Thats so cliche... pictures on personals

I think I’ve mentioned it here before, but I’m back dating and back to searching online through hundreds of online personals.  In an earlier post, I wrote (complained) about the first cliche picture.  But I figured I might as well write another post categorizing all of the pictures of men I see online dating.  It’s pretty funny how much most of the pictures fall into these 10 general categories like there is a to do list.

1.     

   The TIGER/ANIMAL picture

Here I mentioned how a disproportionate amount of men have a picture with a tiger.   But I’m going to expand on it here.  Think all kinds of exotic animals.  Yes, you are manly and I see you can travel and get to see exotic places – but the picture just seems so cliché.  While not one of the worst, the tiger/animal picture is a little nuts. 

  

 Car pic

Yup, That’s him next to a car.  Good for him, he’s got a fancy dude car.  But I hate to burst his bubble, there aren’t many girls that are super impressed by a guy’s car.  A lot of us prefer you have a nice(r) car, but many (or most) don’t give two shits how much power is under your hood.  In fact…  sometimes your car has the OPPOSITE effect.  Boys, sometimes we see your cars as something you are using to compensate for something missing in your life, if you catch my drift.

3Girl cut out pic

One of my favorites…. You have obviously cropped out or even worse, just scribbled out another woman in your picture.  It might be your mom, it might be your sister or a friend, but we can only assume that it was your ex.  Do you really not have any other pictures where it’s just you?  Because guys, we don’t want to know what your ex looked like.  We will be constantly comparing ourselves to her and obsessively thinking about if we are better (or maybe that’s just me, but I can’t be the only one!  I’m thinking, next time you are with someone… anyone, just ask them nicely if they can take a quick picture with your cell phone, that picture will be 100 times better than one where you cut some bitch out 

  Bathroom selfie

We’ve all seen them and most of us have done it (you know you have).  The dreaded bathroom selfie.  I understand, the mirror is in there and in the bathroom you are often feeling your best, after you’ve showered, for the girls… after we’ve gotten our hair and makeup all perfect.  Hell, I know a lot of guys who are happiest after they’ve dropped a deuce (yes, I just went there).  While not the worst of the cliché photos, when you are going for the bathroom selfie try to make sure that the mirror is clean, that the toilet isn’t obvious and keep watch of what kind of strange grooming things are visible. 

5.       Gym selfie

I’m glad you work out.  I’m really happy that you go to the gym and take care of your body.  But there is something so cliché about the picture of you… standing in the mirror flexing your muscles.  Maybe it’s just me, but when I make it to the gym (which admittedly isn’t all that often these days), I want to get my workout in and get the hell out.  I’m not concentrating on the perfect angle that makes my pecs look good (and yes… I know girls don’t have pecs)

6.       Travel pic

First off, let me admit that I’m not a huge traveler, so your fancy travel pictures aren’t going to impress me.  It just seems that everyone visits the same big locales… you see the same background over and over.  Then again…. Maybe I just don’t know about some fancy photo place that has a green screen where you can photoshop yourself into all the known travel hotspots.  But… you do get SERIOUS negative points for doing the stupid hand gestures or body positions.  You know EXACTLY what I’m talking about.  Trying to “push” up the leaning tower of Pisa or pretending the Washington Monument is a monster dick.

7.       INSIDE car pic

I can’t say too much about this picture – because I’m guilty of it too.  But it’s definitely one of those cliché pictures.  What is it that motivates us to take a picture of us while we are behind the wheel?  (God forbid you aren’t driving – but sometimes I’m not sure that’s the case!!) 

8.       Running/Tough Mudder race

These days running is THE thing.  I don’t know when it happens, but at some point in aging everyone decides they want to run, and run they do.  Either in some race where they run through the mud, run for some charity or run through some crazy colored “smoke.”  Again, like the gym selfie, I’m glad you work out…

9.       The Group picture

You know the picture.  It’s him and a bunch of his “dudes.”  When you first see it, you have a sharp intake of breath and your heart skips a beat.  Wow, that guy is H-O-T, HOT…. And then you look at his second picture.  Oh shit, he’s the UGLY friend (or just not so good looking one).  Part of you considers messaging him and asking him if his hot friend is single, but that’s just bitchy.  But you know you think about it.