Click... Click... Oh crap, that's my FRIEND!

There is something strange about running across a friend, a coworker or even an acquaintance when you are searching online profiles.  I don't know what it is, but it still feels a little creepy to see someone you know. 

Online dating isn't the "strange" thing it used to be.  Back in the day when I started searching online (geez, I sound old), searching online for love was seen as more geeky or dare I say... desperate.  But these days it's perfectly the norm.  In fact you hear more often about people meeting ONLINE than offline through one of the other old school methods.

Tonight, while I was eating I was casually swiping through Tinder.  I don't take Tinder very seriously  -- but honestly, you never know where you are going to meet someone interesting, even if it's just good for a short conversation.  But imagine my surprise when I saw not only 1, but 2 people I know relatively well.  And I can't explain why, but I feel embarrassed that I saw them, it's like it's some big secret. 

Even more interesting....  I've run across many of my friends, coworkers and acquaintances on these online dating sites.  But what I find MOST interesting is seeing those who you thought were in a relationship.  And then you end up in this very awkward situation... do you ask the person if they are no longer in a relationship, do you call them out on being on such-and-such site, do you ask them if they broke up with their significant other? 

All these questions, and I have no answers.  Do you??  Comment away!

Glitter Update, we were punked....

So last week I posted about a new website where you could glitter bomb anyone for the low low price of $8.00.  Turns out the whole thing was a marketing stunt, and a good one at that.

Matthew Carpenter, who created the site, did so in response to a ... "a New Year's resolution to work on more side projects to keep him occupied whilst improving my marketing & development skills."  Personally, it sounds like he needed shit to do and maybe should think about going a club or something.

Although, I will give it to him, the story caught on and articles were published EVERYWHERE.  And he did pay off for him as he sold the website last week for $85,000.

But... never fear, there still are places you can order a glitter bomb, etsy.com has had a string of glitter bomb offerings such as this GlitterBombShop etsy store.  Of course, etsy is the same place where people are selling glitter pills  as a "joke" but people are buying the pills so their poo glitters.  Hey, whatever floats your boat people!

At least it's not your mother... Overbearing Mother Alert!

Apparently instagram is all the rage these days.  The young kids have given up on facebook (and probably have never even heard of myspace... yes, I'm showing my age).  I joined instagram about a year ago, and it's fun...  based on pictures rather than text and such. 

BUT, last night I discovered one of the flat-out funniest instagram accounts yet.  You need to start to follow it right now! 

We don't know full details, but the instagram account is owned and controlled by a young woman named Kate who appears to be in her late 20's.  Kate has a boyfriend, which her mother refers to as "superjew" and lives in Brooklyn.  Her mother is not so gently pushing both engagement and children in the least subtle way possible.  While her mom's text would drive me crazy, Kate's posts are entertaining the masses (191K followers as of right now) 

I kind of feel sorry for Kate, but it's hilarious.  Start following the instagram account right away (@crazyjewishmom) and be prepared to laugh.  Kate also posts on facebook (www.facebook.com/crazyjewishmom), twitter (@crazyjewishmom) and even has an email address (crazyjewishmom@gmail.com) - so obviously.... all bases are covered.  Here are a couple of my favorites for you to enjoy before you add her friendship.

What a greeting first thing in the morning...

  

On Attracting men... (Crazyjewishmom is BIG on makeup and full makeup 100% of the time)

On dating... She wants that grandchild NOW

 

On Life Goals...

On Meeting the parents...

On Staying Safe... Mom thinks that Brooklyn is the single most unsafe place on the planet

You are HOW old?!!

First off, I'm a huge fan of the punctuation mark "?!?"  Its for those of us who don't really want to chose a punctuation but also want to add that extra special emphasis.  Now, I thought that comment was going to just be a random tangent... but it actually makes sense in this context... 

So, looking through Tinder profiles is infinitely amusing.  The one thing I find amusing is how guys in the same age range look SO drastically different.  I'm not talking about a couple of wrinkles, but I'm talking straight up like a teenager or looking so haggard they look like they have one foot in the grave.  I like to use one of my favorite phrases my lovely father taught me at way too young of an age -- but my family was very funny.  Anyway, what I wanted to say is that a number of these guys look like they were rode hard and put away wet (it works better if we are insulting men, but just deal with it right now)

Here is a small sampling of Tinder "Profiles" for guys between 30 and 35.  As a random sample (truly random), I just copied the handful of pictures that first came up and had a decent face shot.  So... what do you think? 

You can't make this shit up. Menswear showing his manhood

File this under... you can't make this shit up (one of my all time favorite phrases, and I probably highly overuse it, but deal with it, ok?) 

Just last week, male and female supermodels strutted the catwalk at Paris Fashion week.  Honestly, fashion isn't a thing I usually follow.  I like the classic styling - clothes that will never go out of style, it might be boring - but it's more practical and if I'm anything, I'm practical (thrift stores for the win!).  But... this year's fashion week had a bit of a shocking trend....

Men with their JUNK hanging out

Yes, men were strutting the runway with their twig and berries just flapping in the wind.  I've seen the NSFW pictures and it's not pretty, I can't even imagine seeing a video, or god forbid the show in person.  Can you imagine, you are sitting in the front row, waiting for some avant-garde fashion (hey, I've watched Project Runway, I'm not totally fashion illiterate) and then you look up and right into some guys saggy balls?  Yuck!  How the hell do you hide your shock?

Lets just hope to god this trend does not come into the mainstream!

Marriage Material by their name - women's edition

So last week I found a very unscientific poll giving the Top 10 names of Men who are Marriage Material.  

Well, guys... it's now your turn!  Looking for a woman who is marriage material, look for a women with one of the following names:

1.Katie
2.Sophie
3.Louise
4.Sarah
5.Emily
6.Charlotte
7.Elizabeth
8.Amy
9.Jessica
10.Lucy

I won't tell you which one, but I will tell you that MY name is on this list... but that's not done me any favors thus far!

Yes... your penis can be broken. How to avoid such a horrible fate!

First off.... I must tell you about one of my favorite shows.  If you have not yet watched "Sex Sent Me to the ER" on TLC, set your DVR NOW.  The show is flat out hilarious.  Think people doing stupid things while having sex that injures them so badly that they have to go to the ER and sheepishly explain to the ER doc what happened.  As you would expect, most of them lie at first and end up having to tell the truth to get truely "cured."  And in the tradition of TLC medical-based shows such as "I didn't know I was Pregnant (also a goodie!)," "Untold Stories of the ER," and "Trama: Life in the ER" the show includes really cheesy re-enactments that often include actors for every position except the doctor (randomly!!!)  Apparently all the doctors (which are often the same doctors across all of the shows) want to moonlight as actors.

OK, now back to the REAL reason of this writing.  But... I must say that I went off on that tangent because the first time I saw this injury was on "Sex Sent me to the ER".... So....  

Guys, I know you aren't going to like this... but apparently you can break your penis.  Yes, you read that right... YOU... CAN... BREAK... YOUR... DICK.  

How can this possibly happen?  Turns out that the woman is on top sex position is the position that is most likely to end with you breaking your dick. 

Some Brazilian researches looked at 44 cases that involved a "penile fracture" (note: medically

correct term) and in 50% of these cases, the "penile fracture" occurred when the woman was on top, riding your dick.  Second most dangerous, doggy-style which accounted for 29% of the broken dicks.  And lastly missionary caused 21% of the cases.  In all cases, men report hearing a loud cracking followed by a shit-ton of pain.  And the average age for the broken junk - 34!

So guys.... what does this mean?  Have sex at your own risk... And yes, even the thought of this makes me ill too.