Wednesday, January 30, 2013
Cheaters. You will get caught some how
So. Cheaters. You better not use your cell phone! 41% of people have caught someone through their call logs, texts or voice mails
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
I can't do it alone! Group dating...
I just saw a little blurb on the Today show about a new dating website. Yes, another one, if you can believe it.
But this one is different (and yeah, they all say that) - but this one really is different.
Enter. Grouper (https://www.joingrouper.com/) a fishy sounding website name that matches groups of friends together to go out for a group date.
You sign up, they match you with someone (not sure how they figure that piece out), you pick up 2 friends, you actually pre-pay for your first round, they tell you where to meet and then you meet up.
It's kind of a neat idea, not only do you get to meet 3 new people, you get to drink and go to a new place that you normally don't go to!
So far Grouper is only available in the bigger cities (DC is one of them!) If someone tries it let me know!
But this one is different (and yeah, they all say that) - but this one really is different.
Enter. Grouper (https://www.joingrouper.com/) a fishy sounding website name that matches groups of friends together to go out for a group date.
You sign up, they match you with someone (not sure how they figure that piece out), you pick up 2 friends, you actually pre-pay for your first round, they tell you where to meet and then you meet up.
It's kind of a neat idea, not only do you get to meet 3 new people, you get to drink and go to a new place that you normally don't go to!
So far Grouper is only available in the bigger cities (DC is one of them!) If someone tries it let me know!
Friday, January 25, 2013
Whose fault is it? Blame Match.com
Honestly, I've had some really shitty dates in my life. I'd like to blame someone for these bad dates, and a Las Vegas woman has taken the blame to a whole new level!
A 50 year old woman in Vegas is suing Match.com for $10 million after Match set her up on the date from hell. We aren't just talking about a boring date or a creepy guy - this guy takes the take. Mary Kay Beckman's date stabbed her 10 times in the FACE and CHEST in an attempt to kill her. Dang.
And Wade Ridley (the date) didn't stop at stabbing her after the knife broke - the jerk stomped and kicked her in the head until she stopped making any noises. And this wasn't the first time Wade had done this... while Mary Kay was in the hospital he was arrested for the murder of an ex girlfriend in Arizona. His excuse - the bitches jilted him.
Now most people would chalk this story up to being a really (I can't emphasize really enough) bad experience in dating. But Mary Kay, she's going to get even! She's suing Match.com because they set her up on the date. Match's response... "What happened to Mary Kay Beckman is horrible, but this lawsuit is absurd. There are many millions of people who have found love on Match.com and other online dating sites know how fulfilling it is. And while that doesn't make what happened in this case any less awful, this is about a sick, twisted individual with no prior criminal record, not an entire community of men and women looking to meet each other."
I'm liking Mary Kay's philosophy... Maybe I'll start suing the online dating services because my dates suck!
A 50 year old woman in Vegas is suing Match.com for $10 million after Match set her up on the date from hell. We aren't just talking about a boring date or a creepy guy - this guy takes the take. Mary Kay Beckman's date stabbed her 10 times in the FACE and CHEST in an attempt to kill her. Dang.
And Wade Ridley (the date) didn't stop at stabbing her after the knife broke - the jerk stomped and kicked her in the head until she stopped making any noises. And this wasn't the first time Wade had done this... while Mary Kay was in the hospital he was arrested for the murder of an ex girlfriend in Arizona. His excuse - the bitches jilted him.
Now most people would chalk this story up to being a really (I can't emphasize really enough) bad experience in dating. But Mary Kay, she's going to get even! She's suing Match.com because they set her up on the date. Match's response... "What happened to Mary Kay Beckman is horrible, but this lawsuit is absurd. There are many millions of people who have found love on Match.com and other online dating sites know how fulfilling it is. And while that doesn't make what happened in this case any less awful, this is about a sick, twisted individual with no prior criminal record, not an entire community of men and women looking to meet each other."
I'm liking Mary Kay's philosophy... Maybe I'll start suing the online dating services because my dates suck!
Naked Ebaying
I'm not sure about you, but I'm not one for doing everyday activities naked. But apparently there are a lot of people out there who loved their nakedness! Now, being naked is fine.... but taking your ebay pictures naked can be dangerous! People everywhere (or at least these ones below) are taking pictures of their ebay merchandise and "accidently" including their own naughty bits. And even worse - they POSTED these pictures... So enjoy... naked ebaying.
Friday, January 18, 2013
The dissapearing man...
Any of you who read this blog regularly - or even irregularly know I don't tend to write personal stories. I like to keep the innocent and not so innocent protected. God knows, I don't need any lawsuits - I'm poor enough as it is!
But, for this post I will go into the personal area (just enough to make my point).
So, I've been trying to date again. I definitely go through periods where I don't care about dating and then there are times where I really would like to find a man (usually when I'm lonely - take from that what you may). So in the last month or so I've been hitting the personals ads pretty hard and trying to be smiley and such in public to pick up a guy there (I was hoping that I could pick up some hot doctor during some medical appointments, but that hasn't happened yet!). And over and over again, I've had the same problem..... just when it gets good - the guy disappears.
Case in point #1: Deleted Email Account
I had been chatting very regularly with a man online. He seemed to have his shit together. And I was interested. We were chatting back and forth via email on Friday, come Monday I email him again and get a return mail response that "this account does not exist or has been deleted." And being me, I immediately blame myself, and searched through my emails to ensure that I wasn't making shit up (you'd be amazed at how "real" some of my dreams feel).... Nope, we really had emailed on Friday. So I sent another email (you never know - it could have been a mistake!!), and nope... I got the same error message. Now, you'd think I'd have learned my lesson - but apparently my loneliness was making me desperate.... A couple of days later I get an email from the "deleted" account. No explanation other than he didn't know what was going on with his email. So, I moved on. We scheduled a date for the following Saturday. That Friday we even spoke on the phone. Saturday comes and no call. I email to make sure everything is ok and radio silent again (except this time the email hadn't been "deleted")
Case in Point #3: Too "Busy"
Again, I meet someone online at OKCupid. We actually have a lot in common as we hail from the same state originally. We chat via email and then text. A date is scheduled for Saturday. All is good, until Friday.... Apparently he has gotten really busy at work and can't text or chat and might have to work on the weekend. I can understand that, work can get crazy. Monday comes and I text to check in. The iphone has this nifty feature that allows you to see when the text was read. He read the text and nothing in return. Oh well. Then to make it even stranger.... I received another message on OKCupid and I noticed that his account had been deleted.
Sadly, this has happened way too often for me! I'm starting to take offense. Either that or guys really are jerks (which I'm really trying to NOT believe.
But, for this post I will go into the personal area (just enough to make my point).
So, I've been trying to date again. I definitely go through periods where I don't care about dating and then there are times where I really would like to find a man (usually when I'm lonely - take from that what you may). So in the last month or so I've been hitting the personals ads pretty hard and trying to be smiley and such in public to pick up a guy there (I was hoping that I could pick up some hot doctor during some medical appointments, but that hasn't happened yet!). And over and over again, I've had the same problem..... just when it gets good - the guy disappears.
Case in point #1: Deleted Email Account
I had been chatting very regularly with a man online. He seemed to have his shit together. And I was interested. We were chatting back and forth via email on Friday, come Monday I email him again and get a return mail response that "this account does not exist or has been deleted." And being me, I immediately blame myself, and searched through my emails to ensure that I wasn't making shit up (you'd be amazed at how "real" some of my dreams feel).... Nope, we really had emailed on Friday. So I sent another email (you never know - it could have been a mistake!!), and nope... I got the same error message. Now, you'd think I'd have learned my lesson - but apparently my loneliness was making me desperate.... A couple of days later I get an email from the "deleted" account. No explanation other than he didn't know what was going on with his email. So, I moved on. We scheduled a date for the following Saturday. That Friday we even spoke on the phone. Saturday comes and no call. I email to make sure everything is ok and radio silent again (except this time the email hadn't been "deleted")
Case in Point #3: Too "Busy"
Again, I meet someone online at OKCupid. We actually have a lot in common as we hail from the same state originally. We chat via email and then text. A date is scheduled for Saturday. All is good, until Friday.... Apparently he has gotten really busy at work and can't text or chat and might have to work on the weekend. I can understand that, work can get crazy. Monday comes and I text to check in. The iphone has this nifty feature that allows you to see when the text was read. He read the text and nothing in return. Oh well. Then to make it even stranger.... I received another message on OKCupid and I noticed that his account had been deleted.
Sadly, this has happened way too often for me! I'm starting to take offense. Either that or guys really are jerks (which I'm really trying to NOT believe.
Wednesday, January 16, 2013
Being single costs you.
I knew it! Being single is more expensive and now there is a study to illustrate my point!
The Atlantic magazine published an analysis of US Federal Tax Code that showed that more than 1,000 laws give financial or legal benefits to those who are married.
The analysis looked at 2 single women in Virgina (to it's relatable for me!) on earning $40K and one earning $80K per year and also two married women earning $40K and one earning $80K. Doing all kinds of nerdy calculations (which actually appeal to me, yes, I'm a nerd) showed that being single cost the woman making $40K about $484,368 over 60 years. And for the woman making $80K being single is going to cost her a whopping $1,022,096 over 60 years!
And that's just taking in account the federal laws and such. That's not even thinking about all the other costs. How about a single woman living alone (as I am) - I have to pay 100% for all my living expenses. Think about it... 100% of my mortgage, 100% of the cable, 100% of the power, heat, water... That's a huge cost!
I've said many times over that I'd like to find a husband just so I can share my bills, little did I know that it would really be cost effective!
The Atlantic magazine published an analysis of US Federal Tax Code that showed that more than 1,000 laws give financial or legal benefits to those who are married.
The analysis looked at 2 single women in Virgina (to it's relatable for me!) on earning $40K and one earning $80K per year and also two married women earning $40K and one earning $80K. Doing all kinds of nerdy calculations (which actually appeal to me, yes, I'm a nerd) showed that being single cost the woman making $40K about $484,368 over 60 years. And for the woman making $80K being single is going to cost her a whopping $1,022,096 over 60 years!
And that's just taking in account the federal laws and such. That's not even thinking about all the other costs. How about a single woman living alone (as I am) - I have to pay 100% for all my living expenses. Think about it... 100% of my mortgage, 100% of the cable, 100% of the power, heat, water... That's a huge cost!
I've said many times over that I'd like to find a husband just so I can share my bills, little did I know that it would really be cost effective!
Tuesday, January 15, 2013
New term alert: SOAKING
For the second time in a week I came across a new slang that I hadn't heard before. Now this is uncommon - usually I'm pretty hip on the current vernacular (so much that I used the word vernacular!)
So watching TMZ tonight (a guilty pleasure), I heard the term SOAKING.
So what exactly is soaking? According to Urban Dictionary soaking is "The event of marinating your penis inside your girl's vagina"
Apparently, soaking is all the rage in the Mormon (no offense) and virgin community (if it can be called a "community") One can "soak" and still be considered a virgin because there was no "thrusting" that signifies sexual intercourse.
What the fuck?!? Apparently we are looking for any excuse. First, oral sex is not considered "sex", then anal sex is not considered "sex" and now you can soak your cock in some girl's snatch and still be considered a virgin. Humm, I guess what ever floats your boat or makes you feel better about yourself.
So watching TMZ tonight (a guilty pleasure), I heard the term SOAKING.
So what exactly is soaking? According to Urban Dictionary soaking is "The event of marinating your penis inside your girl's vagina"
Apparently, soaking is all the rage in the Mormon (no offense) and virgin community (if it can be called a "community") One can "soak" and still be considered a virgin because there was no "thrusting" that signifies sexual intercourse.
What the fuck?!? Apparently we are looking for any excuse. First, oral sex is not considered "sex", then anal sex is not considered "sex" and now you can soak your cock in some girl's snatch and still be considered a virgin. Humm, I guess what ever floats your boat or makes you feel better about yourself.
Monday, January 14, 2013
"Fun" Fact of the day
According to OMGSex Facts on twitter...
For $700, girls can get their hymen rebuilt to fake virginity when getting married in China
Really? Just $700? That seems kind of cheap to me and maybe even a surgery to consider. Then again, if you are paying just $700 for someone to fuck around with your vagina (pun not intended), do you really think they are going to do a humm-dinger of a job?
Also, is the bad first time built into the cost? Because that first time usually means a couple of things: broken hymen, guy who doesn't know what he's doing (assuming you are both new to sex or he's very inexperienced), and an experience that definitely does not fit expectations.
For $700, girls can get their hymen rebuilt to fake virginity when getting married in China
Really? Just $700? That seems kind of cheap to me and maybe even a surgery to consider. Then again, if you are paying just $700 for someone to fuck around with your vagina (pun not intended), do you really think they are going to do a humm-dinger of a job?
Also, is the bad first time built into the cost? Because that first time usually means a couple of things: broken hymen, guy who doesn't know what he's doing (assuming you are both new to sex or he's very inexperienced), and an experience that definitely does not fit expectations.
If the 1960s was the decade of love, then the 1980's was the decade of sex.
If songs are any indication, the 1980's was a decade full of nasty dirty sex, but in the good way. This is Buzzfeed's list of 15 Really Explicit (And Hilarious) Songs About Sex From The 80s. You'll notice there is an influx of songs in 1984, what could that mean? Sadly, when I read each title, the song plays automatically in my head...
1. "Sugar Walls" - Sheena Easton, 1984
2. "Side It In" - White Snake, 1984
3. "Do You Wanna Touch Me?" - Joan Jett and the Blackhearts, 1982
7. "Me So Horny" - 2 Live Crew, 1989
8. "I Want Your Sex" - George Michael, 1987
9. "Sex... I'm A" - Berlin, 1982
1. "Sugar Walls" - Sheena Easton, 1984
2. "Side It In" - White Snake, 1984
3. "Do You Wanna Touch Me?" - Joan Jett and the Blackhearts, 1982
4. "Erotic City" - Prince, 1984
5. "You Shook Me All Night Long" - AC/DC, 1980
6. "Push It" - Salt-n-Pepa - 1987
7. "Me So Horny" - 2 Live Crew, 1989
8. "I Want Your Sex" - George Michael, 1987
9. "Sex... I'm A" - Berlin, 1982
10. "Flesh for Fantasy" - Billy Idol, 1983
11. "Like A Virgin" - Madonna, 1984
12. "Pour Some Sugar on Me" - Def Leppard, 1987
13. "Love in an Elevator" - Aerosmith, 1895
14. "Rock You Like a Hurricane" - Scorpions, 1984
15. "Sex Rap" - Red Hot Chili Peppers, 1985
Tuesday, January 8, 2013
New term alert: Moose Knuckle
So this is a new term for me, of course - it might not be so new for you.
So the other day I posted a picture of Jon Hamm and some funky looking bumps in his pants.
So, turns out that the funny looking bump is actually called a Moose's Knuckle. (Thank you The New Normal for giving me a heads up on Moose's Knuckle.)
So the other day I posted a picture of Jon Hamm and some funky looking bumps in his pants.
So, turns out that the funny looking bump is actually called a Moose's Knuckle. (Thank you The New Normal for giving me a heads up on Moose's Knuckle.)
Sunday, January 6, 2013
How do I get people to comment??
I think I'm going to start using bad grammar and stop using spell check... maybe someone will comment!
Friday, January 4, 2013
I just mastrubated with that hand...
I just saw this comic strip (I guess you'd call it) on Craig's List. Yes, yes... I'm still looking at their personals - it's a great distraction from work, and you never know what you are going to find - from hilariously crazy to actually decently sounding guys (which almost always turns out bad) -- what can I say, I'm an addict - is there a 12 Step Program for Craigslist junkies?
Thursday, January 3, 2013
Blondes don't have more fun!
I'm a natural blond. Born one of those little kids with white blonde hair that has faded to a dirty blonde with my advanced age. They say that blondes have more fun, and it's great to be a blonde. I beg to differ... and I saw an article on the frisky today that shows I'm not the only one!
According to the author.... (as always my comments in italics)
1. People think you’re an idiot. I have no idea when or how blonde hair became associated with inferior intelligence, but I can assure you this strange myth is alive and well. It comes in the form of pitying looks, snarky comments like, “Yep, she’s definitely a blonde!”, and offers of assistance that I didn’t need or ask for. I don’t want it to sound like blondes are systematically oppressed or anything, but dealing with the preconceived notion that I’m dumb just because I’m blonde is an annoying waste of time that I’d rather spend reading about theoretical physics.
Yup, I don't even have to speak and people think I'm stupid. Then again, if I do mess up I can always blame my blond hair...
2. You have to listen to blonde jokes. Here is what I can only assume is the thought process that occurs in the moments before someone proudly tells me a painfully unfunny blonde joke: “Ooh! This woman has yellow-ish hair! Surely she would enjoy hearing about another woman with similarly colored hair who fucked all three legs of an upside down bar stool before she realized it wasn’t a sex toy!” How many annoyed blondes does it take to convince you to stop telling dumb blonde jokes? I don’t have a punchline for that one. I just genuinely want to know.
I cannot tell you how many stupid blond jokes I've heard in my lifetime. And people don't get that when you tell them to me I can take personal offense. Not all of them are funny and some are down right mean. Then again, some are kind of funny - but those are rare. The blond jokes are literally the bottom of the barrel when it comes to jokes. Really, get some better material.
3. Your hair turns green in chlorine. When I was in junior high my best friend’s parents put in a swimming pool. For the next five years, I spent approximately 70% of my waking hours in that pool, and every summer my hair would transform from glistening gold waves into a dull, sickly greenish yellow frizz ball. Was it worth it? Yes. Was it attractive? No. Did I secretly kind of love it because it made me feel like Anne of Green Gables? Definitely.
Ugh, YES! I grew up with a pool and all summer long my hair was this lovely shade of green. One year I acted in an adaption of The Little Mermaid and I got teased relentlessly that we should just use my hair for seaweed.
4. The shedding, my God, the shedding! It’s a fact that people with lightly pigmented hair have more hairs on their heads than people with darker hair. Does that mean that blondes shed more than other people? Based on the horrifying research I have conducted while trying to unplug the bathtub drain, I’m going to say yes. My boyfriend always knows where to find me, thanks to the Hansel and Gretel-style trails of hair I leave around the house, and he often stares at my consistently voluminous mane in disbelief. “You must literally lose and regrow all of your hair on a daily basis,” he says, before threatening to notify the government that I’m a mutant.
Right now I'm going through a serious shedding and I also go through horrible amounts of drain-o in my house. When you are washing your hair and literally chunks come out in your hand you wonder how in the hell you still have hair on your head. As an aside, I just saw an episode of "My Strange Addiction" where the guy (who was remarkably good looking) had an addiction to getting hair out of the bathtub drain. At his friend's houses he would sneak into the bathroom (usually with women) -- find something and fish the hair out of the drain. Thank god he didn't do anything gross with it, he just felt it in his fingers and then threw it away and thank god he didn't break into people's homes to do this... But yuck.
5. You attract a certain kind of attention. I’ve never been a non-blonde (as the term applies to both hair color and 90s rock bands), but friends of mine who have gone from brunette to blonde to black to red and back again tell me that blonde hair attracts a specific kind of attention, especially from men. Blondes are expected to be either pure, angelic virgins or dim, drooling nymphomaniacs. You can imagine how certain men might interact with these archetypes, how they expect you to act in return, and how it can get to be very unpleasant. But hey, what do I know? I’m just a dumb blonde. Now if you’ll excuse me, there’s an overturned bar stool in the corner that’s totally calling my name.
Everyone thinks you are a bimbo. Now try having long blond hair, big boobs, and a name that ends in a -y (you know, all stripper and cheerleader like)... and imagine the attention you get. Yup, now you know what it's like to be me.
According to the author.... (as always my comments in italics)
1. People think you’re an idiot. I have no idea when or how blonde hair became associated with inferior intelligence, but I can assure you this strange myth is alive and well. It comes in the form of pitying looks, snarky comments like, “Yep, she’s definitely a blonde!”, and offers of assistance that I didn’t need or ask for. I don’t want it to sound like blondes are systematically oppressed or anything, but dealing with the preconceived notion that I’m dumb just because I’m blonde is an annoying waste of time that I’d rather spend reading about theoretical physics.
Yup, I don't even have to speak and people think I'm stupid. Then again, if I do mess up I can always blame my blond hair...
2. You have to listen to blonde jokes. Here is what I can only assume is the thought process that occurs in the moments before someone proudly tells me a painfully unfunny blonde joke: “Ooh! This woman has yellow-ish hair! Surely she would enjoy hearing about another woman with similarly colored hair who fucked all three legs of an upside down bar stool before she realized it wasn’t a sex toy!” How many annoyed blondes does it take to convince you to stop telling dumb blonde jokes? I don’t have a punchline for that one. I just genuinely want to know.
I cannot tell you how many stupid blond jokes I've heard in my lifetime. And people don't get that when you tell them to me I can take personal offense. Not all of them are funny and some are down right mean. Then again, some are kind of funny - but those are rare. The blond jokes are literally the bottom of the barrel when it comes to jokes. Really, get some better material.
3. Your hair turns green in chlorine. When I was in junior high my best friend’s parents put in a swimming pool. For the next five years, I spent approximately 70% of my waking hours in that pool, and every summer my hair would transform from glistening gold waves into a dull, sickly greenish yellow frizz ball. Was it worth it? Yes. Was it attractive? No. Did I secretly kind of love it because it made me feel like Anne of Green Gables? Definitely.
Ugh, YES! I grew up with a pool and all summer long my hair was this lovely shade of green. One year I acted in an adaption of The Little Mermaid and I got teased relentlessly that we should just use my hair for seaweed.
4. The shedding, my God, the shedding! It’s a fact that people with lightly pigmented hair have more hairs on their heads than people with darker hair. Does that mean that blondes shed more than other people? Based on the horrifying research I have conducted while trying to unplug the bathtub drain, I’m going to say yes. My boyfriend always knows where to find me, thanks to the Hansel and Gretel-style trails of hair I leave around the house, and he often stares at my consistently voluminous mane in disbelief. “You must literally lose and regrow all of your hair on a daily basis,” he says, before threatening to notify the government that I’m a mutant.
Right now I'm going through a serious shedding and I also go through horrible amounts of drain-o in my house. When you are washing your hair and literally chunks come out in your hand you wonder how in the hell you still have hair on your head. As an aside, I just saw an episode of "My Strange Addiction" where the guy (who was remarkably good looking) had an addiction to getting hair out of the bathtub drain. At his friend's houses he would sneak into the bathroom (usually with women) -- find something and fish the hair out of the drain. Thank god he didn't do anything gross with it, he just felt it in his fingers and then threw it away and thank god he didn't break into people's homes to do this... But yuck.
Note: this is the kind of attention, BUT... if the attention was from Prince Harry, then it's all ok :) |
Everyone thinks you are a bimbo. Now try having long blond hair, big boobs, and a name that ends in a -y (you know, all stripper and cheerleader like)... and imagine the attention you get. Yup, now you know what it's like to be me.
The Bitch's guide to online dating
So, I've been online dating for years... maybe too many to admit. And in the style of Aaron Karo (Ruminations on College Life email list author and comedian), I shall include some random thoughts.
FYI, whatever happened to Aaron Karo and his emails -- they used to crack my shit up and I haven't seen them in years. I had to do a random google search to try and figure out his name and all that, but I found it again, apparently the guy has been writing other books, and developing sitcoms (otherwise known as, he's a struggling writer...)
On to my own thoughts...
1. Be Respectful: Boys, you don't have to be a total gentlemen, but don't be overtly sexual in your first email. Not too long ago I received a response to a personals ad that went like this: "God girl, you got some big titties" Do you really think I'm going to respond to that?
2. Stop using text languages: Absolutely nothing turns me off like a guy who can't write. I hate text lexicon! U B good 2, was marginally ok when we had RAZR phones and you had to press the buttons multiple times to get the letter you wanted, but boys and girls we have these great things called QWERTY keyboards on phones these days and it's quick and easy to spell it out. And god forbid you actually use text lexicon on a real computer keyboard - that's just lazy.
3. READ the requirements first!: So any personals ad or profile online states clearly what you are looking for, right?!? But I cannot tell you how many times I've had responses that show clearly that the dude responding didn't even take time to read past the first line or look at your pictures. If I say I want a man between the ages of 30-35, not married, for a serious type relationship and a 50 year old married guy emails me looking for a fwb - do you really think I'm going to respond? And guys, if you don't fit the "requirements" know they aren't always hard and fast - but make sure you give a good reason why we should consider you. And when putting your own requirements into your personals ad... think carefully! Chicks, by nature don't tend to want to fuck around.... You put that you are just looking for something casual, a one night stand, or even looking to date, but nothing serious you are going to get a whole hell of a lot fewer responses. Not every girl is looking to jump into a long term relationship right away, but we want to know the possibility is there.
4. Please stop it with the cock shots: Guys, I know you are obsessed with your own junk. Congrats, it's what you were born with, and we are going to want to see it... eventually. But those pictures of your cock in the first emails aren't really going to turn us on. I know as men you are visual creatures, but girls take a little more than that. Granted, if the exchange is just looking for a quick fuck or something similar, junk pictures are totally appropriate.... because if a girl wants a quick lay, she's really concerned about your performance and what you are bringing to the table. But if she's interested in something more **read #3 ** your cock is not necessarily the ice breaker.
5. Profile pictures are important, chose wisely: Don't just go and throw up any old picture you can find in your phone, the pictures you post are important. Personally, I think NOTHING is worse than the ol' picture in the bathroom mirror shot. Really, very little is attractive about a bathroom (especially if your mirror is filthy) and the odd pose where you are holding up your phone is just not attractive. It's simple and easy to have a friend or someone just snap a quick picture of you when you are out, etc... and that picture is about a million times better. Also, please avoid pictures of you in costume, I don't want to see that you were Elmo for Halloween or your picture dancing in your native Ukrainian garb (true story told by a friend). And lately, chose WHO is in your pictures carefully. This doesn't mean just crop out the offending person (we can tell a bad crop job). I don't want to see you with your ex girlfriend or your hot friend. And god forbid avoid pictures of you with your children - it's kind of creepy like you are using them as women - bait. I don't care if you have kids, but don't use them to get women.
6. Timing is everything: Did you recently break up with your girlfriend, did you recently separate from your wife? Yeah, now is NOT a good time to look for a chick. The last thing we want to be is a rebound. If you did just recently break up with a girlfriend, fine - but don't tell us it was recently. And if you are separated.... wait until the divorce is final to seriously date. Not only do you need the time to get over your ex, but it's kind of skeevy to be dating when you aren't yet divorced. And girls, if you are dating, specifically ASK the question, are you married or are you seeing someone... because God knows how many douchebags are out there on personals websites who are actually in committed relationships (trust me, I know....)
7. Meet quickly and in a public place: One of the biggest mistakes I've made is to carrying on too long of a conversation online - whether it is via email or instant message. Absolutely nothing is worse than getting along great with someone behind your computer screen and then meeting them in person for the first time and there is nothing there. If nothing else, have a phone conversation early in the courtship (yes, I know this is an antiquated word), but even though online dating is great.... there is a lot to be said for that connection in the real world.
8. Choose your platform wisely: Where you post your ad makes a huge difference. Don't go looking for a long term relationship on Adult Friend Finder (guilty)... Post on jdate if you are looking for a Jewish significant other, and if you don't want to date a girl who isn't jewish don't post on any ol' site (guilty of dating the Jew who didn't want to date a non Jew).... Don't post on Craigslist if you are looking for someone serious and real (super guilty of this one).
9. Be considerate: I write a lot of responses to personals ads I see online. Like way too many. And way too often I don't get response (this doesn't count for those stupid sites that let you join for free, but then charge you for the messaging services). If you aren't interested, write a quick response back (it can be canned and used for everyone!) saying a quick, thanks... but no thanks. Don't leave us hanging!
10. Have fun: You know, dating is supposed to be fun. It honestly can't hurt to email someone back who doesn't necessarily fit your "perfect 10 criteria". If nothing else, you might find someone to email back and forth once in awhile. Some of the men I've meet online I have never met in person - but they've turned out to be great sounding boards. And you never know, that "6" girl might actually be your perfect match.
Please share any of your hints, stories (good or bad), or anything in the comments! (I'm sad that no one comments on my posts!)
FYI, whatever happened to Aaron Karo and his emails -- they used to crack my shit up and I haven't seen them in years. I had to do a random google search to try and figure out his name and all that, but I found it again, apparently the guy has been writing other books, and developing sitcoms (otherwise known as, he's a struggling writer...)
On to my own thoughts...
1. Be Respectful: Boys, you don't have to be a total gentlemen, but don't be overtly sexual in your first email. Not too long ago I received a response to a personals ad that went like this: "God girl, you got some big titties" Do you really think I'm going to respond to that?
2. Stop using text languages: Absolutely nothing turns me off like a guy who can't write. I hate text lexicon! U B good 2, was marginally ok when we had RAZR phones and you had to press the buttons multiple times to get the letter you wanted, but boys and girls we have these great things called QWERTY keyboards on phones these days and it's quick and easy to spell it out. And god forbid you actually use text lexicon on a real computer keyboard - that's just lazy.
3. READ the requirements first!: So any personals ad or profile online states clearly what you are looking for, right?!? But I cannot tell you how many times I've had responses that show clearly that the dude responding didn't even take time to read past the first line or look at your pictures. If I say I want a man between the ages of 30-35, not married, for a serious type relationship and a 50 year old married guy emails me looking for a fwb - do you really think I'm going to respond? And guys, if you don't fit the "requirements" know they aren't always hard and fast - but make sure you give a good reason why we should consider you. And when putting your own requirements into your personals ad... think carefully! Chicks, by nature don't tend to want to fuck around.... You put that you are just looking for something casual, a one night stand, or even looking to date, but nothing serious you are going to get a whole hell of a lot fewer responses. Not every girl is looking to jump into a long term relationship right away, but we want to know the possibility is there.
4. Please stop it with the cock shots: Guys, I know you are obsessed with your own junk. Congrats, it's what you were born with, and we are going to want to see it... eventually. But those pictures of your cock in the first emails aren't really going to turn us on. I know as men you are visual creatures, but girls take a little more than that. Granted, if the exchange is just looking for a quick fuck or something similar, junk pictures are totally appropriate.... because if a girl wants a quick lay, she's really concerned about your performance and what you are bringing to the table. But if she's interested in something more **read #3 ** your cock is not necessarily the ice breaker.
5. Profile pictures are important, chose wisely: Don't just go and throw up any old picture you can find in your phone, the pictures you post are important. Personally, I think NOTHING is worse than the ol' picture in the bathroom mirror shot. Really, very little is attractive about a bathroom (especially if your mirror is filthy) and the odd pose where you are holding up your phone is just not attractive. It's simple and easy to have a friend or someone just snap a quick picture of you when you are out, etc... and that picture is about a million times better. Also, please avoid pictures of you in costume, I don't want to see that you were Elmo for Halloween or your picture dancing in your native Ukrainian garb (true story told by a friend). And lately, chose WHO is in your pictures carefully. This doesn't mean just crop out the offending person (we can tell a bad crop job). I don't want to see you with your ex girlfriend or your hot friend. And god forbid avoid pictures of you with your children - it's kind of creepy like you are using them as women - bait. I don't care if you have kids, but don't use them to get women.
6. Timing is everything: Did you recently break up with your girlfriend, did you recently separate from your wife? Yeah, now is NOT a good time to look for a chick. The last thing we want to be is a rebound. If you did just recently break up with a girlfriend, fine - but don't tell us it was recently. And if you are separated.... wait until the divorce is final to seriously date. Not only do you need the time to get over your ex, but it's kind of skeevy to be dating when you aren't yet divorced. And girls, if you are dating, specifically ASK the question, are you married or are you seeing someone... because God knows how many douchebags are out there on personals websites who are actually in committed relationships (trust me, I know....)
7. Meet quickly and in a public place: One of the biggest mistakes I've made is to carrying on too long of a conversation online - whether it is via email or instant message. Absolutely nothing is worse than getting along great with someone behind your computer screen and then meeting them in person for the first time and there is nothing there. If nothing else, have a phone conversation early in the courtship (yes, I know this is an antiquated word), but even though online dating is great.... there is a lot to be said for that connection in the real world.
8. Choose your platform wisely: Where you post your ad makes a huge difference. Don't go looking for a long term relationship on Adult Friend Finder (guilty)... Post on jdate if you are looking for a Jewish significant other, and if you don't want to date a girl who isn't jewish don't post on any ol' site (guilty of dating the Jew who didn't want to date a non Jew).... Don't post on Craigslist if you are looking for someone serious and real (super guilty of this one).
9. Be considerate: I write a lot of responses to personals ads I see online. Like way too many. And way too often I don't get response (this doesn't count for those stupid sites that let you join for free, but then charge you for the messaging services). If you aren't interested, write a quick response back (it can be canned and used for everyone!) saying a quick, thanks... but no thanks. Don't leave us hanging!
10. Have fun: You know, dating is supposed to be fun. It honestly can't hurt to email someone back who doesn't necessarily fit your "perfect 10 criteria". If nothing else, you might find someone to email back and forth once in awhile. Some of the men I've meet online I have never met in person - but they've turned out to be great sounding boards. And you never know, that "6" girl might actually be your perfect match.
Please share any of your hints, stories (good or bad), or anything in the comments! (I'm sad that no one comments on my posts!)
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
2013 Love Forecast
I'm not sure how much I put in horoscopes and the stars, but why not take what they say as fun. Who knows, it could be true. For this year, my Virgo love horoscope says that I'm usually sorting out everyone else's life (guilty), that work demands too much of my brain power (double guilty) and that I need to place my heart above intellectual demands (interesting). I'm supposed to date for pleasure the first half of the year (what kind of pleasure are we talking about?), and then consider serious commitments around August (humm, ok?). So, lets see how it turns out for me. Pre-2013 I've already made some changes to focus more on me than others, so I guess I'm well on my way.
Aries: WinningYou’re a flirty socializer on a mission during the first half of 2013. Uranus may toss you a few sudden, impractical relationships here and there, but you’re more likely to settle into your sofa with a romantic companion after Jupiter plops itself into Cancer in July. Contrary to your natural impulses, Saturn will make you very well-behaved — yes, you’re going to be nice this year!
Taurus: Charismatic
Absorbed as you are by money, work and living the good life, matters of partnership insist on grabbing your attention this year. You can’t buy your way out of trouble, either — and your old, reliable methods of distraction simply won’t work. Step up and embrace your feelings by trading stubborn habits for romantic impulses. With Jupiter’s move into Cancer during the second half of the year, your light touch will melt just about any heart you encounter.
Gemini: CaptivatingA sluggish January will give way to a race toward glory — if you’re prepared to claim your prizes, that is. The final lap of expansion ends in July as Jupiter jumps from Gemini into Cancer, which is when your attention-deficit dating pattern transforms into a series of cozy, tactile flirtations fraught with meaning. Saturn in your house of discipline and routine will keep you in line, so remember: The word is honor, and the prize is love!
Cancer: Thrilling
Since you’re always one to bide your time, 2013 begins with premonitions of fulfillment and ends with a very real possibility of finding The One. Jupiter glides from your house of intuition into your house of new realities right around your birthday this year. The best presents to come include opening yourself up to new love and light. Saturn’s seat in Scorpio gives you the steady, capable energy needed to manifest a dream come true. Give up your mothering/smothering ways and take up romance instead — after all, it’s way more fun for everyone.
Leo: Profound
The deeper side of life beckons in 2013. Early in the year you toy with your love interests, basking in their attention and semi-earnest bids for your heart. As the year progresses, however, Saturn will move more insistently into Scorpio and Jupiter will get cozied up in Cancer, making your appetite for variety fade. The desire to find The One will be a new sensation for you — and you’ll find it to be a journey that you really enjoy, you lucky Leo! There’s a real possibility for big love to come into your life this year — the only question is: Are you ready?
Virgo: Intriguing
With an answer for every problem, you’re usually very busy sorting out everyone else’s life. But being preoccupied like this is no excuse for lacking a love life of your own, and this is the main lesson you need to learn in 2013. While work demands far too much of your brain power, Jupiter’s move into Cancer this summer places the needs of the heart above your intellectual demands. Date for pleasure in the first half of the year (let’s face it, you need it!), and then consider serious romantic options as they crop up closer to your birthday. With Jupiter in your house of hopes and wishes this year, you’ll have no choice but to explore love and joy. Yes, that means you!
Libra: Magnetic
If you could be paid to develop love interests, you’d be very rich indeed. But Saturn in Scorpio is stomping around money matters this year, and that means work, responsibility, and sharp-shooting problems will take priority. Jupiter in Gemini provides ample opportunity for adventure during the first six months of the year, so you won’t be without admirers. Jupiter’s shift into Cancer this summer makes you a very high-profile person of interest. This all means that you don’t have to actually work at finding love in 2013 — rather, it’ll come to you. Do your best, be kind, and enjoy life’s surprises as they appear one by one.
Scorpio: Undeniable
Feeling intense, passionate — and maybe a little bit worried? The universe is working on an upgrade for your life, and it isn’t possible for you to opt out this time. Saturn’s in your sign this year, urging you to be productive in all aspects of your life. For love, it’s doing the right thing: No shortcuts, no fibs, and no sneaking around (if you’ve been guilty of doing so in the past) — it’s serious stuff. Luckily, Jupiter in Gemini gives you lots of opportunities to flirt and experiment with what works best for you, and it will be clear when things don’t work. New adventures beckon in the second half of the year, so date with an open mind and love with an open heart.
Sagittarius: Nimble
Saturn in your house of whispers might make you a bit paranoid — possibly due to the untamed energy of your ruler, Jupiter, in your house of partnership, which encourages many romantic prospects to pursue you at once. Feeling guilty about juggling dates or not following through on your affections? That short attention span of yours should settle down this summer when Jupiter moves into Cancer. By then, you’ll be craving someone to explore the world with and more serious love interests will come into focus. Until then, be good — that way, you won’t be guilty.
Capricorn: Motivated
Getting what you want is normal for you, and working hard, taking on more responsibilities, and getting things done have usually paid off. Love, though, hasn’t always been so easy for you. You’ve been driven to work even harder as Jupiter has rested in Gemini, but when it arrives in Cancer mid-summer, your partnership prospects and romantic escapades will be rejuvenated. Saturn in your house of wish fulfilment takes itself very seriously, so stop working 24/7. It’s time for you to play, flirt, date and interview your potential mates — that’s what 2013 is all about.
Aquarius: Energetic
Career issues are vying for your attention, but Cupid’s sending haphazard, unpredictable arrows that are impossible for you to dodge. Give in to Jupiter’s lucky sprint through your house of romance during the first half of the year. You’re likely to discover significant love interests just as the planets shift back into a more serious work focus for your life overall. The challenge is finding the right work-love balance — it’s a fun game for you to play, as long as love comes first on your list.
Pisces: Dynamic
As the most romantic sign of all, you’re prone to having extreme expectations when it comes to love. The first half of this year is about you getting serious — what do you really want for yourself? Date as much as you can to find out, because this summer will bring on a one-year wave of ardent love interests. Be prepared to consider some serious relationship prospects — but your rose-colored glasses must stay in your pocket, not on your nose, if you want to be successful. For you, clarity is key in 2013.
Aries: WinningYou’re a flirty socializer on a mission during the first half of 2013. Uranus may toss you a few sudden, impractical relationships here and there, but you’re more likely to settle into your sofa with a romantic companion after Jupiter plops itself into Cancer in July. Contrary to your natural impulses, Saturn will make you very well-behaved — yes, you’re going to be nice this year!
Taurus: Charismatic
Absorbed as you are by money, work and living the good life, matters of partnership insist on grabbing your attention this year. You can’t buy your way out of trouble, either — and your old, reliable methods of distraction simply won’t work. Step up and embrace your feelings by trading stubborn habits for romantic impulses. With Jupiter’s move into Cancer during the second half of the year, your light touch will melt just about any heart you encounter.
Gemini: CaptivatingA sluggish January will give way to a race toward glory — if you’re prepared to claim your prizes, that is. The final lap of expansion ends in July as Jupiter jumps from Gemini into Cancer, which is when your attention-deficit dating pattern transforms into a series of cozy, tactile flirtations fraught with meaning. Saturn in your house of discipline and routine will keep you in line, so remember: The word is honor, and the prize is love!
Cancer: Thrilling
Since you’re always one to bide your time, 2013 begins with premonitions of fulfillment and ends with a very real possibility of finding The One. Jupiter glides from your house of intuition into your house of new realities right around your birthday this year. The best presents to come include opening yourself up to new love and light. Saturn’s seat in Scorpio gives you the steady, capable energy needed to manifest a dream come true. Give up your mothering/smothering ways and take up romance instead — after all, it’s way more fun for everyone.
Leo: Profound
The deeper side of life beckons in 2013. Early in the year you toy with your love interests, basking in their attention and semi-earnest bids for your heart. As the year progresses, however, Saturn will move more insistently into Scorpio and Jupiter will get cozied up in Cancer, making your appetite for variety fade. The desire to find The One will be a new sensation for you — and you’ll find it to be a journey that you really enjoy, you lucky Leo! There’s a real possibility for big love to come into your life this year — the only question is: Are you ready?
Virgo: Intriguing
With an answer for every problem, you’re usually very busy sorting out everyone else’s life. But being preoccupied like this is no excuse for lacking a love life of your own, and this is the main lesson you need to learn in 2013. While work demands far too much of your brain power, Jupiter’s move into Cancer this summer places the needs of the heart above your intellectual demands. Date for pleasure in the first half of the year (let’s face it, you need it!), and then consider serious romantic options as they crop up closer to your birthday. With Jupiter in your house of hopes and wishes this year, you’ll have no choice but to explore love and joy. Yes, that means you!
Libra: Magnetic
If you could be paid to develop love interests, you’d be very rich indeed. But Saturn in Scorpio is stomping around money matters this year, and that means work, responsibility, and sharp-shooting problems will take priority. Jupiter in Gemini provides ample opportunity for adventure during the first six months of the year, so you won’t be without admirers. Jupiter’s shift into Cancer this summer makes you a very high-profile person of interest. This all means that you don’t have to actually work at finding love in 2013 — rather, it’ll come to you. Do your best, be kind, and enjoy life’s surprises as they appear one by one.
Scorpio: Undeniable
Feeling intense, passionate — and maybe a little bit worried? The universe is working on an upgrade for your life, and it isn’t possible for you to opt out this time. Saturn’s in your sign this year, urging you to be productive in all aspects of your life. For love, it’s doing the right thing: No shortcuts, no fibs, and no sneaking around (if you’ve been guilty of doing so in the past) — it’s serious stuff. Luckily, Jupiter in Gemini gives you lots of opportunities to flirt and experiment with what works best for you, and it will be clear when things don’t work. New adventures beckon in the second half of the year, so date with an open mind and love with an open heart.
Sagittarius: Nimble
Saturn in your house of whispers might make you a bit paranoid — possibly due to the untamed energy of your ruler, Jupiter, in your house of partnership, which encourages many romantic prospects to pursue you at once. Feeling guilty about juggling dates or not following through on your affections? That short attention span of yours should settle down this summer when Jupiter moves into Cancer. By then, you’ll be craving someone to explore the world with and more serious love interests will come into focus. Until then, be good — that way, you won’t be guilty.
Capricorn: Motivated
Getting what you want is normal for you, and working hard, taking on more responsibilities, and getting things done have usually paid off. Love, though, hasn’t always been so easy for you. You’ve been driven to work even harder as Jupiter has rested in Gemini, but when it arrives in Cancer mid-summer, your partnership prospects and romantic escapades will be rejuvenated. Saturn in your house of wish fulfilment takes itself very seriously, so stop working 24/7. It’s time for you to play, flirt, date and interview your potential mates — that’s what 2013 is all about.
Aquarius: Energetic
Career issues are vying for your attention, but Cupid’s sending haphazard, unpredictable arrows that are impossible for you to dodge. Give in to Jupiter’s lucky sprint through your house of romance during the first half of the year. You’re likely to discover significant love interests just as the planets shift back into a more serious work focus for your life overall. The challenge is finding the right work-love balance — it’s a fun game for you to play, as long as love comes first on your list.
Pisces: Dynamic
As the most romantic sign of all, you’re prone to having extreme expectations when it comes to love. The first half of this year is about you getting serious — what do you really want for yourself? Date as much as you can to find out, because this summer will bring on a one-year wave of ardent love interests. Be prepared to consider some serious relationship prospects — but your rose-colored glasses must stay in your pocket, not on your nose, if you want to be successful. For you, clarity is key in 2013.
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