Ensuring a second date.. by keeping these 14 facts quiet.

Personally, I'm a full disclosure kind of girl.  I like to lay all my cards on the table - good and bad, let the guy sift through it and decide if he wants to take the whole deck.  Now, I've been informed on many occasions this is not the best philosophy (now, have I listened?  Of course not - I can be a stubborn asshole!).  So what should we hold back on first dates, you know - leave some mystery to keep him/her coming back for more - or hell maybe we should just not let it all out there. 

1.  "Financially, I'm doing great/awful."
Umm, ok.  Now - call me a total bitch (and I probably am), but I want to know if you can pay your bills.  Beyond that, it's not really my concern - on the first date especially!  But, I'm in no place to support someone, and I don't want to get involved with some guy who needs me to support his ass.  Granted, I would never want a guy to feel the same about me (and I can support myself and pay my bills thank you very much!).  I don't need your 401K and W2 statements, but I just want a validation that you are able to pay your bills.  That's it.  Granted, living in DC there is so much of a focus on money - so it's a bit of a concern here. 


 
2. "My last relationship was a disaster."
As much as I hate having THAT talk, eventually if you get into a relationship you do have to have that talk about past relationships - how they went, how many there were, if they scarred you for life.  You know all that BS that got you where you are today - but that kind of talk will defiantly ruin a first date!  A first date is a short amount of time and the last thing you want to waste time on is rehashing your past - focus on the present (learning about the person you are with) and the future possibilities with that person (or lets be honest and say most dates are failures - at least mine... and half the time you are plotting ways to end it...) 
 

3. "I did want to tell you a dark secret..."
Like I just said, many first dates are failures (and often dismal failures that become those bad date stories that we all laugh about...)  And if you are sharing deep dark secrets that you don't want anyone to know on these dates, lets just call you -- STUPID.  Sharing secrets in a relationship might make you closer, but sharing secrets with a perfect stranger means that you have no expectation of privacy.   
 
4.  "I'm in recovery."
Didn't I just speak of this the other day - it's so nice when articles actually agree with each other (and so rare these days - especially with all these fluff pieces about relationships - not that I'm any better).  But alcohol is great, drinking alochol in excess is not.  And if you have a problem and you are getting help - that's awesome.  But you don't have to tell your date right away.  It's sensitive information (and one that could chase them away in seconds flat!)  Let them get to know the real you because you reveal any of these issues - especially the ones you are working on - usually people can accept an issue if you are getting help (and it they can't accept it after knowing you - then they are obviously a self centered asswad that doesn't need your time!)
 

5. "Life just isn't working out for me right now."
We all have our ups and downs in life.  Sometimes things just go better than other times.  But no one wants a negative nelly.  It just pulls us down.  So, what if your life is in the shitter and it seems like everywhere you turn something is going wrong?  Well, first off - at least one thing is going right for you - you got a date... and that's a big plus that a lot of people can't even seem to get...  Try to look on the positive side and fake it if you have to. 
 

6. "My family is crazy!"
Everyone's family is blessed with a coo-coo crazy member (or two or the whole damn family).  While I have to admit you have to keep your family drama silent for the first date - the family talk of where, who and such often comes up during the first date.  And that's cool, if you want to talk about your crazy family, maybe a funny antidote or two.  But keep the dramatics tucked away - if I knew half the crap about some of my friend's family drama and I went to date them I'd run for the hills. 

7. Liar, Liar
The worst part about lying on the first date?  Having to live up to those lies on future dates!  If your goal is to have a one night stand and to never see this person again - by all means make up all the shit you want.  You can be a foreign diplomat.  But if there is any possibility of a future you are going to want to tell the truth, otherwise you are going to have to do a lot of explaining.

8. "Will you marry me?"
I cannot tell you how many times I've heard that story of "love at first sight..."  You know, all that crap about a couple falling in love on the first date.  Now, I'm not sure if I believe that's true, but I would like to hope that it is.  But I cannot think of a faster way to chase someone away than telling them that you are in love with them and want them to be your intended.  Keep that crap to yourself - even if you are feeling totally smitten. 

9. "I think we're going to be great friends."
Apparently, uttering this phrase will put you in the friends zone forever... Really?  I would have never thought of that!  And here my goal is to find a partner in life that will not only be my boyfriend (eventually husband) but also my best friend.  Who else would would you want as your best friend other than your partner?  It only seems obvious to me...  So saying this phrase should be a compliment - but I'm obviously wrong - and that wouldn't be the first time!

10. "I'm still in love with my ex."
If you single handily want to ruin a date or end it very early... just mention an ex -- and say that you are still in love with him/her.  It's the biggest warning light and stop sign there is out there.  If you stick it out on a date where a person tells you that they are in love with their ex -- and you bitch about it later it's no one's fault but your own. 

11. "Do you mind if I use a coupon for dinner?"
Hey, I'm frugal.  I understand coupons.  I don't see a problem with using coupons for a dinner out.  Now, a lot of people - especially women would have a problem with that.  So I would suggest leaving the coupons at home for the first date.  If the first date goes well and you keep going out, you might be needing to saving a lot of money for future dates! So coupons might be very necessary.

12. "Do you want to come back to my place?"
Yeah, we've heard about this before... sex on the first date is not recommended.  And I would have to say, usually that's the case.  More often than not - even if there is awesome sexual chemistry if you give it up too soon, the guy tends to not go for it again (and lets be honest - it's usually guys.)  But sometimes... first date sex can lead to something more - it's not always bad - but you have to hedge your bets, and first date sex, its not a good one.

13. "I hate my job."
Again, back to the positives!  Don't complain about your job.  We all have gripes about our jobs - they can be a pain in the ass.  But jobs are a necessary evil in the society we live - we got bills to pay and money to earn.


14. "I'm obsessed with Botox."
Do you really want to sound like a statistic - the answer is no... We all have things we want to change about ourselves... but we also don't like to obsess about them... And over all guys don't care about little stuff like crows feet and such - and Botox really don't matter that much. 

Rules of Sexting...

One of the posts on this blog that gets the most hits is my list of sexting acronyms.  But I've also written two other "sexting" blogs - one about the obsession with sexting and the other about sexting just isn't for kids anymore.    But what I haven't talked about is the do's and don'ts of sexting...   Because I'm obviously not the smartest person in the world.  I've ruined a perfectly good hookup with bad sexting (god knows I haven't had a relationship in a long time - maybe even before sexting was even thought of  -- ok, I'm not THAT old.)  I'm good at the sexting in the very short term, but I lose patience with it - I'm not good at the abbreviations - I like to spell everything out.  And for someone who dabbles in writing erotica - I really don't like to describe what we are going to do... Hell, why don't we just DO it already.  Lets not talk it to death.  But lets learn together.  What are the rules of sexting.  And seriously - why are there rules to everything!  And I'm a little shocked I'm turning to FOX NEWS to learn about sexting, but here goes.  I'm open to all learning sources...

The DO's

1.  A day-long tease can lead to a night-long in-person session.
OK, good call.  Teasing all day can be a fun build up to that nights passion.  But lets not text CONSTANTLY all day and dissect what we are going to do tonight move by move.  I swear to god, I've been with guys that want you to tell them exactly what you are going to do.  Well, maybe I don't want to.  Maybe I just want it to be a surprise, maybe I just want to feel your touch.  So, tease by saying that you love touching me, not that you want to touch my left arm 5" up from my elbow.   

2. The embarrassment factor is removed because you don’t have to see the person while you’re typing your naughty thoughts.
OK, Yes... you don't have to see them when revealing your immediate naughty thoughts, but the whole point is that you will eventually see them right?  The worst part about sexting would be NOT seeing that person and not getting the release from all the build up.  Sure sexting can help you come out of your sexual shell - but when it comes down to it and naked bodies are in the room you gotta step it up.

4. If you are still in the flirting stage, it can help you to ease your way to the next step.
Well, yes... Sexting, with naughty pictures or without is for sure going to mke any man or woman want to jump you.  So becareful of what you wish for.  Flirting lighty and carelessly to full on sexting is a big jump and can lead to that big jump into bed.  So be careful what you wish for.  And be ready for it,

5. It keeps you on your toes, thinking of new things to say and new ways to respond.
Maybe for girls. I think we are expected to be the initiator and provide all the graphic detail for sexting.  Guys can just respond with an in-kind, "uh huh" "hot" or "oh baby".  Do they have to provide some great creativity in their sexting?  Never.  Usually it's something like, Oh baby you make me so hard, I'm gonna cum.  Or some combination there of.  So guys, get more creative. 

The DON'Ts

1. Delete. Delete. Delete. When you’re done playing, delete your conversation. It may be fun to look back at your naughty repartee later, but it won’t be any fun at all to explain to your kids. Never use your work phone.
Umm yeah, As fun as it is to go back afterwards and relieve the hotness (and in a much quicker succession!) that was your sexting session.  Maybe do it just once afterwards and then push the ol' delete button.  There are just too many dangers of getting caught  - by another lover, a husband, child, family member (the list can go on and on).  And getting caught is not fun.  This coming from a girl who got caught (months later) by a new man.  How do you explain words and pictures on  your phone, even if they are monthls old?  Say it with me, delete is your best friend, use it often and use it well. 

2. Ask before you text. Don’t surprise someone with a sext until you are sure he or she is into it. That is one mistake that you simply cannot undo. And when the game is over, it’s over. So, don’t push it.
Humm.  Talk about a foot in mouth moment.  And when you actually like someone that is something you really want to avoid.  Hence, make sure the other person involved is into the dirty texting before you start.  Tread lighly until you know he/she is in, then by all means -- knock yourself out! 

3. Take it slowly. Sexting can quickly go from fun to creepy if you keep it up for too long or escalate too quickly. So, pace yourself and follow your partner’s lead. You’ll know what feels right and what doesn’t.
Just as in "regular sex" You don't jump right from walking into the door to pentration.  Same as sexting - you don't start from hello to full on frontal pictures.  You have to work your way up to that.  If you don't you risk the danger of scaring the person away - unless they are some crazy kind of nudist, and if they are and you are too - then  you've made your match in heaven. 

4. Remember that sexting is an 18 and over activity.
They have to say this because it's an actual "newspaper article"

5. Send pictures at your own risk. It may seem like a good idea at the time, but once a photo is out there, you can’t get it back. It’s better to tell your partner to use his or imagination. 
My suggestion, keep pictures out of it...  unless you really want to.  But it you want to, be prepared to share yours back.  Now, I much prefer the pictures where your face is hidden either out of the frame or through a hat.  You don't want everyone to know you are out "whoring around." 



Responding to Personal Ads... and actually getting responses.

Every once in awhile I get in a mood.  You know - one of those moods where I think that dating might be a good idea.  So I start responding to personal ads.  And in doing that, I go to my "favorite" free sites.  The last couple of days my sites of choice have been the old Craig's List and OKCupid.  So, in the last couple of days - or week or so I think I have responded to a good 10 ads/posts (or whatever you want to call it).  And so far, I have a response rate of 0%.  Obviously, I'm doing something WAY wrong.  Now, if you remember, I went through a very similar phase - shall we call it - back in September and wrote a post about it - Responses to Online Personal Ads and Postings - Zero for Seven this week . 

Now, I can't be the only person who is having trouble getting responses from their responses.  So I searched online and found a guide...  So for your (and my) information, according to ehow.com... 

How to respond to a personal ad

1. Write a personal response.

Don't send a form response to each ad to respond to.  (Duh!)  When I post an ad myself, I can spot these responses a mile away, they are so impersonal and obviously copied and pasted for each response.  Make a special mention of something he/she wrote in their ad (check, I always make a quirky little comment about something their wrote - granted, this is often all I write - and maybe that is my problem...)
2.  Avoid using lists to describe yourself.
Really?  I like lists.  ehow.com says lists are boring and a conversational type of sentence is much more catching.  Do's: "I like all kinds of outdoor activities. I do a lot of running and swimming to stay in shape." and "I like all kinds of outdoor activities. I do a lot of running and swimming to stay in shape. "... Don'ts ""My interests include running, hiking, swimming, dancing, hang out with friends, seeing live music, MT bike riding, people watching, cooking and photography."  I have to say lists are easier (and quicker!) and seem to get your point across much quicker.  But maybe that's not getting you the man (or woman) so more thought needs to be put into it. 

3. Don't expect your pictures to do all the talking
Pictures mean a whole hell of a lot.  Especially in an era of immediate satisfaction - everyone judges each other based on each others looks.  So automatically we think that we had to include pictures with our responses.  eHow.com says that you shouldn't let your picture do all the work - and let your personality shine through.  Now, another strike for me.  I may not be the most perfect girl on the block (but then again who is!!) and often I will send my witty response and my picture and just hope for the best.  So I guess it's not a total loss here. 

4. Don't LOL
I'm not a girl who really LOL's - in fact I hate the term.  I think it's kind of a retarded term.  Although, I do have a problem with using too many emoticons, or smiley faces. 

5. Describe your personality, not your appearance.
But, But, But.  All the guys just want to know about what you look like.  Granted those are probably the guys who don't really want to get to know you - you know like really know you.  They just want to get to know you Biblically if you get my drift.  ehow.com says if you send a good picture you don't necessarily have to describe the typical height, weight and hair color (I beg to differ because guys still want to know - and sometimes still don't trust your pictures!).  They suggest you use your response to describe your personality - but what should you really describe?
6.  Be choosy about who you respond to. They are.
I have to say, I'm pretty damn choosy about who I respond to!  Being in a rather large metro area I have hundreds - if not thousands - of men I can respond to on a daily basis (and for the rest of my life!)... But I'm pretty picky on who and when I respond.  I read their ad and respond in kind to what they've said - all recommendations from ehow.com
7. Don't send poetry.
No. No. NO!  Don't send poetry, or song lyrics or anything!  Just use your own words.  Please! 

8.  Don't talk about your "junk."
And if I seriously get one more picture of a man's penis I might freak out.  Guys, just don't.  Junk pictures aren't attractive and is NOT going to make me want to go out with you, in fact it's just going to make me delete you immediately. 
9.  TURN OFF YOUR CAPS LOCK
I know Caps lock means that you are telling at a person, but I also find it really hard to read.  If I get a response in all caps lock I delete it immediately - it looks childish. 
10.  Include a good picture.
As much as they said before - pictures are worth a thousand words.  Make sure it's a good one.  And not of something stupid - like your car, your niece, your dog (even if I love dogs - at least make sure YOU are in it). 

Who gets laid the most - by name!

So a couple of weeks ago I had a post about those names that make you run away.  Today, I ran across the following graphic of those names who get laid the most and least... 

Now, on the girls side, it's not much of a surprise.  Sorry for the generalizations - but most of the "most sexually active" names are those who remind me of the cheerleaders - you know Vanessa, Angela, Jessica!  Whereas the less sexually active girls are the ones that sound pretty much like the mousy girls in the corner - Mary, Faith, Dorothy...

Maybe many of us should take note, and either change our names or revise our given names...  depending on what you want (or need!)

Medicine gone wrong!

Apparently, there is an STD test out there - in use since the 1980's!! that has been giving false positives to up to 18% of those tested.  Seriously - what the fuck!?!?

The Centers for Disease Control said last week that a study of five US Labs shows that about 18% of those who tested positive for syphilis were actually negative.  Dr. Karen Hoover, CDC epidemiologist says that the test does have one positive trait, "It doesn't miss people who are infected."  Well, no shit lady, that's because it tells nearly 1 in 5 people they ARE infected.  And let me tell you, if some doctor tells you that you have syphilis I can imagine it's not exactly a time of glee and merriment. 

So, hey people - protect yourselves.  But if some doctor tells you you got the syphilis - tell him you want a recount, ASAP.

Dating while Drunk... or not.

Two things seem to go together as well as peanut butter and jelly - alochol and social situations.  And what's the most social of social situations? Dating of course!  So how do dating and alochol mix - depends on what your end goal is! 

Now, I've said before, I have some real issues with eharmony.com - but even I have to admit they do provide some good articles and some good advice (although with any advice you have to take it with a grain of salt - or as with me a bit of obnoxious attitude!)

First, lets examine the rules of alcohol and dating.

1.  Get Familiar with your Alcohol Tolerance.
This should be obvious, but there are a lot of people (especially those of the girl variety!) that don't know how many drinks they can consume without being fall down drunk, tipsy, or just fine.  And hey girls, this might be obvious and really shouldn't be an "ah ha" moment - but girls, the guy is typically bigger than you and matching him drink for drink is going to leave you drunker than him.  So, girls... if you don't drink that much - don't on dates!  Now, believe it or not... I'm not a big drinker - I MIGHT have a drink every 2 months or so.  Granted, when I drink I really drink, which is a cause for alarm.  And basically I'm my own don't!  But I will tell you I would never drink like that on a date! 

2. Consider the entire evening.

Living in the moment is great - if you have no other moments coming up.  Because I have to tell you, that hangover is going to be a bitch!  Think about the date, and don't go overboard!  A happy hour date and drinks.  Dinner and wine.  After dinner drinks.  All of that adds up and can lead to a very drunk girl - and as we all know - drunk dates and messy drunk girls are bad.  Basically if you have multiple drinking opportunities and drink at everyone of these opportunities you are going to end up one very sick girl or boy. 
3. If you've experienced addiction in your past…

If you are anything like me you have a strange addiction to the new round of shows like "My Strange Addiction" or "Intervention" or "Addicted" or the millions of others that center on all of the weird - and not so weird addicitons people have.  And while a lot of people want to hide all that shit, some want to just get it out in the open.  But, it's better to keep those type of declarations of "issues" for later revelations in the relationship (but don't wait too long - keeping that kind of secret will eat you up and provide for an ugliness you don't want to keep from a potential long term partner).  To solve the stickiness for the first date situation and not drinking - a simple, "No drinking for me tonight" is more than sufficient.

4. How are you getting the car home?

Very few things are worse in the world than Drinking and Driving!  Now in the DC metro area (where I live) we are very lucky to have a robust public transportation system that employs both rail and bus and has many cabs available if you have one (or many) too many.  But this isn't the case everywhere.  Never ever ever drive drunk, and if your dates insist on driving you home while intoxicated refuse.  And would you really want to be with such a man (or woman!) who shows such bad judgement?  The answer is probably not!

Anna Nicole had the right idea!

So the older I get, the more I think about how the whole idea of marrying for love just might be a bit outdated.  How about the idea of marrying to get ahead?  (and guys - don't read that wrong - not marrying for HEAD, but to get ahead, you know to further yourself in life...) ok, now that we have that straight, lets move on. 

I'm thinking if you can't find that love thing - then why not work for finding something that is going to help you in the long run - and if you take emotions out of the picture, the only thing that really remains is posessions - things - you know the shit you really want! Which makes me thing - Sugar Daddy.  And because I'm not a girl to look for things that are half-assed.  I don't want a sugar daddy that just can take me out to nice dinners and give me flowers once in awhile (that's great for those medicore bitches out there), but I want it all.  You know diamonds dripping off my fingers, and all that. 

So ... what I'm saying - Anna Nicole Smith was probly the smartest dumbass in the world.  As stupid as we all think she was (lets be serious - it was probably all the alochol and drugs she consumed just to fuck that old penis!), she had the right idea.  Marry the old rich man with one foot in the grave, and make him change his will to inherit his millions!  She was no stupid broad.  Unfortunately for her - those stupid kids of his didn't get the same idea.  So the lesson to be learned from her is to find a rich man with NO kids from past relationships - it might be a bit harder, but not completely out of the question.  Or, just charm the kids as well - a man that rich has a lot of wealth to spread around. 

Now, the bitch of all of this - as good as it sounds, and as much as I would love to go out trolling the nursing homes in the DC metro area.  I don't think I could even MAKE myself want to have sex with a man who has that many age spots and a wrinkly penis (well that is before I match him wrinkle to wrinkle - sex between two old people is beautiful - if they match!).  Bitchass, guess I'll have to go back to the idea of finding love - damn these morals and values. 

Mistakes guys make on Valentine's Day - Did yours make it yesterday?

So yesterday was Valentine's Day.  Hope it went well for all of you, but for the rest of you - sorry  about that.  And let me tell you, bad Valentine's Days aren't just reserved for the lonely single folk.  Some of those coupled up peeps don't have the best Valentine's Day either. 

And while we all want equality for woman and men - lets face it, the ol' V-Day isn't one of those days we think about the equality of men and women.  It's like suddenly that whole ideal disappears and men must again become the providers, the dominant, you know all that bs.  (not that I buy into that, I think you both should be showing your affection and your love - but everyday and random presents and such things are much better than a specific day in Feb - but that's neither here nor there). 

But, all that being said. . . . Valentine's Day is how it is, and yesterday there were women everywhere having HUGE expectations of the man in their lives.  And I'm sure hundreds, if not thousands or millions of men failed to live up these expectations.  So, what type of mistakes did they make?  According to yahoo and Shine.com there are Six Common Mistakes that men make..

Mistake #1. Getting words of wisdom from your local drug store. 

Cards are great - ones that come from Walmart, Walgreens or some fancy card store.  But if some guy just gives you a store bought card signed with just his name then he's made a big mistake.  What's the message here - the message is that there is no message.  Anyone can steal others words, but using your own means everything!  Relationship psychologist Dr. Terri Orbuch also suggests a personal note trumps even chocolate. "Which says 'I love you' more: a box of candy or a handwritten note telling your partner you'd still choose him/her if you had to do it all over again?" asks Orbuch. "Show your partner why he/she matters so much to you."

Mistake #2.  Letting a bear do your bidding.
Stuffed animals are great... for little kids and dogs.  A poll by ShopRunner - a woman's shopping site - member's claimed that teddy bears are the worst gift they have received on V-Day.  And boys, the standard flowers and chocolates are better, but not much.  Generic gifts aren't great ideas  - just like generic cards.  Girls dont' want to feel generic - they want to feel special.  But special doesn't have to be expensive - expensive can scare women, especially in a new relationship.  Find a simple gift that shows you have been listening to her - a DVD she's been talking about, or a book that she's mentioned, or something she really needs. 

Mistake #3. Declaring Valentine's Day a ploy for consumers.


I was given this article by a friend based on this mistake alone.  And I think there is a fair number of us (men and women) who make this "mistake" and don't even think of it as a mistake.  Valentine's Day isn't going anywhere, and it's not just about the "Hallmark Holiday", and in fact as the previous mistakes have shown - the typical "Valentine's Day" aspects of the day are the most mistakey (for lack of a better word) parts of the day.  The day is really about giving us - men AND women - a reminder to appreciate the special people in our lives.  And it doesn't just have to be around those that we are fucking, it can be about those we love, platontically and romantically.  "In the larger picture, cultural rituals like Valentine’s Day structure opportunities to do good things that we could do any day, but usually do not,” writes social scientist Bill Doherty in Psychology Today. “The year I took my wife to Subway on February 14 was the low point. Eventually I realized that the cost of minimizing Valentine’s Day—the disappointment and the missed opportunity to connect—is greater than the benefits of maintaining my freedom to be spontaneously romantic on my own timetable.”


Mistake #4. Sharing the Day with your Blackberry

As a Blackberry addict, I can tell you I always have my phone by my side.  And little texts/emails of affection from my special person are awesome as every day reminders of their love.  (According to Shine/Yahoo One in five guys will text their loving message on Valentine’s Day and one in ten will take to email).  But on Valentine's Day - as we've learned - you need to up your game.  Now, if these messages were a build up to a later in the day bigger "thing" that's great.  But as an only V-Day activity, yikes.  If you are unlucky and you can't see her on that special day - take the special effort to send a handwritten note (it means a whole lot!) or something a bit more special. 

Mistake #5: Expecting her to make the plans

Like I've mentioned before, life isn't fair - and neither are the expectations for V-Day.  Men need to make the plans - and really should plan ahead (64% do not make the plans in advance, and 64% of men shouldn't expect happy women!)  The plans don't have to be elaborate (for every woman - some bitches are pretty high maintenance - and if you found yourself one of those wonderful women - lucky you!)  The plan can be something as "easy" as a dinner in or to your favorite casual place, but make sure guys that you know what you are doing ahead of time!

Mistake #6: Underdressing

Boys, you might not like it - but the ol' V-Day is about romance, and there is nothing romantic about a ripped up T-shirt and an old pair of jeans.  I'll give you a little hint, fashion means a lot to women, and what she wears and what you wear means a lot to her.  Dressing up a little shows that you want the evening to be a little different than the norm. 

VD

AS just a reminder on the "VD." Get tested peeps! it may be Valentine's Day - but lets shorten this mother fucker to VD for all us bitter folk. And that's Venereal disease baby. And I don't know about you - but that's something you want to avoid like the plague (literally!)

So peeps (male and female), as much as I am proponent of having sex, getting head and basically having fun - be safe. (I know buzz kill - right?!?)

Because that crap you can catch down under is nasty, and I will refrain from posting pictures because no one needs to see that, but basically know if you got something that burns, bleeds or blisters - you got a real problem and you should have been thinking before dicking.

Tiger does something disgusting!

Yes, we all know about Tiger Wood's (hooker) history.  He's got a penchant for girls - the dirtier the better.  And don't forget the sex fueled by ambien and whatever other drugs.  And God knows what else that didn't come out in the headlines. 

And here comes today's headline on the Yahoo front page -

Tiger Woods fined for 'disgusting' act

Here I think... awesome!  I'm going to read some kind of juicy shit. Something to get away from all this lovey dovey crap on Valentine's Day.  But no...  Apparently our lovely Tiger Woods, athlete extraordinaire SPIT  ... Yes, he spat, and just normal spit fluids - not spermies or anything really "disgusting" on the 12th green at the Omega Dubai Desert Classic this weekend.  Now, the gold world is literally in a tizzy. 

Now, lets back up a bit.  This same man that literally did the nasty (and I'm talking REALLY nasty) with god knows how many woman is back on the golf course playing golf and that's a-ok, but he spat on the grass and that's putting people in an uproar?  Umm...

I'm no prude (as you obviously know), but Tiger was a mother fucking nutbag.  He was not only a serial cheater, he was a serial monogamous cheater with some freaky ass habits and the golf world forgives him just because he's a good golfer - but as soon as he breaks some weird ass etiquette rule on the golf course that's not ok?  Yeah, I don't get it. 

Valentine's day cards for the less romantic

I love the website Regretsy - where a blogger links to things on etsy that probably shouldn't be there.  You know, the stuff that people "make" that you just cannot believe they are selling.  One of my favorite posts recently was a person (I can only assume a woman) advertising a "Vegan Vulva Cake"

Just what it sounds like. I first bake a vegan cake, then carve the cake into a vulva shape, frost and finally cover with fondant and sculpt to look like a vulva.



Because I cannot guarantee that a cake will be in good condition if shipped I will deliver the cake to customers within the Baltimore/DC metropolitan area. However if you are out of the area and willing to pay the cost of door-to-door courier, that is also an option.

Please specify chocolate or yellow cake and color of fondant "skin."  

I will let you visit the link itself to see the actual cake, although the picture might not be safe for work! 

But on to the real reason for the post - the Valentine's Day for the less romantic.  So, Regretsy posted the card to the left.  For just $3.00 you can have this lovely card printed and sent to you for a perfect Valentine's Day card.  I really hope you get your "hole" in time for that V-Day fuck.  But somehow if you hand over this card I don't think your chances are very good. 

Single Women Prefer Superbowl to having Sex...

For all of you suffering with Superbowl hangovers - of the food and alcohol variety - I hope you enjoyed your evening.  I have to admit that I'm not a huge fan of the Superbowl and sports on tv in general (I know, I'm very girlie in that way).  In years past I have watched in to participate in conversations the next day, but not last night.  I'm choosing to be highly anti-social instead.  But that doesn't stop be from reporting a bit of surprising news...

73% of single women would prefer to watch the Superbowl than have sex 



Yes, you read that correctly.  Online dating website Zoosk.com surveyed 1,000 singles about their thoughts on the Superbowl and found that 73% of single women would rather watch the game than have sex, where only 50% of the men would rather watch than have sex.   

So, I hope everyone enjoyed the game last night... And tonight has some great sex to make up for it!

Manly Skills that impress women... Hey dudes... LISTEN UP!

Again, Askmen.com impresses me again (if you haven't checked out the site - man OR woman - please do so! It has great advice and awesome articles).  This time, it's 10 skills that impress women.  You know the shit that makes girl go "ohh" and "ahh" and makes us want to drop our panties.  So guys, read carefully and take notes - this might come in handy... 

No.10 Speaking other languages - Askmen.com Difficulty to acquire rating: 8/10
Personally, I'm really really sucky at languages.  I took 3 years of spanish in high school and another year in college, and now I'm lucky if I can say hola and adios.  So if a guy is a master at a language or even multiple languages then I'm highly impressed.  Besides, bonus points if he can translate when someone around me is speaking another language and I don't understand (I hate that!!) 
Askmen.com recommended resources: Rosetta Stone; ielanguages.com as a reference for Indo-European languages. (and defiantly not me... I'm hopeless - give me data and numbers I'm good, languages are not my thing!)

No.9 Playing an instrument - Askmen.com Difficulty to acquire rating: 7/10
I have one example for you... John Mayer.  If that douchebag can get that much pussy you know very much that playing an instrument sure does impress the ladies.  (Don't get me wrong, I love me some John Mayer music - but I wouldn't come within 100 feet of that penis, I'm sure it has a baker's dozen of STD's!). 
Askmen.com recommended resources: YouTube is full of musicians recording video tutorials just for the hell of it; these vary in quality, but they're a great way to get started.

No.8 Fixing a car -  Askmen.com Difficulty to acquire rating: 6/10
Guys... let me let you in on a little secret, if we can't (or don't want to) do it and you can... we love you for it.  And generally cars aren't a woman's world (and yes, I'm generalizing here!)  Personally, as long as when I get in my car and turn the key my car moves I'm happy.  I dont' want to mess with any repairs or anything
Askmen.com recommended resources: CarBibles.com for maintenance guides, the student textbook How Cars Work for an illustrated overall guide.

No.7 Dancing- Askmen.com Difficulty to acquire rating: 4/10
While I'm not a good dancer, I could go to a club or such and not be horribly embarrassed, and if a guy can do the same it's definitely a good thing.  But there is definitely something impressive about a man who can move on the dancefloor.  Something about being confident with dance movements translates very well to movements in the bedroom.  If a guy can handle the rhythms on the dance floor, he certainly will know how to "rock your world" in other ways... at least that is the hope.  Besides, a man that can dance in the middle of the club sure has some supreme confidence and confidence is very very sexy. 
Askmen.com recommended resources: There isn't much to learn, exactly, since dancing is more about confidence than anything else, but faking it is always an option. If you still don't feel comfortable, don't be too proud to sign up for a class.

No.6 Cooking - Askmen.com Difficulty to acquire rating: 3/10

Women everywhere like when a man can cook something other than boiling water and opening a beer.  It just shows that they are just a wee bit domestic.  Maybe it appeals to our conservative nature that many of us immediately imagine the future with the man in question (no matter the situation - don't fight it, admit it girls we do it!)... and seeing and knowing the man can cook just sends chills straight down that spine to the pussy because you can imagine you living in blissfully harmony and sharing the household chores - oh yeah! 
Askmen.com recommended resources: Epicurious.com or for a more comprehensive look at cooking in its entirety, try the book On Food and Cooking by Harold McGee.


No.5 Athletics - Askmen.com Difficulty to acquire rating: 6/10

Just look around you, what type of men have all the women around them?  Humm, the men who are jocks, athletes and such.  Granted, not every girl loves a jock - but these days even nerds have secret jock sides (look at all the book nerds who run!).  Men who participate in sports - especially those that provide for much showing off (no guys - golf does count, but dodgeball and even kickball do!) provide for some great impressing of women.  If you live in a large city such as DC, join a league - bonus if it's co-ed - the girls are already there for you to impress!
Askmen.com recommended resources:It's more about motivation and effort than learning a skill; organize a league with friends, find existing leagues on Meetup.com or just look for a gym.

No.4 Handyman skills - Askmen.com Difficulty to acquire rating: 4/10

Now I might be super biased here, but this might be just the hottest thing ever...  Granted, I'm a woman with a single family home and no family within a couple hundred miles to help me with home repair.  I'm pretty handy myself, but there is only so much a short girl can do by herself.  A guy who is good with his hands is a real bonus in my book.  Besides, like the dancer guy - a guy who is handy with tools has a real possibility in the bedroom.  And while I like my men professional they can't be too "soft" they have to know how to fix stuff as well - blame my blue collar background... and I wouldn't trade it for anything.  And I'm sure there are lots of other girls out there the same way, boys are supposed to be able to fix things - stereotypes be damned. 
Askmen.com recommended resources:How to Fix Damn Near Everything is a comprehensive manual on the subject, while FixItClub.com is a reliable online resource

No.3 Bedroom skills - Askmen.com Difficulty to acquire rating: 6/10
Do we really even need to discuss this? 
Askmen.com recommenced resources: Not to toot our own horn, but AskMen's online sex advice columns, as well as our book From the Bar to the Bedroom, are solid resources on this topic.

No.2 Style and grooming - Askmen.com Difficulty to acquirer rating: 2/10
With this no one is saying that every man has to look like a metrosexual that just stepped out of the pages of GQ, in fact that kind of look looks pretty silly on most guys - only a very special few can pull it off!  What impresses women is a man having his own personal style and being comfortable with it.  You know, not always looking like he just rolled out of bed and threw on whatever what on the floor, but actually taking care of his appearance.  It's not all that difficult. 
Askmen.com recommended resources: The Style Bible gives you all the tools you'll need to get started.

No.1 Conversation - Askmen.com Difficulty to acquire rating: 6/10

It might sound simple... but having a conversation can be the most difficult thing to do with dating... I have to admit that I am not the best at it.  I never know what to say.  Especially to the dreaded, "What do you like to do? question..." I hate that ... I never know what to say...  it's a skill to have a conversation, especially with someone you don't know very well (i.e. on a first date).  Those who master that skill should be handsomely rewarded. 
Askmen.com reccomended resources: Leil Lowndes' How to Talk to Anyone or one of AskMen's numerous guides on the subject.

Egg-cellant new product for men!

OK, I just ran across this in my blog research and I must share...  The tenga egg.

Just watch the video.  It's a "masturbation" assist sex tool, and pretty neat, or at least in my humble opinion - granted I'm not jerking my own penis. 

And note, they aren't all that expensive - compared to some of the vibrations and such that woman have to buy!  You can buy a variety "six pack" of tenga eggs at Amazon for about $35 (http://www.amazon.com/Tenga-EGGVP001-Egg-Variety-Pack/dp/B002DE6SWA)  And that includes free shipping!  And they are even washable and reusable.  Guaranteed for hours of enjoyment!

Man Seeks Protection from Sex Crazed Wife

Now, I don't know about you.. but most men I know love sex, and if they had a woman who was what someone described as "sex crazed" they would literally jump for joy.  The complaints I hear are about how women don't want sex, not that they want too much!

So imagine my surprise when I read about a Turkish man in Germany who has sought police protection from his wife of 18 years.  The man has apparently been dodging his wife sexual urges for the last four years by sleeping on the couch, but to no avail! 

He has decided to get a divorce and move out in hopes of finally getting some rest away from his wives's sexual appetite. "At the moment this is impossible because he says his wife keeps coming into the living room demanding that he perform his marital duties. He asked for police help in getting some sleep at night," police added.


Now, I'd like to find another man in this world that would find this to be a real problem...