Abstience Undies... Umm really?

Yes, yes.  It's true.  A new website... delightfully called - What would your mother do? has come out and is selling of all things - underwear with slogans on them meant to prevent teen/tween sex.  Their idea (brilliant I must add - umm sure) is that the phrases - such as "Dream on" "Zip it" and "Not Tonight" written on underwear will provide as conversation starters and prevent teens from going "all the way."  See the designs below on lovely teen models.  Note, I have NOT altered their picture at all.

Now, on to my lovely opinion - which I know you delight in so much.  Seriously, what BULLSHIT.  I was a kid once - and I lost my virginity pretty late - 17 - by today's standards.  And let me tell you, when you are a teen you aren't really stopping to read someones underwear.  Most of the time you are stumbling in the dark - hoping you aren't going to get caught.  There are a couple of false starts where the guy cums too early on your underwear (yeah, that's a bitch).  But no one is stopping to read some stupid message on your waistband. 

Besides, the only girls who are going to wear them are the ultra religions girls who are making a point, or the girls who are just appeasing their mother and going to make fun of them when they are having sex with their boyfriend anyway (and usually some guy mom wouldn't approve of anyway!)  Take that bitch!  Nice try, What would you mother do.  Maybe you should just try talking to her, and explaining the crap that's out there and what abstinence really means, and what kind of STD's and emotional tolls having sex too early can cause. 

And on a side note, the website's picture with little girls in pretty revealing short shorts has provided quite a cute little picture for some guy (old or young) to jerk off too.  I'm sure that wasn't their point... But good job :)

Top 10 ways men turn off women...

Women are fickle creatures.  I only say that because I am one, and honestly girls - we can be big ass bitches!  Sometimes I wonder how guys even put up with us.  Oh wait, I know!  it's the sex.  Duh.  But, first they gotta impress us enough to get us horizontal, or vertical up against a wall, or on all fours... you get my drift.. 

So, guys.. take note.  According to Askmen.com - these are the top 10 things that make us turn away and think twice about getting close to us.  Avoid if at all possible!

No.10 Overt drunkenness


Yes, we get it.  There are times that you (and us!) want to get seriously out of control drunk.  You know, maybe your buddy's bachelor party.  But if you are out looking for a woman the last thing we are going to be attracted to is the guy in the corner slurring his words.  For one, he's probably going to be pawing all over us, and probably not going to remember shit about it in the morning.  And really, as much as many of us like to mother, we really don't want to do that on the first date! 

No.9 Dirty dancing


Not many people are qualified to be on Dancing with the Stars, and even those who are on the show train for hours every day!  And seriously guys, the LAST thing we want is you coming up behind us and grinding your junk on our ass as a getting to know you maneuver.  If I wanted that I probably would have just gone up to you and grabbed your crotch, and you don't see me doing that, do you?  So, if you want to dance with me in a bar/club/whatever.  Approach from the front.  More than likely she'll accept you and you'll move on.  great! 

No.8 Bluetooth in ear


Seriously, nothing looks as retarded as someone with a Bluetooth in their ear.  When I see that blue light flashing or even something in their ear I shudder a little bit.  Even worse is when they are walking around in what it looks like they are talking to themselves.  I don't know about you, but I think that the bluetooth has a great purpose, and it's for hands free while you are DRIVING!  When you are just walking and just hanging out, it's not needed!


No.7 Negativity

Joking and scarcism are great and even flirty.  But it's not great when a guy is constantly negative abut the world, himself and even worse - about YOU!  Guys should try to error on the side of gentlemanly, nice and fun when first meeting someone (yes, at first, reel them in, and if the negatively comes out later it might be a little harder to get rid of him after you have actual feelings)  The negative comments, according to Askmen, can show that a man is picky, snobby, mean, or just plain stupid - all things that you just want to AVOID!

No.6 Bad pickup lines


When all goes wrong, guys tend to lean on those old standby pick up lines.  Of course - I have to say, I don't blame them!  It can't be easy to go up to a woman and ask them out or even talk to them.  Most of the time I'm too much of a pussy to do so.  But, guys, if you do fall back on those old standby pickup lines, the really bad and cheesy ones are huge turn offs.  (Look at my posts on good and bad pickup lines to review, or even Jersey Shore pickup lines!) 

No.5 Excessive cologne


A good smelling man is a huge turn-ON, that is a man that you have to lean in to smell him, or that you just get a wiff as he walks by.  A man that you can smell as he approaches - from feet away is a huge turn off.  personally, too strong of a smell gives me a major headache, and I know others that feel the same way.  You want to have to take a deep breath to smell him, not choke when you do.  A little goes a long way.

No.4 Swearing


Swearing is a part of life.  In fact a good shit, fuck or damn really drives the point across (as you've seen me use many many times.)  But when  you are using these words multiple times in every sentence it's a bit of turn off.  Just try to keep it at a once in awhile type for dramatic effect.

No.3 Douchebag friends


You know the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.  And if his friends are douchebags that really makes you question him!  He could really be on his best behavior while he's woman hunting and as soon as he hooks you in he lets down his guard and shows his true (douchebag) colors!  And trust me, every woman sees this coming a mile away (and if she doesn't - she's dumb and deserves your stupid ass anyway!).  So dude, you can have those friends that aren't always on their best behavior - but if all  your friends are always that way - maybe you should take a long look in the mirror and think about who you really are.

No.2 Bad breath


Nothing turns me off than getting close to a guy and then smelling his dirty nasty breath.  Yuck.  And then kissing him and tasting it too.  I don't care how hot he is, if it's nasty it's very very hard to get over.  So guys, carry gum, mints or breath spray with you at all times.  Girls should too.

No.1 A kid


I might be the only one, but I think a guy who knows how to take care of a child, and handle a baby is extremely attractive.  But then again, I don't really want to find myself moving into a ready made family - so a single dad isn't really on my to do list.  According to Askmen.com, a single dad can mean a world of trouble: commitment issues, baggage, immaturity, or an angry ex. Plus, not all women are the motherly type. Break the daddy news to her after a few dates, because surprising her with a kid is a huge turnoff.

Take that teabaggers - sexually explicit church signs.

I ran across this post on someecards.com today on unintentionally sexually explicit sexual church signs.  While I'm respectful of the whole church thing (obviously since I'm using such respectful words for it . . .)  if someone is so makes a mistakes as big as the following they deserve what I'm gonna give them!  So, copied from someecards.com - sexually explicit sexual church signs!  And let me tell you, I've read passages out of the Bible, and that shit isn't this interesting!

 

Movies that you won't make it through - in the good way.

You've reached that point ... it's time for the movie at home.  You know, the movie night where you never get through the actual movie.  Where you end up making out half way through the movie.  So, when I found askmen.com's list of Top 10 Date movies I had to share, for all of us out there that need to add them to our netflix queue for future makeout sessions. 

No.10 Dangerous Liaisons

Seduction, betrayal and more seduction are the stars in this period piece starring Glenn Close, John Malkovich and Michelle Pfeiffer. The Marquise de Merteuil (Close) asks her partner in deceit Vicomte de Valmont (Malkovich) to seduce a young woman to get back at a former lover. However, Valmont has his wants and desires set on the sweet and tender Madame de Tourvel (Pfeiffer). Dangerous Liaisons has a heat and passion that simmers just underneath powdered wigs, accents and corsets. The innocent are taught to seduce, the guilty to lie and lives hang in the balance of a duel. Dangerous Liaisons is a classic and was reimagined as Sarah Michelle Gellar’s Cruel Intentions (also sexy and featuring one of our favorite chick kissing scenes).
I've never seen Dangerous Liaisons, but Cruel Intentions turns me on every time!

No.9 Belle Epoque

Take Spain, war, a handsome young soldier, and four nubile and beautiful sisters and you have this foreign film classic. Fernando, a young soldier struggling with the impending civil war of his Spanish homeland, finds himself in the bed of four sisters: a lovelorn widow, a lesbian who is aroused by cross-dressing, a vapid socialite, and an innocent beauty. As Fernando finds heartbreak and disappointment with each sexual encounter, the girls’ father gives the soldier hope about romance (even after Fernando has slept with his daughters).
I haven't seen this one either!

No.8 Tie Me Up! Tie Me Down!


Antonio Banderas -- that's all your girlfriend needs to know. The epitome of Latin lovers stars as a recently released mental patient who finds himself obsessed with an actress fallen on hard times. Sex, damaged psyches, childhood abuse, and addiction come together in one of the few films that make Stockholm syndrome lusty and hot. Staying true to its title, the actress, Marina, is kidnapped by Banderas who keeps her tied up and tied down to ensure her inevitable falling in love with him. At a point in the end, she begs him to leave her bound so she cannot leave him. Talk about bondage!
And another, I haven't seen this one either!

No.7 Laurel Canyon

Christian Bale and Kate Beckinsale star as a newly engaged couple living in Los Angeles pursuing their careers. Sam (Bale) is a psychiatrist and Alex (Beckinsale) is a doctor. The couple ends up staying with Sam’s mother, a record producer and free spirit who ends up trying to create an album while partying hard. While Bale’s character is stressed by his wild mother, his wife is drawn into her lifestyle. Laurel Canyon focuses on relationships trying to grow in mutual proximity without suffering from one another. It also brings in some heated sexual moments that normally never happen (Alex, Jane and her boyfriend almost have a threesome), but it does take a realistic look at temptation and the challenge of defining what type of love we really want.
Well, so far I have quite a few movies that will lead to a great deal of sex... just need to find that man to provide that sex....

No.6 Y Tu Mama Tambien

Hot doesn’t begin to describe this Mexican cinematic excursion into sex, friendship and self-discovery. Two friends, after having very honest and realistic sex with their girlfriends, head on a road trip. During their vacation, they meet a slightly older woman who is open about making love, having sex and simply screwing for the sake of screwing. International stars Gael Garcia Berna, Diego Luna and Maribel Verdú have no issue portraying naked characters (both figuratively and literally) in terms and scenes that will provoke discussion and arousal. If this film doesn’t make a couple want to have sex, they need to check their pulse.
Finally, one I've seen!  Granted, I watched it for a Spanish class in college, and was rather embarassed to have to write a report about it because it's seriously just a porn - I had no idea there was actually a plot!

No.5 The Fabulous Baker Boys

The Bridges brothers and Michelle Pfeiffer give a critically acclaimed performance as two brothers who play as lounge lizards in Seattle. They are joined by a beautiful blonde (Pfeiffer) who sings and draws in audiences while building tension between the brothers. What else can you expect whenever two guys are around a hot girl? Even the Baker boys can’t put their blood before their desires and the duo falls apart. The late ‘80s classic showcases how sexuality can simmer and grow from nothing more than a song well-sung by a beautiful woman. The Fabulous Baker Boys was nominated for four Academy Awards.
And back to movies I haven't seen!

No.4 Suspiria

Murder and mystery find their way into this Dario Argento horror film. A young student travels to a musical academy in Germany only to discover violence, death and supernatural evil lurking in the background. Blind pianists, maggots and witches end up making Suspira a film of tense eroticism that will leave you and your sweetheart tightly wrapped around one another. Keep in mind that this film is known for its violence and it put the famed Italian director Argento on the map.
I tend to avoid horror films!  But hey, if it leads to sex I'd  be willing to try...

No.3 Eyes Wide Shut

Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman portray a well-to-do married couple who face seduction, lies, secret societies, and murder in this odd but heated film. Bill (Cruise) must fend off sexual advances during parties, erotic fantasies and difficult discoveries about his wife (Kidman.) Eyes Wide Shut portrays sex and its attending issues of infidelity, deviant desires and orgies. This film is sure to stir up want in a couple with masked sex, a simmering soundtrack and Tom Cruise jumping bones and not couches.
I've course I've heard of this movie, but I've never watched it.  Granted, I'm not a huge fan of "new" Tom Cruise and I don't think of Nicole Kidman as anything but a plastic unfeeling woman... but hey... I'd give it a try.

No.2 Mr. & Mrs. Smith

This is the movie that started Brangelina and ended Brad and Jennifer. John (Brad Pitt) and Jane (Angelina Jolie) are a couple suffering from marital boredom. Their cooling love life stems from having to deceive each other into think they're conventional suburbanites when, in reality, they are both master assassins. Mr. & Mrs. Smith takes this ultra hot and stylish couple on an adventure of both marital exploration and contract killing as they trade attempts on each others' lives… until they have hot sex in a decimated kitchen. It’s a thrill ride with some real meat about relationships and after seeing Brangelina shooting and sweaty, you two will find your own ways to disarm and disrobe each other.
As much as I wanted to dislike this movie because of the whole Jenn and Brad breakup caused by the bitch Angelina (you'll never guess whose side I'm on!)  I couldn't help but like this movie - it's pretty damn hot.

No.1 Dirty Dancing

The No. 1 date movie that leads to sex is the ‘80s classic that featured great dancing, acting and a timeless soundtrack. Jennifer Grey is Frances “Baby” Houseman, a New York socialite who meets dance instructor Johnny Castle (Patrick Swayze) and finds self-discovery and her own sexuality. The two must battle classicism, accusations and forbidden love against the backdrop of sultry dance lessons. Featuring smooth moves by Swayze and Grey and the famous line “Nobody puts Baby in a corner,” Dirty Dancing taught a generation about dancing, following one’s heart and reminded us just how cool the ‘60s were. Your girlfriend will be singing about how she's had the time of your life by the movie’s credits and you’ll find a renewed sense of love and fun at the end of the date.
Well, hell yeah.

On the underware trend... camel toe elminator!

Since I posted about underwear yesterday, I figured I would follow it up today with a new product that should be on the shopping list of every woman who wears tight pants!

The Camel Toe Eliminator!

A new product called the Smooth Groove - seen to the left - and purchased at http://www.smoothgroovedesigns.com/product/ is a "comfortable, hygienically safe and discreet solution to Camel Toe"  You just slip the male cup looking contraption into your underwear and it provides a smooth line, preventing camel toe (or you could just not wear such tight clothes - but that's just my suggestion!).  The manufacturer promises that the natural design works with the movement of your body.  Maybe next they can make something that can prevent wedgies! 

Cool Crotches and no sweaty balls!

With summer nearing (yes, I know in some areas it doesn't feel that way- but trust me - summer is coming!), we all must start thinking about how to stay cool. 

And I dont' know about you, but nothing is worse than a hot hooha.  Yes, a hot vag, and even worse a sweaty vag (go where with me here - and sense a bit a sarcasm!).  Well, thanks to Jockey underware we have a solution!  And the solution is also for men and their sweaty balls as well. 

The new brand of underware marketed by Jocket called "staycool" uses a new technology to keep the naghty bits from overheating.  According to their press release, “The Outlast® temperature regulating technology behind Jockey® staycool underwear helps your skin feel up to 3° cooler.” You know it’s legit because the material was initially developed for NASA to “help balance temperature fluctuations in space.”  Hot damn - 3 degrees colder!  Hey, it's worth a try, and even better if you and your man combine your staycool technology - then you can knock boots with a cooler cock and pussy!

Have trouble reaching the big O? ... EASY solution!

Researchers (yes real ones this time - The University of Groningen in the Netherlands) set out to study the study the differences between the female and male orgasm (imagine being one of those researchers!)  13 heterosexual couples aged 19 to 49 took part in the study were one half of the couple was asked to lie down - head inside a scanner while their partner stimulated them manually to achieve orgasm (how sexy!)

What did they find?  Well... one of the biggest roadblocks to reaching the big O was cold feet.  Not figuratively, literally cold feet.  When given socks to wear 80% of the couples were able to reach orgasm compared to 50% without socks.  That's huge.  And here I thought it was always a HUGE turn off to undress completely and keep your socks on.  Maybe I'm the one doing it all wrong this whole time.  Apparently the key here is to keep your socks on.

So try it out tonight, let me know what is better. 

Moob Surgery - the rise in plastic surgery for ....MEN

What happened to aging gracefully?  It certiantly hasn't been the popular method for women for years.  The rise of botox, fillers, and all kinds of other crap that millions of plastic surgeons everywhere market to women over the age of 30 (yes, I've heard women as low as 30 starting to get botox!).  Personally, I can understand a little fixing here and there.  I wouldn't mind getting my eyelids lifted (I naturally have "fat" eyelids) or a bit of lipo here and there.  But seriously - I don't get the constant cosmetic procedures to make yourself look younger. 

And guess who has caught the fever now? MEN.  Really?  Men.  the ones who even look better with age (and not all of them - but many of them do - can you say George Clooney!)

And what do you think is one of the most popular plastic procedures for men?  A breast reduction.  Yes, men are getting their man boobs removed!  Surgeons last year performed 13.1 million procedures last year on both men and women, a 5% increase over 2010.  But among men there was a 6% increase!  In total that means that 18,280 men got their boobs done.

The figures also showed a 14 per cent increase in the number of men getting facelifts and a 7 per cent hike in liposuction amongst males.

Craigs List strikes again... wanna share your underware with your man?

So, like I often do on Sunday night while watching television and prepping for Monday morning, I peruse the Craig's List personal ads.  Today I find a good one.  It shows up late in the evening (note, it's already nearly midnight and it only was posted less than 30 min ago).  So you know the guy isn't 100% confident with the subject matter.  Craig's List postings tend to follow the sun's rotation - during the day they are much calmer, more tame.  But when the sun goes down the freaks come out. 

And here is one of them. 

Okay with a guy wearing panties? - 24 (Silver Spring)--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Date: 2011-04-03, 11:17PM EDT
Reply To This Post
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So hear's the deal. I think I'm pretty much a catch. I'm a good looking 24yo with a nice car and good job. I'm laid back, funny, and love the outdoors. I've got a degree and my shit together. However, I can't really date my friends because I do, in fact, like to wear panties. Thus, craigslist. I'm not saying I'm here for a sexual only relationship and other then that I'm pretty normal. I also don't want to shove it down your throat. I just also want to know that you won't run away when you find out. With that said, I would love to find someone to hangout with sometime. I'd love to grab some food, see a movie, and if we click, hang out some more. If you're interested, shoot me an email. And please, post your favorite store in the subject line so I know you're real. Pics of you will get pics of me. Thanks

Location: Silver Spring


it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

Yes.  And for you ladies who are interested - here is the link to her ad/posting if you really want to reply.

First off, let me say that if you are so embarrassed of your kink that you can't date anyone within your social circle for fear that they might let it out, that's not good.  But then again, why not post it on Craig's List for the world to see - or at least the greater Washington DC Metro area?  Sounds like a great idea to me (and for me too - it's a great way for me to make fun of you!)

Next, dude.  Really woman's underwear?  My guess is that you don't like granny panties - but some kind of lacy/frilly/g-string type.  And let me tell you, no matter if a guy think it's hot they really aren't all that comfortable - yes naysayer girls out there, I've tried multiple times and I don't get it.  And with a guy's equipment I'm not sure how it really works to pack all the twig and berries into a small women's underwear package.  But hey, I guess as kinks go this is pretty harmless! 

Fetish Friendly Dinnerware - Cum Bowls!

Again one of my favorite websites (I really need to start a links list here on the blog...) Regresty.com posted a great piece of "art" today.  A stoneware artist has listed (and SOLD) a pair of bowls on etsy.com that are - shall we say, a bit fetish friendly... I am calling them cum bowls.  Judge for yourself.  This is the actual listing for the bowls.  But I've also included the picture to the left for your own judgement. 

Now I have to say that this seller on etsy - LR Potter - out of Texas isn't too bad.  Her stuff isn't anything spectacular, but it's reasonably priced and not half bad looking.  But did she really not step back and look at this bowls and say... humm doesn't this look a bit odd? 

I just hope those that bought them did so as a joke - if not... I hope they enjoy their cum bowls for years to cum!

How to use the phone, in 9 easy steps!

I grew up in the 80's - a kid was REALLY cool if they had their own phone in their room - or god forbid - their own phone LINE!  These days, all the "kids" have cell phones.  Hell - we ALL have cell phones.  But - do we really know how to use them, especially when it comes to dating?  I have to tell you, I'm not good at it.  Granted, for full disclosure ... I'm not a real fan of the phone.  Although I'm loving the new smart phones.  I don't have to talk on this shit!  It's awesome, instead I can use this thing to get on the internet, email, text, and all that.  And guess what... I don't even have talk on it! 

1) Don't hang up on someone and expect her to call you back.

   No shit!  Seriously!  Only hangup if you want to end the conversation.  If you want to continue it - stay on the phone.  Hanging up on someone is just childish and pointless.  Besides, with a cell phone you cannot make that slamming down sound that we did with old school phones anyway so the whole thing is a moot point

2) If someone doesn't pick up the first 19 times you call, do everyone a favor and leave a message on the 20th try.
Or here is a novel idea - just leave a message on the FIRST call!  If you are anything like me, you don't answer the phone if you don't know the number -- so you are going to rely on those messages anyway (well, that is if you ever get around to listening to them...)  So don't leave people in the dark, I know talking to an answering machine or an answering service or whatever is not the easiest thing to do in the world, but suck it up. 

3) If you text someone on three distinct occasions and she doesn't get back to you on any of them, it's probably time to delete that number.

I guess this is part of the age old question of how many times do you try to contact a person following a date.  And texting is no different!  Of course, this is some advice I need to learn to follow myself... I have to admit I have a slight problem accepting that a person might just be upset with me or not want to talk to me, and I might just want to know why or what I can do or...  Yeah, probably not a good idea.  And texting has just made it a little too easy to contact a person quickly. 

4) If you're in a relationship with someone, even if it's on the bricks, you should respond in a timely manner to voice mails and text messages, unless the leaver of the message has abused you, banged your best bud or in some other way put you through the proverbial ringer.
I'd like to clarify this statement slightly and it is all based on the word "relationship" which can be defined in many ways.  Lets just say, relationship is very broadly defined here - if you have any type of tie with a person - but it romantic or just friendly it is still a relationship of sorts and you should respond in kind following a voicemail or text.  Now, you don't have to follow a voice mail with an actual call -I prefer to answer questions left in voice mail in a quick text or even email.  But the more time elapsed since the original call the more the relationship will suffer. 


5) At the very beginning of a relationship, if you haven't responded to someone's text or voicemail after three tries AND they keep pinging you, you should probably have a "we're not anything to each other" or "your attempts at communication are making me uncomfortable" conversation. See point 4 for established relationships.
I guess 3 is the magic number there (like many places).  And on each side, if you are pinging (email text, voice mail) and have done so three times without reply it's a lost cause (I'm sorry!).  If you have pinged and received no rely then it might be time to move on (I have to keep reminding me of that right now - and I have to say it's NOT an easy thing!)

6) Everyone has drunk-dialed someone / been drunk-dialed and, unless what was said was wildly inflammatory, we should just sweep it under the rug. Also, anything hilarious may be brought up at a later date, with points being scored based upon the casualness with which it is referenced.
Ahh, the drunk dial.  I just so happen to be a master of the drunk dial - or did when I was actually consuming alcohol.  These days I try to be much more careful.  I have old friends that seriously worry about my well being after getting one of those lovely calls from me, and men that I'm sure are thrilled to get that phone call, but a little shocked at what they find. 

7) Don't keep the other person up too late, as sleep is important. Unless you're calling from Afghanistan, or there is some sort of emergency (and yes, frightening loneliness and existential freakouts can count as emergencies), it's probably time to hang up after the other person nods off for the third time.
Yes, this is for the ladies out there... and girls - I'm sorry to tell you this, but sometimes you can just be a wee bit over dramatic.  You don't have to talk to him ALL the time, and you don't have to be all goo-goo-gaa-gaa about who will be the last to say good night.  And lets be honest, tomorrow is promised for most of us - hang up the fucking phone so you can get some sleep - tired people don't function well and get in fights and fights are even WORSE for relationships.

8) A suspected pocket dial is a perfectly valid reason to call someone back and, if they don't pick up, you should leave a message. It can be as simple as, "It was probably a pocket dial, but I thought I'd say 'hola, brah.'"
Like #2, people wonder why the fuck you called them.  So just give them the courtesy of giving them a call (or of course my non-phone lover way - the text) and telling them it was a total accident.

9) Try phone sex if your partner is into it. It can be weird, and you might be paranoid that someone's listening or recording, but if you're separated by hours and miles, trying out a little dirty talk—at least one or two tries—can be rewarding.
It's true, and its SUPER popular!  My blog on Sexting Acronyms has over 100 hits - granted that's for the text and IM variety, but you get my drift.  Phone sex can be just as fun, you just have to get a little bold (full disclosure - I do have a little trouble at it even - as good as I am writing about sex, I can't VOICE it outloud!)  But it's worth a try or two.