So, I cracked up when I saw on the Huffington Post that the list of 11 dog breeds that you need more than a man. So enjoy....
Monday, March 26, 2012
Dogs that make better boyfriends
So, I'm a dog lover (and not in THAT way - thank you very much). It's funny because I never used to be. I grew up with nearly every animal (no reptiles though - I like the furry ones) except a dog. I tell my parents now that I was neglected as a child and it wasn't until I was nearly 25 that I discovered my real love for dogs. In saying that, I think I have now gone a bit overboard as I currently have 250lbs of total dog weight (three dogs). I also think my youngest dog - a male mastiff thinks he really is my boyfriend and in all the positive ways - he snuggles with me, listens to me talk (and doesn't judge) and follows me around like a little puppy dog. If only he could cook and clean, I would have no reason to look for anyone else.
So, I cracked up when I saw on the Huffington Post that the list of 11 dog breeds that you need more than a man. So enjoy....
1. Bernese Mountain Dog (The Lover): Bernese Mountain Dogs might be one of the cutest things ever, as a puppy they are just a little fluff ball. And The Berner is a fiercely local dog that has serious watchdog tendencies. So, in the middle of the night when you hear that bump in the night - you can send out the big dog to look for what it is - bonus you don't even have to get out of bed. And bonus, you have something warm, and cuddly to snuggle up with at night!
2. French Bulldog (The Lounger): Even as puppies, Frenchies are lazy! Bonus for someone who doesn't want to wake their ass up before the break of down and take the dog out for a potty break. The Frenchies are so willing to please that they will do anything for you. And as my experience (just this weekend) shows they just want to snuggle up and make out with you. Yeah, not so great if the dog is literally trying to lick the back of your throat, but it's nice to know they love you do matter what (well, that's when they aren't sleeping!). And bonus - they are so damn cute!
3. Cavalier King Charles Spaniel (The Socializer): So you want a social dog/man? One that is super friendly and eager to please you at every minute. Yup, go for a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel (and yes, I think their name is way too damn long). This dog will get along with everyone - furry and human alike (yes, even your cat!). Hell, this is better than a man already - most often they won't like your friends, your mother, your neighbor.....
4. Boston Terrier (The Gentleman): Did you know that Boston Terrier are known as "The American Gentleman" not because they always look like they are wearing a tux, but because they have superior manners. Bostons are notorious goofy, so not only do they have great house manners, they will keep you laughing. And bonus - he requires little to no maintenance!
5. Golden Retriever (The Golden Boy): Seriously, the Golden Retriever is like the guy you always hear about but are never able to find. The gorgeous, affluent, built man who likes to cook, clean and watch chic flicks. Basically, the golden is the gold standard and has every quality you would look for in a man - intelligence, friendliness, reliability...) And bonus, he's easy to train (if only men were that easy!)
6. Akita (The Well Groomed): Akitas have a bad rep as being mean. They aren't! They are actually very affectionate with their owners (maybe aloof with strangers). But who wants a man "spreading his love around!" The Akita keeps himself in great shape, constantly grooming himself (better than most men anyway!)
7. Saint Bernard (The Protector): Saint Bernard's are protective above all else. He's very patient and won't mind waiting if you take forever to do something. He's also very obedient, no one wants to have to tell someone to do something over and over... and over again (sound familiar) Yup, again, proof that dogs are better than men.
8. Pomeranian (The Looker): While I'm not a huge fan of the toy breeds, the Pom is definitely cute. They are so cute they almost look fake - as if you could put them in with a basket of stuffed toys and you couldn't tell the difference. Think of the Pom as the equivalent to the beautiful model you see in the magazine - with his abs showing - the difference is that Pom's are the real thing and the guy is probably airbrushed.
9. Border Collie (The Energizer): Anyone who has met (or seen) a Border Collie knows that they are nonstop. They have remarkable stamina that can keep them going all day. Sound like a good trait? In many ways it is!
10. Borzoi (The Independent): You know that guy who is independent - you are great together, but he gives you that time by yourself. Ok, maybe you don't KNOW him, but he is your ideal. Tje Borzoi is that man... he is there if you want him, but is also content to stay in the background.
So, I cracked up when I saw on the Huffington Post that the list of 11 dog breeds that you need more than a man. So enjoy....
Saturday, March 24, 2012
Tagxedo...
So, one of my friends just posted a link on facebook to this awesome new site called Tagxedo. On there you can do all kinds of searches, link to websites, or even just put in your own words and get picture of these words... See below for the one created by linking to this blog :) It's pretty telling.
Thursday, March 22, 2012
Your beauty routine could KILL you
Yes, believe it or not, according to Refinery 29.com your beauty routine could lead to your demise. And seriously, what is more embarrassing then being injured seriously by your own vanity (that's if you live to tell the tail). So, take note... and prevent a makeup massacre.
1. Silk Scarves
Leading to her demise, 50 year old ex-danger Isadora Duncan's silk scarf became entangled in the spokes of the car she was in. She was pulled from the car, thrown to the pavement and died instantly. Even worse, the hand-painted Roman Chatov (apparently this is something special) that killed her was a present from her friend that witnessed the accident. As great as those movies look with the top down, a woman's scarf blowing in the wind - don't do it! That shit is dangerous. And what a way to die - an embarrassing way to die.
2. Platform Shoes
Platform shoes are great. Especially if you are short. But one wrong step and your are crumbled on the ground your ankle (or worse) in serious pain. BUT... you aren't a 25 year old teach in Japan ... she died after "falling" off her 5-inch platform sandals and fracturing her skull. Another Japanese woman (what's with Japan and platform shoe deaths??), died in a car crash when here stiletto-clad foot couldn't get to the break in time (This could have been likely to bad reaction time! )
3. Skinny Jeans
One of my all time hated fads - probably because I would never fit my fat ass (or thighs, or hips or calves... ) into them. But, there are serious health risks involved with shimmying on those skinny jeans. Wearing them every day can lead to a condition called meralgia parenthetic (MP) where you develop nerve damage (a constant burning, itching, tingly) on your pelvis and upper thigh. Also, skinny jeans are responsible for bladder infections, yeast infections, (neither one you want!), dermatitis, blood clots and a condition called lipotraphia semicicular where permanent skin depressions appear. Just say no to skinny jeans. Or god forbid, jeggins! ANd boys don't think you are immune - those skinny hipster jeans could lead to all this crap for you too!
4. Over sized Purses
As a lover of a big over sized, over stuffed purse - you'll never know what you'll need, it pains me to tell you that Dr. Jane Sadler (family practice practitioner said that she sees so many women with neck pains and headaches that are the caused from a heavy purse (from 7 to 10 pounds). Sadly, continued use of these big bags can lead to permanent neck, shoulder and back pain.
5. Flip Flops
One of the most loved to be hated "fashion accessory," Flip Flobs are the dream of many and the nightmare of many more. But believe it or not, flip flops are the most dangerous pair of footwear - they can lead to foot fatigue, sore calf muscles and an altered gait which can cause long term ankle and hip problems. As well as they can cause serious tripping injury when they are stepped on or tripped over. Even with all the problems, I will never give up my flip flops!
6. Cheap Jewelry
Apparently, cheap jewelry isn't all that it's cracked up to be (although, I really do beg to differ!). According to The Ecology Center more than half of the jewelry found at stores like Claire's, Forever21, Hot Topic, and Wal-Mart contained high levels of hazardous chemicals over the level which is safe. Maybe this means I'm safe with the massive amount of jewelry I buy at Limited, Ann Taylor and similar stores... right??
7. Wedding Rings
What? That symbol for so much love is actually a danger to yourself? Great, like we need another excuse for guys who don't want to wear their ring. Turns out that you should remove the ring every once in awhile because due to weight fluctuations rings can become suck and cause accidental injuries from bruising and circulatory damage to even loss of a finger. Surgeon Monica Wood, MD said an elderly woman got up on a step to put something on a shelf, the step tipped and when she reached to catch herself on the shelf, her ring got caught and ripped through the issue, lodging itself in one of her joints. Ouch!
8. Keratin Straightening
I actually knew this one! The "Brazilian Blowout" seems like a dream come true for girls like me with wild curly/wavy hair. Going to the salon and you can get a permanent straightening treatment, without having to use your blow dryer, hot iron, AND curling iron every day. Turns out these treatments contain unsafe levels of formaldehyde (yes, the crap that we stored dead frogs in way back when we were dissecting them as kids). Long term exposure to formaldehyde can lead to cancer, eye and nervous system disorders, respiratory tract problems, chest pain, vomiting and rashes. This is all fine and good for those who CHOOSE to get the treatment - but how about those poor people at the salon who have to live in it day in and day out. Yeah, sucks to be you.
9. Expired Beauty Products
We all want to stretch those expensive lotions, creams, powders and gels. But the preservative that companies put in makeup expire and the resulting goo can be filled with germs. So how do you tell? If it looks or smells bad - throw it away. Granted, that's good advice for ANYTHING in your life.
10. Colored Contacts.
Contacts lay directly on your eyeballs - and I mean directly. And eyes are a very sensitive thing (said someone who has had a couple of moderately serious eye injuries and is stuck right now wearing glasses instead of my beloved contacts because of some strange inflammation in my eye). You need to have your contacts fitted correctly and cleaned properly! Without, you can have vision loss and infections.
Leading to her demise, 50 year old ex-danger Isadora Duncan's silk scarf became entangled in the spokes of the car she was in. She was pulled from the car, thrown to the pavement and died instantly. Even worse, the hand-painted Roman Chatov (apparently this is something special) that killed her was a present from her friend that witnessed the accident. As great as those movies look with the top down, a woman's scarf blowing in the wind - don't do it! That shit is dangerous. And what a way to die - an embarrassing way to die.
2. Platform Shoes
Platform shoes are great. Especially if you are short. But one wrong step and your are crumbled on the ground your ankle (or worse) in serious pain. BUT... you aren't a 25 year old teach in Japan ... she died after "falling" off her 5-inch platform sandals and fracturing her skull. Another Japanese woman (what's with Japan and platform shoe deaths??), died in a car crash when here stiletto-clad foot couldn't get to the break in time (This could have been likely to bad reaction time! )
One of my all time hated fads - probably because I would never fit my fat ass (or thighs, or hips or calves... ) into them. But, there are serious health risks involved with shimmying on those skinny jeans. Wearing them every day can lead to a condition called meralgia parenthetic (MP) where you develop nerve damage (a constant burning, itching, tingly) on your pelvis and upper thigh. Also, skinny jeans are responsible for bladder infections, yeast infections, (neither one you want!), dermatitis, blood clots and a condition called lipotraphia semicicular where permanent skin depressions appear. Just say no to skinny jeans. Or god forbid, jeggins! ANd boys don't think you are immune - those skinny hipster jeans could lead to all this crap for you too!
4. Over sized Purses
As a lover of a big over sized, over stuffed purse - you'll never know what you'll need, it pains me to tell you that Dr. Jane Sadler (family practice practitioner said that she sees so many women with neck pains and headaches that are the caused from a heavy purse (from 7 to 10 pounds). Sadly, continued use of these big bags can lead to permanent neck, shoulder and back pain.
One of the most loved to be hated "fashion accessory," Flip Flobs are the dream of many and the nightmare of many more. But believe it or not, flip flops are the most dangerous pair of footwear - they can lead to foot fatigue, sore calf muscles and an altered gait which can cause long term ankle and hip problems. As well as they can cause serious tripping injury when they are stepped on or tripped over. Even with all the problems, I will never give up my flip flops!
6. Cheap Jewelry
Apparently, cheap jewelry isn't all that it's cracked up to be (although, I really do beg to differ!). According to The Ecology Center more than half of the jewelry found at stores like Claire's, Forever21, Hot Topic, and Wal-Mart contained high levels of hazardous chemicals over the level which is safe. Maybe this means I'm safe with the massive amount of jewelry I buy at Limited, Ann Taylor and similar stores... right??
What? That symbol for so much love is actually a danger to yourself? Great, like we need another excuse for guys who don't want to wear their ring. Turns out that you should remove the ring every once in awhile because due to weight fluctuations rings can become suck and cause accidental injuries from bruising and circulatory damage to even loss of a finger. Surgeon Monica Wood, MD said an elderly woman got up on a step to put something on a shelf, the step tipped and when she reached to catch herself on the shelf, her ring got caught and ripped through the issue, lodging itself in one of her joints. Ouch!
8. Keratin Straightening
I actually knew this one! The "Brazilian Blowout" seems like a dream come true for girls like me with wild curly/wavy hair. Going to the salon and you can get a permanent straightening treatment, without having to use your blow dryer, hot iron, AND curling iron every day. Turns out these treatments contain unsafe levels of formaldehyde (yes, the crap that we stored dead frogs in way back when we were dissecting them as kids). Long term exposure to formaldehyde can lead to cancer, eye and nervous system disorders, respiratory tract problems, chest pain, vomiting and rashes. This is all fine and good for those who CHOOSE to get the treatment - but how about those poor people at the salon who have to live in it day in and day out. Yeah, sucks to be you.
We all want to stretch those expensive lotions, creams, powders and gels. But the preservative that companies put in makeup expire and the resulting goo can be filled with germs. So how do you tell? If it looks or smells bad - throw it away. Granted, that's good advice for ANYTHING in your life.
10. Colored Contacts.
Contacts lay directly on your eyeballs - and I mean directly. And eyes are a very sensitive thing (said someone who has had a couple of moderately serious eye injuries and is stuck right now wearing glasses instead of my beloved contacts because of some strange inflammation in my eye). You need to have your contacts fitted correctly and cleaned properly! Without, you can have vision loss and infections.
Dating Myths
Dating is not easy, in fact it's pretty damn difficult (from my perspective). There are so many damn "rules" you have to follow to find the right guy or girl. So when I saw this list of dating myths busted I was pretty excited. Granted, they themed it for St. Patty's day and called it dating "blarney" but I will save you from that crappy word and give you the real deal.
Dating Myth #1: There is no such thing as love at first sight.
Turns out there actually is a thing such as love at first sight (duh, don't you hear those stories all the time. Is saw him from across the room and knew he was the man for me... Granted, how many stories start off with, Yeah, it was a shitty date. What are the odds you will really find love at first sight? 1 in 100, 1 in 1,000, 1 in 1,000,000??). OK, back to the myth. Turns out love at first sight happens more often to men than women. Dr. Helen Fisher an anthropologist (guess she's not like Bones) and author of Why We Love Women says that "Men fall in love instantaneously when they lay eyes n someone attractive because they are so visual" ** I would assume the opposite is true as well. If they see someone unattractive, they are repulsed? Turns out women are biologically programed to not be so visual so they are slower to fall in love.
Dating Myth #2: Men Should always pay for the first date.
Personally, I like the traditional male/female roles. You know - the man pays, the woman pulls out her wallet in a very lame attempt to offer. OK, maybe I'm not that bad, I always offer to pay but bonus if he doesn't take me up on it. And I will have you know, I NEVER go on a date if I can't afford to pay for the entire bill myself - he could up and leave me at the table with the bill (it's happened to me) or he could take me up on my offer to pay! But apparently, according to match.com the person who asks, pays. That makes sense to me. But etiquette expert Gloria Starr says that going dutch (or splitting the bill) is a bad way to begin a new relationship because it sends messages that neither one of you is investing in the bond. So, I guess... I shall never ask for a date then. That way I don't have to pay.
Dating Myth #3: Single women rearrange their schedule to see a guy they like.
Sorry guys, this one falls on you. It's actually more likely that a man will rearrange their schedule to go out with or see a chick they really like. Dr. Fisher (the Bones wanna be above) says that if a man is interested in a woman he is more likely to be the one waiting by the phone or obsessively checking his email ... Yup, at lest now I feel a bit vindicated for the shit I do - you guys are doing it more!
Dating Myth #4: If a guy doesn't immediately show his interest, he doesn't really like you.
OK, I'm on this one. If a guy doesn't show me he likes me - say immediately. You know send me texts, phone calls, email, hell smoke signals I'm totally bummed (yes, I just used that phrase). But guess what - the boys strike again... If a guy genuinely likes you and doesn't want to mess up he's more likely to move slowly. Daima Heyn (what a name) and author of Drama Kings: The men who drive strong women crazy (yup, gonna have to buy that book just for the title alone! "Some of the worst dating disasters I've heard of involve men who dazzle with their insistence that you're the ONE right after they meet you. You feel flattered and thrilled, get intimate, and then he's gone. He only wanted to woo you, not win you." Basically, in no uncertain terms, he just wanted to get in your pants, he didn't really care about anything else. I think we shall call this a ... player.
Dating Myth #5: You should play hard to get to land a man
You know those rules... a woman should never call a man, always pretend she's busy and never say yes to a date that made in advance. Yeah, all these are bullshit. Joni Mantell - a psychotherapist and "love coach" (**WAIT a damn minute, you can get a love coach, I thought that shit was only in the movies... and I thought a life coach was a bit far out there, now a love coach!) Back to Miss. Joni Mantell she says that there are no hard and fast rules to landing a man (duh, I could have told you that) Fake confidence or toughness creates distance and distance is not good for a relationship.
Dating Myth #6: It's always a mistake to date someone at work.
As an experienced "work dater" I will tell you it's not always a mistake! You just have to be smart about it, and that smart means not being a drama queen. Ronna Lichenberg (author of Pitch Like a Girl: How a Woman Can Be Herself and Still Succeed) says that you should set some general ground rules - (1) don't date more than one person in the office, (2) Only go for it when the chemistry is definitely there and (3) watch out for corporate Boss-subordinate dating.
Turns out there actually is a thing such as love at first sight (duh, don't you hear those stories all the time. Is saw him from across the room and knew he was the man for me... Granted, how many stories start off with, Yeah, it was a shitty date. What are the odds you will really find love at first sight? 1 in 100, 1 in 1,000, 1 in 1,000,000??). OK, back to the myth. Turns out love at first sight happens more often to men than women. Dr. Helen Fisher an anthropologist (guess she's not like Bones) and author of Why We Love Women says that "Men fall in love instantaneously when they lay eyes n someone attractive because they are so visual" ** I would assume the opposite is true as well. If they see someone unattractive, they are repulsed? Turns out women are biologically programed to not be so visual so they are slower to fall in love.
Personally, I like the traditional male/female roles. You know - the man pays, the woman pulls out her wallet in a very lame attempt to offer. OK, maybe I'm not that bad, I always offer to pay but bonus if he doesn't take me up on it. And I will have you know, I NEVER go on a date if I can't afford to pay for the entire bill myself - he could up and leave me at the table with the bill (it's happened to me) or he could take me up on my offer to pay! But apparently, according to match.com the person who asks, pays. That makes sense to me. But etiquette expert Gloria Starr says that going dutch (or splitting the bill) is a bad way to begin a new relationship because it sends messages that neither one of you is investing in the bond. So, I guess... I shall never ask for a date then. That way I don't have to pay.
Dating Myth #3: Single women rearrange their schedule to see a guy they like.
Sorry guys, this one falls on you. It's actually more likely that a man will rearrange their schedule to go out with or see a chick they really like. Dr. Fisher (the Bones wanna be above) says that if a man is interested in a woman he is more likely to be the one waiting by the phone or obsessively checking his email ... Yup, at lest now I feel a bit vindicated for the shit I do - you guys are doing it more!
OK, I'm on this one. If a guy doesn't show me he likes me - say immediately. You know send me texts, phone calls, email, hell smoke signals I'm totally bummed (yes, I just used that phrase). But guess what - the boys strike again... If a guy genuinely likes you and doesn't want to mess up he's more likely to move slowly. Daima Heyn (what a name) and author of Drama Kings: The men who drive strong women crazy (yup, gonna have to buy that book just for the title alone! "Some of the worst dating disasters I've heard of involve men who dazzle with their insistence that you're the ONE right after they meet you. You feel flattered and thrilled, get intimate, and then he's gone. He only wanted to woo you, not win you." Basically, in no uncertain terms, he just wanted to get in your pants, he didn't really care about anything else. I think we shall call this a ... player.
You know those rules... a woman should never call a man, always pretend she's busy and never say yes to a date that made in advance. Yeah, all these are bullshit. Joni Mantell - a psychotherapist and "love coach" (**WAIT a damn minute, you can get a love coach, I thought that shit was only in the movies... and I thought a life coach was a bit far out there, now a love coach!) Back to Miss. Joni Mantell she says that there are no hard and fast rules to landing a man (duh, I could have told you that) Fake confidence or toughness creates distance and distance is not good for a relationship.
As an experienced "work dater" I will tell you it's not always a mistake! You just have to be smart about it, and that smart means not being a drama queen. Ronna Lichenberg (author of Pitch Like a Girl: How a Woman Can Be Herself and Still Succeed) says that you should set some general ground rules - (1) don't date more than one person in the office, (2) Only go for it when the chemistry is definitely there and (3) watch out for corporate Boss-subordinate dating.
Monday, March 19, 2012
30 Places to Do it Before you die
I've heard a time or two that the same old routine sex can get boring. You know the type, in the bed, lights off before bed. Well, damn it... sex should be fun (and adventurous!). So when I found this list of 30 places to have sex before you die, I had to share.
I have to admit that most of these are unknown to me (as of now) but I want to explore them!
1. The Zoo (I guess you run off and hide behind the monkey cage?)
2. Behind a waterfall (Seriously romantic, and personally I have a love of water being drizzled down on me, and this sounds awesome)
3. Work Utility Closet (Bonus if you are fooling around with someone at work and you sneak away to do it in the closet!)
4. Ladies Lounge at Radio City Music Hall (I have no idea where this came from - but if you know = let me know)
5. In the woods (on a hike?)
6. Police Mobile Unit (Like after you get arrested? Not sure this one is the best idea)
7. Kitchen Heck yeah, there are so many places to explore!
8. On your desk at work (LOVE this idea. Totally great to day dream during a bad work day the things that happened here before)
9. Public Transportation - bus, subway, taxi, water taxi, ferry, trolley (maybe on one that isn't so busy. And while I have personally not experienced it, I know a hell of a lot of people who have had sex in a taxi or limo)
10. On the floor (ok. ok. Hard surface)
11. On a grand piano (a la Pretty Woman). (just the random nosies coming from the piano are enough!)
12. On a roof (Under the stars? Above everyone else, that's awesome)
13. Playground (when kids arn't around) maybe on a swing?
14. On a boat (If this boat is a rocking, don't come knocking!)
15. Golf Course at Night (at least the greens are soft!)
116, In a room with mirrors (your own personal porno staring - YOU)
17. In an airplane restroom (Mile High Club Baby!)
18. On the beach (as long as you have a towel or blanket down - no one wants sand in those special areas)
19. On a bear skin rug (Bonus: in front of the fireplace) I have a thing for sex in front of the fireplace - not that I've done it - but it sounds romantic
20. In a tent (camping - sounds nice)
21. In your childhood bedroom (too bad mine is not around anymore!)
22. In a body of water (I have done this, and I can't say it was the best - granted, that very well could have been the lousy partner)
24. In a department store dressing room (Bonus for Victoria's Secret - granted, I wonder how many people have already done that!)
25. On the hood of a car (as long as it's not hot!)
26. On a staircase (This seems really uncomfortable to me. But maybe I'm just thinking of the wrong position)
27. On the top of a washing machind while it's running (more vibrations is always good)
28. Bar Bathroom (Serious drunken, must have you NOW sex.)
29. In your parents bed (Really not sure about this one!!!)
30. In a field at sunset (Very romantical)
I have to admit that most of these are unknown to me (as of now) but I want to explore them!
1. The Zoo (I guess you run off and hide behind the monkey cage?)
2. Behind a waterfall (Seriously romantic, and personally I have a love of water being drizzled down on me, and this sounds awesome)
3. Work Utility Closet (Bonus if you are fooling around with someone at work and you sneak away to do it in the closet!)
4. Ladies Lounge at Radio City Music Hall (I have no idea where this came from - but if you know = let me know)
5. In the woods (on a hike?)
6. Police Mobile Unit (Like after you get arrested? Not sure this one is the best idea)
7. Kitchen Heck yeah, there are so many places to explore!
8. On your desk at work (LOVE this idea. Totally great to day dream during a bad work day the things that happened here before)
9. Public Transportation - bus, subway, taxi, water taxi, ferry, trolley (maybe on one that isn't so busy. And while I have personally not experienced it, I know a hell of a lot of people who have had sex in a taxi or limo)
10. On the floor (ok. ok. Hard surface)
11. On a grand piano (a la Pretty Woman). (just the random nosies coming from the piano are enough!)
12. On a roof (Under the stars? Above everyone else, that's awesome)
13. Playground (when kids arn't around) maybe on a swing?
14. On a boat (If this boat is a rocking, don't come knocking!)
15. Golf Course at Night (at least the greens are soft!)
116, In a room with mirrors (your own personal porno staring - YOU)
17. In an airplane restroom (Mile High Club Baby!)
18. On the beach (as long as you have a towel or blanket down - no one wants sand in those special areas)
19. On a bear skin rug (Bonus: in front of the fireplace) I have a thing for sex in front of the fireplace - not that I've done it - but it sounds romantic
20. In a tent (camping - sounds nice)
21. In your childhood bedroom (too bad mine is not around anymore!)
22. In a body of water (I have done this, and I can't say it was the best - granted, that very well could have been the lousy partner)
24. In a department store dressing room (Bonus for Victoria's Secret - granted, I wonder how many people have already done that!)
25. On the hood of a car (as long as it's not hot!)
26. On a staircase (This seems really uncomfortable to me. But maybe I'm just thinking of the wrong position)
27. On the top of a washing machind while it's running (more vibrations is always good)
28. Bar Bathroom (Serious drunken, must have you NOW sex.)
29. In your parents bed (Really not sure about this one!!!)
30. In a field at sunset (Very romantical)
Thursday, March 15, 2012
Personals Ad Picture Don't!
Even MORE negative points if you are "showing" off a tattoo that is obviously not completed. Really buddy. This is not attractive.
But on the positive side, at least the tattoo hasn't been drawn around the fat folds!
Monday, March 12, 2012
Fractured Phallus
Only during a serious erection can one (of course - a man) have this breaking problem. We aren't talking Lorenna Bobbet chopping the thing clear off, but instead a serious injury to a man's most manly parts and during a time he is particularly vulnerable.
So... as you know when a man gets an erection his penis becomes hard. This is because a large amount of blood has been rushed to the penile structure (I'm trying to be clinical here for a second - forgive me!) and the penile structure becomes engorged with blood.
How the hell can this happen? I've had some very vigorous sex in my day -- but never fractured someone's cock (that I know of - but I'm sure you'd seriously know!) A cock can break with serious aggressive or acrobatic sex or even in some cases aggressive masturbation (seriously, is a guy going to admit he broke his own penis with aggressive masturbation?!?)
I will spare you the pictures, but if this happens to you or your man - get it checked IMMEDIATELY. Besides the obvious lack of erection (for his lifetime), the penis fracture can lead to some serious grotesque deformations of the cock.
Enjoy sex. :)
Friday, March 9, 2012
Random Facts about American Singles #1
So, Glamour magazine and Match.com surveyed 8,000 singles in the 10 most populous (their word, not mine - it's pretty high flauntent) cities and 10 most populous states. These are some of the facts they found.
- 24% of the women in Georgia get a Brazilian wax before a big date - the largest percentage in the nation.
- More men in California (40.2%) met their last date through friends than in any other state.
- 85.7% of men in Pennsylvania live with their girl before marrying her (although, I highly doubt the Amish are in that 85.7%!)
- Alaska has the greatest number of eligible men per women, these "available" guys usually are the type with high testosterone, rugged, and possibly aggressive - not exactly the best combination.
- The men and women in Texas tend to be much more traditional and 26% of the men surveyed would not move in with even the "right girl" before marriage
- 40% of women in Georgia expect to spend nothing on a date. I would assume they aren't going on free dates, but rather these women expect the men to pay!
- Washington, DC is the only "state" to have more young single women (53%) than women (47%) - yeah, lucky me.
- One in four women in Ohio did the asking for their last date. Go Ladies!
- One in eight Boston men expect sex on the first date. No fooling around there.
- 14% of NYC men spend less than 5 minutes getting ready for a date (god, I hope that doesn't include the shower as well!) 24% of men in Illinois don't spend a minute getting ready.
- 86.7% of the women in Washington, DC are happy with their dating lives (umm, who are these women, because 86.7% of the single women I know aren't happy with their dating lives!). Philadelphia is number two - 83% of their women are happy with their dating lives. Those Bostonian women are least happy with their dating lives - probably because all those men just want sex on the first date!
- 39%, The good men of California will call or text on their way home from a date to say they had a good time
- More men in California (40.2%) met their last date through friends than in any other state.
- 85.7% of men in Pennsylvania live with their girl before marrying her (although, I highly doubt the Amish are in that 85.7%!)
- Alaska has the greatest number of eligible men per women, these "available" guys usually are the type with high testosterone, rugged, and possibly aggressive - not exactly the best combination.
- The men and women in Texas tend to be much more traditional and 26% of the men surveyed would not move in with even the "right girl" before marriage
- 40% of women in Georgia expect to spend nothing on a date. I would assume they aren't going on free dates, but rather these women expect the men to pay!
- Washington, DC is the only "state" to have more young single women (53%) than women (47%) - yeah, lucky me.
- One in eight Boston men expect sex on the first date. No fooling around there.
- 14% of NYC men spend less than 5 minutes getting ready for a date (god, I hope that doesn't include the shower as well!) 24% of men in Illinois don't spend a minute getting ready.
- 86.7% of the women in Washington, DC are happy with their dating lives (umm, who are these women, because 86.7% of the single women I know aren't happy with their dating lives!). Philadelphia is number two - 83% of their women are happy with their dating lives. Those Bostonian women are least happy with their dating lives - probably because all those men just want sex on the first date!
- Women in California spend more money primping for dates than any others. 12.7% of the women spend $50 plus primping. Women in Ohio spend the least amount primping. 78.8% of the women spend less than $25. Granted, I don't know what counts as "primping money"
The Breakup Bill of Rights
Breaking up sucks. There is no way around it. It's not any easier for the dumped or the dumpee. But breaking up shouldn't be a no holds barred type of affair. There are rules here. We might not know them off hand, but you should.
So here goes.
As the dumpee, you have the right...
- To be broken up with in person - not on the phone, by email, or by text. (Yes, breaking up may be easier when it's not face to face - but it's sure not fair to the other person. Buck up and do it the right way.)
- To pamper yourself. (Breaking up is hard, and it's hard on your whole psyche - take the time to heal and do good for yourself - whatever makes you feel better)
- To completely reject any weird stuff he/she throws at you. (Yup, they could tell you that you suck in bed or that they never loved you in the first place. It's BS, and take it as such)
- To use any means necessary for closure. If that means throwing out the presents he gave you and the menus you used to order from, so be it (You can't move on - correctly - without closure, seek it - no matter how difficult it might be)
- To blow off "Let's still be friends" overtures that are more about his/her guilt than your happiness. (We all know it's extremely difficult to make that transition from lovers to friends, it may work in time - but who knows. Don't be pulled into a situation that is not good for you!)
- To avoid him./her until you are totally over it. Once you are, you have the right to show up everywhere looking ridiculously hot. (Avoidance is always the best policy in my book. There are too many things - a slight wiff of the smell that is only his, or shirt that makes her boobs look amazing that can remind you of the better times. Avoid it until you are fully "healed" and able to handle those little things."
- To wait before you "get back out there" again. You may be tempted or pressured to distract yourself by dating, but wait until you are ready, not others. (for god's sake, don't pull some unsuspecting innocent person in just to heal your own pain - do it on your own, it's not fair to the "new partner")
As the dumper, you have the right...
- To let him/her down easy if only for simplicity's sake or to feel better -- even smug --about it. (You don't owe them a huge long explanation of all your thoughts, feelings and emotions coming up to deciding to break up - the simplest, easiest solution is best. - Yo, it's not working out.)
- To refuse to become his/her therapist. (You are broken up, caput, donzo, you don't need to serve as therapist and listen to their feelings - that's for a professional - or their next partner!)
- To set boundaries. (You can block their emails, text, phone calls, and even smoke signals. You don't need to "meet up" just one last time.)
- To reverse your opinion on formerly sacred subjects. You may now acknowledge that his/her sense of style was dubious even if you used to defend it. (You know those "nice" things you do or say just because you are in a relationship - yup you can totally be "not" nice now!)
- To move on and be happy - no regrets. (If it's not working out, it's not working out. As the one doing the dumping you don't have to feel guilty about wanting what's best for you - and then going out and finding it!)
So here goes.
The Breakup Bill of Rights
- To be broken up with in person - not on the phone, by email, or by text. (Yes, breaking up may be easier when it's not face to face - but it's sure not fair to the other person. Buck up and do it the right way.)
- To pamper yourself. (Breaking up is hard, and it's hard on your whole psyche - take the time to heal and do good for yourself - whatever makes you feel better)
- To completely reject any weird stuff he/she throws at you. (Yup, they could tell you that you suck in bed or that they never loved you in the first place. It's BS, and take it as such)
- To use any means necessary for closure. If that means throwing out the presents he gave you and the menus you used to order from, so be it (You can't move on - correctly - without closure, seek it - no matter how difficult it might be)
- To blow off "Let's still be friends" overtures that are more about his/her guilt than your happiness. (We all know it's extremely difficult to make that transition from lovers to friends, it may work in time - but who knows. Don't be pulled into a situation that is not good for you!)
- To avoid him./her until you are totally over it. Once you are, you have the right to show up everywhere looking ridiculously hot. (Avoidance is always the best policy in my book. There are too many things - a slight wiff of the smell that is only his, or shirt that makes her boobs look amazing that can remind you of the better times. Avoid it until you are fully "healed" and able to handle those little things."
- To wait before you "get back out there" again. You may be tempted or pressured to distract yourself by dating, but wait until you are ready, not others. (for god's sake, don't pull some unsuspecting innocent person in just to heal your own pain - do it on your own, it's not fair to the "new partner")
- To let him/her down easy if only for simplicity's sake or to feel better -- even smug --about it. (You don't owe them a huge long explanation of all your thoughts, feelings and emotions coming up to deciding to break up - the simplest, easiest solution is best. - Yo, it's not working out.)
- To refuse to become his/her therapist. (You are broken up, caput, donzo, you don't need to serve as therapist and listen to their feelings - that's for a professional - or their next partner!)
- To set boundaries. (You can block their emails, text, phone calls, and even smoke signals. You don't need to "meet up" just one last time.)
- To reverse your opinion on formerly sacred subjects. You may now acknowledge that his/her sense of style was dubious even if you used to defend it. (You know those "nice" things you do or say just because you are in a relationship - yup you can totally be "not" nice now!)
- To move on and be happy - no regrets. (If it's not working out, it's not working out. As the one doing the dumping you don't have to feel guilty about wanting what's best for you - and then going out and finding it!)
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
10 Commandments of Casual Sex
We've all done it. Yes, casual sex. It happens. But you need to be prepared and not break the 10 Commandments of Casual Sex. Otherwise you'll be in a world of hurt. You know the type, getting emotionally involved with there were no emotions (just fucking) to start with. The kicking your self in the ass (figuratively, if you could do that literally you probably would be having a whole lot of casual sex!). You know, just in general getting mad at yourself - but it doesn't have to be the case!
Follow the following 10 Commandments, and even YOU can have casual sex (and make it work).
1. Booty not Brains
It's important to remember that this is CASUAL and such you really need little in common with the person in question other than pure sexual chemistry. He or she can be a 10 or a 5 - but as long as they turn you on it doesn't matter. Find yourself attracted to more than his/her physical being could find yourself in trouble - you are going to develop feelings and feelings are NOT associated with casual relations.
2. Best Friend, DO NOT even think about it.
You really should know this by now. Best Friends make bad casual relationships. By it's very definition you are not casual if you are friends. There is an intertwining of physical, friendship, and emotional in this situation and can only lead to a very awkward situation if it ends. Basically, if you are sleeping with your best friend you are in a relationship, it's not casual.
3. Know your Motives
The one and only reason you should have casual sex is because you basically want to get laid. You want to enjoy the pure and unencumbered feeling of sex. Do not look to casual sex as a way to get back at a past boyfriend/girlfriend or something else. That's just skanky. Know what you want and get it, and damn it don't feel bad about doing it (something I can definitely say, but don't always follow my own rule). And definitely don't start sleeping with someone causally and be thinking that you want a relationship with him - it's not going to work out (again, I'm an offender here, do as I say, not as I do!)
4. Orgasms Only
Cuddling = emotional attachment. Yes, you probably should adopt the philosophy "Wham bam and thank you ma'am (or sir)" and then show them the door. That coital cuddling following the huge release of tension just builds an emotional attachment - what you really want to avoid when you are going the casual route.
5. Don't introduce him/her to friends.
Don't integrate this man/woman into your life outside of your bed (or kitchen table, or shower, or etc - you get what I'm talking about!). Adding additional ways to "bond" are a no-no.
6. Be naked 97% of the time
When you are together there should be just one purpose - getting it in. Hell, if this is to be casual and no strings attached, it shouldn't matter if you are wearing sweatpants when you first see each other. Those pants/shirts should be off within minutes anyway. You don't need to be all theatrical - it's all about getting it in, getting it done, and feeling the release.
7. Don't be selfish
Don't use someone for sex. This should be a general rule for everything. You don't want the other person to feel cheap. Usually, the man is the one who could be using you (maybe I just say this from experience) but no woman just wants to be a pin cushion. Get yours and give them theres. Then move on.
8. Thou shall get freaky
A casual sex "relationship" is the perfect time to explore those freaky thoughts. You know those fetishes you wouldn't want anyone you know to actually know about. Explore your sexual side, no matter how weird it is. If it gets too strange, it's easy - just move on to a new conquest who will play with you no matter what the game is.
9. Wrap it up.
For god's sake. NEVER ever have unprotected sex with a casual partner. By no means is your "relationship" exclusive and you should assume that your partner (as well as you) is fucking around with someone else. Don't put yourself in unnecessary danger -- that's just stupid.
10. Straightforward, Direct Communication
As in any encounter with another human - communication is key. If you meet someone else who fulfills your emotional tank, tell him/her. Full disclosure is paramount so no one gets hurt (and yes, emotions can be tricky!)
Follow the following 10 Commandments, and even YOU can have casual sex (and make it work).
It's important to remember that this is CASUAL and such you really need little in common with the person in question other than pure sexual chemistry. He or she can be a 10 or a 5 - but as long as they turn you on it doesn't matter. Find yourself attracted to more than his/her physical being could find yourself in trouble - you are going to develop feelings and feelings are NOT associated with casual relations.
2. Best Friend, DO NOT even think about it.
You really should know this by now. Best Friends make bad casual relationships. By it's very definition you are not casual if you are friends. There is an intertwining of physical, friendship, and emotional in this situation and can only lead to a very awkward situation if it ends. Basically, if you are sleeping with your best friend you are in a relationship, it's not casual.
3. Know your Motives
The one and only reason you should have casual sex is because you basically want to get laid. You want to enjoy the pure and unencumbered feeling of sex. Do not look to casual sex as a way to get back at a past boyfriend/girlfriend or something else. That's just skanky. Know what you want and get it, and damn it don't feel bad about doing it (something I can definitely say, but don't always follow my own rule). And definitely don't start sleeping with someone causally and be thinking that you want a relationship with him - it's not going to work out (again, I'm an offender here, do as I say, not as I do!)
Cuddling = emotional attachment. Yes, you probably should adopt the philosophy "Wham bam and thank you ma'am (or sir)" and then show them the door. That coital cuddling following the huge release of tension just builds an emotional attachment - what you really want to avoid when you are going the casual route.
5. Don't introduce him/her to friends.
Don't integrate this man/woman into your life outside of your bed (or kitchen table, or shower, or etc - you get what I'm talking about!). Adding additional ways to "bond" are a no-no.
6. Be naked 97% of the time
When you are together there should be just one purpose - getting it in. Hell, if this is to be casual and no strings attached, it shouldn't matter if you are wearing sweatpants when you first see each other. Those pants/shirts should be off within minutes anyway. You don't need to be all theatrical - it's all about getting it in, getting it done, and feeling the release.
7. Don't be selfish
Don't use someone for sex. This should be a general rule for everything. You don't want the other person to feel cheap. Usually, the man is the one who could be using you (maybe I just say this from experience) but no woman just wants to be a pin cushion. Get yours and give them theres. Then move on.
A casual sex "relationship" is the perfect time to explore those freaky thoughts. You know those fetishes you wouldn't want anyone you know to actually know about. Explore your sexual side, no matter how weird it is. If it gets too strange, it's easy - just move on to a new conquest who will play with you no matter what the game is.
9. Wrap it up.
For god's sake. NEVER ever have unprotected sex with a casual partner. By no means is your "relationship" exclusive and you should assume that your partner (as well as you) is fucking around with someone else. Don't put yourself in unnecessary danger -- that's just stupid.
10. Straightforward, Direct Communication
As in any encounter with another human - communication is key. If you meet someone else who fulfills your emotional tank, tell him/her. Full disclosure is paramount so no one gets hurt (and yes, emotions can be tricky!)
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