Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Alocholic Whipped Cream? Sounds delish!
Since I apparently missed the whole caffeinated alcoholic drink bandwagon - and missed out on trying Four Loco before it was banned - this is one sad sad girl! I have in my head now that I cannot miss the new alcoholics dream - alocholic whipped cream, IN A CAN!
Apparently, two different varieties of alcoholic whipped cream in a can are currently available - CREAM (30 proof or 15% alochol by volume - and NO I don't condone huffing thankyouverymuch!) and Whipped Lightening - 16-18% alcohol by volume. It comes in flavors such as chocolate, raspberry, orange and cherry and suggested servings include added to mixed drinks and jello shots - but you know abuse is only one step behind. Shots of this out of the fridge really are shots - better than just taking a shot off the whip cream jar. Hummm. The only downside. The suckers are about $13 a can. That's kind of hefty.
Monday, November 29, 2010
Embarassing/Awkward Bedroom Moments
I'm starting to love Askmen.com. It's an advice website for men - but they have some great advice for all of us! Today, I found 5 Embarrassing Sex Mishaps To Avoid - and god knows we all want to avoid anything that's going to embarrass us in bed!
1- Farting in bed
Description (as if you needed one for this...): You are lying in bed, and one of you (honestly - usually the man) pulls a dutch oven - hopefully on accident.
How to recover: The first time, and you are new together - according to askmen.com - put it all on her (or him, and go over the top and make it a joke! Hopefully you will start laughing and it will all be over as quickly as the stink. Personally, I like this - mostly because I have some gas and I need an excuse. Askmen.com recommends the following for established couples, "give her the real dutch oven." - (yeah, note to askmen.com - I don't think this will work... bitches get mad when they have to smell that) And honestly, more often than not this will not go over so well.
2- Crossing one of her boundaries
Description: Ohh, this is easy to do. And can only take a fraction of a second. All a guy has to do is suggest an act that a woman is uncomfortable with - say anal or some type of role play - and poof it's all over but the fat lady singing.
How to recover: Askmen.com says you need to first apologize but also realize this is a great time to play the "I’m just so comfortable with you” card and that you respect her feelings and never want to put her in a situation that makes her uncomfortable. (humm, I think I know a couple of guys who have read this... a couple that haven't and just go right for crossing these boundaries and don't give a shit). Now, my suggestion, you are never going to get back those few precious seconds back before you uttered that weird request - so think about it before you ask next time (if there is a next time - and count your lucky stars if there is!). So take a break from everything and just go do something totally nonsexual and relax.
3- Your dirty talk is more weird than dirty
Description: Yes, dirty talk is great, but lets say your dirty talk is a "baby voice" or some according to askmen.com a twisted fantasy you've had since seeing a Star Trek episode in the 90's. She's creeped out (well, no shit!)
How to recover: Askmen.com says that you should turn it into a game... and let her know it's her turn to think of the "weirdest, most unsexy thing you can say during foreplay, wwhatever she says, she wins." If she buys this excuse - you won the absolute jackpot and need to keep this bitch, because you are never going to find anyone so gullible or stupid.
4- It hurts, it hurts… and not the good way!
Description: Think you are in bed, having fun. And something happens... Think of something that you get hurt from - askmen suggests the following: "falling off the bed together, getting a cramp at the most inopportune time, crushing her with your enormous ass or butting heads in the dark so hard that one of you comes up with a bloody lip."
How to recover: How to get over it? Laugh. I think stuff like this is hilarious. No one says that sex is what you see in the movies - it's not all perfect and beautifully choreographed. Instead its fully of awkward moments - that's what makes it fun and interesting.
5- Calling her the wrong name
Description: Askmen says, "If you called her by the wrong name during sex and the two of you weren’t role-playing you’re a jackass -- nothing I can say is ever going to help you get laid by that woman again. Ever. If you did it accidentally in passing, you still have a shot, but timing is everything if you’re going to diffuse her anger."
How to recover: Yeah, I have to say that I have been in bed with a guy and been in the moment and in my head I'm saying the wrong name, but thank god the wrong name didn't slip out - I've been lucky. But I will also tell you - that there is a big ass warning sign here - if you are saying a different name's man in your head while you are making out with another - I think we have an issue!!! Like your mind is obviously on another.
Description (as if you needed one for this...): You are lying in bed, and one of you (honestly - usually the man) pulls a dutch oven - hopefully on accident.
How to recover: The first time, and you are new together - according to askmen.com - put it all on her (or him, and go over the top and make it a joke! Hopefully you will start laughing and it will all be over as quickly as the stink. Personally, I like this - mostly because I have some gas and I need an excuse. Askmen.com recommends the following for established couples, "give her the real dutch oven." - (yeah, note to askmen.com - I don't think this will work... bitches get mad when they have to smell that) And honestly, more often than not this will not go over so well.
2- Crossing one of her boundaries
Description: Ohh, this is easy to do. And can only take a fraction of a second. All a guy has to do is suggest an act that a woman is uncomfortable with - say anal or some type of role play - and poof it's all over but the fat lady singing.
How to recover: Askmen.com says you need to first apologize but also realize this is a great time to play the "I’m just so comfortable with you” card and that you respect her feelings and never want to put her in a situation that makes her uncomfortable. (humm, I think I know a couple of guys who have read this... a couple that haven't and just go right for crossing these boundaries and don't give a shit). Now, my suggestion, you are never going to get back those few precious seconds back before you uttered that weird request - so think about it before you ask next time (if there is a next time - and count your lucky stars if there is!). So take a break from everything and just go do something totally nonsexual and relax.
Description: Yes, dirty talk is great, but lets say your dirty talk is a "baby voice" or some according to askmen.com a twisted fantasy you've had since seeing a Star Trek episode in the 90's. She's creeped out (well, no shit!)
How to recover: Askmen.com says that you should turn it into a game... and let her know it's her turn to think of the "weirdest, most unsexy thing you can say during foreplay, wwhatever she says, she wins." If she buys this excuse - you won the absolute jackpot and need to keep this bitch, because you are never going to find anyone so gullible or stupid.
4- It hurts, it hurts… and not the good way!
Description: Think you are in bed, having fun. And something happens... Think of something that you get hurt from - askmen suggests the following: "falling off the bed together, getting a cramp at the most inopportune time, crushing her with your enormous ass or butting heads in the dark so hard that one of you comes up with a bloody lip."
How to recover: How to get over it? Laugh. I think stuff like this is hilarious. No one says that sex is what you see in the movies - it's not all perfect and beautifully choreographed. Instead its fully of awkward moments - that's what makes it fun and interesting.
Description: Askmen says, "If you called her by the wrong name during sex and the two of you weren’t role-playing you’re a jackass -- nothing I can say is ever going to help you get laid by that woman again. Ever. If you did it accidentally in passing, you still have a shot, but timing is everything if you’re going to diffuse her anger."
How to recover: Yeah, I have to say that I have been in bed with a guy and been in the moment and in my head I'm saying the wrong name, but thank god the wrong name didn't slip out - I've been lucky. But I will also tell you - that there is a big ass warning sign here - if you are saying a different name's man in your head while you are making out with another - I think we have an issue!!! Like your mind is obviously on another.
Stupid things men do....
Thefrisky.com has compiled a list of 10 Stupid things that men do - especially when it comes to dating (because that's obviously the only thing that women really care about when it comes to men, right?) So what are they?
1. Trying Too Hard. Women don't like a desperate man, If she doesn't call you back, email you back, text you back, or walks away from you - she's probably not that into you. You might want to read the book, "He's not that into you" and just replace the "he's" with "she's". Personally, I like a man that's into me, but if he's TOO into me - I'm going to run for the hills. Yes, that's a very fine line and VERY easy to step over. But hey guys, you better error on the side of caution, but not too cautious (if you don't show that you are into her - you'll loose her!) Good luck with that game....
2. I, Pervert. Yes, everyone likes sex. That part is obvious, we were built to take penis and insert it into vagina (I'm a little embarrassed that it's only a short ways into this posting and I've already used those terms TWICE!). Anyway, you can be a sexual being without being a pervert, especially on the early dates. Tone it down and you might keep her around, at least for a couple of weeks.
3. Laid-Back Dude. Read #1, don't be too clingy, but don't be too laid back. Find that line. Don't cross it. But if you are way too laid back and have a "I don't care attitude," so will we, and we will, "I don't care" it all the way until we find someone else, and that someone else is never going to be you - so if you don't want to care, you better not care yourself to find a girl who doesn't care herself.
4. Sloppy Seconds. Men don't care as much about cheating - they are just hardwired differently (no excuse, it's true!) Don't expect us to want you if we dated your bro, or if you cheated. We aren't like that. We don't forgive and forget - we get even, and getting even in girls' world is not pretty - don't fore get that.
5. The Tune-Out. Girls like to share, feelings, emotions, hell we just like to talk. You need to listen to this, Yes, I know it's not exactly what you want to do - but at least try. Listen and you won't get in trouble. Be able to answer basic questions about what we are saying and you are ok. Tit for tat, baby.
7. Insecure Much? Show insecurity in anyway, we pick up on it. Most of the time, it's not sexy. We want a man who can be strong, sexy and protect us - yes it sounds like this is from the middle ages, and who cares - it's still hot. Have those insecurities? Totally ok... we do too. Let them out later, those are sexy too!
8. No Mo’ Porno. There is no problem with watching porn to get us in the mood, it's kind of hot. But porn is to WATCH, it's an occasional thing. Don't get obsessed. We can discuss and maybe think about bringing some ideas into the bedroom, but hey dude - we aren't going to act it out, and we certainly aren't going to live our life as a porn star. Porn is entertainment. Our sex life is life. Lets keep it this way!
9. Flattery Will Get You Everywhere. Enough said. Don't forget it.
10. Our Toilet, Our Rules. Am I the only one is not horribly annoyed by the toilet thing? Why do all women freak out about putting the toilet seat down? If he has to put it up to use it, why don't you have to put it down? All's fair in love and war. All I ask is that he clean up his drips! That's more important than if the lid is up or down!
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Staying positive about dating - when all you get are negative dates.
I'm definitely an expert at bad dates. In fact I've had millions of them (see one of my very first posts The Bad Date Corner about some of my worst dates - I try not to post about specific stories and instances to protect the innocent and (not so) innocent!)
But in all that is bad (and even worse) in dating and love - I try to keep an open mind and in that a positive outlook on it. If I didn't - I'd probably be alone forever... (or continue to be alone forever....) So I try to stay positive and look on the bright side. I try to think of every date and dating experience and every man as "practice" for the man I'm ultimately going to be with (at this point - he's in for a treat - because I've become a very practiced dater... and ummm, a practiced something else as well, I shall leave to your imagination - but lets just say he won't be disappointed there either...)
I think we (BOTH men and women) have to stay over all positive about dating, just to keep our heads on straight. And I say overall, because no one is perfect, and we all need to take breaks - be negative, and hate the other gender once in awhile. Hell, you can even be positive about dating and not know what the fuck is wrong with the other gender (sometimes I think species). I will be the first one to admit and say that women are NO picnic (and I'm obviously a woman myself!). I don't envy men in that they have to put up with and love a woman - I could never do so, women drive me crazy. Of course, men do as well - but in another GREAT and yet exciting way (ohh, if only I could tell you my dreams - but that would incriminate myself and I cannot do that!).
So here are 7 Ways to Say Positive About Dating from Yourtango.com. As always, I need the advice as much as you guys do. So lets all read and think about it, my words in Italic per usual
1. Be Picky.
Nothing makes dating more tedious than going out with guys who you're probably not going to like. Sure it's good to have an open mind, but lower your standards too much and you'll end up with night after night of bad dates. Been there. I cannot count the amount of dates I've done on with a gut feeling prior to the date of, "I don't think this is going to work...." Granted, I probably always have that feeling - and most of the time it doesn't work... so I'm not sure how reliable that gut feeling is. But, I will tell you, that its definitely not wroth it to waste your time - even if it is just for a dinner or a coffee with someone you know you couldn't give two shits about!
2. Have a life.
See your friends and family. Do the things you love (hobbies, exercise, curl up with a good book, whatever). Don't let dating consume all of your free time. Wait a second? You mean that when you meet a guy it suddenly shouldn't be ALL about him and NOTHING else? No, really? So that's what I've been doing wrong :) I can't tell you how many friends have "ditched" me for a guy, then come back and still wanted to be friends. Call me a bitch, but I don't play that game, if you have to chose between him and me - choose him and don't come back to me - I don't have the time for you. You still have lots of time in the relationship for friends and romance - choose both and you won't have an issue.
3. Date against type.
Yeah, I know that may seem like a contradiction to number one. I'm not suggesting you look lower, I'm saying look wider. Try dating a type of guy who you've never considered before. Don't go overboard with this one. You have a type for a reason. Please, if you like the squeaky clean type - don't go straight away for the bad, boy motorcycle parole. Maybe, go from squeaky clean to a guy to a hipster with a Wall Street job. Yes, going outside your type can be exciting and you might find the man you are looking for in a world that is quite unlike your own - just a little bit of new excitement might be enough - but don't bend on your "must have's!"
4. Break your habits. Meeting all of your dates at the corner Starbucks may seem practical and easy, but it gets monotonous fast. One of the best things about dating can be discovering new bars, cafes and restaurants in addition to new men. First off, let me say, I LOVE the Starbucks first date - and easy in and easy out if the date goes bad, and a very easy way to expend it if it goes well. And the second note, I'm very much a creature of habit and those habits make me comfortable and all that. Granted, maybe that's why I'm still single at the ripe ol' age of 30 - ancient in Midwest times - young in the eastern timezone. I can definitely see where breaking the habits of past wrongs would help you stay positive about dating - how can you not feel good about what you are doing if you are always doing something new?
5. Treat yourself. Dating can be a great excuse (not that you need one!) to buy new lipstick, get your nails done, or splurge on a hot new pair of red shoes. Ah, red shoes… Anything that says, "Treat yourself AND SHOES" in the same sentence is a PERFECT thought for me. Lets go SHOPPING!
6. Remember why you're dating in the first place. I find it helpful to remind myself, frequently, that the rewards of a good relationship far outweigh the stress or humiliation of any bad date (or string of bad dates). You're the tortoise here, not the hare. Shit, I really might need a reminder here. Can anyone tell me why I continue to date after all this bullshit? Yeah, I don't know either.
7. Give yourself a vacation from dating (i.e, take a break). Your dating vacation should have a set beginning and end. Maybe it's a month, maybe more, maybe less. Decide how long of a vacation you need and then do it. As with any good vacation, you'll return refreshed and renewed, only maybe a little more horny Dating vacation. I'm there, been there for MONTHS now. Granted, I didn't set a start and end date (maybe I should have!!!). End TBD, I guess I'm just waiting for my man in shining armour to pick me up. Anyone, Anyone?
But in all that is bad (and even worse) in dating and love - I try to keep an open mind and in that a positive outlook on it. If I didn't - I'd probably be alone forever... (or continue to be alone forever....) So I try to stay positive and look on the bright side. I try to think of every date and dating experience and every man as "practice" for the man I'm ultimately going to be with (at this point - he's in for a treat - because I've become a very practiced dater... and ummm, a practiced something else as well, I shall leave to your imagination - but lets just say he won't be disappointed there either...)
I think we (BOTH men and women) have to stay over all positive about dating, just to keep our heads on straight. And I say overall, because no one is perfect, and we all need to take breaks - be negative, and hate the other gender once in awhile. Hell, you can even be positive about dating and not know what the fuck is wrong with the other gender (sometimes I think species). I will be the first one to admit and say that women are NO picnic (and I'm obviously a woman myself!). I don't envy men in that they have to put up with and love a woman - I could never do so, women drive me crazy. Of course, men do as well - but in another GREAT and yet exciting way (ohh, if only I could tell you my dreams - but that would incriminate myself and I cannot do that!).
So here are 7 Ways to Say Positive About Dating from Yourtango.com. As always, I need the advice as much as you guys do. So lets all read and think about it, my words in Italic per usual
1. Be Picky.
Nothing makes dating more tedious than going out with guys who you're probably not going to like. Sure it's good to have an open mind, but lower your standards too much and you'll end up with night after night of bad dates. Been there. I cannot count the amount of dates I've done on with a gut feeling prior to the date of, "I don't think this is going to work...." Granted, I probably always have that feeling - and most of the time it doesn't work... so I'm not sure how reliable that gut feeling is. But, I will tell you, that its definitely not wroth it to waste your time - even if it is just for a dinner or a coffee with someone you know you couldn't give two shits about!
2. Have a life.
See your friends and family. Do the things you love (hobbies, exercise, curl up with a good book, whatever). Don't let dating consume all of your free time. Wait a second? You mean that when you meet a guy it suddenly shouldn't be ALL about him and NOTHING else? No, really? So that's what I've been doing wrong :) I can't tell you how many friends have "ditched" me for a guy, then come back and still wanted to be friends. Call me a bitch, but I don't play that game, if you have to chose between him and me - choose him and don't come back to me - I don't have the time for you. You still have lots of time in the relationship for friends and romance - choose both and you won't have an issue.
3. Date against type.
Yeah, I know that may seem like a contradiction to number one. I'm not suggesting you look lower, I'm saying look wider. Try dating a type of guy who you've never considered before. Don't go overboard with this one. You have a type for a reason. Please, if you like the squeaky clean type - don't go straight away for the bad, boy motorcycle parole. Maybe, go from squeaky clean to a guy to a hipster with a Wall Street job. Yes, going outside your type can be exciting and you might find the man you are looking for in a world that is quite unlike your own - just a little bit of new excitement might be enough - but don't bend on your "must have's!"
4. Break your habits. Meeting all of your dates at the corner Starbucks may seem practical and easy, but it gets monotonous fast. One of the best things about dating can be discovering new bars, cafes and restaurants in addition to new men. First off, let me say, I LOVE the Starbucks first date - and easy in and easy out if the date goes bad, and a very easy way to expend it if it goes well. And the second note, I'm very much a creature of habit and those habits make me comfortable and all that. Granted, maybe that's why I'm still single at the ripe ol' age of 30 - ancient in Midwest times - young in the eastern timezone. I can definitely see where breaking the habits of past wrongs would help you stay positive about dating - how can you not feel good about what you are doing if you are always doing something new?
5. Treat yourself. Dating can be a great excuse (not that you need one!) to buy new lipstick, get your nails done, or splurge on a hot new pair of red shoes. Ah, red shoes… Anything that says, "Treat yourself AND SHOES" in the same sentence is a PERFECT thought for me. Lets go SHOPPING!
6. Remember why you're dating in the first place. I find it helpful to remind myself, frequently, that the rewards of a good relationship far outweigh the stress or humiliation of any bad date (or string of bad dates). You're the tortoise here, not the hare. Shit, I really might need a reminder here. Can anyone tell me why I continue to date after all this bullshit? Yeah, I don't know either.
7. Give yourself a vacation from dating (i.e, take a break). Your dating vacation should have a set beginning and end. Maybe it's a month, maybe more, maybe less. Decide how long of a vacation you need and then do it. As with any good vacation, you'll return refreshed and renewed, only maybe a little more horny Dating vacation. I'm there, been there for MONTHS now. Granted, I didn't set a start and end date (maybe I should have!!!). End TBD, I guess I'm just waiting for my man in shining armour to pick me up. Anyone, Anyone?
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
No TV? No Me.
As I do often at night when I'm lonely and bored. More often the latter. I peruse the online personals - mostly just to read what kind of crazies there are in this wonderful metro area - and crazies there are.When a man says that he is either against television, against cable, thinks television is stupid, or something along those lines - we are just not going to get along. Yes, I don't care if you are my dream man, if you are the most gorgeous man in the world - yeah, it's just not gonna happen. I love me some television. Me, the tivo, netflix, and cablebox all have a love affair going on. I'll let any man in on it. In fact I'll gladly let a man in on it. We love to have company - but if you are going to cut us off - it's just not going to happen.
I totally understand not watching a lot of tv - I honestly do not consciously watch a lot of shows - but it's on nearly all the time. My netflix streaming account is very active and my tivo does a great deal of work with it's large collection of shows to record. Now, I have a couple of shows I will just watch with very little distraction - but mostly I watch tv when I'm doing other things (I'm a bit of a multitasker), but I like it being on! So if a man is against the television - he's against me!
Free Drinks based on your Cup Size? Hell yeah!
Apparently there is a club in Singapore that is basing a new promotion on a woman's cup bra cup size. "Fill My Cups" nights at the OverEasy night club with DJ DCUP. The Club's Free drinks - "Booze for your boobs!" are based on the following and judged by a team of both a man and a woman who visually determine the cup size (apparently touching is not part of the determination):- "B" cup: two free drinks
- "C" cup: three free drinks
- "D" cup: a free bottle of vodka
Note, the promotion has been called humorous, but has also been called distasteful (any good promotion is!) One woman said she thinks the concept is funny, but would never degrade herself by being a part of it. (she obviously doesn't need the free drinks, and probably is on the very low end of the cup size), another woman is proud of her assets and didn't think it would be embarrassing at all to be judged on her bra size (this woman is for sure on the upper end of the cup size spectrum).
Then again, I've heard horror stories about the law in Singapore, it's apparently really strict - and I get messy drunk. The last thing I need is to do something stupid while drunk and end up in some weird Singaporean prison for the rest of my life getting made fun of because of my wildly huge boobs. Yeah, how about we just bring this promotion overseas to the United States, please?
Men in Hats.
There is just something hot, about most men wearing a baseball cap. I don't know what it is, and I can't explain it - but it's just there. And, I'm not one to really care about what guys are hiding under their baseball cap. Honestly, I don't care if a man is bald, or balding. (In fact, I put up my post, Bald is Beautiful as evidence that I find bald guys pretty damn hot.)
But if a guy has a worn out, well worn, or favorite baseball cap that he puts on and is just comfortable in - it just makes me pussy wiggle (yeah, I have no idea where that term came from - but it just popped into my head just now and I had to use it!).
So there, you have it. I have a thing for guys in hats. I'm sure there are others too. But just like everything else - use it in excess and we might have a problem. I'm not gonna want to have sex with you with your baseball cap on, nor am I going to want you to wear it to a 5 star dinner. But like everything, time and place. time and place.
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Whisper Sweet Nothings in bed. Wierd things guys say to girls in bed.
OK, we've all been in bed, and in the heat of the moment we've said or grunted something that just doesn't make sense. (I've told you before about my little diarrhea of the mouth problem...)
But, you girls out there... have your been in bed - having sex or just playing around with a man, or your man. And then he turns to you and says something that you just can't believe. Thefrisky.com has a list of 20 Weirdest Things Guys have Said to Us in Bed. What do you think?
-- “‘I love you.’ (It was a one-night stand.)” lets just hope he was drunk! I get a little love drunk when I'm highly intoxicated and would be apt to say I love you to everyone - so I can't say much. I think that's why I avoid drunk sex like the plague!
-- “I want to lick your armpit.” eewwwww
-- “There was one guy who could not get off without stringing together a bunch of foul words that made no sense as a sentence. For example: ‘F**k whore a**hole bitch f**k c**t p***y s**t!’ So ridiculous.” ha ha ha
-- “One guy begged me to slap his erect penis.” Sounds like someone has a bit of a BDSM complex, and I would run away
-- “You’re the first biological woman I’ve had sex with in a long time ...” umm, what has he been having sex with, blow up dolls?
-- “My last girlfriend had a bangin’ body.” And what do I have? Yeah, don't compare me, we already are. Give a girl a complex and she's going to give you a good bye.
-- “Your ass tastes like butterscotch.” butterscotch?
-- “I’m sorry, I don’t always cry like this.” A boy cry in bed... yes, I'm not sticking around.
-- “‘Can I cut you?’ My response, ‘AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!’” Can I punch you in the face?
-- “Can I stick it in now?” Can you use a little more romantic language?
-- “‘I just want to make you come, Jeanine.’ (Not my name.)” Use another person's name in bed, you better hope you have her on speed dial, because I'm not going to call you back.
-- “Did you see ‘Two girls, one cup’?” No, and I don't plan to.
-- “Call me daddy.” Call me, never.
-- “You’re like a man in bed.” no girl wants to be called a man, ever. Especially in bed.
-- “I wanna shave you first.” Can we shave your back, ass, and the rest of your body hair as well?
-- “You’re not pulling my balls hard enough.” I don't like balls, so if I'm pulling, I"m pulling them off.
-- “Don’t worry, my mom has heard me have sex before.” Umm, thanks. And no thanks.
-- “If we go back to my place, my roommate will totally join in.” Great, threesome. But can I see his picture first. I'm not about to come into this blind. Yeah, how about not.
-- “I met him on an online dating site. We had only emailed back and forth, but he kept saying, ‘I’m a stranger. You don’t know me, I’m a stranger, you don’t know me. I’m a stranger you don’t know me,’ over and over again.” and I won't be getting to know you thank you very much.
-- “‘Could you wash this?’ (Handing me a used butt plug.)” Used toys are gross, no explanation needed.
But, you girls out there... have your been in bed - having sex or just playing around with a man, or your man. And then he turns to you and says something that you just can't believe. Thefrisky.com has a list of 20 Weirdest Things Guys have Said to Us in Bed. What do you think?
-- “I want to lick your armpit.” eewwwww
-- “There was one guy who could not get off without stringing together a bunch of foul words that made no sense as a sentence. For example: ‘F**k whore a**hole bitch f**k c**t p***y s**t!’ So ridiculous.” ha ha ha
-- “One guy begged me to slap his erect penis.” Sounds like someone has a bit of a BDSM complex, and I would run away
-- “You’re the first biological woman I’ve had sex with in a long time ...” umm, what has he been having sex with, blow up dolls?
-- “My last girlfriend had a bangin’ body.” And what do I have? Yeah, don't compare me, we already are. Give a girl a complex and she's going to give you a good bye.
-- “Your ass tastes like butterscotch.” butterscotch?
-- “I’m sorry, I don’t always cry like this.” A boy cry in bed... yes, I'm not sticking around.
-- “‘Can I cut you?’ My response, ‘AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!’” Can I punch you in the face?
-- “Can I stick it in now?” Can you use a little more romantic language?
-- “‘I just want to make you come, Jeanine.’ (Not my name.)” Use another person's name in bed, you better hope you have her on speed dial, because I'm not going to call you back.
-- “Did you see ‘Two girls, one cup’?” No, and I don't plan to.
-- “Call me daddy.” Call me, never.
-- “You’re like a man in bed.” no girl wants to be called a man, ever. Especially in bed.
-- “I wanna shave you first.” Can we shave your back, ass, and the rest of your body hair as well?
-- “You’re not pulling my balls hard enough.” I don't like balls, so if I'm pulling, I"m pulling them off.
-- “Don’t worry, my mom has heard me have sex before.” Umm, thanks. And no thanks.
-- “If we go back to my place, my roommate will totally join in.” Great, threesome. But can I see his picture first. I'm not about to come into this blind. Yeah, how about not.
-- “I met him on an online dating site. We had only emailed back and forth, but he kept saying, ‘I’m a stranger. You don’t know me, I’m a stranger, you don’t know me. I’m a stranger you don’t know me,’ over and over again.” and I won't be getting to know you thank you very much.
-- “‘Could you wash this?’ (Handing me a used butt plug.)” Used toys are gross, no explanation needed.
Monday, November 22, 2010
Sex Rules you SHOULD break.
So... women (and men even) often have misconceptions about sex. Believe it or not, rules are made to be broken! So, thefrisky.com looks at 9 Sex Rules are should be broken.
9. You Definitely Shouldn't Fantasize About Someone Else
Ian Kerner, PhD and editor-in-cheif of Good in Bed says that "In my experience, woman fantasize way more than men do. Men tend to only fantasize if they're bored and want to keep themselves aroused. Women are often very engaged by the sex they're having and fantasize anyway -- it's a great way to mentally deactivate." And you know what that means... No, you dont'? Ohh, ok - well let me tell you. Fantasies are fine! They keep the fire alive. They are just that - fantasies, not reality. Frisky.com says, "Get as raunchy as you want to within the four walls of your mind. And, really, who's gonna know?" And I really like that advice, of course, anything that says, "raunchy" is an A+ in my book. And note, for those who find themselves in bed with that dreaded tiny peen or that guy who is just really shitty at sex... fantasizing... it can help you get through a very horrid sexual experience and turn it into a mildly ok one. Trust me, I'm a frequent fantasizer, if you catch my drift. But these fantasies, not needed quite as much if you catch a good one!
8 . Toys Will Scare Him
Toys? Like Tonka Trucks. Yeah, no. Here's a fact for you guys... Women already know this! only 30% of woman orgasm from intercourse alone. Thefrisky.com suggests the "wevibe" a sextoy that can be used during intercourse for both you and him... I have to say, I'm a true fan of the sex toy in alone play, but I can't say I've introduced it into couple play - not that the thought hasn't crossed my mind...
7. Men Really Don't Like "Going There"
Our new friend, Ian Kerner also wrote a book called, "She Comes First"... a book about men "going down on women." OK, women... please a round of applause for Mr. Kerner! Thank you! Now men, please click on the link to the left, get over your fears of it, and suck it up (pun maybe intended...) and buy the book and please learn... Now, Mr. Kerner says that "In my experience, 90 percent of discomfort around oral sex comes from women who are afraid they don't taste or smell good, or are afraid they're taking too long. Women need to know that guys love doing this, and it allows them to relax and enjoy in a way they often can't during sex." Now, I don't know about this. I would say I run about a 50/50 percentage, half the guys are ok with it, half act like "down there" is toxic. Of course - shit - maybe it's me. Fuck. I hope not.
6.You Have to Be "In the Mood" to Do It
More research (again, what's with all these little stupid articles I find and all these obscure research studies - obviously someone is funding this stuff somewhere!). Apparently the latest female sexuality research is focused on "mindfulness" - a fancy buzz word meaning that we have a hard time transitioning from non-sexual thought to sexual thought. So what about us that always has part of our brain thinking about sex (maybe because we are feeling a wee bit deprived...) A Sex Therapist (yes, it's a real job and not just in the movies), Louanne Cole Weston provides the following advice for those who have a hard time turning the switch from on to off in sexual thoughts....
1) Focus on the "transitions." from on to off. It might mean a long hot bath or a short massage (now I much prefer the longer massages, but that's just me). "They're little acts that allow women to fully be there during sex as opposed to being persuaded into it,"
2) the mindfulness part: When the actual act of sex and/or foreplay starts (some people have strange definitions of both)... , try breathing in and out, focusing on your breath, then honing in on the silkiness of the sheets, the smoothness of his skin, or the taste of the dark-chocolate-dipped strawberries he's lovingly feeding you. (yeah, who gets that kind of romance - certainly not me - I'm lucky if I can get kisses before a wham! bam! thank you ma'am!) This careful attention to sensual detail can be what it takes to get you in the mood -- even if you thought that's the last place you wanted to be.
5. You Should Never Talk Sex With Your Friends
OK. Of course you should talk sex, IN GENERAL, with your friends. Who is going to tell you the best tricks, tips and techniques. Yes, I'm serious. Don't give nasty details including who you are sleeping with. No one wants to be able to picture exactly the act, including the person. That just puts too many pictures in someone's head, and if they want to hear exactly about it - they are a freak and probably you don't want them to be your friend anyway.... But outside of your friends, keep mumm. Your gossipy coworker doesn't need to know about your sex life (umm, I can provide you that nugget of advice from experience), and no one really cares about how good you are at bjs - well, unless you write a semi popular anonymous blog that is fairly well received and read around the world (know anyone like this?)
4. You Should Never Do It on the First Date
Humm, let me start out by saying, I'm guilty of putting out on the first date. I'm also guilty of walking out within 15 min of starting a first date. I've also been stood up, and been left halfway through a first date. Hell, first dates are not exactly my favorite. If it was my choice I would skip to date 4 or 5 if I could. Frisky.com says that, "By all means, act on your right to extract as much pleasure from the evening as possible. And without sounding like your mother, we'd just like to say this: Anyone who tells you otherwise is just jealous. There will likely come a time when these where-am-I-who-is-he? mornings are things of the past, and the only thing you'll regret then is passing up the chance." And I'll take their quote on this one.
3. It's OK to Fake It
I am in 100% agreement with thefrisky.com when they say, "It is never OK to fake it." Thank god someone has finally said that. When you women fake it - you are doing nothing for yourself - or womenkind in general. You are only just encouraging bad behavior in men. If they think they are pleasuring you and doing it ALL wrong and achieving the end goal, you are just teaching them bad behaviors. Seriously, don't let them get away with that. Tell him the truth, don't just do it for you - do it for all the woman that will follow you. Please, and thank you.
2. Porn Is the Enemy
OK, take porn for what it is. Actors and Actresses acting out fantasies on screen. No, you don't have to pretend you are one of them - they are professionals, if you can't bend (or stretch ) like that - it's fine! Use a modification of that pose, or a modification of that idea and use it as a way to turn each other on.
1. It Has to Be Perfect
Sex is not perfect, in fact it's pretty messy if it's good, and if you are too worried about your body being perfect or your underwear being perfect you aren't going to enjoy yourself. So relax. Please just sit back and relax (but not too much - no one wants a lazy fish lover!). Sex is awkward, arms, legs and torsos can get mixed up and end up everywhere. Laughter is the best medicine (and to be arguably the biggest turn on!) If you aren't having fun, call me up... I'll switch places with you and I'm sure I'll have fun with your man.
9. You Definitely Shouldn't Fantasize About Someone Else
Ian Kerner, PhD and editor-in-cheif of Good in Bed says that "In my experience, woman fantasize way more than men do. Men tend to only fantasize if they're bored and want to keep themselves aroused. Women are often very engaged by the sex they're having and fantasize anyway -- it's a great way to mentally deactivate." And you know what that means... No, you dont'? Ohh, ok - well let me tell you. Fantasies are fine! They keep the fire alive. They are just that - fantasies, not reality. Frisky.com says, "Get as raunchy as you want to within the four walls of your mind. And, really, who's gonna know?" And I really like that advice, of course, anything that says, "raunchy" is an A+ in my book. And note, for those who find themselves in bed with that dreaded tiny peen or that guy who is just really shitty at sex... fantasizing... it can help you get through a very horrid sexual experience and turn it into a mildly ok one. Trust me, I'm a frequent fantasizer, if you catch my drift. But these fantasies, not needed quite as much if you catch a good one!
8 . Toys Will Scare Him
Toys? Like Tonka Trucks. Yeah, no. Here's a fact for you guys... Women already know this! only 30% of woman orgasm from intercourse alone. Thefrisky.com suggests the "wevibe" a sextoy that can be used during intercourse for both you and him... I have to say, I'm a true fan of the sex toy in alone play, but I can't say I've introduced it into couple play - not that the thought hasn't crossed my mind...
7. Men Really Don't Like "Going There"
Our new friend, Ian Kerner also wrote a book called, "She Comes First"... a book about men "going down on women." OK, women... please a round of applause for Mr. Kerner! Thank you! Now men, please click on the link to the left, get over your fears of it, and suck it up (pun maybe intended...) and buy the book and please learn... Now, Mr. Kerner says that "In my experience, 90 percent of discomfort around oral sex comes from women who are afraid they don't taste or smell good, or are afraid they're taking too long. Women need to know that guys love doing this, and it allows them to relax and enjoy in a way they often can't during sex." Now, I don't know about this. I would say I run about a 50/50 percentage, half the guys are ok with it, half act like "down there" is toxic. Of course - shit - maybe it's me. Fuck. I hope not.
6.You Have to Be "In the Mood" to Do It
More research (again, what's with all these little stupid articles I find and all these obscure research studies - obviously someone is funding this stuff somewhere!). Apparently the latest female sexuality research is focused on "mindfulness" - a fancy buzz word meaning that we have a hard time transitioning from non-sexual thought to sexual thought. So what about us that always has part of our brain thinking about sex (maybe because we are feeling a wee bit deprived...) A Sex Therapist (yes, it's a real job and not just in the movies), Louanne Cole Weston provides the following advice for those who have a hard time turning the switch from on to off in sexual thoughts....
1) Focus on the "transitions." from on to off. It might mean a long hot bath or a short massage (now I much prefer the longer massages, but that's just me). "They're little acts that allow women to fully be there during sex as opposed to being persuaded into it,"
2) the mindfulness part: When the actual act of sex and/or foreplay starts (some people have strange definitions of both)... , try breathing in and out, focusing on your breath, then honing in on the silkiness of the sheets, the smoothness of his skin, or the taste of the dark-chocolate-dipped strawberries he's lovingly feeding you. (yeah, who gets that kind of romance - certainly not me - I'm lucky if I can get kisses before a wham! bam! thank you ma'am!) This careful attention to sensual detail can be what it takes to get you in the mood -- even if you thought that's the last place you wanted to be.
OK. Of course you should talk sex, IN GENERAL, with your friends. Who is going to tell you the best tricks, tips and techniques. Yes, I'm serious. Don't give nasty details including who you are sleeping with. No one wants to be able to picture exactly the act, including the person. That just puts too many pictures in someone's head, and if they want to hear exactly about it - they are a freak and probably you don't want them to be your friend anyway.... But outside of your friends, keep mumm. Your gossipy coworker doesn't need to know about your sex life (umm, I can provide you that nugget of advice from experience), and no one really cares about how good you are at bjs - well, unless you write a semi popular anonymous blog that is fairly well received and read around the world (know anyone like this?)
4. You Should Never Do It on the First Date
Humm, let me start out by saying, I'm guilty of putting out on the first date. I'm also guilty of walking out within 15 min of starting a first date. I've also been stood up, and been left halfway through a first date. Hell, first dates are not exactly my favorite. If it was my choice I would skip to date 4 or 5 if I could. Frisky.com says that, "By all means, act on your right to extract as much pleasure from the evening as possible. And without sounding like your mother, we'd just like to say this: Anyone who tells you otherwise is just jealous. There will likely come a time when these where-am-I-who-is-he? mornings are things of the past, and the only thing you'll regret then is passing up the chance." And I'll take their quote on this one.
I am in 100% agreement with thefrisky.com when they say, "It is never OK to fake it." Thank god someone has finally said that. When you women fake it - you are doing nothing for yourself - or womenkind in general. You are only just encouraging bad behavior in men. If they think they are pleasuring you and doing it ALL wrong and achieving the end goal, you are just teaching them bad behaviors. Seriously, don't let them get away with that. Tell him the truth, don't just do it for you - do it for all the woman that will follow you. Please, and thank you.
2. Porn Is the Enemy
OK, take porn for what it is. Actors and Actresses acting out fantasies on screen. No, you don't have to pretend you are one of them - they are professionals, if you can't bend (or stretch ) like that - it's fine! Use a modification of that pose, or a modification of that idea and use it as a way to turn each other on.
1. It Has to Be Perfect
Sex is not perfect, in fact it's pretty messy if it's good, and if you are too worried about your body being perfect or your underwear being perfect you aren't going to enjoy yourself. So relax. Please just sit back and relax (but not too much - no one wants a lazy fish lover!). Sex is awkward, arms, legs and torsos can get mixed up and end up everywhere. Laughter is the best medicine (and to be arguably the biggest turn on!) If you aren't having fun, call me up... I'll switch places with you and I'm sure I'll have fun with your man.
What type of CONDOM are you?
Turns out there is a quiz to find out what type of condom you are, and the quiz is brought to us by my very own - DC Department of Health. Now, believe it or not - I'm NOT going to make fun of this!!! DC has one of the highest per capita rate of AIDS/HIV infections (and that on it's own scares the crap out of me considering I'm dating - and fucking! in and around this very city!)
But, it's pretty interesting to find out what kind of condom you are. Now, the "quiz" very much like a quiz in any one of those Cosmo or other silly magazines asks 5 basic questions - ranging from what type of music is your favorite, to what type of drink you want in a bar, to what you like to listen to... My result:
Super-size (Larger) Condom
You do everything in a bold way and refuse to settle for anything less. Your larger than life personality best suits a super-size condom.
Yeah, I'm not making that up! Go Check it out yourself. http://www.rubberrevolutiondc.com/ And please, use a condom EVERY time. I don't want to be worried about your peen or vag, please. I worry enough about my own.
But, it's pretty interesting to find out what kind of condom you are. Now, the "quiz" very much like a quiz in any one of those Cosmo or other silly magazines asks 5 basic questions - ranging from what type of music is your favorite, to what type of drink you want in a bar, to what you like to listen to... My result:
You do everything in a bold way and refuse to settle for anything less. Your larger than life personality best suits a super-size condom.
Yeah, I'm not making that up! Go Check it out yourself. http://www.rubberrevolutiondc.com/ And please, use a condom EVERY time. I don't want to be worried about your peen or vag, please. I worry enough about my own.
Sunday, November 21, 2010
More Strange CL Ads: Fart Fetish?
I love looking through the CL ads - you just never know what you will find. Every once in awhile I will look through the M4W personal ads - hell, I'm a single woman, and I've said it time and time again, if you can find a guy in a bar you might be able to find a guy online. If you can find a guy on an online dating website, you might be able to find them on CL (granted, your chances are a whole lot less!). Now - mostly, I just look at the ads to find something to laugh at. Ohh, and I found one today. Please read the following...Do you enjoy a good fart now and then? - 29 (Nova)Yes, I believe I'm reading that correct - this man would like to date a woman with a gas "problem." Umm, yes. I understand a lot of fetishes - I even think some of them are pretty hot. Shoe fetishes, etc. But farts - really?? That's a little out there (don't get me wrong, it's not REALLY out there - but it's a little strange!)
Date: 2010-11-21, 1:00PM EST
Now that I've got your attention :)
Allow me to explain. For whatever reason since I was a little boy I have found it fascinating and mildly erotic when attractive women fart. Weird as hell I know.
BUT if you have a problem (IBS, lactose intolerant, vegan!) etc then I'm your guy. Maybe you know a friend with this problem, please forward her my may :) I don't care about this otherwise embarrassing and very taboo aspect of your life.
I know this has a 1 in 1000 chance but you never know until you try. This is just someone secondary obviously I am "normal" in every other way, have my own house, job, college degree etc.
Please email me if curious and put GAS in your subject line :) ALL emails without GAS will be deleted.
Location: Nova
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
I like that this guy gives us a little indication of what kind of gas problem he is looking for - IBS, lactose intolerant, a vegan - thank you for giving us an indication of what type of problem you are looking for! That's very helpful, even though a bit crazy.
Now, girls... if you have this fetish... or feel if you can provide this service to this man - excellent! Please email him. I'd love to know more details.
Saturday, November 20, 2010
For those man haters and dog lovers out there... awesome penis dog toy.
Yes, you read that right... I was looking through one of my favorite websites tonight - Etsy.com (it's ebay for artisans, where people who make crap can sell it online, it's a GREAT place to get one of a kind gifts, hint, hint for Christmas and such - and if you need me to provide you links to what I want, let me know!).
Anyway, when looking - I can across the following:
awesome penis dog toy with squeaker
Stuffed and squeaky and ready for play! Available in a variety of colors and patterns.
One red one left, otherwise lets discuss a colour shall we? $12.00, Shipping Canada $3.00, everywhere else $4.00
Yes, just in case you feel your dog needs to squeak a rather large sized penis (with balls attached mind you), please spend $14.00 for this one of a kind dog toy. Don't expect men to like you, nor your dog.
I would imagine the people buying this toy would be man haters, who don't like the peen. Now me on the other hand - I like the penis - the balls on the other hand I could do without - but that's a whole other story... And my dogs, it's obvious they like their own penis - they lick it enough. And both of my male dogs are arguably gay, another penis in the house might just prompt them to lay around and lick it or something, and that would just be awkward for company.
I'll pay on this etsy treasure - leaving it for someone else. Maybe you?
Anyway, when looking - I can across the following:
awesome penis dog toy with squeaker
Giant fabric penis! Excellent way to get out your dog's frustrations! Squeaker inside!
Stuffed and squeaky and ready for play! Available in a variety of colors and patterns.
One red one left, otherwise lets discuss a colour shall we? $12.00, Shipping Canada $3.00, everywhere else $4.00
Yes, just in case you feel your dog needs to squeak a rather large sized penis (with balls attached mind you), please spend $14.00 for this one of a kind dog toy. Don't expect men to like you, nor your dog.
I would imagine the people buying this toy would be man haters, who don't like the peen. Now me on the other hand - I like the penis - the balls on the other hand I could do without - but that's a whole other story... And my dogs, it's obvious they like their own penis - they lick it enough. And both of my male dogs are arguably gay, another penis in the house might just prompt them to lay around and lick it or something, and that would just be awkward for company.
I'll pay on this etsy treasure - leaving it for someone else. Maybe you?
Friday, November 19, 2010
Assumptions about women that really do make and ass out of you and me....
Huffington Post linked to a page on Cracked.com (yes, strange website name I know...). The site has an article about 6 "things" that everyone knows about women, that aren't true. IN reality, lets just say it how it is... It's shit that people think about women that in reality is Bullshit. SO what are these things, and do people really think it about women, and is it really bullshit? Well, I think I shall be the judge of this....
So...
#1. Women Aren't As Aggressive....
- Cracked.com sites the nursery rhyme about what little girls are made of, "Boys are made of errant amphibians, mollusks and puppy parts while girls are made of sugar and spice and all that's nice." But calls it it crap, and says that contray to popular opinion - women might be the more aggressive of the genders. (I've seen some crazy bitches! I wouldn't disagree!) According to the site, "Researchers found that when you deindividuate a person--or place the person in a situation where he or she doesn't have an individual identity--aggressive attitudes are amplified. This makes sense. It's probably why Marines are required to wear the same uniform, and hipsters are such pussies. Well, they tested this in the lab by having men and women play an interactive video game that required killing other players by dropping bombs on them. They found that under normal circumstances, men dropped far more bombs than women. But in the deindividuated groups, women out-attacked the men every time, with an average of about five more bombs dropped per session." Interesting points... I wouldn't say that overall women are more aggressive than men. Seems men have a more of a trigger than women, piss a guy off and he's going to go to fistacuffs. Granted, with a woman she's going to bitch your ass out. But I wouldn't think that as aggressive, aggressive is when she bitch slaps you across the face, and there are those women out there - and women aren't all that nice anymore!
2. Women aren't as horny as men...
Ha. You read this blog, right? You should know better. Women (especially me!) are as horny as men or even more! So a recent study (you know these people who site "studies" you never know where exactly they came from or who did them... but just go with it...) so this study of a large group of people asked people about their sexual behavior, one group gave their answers while connected to a lie detector, and the second group was told that their answers would be monitored. The third group was told their answers would remain anonymous (we shall call them the control). So women, when faced with chance of someone seeing their answers were Miss Prudes - and only reported half of their sexual partners that the group connected to the lie detectors claimed. And the women connected to the lie detector actually reported MORE sexual partners than the men in the control group. Yes, women want sex. Boys get over it Hell, I'd think you'd be happy about it.
#3 Only Men Like Porn
So, we all know men like Tits and Ass. Duh, what do you think all those porn ads are for? But woman's brains actually respond just as quickly to erotic images as men's do! And maybe woman's reactions are even stronger. Uh huh. Apparently women's brain's use different circuits. So yet another study (yes, all this science in this post - kinda makes my brain hurt)... They attached EEG electrodes to monitor brain activity and found that a group of woman were shown pictures ranging from pleasant to distributing (they didn't say what the disturbing pictures were - makes me wonder!) Apparently when shown erotic images, the neurons fired at 160 milliseconds, 20% faster than even the quickest reactions to the non-erotic pictures, even those depicting immediate danger images. The women's neurons were "lighting up" even before they were registering what they were seeing. Yes, there was no emotional backstory, no erotica, all of what we here turns a woman on - it was pure sex. uh huh. Woman like porn.
So...
- Cracked.com sites the nursery rhyme about what little girls are made of, "Boys are made of errant amphibians, mollusks and puppy parts while girls are made of sugar and spice and all that's nice." But calls it it crap, and says that contray to popular opinion - women might be the more aggressive of the genders. (I've seen some crazy bitches! I wouldn't disagree!) According to the site, "Researchers found that when you deindividuate a person--or place the person in a situation where he or she doesn't have an individual identity--aggressive attitudes are amplified. This makes sense. It's probably why Marines are required to wear the same uniform, and hipsters are such pussies. Well, they tested this in the lab by having men and women play an interactive video game that required killing other players by dropping bombs on them. They found that under normal circumstances, men dropped far more bombs than women. But in the deindividuated groups, women out-attacked the men every time, with an average of about five more bombs dropped per session." Interesting points... I wouldn't say that overall women are more aggressive than men. Seems men have a more of a trigger than women, piss a guy off and he's going to go to fistacuffs. Granted, with a woman she's going to bitch your ass out. But I wouldn't think that as aggressive, aggressive is when she bitch slaps you across the face, and there are those women out there - and women aren't all that nice anymore!
Ha. You read this blog, right? You should know better. Women (especially me!) are as horny as men or even more! So a recent study (you know these people who site "studies" you never know where exactly they came from or who did them... but just go with it...) so this study of a large group of people asked people about their sexual behavior, one group gave their answers while connected to a lie detector, and the second group was told that their answers would be monitored. The third group was told their answers would remain anonymous (we shall call them the control). So women, when faced with chance of someone seeing their answers were Miss Prudes - and only reported half of their sexual partners that the group connected to the lie detectors claimed. And the women connected to the lie detector actually reported MORE sexual partners than the men in the control group. Yes, women want sex. Boys get over it Hell, I'd think you'd be happy about it.
#3 Only Men Like Porn
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Stupid Couply Jewerly Commercials!
, So, Halloween has passed and you know what that means? Apparently in the minds of our retail world it's now CHRISTMAS!
And what does Christmas time mean in the eyes of the retail world? Commercials Commercials everywhere and all the time.
But what have I noticed the most, especially in the last couple of days? And that has annoyed me... All those happy go lucky ... Lovey dovey ... couply people ... men giving their women jewelry for Christmas. We've all seen the commercials - open scene. Usually soft focus, woman looking stupid and confused, man tricks her in some way and then presents her with that little jewelry box, women looks shocked when opening the box, kisses man - poof! "Every Kiss begins with Kay.,..." or the specific jewelry retail outlet's tag line rings out.
So, these commercials ring out at least every commercial break. Now, how does this make a single girl feel who is nearly 100% likely to be single come 25 December? Yeah, I bet you can guess - like shit! Yes, these commercials are on throughout the year (thanks for the constant reminder that we are not having a man proposing to us or not getting the LEO diamond, or not even getting that shared heart pendant - even if it is ugly!). But come Christmas time, these damn commercials come on all the time, and they are particular "lovely." And no, I don't want a constant reminder that (1) I'm single and (2) I'm not getting cool jewelry as a Christmas present and my only Christmas presents will be the practical ones from my parents or family (ohh, and don't forget the ugly sweater from that long distant aunt - I can't say that is part of my family - but I hear that happens to other people.) Ohh, and don't forget - for me, those three monsters that I take care of 24/7 - the dogs... the only gift I'm getting out of them are ones that come out of the back end... and I'm not doing anything with that other than throwing it immediately away!!!
So, on another note... for all of you out there. I will accept jewelry as a gift! Gladly.
And what does Christmas time mean in the eyes of the retail world? Commercials Commercials everywhere and all the time.
So, on another note... for all of you out there. I will accept jewelry as a gift! Gladly.
Sunday, November 14, 2010
How do girls look best: Sweats or heels?
OK, we all know I'm perfect. I look awesome dressed up in my 4" heels (a short girl loves to look taller), but I look equally as good in my hang out sweat pants at home. Heck yeah. OK, this maybe the half glass of champagne I've currently drank (ohh, but wait, there was a shot of amaretto in there!). That's like drinking a LOT for a normal person right, just because I have no tolerance... Yes, that's my excuse. Or the bubbles, they go straight to my head. Oh, suck it up. Just go with my crazy thoughts :) I can't help it that alcohol makes me a little wacky - that's why I don't drink so often... And why I try to stay away from the comptuer when I do - but this topic should keep me out of trouble, for the most part!
So, what do men prefer their women dressed up in? I've heard a million different answers, and apparently yourtango.com is out to give us the truth... Now is it?
You're getting ready for brunch with your guy: what do you put on to wow him? If you're reaching for your favorite thigh-grazing minidress, you might be surprised to find out he'd rather see you in sweart. UK fashion site My Celebrity Style recently polled 1,125 guys about women's fashion, asking them what they love and what they hate about our closets. Here are some of their surprising answers:
1. The sexiest style: the gym look. Apparently 67% of the men they asked said that nothing is sexier than athletic clothes and no makeup. I cry foul and call their bluff. I will tell you that many men I know like their women once in a while dressed in sweats and looking all cute in a tank. But that bitch better know how to rock some heels and a cute little dress - otherwise her ass is to the curb. And those athletic clothes best not be just for show, and she better not be wearing those of the XL or man variety. They better be the ones that hug her curves really tight, and have some type of stupid word written across her ass. Enough said.
2. A close second: sexy secretary style. Men are going all hot and bothered for the professional, button up business style uniform most professionals wear to work. Think, the secretary, the librarian, you know those stereotypical porn types. Yes. I understand that. Live out a fantasy. But on the otherside, I get it. These girls are normal, every day girls - and hell - they are making money too, and not on the street or as some waitress hustling for money at Hooters - seems like she's pretty stable (of course I say that because that's my style - shhhh)
3. He hates high fashion. Only 15% of men say they like a heavy styled look, and almost two-thirds say they aren't into it at all. They think it looks stupid. You know why - because it does! Trends are come and go for one reason only - because people wake up and realize they are STUPID. They only followed it because someone else did, and they look retarded! A survey by My Celebrity Fashion (yes, that's a real company, and not made up!) put jeggins, Uggs and neon clothing at the top of the list of fashion trends that men hate, surprise surprise! (of course, to be fair... I think Uggs, do have their place - in the winter, to actually keep feet warm - they do have a real use - not that I have a pair, but they do look practical. I also have a mild obsession with Crocs - and suck it for those haters, but they have real practical uses!)
4. Less is not always more. Yourtango is actually surprised that men don't love their "sexy night out style" Over half of the men they served think that women overdress for a night out. A fourth of guys think that the night out dress is too reveling. I would have to say, if you look in the mirror before you go out and question if you look like a hooker or a prostitute, TURN AROUND and change. Unless you are going to the club with the single intention of getting laid (and for free mind you) then wear something that leaves a little to the imagination. And lets be serious, if you are really just going out to get laid, I have two options for you - maybe you should start hooking, at least then you'd be making money instead of spending it on the drinks, or #2, just go on Craig's List and skip all the formalities and just find a quick hookup - you have all the options in the world on there.
5. He loves you without makeup: A full third of the guys polled said that they preferred you without any makeup. Yeah, right. Have they seen a lot of girls without makeup? Now let me tell you about me, because I know ME best. I don't wear a lot of makeup (I don't have the time to put it on, or the patience!) But I do take a good 15 min in the morning to do the basics. Without makeup, first... my skin is SUPER blotchy. I have red spots everywhere. An even skin tone is a thing of myths that the beauty people cooked up to make you feel like it's possible. I also have blond hair which means my BLONDE eye lashes are invisible unless covered with mascara. Ohh, and don't forget that my eyes disappear into my face without just a little bit of eye makeup. SO those eyes that you tell me look great. They disappear without the help of just a little eye makeup... Ohh, and my skin. Yes, I might be 30... But I'm stilll
So, what do men prefer their women dressed up in? I've heard a million different answers, and apparently yourtango.com is out to give us the truth... Now is it?
You're getting ready for brunch with your guy: what do you put on to wow him? If you're reaching for your favorite thigh-grazing minidress, you might be surprised to find out he'd rather see you in sweart. UK fashion site My Celebrity Style recently polled 1,125 guys about women's fashion, asking them what they love and what they hate about our closets. Here are some of their surprising answers:
4. Less is not always more. Yourtango is actually surprised that men don't love their "sexy night out style" Over half of the men they served think that women overdress for a night out. A fourth of guys think that the night out dress is too reveling. I would have to say, if you look in the mirror before you go out and question if you look like a hooker or a prostitute, TURN AROUND and change. Unless you are going to the club with the single intention of getting laid (and for free mind you) then wear something that leaves a little to the imagination. And lets be serious, if you are really just going out to get laid, I have two options for you - maybe you should start hooking, at least then you'd be making money instead of spending it on the drinks, or #2, just go on Craig's List and skip all the formalities and just find a quick hookup - you have all the options in the world on there.
Does Size Matter, oh yeah... I'm going there.
So, Emily from Asylum.com - the only girl on male dominated website posted a video answering male questions about penis size. And apparently there were so many follow on questions after the first video, she had to make a part 2!
Her first point, if you are 5" and over, don't worry! Your are just fine. I must agree. And I must say, that I'm more than happy with an average dick. In fact, I love an average penis. I can take it all in my mouth and he can go to town during sex and all is good! Any bigger and there is no taking it all in my mouth and we cannot go into every position in bed for risk of going "too deep."
Now, if you don't know if your dick is small - Emily has offered her services up to examine it for you if you are in New York City. She says, no photos -- too many photoshop tricks out there!
Now in Part II, it's amazing how many guys came back with questions (although, some very stupid!), regarding Emily's Penis size video.
So does size matter... Yes and no. Read above and figure out for yourself. I'm sick of telling you everything you need to know. Figure out for yourself already!
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Movies that make boys cry.
So here is what they say... And of course, my opinions (if I know the movie, and hell, if I'm of age for them!)
1. Brian’s Song (1971)
This Emmy-winning movie of the week focuses on Chicago Bears running back Gale Sayers (Billy Dee Williams) and his friendship with fullback Brian Piccolo (James Caan). Coach George Halas (Jack Warden) encourages Piccolo to be Sayers's roommate during the season -- the first white-black pairing of its kind in professional sports. When Piccolo develops cancer, Sayers stands by his pal. Perfect for all ages.
-- OK, I've heard this a million and a half times... But since I was born in 1980, I've never seen the movie so I can't judge. But when guys talk about sad movies they always talk about this movie.
2. Rudy (1993)
In this fact-based drama about the triumph of the human spirit, scrawny high schooler Rudy Ruettiger (Sean Astin) dreams of playing football at Notre Dame. But his father (Ned Beatty) can't afford to send him, and his mediocre grades don't cut it, so he ends up at a college across the street instead. Undaunted, Rudy eventually transfers to Notre Dame, where he begins assisting the groundskeeper (Charles S. Dutton) and joins the practice squad.
--> RUDY, RUDY, RUDY! OK, I'll give you this one. I cry, men cry. OK, wait... second sports based movie... Is there a pattern emerging?
3. Saving Private Ryan (1998)
As U.S. troops storm the beaches of Normandy, three brothers lie dead on the battlefield, with a fourth trapped behind enemy lines. Ranger captain Tom Hanks and seven men are tasked with penetrating German-held territory and bringing the boy home. Steven Spielberg and cinematographer Janusz Kaminski paint a harrowing picture of the price of war and heroism -- one that netted them Oscars for Best Director and Best Cinematography, respectively.
--> War movies are depressing, but crying?
4. One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest (1975)
The first movie since It Happened One Night to win all five major Academy Awards (picture, director, actor, actress, screenplay), Cuckoo's Nest still has the ability to entertain and inspire. Implacable rabble-rouser Randle Patrick McMurphy (Jack Nicholson) is committed to an asylum and inspires his fellow patients to rebel against the authoritarian rule of head nurse Mildred Ratched (Louise Fletcher).
--> Movie before my time, and honestly, I'm not one of those people who like old movies. So sorry, I can't judge this movie. Although, I've never heard anyone cite this movie as being sad.... or making them cry...
5. The Natural (1984)
A bat made from a tree struck by lightning and a passion for baseball define Roy Hobbs (Robert Redford). But when he's shot and severely wounded, his career gets cut short. Years later, Hobbs tries out for a struggling team. He steps to the plate and knocks the ball out of the park in this mythic film that's as epic as America's national pastime.
--> OK, I've never heard of this movie. But wait, it's a sports movie... Sports and war movies - seems to be the general theme.
6. Shawshank Redemption (1994)
Upstanding banker Andy Dufresne (Tim Robbins) is framed for a double murder in the 1940s and begins a life sentence at the Shawshank prison, where he's befriended by an older inmate named Red (Morgan Freeman). During his long stretch in prison, Dufresne comes to be admired by the other inmates for his upstanding moral code and unquenchable sense of hope. Co-stars Gil Bellows and Bob Gunton (who's memorable as the amoral prison warden).
--> Yes, I have heard about weepy guys and this movie. And I've heard it's one of the best movies of all time. Sadly, it's one of those I've missed, Netflix??
7. Schindler’s List (1993)
Steven Spielberg's Holocaust epic won seven Academy Awards (including Best Picture) and is an unforgettable testament to the possibility of human goodness. Greedy factory owner Oskar Schindler (Liam Neeson) was exploiting cheap Jewish labor, but in the midst of WWII became an unlikely humanitarian, losing his fortune by helping to save 1,100 Jews from Auschwitz.
--> War, thousands of people killed... and the worst part - you know the end of the story.... That will make you cry right there...
8. Old Yeller (1957)
Disney's heartwarming family classic Old Yeller tells the tale of young farm boy Travis Coates (Tommy Kirk), who learns valuable lessons of courage, loyalty and trust from an adopted yellow mongrel.
--> What boy doesn't cry thinking about his own childhood dog? Being a dog lover I don't blame him at all!
9. The Pride of the Yankees (1942)
This is one of the greatest American stories about one of the greatest American heroes: baseball phenomenon Lou Gehrig. The film follows the Iron Horse (Gary Cooper) from childhood to his later glory on the diamond. Gehrig embodied the American ethic of humility and hard work, playing in 2,130 consecutive games until he was forced to retire because of the disease that now bears his name.
--> Sports movie... makes boys cry, again?
10. Terms of Endearment (1983)
Mothers are from Mars, and daughters are from Venus in this warm, offbeat story adapted from Larry McMurtry's novel. Director James L. Brooks seamlessly tells the story of a mother and daughter whose lives are changed by the men they love and their abiding love for each other. Terms of Endearment won five Academy Awards: Best Picture, Best Actress (MacLaine), Best Supporting Actor (Jack Nicholson), Best Director and Best Screenplay.
--> Really? This seems like a girlie movie...
11. The Iron Giant (1999)
In rustic 1957 Maine, 9-year-old Hogarth finds a colossal but disoriented robot (of unknown origin), and the two form a strong bond of friendship. Before long, however, a government agent is on their trail -- and he's intent on destroying the automaton. This beautifully rendered parable based on British poet Ted Hughes' feted short story features the voices of Jennifer Aniston, Vin Diesel, Harry Connick Jr. and Cloris Leachman.
--> This movie isn't even that old and I've never heard of it!
12. Philadelphia (1993)
When attorney Andrew Beckett (Tom Hanks) reveals his HIV-positive status -- and his homosexuality -- to his co-workers, he soon finds himself unemployed. Seeking to sue for wrongful termination, Hanks works with the only lawyer who'll take the case: ambulance-chasing, homophobic Joe Miller (Denzel Washington). Hanks received an Oscar for his work in this Jonathan Demme-directed film -- the first major-studio picture to tackle the topic of AIDS.
--> Really, could it get any sadder than this movie? Humm, seems Tom Hanks is represented in quite a few of these movies.
13. Big Fish (2003)
William Bloom (Billy Crudup) tries to learn more about his dying father, Edward (Albert Finney), by piecing together the facts out of the various fantastic tales and legends of epic proportions he's been told over the years. Edward was a traveling salesman, and his journeys throughout the South are the seed of the tales. Directed by Tim Burton, the movie co-stars Ewan McGregor (as the young Edward), Helena Bonham-Carter and Steve Buscemi.
--> I've heard of a lot of the people in this movie, never heard of the movie. Apparently, I need to have a sad movie marathon. Because if it makes boys cry I'll be a sobbing mess
14. Million Dollar Baby (2004)
This multiple Oscar winner follows a determined young athlete who, through her sheer determination, awakens a long-lost fire within two aging boxers. Despondent over a painful estrangement from his daughter, trainer Frankie Dunn (Clint Eastwood) isn't prepared for boxer Maggie Fitzgerald (Hilary Swank) to enter his life. Maggie's determined to go pro, and she eventually convinces Dunn and his cohort (Morgan Freeman) to help her get to the top.
--> sports, but makes boys cry? Humm, might be a good date movie. But then again I think everyone in the world say it BUT me. And you know, I used to love movies I just got out of the practice - maybe I should start dating again- that way I could see all these movies!
15. Life is Beautiful (1997)
In this poignant tragicomedy, a clever Jewish-Italian waiter named Guido (Roberto Benigni, who won an Oscar for his role) is sent to a Nazi concentration camp during World War II, along with his wife (Nicoletta Braschi) and their young son (Giorgio Cantarini). Refusing to give up hope, Guido tries to protect his son's innocence by pretending that their imprisonment is an elaborate game, with the grand prize being a tank.
--> Yeah, I never saw it... but anything that's labeled a tragicomedy (all one word!) sounds like a winner ;)
16. Love Actually (2003)
An ensemble comedy that tells 10 separate (but intertwining) London love stories, leading to a big climax on Christmas Eve. One of the threads follows the brand-new, unmarried Prime Minister (Hugh Grant) of the United Kingdom, who, on his first day in 10 Downing Street, falls in love with the girl (Martine McCutcheon) who brings him his tea. Denise Richards, Alan Rickman, Keira Knightley and Rowan Atkinson co-star.
--> I had no idea this movie was sad. Not that I've ever seen it... Again what's with my lack of movie knowledge
17. Rocky (1976)
Gritty, grim and epic, Rocky is the real deal, a crowd pleaser with a less-than-storybook ending. When Muhammad Ali-esque boxing champ Carl Weathers wants to give a nobody a shot at the title as a publicity stunt, his handlers pick palooka Rocky Balboa (Sylvester Stallone). Rocky won the 1976 Best Picture Oscar thanks to John Avildsen's solid direction and Stallone's root-for-the-underdog script.
--> One of the best movies of all time.
18. The Pianist (2002)
Famed Polish concert pianist Wladyslaw Szpilman (Adrien Brody, who won an Oscar for the role) struggles to survive the onslaught of Nazi tyranny during World War II in this autobiographical film. Already lauded at the time for his talents as a musician, Szpilman spent those years holed up in Warsaw, subsisting on scraps of food and barely able to stay alive. Grace comes in the form of a second chance -- at music, at freedom, at life.
--> War Film... Makes boys cry.
19. Mystic River (2003)
Three childhood friends, Sean (Kevin Bacon), Dave (Tim Robbins) and Jimmy (Sean Penn) are reunited in Boston 25 years later when they are linked together in the murder investigation of Jimmy's daughter. This taut thriller from director Clint Eastwood won two acting Oscars (for Robbins and Penn) and was nominated for several more in its exploration of human behavior when faced with pain just beneath the surface, justified rage and scars that never heal.
--> Yet another movie I haven't seen. Geez, this is getting ugly.
20.To Kill a Mockingbird (1962)
Southern comforts abound in this classic adaptation of Harper Lee's Pulitzer Prize-winning novel. Gregory Peck won an Oscar for his role as Atticus Finch, a widowed lawyer who takes on the task of defending an innocent black man (Brock Peters) against rape charges, only to wind up in a maelstrom of hate and prejudice that threatens to invade the lives of his children, Jem and Scout (Phillip Alford and Mary Badham).
--> Oooh, and old one... and of course I haven't seen this one.
OK, some girls might say something negative about boys who cry at movies... And you might expect me to do the same. Yes, you might expect me to hate on those men who cry at movies. But yes, I'm a complex individual. I'm a complex girl. I have no problem with guys who cry at movies - select movies. The guy can't cry all the time, he can't be a complete cry baby, just like I can't be a complete cry baby as well. But if we both cry once in awhile that's good - shows we are both sensitive (inside and out - if you know what I mean!)
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Dating Commercials - too good to be true.
I don't know about you, but it sure seems there are a lot of online dating commercials on tv. Seems mostly I see the commercials for Match.com and eHarmony.com (and we all know my real feelings on eharmony - I was rejected by them TWICE!)
Now, I don't know about you, but those commercials on tv show these GREAT success stories, wonderful dates and beautiful relationships resulting from these online dating sites. And even I personally know people who have had success stories (although some I really do question the "true" success...).
Now... I call Bullshit. No one's dating life is that great, even if you are not using the online dating sites. Who has a first date where it's all laughs and giggles and perfect? Yeah, you show me one of those and I'll show you a check full of adult beverages. And the giggling? It's a bit of the intoxicated variety.
So you know these commercials, they make me feel quite like a online dating failure... Really? I can't have that great of dates - meeting people online or in person! How depressing. And really ... lets make all the people feel like losers because they can't date as well as the commercials?
Now, I don't know about you, but those commercials on tv show these GREAT success stories, wonderful dates and beautiful relationships resulting from these online dating sites. And even I personally know people who have had success stories (although some I really do question the "true" success...).
Now... I call Bullshit. No one's dating life is that great, even if you are not using the online dating sites. Who has a first date where it's all laughs and giggles and perfect? Yeah, you show me one of those and I'll show you a check full of adult beverages. And the giggling? It's a bit of the intoxicated variety.
So you know these commercials, they make me feel quite like a online dating failure... Really? I can't have that great of dates - meeting people online or in person! How depressing. And really ... lets make all the people feel like losers because they can't date as well as the commercials?
The Blog in Review... Top 10 Posts to Date!
# 10: The 20 Strangest Sex Laws, 27 August 2010 and 39 views!
Review 20 Strange Sex Laws that probably shouldn't have been written, but they are damn funny.
#9: How to get a girl drunk... easily and quickly - advice for men, 25 September 2010 and 40 views
One man's how to guide on how to get a girl drunk and take advantage, a bit controversial but seriously good advice for those sluts you date, guys
#8 Practice Makes Perfect, 11 July 2010, 42 views
Post sings the praises of long term sex vs one night stands.
#7 Wow, Just Wow, 19 September 2010, 46 views
An AWESOME google search that ended up at the blog, you'll have to look at the post to see what it is - but it's a good one.
#6 Drunk Dialing, Drunk Texting, Drunk IMing, 16 August, 2010, 46 views
The very dangers of Drunk dialing, texting and IMing those in your life... yes, we all do it.
#5 The Wedding Ring Turn On, 5 September 2010, 48 views
Women have a strange attraction to men wearing rings, at least some women do - and it's embarrassing!
#4 Anonymous, 13 July 2010, 49 Views
I'm not telling you who I really am! I don't want you contacting me asking me for BJ's and shit!
#3 Obsessive Women worries... you know men don't care about them, 2 October 2010 53 Views
10 things that women obsess about that men don't give a shit about
#2 The Boob Shelf, 23 September 2010, 56 Views
Big Boobs act as a shelf to catch everything, and that's not a good thing, always.
and, #1 Craig's List Ad of the Day, 1 July 2010 65 Views
A 68 year old man looking for a VERY specific honey on the side.
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