Extreme cougar?

Miss Hattie Weiner (real name), cougar extraordinaire

So. I'm watching a show on TLC called extreme cougars. I would like to note that it's probably a sign that you shouldn't date someone when they previously dated your daughter!!!! A 30+ age difference is not acceptable (well unless you ate just looking for a straight sugar daddy/mommy and not love)

Thank you and good night

And quote by Hattie age 76. "I ALWAYS have sex on the first date."

***** note: I think I have seen Miss Hattie on multiple shows about cougars, she must be REALLY into it."  *****

Wanna date a Farmer?

File this one under there is a dating site for everything!  I was watching tv tonight and across my screen flashed a new commercial I had never seen before... for Farmers Only.com. 

What is it you ask?  It's a dating site for farmers only (duh!).  The site claims that "City Folks just don't get it" (which is a motto they have TRADEMARKED!), so a site needed to be developed so those down home country folks can find each other. 

Farmer's Only claims that meeting your intended while working on the farm all day is very difficult (I don't know - I've heard about way too many people that are way too interested in animals, if you get my drift.  (On that note, I will share that I once had a guy ask me if I was interested in having sex with my dog - yes you read that right... sex with my dog!)

So what is farmer's only claim?  (you know eharmony has their 32 variables of compatibility or something, adult friend finder hooks you up with sex partners, Ashley Madison caters to those who want to cheat..)  Farmer's only claims to match you with your best partner based on the animals you breed or raise (alpacas, horses, cattle, chickens, dogs, goats, rabbits, sheep), what kind of crops you grow and if you are organic or not. 
It all reminds me of one of my favorite reality shows from the early days of reality shows... Farmer Wants a Wife.  You remember that one?  It was back when reality shows were outrageous, but just because they were outrageous.  And especially on Fox, remember Amish in the City or Paradise Island?  Wow, I do miss those days... someone bring those really trashy reality shows back!

Lochte Hardcore

So... I must admit, I have a serious thing for Ryan Lochte.  And it's not just about that BODY, but really... could you blame me?  I have a thing for the all American good looks and that cocky attitude.

But... I digress... 

Every time I see an advertisement for his workout video, Lochte Hardcore, I can't help but think dirty dirty things. 

That's it.  I just wanted to let you know.  Have a good day. 

Incoqnito Sex-cessories

So... there is something very sexy about having a secret, something sexy that you know and few other people do.  For instance, wearing sexy lingerie, or remember a totally innocuous place that you did the dirty (think in the office or the dining room table), and imagine my surprise when I came across a collection of sex accessories (which shall now be known as sex-seccories) that can be worn as jewelry or other accessories! 

The brand, appropriately called incognito was advertised today (14 November) on fab.com.  So if you like any of these, go check them out!  It's really sexy to be wearing something you are going to use later - if you catch my drift...

Blade Necklace: Make a bold statement with this daring blade sculpted from hand cut glass for use as an instrument for sensation. Available in 2 colors.  Material: hand cut glass blade, metal alloy, electroplating, Necklace 18” chain

 

 

Razor: Razor contains two of the most popular instruments for sensation - a claw and pinwheel. These tools can be used separately to create a variety of sensations depending on the pressure applied, or together for a more intense feeling. Wrist lanyard is included Material: Stainless steel handle, base metal, electroplating
. Product dimensions: 88 x 30 x 14 mm ( 3.4” x 1.2” x 0.55”), Claw length: 10mm (0.40”), Pinwheel diameter: 16mm (0.63”)

 

 

Droplet Necklace: A pair of discreet nipple vibrators on a 43” stainless steel chain fashioned from fine metals allows for the ultimate lustful experience. Available in 2 colors. Material: 1.7” x.4” (43mm x 11mm) pendant, Leather loop, 43” stainless steel chain, LR48 batteries included.

 

 

Leather Handcuffs: Stylish cuff bracelets crafted from fine leather double as handcuffs for a dose of risqué fun. Available in 2 leather colors. Material: Genuine leather, stainless steel chain

 

      Necktie: A sexy neck accessory that can also be used as an adjustable leash for sensual control of your partner. Material: Base metal, electroplating, Fabric: 85% Polyester blend, 15% Rayon, Product dimensions: 620 x 51 x 26 mm (24”x 2”x 1”)  Care: Dry Clean Only

Lash Belt: An adjustable belt that transforms in to a sexy whip. Fits hip sizes from 72cm to 133cm (28” to 52”), Material: Base metal handle, leather strap, electroplating


 

 

Lambskin Tassel: Hidden underneath your everyday wear, these lambskin tassels are your own stealthy secret. Special Note: These tassels may not suit all nipple types. Most suitable for larger nipples.Material: Lambskin leather with rose gold plating

 

 

Smoke C-Ring: Adjustable C-ring is worn on the shaft of the penis during intercourse. Smoke is an innovative adjustable C-ring made of smoky quartz beads chained around a firm elastic band. It is designed to be worn on the base of the penis. The beads are 12-14mm in diameter can accommodate girths of all sizes. When worn properly the ring should slightly increase the size of the penis and intensify sensation. Wearing C-ring for more than 20 minutes is not recommended. Material: Smoky Quartz, Product dimensions: 190 x 14 x 14 mm ( 7.25” x 0.55” x 0.55”)

Voting Hookups?

Ahh, Craig's List, you don't disappoint.  How I love you so.  It's Election Day and what would you expect but young men and women everywhere trying to hookup while standing in those long lines.  And for those who aren't bold enough to ask directly, there is always Craig's List's Missed Connections.

The Washingtonian gathered these Missed Connections posted today already.  Good luck to all those voters out there!  You will need someone to drunk hook up with after your Election Night Drinking Game. 

If anyone else finds any Election Day Missed Connections, post them in the comments!

** grammatical, spelling and other errors are not mine, but the posters! **

Gray Fur Trimmed Coat & Fishnets - m4w (Alexandria)
gorgeous. well dressed. mature.
wearing a gray coat with fur trim.
fishnets, heels
very pretty
shaded glasses
we rode the elevator together.
i asked you if you voted.
i’d vote for you anyday. :)
hope you see this -- 7th floor? i think.


You’re from OK, I’m from CA - m4w - 31 (Adams Morgan Polling Place)
I met you in line for voting at the Adams Morgan polling place. We chatted for a while about where we’re from. You’re from Norman, Oklahoma and I’m from Los Angeles, California. You have a really amazing dimple high on your right cheek. I would have asked for your number but the polling guy made me stand in a separate line.



Handsome Blue eyed Arlington Forest voter passed on the street - m4m (On the way to Culpepper voting)
Around 9:30 A.M. This morning . Passed a handsome guy this morning with blue eyes. Exchanged a brief bit about the time it took for him to vote. As we walked our opposite directions we both looked back. But, I sure would like to meet up with you again and have a chance to talk some more. You must live in my same area ~ So, I am taking a chance in hopes to connect. If this is you , I would like to buy you a drink . Please respond to this ad. Thanks!



rocking the vote in pink pants - m4w - 29 (capitol hill)
We didn’t really chat, so there’s probably no connection to miss per se, but I do appreciate your smiling efforts to get me to the proper location to cast my vote, even though you were behind me in line. I would be more than happy to buy you a drink if you want pay back for helping me out.
I hope your experience went well and your guy wins. Unless your guy is a terrible human being, but I’m going to assume you don’t support turrible people. Oh and for the record, you were the one in pink pants, not me.



Pretty blue eyed voter - m4w - 48 (Ashburn)
You passed me as I was standing at the exit talking to a friend. We caught each other’s eye. I saw you leave in a large SUV. Drop me a line. Tell me something you noticed about me so I know its you. Lets meet up and talk.



Leesburg Obama Girl- Starbucks - m4w - 40 (Leesburg)
Very pretty petite Obama supporter at Leesburg Starbucks this morning. You changed your hair during the course of the morning. We had our backs to each other bit exchanged smiles several times. Would love to get you alone! Very hot. :-)


Chatting in line before voting - m4w - 47 (Reston, VA)
Enjoyed chatting with you in line today. Looked for you after voting but didn't see you. Stay in touch?


Pretty Voter at Walker-Jones Elementary School - m4w - 29 (Mt. Vernonr Sq.)
We were both in the same ridiculously long line to vote today at Walker-Jones EC on New Jersey Ave. You have brown hair, wore a reddish-orange long sleeve sweater-shirt, black skirt, and gray flats. You were with a friend that looked like Yoko Ono in a white winter coat and some tall gangly blond guy reading a book about Yom Kippur and wearing iphone headphones. It was miserable standing in that gymnasium but the only ray of light for me was occasionally glancing over in your direction. I doubt you'll ever read this, but if you do, i think we should go to Mandu and eat some Korean food and have a few drinks (I'm not Korean, I just love dumplings).

Need a drink? Tonight is DC's Super Bowl

I live in a city that is obsessed with politics - OBSESSED!  Honestly, I'm not a politico myself.  I avoid conversations about politics - not because I'm uninformed or don't care... but because I don't like confrontation, and in DC politics are so polarized that arguments are everywhere. 

BUT... people everywhere view tonight's election results as the best event in years (well, in four years exactly)  So for those people (and I know you are out there), here is a collection of ways you can celebrate tonight (and get totally drunk in the process).... and here you go, a collection of 2012 Election Drinking Games.

Debate Drinking (http://www.debatedrinking.com/)
Rules for Election Party
Drinking Game
Whether you get your results from CNN, Fox News, MSNBC, C-SPAN or one of the broadcast networks, take a drink* every time someone on screen says anything on the following list:

• Ground Game
• Firewall
• Sandy
• Photo ID
• Recount
• Youth Vote
• Enthusiasm
• The Name of a Third Party Candidate (Gary Johnson, Jill Stein,Virgil Goode, Rocky Anderson)
• Ohio
• Reagan

Stock up on your favorite beverages, follow us on Twitter and check back here on Tuesday to drink along with us! We will be drinking to a different network each hour (based on your votes below) and keeping score on our exclusive, real-time, drink-totaling scoreboard.
Drinking starts Tuesday, November 6, at 7:00pm Eastern
*Because this may be a high scoring game, we define a drink as a gulp of beer or sip of wine or liquor. Know your limits and please drink responsibly.

The George Washington Hatchet
Over the past several months, the two presidential candidates have carefully crafted their messages to reach the “average American.” So why not spend Election Night doing what the average American does on a Tuesday? Sit on the couch, watch TV and drink. Grab your favorite adult beverage, turn on your favorite cable news channel and enjoy the Bar Bro’s 2012 Election Night Drinking Game.

• Drink if someone manipulates a giant touch-screen map.
• Drink if you see a hologram. Drink again if someone is talking to it.
• Drink for any sighting of a panel of undecided voters.
• Any time there is a split screen, drink for as many seconds as there are pundits onscreen.
• Drink when the anchor awkwardly stalls for time. I’m looking at you, Wolf Blitzer.
• Drink any time an election in your home state comes up on the crawl.
• Drink any time an election is “still too close to call.”
• Drink for any election result where a candidate gets more than 70 percent of the vote.
• Drink any time “exit polls are showing” something.
• Drink when an anchor or pundit is visibly bummed out about election results.
• Take your friend’s drink if he or she is visibly bummed out about election results.
• Finish your drink when results are official in your home state.
• Finish your drink when one of the presidential candidates wins Ohio. It’s the only state that really counts.
• Finish your drink if someone you voted for wins.
• Finish your drink and take a shot if your candidate loses. It’s going to be a long four years.

As always, the Bar Bro urges you to drink responsibly. Don't be classless. Just low-class.

Cyber Sex: Sex Moves that you can learn from the internet

When you think of cyber sex, I'm sure you think of talking dirty through an internet chat room (ouch, I think I'm showing my age - most cyber sex probably happens via instant messaging these days).  Of course, this reminds me of my early technology days.... back when Prodigy was the way to connect to this magical place called the world wide web.  I remember getting one of these new computers with the fancy Prodigy CD, and a friend and I had the best time dialing up to this crazy place and talking to random people (granted, we were in middle school and it was pretty tame)... then my dad got the bill for all the time on Prodigy and the phone cost.  OUCH.  OUCH. OUCH.  It was by god's grace that I didnt' get grounded for years. 

OK, back to the Cyber Sex thing.  I hope you enjoy my random tirades.... because they aren't going away.  So, there is a lot that one can learn about sex from the internet... and I'm not just talking about porn sites - see these moves from the frisky and college humor.  Bonus points if you can come up with any more.

Dating Tips from Horror Films

So, I hate horror films.  I don't like to really be scared at all.  In high school I watched the movie Seven and I couldn't sleep well for days.  Call me a wimp if you will, but horror movies aren't my thing.  Give me blood and gore and action any day! 

BUT.... I know hundreds of people out there love horror films, and that's awesome... for you.  But did you know that horror films have great dating tips?  Read the tips below from eharmony.  Forget the source (I'm not a fan of eharmony either) - but the tips are fun

1. Dating Do: Behave yourself. It’s a general rule that good girls survive. Act accordingly.

2. Dating Don’t: Get drunk. Drunk characters end up playing the fools and victims in horror flicks. You don’t want to be either.

3. Dating Do: Date in public. Head to a restaurant, busy park, or popular hangout spot. Horror movies have taught us that isolated areas, abandoned buildings and hotels in the middle of nowhere — ‘The Shining’, anyone? — are homicidal hot spots.

4. Dating Don’t: Date an addict in the throws of their disease. From Patrick Bateman’s cocaine habit to Hellraiser’s need for fresh blood, addiction is a red flag in the movies and in real life. Addicts need help. Insist your date pursues sobriety before getting sucked into the scary world of addiction.

5. Dating Do: Mean what you say. Don’t tell Jason to “give me your best shot.” You don’t mean it.

6. Dating Don’t: Mistreat women. See: ‘Attack of the 50 Foot Woman’. Yikes.

7. Dating Do: Make first impressions count. Men, showing up for the date in a hockey mask does not prove you’re a dedicated athlete. She will run away — as she should. And, ladies, the obnoxious girl never makes it to the sequel.

8. Dating Don’t: Stay in a uncomfortable situation. If Vincent Price is the host of the dinner party, leave. Send a note of regret later. And if the house itself tells you to leave, do it. Do not pass go.

9. Dating Do: Avoid bleeding heart syndrome. Not every hitchhiker needs your help. Make choices that prioritize self-preservation over heroism.

10. Dating Don’t: Camp at Crystal Lake. Don’t camp there, don’t skinny-dip there, and don’t, under any circumstances, make out there. You will die. (Don’t dig up Jason’s body either.)