shirt. Ahh, how she loved the way he smelled. She could be doing the most mundane task around the house, even at the office, and somewhere, somehow a whiff of his scent would come across her nose and she would instantly feel the electric between her legs. A buzzing and a need that could only be filled by him.


As her face was deeply buried in his favorite t-shirt, he came up behind her and surprised our Bombshell. Not only was he there, but he was also feeling the electric buzz. He came up behind her, pressing his long hard rod into her back. Ahh, how she loved that they were so in sync with their love making - he wanted her as much as she wanted him - and as often!

Without a word, her lover, lifted her flimsy summer dress that she wore doing simple housework and softly touched her pussy though the underwear. She let out a sigh and he felt the damp moistness already through her underwear. Quickly, with one hand, he pulled the underwear down and fully grabbed her entirely with one hand as to claim her womanhood as his own. She was dripping wet. He softly touched her, but she pushed against his hand urgently.


Bombshell grunted when he took his hand away, but for only seconds was she unguarded. Still with her back to him. His hard cock entered her hard and fast. One quick thrust entering her deep and sending shockwaves through her body. She gasped and pushed against him hard, driving him into her deeper. He continued to thrust, each thrust getting deeper and deeper until she felt he was impaling her with his amazing cock. Her knees gave out, but he caught her.


He spun her around, and lifted her on top of the dryer and thrust back into her. Sweet vibrations of the dryer seemed to come from everywhere. The little bit of heat and the vibrations drove her wild.

Please retweet, facebook share... I don't care!  I'd love to start writing stories for you AND your friends.

For my small booby friends!

You've heard me in the past talk in earnest about my big boobs - and often about others big boobs as well.  But hey, I'm an equal opportunity type girl and I had to give a shout out to my small boob sisters (and this is way overdue) 

Again, from the Frisky, here is a list of 10 reasons to LOVE small boobs.  My comments (and jealousies in italic)

1. They are cute. They just are. They look friendly and happy and sweet.
Heck yeah, those little round perky boobs are great!


2. You can wear something really low-cut. I don’t dare, because I am scared of things no one should be scared of and also freakishly modest. But in theory, you can. And you probably should, if you have small boobs. Just to do it.
Us big boob girls can barely wear a simple tank top or v-neck shirt without being indecent.  I would love to wear a cute very low cut shirt/dress/anything without feeling like I'm putting myself on display!

3. You don’t look “slutty,” necessarily. Sluttiness is a dumb concept. No one should be thought slutty at all, because it’s just dumb. And certainly no one should be thought slutty based on the basic shape of her body. But it happens. When my large-breasted friends walk down the street in a parka and plaid overalls and clumpy work boots, they get uninvited attention of a sexual nature, because of their breasts. I know, because all of my large-breasted friends wear that outfit, all the time. But to my point: I wear that same thing, and I get no attention at all. Which is nice. And then I wear a scandalously sexy, skin-tight outfit, and I also get no attention! I’m kidding. What I mean to say is, people say, “Oh, that looks nice! You’re so elegant.”
Yup, big boobs have a negative connotation - especially because of all those stripper types going crazy with the implants.  Big boobs often make you look like you are asking for it, and you are just trying to carry these huge ass bags without harming someone.

4. You can look elegant pretty easily. See above.
Fine line between elegant and sleezy.  Lots of cleavage = sleezy.

5. The nipples are showcased. And nipples are interesting. I don’t want to say much more about nipples, because it makes me feel awkward and inappropriate. But I think they’re pretty. OK, that’s it.
I knew someone else felt that way.  There are some serious wrong proportions going on when you have huge ass boobs and teeny nipples.  It just looks weird, so for those girls with small boobs they can pull off the nipples, and they actually look like they belong


6. You can sometimes go braless. I went through a phase, last summer, where I did this, and it was incredibly fun and exhilarating. I felt free. I felt daring. I felt like yelling, “Hello, New York City! I’m not wearing a bra!!” But I didn’t, and then I felt like it was this sexy secret that everyone was probably whispering about. They definitely weren’t, but I talked about how empowered I was with my friends, a lot, and that was nice. After wearing a bra for approximately half my life, it was shocking to realize that actually, it was sort of optional. And then I got stuck in this freezing cold restaurant at a party for like four hours, and carried on a lot of charming little conversations with my arms crossed over my chest. So I’m not ready to give up on bras completely. But I still stand by my right to occasionally go boldly without.
Ahh, braless!  That would be so nice.  But not gonna happen for us big boobs... You know that pencil test?  Yeah - I FAIL that sucker - probably I could keep a dozen of so up there. 

7. You can wear a strapless dress without it being a big deal. I will do this, after I stop being really scared of what will happen if I lift my arms up. Which I need to do all the time– as we all do. My wedding gown was strapless. But that was more because all wedding gowns are strapless, and I had no choice. Still, it was empowering. I know I can do it again, some day, if I keep my arms down.
I can't say I'm a huge fan of the strapless -- mostly because usually they really "show off" the boobs - again, you look like you have a big shelf.

8. You can do yoga without even noticing them. I like not having to think about my breasts when they’re not playing an important role in whatever’s going on. Like if I’m jogging (which I almost never am, but it’s happened once or twice). Or if I’m playing a sport (ping pong), or if I need to be upside down at any point.
Like any stretching or moving - these things get in the way! 

9. They don’t sag. I kinda don’t want to brag about the whole “they don’t sag!” thing, because it sounds more like an insult to big breasts and older women than a compliment to smaller ones and younger women. I’m also not sure I want to unquestioningly support firm perkiness. Last time I checked, breasts were made out of fat, and fat is squishy. And while I do have one friend with mysteriously perky natural boobs, and they are indeed spectacular, they are also the exception. And softness is really nice. Sagginess probably just means you’re older than 35, and some day I too hope to be older than 35. So instead of all that– how about #9 is “They feel good.” People don’t spend enough time talking about how nice small breasts feel. Sometimes I catch myself just feelin’ mine up. It’s sort of comforting. That is maybe the weirdest thing I’ve admitted to on the internet. They fit nicely in the hands. They are like little pillows of happiness.
Sagging.  You can be a young woman (under 30) and these big fun bags still sag.  It doesn't seem to matter how well you take care of them - good bras and sports bras working out - they still end up sagging.  God knows what mine are going to look like in another 30 years.

10. Not to be sappy, but they do the really important stuff. They feel good when they’re played with. They have the ability to provide milk for a baby, which is badass. They’re womanly and pretty. They’re often charming in profile. And even though all of those things are true for big boobs, too, small boobs do it with their own special style. They do it while being awesome for all of the other nine reasons. They might be in a strapless dress while doing it. You never know. Small boobs are full of surprises.
All boobs do great things! 

My favorite boy band member is.... gay?!?

I'm a child of the 80's, as such I grew up in the era of the big boy bands.  Think New Kids on the Block, Backstreet Boys, and 'NSync.  I have to say that I was much more of a fan of the New Kids and 'NSync.  And much like every other tween and teenage girl I had my favorite boy bander. 

At the onset of elementary school I was seriously into the New Kids.  Of course, so was every other little girl at our school.  In fact, my very first concert was Tiffani and the New Kids at the Ionia Free Fair (think 4-H or County Fair - not exactly a huge venue!).  And like many of the other girls we supported our favorite boy bander with buttons.  And these weren't just any buttons, they were the BIG buttons that were the size of dinner plates.  Girls wore these buttons as a badge of honor and I'm sure mothers everywhere HATED them because they had to just put massive holes in our shirts.

Most girls loved the young, cute, lead "singer" of the groups.  Think Justin Timberlake or Joey McIntyre.  Some of the more bad ass (as bad ass as you can be in elementary school and middle school)  girls liked the bad boys in the group (think Donnie or Joey Fatone).  But, I wasn't either of them.  me, I liked the quiet one, the guy that even in this very popular group seemed to be the underdog.  Me, I loved the Lance Bass and the Jonathan McKnight type.

Fast forward to adult-hood, both these and mine.  We began to hear more and more about these boy banders growing up.  First, Lance Bass comes out of the closet.  Great, good for him.  I'm extremely supportive of people accepting who they truly are.  Next, Jonathan McKnight comes out.  Good for him, I hope he finds the love of his life and is happy forever.

But, shit... what does that say about me?  I was really into TWO boy bands, and I'm two for two on picking the ONE gay boy to worship. And god forbid I go into my love of the one and only Ricky Martin.  again gay.

Apparently I not only like to go for the celebrity crushes that are unlikely to happen, I go for the ones that will NEVER happen because these boys don't even like my girlie parts.  

I think I need to start getting into hard rock or something, maybe rap... where I can fall in love with those who aren't gay.  Then again, you never know about those rockers - they do like makeup and skin tight pants... and don't even get me going on the how "down low" thing.

Maybe I should just stick to reality and stay away from my celebrity crushes, apparently my gaydar is just very off.

** And I will note, in NO WAY do I not support homosexuality, I'm just more alarmed at myself for always falling for the gay ones **

What did you just say??? Wierd Things said during sex

Ahh, sex.  It's such a wonderful thing.  There are some people who like the silent act of sex (great for those who have roommates or paper thin apartment walls), there are others who scream like banshees, and yet others who just blurt whatever comes to their mind.

Sex is not exactly a place where you often find people censoring themselves.  But according to Sara Barron on the frisky.com the following are the strangest things said to her during sex, can  you top it?  As always, her words followed by my own thoughts in Italic.

1. "Weeee!" I knew a man who said “Weee!” every time he ejaculated. Lest you need assistance in picturing exactly what this would have sounded like, imagine a toddler flying down a slide. Imagine his mommy waiting for him at the bottom, encouraging his fun with a loud and hearty “WEEEE!” That, my friend, is exactly what it sounded like. 

Humm, "Weeee!"  sounds like that man had some serious mommy issues and apparently reverted back to childhood with every orgasm.  Personally, I'm not sure I could take him seriously after such childlike glee. 




2. “Ay mate: why don’t I flip you over and rip you up the shitter?” So, I was dating, briefly, an Australian I’d met at a bar. He was winning and adorable in all the ways you’d want an Australian to be winning and adorable. However, this one night we went drinking, and he got drunker than I’d ever seen him, and then – once unclothed and back at my apartment – he asked the aforementioned question: “Ay mate: Why don’t I flip you over and rip you up the shitter?” Suffice it to say, his use of the verb “rip” did not help his cause. I told him “no” and it ended just days later.


First off, any man who talks like a pirate in bed (when you aren't roll playing ol' Jack Sparrow - yeah, I've never seen the movie, but I know Johnny Depp does it for a whole lot of girls)... Anyway, any man that talks like a pirate in bed probably should be shot.  And if ANY man ever uses the term "rip" when talking about sex, he's not going to go anywhere near my girlie (or "shitty" parts)!


3. “That was fucking. Now let’s make love.” I had an old friend I’d met freshman year of college, and years later, at the age of 26, we finally got around to sleeping together. At a certain point during the event, he was hammering away like a jack-rabbit, then suddenly and without warning, he took pause. He stopped. He looked deep into my eyes, took my face in his hands and said, “That was fucking. Now let’s make love,” and at that point, began a slow and dedicated motion to suggest he was trying to reenter the womb.

Lets be fair, there is a serious difference between "fucking" and making love.  Often fucking is just for fun's sake, while making love actually conveys some real emotion (yeah, probably what sex should actually be, but moving on...)  But to switch it up from fucking to making love during one session - that's just a way too big of jump to make. 


4. “Pas de bourrée, pas de bourrée, kiss.” I’d been set up on a date with a friend of a friend who worked as a regional musical theater actor. To break the ice, I’d spent the first half of our date trying to get him to do a dance move for me. “Please!” I’d said. “A high kick! Some jazz hands! Something!” He continuously declined. Until, that is, we got back to my place.  “Hey listen,” he’d said. “I think I’ve come up with what dance move I should do for you.”  And then he went, “Pas de bourrée, pas de bourrée, KISS,” while pas de bourrée-ing toward me. If you’re unfamiliar with the term (pronounced “PA-da bou-RAY”), it’s basically the French version of a triplet: Step back, step side, step front. This anecdote, I’ve filed away under the category of “Careful What You Wish For.”

Yeah, if a guy wants to "give" me a dance move.  I'm not taking it.  Go bark up another tree.

Hey guys, notice THIS!

I'm a girl (and not one of those who bitches about being called a woman either!) and I think askmen.com has some really awesome articles.  Today, Top 10 things she wants you to notice. 

So, guys... Word to the wise.  If you want to get laid or anything related to that, take note.  Notice these things, or at least some of them!  If you don't, she's going to get all huffy and it's just not in your best interest.

In reverse order according to askmen.com (but I have to say, I don't think it really matters what order they are in!)

Number TEN: Her Shoes.  You don't have to have a shoe fetish to notice her shoes (although, from one shoe lover ... from experience dating a guy with a shoe fetish is damn fun - it gives you a reason to buy really cute high heals and a reason to wear them!  I highly recommend it.  What I don't recommend are the weird ass guys who take the shoe fetish thing to extremes, he can like you IN your shoes, but if he likes the shoes more than he likes you - let him have the shoes and move on!).  OK, back to the shoes....  guys, a woman’s posture, gait and presence are noticeably changed when she wears high heels, you actually do notice it, even if you don't think you do.  High heels also apparently make make our legs look longer (excellent for short people like me!), highlight our asses and re-angle her torso to make our boobs stand out.  All excellent features.  And let me tell you, for the most part, we wear these shoes to look hot, and why do we look hot?  well, for nothing other than for the men we are trying (or have) to attract.  So take note, and maybe say something next time. 

Number NINE: That she's funny. I've reviewed a lot of online profiles in my day, and also talked to a lot of friends (and other people) about what they want in a significant other (whether it be male/female/other - you never know!) and not once have I heard, "I want someone who doesn't have a sense of humor." or "I don't want someone that is funny."  Got it?  Of course we all want someone that makes us laugh.  Laughing is often the only thing that makes the day worth it.  When you are stressed and feel like giving it all up, a good joke can make it all better.  So, if your girl makes you laugh, if she's funny - guys just tell her.  Askmen.com suggests that it could be as simple as saying, My friends thought you were a lot of fun,” or just laughing genuinely when she shows off her comedic timing.  All I say is just laugh with her, and definitely not at her.  But don't blow smoke up her ass if she's not funny... she'll just continue to tell the same stupid jokes, and that's not helping anyone!  The same is true for guys, not funny is not funny.  And encouraging not funny is just not good.

Number EIGHT: That she smells different. This one I shall refer to Askmen, as I'm not a real fragrance type of girl, although I know many girls and guys that are.  Askmen says that girls really do want you to notice our scent and if we change our signature scent.  According to them, we pay close attention to the way we smell, finding the perfect balance of perfume, lotion and other scented products. and when we change that signature scent we want you to notice.  Humm, I guess they are saying, because I don't pay attention - I stink, in more ways than one.  But then again, I do wear perfume on occasion - maybe I do want the man to notice my signature scent, then again - the rule about perfume or cologne is that you don't really want him/her to notice it really, but just rather sense that you are smelling good, right? 

Number SEVEN: That she cleaned up.  Oh yes, lets follow one that's not so great with one that is HUGE.  A guy comes to a girls place and he better say something.  Even if it's just about the general theme of your apartment, house, dwelling... he better compliment something!  Now, if this guy is a regular visitor to your humble home - he should notice if you've cleaned up, made some changes, etc.  Now, for me... a girl who isn't exactly the best housekeeper in the world, these words of encouragement are VERY helpful in motivating me to keep a clean home, and also note, the more visitors I have the more often I clean, or keep it clean. But without any visitors I let the place look like ... well... it's hard to explain.  Lets just say, I've had people say they've never seen anything like it.  So, compliment me (or any woman) on the clean house - it helps maintain cleanliness!  

Number SIX: That she's been working out.  Probably the number one fatal mistake a man can make around a woman is not notice that she's either lost weight or is looking more toned.  So guys, seriously - even if you are wrong, always compliment a girl on her workouts (even if you think she's just going to the gym to gossip or show off her fancy workout gear - yeah, I've seen those bitches in the gym, stupid sluts take up the machines for the rest of us!)... Anyway, if your girl is making an attempt at getting fit, or staying fit, whatever the case may be, notice it (that is if you still want that girl - if you don't, don't notice, she'll be finding someone else!).  Besides, compliments, whether true or not, will encourage her to keep going and her looking good (or even better!) is not going to hurt you any, that's for damn sure.

Number FIVE: That she got waxed  Ouch.  I'm not sure if any of the guys out there have had hundreds of hairs ripped out by the roots, and from a very sensitive area.  Ohh and not just for "fun" but just to please YOU.  But hey, think about it.  Dude, if your woman gets waxed, down there... and you don't notice - and praise the freaking ground she walks on for doing it FOR you... you deserve to be completely dipped in hot wax yourself.  And lets see how you like it having every square inch of hair pulled off your body.  And let me tell you, I don't know about other girls, but I'm not going to wax that shit for just anyone, and I can't say I every have or ever will...  (If I ever feel the need, I'll put out the money for laser hair removal, the cost is worth it!), but dude, if she's waxing, notice it.  If you don't, you are a complete and utter asshole and you dont' deserve her. 

Number FOUR: That she got all "dolled up."  You know, it can take some girls hours to get all dressed up, with the clothes, the shoes, the makeup, the hair.  It's quite a production - that guys don't seem to understand or care about, and that's totally fine.  They/you don't have to understand the process or why we do it.  But what they do have to understand is that when it's all done and we appear before then looking all cute and shit we want to hear that.  It doesn't have to be some long drawn out ... "you are so beautiful, blah, blah, blah" Although that's great to hear.  But hey guys, something short and simple, like, "Wow, babe, you look amazing!" Makes the hours in front of the mirror worth it.  Don't ignore or get mad about the time we were in the bathroom, we want to look cute/hot/spectacular - especially if we are going out with you.  We want to look good on your arms, and you should want us to look good too!

Number THREE: That she has prepared an "occasion."  This one was a new one to me, again I shall refer to Askmen.  The website says that it's important to acknowledge when your woman makes an effort to create a special atmosphere for the two of you - such as  making an elaborate dinner or placing candles around the bedroom, otherwise known as an "occasion."  And to do so in return.  I guess the easiest way to put this is, when she puts effort into doing special things for you don't take it for granted, and for god sake don't let HER do all the work... you are supposed to do it as well.  If your relationship is a nice 80/20 split and she's taking the brunt of the 80%, she's going to go find some other dude that is going to provide a much higher percentage.  I like to think that both parties in a relationship should be putting in 60%, that way there is a good 20% leftover spillage to fill in the cracks when someone falls a little behind. 

Number TWO: That she has a new hairstyle  Ah, girls and their hair.  We love our hair - short, long, curly, wavy, straight.  But what we don't love is when you guys don't notice when we change it.  And I have to admit it, us girls, we notice very subtle changes and think it's HUGE.  Girls change their hair from auburn to copper and expect you to notice (hell, I don't even notice!).  It's not easy.  Just try, error on the side of, "Your hair looks great." and she might have changed it by just doing it differently or getting a whole new style at the salon - you are golden.  But dude, if you know she was going to the salon for a big cut, color and style.... MAKE SURE to compliment her on the results when you see her next. 

and .... Number ONE: That she's wearing new lingerie.  Yeah, I get it.  When you are getting down to business you just want to rip our clothes off.  But we often take time to pick out special bras and underwear sets just to turn you on.  So damn it, take a second, or even a millisecond to appreciate it.  Then rip it off and have your way with us. 

Men in Hats.

I must say, there is something about a man in a hat.  Ohh, and I'm not saying just ANY hat, and not EVERY man in a hat.  Because I have to say, I'm not really one of those girls that goes for boys wearing those silly hipster types hats.  But I'm talking about a boy in a gold old fashioned baseball cap (or even a stocking cap, beanie, or whatever the fuck we are calling it today!). 

There is just something hot, about most men wearing a baseball cap.  I don't know what it is, and I can't explain it - but it's just there.  And, I'm not one to really care about what guys are hiding under their baseball cap.  Honestly, I don't care if a man is bald, or balding.  (In fact, I put up my post, Bald is Beautiful as evidence that I find bald guys pretty damn hot.) 

But if a guy has a worn out, well worn, or favorite baseball cap that he puts on and is just comfortable in - it just makes me pussy wiggle (yeah, I have no idea where that term came from - but it just popped into my head just now and I had to use it!). 

Now... there is a problem with this guy in a hat "fetish" shall we call it.  Some guys look awesome with a hat on, take it off and uh ohh.  Yeah, not good.  I have to kick myself for prejudging them with that hat...  I shall provide a piece of evidence... Mr. Tiger Woods - pre hooker/trashy waitress/thousand girl scandal.  Tiger in his hat, pretty hot.  Take the hat off and ugh - not so hot.  There are quite a few others that follow the same pattern.  I don't know what it is - but those hats, it's like they provide a miracle - and let me tell you, the man cannot wear a hat for the rest of his life! 

So there, you have it.  I have a thing for guys in hats.  I'm sure there are others too.  But just like everything else - use it in excess and we might have a problem.  I'm not gonna want to have sex with you with your baseball cap on, nor am I going to want you to wear it to a 5 star dinner.  But like everything, time and place. time and place.

More Strange CL Ads: Fart Fetish?

I love looking through the CL ads - you just never know what you will find.  Every once in awhile I will look through the M4W personal ads - hell, I'm a single woman, and I've said it time and time again, if you can find a guy in a bar you might be able to find a guy online.  If you can find a guy on an online dating website, you might be able to find them on CL (granted, your chances are a whole lot less!).  Now  - mostly, I just look at the ads to find something to laugh at.  Ohh, and I found one today.  Please read the following...

Do you enjoy a good fart now and then? - 29 (Nova)
Date: 2010-11-21, 1:00PM EST

Now that I've got your attention :)


Allow me to explain. For whatever reason since I was a little boy I have found it fascinating and mildly erotic when attractive women fart. Weird as hell I know.


BUT if you have a problem (IBS, lactose intolerant, vegan!) etc then I'm your guy. Maybe you know a friend with this problem, please forward her my may :) I don't care about this otherwise embarrassing and very taboo aspect of your life.


I know this has a 1 in 1000 chance but you never know until you try. This is just someone secondary obviously I am "normal" in every other way, have my own house, job, college degree etc.

Please email me if curious and put GAS in your subject line :) ALL emails without GAS will be deleted.

Location: Nova

it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

Yes, I believe I'm reading that correct - this man would like to date a woman with a gas "problem."  Umm, yes.  I understand a lot of fetishes - I even think some of them are pretty hot.  Shoe fetishes, etc.  But farts - really??  That's a little out there (don't get me wrong, it's not REALLY out there - but it's a little strange!) 

I like that this guy gives us a little indication of what kind of gas problem he is looking for - IBS, lactose intolerant, a vegan - thank you for giving us an indication of what type of problem you are looking for!  That's very helpful, even though a bit crazy. 

Now, girls... if you have this fetish... or feel if you can provide this service to this man - excellent!  Please email him.  I'd love to know more details.