Ways to Enhance your Fertility - does it work in reverse?

So today I came across a nice (maybe a little bit hippy) article on yahoo titled, 8 Natural Ways to Enhance Your Fertility.  Yeah, these ideas are great for someone who is married and wants to have a baby right away.  But how about the rest of us, who aren't really ready to have a baby right now and are more into preventing pregnancy - does it work in reverse (and before all you people out here go thinking I'm a baby hater - stop - I want babies, but I don't want babies right now.  The last thing I want is to be a single mother by choice - that's just silly and very ill advised).

So... I wonder... do these "natural" ways of enhancing my fertility work in reverse?  If I follow these rules in reverse will I stay unpregnant - lets explore....

1. Practice, Practice, Practice.  Apparently according to the article "weekly" sexual intimacy (their language, not mine - I'd be much more descriptive, regulates the woman's cycle and delays the decline of estrogen, enhancing fertility and also helps increased bone density, healthier cardiovascular system, lower "bad" cholesterol, higher "good" cholesterol and a milder menopause (if you are worried about that at this time) - they have studies and experts that will all verify these facts, and if you are at all interested in that - knock your self out at looking at the article. 
BUT, listen... bad news for us who want to prevent pregnancy.  More sex = higher risk of pregnancy.  But if you didn't know that already, then you are a freaking dumbass.  As far as the other "benefits" those aren't bad benefits for the woman's body - not just for baby making and rearing, but for just woman's health - so by all means - sex it up. 

2. Weigh In.  Again the article says being "fatter" than having a body-mass-index (BMI) greater than 25 greatly decreases your changes of getting pregnant.  So, hey... aim for getting fat :)  Or fatter.  Chubby chic works great - curvy is awesome.  So, hey girl... if you don't want to get pregnant... aim for that BMI greater than 25 - screw being healthy - prevent that pregnancy by being pleasantly plump!

3. Butt out.  If you want to get pregnant - don't smoke.  Apparently it can trigger early menopause and disrupt ovulation.  Hey, sounds great if you don't want to get pregnant!  So light up!  Keep smoking - stay without child.  Works for me (maybe I should take up smoking!)

4.  Hit the hay (and sadly we aren't talking about having crazy sex with some Midwestern cowboy in the barn in the hay!!).  Apparently the best way to get pregnant is to get at least 7-8 hours of sleep every night in order to maintain a "normal" level of leptin a hormone which affects both hunger and weight regulation.  Otherwise, stay up late - have your run in the hay with that cowboy, go to bed late and wake up early for those early morning (boring meetings), and stay awake in the afternoon with those caffeine shots!

5.  Clean house  Did you know about Polybrominated diphenyl ethers (PBDEs) - they are flame retardants in some tech toys, plastics and fabrics, and women with high levels of PBDE in their blood took twice as long to conceive.  So clean house to keep these at bay.  Easy solution to stay "unpregnant."  Keep a dirty house!


6. Ace your exams  Yeah, don't get STD's and practice safe sex to in order to make pregnancy easier to achieve later on.  Humm, that one is easy.  Free sex and love.  Don't worry about that condom - but use that birth control.  You should be golden!

7. Don’t rule out ice cream:  Apparently some fancy study from some fancy school says that full-fat dairy foods like cheese, ice cream and whole milk will help you get pregnant.  Humm.  So when you are bulking up to avoid pregnancy - avoid the milk products.  Bitchass, some of these are my favorites.  Just make sure to smoke while you are eating them, maybe that will counteract the effects.  Or drink wine with your cheese, i know alochol is bad for baby rearing - that probably will work!

8. B smart: Take your vitamins if you want to be with child, duh.  We all knew that.  The B-vitamins are supposedly especially good.   If you don't want that pregnancy weight and little babies kicking around in your tummy... don't take them.  Go for vitamin deficiency. 

Most of this list just seems to be general health type of things, and of course you can't neglect your general health just to not get pregnant.  Of course - with this list I wonder how the hell there is so much teen pregnancy!!!  Damn, it's like a list of what teens are!