Drunk Dialing, Drunk Texting, Drunk IMing!

I'm not a big drinker.  Believe me or not - but it's true.  I rarely have a single drink, and I might get drunk once a year at most.  But I have a problem when I drink, I'm an obsessive drunk texter. 

Yes, I will admit it here.  My name is... (wait, do you really think I'm going to tell you my name!).  Let me start that again.  My name is L. Jane Doe and I have a problem.  I'm an obsessive drunk texter, and if I have a computer in front of me, I drunk IM as well.  Now, all repeat after me - Hello, L. Jane Doe... 

Now you'd think, a nice girl like me wouldn't have such an issue like this.  Especially a girl who doesn't drink.  And I'm telling you the truth when I say I rarely drink, and even more rarely am I drunk.  But it is true .  Get a little bit of booze in me, and a little bit of lull in the action.  I get "bored" and reach for my phone.  Really, anyone with a contact in my phone is fair game - which is a little dangerous now with the extent of my contact list in that huge ass smart phone.  In the old days, when I could just drunk dial it was a little safer for me, I had limited people I could call and limited issues I could cause.  These days, I have text and huge phone books and multiple methods of reaching people - email, IM, facebook, text, all in one small portable package - it all provides me a VERY dangerous tool that can lead to much regret in the morning. 

In my "real" life I border on obsessive, so as they say, the alochol magnifies this lovely trait.  This trait that makes me such a great worker, coworker and employee - makes me a really sucky drunk.  If I make the lovely drunk text I want immediate gratification.  The person receiving my text better right me back ASAP, otherwise they will get another text, and another, and another.  That is until I get the response.  And not just any response - but the response I am looking for.  So, play with me here.  I'm drunk, I text you, my questions, requests are simple.  Fulfill them, right?  Is that asking that much?  Wow, I am a bitchy drunk - or at least a needy one.

So.... instead of pissing everyone I know off (which I'm very good at).  I opt not to drink - thus preventing the drunk texting, drunk dialing and drunk IMing.  My friends, acquaintances, and likely my coworkers thank me.  Hell, even those people at those automated lines that have tried to talk to me drunk thank me!