So, I'm not a big drinker and I often go to bed early (for most people) on the weekends to catch up sleep. But I'm also the kind of girl that tells ANY of my friends/lovers to call me if they get stuck and need a ride. And somehow this translates into "She's open for booty calls any time of the day or night!"
So, I've been known to be awoken from a deep sleep with the ringing or buzzing of my phone with a telephone call coming in or a text message (note, I'd much rather have the text message!). So, on this day the buzzzz of the phone goes off and I get the ubitiquious message "Are you up?" Well, no of course I wasn't up before you called, but since the buzz went off, I'm up now.
And then he (and you had to guess it was a he) basically tells me he's coming over. So here I am... half (or more) asleep and trying to prepare for a visitor. Now, this certain visitor and I had only been on a small handful of dates (like 2 previous), so I was still in the "trying to impress" mode. I got up, cleaned myself up and laid back down. A text later shows that he hasn't even left downtown DC yet (which is a good 30 minutes). I told him to get on the metro and I will pick him up at the closest stop (about 5 minutes away), but he argued and said he was going to take a cab. All that is fine and good - but my house is in a weird little section of town that borders on ghetto and no one can find it - even google maps and GPSs get it wrong!
I laid back down, struggling to stay awake and periodically checked my phone for updates. All I kept seeing was "Ohh, I'm 20 minutes away". Ten minutes later, "Ohh, I'm 20 minutes away". Ten minutes later "Ohh, I'm 20 minutes away". Ten minutes later, "Shit, I'm in xxx City, that's not close to your house, is it?" He was now even further away than he was when he was downtown! I texted him SPECIFIC directions to get to my house to give to the taxi driver, he should be there in about 20 minutes (for real this time). 30 minutes later I get a phone call. He's struggling to form words and is lost about 10 minutes away. This time I get ON the phone with the taxi driver, who is at this point really pissed off (as am I) and direct him to my house.
Well, he gets out and tells me that the god forsaken taxi driver was a dumb ass (I had talked to him, clearly the dumbass was in the back seat of this particular taxi) and that he got into a fight with the taxi driver and just threw a hundred at him and walked away. Seeing his condition, I'm pretty positive that it was not a hundred and I'd be surprised if he gave him anything more than a dollar bill.
But I cooled down. let him in my house and tried to get "in the mood." He, of course, seemed to not be as drunk as I originally thought and was very sweet. In fact, sex that night was quite good.
I woke up the next morning, his stinky alcohol laden breath on my nose. And I woke his ass up. He looks at me, gets this shocked look in his eye, and then it registers... oh yeah, I did get here last night. Then he looked over, and calmly asked me, "Wait, did we have sex last night?" At that point, I flipped out and within seconds I had all my clothes (and shoes!) on and was ready to drive his ass back to the metro so he could get himself home. He sheepishly looked at me and said, "What? we aren't going to have sex now?"
The answer, no. And I never saw him again. Sex with me must be memorable, thank you very much.
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