Secret Decoder Ring... for what women say

Girls, admit it... we are damn confusing!  Is it any wonder guys are always confused about what we say and mean? 

So, guys... I'm here to help!  This is my secret decoder to what women say! Per usual, what I found online followed by my own thoughts. 

(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut the heck up. Immediately.  Example: Man and woman are standing in the kitchen. Woman says, "Wow, it's really cold outside today." Man makes a face and says, "It's not cold; it's balmy. There's a huge difference between cold and balmy." Woman suddenly wishes her know-it-all husband would die in some mysterious accident. Wife grabs the biggest knife in the drawer and begins sharpening it. "Fine," she says as she lunges towards him.
YES, YES, YES.  If you ever here a finite "fine" out of my mouth it's a damn clear signal to shut the fuck up.  I'm about at the end of my rope and if you push any further it's going to get ugly.  When you hear the singular fine, back up, walk away and revisit the subject later (if you dare)

(2) Five Minutes: If the woman is getting dressed, this means half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.  Example: Same irritating man from example number one is pacing the bedroom and asking the woman, "How much longer? We're going to be late for the kickoff." Woman turns on the water to the bathtub, pours in bubble bath, grabs her book and yells back, "Five minutes!" 
Apparently women everywhere have completely lost track of time.  I have to say, I'm not guilty of this one, but I know a whole lot of girls who are!  And it works for anytime a girl says, "Be 5 more minutes."  Trust me, it annoys the hell out of me too.  If you are going to say 5 more minutes, it should be 5, not 30, or an hour.  Umm, I might hate people who are untimely without letting you know first.

(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with "nothing" usually end in "fine."Example: The very same man stands in the kitchen and watches out the window as the woman schlepps the trash cans to the curb without so much as a "Here honey, let me do that for you." Woman enters the house, slams the door and heads to the fridge to fetch a bottle of wine, sighing heavily. Man looks at wife and asks, "What's wrong?" She closes the refrigerator door, smiles at him through clenched teeth and says, "Nothing."
Just like fine, when you hear a woman respond to your question with "nothing," run, run like hell.  Because she's on the very edge of going apeshit.  And trust me, you don't want to be the one who becomes the focus of her wrath

(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't do it! Example: Same adorable woman is tired from a long day of carpool lines, toddler playdates, delivering food to the elderly, and preparing a gourmet meal for the family. Man comes in dressed in basketball gear and woman asks, "Where are you off to?" He says, "Didn't I tell you? I've joined a men's basketball league. It's every Tuesday from 7 to 10." She fights the urge to chop off his man parts with a butter knife, sighs and says, "But Tuesdays are the days you put the kids to bed so I can have a break." He pouts and says, "Oh, that's right. I forgot about that. I don't have to go." Wife then says, "It's ok. Go ahead."

Yup, just go ahead and make my day.  I'm in the mood to bitch someone out and you have given me a great excuse.

 

(5) Loud Sigh: This isn't actually a word, but a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of "nothing.") Example: Stupid, stupid man comes home from work and says, "I invited some of the guys over to watch the game. I hope that's ok. You don't have to do anything. You won't even know they're here. I'll order pizza and I promise I'll clean up and have everyone out of here by 10." Woman says nothing, just lets out a huge sigh. He takes this as a good sign (See, I told you he was stupid).

Sighs are not good, not good at all.  The bigger the sigh the more dangerous territory you are treading on.  She sighs, you better say goodbye (at least temporarily)

(6) That's OK: This is one of the most dangerous statements a woman can make to a man. "That's OK" means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake. Example: Woman is excited about going to the hottest new restaurant in town. When the man is late getting home from work, she calls him on his cell and learns he's still at work and won't be home for another hour. He apologizes and promises to make it up to her. She says "That's OK," before hanging up and then spends the next half hour wondering what life would be like if she was married to Ryan Gosling.

That's OK, means exactly the opposite, it's so NOT ok!