Monday, May 6, 2013

How much do you like those nuggets?


I love me some McDonald's chicken Mcnuggets.  Yes, they are amazing.  Give me an order of nuggets and some sweet and sour sauce and I'll be a happy camper.  I might even do anything for those nuggets.  Sounds like I have something in common with Khadijah Baseer.

Ms. Khadijah who lives in Los Angeles was just arrested just trying to get her beloved McNuggets.  Did she try to steal them?  Nope, She stood outside the drive-through and offered blow job's for an order of McNuggets.  I really hope she was offering the BJ for the 20 pack and not just the measly 4 nugget Happy Meal portion.  Although that does bring a whole new definition to "Happy Meal"

Did she get her nuggets before getting arrested?  Nope... Poor woman!  All she got was a misdemeanor solicitation charge.


Wednesday, May 1, 2013

Instructional videos for kink.

I'm a huge fan of BuzzFeed. Like huge fan.  I can go on the website and literally get sucked in for hours.  And don't even get me started on how many damn links from there I share on my facebook page - my friends must get annoyed... but it's SO good.  That would be my dream job - to search the internet for random shit to post... oh wait, I do that here - and you people don't even pay me for it!

Anyway, I happen to click on a link with the title, "9 Ways To Tell Them What You Really Want"  It's all and good, but nothing earth shattering.  Until I came across #4 Don't Be Ashamed about How you Feel.  The topic isn't all that great, but the website they shared was....

Did you know that there is a website out there called Kink Academy.  Apparently Kink Academy is website with "More than 1093 videos, over 100 educators, available 24/7."  

I was thinking that I was going to come across some kind of weird sex video website.  But no, Kink Academy is like sex education for adults.  There are all kinds of instructional videos for all the following:

Kink: BDSM, Dominance & submission, Rope Bondage, Mind Fucks, Impact Play, Play Piercing, Erotic Embarrassment, Forced Orgasm, Chastity, Electricity Play, Caning, Sado-Masochism, Corset Training, Spanking, Strap-On Sex, Violet Wand

Relationships: Polyamory, Swinging, Communication, Gender Awareness, 24/7 BDSM Relationships, Fantasy Exploration, Play Party Etiquette, Understanding Boundaries, Sex & Disability, Building Confidence
Sensuality:
Massage & Sensual Touch, Kissing, Strap-On Play, Energetic Sex, Sensation Play, Body Language, Group Sex, G-Spot Play, Masturbation, Flirting, Body Worship, Genital Massage, Anal Sex

Health & Wellness: Anatomy for BDSM, Safer Sex Practices, Aging & Intimacy, Sexual Addiction & Compulsivity, Legal Concerns for Various Lifestyles, Risk Awareness

So.... if you are interested in any of the kinky stuff - why not look up some videos and learn the "right" way. 

Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Bad date stories; this email account does not exist

So. This has happened to me more times than I care to admit. You spend a couple of days emailing back and forth with a guy and think, "wow. This guy is great. I hope it works out". Only to find one day when you shoot him an email and get the automated response that your email has been returned because that email account does not exist. No matter how many times it happens it still stings. Was it me? No. I'm sure it was most likely him. He was probably just cheating with a fake email or something similar

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Cock shots, penis pics ....

So. I'm a fan of online dating whether it is Craig's list, okcupid or plenty of fish. I'm not a fan of the websites you have to pay for because somehow that seems desperate. But on those websites and especially from CL guys tend to love sending you pictures of their junk. And usually as one of the very first emails. Is this kosher? I'm starting to think I need to start another blog with just penis pics I get via inline personals. And of course those that were not asked for. What do you think??

Cock shots, penis pics ....

So. I'm a fan of online dating whether it is Craig's list, okcupid or plenty of fish. I'm not a fan of the websites you have to pay for because somehow that seems desperate. But on those websites and especially from CL guys tend to love sending you pictures of their junk. And usually as one of the very first emails. Is this kosher? I'm starting to think I need to start another blog with just penis pics I get via inline personals. And of course those that were not asked for. What do you think??

Monday, March 25, 2013

CL Missed Connection of the Day

So I check the missed connections on Craigs List every day.  Some day maybe I will be one... and believe it or not, once I posted a Missed Connection and connected with a guy for a date.  Granted, that date turned out very badly and will likely soon be posted in the bad date series ... but you just never know!

But today I saw a post that seriously made me laugh out loud.  Christina, if you are out there... the guy has a great body, you might want to respond :)




Friday, March 15, 2013

Bad date story... Wait, did we have sex last night?

So, I'm not a big drinker and I often go to bed early (for most people) on the weekends to catch up sleep.  But I'm also the kind of girl that tells ANY of my friends/lovers to call me if they get stuck and need a ride.  And somehow this translates into "She's open for booty calls any time of the day or night!"

So, I've been known to be awoken from a deep sleep with the ringing or buzzing of my phone with a telephone call coming in or a text message (note, I'd much rather have the text message!).  So, on this day the buzzzz of the phone goes off and I get the ubitiquious message "Are you up?"  Well, no of course I wasn't up before you called, but since the buzz went off, I'm up now. 

And then he (and you had to guess it was a he) basically tells me he's coming over.  So here I am... half (or more) asleep and trying to prepare for a visitor.  Now, this certain visitor and I had only been on a small handful of dates (like 2 previous), so I was still in the "trying to impress" mode.  I got up, cleaned myself up and laid back down.  A text later shows that he hasn't even left downtown DC yet (which is a good 30 minutes).  I told him to get on the metro and I will pick him up at the closest stop (about 5 minutes away), but he argued and said he was going to take a cab.  All that is fine and good - but my house is in a weird little section of town that borders on ghetto and no one can find it - even google maps and GPSs get it wrong! 

I laid back down, struggling to stay awake and periodically checked my phone for updates.  All I kept seeing was "Ohh, I'm 20 minutes away".  Ten minutes later, "Ohh, I'm 20 minutes away".  Ten minutes later "Ohh, I'm 20 minutes away".  Ten minutes later, "Shit, I'm in xxx City, that's not close to your house, is it?"  He was now even further away than he was when he was downtown!  I texted him SPECIFIC directions to get to my house to give to the taxi driver, he should be there in about 20 minutes (for real this time).  30 minutes later I get a phone call.  He's struggling to form words and is lost about 10 minutes away.  This time I get ON the phone with the taxi driver, who is at this point really pissed off (as am I) and direct him to my house.

Well, he gets out and tells me that the god forsaken taxi driver was a dumb ass (I had talked to him, clearly the dumbass was in the back seat of this particular taxi) and that he got into a fight with the taxi driver and just threw a hundred at him and walked away.  Seeing his condition, I'm pretty positive that it was not a hundred and I'd be surprised if he gave him anything more than a dollar bill. 

But I cooled down. let him in my house and tried to get "in the mood."  He, of course, seemed to not be as drunk as I originally thought and was very sweet.  In fact, sex that night was quite good.

I woke up the next morning, his stinky alcohol laden breath on my nose.  And I woke his ass up.  He looks at me, gets this shocked look in his eye, and then it registers... oh yeah, I did get here last night.  Then he looked over, and calmly asked me, "Wait, did we have sex last night?"  At that point, I flipped out and within seconds I had all my clothes (and shoes!) on and was ready to drive his ass back to the metro so he could get himself home.  He sheepishly looked at me and said, "What? we aren't going to have sex now?" 

The answer, no.  And I never saw him again.  Sex with me must be memorable, thank you very much.

Friday, March 8, 2013

Bad Date Stories... Wanna feel my gun?

I had just graduated high school and was 19 years old.  He was new in town and 24. 

And like Paul Harvey, "Here is the rest of the story..."  (And yes, if you don't know who Paul Harvey is... that scares me a little)

I was just about to graduate high school and back in those days there was no My Space, no facebook and we barely had email.  So imagine my surprise when I randomly got an email from a much older (hey, 5 years is a huge age span when you are in high school!) man.  I had met said man because he was a referee for my high school athletic games.  Ohh, and said man was also one of the newest public safety officers in my small town. 

So back to that email.  I was floored.  But being me and being curious I responded.  And the drama began. 

Imagine a small town where everyone knows your business.  And as a senior in high school my name or photo was in the paper nearly every day so I was pretty well known (I'm not bragging here, this girl was the classic overachiever).  And him, as one of the few public safety officers, was also well known.  All the girl's parents from the soccer team knew who he was and obviously who I was. 

One of our first dates went well enough, until we went back to his house.  In those days I was much more of a prude than I am today (hey, I was a really good girl in high school!) and going to his apartment (his OWN apartment) was a big deal.  In hindsight, I should have totally not been impressed by his college hand me downs, but hey, I was young and impressionable. 

And him, being who he was, goes back to his room - and pulls out his gun.  I might be from the midwest but I'm no hunter and I had never been so close to a gun.  And honestly it scared me (guns still scare me a little!).  All he kept saying was, "Wanna feel my gun?"  "Wanna touch it?"  Ohh, and he was not talking about his arm "guns" or even the small appendage between his legs - he was talking about his actual weapon.  Needless to say, I touched the gun with all of one finger. 

In hindsight, I really wonder what the hell this guy saw in a girl who had just graduated high school!  When I graduated college the last thing in the world I would have wanted was to date a guy right out of high school - there is a huge age span there.  When discussing songs from dances, etc the ones I noted from my high school days were the ones he danced to in middle school. 

I guess, good for him.  But I never did feel his gun, we are talking the appendage now.  

Thursday, March 7, 2013

Bad Date Stories.... Jackbutt

So... I didn't date much in college - at all.  Partly because I was one of those intense kids who thought she was in college to actually learn something (silly!) and partly because the damn small Christian college I went to had some crazy ratio of 5 girls to every 1 guy or something stupid like that.  I also didn't really fit in any specific group: I wasn't greek, I wasn't one of the crazy Jesus freaks (there was a not so small group of kids who were always barefoot - even in the MIDDLE of a midwestern winter because "Jesus didn't wear shoes"), and I wasn't one of the million other types of sub groups.

But, my senior year came and I went on a couple of dates.  But one really sticks out to be.  To be therefore known as the "Jackbutt" date.

So, I met a guy online, I think it was yahoo or something, but that was 10 years ago so I don't exactly remember.  As well, I'd like to share his name, but I don't even remember! 

So I met said date at the local movie theater in the mall.  Now, I'm not a fashionista and since we were going to a movie I dressed casually, but not too casually.  But imagine my surprise when the guy walked up to be looking like he just rolled out of bed.  His hair was disheveled and he had an old ratty sweatshirt on.  OK, I wasn't thrilled with his appearance - but I figured I would suck it up and continue on with the date.

But then it got bad.  We went back into the movie theater and walked to our movie.  But we bypassed the theater showing the classic - Jackass.  He looks up and then looks at me very seriously and asked me if I had seen the movie, "Jackbutt."  What? Yes, he couldn't say Jackass (but strangely had SEEN the movie).  I should have ended the date right there.  But I didn't.  And honestly it didn't get any better. 

Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Bad Date Stories... Do you have a friend?

So... I've decided to do a series of my bad date stories, because I have a million of them!  Now, I know I once said that I would never use personal stories, but I promise I will sanitize the stories so the not so innocent are protected. 

Today's story happened just yesterday and I posted a short post on facebook and people told me to "start a blog"  little did they know I already have this crazy thing. 

So... here is the "Do you have a friend?" bad date.  It's not technically a date, but just go with it.

I was on an unnamed online dating site last night and that tell tale beep sounded showing me that I had a message... This is the exchange that occurred over the evening: 

Him: hi! Wanna make out?
Me: just randomly makeout?
Him: haha ya!
Me: well, as flattering as that is. I'm not really into casual kissing.
Him: haha ya!
Me: But good luck! You are a very good looking man who should get whatever he wants :)
Him: hahah, well thank you!!! do you have any friends who might be looking?

You'll notice I was very nice, but seriously...  Do you have any friends?

Wednesday, February 27, 2013

What's your pubic personality?

All this talk these days about grooming.  And don't pretend you don't know what I'm talking about.... Seems that one of the first question that guys ask me these days is "How is your hair down there?"  I'm not sure this is an appropriate early conversation question, but that doesn't mean it doesn't get asked.   And damn, some people (men and women included) have some serious public preferences.  Little did I know that what your pubic preference says something about your personality.  Well, at least to the frisky.com...

So what is your pubic personality?

FULL BUSH: You’re strong in your convictions leading people to either love or hate you. You use words like “sensual” and don’t own a flatiron. You think rainy days are really romantic and sing Joni Mitchell in the shower. It should go without saying that you identify as a feminist, but still like to be wined and dined from time to time. You definitely have spent at least 10 minutes looking at your own vagina in a hand mirror. You always order your steaks bloody.

LANDING STRIP: You’re always incredibly well put together and can seemingly pull off any trend you deign to try. You haven’t had to pay for yourself on a date since, well, ever. You’re meticulous in your approach to most everything you try, but that’s because you only attempt things you know you’ll be successful at. You spend the vast majority of your shopping funds at Sephora and every man you’ve ever dated has been shocked to discover that you have a filthy mouth. You only wear thong underwear and are always having a great time.

TRIANGLE: You’re not interested in following trends and are generally set in your ways about what you like and what you don’t. Gwyneth Paltrow is your muse for everything in life. You read all the books on the best seller list and never go anywhere without the latest New Yorker and a bottle of coconut water. You throw a killer dinner party and have the amazing ability to charm the locals in every foreign country you visit. You can be a pretentious jerk but give the best birthday gifts so no one can muster up the nerve to dislike you.

AWKWARDLY SHAVED TUFT: You make “To Do” lists but never accomplish all the tasks on them because you’re easily distracted by more enticing options. Your home and life appears neat and orderly, but there are plenty of hidden messes — but who cares, if no one is the wiser? You can be kind of hasty, so when you decide you want something done, you do it yourself — trimming your bangs, cutting a pair of jeans into shorts, reorganizing your apartment — with mixed results. Luckily, you’re always pretty relaxed and chill, so even when things go wrong, it rolls off your back. Every weekend you wake up and consider getting a tattoo.

SPECIAL SHAPE (LIGHTENING BOLT, HEART, ETC.): You’re desperate for attention and will go to great lengths to get it. You have at one time or another done all of the following: gone skinny-dipping, dyed your hair a crazy color, cursed out your mom, dated an older man, shoplifted, danced on top of a bar, made out with a girl to turn on a guy, and cried to get out of a speeding ticket. But it’s not all bad: your friends love you because you’re always game to talk smack about ex boyfriends, let them tag along when you skip past the velvet ropes at the hottest clubs, and loan them anything they want from your extensive closet. And no one — no one! — aces the “Sex and the City” category at Trivia Night like you do.

BALD: You don’t do anything half way. Some would consider you OCD, but you prefer to think yourself as a perfectionist. You like everything neat and orderly regardless of the occasion, just incase, which is why your bed is always made, your dishwasher is always empty, and your vagina is always hairless. The last one is interesting, because you clean your air conditioner’s filter more often than you engage in any hanky-panky. You haven’t ever in your life run out of toilet paper.

VAJAZZLED: You are a huge Jennifer Love Hewitt fan and live your life by the WWJLHD code.You’re one of those women who believes in blinging everything — your shoes, your cellphone, your vagina — and take the “Real Housewives” franchise very seriously. The only sushi you’ll eat is a California roll. You still wear Uggs and Juicy sweatsuits on your days off and your dog most definitely fits in your purse. You have never not had a boyfriend but you’ve cheated on them all

Girl Scout Cookies are like crack.

It's that time of year again.  When the girl scouts are out peddling their cookies.  I'm on a serious diet and last weekend when I was out running my normal weekend errands the damn girl scouts were in front of EVERY store trying to get you fat.  They are like crazy crack pushers! 

One of my friends posted on facebook this morning this --> Young girls trying to lure strangers with candy. Sweet irony.  It was hilarious!

So... how about some little know girl scout cookies...

1. The first Girl Scout cookies were sold in Muskogee, Oklahoma, in 1917, when troops baked cookies and sold them in high schools as a service project. These pioneers had no idea what they had just unleashed on the United States.

2. The ingredients for a Girl Scout cookie were very simple in 1922: Butter, sugar, eggs, milk, vanilla, flour, salt, and baking powder. That's a far cry from today's exotic Mango Crèmes with Nutrifusion, which feature a food concentrate made with shitake mushrooms. (Anyone want to bet these won't make a return appearance in 2014?)

3. In 1933, you could get a box of 44 cookies for just 23 cents.

4. Life was rough in the early 1940s; not only was there a world war raging, but there were also no Girl Scout cookies to be found. Due to shortages of sugar, butter, and flour, the Scouts sold calendars instead.

5. Today, one-quarter of all Girl Scout cookie sales are Thin Mints. There's just something about the chocolate and mint combination that is unbeatable (that, and the fact that Thin Mints have the most cookies in a box).

6. Two licensed bakeries are in charge of Girl Scout cookies: ABC Bakers and Little Brownie Bakers. That number has decreased dramatically over the years; in the 1940s there were 29 bakers, and in the 1960s, 14.

7. Depending on your local Girl Scout council (and which baker they purchased from), your cookies are either creatively named or literal: Tagalongs are also known as Peanut Butter Patties; Do-si-dos are Peanut Butter Sandwiches; and Trefoils are Shortbreads. Ever so slightly bucking the trend are Samoas/Caramel deLites.

8. If hearing the words "Girl Scout cookies" causes you to salivate, rejoice; you can download a Cookie Finder app to your iPhone or Android to pinpoint exactly where the Scouts are selling.
- See more at: http://theweek.com/article/index/240593/8-things-you-didnt-know-about-girl-scout-cookies#sthash.S7pkXkBk.dpuf

Thursday, February 21, 2013

Every day uses for your sex toys - NSFW

One of my favorite types of magazine articles give you new uses for every day objects.  Real Simple is awesome with these.  So when I saw an article on the Frisky about new uses for sex toys, I was a little excited.  And not in THAT way.  I wrote a post a couple of months pack about sex toys that double as fashion accessories.  Check this one out

So... here you go... every day uses for your sex toys.

Butt Plug Doorstop


Vibrator Hand blender


 
Fisting Candle Holders
 
Fleshlight Beer Cozy

 
Butt Plug Wine Stopper


Nipple Clamp Eye Glass Holder


Cock Ring Napkin Holder


Dildo Coat Hooks




 


Dildo maker - NSFW

So, I'm starting something new...  As all of you know, most of the words I post on this blog are not exactly safe for work (NSFW), but with words you can hide what you are reading.  It's when I post a picture that could clearly get you in trouble I worry (just a little, you clicked on the link while you were at work silly person!)  So now, when a post includes a picture that is a bit risque I will post "NSFW" in the title of the posting.

So on to today's NSFW posting....

Francesco Morackini created a Dildomaker as part of his tools series.  Part "pencil sharpener" and all sex...  the Dildomaker turns any household object into a phallic object with just the twist of a crank.  Now, Francesco has done this as an "art" piece for the viewers to question the relationship between humans and manufactured products, but I'm sure there are hundreds if not thousands of people out there thinking that this might be a good idea...

Me, on the other hand, I prefer sex toys made for that purpose and leave veggies to their intended uses.

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Where are your missed connections... by state

You all know I love me some Craigs List missed connections...  So when I saw this on Buzzfeed today I thought it was awesome.  This map shows the most frequently cited location in missed connections.  I'm a bit alarmed that so many of them were at Walmart... haven't they ever seen the People of Walmart site??

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Texting No-No's


We all know texting is the wave of the future.  Personally, I love it.  You can be multitasking and don't have to deal with it right away if you don't have time.  And even better you can revise your thoughts before they are sent away - unlike when you are on the phone and the minute you say something stupid and you want to take it back and can't!  (That's quite a sentence, I'm sorry... but deal with me)

But we've all gotten that text that takes your breath ago ... and not in a good way.  So according to yahoo, what are the scariest texts to receive and why you shouldn't send them!  And for those new readers (and those who can't remember) the article's language is in regular font and my responses/ideas/thoughts in italic.

Scary text #1: “I can’t stop thinking about you”
This one’s perfectly fine after a few weeks of dating (and on rare occasions), but it can be a huge mistake to send this kind of message after just one date… and especially if it’s done too often or too soon. At the start of romantic relationships, men go on “stalker alert” in much the same way that women go on “jerk alert,” so if your texts sound overly smitten from the outset, you could end up scaring him off. I’m an advocate of sending one text after a first date before you go to bed along the lines of: “I had a good night and I would love to do it again” — and then pulling back from trading messages for a few days. By doing things this way, your date knows that he made a positive impression on you, but he also knows that you have a life to get back to and that there’s ample room and time for him to form his thoughts about you without feeling rushed. I am also a huge fan of the "after date" thank you text.  But I can be known to be a tad obsessive (I call it "passionate!") and if I like a guy I want him to know and I'm not afraid to tell him -- then again maybe I should be.  I'm not a stalker, but I'm pretty damn positive I've had a guy (or two) call me a stalker behind my back because if I like him, I'll text him and tell him so.  Yeah, umm... maybe my "stalkerish" ways are why I'm still single at nearly 33.   

Scary text #2: “We need to talk”
This one has killer implications, no matter when you send it. It makes the receiver feel like a reprimand’s on the way without offering any clues to tell him what he’s walking into the next time he shows up or calls. I know that a woman might send a text like this to try and throw a guy off of his game or convey a sense of urgency if she’s feeling upset, but he’s probably going to see it as both a trap and a source of frustration before he even really knows what’s going on. So if you need to pull the “we need to talk” card on someone, just call him and tell him what’s wrong, or leave him a voicemail if he doesn’t pick up. Texting this to a man is simply torture for him and it won’t solve your problem.  Oh hell no.  The "We need to talk" text, email or even phone call is enough to give you that horrible sinking feeling in your stomach.  This text is enough to scare the crap out of anyway and will produce one of two reactions - a complete sense of urgency or a complete sense of avoidance! 

Scary text #3: “OK”
I love to send texts, and sometimes, my messages become mini-sagas about anything that strikes me during the day. So, if I ever reply with just one word to my guy, he knows that something’s off and he goes on high alert. This one just speaks to being consistent with your texting style to keep your relationship calm and peaceful. In the same way that an inflection in the voice or a facial expression can offer clues to really how you feel, a text that’s overly abrupt can make your beloved feel unsteady on his feet.  I hate the "ok" text.  It drives me crazy because very very rarely do I send a text that a sufficient response is just "OK"  I end up just asking more questions.  It drives me crazy.

Scary text #4: “Just saw the cutest pair of shoes”
This one can be troublesome for a guy in two different ways. First, he can take it as a request for money to pay for those shoes, or he might think that he’s heading into the “friend zone” with you instead of being thought of like you would a boyfriend. Casual texts about material items while you’re apart can come off like subtle ploys to get a man to buy you things. Men like women to be direct about what they want, and they would rather hear you say “I want you to get these shoes for me” than read subtle clues about what you like and don’t like via text message. Plus, if he’s concerned about you showing interest in him just for his money, this will send him running for the hills. These sorts of texts can make a man feel confused about your feelings for him and what kind of future you envision for the two of you, because getting stuck in the “friend zone” be terrifying for a guy who wants to really be your boyfriend.  As a fully confessed shoe lover, I totally understand falling in love with (another) pair of shoes.  But honestly, no guy really cares if you saw a pair of shoes or anything. 

Scary text #5: “I feel like we’re stuck in a rut”
This text is horrible for a relationship that’s already bumpy, and it’s also an “I am rethinking us” warning sign that most men never want to see in the early stages of dating someone. If you’re having a down day, make sure your text outlines what it is that’s really getting you down while also offering a quick way for your man to make things better. No one wants to constantly be on edge and worrying about being replaced, ladies!  Just as bad as the "we need to talk" text.... if you really have something important to talk about, get together.  Face to face! 

Scary text #6: Anything that begins with “My mom said that we should…”
If you have major love, life and/or relationship issues to work out, texting him to say that your mom has solved it all by choosing the next move to make in your lives… well, sorry to tell you this, but he’s not going to like it. A man wants to know that you two will handle life’s ups and downs together, and while he knows that parents can make great advisors, he also needs to know that there’s a boundary that won’t be crossed when it comes to talking about your relationship woes with mom or dad. So, draw a line in the sand that you both can agree on, and then stick to it.  While we all love our moms and respect their opinions, it's not always the best thing to bring your mom into your love life.  I gotta say it, but it's unsexy and a man wants you to be independent and able to make decisions on your own. 

Scary text #7: “Just ran into/spoke with (insert your ex’s name here)”
The past has a nasty way of popping up at exactly the wrong time, and because so much of people’s lives get played out online these days, it’s not too hard to keep tabs on an old flame. If someone’s ex has not moved on, it can make even the most solid relationship feel a bit shaky for both parties. Make sure any issues with an ex are already out on the table and dealt with early on so that they don’t turn into a cancer that poisons your chance at happiness. Let old flames go out for good, and don’t mention any of them again if you can help it.  Yeah, again... lets not scare the crap out of your partner by dropping this bomb on him/her.  As soon as you read this text your mind starts running...  What if's and all that runs through your head and can cause a panic attack in someone without anxiety.  Imagine what it does in us with anxiety?!?

Friday, February 15, 2013

Decode "bride" speak

So, I came across this article today online and I thought it was funny.  Do grooms every really understand "Bride" speak?

You say: Tulle.
They hear: Tool. Possibly the knife used to cut the wedding cake.
Explain it: A light, mesh-like fabric used for anything from decorating to dresses.

You say: Fondant.
They hear: Fondue.
Explain it: A thick icing that can be molded and sculpted. Not made out of cheese.

You say: Blusher.
They hear: Makeup. Or something you do when you're embarrassed. Are you mad?
Explain it: A short veil that usually covers just the face.

You say: FAB Minimum.
They hear: Fabulous.
Explain it: The minimum amount of food and beverages you must pay for when contracting with a vendor.

You say: Table runner.
They hear: "Blade Runner." Was Harrison Ford a replicant?
Explain it: A long strip of cloth that goes down the center of a table for decoration.

You say: Boudoir session.
They hear: Honeymoon!
Explain it: A photo session where the bride poses provocatively as a present for her fiancé.

You say: Fascinator.
They hear: Something you can't stop staring at.
Explain it: A cluster of ribbons and/or feathers worn as a hair decoration. Sometimes paired with a blusher (see above).

You say: Jack and Jill.
They hear: Went up the Hill. Wait, what?
Explain it: A co-ed bridal shower.

You say: Empire waist.
They hear: Empire State Building.
Explain it: A dress where the skirt attaches high above the waist.

You say: Sweetheart neckline.
They hear: A necklace, maybe? That they were supposed to give you? Are you mad?
Explain it: When the top edge of a dress is curved like the top of a heart.

You say: Recession.
They hear: The economy is really bad.
Explain it: When the bride, groom, and the rest of the wedding party walks back up the aisle at the end of the ceremony.

You say: Shantung.
They hear: Gesundheit!
Explain it: A heavy fabric, often made of silk, with a nubby finish.

Top Cities for Single Men!

For those serious guys out there who are really looking for a mate, there are some cities that are much better for men out there.  What do you think?

Washington, D.C.
Guys are you out there looking for a smart go-getter of a woman?  If so, head on over to DC where there are tons of ambitious women.  Nearly 47% of DC residents have college degrees.  And according to The Daily Beast, DC has 69% single men and 74% single women.  Seriously... I knew it!  That's why I can't find a date - there is a higher percentage of single women then single men.  But hey, guys, the odds are in your favor! 


New YorkSo, more than half the adults in New York City are single, with 1 in 5 between the ages of 20 and 34.  And NYC provides both the density and the diversity to allow for anyone to find someone that they connect with from Central Park to the restaurant's to the bars/clubs. 


BaltimoreSo, Baltimore might not be the first thing you think of when you are looking for single men, but apparently it's actually #3 on the list of top cities for single men.  But... apparently according to Kiplinger, 52.9% of the total population is single and the cost of living is low compared to the #1 (Washington DC) and #2 (NYC).  Turns out Baltimore isn't the real blue collar city that they claim to be, 3 in 20 residents hold a graduate degree and the medium income is over $65K.   


PhiladelphiaSo the City of Brotherly Love is actually a great place for single men.  1 in 2 residents are unmarried.  And they are intelligent too, 1 in 3 holds at LEAST a bachelors degree and 1 in 5 are between the ages of 20 and 34.  Not bad odds for the single men out there!


BostonIn a statistic enough for single men, 70% of the population in Boston is single women.  Then again 67% of the population.  Umm, these statistics are according to the Daily Beast - so blame them that it doesn't add up.  if we are talking about the total population, then 70 + 67 = 137% which seems a bit off.  But if it's 70% of the total male population, those odds are still pretty good. 


Thursday, February 14, 2013

I blog for coffee!

Thanks to one of my favorite websites, I got a great idea for all of my fabulous readers to support this blog.

Now, I love my Starbucks Lattes and they start to add up, so boys and girls... support my habit, donate any amount to the paypal link below (and on the right side)!


Thursday, February 7, 2013

Crazy Themed Weddings going a little too far!

I get the idea of a themed wedding - especially if you are into something.  But it's not for me and I honestly think it's a little crazy.  Personally, I'm much more of a traditionalist (yeah, seriously!) when it comes to weddings.  The one thing that sticks in my mind is the picture - and those pictures last forever.  The last thing you want is to look at them and think - what the hell was I thinking.  (my own parents are a perfect example.  The woman all had 70s style dresses with sheer sleeves and hats in various shades of pastel.  And the men.... they had polyester suits in matching shades of pastel - yeah, pastel tuxes!) 

Anyway, I had never seen a themed wedding as out there as the Disney themed wedding I ran across on the web this week.  Now, I'm a believer that Disney is for kids (and parents of kids)... Hey, I get if you are into Disney - but it's not for me.  But this couple REALLY went for it. 

The bride (apparently obsessed with The Little Mermaid) dressed up as Ariel and her groom as Eric (that was his name - right? I'm not in the mood to look it up.)  And this girl went ALL out, she even combed her hair with a fork - that was in the movie too.  Now I hope that was just for the pictures, but with this girl, I'm not 100% sure! 

And if only it ended there - it didn't... All of her bridesmaids were dressed up as Disney princesses from Sleeping Beauty to Mulan.  Yeah, I wonder about how those girls felt about buying those dresses.  At least they could wear them again ... for Halloween, right?  And the men, they were dressed up as Disney villains (not sure why they didn't go for the princesses).  Even her dad got into the spirit and dressed up as the Ariel's father - the king.  See all the crazy pictures below!

I will give this girl serious props for going all out on her theme.  They had the minister wear mouse ears (humm, a little far for a man of the cloth).  But I did think the idea of naming all the tables for Disney movies AND including appropriate decorations for each table.

Now, I was thinking... is this type of Disney wedding common?  Well, apparently it is!  There is a whole website that sells just Disney wedding dresses.  Yup, go check it out... http://www.disneybridal.com/bridalgowns.html.  Of courses, prices aren't listed. 










Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Active Valentine's Day - excercise you can do together!

And no, I'm not talking about sex here.  I'm talking about exercises classes that you and your intended can take together.  A great idea for an active couple instead of the old and tired fancy dinner out.  This list includes classes in the Washington, DC area - but I'm sure there are similar classes in all major cities - but I'm not going to do all your homework for you!

“Tough Love” à la 50 Shades of Grey Class The class called, "Tough Love: Bars, Bands & Blindfolds Bootcamp" includes partner exercises, blindfolded plyometrics and high intensity interval training - and it sounds like it could lead to some great active sex and exploration in the 50 Shades genre.  .
See Also
Partner Yoga So many of us are go-go-go and forget to stop and relax.  Partner Yoga makes you stop... focus on your partner and explore you bodies.   
 
Singles Yoga and Date Night
The activities aren't only for those coupled up.  How about a Yoga class group taught with a dating and relationship expert?  Although, honestly I do wonder what the ratio of men to women will be in this class.  But guys, if you know what's good for you - you'd go.  The ratio is likely to be highly in your favor. 
 
Running Scavenger Hunt For those crazy runners (never my thing!), how about a couples scavenger hunt through the park?  What's better than competing against other people with your better half AND getting your exercises in the process? 
 
(Hot Chocolate) Couples Massage
So maybe it's not the most active thing on this list, but can you really go wrong with a couples massage?  How about throw in chocolate massage oil?  Yup, you've got a winner here.
 

Put yourself FIRST for Valentine's Day this year.

Valentine's Day is no fun for us single people.  In fact, I hear it lovingly (or not so lovingly) referred to Single's Awareness Day all the time.  But Valentine's Day is not all about just romantic love, but the other kinds of love as well - you know, C.S. Lewis' book called the Four Loves says that there are (obviously) four different kinds of love that humans can share:

1. Storge - affection (familiar love)
2. Philia - friendship (love between friends)
3. Eros - romance (kissy-kissy face love)
4. Agape - unconditional love (love that brings forth caring regardless of the circumstance - his words not mine.  And it's a Christian based book - that I read in a lovely class called Christian Love at a very Christian college - so obviously the agape love is the love God has for all of us... blah, blah)


Anyway, this Valentine's Day, lets celebrate the love we have for ourselves.  Singles, stop all the negative thinking and do something for ourselves.  Here are some ideas....

1.  Give yourself a relaxing night.  Go out and buy those expensive bath products you can't justify on an every day basis.  Pick out a great smelling candle and bubble bath and soak your worries away.  And it's ok to cry it out, but make sure you take time to relax.  Try to coordinate smells with your candle, bath salts, bubble bath and lotion so all the competing senses don't give you a headache (or maybe that's just me)

2.  Buy jewelry ... for yourself!  Who says you need a man to buy jewelry for you?  Not me!  Go out and buy yourself something nice (just use the money you would have spent on some silly guy - see your net spending didn't change at all, AND you got something you'll like, not some silly flowers).  Bonus if you get this bracelet which doubles as a flask, yes you read that right - a bangle that hides your alcoholic stash - just try not to imbibe at work please.  It's not cheap ($225) but just think of all the money you could save at the bars!

3.  Pamper yourself at the Spa  You know that special treatment you've always been wanting (I've been very curious about the fish pedicure - but not sure I'd do it!) - well this is the best time to stop and smell your own roses!  Take a day, half day or even an hour and just splurge with a trip to the spa.  And it's not as expensive these days if you find a groupon, livingsocial or similar deal. 

4.  Get some lingerie for yourself!  And guess what... they don't have to be the naughty nurse or the naughty cheerleader or naughty anything.  You can splurge on cashmere sweats or a great silk robe.  Something that makes you feel pampered and comfortable!

5.  Wine it up.  Get your favorite wine and drink it all yourself.  Don't wallow in self pity of being single - instead celebrate your awesomeness.  And celebrate that you don't have to share the bottle with anyone else!

Above all else, just take care of yourself. 

Forget the roses and chocolates - get something different for V-Day.


Valentine's Day is coming and the old gifts are tired.  I saw a segment on the Today show this morning about out of the box Valentine's Day gifts and I thought the ideas were great.  So guys (and girls!) take note of these gifts and get them soon.  Shipping overnight is expensive, and honestly it's not always the thought that counts - the last minute gas station chocolates and flowers aren't exactly something every girl looks for.

1.  An alternative to flowers: flower jewelry!
Flower die (and seems the Valentine's ones die quicker because they have been harvested earlier to fill the need!).  Flowers are also expensive (you know very well that there is a huge Valentine's Day markup).  I loved the Today Show's idea of forgoing fresh flowers and getting flower based jewelry.  No one is stopping you from getting flowers any other time of the year and they will probably be half the price and twice as fresh.  Anyway, love the idea of flower based jewelry that will last forever.  They highlighted Liz Palacios's jewelry (available here) - her enamel and Swarovisky crystal rings, pins and bracelets are averaged priced (the ring to the left is $55) and actually are very pretty. 

2.  Find yummy heart shaped goodies instead of chocolates
  I'm always up for an excuse to sugar load.  And Valentine's day is no different (but then again neither is Halloween, Christmas, Easter... you get the drift).  And as good as chocolate is (well, for some people - I'm honestly not a huge fan of chocolate) chocolate is not the end-all-be-all Valentine's gift.  Besides, there is a whole lot of cheap and bad chocolate out there.  So why not do something different?  Like the Heart shaped Whoopie Pies from Crumble Cookie Factory.  They come in multiple "red velvet" colors and look amazing.  Besides, at $10 for 4 pies you aren't spending a ton of money on a box of chocolates with a mystery filling!  And we all know probably over half of those mystery fillings aren't good at all.

3.  Forgo the Champagne and go for bar ware.

Champagne is yummy - I love the bubbles!  But why not get something more permanent and go for personalized bar ware from Uncommon Goods.  The glasses (available in multiple bar ware glass types) are in scripted with two initials and a special date.  Bonus is that you can mix your bar ware - perfect for those who don't necessarily like the same booze.  A beer glass for him and a wine glass for her (or the opposite!) and it provides for a special way for you two to be connected.  Although, a great gift for a permanent relationship - might want to be something to pass up if you aren't 100% serious - although following a breakup the breaking of the glasses could be very cathartic. 

4.  Forget the wine, go for the wine-based beauty products!
Wine only lasts for a short time - but makeup lasts months!  And what woman doesn't like to expand the makeup in their makeup cabinet.  And Laura Mercer has an awesome package called "Off the Vine" on QVC right now for $66.50 that includes products to pamper your skin and utilize all the "in" colors right now.  And guy, you know you love that "natural" look but have to understand it doesn't actually mean that she's not using any makeup, just means that she's not using crazy makeup. 


5.  For the guys, forget the cologne and go for a shaving kit.
Lets be honest - very few guys need a new bottle of cologne and cologne is such a personal choice - the guy might not even like your choice (even if it turns YOU on).  So why not go for something he needs anyway?  A really nice shaving kit from The Art of Shaving.  While some of the kits can get kind of pricey... girls, you know you love a close shave.  The 5 o'clock stubble may look good, but it doesn't feel good on our sensitive skin! 


6.  The grand gesture for long distance relationships.
I'm a huge fan of etsy.  If you've never been to the site - you should check it out.  It's like visiting an art and crafts fair but online at your own leisure (and without the pushy salespeople).  I loved this idea of the Heartstrings Pillow for couples who are spread by distances.  All you have to do is give the etsy shop owner your two zip codes and she will send you a pillow with your two locations covered in hearts and attached by a big red string!  It's so adorable and will always be a reminder of your love. 

Friday, February 1, 2013

Cumulative cum.

This is a short, stream of consciousness post.  In reviewing some documents today I see the word "cum" mentioned many times as an abbreviation to cumulative. 

Is it just me or do things like this make you giggle like a 15 year old boy?  And in my head I almost always say it the wrong way.  ie cum like jizz instead of cum like the beginning of cumulative.

That's it, back to your regularly scheduled programming. 

Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Cheaters. You will get caught some how

So. Cheaters. You better not use your cell phone! 41% of people have caught someone through their call logs, texts or voice mails

Tuesday, January 29, 2013

I can't do it alone! Group dating...

I just saw a little blurb on the Today show about a new dating website.  Yes, another one, if you can believe it. 

But this one is different (and yeah, they all say that) - but this one really is different.

Enter.  Grouper (https://www.joingrouper.com/) a fishy sounding website name that matches groups of friends together to go out for a group date. 

You sign up, they match you with someone (not sure how they figure that piece out), you pick up 2 friends, you actually pre-pay for your first round, they tell you where to meet and then you meet up. 

It's kind of a neat idea, not only do you get to meet 3 new people, you get to drink and go to a new place that you normally don't go to! 

So far Grouper is only available in the bigger cities (DC is one of them!)  If someone tries it let me know!

Friday, January 25, 2013

Mr. Science...

I figured this was worth a share.

Whose fault is it? Blame Match.com

Honestly, I've had some really shitty dates in my life.  I'd like to blame someone for these bad dates, and a Las Vegas woman has taken the blame to a whole new level!

A 50 year old woman in Vegas is suing Match.com for $10 million after Match set her up on the date from hell.  We aren't just talking about a boring date or a creepy guy - this guy takes the take.  Mary Kay Beckman's date stabbed her 10 times in the FACE and CHEST in an attempt to kill her.  Dang.

And Wade Ridley (the date) didn't stop at stabbing her after the knife broke - the jerk stomped and kicked her in the head until she stopped making any noises.  And this wasn't the first time Wade had done this... while Mary Kay was in the hospital he was arrested for the murder of an ex girlfriend in Arizona.  His excuse - the bitches jilted him.

Now most people would chalk this story up to being a really (I can't emphasize really enough) bad experience in dating.  But Mary Kay, she's going to get even!  She's suing Match.com because they set her up on the date.  Match's response... "What happened to Mary Kay Beckman is horrible, but this lawsuit is absurd.  There are many millions of people who have found love on Match.com and other online dating sites know how fulfilling it is.  And while that doesn't make what happened in this case any less awful, this is about a sick, twisted individual with no prior criminal record, not an entire community of men and women looking to meet each other."

I'm liking Mary Kay's philosophy... Maybe I'll start suing the online dating services because my dates suck!

Naked Ebaying

I'm not sure about you, but I'm not one for doing everyday activities naked.  But apparently there are a lot of people out there who loved their nakedness!  Now, being naked is fine.... but taking your ebay pictures naked can be dangerous!  People everywhere (or at least these ones below) are taking pictures of their ebay merchandise and "accidently" including their own naughty bits.  And even worse - they POSTED these pictures... So enjoy... naked ebaying.