Naming a newborn (or preborn) baby is hard work. You have to consider all kinds of things, what the baby's name means, what it can be shortened to (or nicknames) and whether it will lead to your kid being made fun of (which I think if often the last consideration of crazy parents these days). pregnant, nor do I have any kids (yet), but seems everyone around me is popping them out, so I figure this is appropriate. Elizabeth Beller of Babble.com came up with the following list of baby names and what they really mean...
Liam, Nigel, Ian, Jon, Jimmy, Jagger, Slash, Elvis, Nico or Sid
Your own parents were too strict. You longed for a walk on the wild side, wanted to be rocker, but never had the guts to rebel. You want your child to be as fearless as you wished you had been. They will become an accountant or economics professor.
Humm, do we see a pattern here, named after a rocker? But seriously, would you really name your kid Slash or Elvis?? Apparently some people do, and some people are also stupid.
Augustus, Leopold, Cesear, Atticus, Hadrian, Constantin
You have somewhere within you an oligarch with a power complex. You want him to rule and/or cause the bloodshed of millions. Your kid will be nicknamed Augie, Leo or Haddy and be an affable history buff who uses his jetski to save people stranded on their rooftop during hurricane-fueled floods.
Ugh, really? Not one of these names are appropriate for a kid. Maybe a dog, but not a kid.
Jane, Mary, John, Joe, Robert, James
You are grounded and stable, traits that kids deplore. But you are also the kind of supportive parent everyone hopes for and ultimately appreciates. You want your child to have the best chances of self actuality rather than a become a mere mirror of your own ego. They develop their own personality without restraint. Although, since research shows easily pronounced names build self-confidence and therefore beget high achievers, they will have an inflated sense of self and possibly become the James Franco-ish Master of All They Survey brand of smug. Thus alienating themselves into exactly the ostracism you were trying to avoid.
Finally, some names I can get behind. Nice and normal!
Aurora, Evangeline, Florence, Daisy, Savannah, Octavia or Clementine
You probably have a staid name yourself, and are therefore rather traditional but wish you weren't. You're too timid too go for something very unique, so you wax nostalgic on a turn of the century, florid moniker in hope of a serene, ladylike girl who will be bastion of honesty, honor, fairness and virtue. What you're likely to end up with is a raucous provocateur who isn't simply unafraid to voice opinions but feels vehemently obligated to enlighten the ignoramus public around her. She can turn a Tuesday afternoon playdate into Burning Man Junior.
OK, I do like the resurrection of some of the older Victorian names, but only to a point. Lets not go too crazy. And when I hear of Clementine all I think of is Reno 911's Clemmy and I'm not sure that was the demure idea you were going for....
Jackie, Ethel, Joan, Rose, Carolyn, Caroline
You are JFK fans and idealize Camelot. I don't know how the names will shape your girls, but they should avoid hard-drinking Irish men and Chappaquiddick. Make that Massachusetts in general.
I'm not one to make judgements on the Kennedy's. I don't have strong feelings one way or another -- but what you can't argue about is the Kennedy's have some hot looking genes and aren't hurting in the looks department.
Pilot Inspektor, Bronx Mowgli, Blue Ivy, Blanket, Rocky, Moxie Firefighter
You're too famous or delusional to have perspective. You are obsessed with your own specialness and entitlement, and want your child to reflect this. Who can live up to this? They will strain for normality. You'll get a reclusive librarian or the Unabomber.
Don't, just don't. Your kid will thank you some day.
Henry, James, Oliver, Alexander, William, Charles or George
You just want things to run smoothly, and want a stand-up guy to see that through. Secretly you'd hoped to give birth to a practicing corporate lawyer. You will get this. Or a banker.
Good strong names. I can get behind these.
Tiffani, Amber, Cookie, Roxy, Brittany, Britney, or Britteny (But not Honey Boo Boo. She stands alone)
The parents are shy, and feel they missed out on life because of this supposed flaw. In order to save their offspring this kind of regret they name their child what to them epitomizes a dynamic singer, dancer, actor, pageant winner, or cheerleader. Something that screams 'performer".They will get a performer. Just maybe not the type formerly listed. And now I will duck and roll.
Any name that you have seen or heard in a strip club probably should be off limits - but that's just my opinion, you don't need a man looking at your kid and visualizing his favorite "girl" on the pole.
Lion, Tiger, Bear Blue, Crow, or Wolf
You are a sensualist, and want to pass on a love of the basics of life: food, sensation, the earth and especially physical activity. Your child will appreciate these sentiments, and you will have a lifelong companion in enjoying these pursuits once they stop biting their friends.
no. Just no.
