Who pays!?!?

So I'm back dating... again... and I will have to say that I'm not a huge fan of first (or second or third...) dates.  I don't like the getting to know each other part.  But then again, I'm not very good with change.  I like to have someone who I just connect with at a deep level without much work. 

(crazy enough, with my last relationship it only took a single look for me to know that we had something, alas, it wasn't meant to last... but we never had those awkward silences or quiet moments)

But, I'm back dating and the absolute worst part of the date is when it comes that time for the check to come.  That terrfying moment when the waiter sets down that fake leather folder.  I never know what to do.  Do I offer to pay half, some, or all of the check?  Do I even mention it at all?  Ugh, I hate it. 

On today's date I let him pay the check at the resterant (not even offering), but then we went to Starbucks and I insisted on paying there.  I hope I made the right call, and I think it's a very personal thing.  Some men take offense to a woman offering, some men take offense to a woman NOT offering.  You really can't win, and that's only on the first date.

How about dates 2, 3.... 10? 

So, what do you do?

There is the philopsophy that because women spend much more money making themselves "datable" we shouldn't have to pay.  Looking good is expensive... Think about all the extra money we have to spend on accessories, hair care, makeup... etc.  The list is extensive.  I would dare say that it's much more expensive to be a woman in general than it is a man... but there are obviously exceptions to that rule. 

I found on NBC that in the dating group of 35 and under (I still have one more year!), nearly 66% of women offer to pay for dates, but of those 39% hope the man turns down the offer and 44% are annoyed if he takes her up on the offer. 

But what about guys?  Are they going to take offense or even be put off if a woman offers to pay?  More than 75% of men say they feel guilty about a woman chippping in for the date.  And that leads to the bad part.... 16% of men believe that if he pays the woman owes him sexual favors (ugh!  OWES him?!?).  But in the lovely millenials (21 and under), a whopping 21% of "boys" believe that a woman should put out if he pays ... Remind me not to date a guy who is 21 (then again, I'm not looking to be a cougar anytime soon).  When it comes to women, roughly one third believe that offering to pay decreases the pressure to have sex.  Seriously?!?  I have never felt pressure to put out because some guy paid for my dinner.  I'm surprised the number is so high

I'm not sure there is a good answer, or if we will ever come up with one.  Until then I will continue to make that awkward lean towards the check or offer to split, if I can get it out through my panic attack of the bill being set down.