So I'm back dating... again... and I will have to say that I'm not a huge fan of first (or second or third...) dates. I don't like the getting to know each other part. But then again, I'm not very good with change. I like to have someone who I just connect with at a deep level without much work.
(crazy enough, with my last relationship it only took a single look for me to know that we had something, alas, it wasn't meant to last... but we never had those awkward silences or quiet moments)
But, I'm back dating and the absolute worst part of the date is when it comes that time for the check to come. That terrfying moment when the waiter sets down that fake leather folder. I never know what to do. Do I offer to pay half, some, or all of the check? Do I even mention it at all? Ugh, I hate it.
On today's date I let him pay the check at the resterant (not even offering), but then we went to Starbucks and I insisted on paying there. I hope I made the right call, and I think it's a very personal thing. Some men take offense to a woman offering, some men take offense to a woman NOT offering. You really can't win, and that's only on the first date.
How about dates 2, 3.... 10?
So, what do you do?
There is the philopsophy that because women spend much more money making themselves "datable" we shouldn't have to pay. Looking good is expensive... Think about all the extra money we have to spend on accessories, hair care, makeup... etc. The list is extensive. I would dare say that it's much more expensive to be a woman in general than it is a man... but there are obviously exceptions to that rule.
I found on NBC that in the dating group of 35 and under (I still have one more year!), nearly 66% of women offer to pay for dates, but of those 39% hope the man turns down the offer and 44% are annoyed if he takes her up on the offer.
But what about guys? Are they going to take offense or even be put off if a woman offers to pay? More than 75% of men say they feel guilty about a woman chippping in for the date. And that leads to the bad part.... 16% of men believe that if he pays the woman owes him sexual favors (ugh! OWES him?!?). But in the lovely millenials (21 and under), a whopping 21% of "boys" believe that a woman should put out if he pays ... Remind me not to date a guy who is 21 (then again, I'm not looking to be a cougar anytime soon). When it comes to women, roughly one third believe that offering to pay decreases the pressure to have sex. Seriously?!? I have never felt pressure to put out because some guy paid for my dinner. I'm surprised the number is so high
I'm not sure there is a good answer, or if we will ever come up with one. Until then I will continue to make that awkward lean towards the check or offer to split, if I can get it out through my panic attack of the bill being set down.
Monday, September 1, 2014
Sunday, August 31, 2014
Is bigger better?
OK, mind out of the gutters, please! I'm talking about HEIGHT here.
As you might (or might not be aware), I'm single again through no fault of my own (thankyouverymuch!) To that end, I reactivated my Tinder Account. Now for those who aren't aware, Tinder's primary purpose was to connect to men or woman (or hell - both) who are near your GPS coordinates.... (yes, I know, I know... privacy violations and all that - but I don't care!). Tinder has a very basic premise. A handful of pictures (I think no more than 6 or so) are uploaded to the app from your facebook profile pictures (which ... as a note, PLEASE double check which pictures are loading - do you really want to have a picture of you and an ex all snuggled up, or a goofy picture of yourself laying on the mall and pretending the Washington monument is your dick...(*that's a whole other topic!).
So to continue on a long story that should be really short, the idea behind Tinder is very basic and honestly superficial as hell. After looking at a persons picture - and a VERY short message (if you even get to that point), you swipe left for not interested or right saying you are interested. If both you and the other person swipe yes, then you are matched and can use the Tinder messaging app.
Now that I have that huge background gotten out of the way, I want to comment on ONE thing on Tinder that seems to come up over and over again in the short profiles provided (and it's NOT asked - the "profile" portion is a free form text field where you can put anything.) So, that one thing... it's a guy's height. From what I gather, a man's height is the #1 thing that is of concern to most women. I personally think that's crazy. Then again at 5 foot tall, I don't often encounter men who are smaller than me. Well... I did go on two different dates who two different guys who were shorter than me (again... another story - guess, I need to start blogging again!
So, I decided to do a little bit of research... Does height really make that much of a difference. According to eharmony (which I'm skeptical about eharmony due to my rejections - but I will say some of their advice columns actually make sense). So apparently women prefer taller men nearly exclusively. In a study of 720 couples, in only ONE case was the man taller than the woman. Apparently, height is considered a masculine characteristic and taller men seem more dominant and assertive (according to some study by some guy somewhere). In evoluntary terms... a larger man was better able to provide more protection for their woman and kids and gave the taller man a better social status.
While that was evolutionary type research, in today's day and age, women still value taller men because they are often seen as more powerful and attractive - and being with them ups their social status. It's likely that women who are paired with taller men feel smaller, more protected and perhaps even more "feminine." Now there isn't a tried and true height cut off, most women just prefer their man be taller than them (for me... I want to be able to wear my 4" heels).
So back to the Tinder thing. I would say nearly 75% of the small profile section has the man's height pointed out. Are women that superficial that physical looks and tall height is the only thing we are looking for. Of course, Tinder is an inherently superficial way to meet people. Hell, following my breakup a couple of months ago I got on Tinder just for an ego boost. All I wanted was for men to say I was hot - and that they did! It was great for the self esteem.
As you might (or might not be aware), I'm single again through no fault of my own (thankyouverymuch!) To that end, I reactivated my Tinder Account. Now for those who aren't aware, Tinder's primary purpose was to connect to men or woman (or hell - both) who are near your GPS coordinates.... (yes, I know, I know... privacy violations and all that - but I don't care!). Tinder has a very basic premise. A handful of pictures (I think no more than 6 or so) are uploaded to the app from your facebook profile pictures (which ... as a note, PLEASE double check which pictures are loading - do you really want to have a picture of you and an ex all snuggled up, or a goofy picture of yourself laying on the mall and pretending the Washington monument is your dick...(*that's a whole other topic!). Now that I have that huge background gotten out of the way, I want to comment on ONE thing on Tinder that seems to come up over and over again in the short profiles provided (and it's NOT asked - the "profile" portion is a free form text field where you can put anything.) So, that one thing... it's a guy's height. From what I gather, a man's height is the #1 thing that is of concern to most women. I personally think that's crazy. Then again at 5 foot tall, I don't often encounter men who are smaller than me. Well... I did go on two different dates who two different guys who were shorter than me (again... another story - guess, I need to start blogging again!
So, I decided to do a little bit of research... Does height really make that much of a difference. According to eharmony (which I'm skeptical about eharmony due to my rejections - but I will say some of their advice columns actually make sense). So apparently women prefer taller men nearly exclusively. In a study of 720 couples, in only ONE case was the man taller than the woman. Apparently, height is considered a masculine characteristic and taller men seem more dominant and assertive (according to some study by some guy somewhere). In evoluntary terms... a larger man was better able to provide more protection for their woman and kids and gave the taller man a better social status.
While that was evolutionary type research, in today's day and age, women still value taller men because they are often seen as more powerful and attractive - and being with them ups their social status. It's likely that women who are paired with taller men feel smaller, more protected and perhaps even more "feminine." Now there isn't a tried and true height cut off, most women just prefer their man be taller than them (for me... I want to be able to wear my 4" heels). So back to the Tinder thing. I would say nearly 75% of the small profile section has the man's height pointed out. Are women that superficial that physical looks and tall height is the only thing we are looking for. Of course, Tinder is an inherently superficial way to meet people. Hell, following my breakup a couple of months ago I got on Tinder just for an ego boost. All I wanted was for men to say I was hot - and that they did! It was great for the self esteem.
Wednesday, August 27, 2014
Creativity Lost...
So... back on the online dating trip. And a trip it is. Not a good one that's for damn sure.
The stories I have -- mostly bad -- are numerous!
But, my biggest complaint to date is the complete lack of creativity in some messages. When I'm talking about lack of creativity.... I'm talking about absolutely zero.
Twice in the past week I've gotten messages that are nearly identical from the same guy twice. One... months afterwards was nearly the exact same. And the other, also nearly the exact same was not even 20 days apart.
Now, don't get be wrong. I think that first message and first contact is difficult. You want to be witty and cute and not look like you are trying too hard. You don't want to spend a long time on a message that could basically be ignored (been there, done that) - but please don't overuse the copy and paste.
Feel free to judge away.
The stories I have -- mostly bad -- are numerous!
But, my biggest complaint to date is the complete lack of creativity in some messages. When I'm talking about lack of creativity.... I'm talking about absolutely zero.
Twice in the past week I've gotten messages that are nearly identical from the same guy twice. One... months afterwards was nearly the exact same. And the other, also nearly the exact same was not even 20 days apart.
Now, don't get be wrong. I think that first message and first contact is difficult. You want to be witty and cute and not look like you are trying too hard. You don't want to spend a long time on a message that could basically be ignored (been there, done that) - but please don't overuse the copy and paste.
Feel free to judge away.
Thursday, August 7, 2014
Mid 30's and still single, what's wrong with you?
So... I've always had a thought in my head, when you are mid 30's or god forbid 40s and still single what does that mean? My gut reaction is that unless you have a very good reason (divorce serving in the peace corps, a super heavy concentration on a very demanding career, a series of long relationships that just didn't work out, etc) there is something inherently wrong with you...
Then I realize, shit... I'm turning 34 at the end of this month and I'm still single. I am not divorced, didn't spend any time in the peace corps (or military) serving overseas, don't have that spectular of a career, and haven't had many long term relationships. Does that make me one of the problems? I hope to think not, but ...
If I meet someone like me, who is still single at my age (or older), I will still judge them. Good or bad. I think it's just part of the judging process, much like anything else is. I just can't help myself. Can you?
Then I realize, shit... I'm turning 34 at the end of this month and I'm still single. I am not divorced, didn't spend any time in the peace corps (or military) serving overseas, don't have that spectular of a career, and haven't had many long term relationships. Does that make me one of the problems? I hope to think not, but ...
If I meet someone like me, who is still single at my age (or older), I will still judge them. Good or bad. I think it's just part of the judging process, much like anything else is. I just can't help myself. Can you?
Wednesday, August 6, 2014
The dangers of online dating
So, after a short but very intense relationship that sadly ended (boo hoo!), I'm back in the dating game. Good or bad, I'm not a big fan of the beginning stages of dating. It's absolutely exhausting trying to see if you and the potential guy have enough in common to actually go out, and after that if you have enough in common to actually continue dating. All of the pictures here are actual emails I've gotten in the past couple of days.
I find online dating the easiest for me. It's all about volume, you can browse a huge number of guys in a short amount of time. Hell, you can take a 5 (or 30) min break at work and find a couple potential suitors. I prefer to like/wink/star and play the passive aggressive route. But if I see a good ad I might take the couple of minutes to come up with a decent response. But it's such a drag if you spend a good amount of time coming up with a cute, attractive and witty message and you don't get any response.
But, saying all of that.... I want to pass along a couple of my pet peeves.
1. If I say "x" is a deal breaker, don't email me and ask if it's OK. I have only a small handful of deal breakers.
2. Please write in coherent thoughts and sentences. And DO not use texting short hand - most of us have smart phones so even if you are on your phone you have a full QWERTY keyboard. I'm not asking for complete and 100% correct grammar - but if I need to ask a teenager to translate your message, you might want to rethink your apprach
3. Your online pictures should not include the following: a wedding ring, a significant other, only "parts" of your body, or your head cut off. And seriously... don't send a "message" with a dick pic, and ONLY a dick pic. I'm not sure that's ever worked and yet many guys continue to do it.
4. Please be age (+/- 10 years is almost acceptable) and geographically appropriate (>an hours drive, and that's PUSHING it). Telling me you "travel" to the area often or are willing to relocate is kind of creepy.
5. Do not be offended if someone doesn't respond right away. Desperation is not sexy. Believe it or not, I might be online dating, but that doesn't mean I'm on my computer all the time.
6. If you aren't interested in the person, or feel the need to make fun of them, just don't send the email, ok?
Anyone have any others?
I find online dating the easiest for me. It's all about volume, you can browse a huge number of guys in a short amount of time. Hell, you can take a 5 (or 30) min break at work and find a couple potential suitors. I prefer to like/wink/star and play the passive aggressive route. But if I see a good ad I might take the couple of minutes to come up with a decent response. But it's such a drag if you spend a good amount of time coming up with a cute, attractive and witty message and you don't get any response.
But, saying all of that.... I want to pass along a couple of my pet peeves.
1. If I say "x" is a deal breaker, don't email me and ask if it's OK. I have only a small handful of deal breakers.
2. Please write in coherent thoughts and sentences. And DO not use texting short hand - most of us have smart phones so even if you are on your phone you have a full QWERTY keyboard. I'm not asking for complete and 100% correct grammar - but if I need to ask a teenager to translate your message, you might want to rethink your apprach
3. Your online pictures should not include the following: a wedding ring, a significant other, only "parts" of your body, or your head cut off. And seriously... don't send a "message" with a dick pic, and ONLY a dick pic. I'm not sure that's ever worked and yet many guys continue to do it.
4. Please be age (+/- 10 years is almost acceptable) and geographically appropriate (>an hours drive, and that's PUSHING it). Telling me you "travel" to the area often or are willing to relocate is kind of creepy.
6. If you aren't interested in the person, or feel the need to make fun of them, just don't send the email, ok?
Anyone have any others?
Monday, May 6, 2013
How much do you like those nuggets?
Ms. Khadijah who lives in Los Angeles was just arrested just trying to get her beloved McNuggets. Did she try to steal them? Nope, She stood outside the drive-through and offered blow job's for an order of McNuggets. I really hope she was offering the BJ for the 20 pack and not just the measly 4 nugget Happy Meal portion. Although that does bring a whole new definition to "Happy Meal"
Did she get her nuggets before getting arrested? Nope... Poor woman! All she got was a misdemeanor solicitation charge.
Wednesday, May 1, 2013
Instructional videos for kink.
I'm a huge fan of BuzzFeed. Like huge fan. I can go on the website and literally get sucked in for hours. And don't even get me started on how many damn links from there I share on my facebook page - my friends must get annoyed... but it's SO good. That would be my dream job - to search the internet for random shit to post... oh wait, I do that here - and you people don't even pay me for it!
Anyway, I happen to click on a link with the title, "9 Ways To Tell Them What You Really Want" It's all and good, but nothing earth shattering. Until I came across #4 Don't Be Ashamed about How you Feel. The topic isn't all that great, but the website they shared was....
Did you know that there is a website out there called Kink Academy. Apparently Kink Academy is website with "More than 1093 videos, over 100 educators, available 24/7."
I was thinking that I was going to come across some kind of weird sex video website. But no, Kink Academy is like sex education for adults. There are all kinds of instructional videos for all the following:
Kink: BDSM, Dominance & submission, Rope Bondage, Mind Fucks, Impact Play, Play Piercing, Erotic Embarrassment, Forced Orgasm, Chastity, Electricity Play, Caning, Sado-Masochism, Corset Training, Spanking, Strap-On Sex, Violet Wand
Relationships: Polyamory, Swinging, Communication, Gender Awareness, 24/7 BDSM Relationships, Fantasy Exploration, Play Party Etiquette, Understanding Boundaries, Sex & Disability, Building Confidence
Sensuality: Massage & Sensual Touch, Kissing, Strap-On Play, Energetic Sex, Sensation Play, Body Language, Group Sex, G-Spot Play, Masturbation, Flirting, Body Worship, Genital Massage, Anal Sex
Health & Wellness: Anatomy for BDSM, Safer Sex Practices, Aging & Intimacy, Sexual Addiction & Compulsivity, Legal Concerns for Various Lifestyles, Risk Awareness
So.... if you are interested in any of the kinky stuff - why not look up some videos and learn the "right" way.
Anyway, I happen to click on a link with the title, "9 Ways To Tell Them What You Really Want" It's all and good, but nothing earth shattering. Until I came across #4 Don't Be Ashamed about How you Feel. The topic isn't all that great, but the website they shared was....
Did you know that there is a website out there called Kink Academy. Apparently Kink Academy is website with "More than 1093 videos, over 100 educators, available 24/7."
I was thinking that I was going to come across some kind of weird sex video website. But no, Kink Academy is like sex education for adults. There are all kinds of instructional videos for all the following:
Kink: BDSM, Dominance & submission, Rope Bondage, Mind Fucks, Impact Play, Play Piercing, Erotic Embarrassment, Forced Orgasm, Chastity, Electricity Play, Caning, Sado-Masochism, Corset Training, Spanking, Strap-On Sex, Violet Wand
Relationships: Polyamory, Swinging, Communication, Gender Awareness, 24/7 BDSM Relationships, Fantasy Exploration, Play Party Etiquette, Understanding Boundaries, Sex & Disability, Building Confidence
Sensuality: Massage & Sensual Touch, Kissing, Strap-On Play, Energetic Sex, Sensation Play, Body Language, Group Sex, G-Spot Play, Masturbation, Flirting, Body Worship, Genital Massage, Anal Sex
Health & Wellness: Anatomy for BDSM, Safer Sex Practices, Aging & Intimacy, Sexual Addiction & Compulsivity, Legal Concerns for Various Lifestyles, Risk Awareness
So.... if you are interested in any of the kinky stuff - why not look up some videos and learn the "right" way.
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