hilarious Hurricane Irene Quotes

The weather channel, "There aren't many large trees, etc on the beach.  The vegetation knows that big storms come here"

CNN had the headline NYC EMERGENCY MANAGEMENT CHIEF ON IRENE. My brother wondered how his wife felt about that.

NBC4... If you lose power, go online and we are streaming live.  Umm... if you lose power - aren't you going to lose Internet?

Do you have a flashlight?  Oh yes!  i'm going to go Blair Witch Project.  And then she shines the flashlight directly into the camera.


That's the 4th time you've used the term "weaponize."  Maybe you should get our your theasaurus and use another word.

"dont' call the emergency line if you need canned food, don't call if you need bottled water.  It's just for EMERGENCIES!"

Pat Collins (NBC4) "I think my Gore-Tex has lost it's Gore.  I'm soaked from my ankles to my neck"  I'm not sure how his head is not - oh wait. it's the BRIGHT Yellow rain-bucket hat he has on. 

Dont worry about marine life they know what to do

Wanna feel OLD?

Every year, Beloit College releases what they call "The Mindset List."  This list contains items that the incoming class of college freshman wouldn't remember because they are too young.  First, note that these kids were born in 1993, which to me sounds like just yesterday.  

The freshman didn't even live when the first President Bush was in office, rather they were born when Bill Clinton was president.  They have never seen the big Sears catalog - and subsequently never went crazy with the pen or marker or pencil circling the toys they wanted!  OJ Simpon has always been a wanted man.  Ouch. 

So here is the full list (of course with my comments in italics!)

The Mindset List for the Class of 2015

1.  Andre the Giant, River Phoenix, Frank Zappa, Arthur Ashe and the Commodore 64 have always been dead.

2.  There has always been an Internet ramp onto the information highway. (I remember when all I had was Prodigy and I had to pay by the message sent and use dial up - and also that first phone bill that about killed my father and Prodigy was a thing of the past for me!)
2.  Ferris Bueller and Sloane Peterson could be their parents.

3.  States and Velcro parents have always been requiring that they wear their bike helmets.  (We NEVER wore helmets... and I can't tell you how many times I've fallen on my head - then again maybe that explains something...)

4.  The only significant labor disputes in their lifetimes have been in major league sports.

5. There have always been at least two women on the Supreme Court, and women have always commanded U.S. Navy ships.

6.  They “swipe” cards, not merchandise.

7.  As they’ve grown up on websites and cell phones, adult experts have constantly fretted about their alleged deficits of empathy and concentration. (I didn't even get my first cell phone until I was leaving for college and my overly protective parents only got me one because I was driving back and forth to school)

8.  Their school’s “blackboards” have always been getting smarter. (What is life when there are only whiteboards and no one has that chalk dust that gets EVERYWHERE)

9.  “Don’t touch that dial!”….what dial?

10.  American tax forms have always been available in Spanish.

11. More Americans have always traveled to Latin America than to Europe.

12.  Amazon has never been just a river in South America. (Ouch... I always think of the River!)

13.  Refer to LBJ, and they might assume you're talking about LeBron James. (REALLY?!?)

14.  All their lives, Whitney Houston has always been declaring “I Will Always Love You.”

15. O.J. Simpson has always been looking for the killers of Nicole Simpson and Ronald Goldman.

16.  Women have never been too old to have children.

17.  Japan has always been importing rice.

18.  Jim Carrey has always been bigger than a pet detective.

19.  We have never asked, and they have never had to tell.  

20.  Life has always been like a box of chocolates. (I remember watching the movie!)

21.  They’ve always gone to school with Mohammed and Jesus.

22.  John Wayne Bobbitt has always slept with one eye open. (I remember watching the trial in the middle of the day with a friend of mine and trying to figure out how it all was possible!)

23. There has never been an official Communist Party in Russia.

24.  “Yadda, yadda, yadda” has always come in handy to make long stories short.

25.  Video games have always had ratings.

26. Chicken soup has always been soul food.

27.  The Rocky Horror Picture Show has always been available on TV.

28.  Jimmy Carter has always been a smiling elderly man who shows up on TV to promote fair elections and disaster relief.

29.  Arnold Palmer has always been a drink.

30.  Dial-up is soooooooooo last century!

31.  Women have always been kissing women on television. (I remember when "the kiss" was SUCH a big deal. 

32. Their older siblings have told them about the days when Britney Spears, Justin Timberlake and Christina Aguilera were Mouseketeers.

33,  Faux Christmas trees have always outsold real ones.

34.  They’ve always been able to dismiss boring old ideas with “been there, done that, gotten the T-shirt.”

35.  The bloody conflict between the government and a religious cult has always made Waco sound a little whacko.

36.  Unlike their older siblings, they spent bedtime on their backs until they learned to roll over.

37.  Music has always been available via free downloads. (I remember when I got my first CD - Janet Jackson - AGAIN and how seriously excited I was!)

39.  Grown-ups have always been arguing about health care policy.

40.  Moderate amounts of red wine and baby aspirin have always been thought good for the heart.

41.  Sears has never sold anything out of a Big Book that could also serve as a doorstop.

42.  The United States has always been shedding fur.

43.  Electric cars have always been humming in relative silence on the road.

44. No longer known for just gambling and quickie divorces, Nevada has always been one of the fastest growing states in the Union.

45. They’re the first generation to grow up hearing about the dangerous overuse of antibiotics. (Aren't anti-biotics the sure for everything.  You used to go into the doctor and the first thing they did was write you a Rx for Penicillin. 

46.  They pressured their parents to take them to Taco Bell or Burger King to get free pogs.

47.  Russian courts have always had juries.

48.  No state has ever failed to observe Martin Luther King Day.

49.  While they’ve been playing outside, their parents have always worried about nasty new bugs borne by birds and mosquitoes.

50.  Public schools have always made space available for advertising.

51. Some of them have been inspired to actually cook by watching the Food Channel.

52.  Fidel Castro’s daughter and granddaughter have always lived in the United States.

53.  Their parents have always been able to create a will and other legal documents online.

54.  Charter schools have always been an alternative.

55. They’ve grown up with George Stephanopoulos as the Dick Clark of political analysts.

56.  New kids have always been known as NKOTB.

57.  They’ve always wanted to be like Shaq or Kobe: Michael Who? (something is seriously wrong when the generation doesn't know MICHAEL JORDAN)

58.  They’ve often broken up with their significant others via texting, Facebook, or MySpace.

59.  Their parents sort of remember Woolworths as this store that used to be downtown.

60.  Kim Jong-il has always been bluffing, but the West has always had to take him seriously.

61.  Frasier, Sam, Woody and Rebecca have never Cheerfully frequented a bar in Boston during primetime.

62.  Major League Baseball has never had fewer than three divisions and never lacked a wild card entry in the playoffs.

63.  Nurses have always been in short supply.

64,  They won’t go near a retailer that lacks a website.

65.  Altar girls have never been a big deal.

66.  When they were 3, their parents may have battled other parents in toy stores to buy them a Tickle Me Elmo while they lasted. (at THREE, seriously, they were THREE?)

65.  It seems the United States has always been looking for an acceptable means of capital execution.

66. Folks in Hanoi and Ho Chi Minh City have always been able to energize with Pepsi Cola.

67.  Andy Warhol is a museum in Pittsburgh.

68.  They’ve grown up hearing about suspiciously vanishing frogs.

69.  They’ve always had the privilege of talking with a chatterbot.

70.  Refugees and prisoners have always been housed by the U.S. government at Guantanamo.

71.  Women have always been Venusians; men, Martians.

72.  McDonalds coffee has always been just a little too hot to handle.

73.  “PC” has come to mean Personal Computer, not Political Correctness.

74.  The New York Times and the Boston Globe have never been rival newspapers.

Proper English words

So, I'm not a huge fan of slang.  In fact, I don't like it at all.  Even when texting I use "real" words and never the stupid ur, gr8, y blah, blah. 

Today, the Concise Oxford Dictionary released their list of new words added to the dictionary.  400 New words were added.

How about:

- Retweet (Twitter has gotten that big? I still only really use it to get my breaking news!)

- Woot (what the hell does this even mean!)

- Sexting  (I guess this gives legitimacy to sexting, and I'm not so sure about that.  It's overused and it annoys me sometimes!!  Hey boys, you can have a "normal" conversation without sexting, right?)

- Cyberbulling (Finally one that makes some sense.  This shit is real and scares me - especially for kids!)

- jeggings (NO! Don't make this a word, that means that they might be around for awhile, OUCH!!)

- mankini (no, no, no.  Why the hell is this a real word!)

- Domestic Goddness (otherwise a kept woman who doesn't do shit! - Mothers are to be on a pedestal, but women who stay home without kids really makes me wonder!)

You're drinking WHAT?

What you drink says a lot about you, but what?  Yahoo's shine released this list - What do you think?

Martini: If you're a guy, you're trying to impress (and it's probably working). If you're a girl drinking a dirty martini, you're a hot mess: the dirtier, the messier, the hotter.  If you are a guy, you are probably a super metrosexual...


Vodka on the Rocks: Too self-conscious to actually order a martini.

White Russian: Obsessed with The Big Lebowski, and probably The Daily Show. Or, you just like to drink dessert.  Or just bizarre.

Bud Light: You're easy going, laid back, and at home at a sports bar. If you're a girl, you know how to hang with the guys.  How about a cheapass who like pissbeer? 

Stella Artois: You have no particular knowledge or affinity towards beer so you just order "Stella" cause it's familiar.

Lillet/Campari/Aperol: You're twee, and possibly like to throw around words like "mixology."  Umm, what?

Vodka Cranberry: When in doubt, you stick to what you drank in college.  A screwdriver for me.  Sometimes simplistic is better.

White Wine: You're definitely a woman. You're possibly a little uptight.  And you just scream HIGH MAINTENANCE

Prosecco: You're often a little uptight, but tonight you're looking to party.

Whiskey, neat: You're hot. Regardless of gender.  I'm not so sure how I feel about a woman drinking whiskey

Jager: Secretly wishing you were hanging out with your buddies.

Vodka Gimlet: You're a huge dork, but you hope sort of in a cool way?

Appletini: You've left the kids with a sitter and you're ready to have fun!  Don't knock them - they are good.

Pimm's Cup: You're an Anglophile.

Old-Fashioned: Mad Men is your favorite show: you either want to be, or have sex with, Don Draper.

Margarita, on the rocks: You've decided to have a good time tonight.

Margarita, frozen: You're in Cabo.

PBR: You're drinking quickly on your way to a non-profit fundraiser, followed by a poetry reading in a former industrial warehouse.

Tequila Shots: You're either getting laid, or just getting through it.  And don't care about waking up in the morning in a mood to do anything.

Long Island Iced Tea: You have a drinking problem.  or want to get drunk (really) quickly.

A beer, while at a Cocktail Bar: Overprotective of your manhood or unadventurous.

A cocktail, while at a dive bar: Insufferable.

Butt Alert!! Butt slasher on the prawl.

For all you young women in the DC Metro area, watch out!  There is a butt stabber on the loose!

The stabber, an Hispanic, wearing long pants and a short sleeve shirt has been literally stabbing women in their late teen's and early 20's in the butt while they are shopping.  So far 5 butt stabbings have taken place since February.   The latest victim believes she had been cut by one of the hangers in the store, but low and behold, her pants had been slashed by a razor blade. 

Watch out ladies! :)