2013 Love Forecast

I'm not sure how much I put in horoscopes and the stars, but why not take what they say as fun.  Who knows, it could be true.  For this year, my Virgo love horoscope says that I'm usually sorting out everyone else's life (guilty), that work demands too much of my brain power (double guilty) and that I need to place my heart above intellectual demands (interesting).  I'm supposed to date for pleasure the first half of the year (what kind of pleasure are we talking about?), and then consider serious commitments around August (humm, ok?).  So, lets see how it turns out for me.  Pre-2013 I've already made some changes to focus more on me than others, so I guess I'm well on my way.


Aries: WinningYou’re a flirty socializer on a mission during the first half of 2013. Uranus may toss you a few sudden, impractical relationships here and there, but you’re more likely to settle into your sofa with a romantic companion after Jupiter plops itself into Cancer in July. Contrary to your natural impulses, Saturn will make you very well-behaved — yes, you’re going to be nice this year!

Taurus: Charismatic
Absorbed as you are by money, work and living the good life, matters of partnership insist on grabbing your attention this year. You can’t buy your way out of trouble, either — and your old, reliable methods of distraction simply won’t work. Step up and embrace your feelings by trading stubborn habits for romantic impulses. With Jupiter’s move into Cancer during the second half of the year, your light touch will melt just about any heart you encounter.

Gemini: CaptivatingA sluggish January will give way to a race toward glory — if you’re prepared to claim your prizes, that is. The final lap of expansion ends in July as Jupiter jumps from Gemini into Cancer, which is when your attention-deficit dating pattern transforms into a series of cozy, tactile flirtations fraught with meaning. Saturn in your house of discipline and routine will keep you in line, so remember: The word is honor, and the prize is love!

Cancer: Thrilling
Since you’re always one to bide your time, 2013 begins with premonitions of fulfillment and ends with a very real possibility of finding The One. Jupiter glides from your house of intuition into your house of new realities right around your birthday this year. The best presents to come include opening yourself up to new love and light. Saturn’s seat in Scorpio gives you the steady, capable energy needed to manifest a dream come true. Give up your mothering/smothering ways and take up romance instead — after all, it’s way more fun for everyone.

Leo: Profound
The deeper side of life beckons in 2013. Early in the year you toy with your love interests, basking in their attention and semi-earnest bids for your heart. As the year progresses, however, Saturn will move more insistently into Scorpio and Jupiter will get cozied up in Cancer, making your appetite for variety fade. The desire to find The One will be a new sensation for you — and you’ll find it to be a journey that you really enjoy, you lucky Leo! There’s a real possibility for big love to come into your life this year — the only question is: Are you ready?

Virgo: Intriguing
With an answer for every problem, you’re usually very busy sorting out everyone else’s life. But being preoccupied like this is no excuse for lacking a love life of your own, and this is the main lesson you need to learn in 2013. While work demands far too much of your brain power, Jupiter’s move into Cancer this summer places the needs of the heart above your intellectual demands. Date for pleasure in the first half of the year (let’s face it, you need it!), and then consider serious romantic options as they crop up closer to your birthday. With Jupiter in your house of hopes and wishes this year, you’ll have no choice but to explore love and joy. Yes, that means you!

Libra: Magnetic
If you could be paid to develop love interests, you’d be very rich indeed. But Saturn in Scorpio is stomping around money matters this year, and that means work, responsibility, and sharp-shooting problems will take priority. Jupiter in Gemini provides ample opportunity for adventure during the first six months of the year, so you won’t be without admirers. Jupiter’s shift into Cancer this summer makes you a very high-profile person of interest. This all means that you don’t have to actually work at finding love in 2013 — rather, it’ll come to you. Do your best, be kind, and enjoy life’s surprises as they appear one by one.

Scorpio: Undeniable
Feeling intense, passionate — and maybe a little bit worried? The universe is working on an upgrade for your life, and it isn’t possible for you to opt out this time. Saturn’s in your sign this year, urging you to be productive in all aspects of your life. For love, it’s doing the right thing: No shortcuts, no fibs, and no sneaking around (if you’ve been guilty of doing so in the past) — it’s serious stuff. Luckily, Jupiter in Gemini gives you lots of opportunities to flirt and experiment with what works best for you, and it will be clear when things don’t work. New adventures beckon in the second half of the year, so date with an open mind and love with an open heart.

Sagittarius: Nimble
Saturn in your house of whispers might make you a bit paranoid — possibly due to the untamed energy of your ruler, Jupiter, in your house of partnership, which encourages many romantic prospects to pursue you at once. Feeling guilty about juggling dates or not following through on your affections? That short attention span of yours should settle down this summer when Jupiter moves into Cancer. By then, you’ll be craving someone to explore the world with and more serious love interests will come into focus. Until then, be good — that way, you won’t be guilty.

Capricorn: Motivated
Getting what you want is normal for you, and working hard, taking on more responsibilities, and getting things done have usually paid off. Love, though, hasn’t always been so easy for you. You’ve been driven to work even harder as Jupiter has rested in Gemini, but when it arrives in Cancer mid-summer, your partnership prospects and romantic escapades will be rejuvenated. Saturn in your house of wish fulfilment takes itself very seriously, so stop working 24/7. It’s time for you to play, flirt, date and interview your potential mates — that’s what 2013 is all about.

Aquarius: Energetic
Career issues are vying for your attention, but Cupid’s sending haphazard, unpredictable arrows that are impossible for you to dodge. Give in to Jupiter’s lucky sprint through your house of romance during the first half of the year. You’re likely to discover significant love interests just as the planets shift back into a more serious work focus for your life overall. The challenge is finding the right work-love balance — it’s a fun game for you to play, as long as love comes first on your list.

Pisces: Dynamic
As the most romantic sign of all, you’re prone to having extreme expectations when it comes to love. The first half of this year is about you getting serious — what do you really want for yourself? Date as much as you can to find out, because this summer will bring on a one-year wave of ardent love interests. Be prepared to consider some serious relationship prospects — but your rose-colored glasses must stay in your pocket, not on your nose, if you want to be successful. For you, clarity is key in 2013.

Was my message lost in cyberspace??

So, it's nearly the new year and I've started to take evaluation of my life.  You know, that BS that thing that is so popular every year at this time...  I cannot tell you how many advertisements I've seen for weight loss, organization, and online dating services.  It all reminds me that I'm still 32 years old and still single.  I'm not one to complain about my biological clock - but dang... tick, tick. It can get lonely out here in the big big world without someone to share everything with.

So, here I am taking stock of my life and decide to again be active on OKCupid.  In the last 3-5 days I cannot tell you how many cute, quirky little fun messages I've sent to guys on okcupid.  I'm sure it's over a dozen or so by now.  And how many messages do you think I've gotten back...

guess...

That's right - ZERO responses.  Talk about yet another blow to the self esteem.  Apparently online dating is not for me.  Then again, I'm not good in person either - so what does that leave me?  SOL, I guess.

Anyway, I'm trying not to give up... it only takes one email and one response to get somewhere, here is hoping it happens soon.

On a side note, I have gotten unsolicited responses.... but they scare me.  Either the guy is married and looking for fun, twice my age, or something in his profile makes ME actually makes my mouth gap open (and it actually does!).

Note, has everyone checked out the Nice Guys of OKCupid, where guys who claim to be the good guys are proven wrong by their own answers!  It's pretty funny, and I wouldn't be surprised if I found one or two (or ten) of the guys that emailed me on there.

For your viewing pleasure....

Ladies, I came across a post of the 12 Biggest Bulges of 2012 on the Frisky.com.  Now, normally I'm not a huge (pun not intended, but it works!) fan of the pants bulge... but some of these guys are pretty impressive - and I surely wouldn't throw them out of bed...  and they rival the Banana Republic Big Bulge man I posted about a while ago.... Ladies (an my lovely gay friends), enjoy!

On a side note, I can remember my first bulge... On the beach at Lake Michigan back in my early youth there was a guy with neon yellow speedos that fit very tightly and nothing was left to the imagination.  Like nothing!  I remember his shorts were so tight you could practically see the blood vessels.  Now let me tell you that's a rather distributing sight for someone still in elementary school!

But on to the bulges...

Jon Hamm

I gotta say, I'm not so sure about this one.  Are those his balls?  If so, where is his junk hiding!  Maybe he just has some kind of ping pong balls or something in his pocket.  Strange....

Bjorn Barrefors

Quite impressive Mr. Swedish man who is obviously gorgeous.  But really, do you want that shit swinging around when you are running?  I would think not.

Ryan Lochte

So, I have a not so secret love affair with Mr. Lochte.  So shoot me.  He might be the only man who I would allow to be in a speedo around me.  Hell, he could be butt ass naked all the time for me.

Henrik Rummel

Ahh, how wonderful a time the Olympics was for the Bulge watchers.  I remember this rower (or conoer, or whatever paddle sport this guy was in) who claimed he didn't have a boner on the medal stand.   But do you blame him?  It's an exciting time.

Channing Tatum

It's quick, but Mr. Tatum's bulge makes a quick appearance.  Then again, this clip was from Magic Mike -- which by the way, I STILL need to see.  Then again, maybe I shouldn't - it might get me too worked up.

Joe Manganiello

Another Magic Mike veteran - it's yet another reason to watch the movie... I wonder if the casting agents made the guys drop their pants before they were cast.  Now that would be a job I could handle.

Dr. Oz

Ok, don't blame me for this one - I'm just copying Frisky's list (and adding my own comments of course), but no matter how much I look at this picture, I'm not impressed.  Are they talking about the slight indention in Dr. Oz's obviously too tight pants, or what?

David Beckham

David Beckham can do no wrong.  While I'm not normally a huge fan of a tattooed man, Mr. Beckham can have me any time.  

Mark Wahlberg

It's hard to believe this man used to be Marky Mark of the Funky Bunch.  He could have easily gone the way of Vanilla Ice (and be randomly flipping houses - what?!?).  But thank god Mark Wahlberg went the way he did - he gets better with age, the man is hot.

Andy Samberg

I am not a fan of Saturday Night Live, so I'm totally clueless when it comes to their "actors" (is that even the right word?).  Andy is definitely packing some heat there though.

Justin Bieber

I kind of feel dirty posting this (is the Biebs even legal yet?), but it's part of their list, so enjoy (I guess.)

Kevin Hart

Dayyymmm, do I need to say more?

Why are you still single?

I'm getting pretty advanced in age as well I've been single for a long time.  So I hear the question "Why are you still single?" all the damn time.  I have to say the absolute worst is when a guy asks you why you are still single.  What the hell are you supposed to say.  Well, here comes eharmony (which I have issues with their website, but some of their advice columns are pretty good).

So... why are you still single?

1. Because you haven’t proposed yet.
great comeback for when you are actually interested in the guy asking the question... not so great if you are answering to family, friends, or some guy you'd rather disappear!

2. Just lucky, I guess.
For those happily single women!

3. Name one married superhero. Exactly.
ha, love this one!  The only married superhero I can think of is the ones in that Pixar movie. 

4. My mail-order spouse should be arriving any day now.
Do they have mail order GROOMS?  And those mail order Brides are pretty scary - just look at any crime TV show - there is always an episode where some crazy murder is around a mail order bride.

5. Because I want my cat to grow up in a stable environment.
A cat?!?  Yeah, probably not the best thing to cite.

6. Jesus was single. Would you be bugging him?
Ha!  Love this... But watch out for those uber Christian types because they will invariably have some arguement

7. Because I keep turning down proposals.
Yes, I'm THAT popular.  Now if only you could keep all the diamonds from all those proposals... only if...

8. Because no company is better than bad company.
Amen!

9. What’s the rush? With a longer life expectancy than previous generations, I can get married later in life and still end up celebrating our 45th wedding anniversary.
Ohh, good one! 

10. True love is worth waiting for. I’m not going to settle just because I’ve been single for a while.
ok, this is a great one.  I think I'm going to start using it.  I'm committing it to memory right now...

Freudian Baby Names?

Naming a newborn (or preborn) baby is hard work.  You have to consider all kinds of things, what the baby's name means, what it can be shortened to (or nicknames) and whether it will lead to your kid being made fun of (which I think if often the last consideration of crazy parents these days).  pregnant, nor do I have any kids (yet), but seems everyone around me is popping them out, so I figure this is appropriate.  Elizabeth Beller of Babble.com came up with the following list of baby names and what they really mean...

 

Liam, Nigel, Ian, Jon, Jimmy, Jagger, Slash, Elvis, Nico or Sid

Your own parents were too strict. You longed for a walk on the wild side, wanted to be rocker, but never had the guts to rebel. You want your child to be as fearless as you wished you had been. They will become an accountant or economics professor.
Humm, do we see a pattern here, named after a rocker?  But seriously, would you really name your kid Slash or Elvis??  Apparently some people do, and some people are also stupid.

Augustus, Leopold, Cesear, Atticus, Hadrian, Constantin

You have somewhere within you an oligarch with a power complex. You want him to rule and/or cause the bloodshed of millions. Your kid will be nicknamed Augie, Leo or Haddy and be an affable history buff who uses his jetski to save people stranded on their rooftop during hurricane-fueled floods.
Ugh, really?  Not one of these names are appropriate for a kid. Maybe a dog, but not a kid.

Jane, Mary, John, Joe, Robert, James

You are grounded and stable, traits that kids deplore. But you are also the kind of supportive parent everyone hopes for and ultimately appreciates. You want your child to have the best chances of self actuality rather than a become a mere mirror of your own ego. They develop their own personality without restraint. Although, since research shows easily pronounced names build self-confidence and therefore beget high achievers, they will have an inflated sense of self and possibly become the James Franco-ish Master of All They Survey brand of smug. Thus alienating themselves into exactly the ostracism you were trying to avoid.
Finally, some names I can get behind.  Nice and normal!

 

Aurora, Evangeline, Florence, Daisy, Savannah, Octavia or Clementine

You probably have a staid name yourself, and are therefore rather traditional but wish you weren't. You're too timid too go for something very unique, so you wax nostalgic on a turn of the century, florid moniker in hope of a serene, ladylike girl who will be bastion of honesty, honor, fairness and virtue. What you're likely to end up with is a raucous provocateur who isn't simply unafraid to voice opinions but feels vehemently obligated to enlighten the ignoramus public around her. She can turn a Tuesday afternoon playdate into Burning Man Junior.
OK, I do like the resurrection of some of the older Victorian names, but only to a point.  Lets not go too crazy.  And when I hear of Clementine all I think of is Reno 911's Clemmy and I'm not sure that was the demure idea you were going for....

 

Jackie, Ethel, Joan, Rose, Carolyn, Caroline

You are JFK fans and idealize Camelot. I don't know how the names will shape your girls, but they should avoid hard-drinking Irish men and Chappaquiddick. Make that Massachusetts in general.
I'm not one to make judgements on the Kennedy's.  I don't have strong feelings one way or another  -- but what you can't argue about is the Kennedy's have some hot looking genes and aren't hurting in the looks department.  

Pilot Inspektor, Bronx Mowgli, Blue Ivy, Blanket, Rocky, Moxie Firefighter

You're too famous or delusional to have perspective. You are obsessed with your own specialness and entitlement, and want your child to reflect this. Who can live up to this? They will strain for normality. You'll get a reclusive librarian or the Unabomber.
Don't, just don't.  Your kid will thank you some day.

Henry, James, Oliver, Alexander, William, Charles or George

You just want things to run smoothly, and want a stand-up guy to see that through. Secretly you'd hoped to give birth to a practicing corporate lawyer. You will get this. Or a banker.
Good strong names.  I can get behind these.

Tiffani, Amber, Cookie, Roxy, Brittany, Britney, or Britteny (But not Honey Boo Boo. She stands alone)

The parents are shy, and feel they missed out on life because of this supposed flaw. In order to save their offspring this kind of regret they name their child what to them epitomizes a dynamic singer, dancer, actor, pageant winner, or cheerleader. Something that screams 'performer".They will get a performer. Just maybe not the type formerly listed. And now I will duck and roll.
Any name that you have seen or heard in a strip club probably should be off limits - but that's just my opinion, you don't need a man looking at your kid and visualizing his favorite "girl" on the pole.

Lion, Tiger, Bear Blue, Crow, or Wolf

You are a sensualist, and want to pass on a love of the basics of life: food, sensation, the earth and especially physical activity. Your child will appreciate these sentiments, and you will have a lifelong companion in enjoying these pursuits once they stop biting their friends.
no.  Just no.

Porn induced short term memory loss....

A new study by German scientists has shown that viewing pornographic images greatly affects the short term memory... squirrel!

The scientists asked 28 heterosexual men to view a combination of pornographic and non pornographic images and then asked to keep the order of the images straight.  They were asked to identify if an image had been seen four slides before.... squirrel!  Significantly more men answered the question wrong when they were viewing pornographic images vs non pornographic images.  In fact, when shown non pornographic images they answered the question right 80% of the time, but when faced with the hot images of women their score dropped to 87%.

And why in the hell did they do this kind of study?  Turns out that Internet porn addicts miss appointments, neglect relationship and even fail to sleep at huge rates.  Apparently watching porn can affect a brain so much that it causes parts of the brain to actually shut down and redirect the blood flow to portions of the brain that are responsible for sexual arousal. ... squirrel!

Personally, I wonder if it's not just the blood flow going to other parts of the brain, but other parts of the body!  I've known some guys who act pretty damn stupid if their penis is up. 

The perfect woman...

Men's Health came up with a list of 11 traits that make up the perfect woman.  Do you agree?  Are you the perfect woman?  I'm certainly not, but I do get 6 checks.  Is that passing?

1. You laugh at their jokes -- check... IF they are funny.  But funny can be subjective.
2. You're 2-4 years younger than they are  -- So, I'm looking for a guy 34-36ish... OK... 1/2 check
3. You have a nice smile -- I've been told I have a nice smile, BUT that guy might be trying to get into my pants.  We will give me another half check
4. You have big breasts -- check!  No debate here.
5. You have long legs -- yeah, not checked.  I have short stumpy legs, not quite midget like, but pretty damn close
6. You have your own career and money -- Well, I have a career and a paycheck... no extra money in the bank.  So 1/2 check.
7. You have little feet -- Check..Yes, I have teeny kid sized feet.  Guess the average guy has a foot fetish
8. You're educated -- Check, bachelors and masters degrees.. . but educated doesn't necessarily mean "book educated"  I've met some amazingly smart people who didn't attend college - and some amazingly stupid people that have advanced degrees (have you met some of these lawyers and doctors?!?)
9. You wear red -- Check, I have red but it's not my favorite color and I don't wear it all the time!
10. You have narrow hips -- No check.  I shall have what we call "child bearing hips"
11. You have brown hair -- No check.  I have naturally blond hair.