OK, since tomorrow is New Year's Eve and I have a feeling many of you will be drinking until you fall over and totally miss the change from 2011 to 2012. But, at least you can be educated about alcohol! All those wise tails you've heard over the years, turns out they are false, and probably just some asshole trying to either justify his/her drinking or trying to scare people away from drinking. So... read on and learn ... As usual, the Washingtonian's real research/study/article is first in normal type and my opinions (for what that means) follow in italic.
1) “I’m taking it easy tonight—I’ll just have a few beers and be fine.” FALSE.
According to the
National Institute of Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism, standard drinks—a 12-ounce beer, a 5-ounce glass of wine, and 1½ ounces of distilled spirits—all contain 1/6 ounce of alcohol. “People may be fooled into thinking they are drinking less alcohol than they really are, but the truth is all these drinks contain the same amount,” says Hanson. And they all read the same on a breathalyzer.
Ya'll should know this one already. No matter what you drink, spirits (strange word that I'm not a fan of), beer or wine you can still get toasted. Now, how many people actually believe or get one 12-oz beer, 5-oz glass of wine or 1.5 oz of liquor per serving? And dude, a 20 oz beer is NOT one serving. It may be one beer, but it's not one serving. Same does for a Long Island Ice Tea.
2) “Beer before liquor, never been sicker.” FALSE.
“There a bunch of these sayings, and all of them are absolutely untrue,” says Hanson. “It’s not what you drink, it’s how much you drink.” Since all standard drinks (Long Island Iced Teas excluded) contain the same amount of alcohol, there’s really no difference between a shot of tequila and a glass of Chardonnay.
Really? This one I thought was totally true! I don't know a person who doesn't at least know this "rule" if not abide by it. So there you go... Start the night off with liquor (when you can taste the more expensive stuff), have your champagne at midnight, and then switch to the cheap beer when you can't taste it any more. Now, if you are drinking all that you deserve to spend New Year's Day over the toilet... but don't blame the mix of alcohols!
3) I’ve had one drink per hour, so I can drive. MAYBE.
“The body typically metabolizes the alcohol in a standard drink at a rate of one drink per hour,” says Hanson. “If you’ve consumed only one drink per hour, you’d likely remain below the 0.08 legal limit.” Caution: That means you must wait one hour between each drink—having five cocktails at 7 PM doesn’t mean you can drive home by midnight. And since each body reacts differently to alcohol, we say play it safe and call a cab.
If you are drinking one drink per hour, you are sipping that mother fucker, and it's going to be piss warm by the time it's done. Oh, wait. That's just one drink per hour - it doesn't have to be consumed IN the hour. Duh :) Just don't be stupid, take a ride or a cab and don't risk the other people on the road please.
4) If I only drink clear beverages, I won’t get a hangover. TRUE (mostly).
Martini drinkers, rejoice! “A hangover is more likely to occur with darker beverages,” says Hanson. This is likely due to the toxic byproducts known as congeners that occur when aging spirits in casks or fermenting grains. In a 2009 Brown University
study, bourbon was found to contain 37 times as many congeners as vodka. “That’s only part of it, though; clear beverages still need to be consumed in moderation to avoid that hangover,” cautions Hanson.
Hot damn, a true one! Dark Drinks = Dark Days the next day. Turns out Loni Love is right when she says that dark liquor is the cause of world problems (Don't know Loni Love - look her up, she's hilarious!) Now, I think I'm good with my choice of vodka or rum - yeah. Oh and my serious downfall, martinis....
5) “I can’t drink Champagne—it just goes to my head! I’ll stick with wine.” TRUE.
Effervescent beverages are absorbed more quickly into the bloodstream, says Hanson. “If one person drinks white wine and one drinks Champagne, the Champagne drinker’s blood alcohol concentration will go up a little faster.” And according to a 2007
study by the University of Manchester, the effect is the same with distilled spirits mixed with carbonated beverages. Your best bet? Avoid the bubbly and choose a still mixer—or sip that vodka neat.
You aren't going to get me to skip my champagne! I like the bubbles. Of course, mixing champagne with a shot of amaretto might be by favorite. So I'm doubly screwed, the bubbles from the champagne getting me fucked up faster and then the dark liquor causing hangovers. Humm, screw it... I'll take the gamble.
6) It’s okay to mix alcohol with caffeine (i.e., Red Bull and vodka). PROBABLY NOT A GOOD IDEA.
“The problem with a drink like Red Bull is that it masks the perception of intoxication,” says Hanson. “Alcohol is a depressant, caffeine is a stimulant—they counteract each other.” As a result, Hanson says that mixing the two encourages over consumption. “These drinks are definitely undesirable when combined,” he says.
But it's so .... good!! Say it ain't so.
7) Drinking a glass of water between drinks will keep me from getting drunk. MAYBE.
“It’s definitely a good practice—alcohol is a diuretic, and alternating drinks with water can help stave off dehydration,” says Hanson. But will it keep you from getting intoxicated? “Again, it really just comes down to how much you are drinking. It can help you pace yourself and drink more moderately.”
Who cares about water reducing intoxication, it's just good for you! If you obsessively drink whatever liquid is around (like I do), a water is a good substitute between drinks. Especially if you are so drunk the water still tastes like alochol!
8) I picked up a powder at the drugstore that totally cures hangovers. FALSE.
Drugstore remedies
can treat your morning-after symptoms (nausea, headache, vomiting). A new, FDA-approved tablet called Blowfish contains aspirin, caffeine, and an antacid, but no hangover-eliminating miracle drug. The only foolproof cure? "Avoiding hangovers in the first place,” says Hanson.
What?? There isn't a magic pill? That's BS.
9) Having a full stomach will help slow down the alcohol absorption. TRUE.
“The best practice is to munch on snacks continuously while you are drinking,” says Hanson. “This keeps the alcohol from entering the intestines, which is where the absorption really speeds up.” Think of it as an excuse to loiter around the guacamole (as if you really needed one).
Continuous snacking, great for decreasing drunks, but lousy for the diet. And if you are going to over consume the drinks, you might want to watch your food intake, because that shit comes right back up. Guacamole, smooth and should come up just fine. Those chips, on the other hand, could have sharp edges, and ouch!
10) He just needs to take a cold shower or slam a cup of coffee and he’ll sober right up. FALSE.
Unfortunately, none of the get-sober-quick methods truly work—not even Taco Bell. According to the
Office of Alcohol and Drug Education at Notre Dame, only time will lower the body’s blood alcohol concentration. A person with a BAC of 0.20 who slams a cup of coffee will just be a wide-awake intoxicated person.
Taco Bell might not get you sober, but it's damn good.
