Saturday, September 25, 2010

How to get a girl drunk... easily and quickly - advice for men.

Again, fun title... and not my own words.  Let me tell you, I LOVE the internet!  It really cracks my shit up and I cannot get over what you can find out there.  There is a website out there called Datingish.com.  Apparently it's a site where you can post your own blog postings and mix it with many other peoples.  Well, this dude named Brooklynbro posted an article this week with the title, "5 Ways to Sneakily Get Your Girl Wasted"  Of course, people are up in arms about the post - freaked out that some guy actually posted just a directional guide.  Lets review. 

Tip #1: Don’t Let Her Eat 
Mr. Brooklynguy first points out that any girl that would go out with him (or a guy reading his post) is a jerk and any girl going out with him isn't too bright - this is an obvious disclaimer of sorts, and should be noted by even the most critical of critics.  I obviously picture one of the very put together and classy girls of the Jersey Shore going out with this guy.  He advises that you should tell your date that you'll have food for her at your place, put only give her some "Tostitos and a few scoops of hummus."  He points out that we all know that you should eat while drinking and any dumb ass girl should know that as well (reference my earlier comment about the Jersey shore bitches!)

Tip #2: Put Your Vodka in the Freezer

He says buy the cheap Vodka, you know the shit that comes in big ass plastic bottle and cheap (don't ask me how much is in the bottle or how much it costs - I've told you before I'm not really a big drinker and I don't buy that shit!)  Now. Mr. Brooklynguy suggests (as even I know - a mere drinking rookie) to put the vodka in the freezer because it goes down easier, but he gives the advice that the cheap shit that he buys for "company" goes down easier and quicker and you can make those stronger drinks that get her drunker faster - his idea of a gold star. 

Tip #3: Use Grapefruit Juice as a Mixer

This one was a new one for me.  But Mr. Brooklynguy tells me that there is a chemical in it that strongly  masks alcohol odors.  He tells us that's why a Greyhound (or a vodka and grapefruit juice) is an alocholic's drink of choice.  Which is a good think to know.  I will now know if I hear of someone ordering this drink I might do a little bit of running away and fast.  But as far as getting a woman drunk, hey go for it.  And maybe if someone wants to get drunk fast (that is a goal sometimes) grapefruit juice might work - again if you liked it.  It's not really my taste either - granted neither is alochol (god, I'm really boring, aren't I!)  But back to the men... it's good if she can't taste the booze, make it strong, and she'll be feeling loose in no time.  But, as any "good" man would know (and in good I mean a man working to get his woman drunk) - he can't get the girl sloppy drunk, but at a level just enough that she'll give it up, but won't be passed out - you can get jailed for that...

Tip #4: Ply Her with Bubbly
Ahh, Champagne and Prosecco (my weakness, I love me some bubbles!) Mr. Brooklynguy also loves him some bubbles.  He points out that these bubbles and the alochol go straight to the woman's head - which is a double bonus for him and the men he's "advising."  He also points out that there is a negative effect... she gets sleepy and tired fast... so you have to do your duty and act fast.  But he's half drunk too - so... it's not not going to be quality anyway.  But he's a man - lets me serious, he's not really worried about getting her off - he just wants to get his rocks off and that doesn't take that long!

Tip #5: Make Her do a Handstand
Well, a couple of months ago, Mr. Brooklynguy was playing Truth or Dare with some friends, including a particularly attractive young lady and she had been bragging about her amateur gymnastics career from her younger days... on her turn she took a dare, and was dared to do a handstand for 30 seconds.  Fast forward 30 seconds and she was highly intoxicated until 3:30 in the morning.... Not my story, and I have no real life experience to counter this story.  Although, I personally would advise against playing truth or dare in mixed company while drinking - especially with a man who would write such a list.... but I'm also no Jersey Shore type of bitch...

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