Phallic "uncircumcised" Boots.

Just a quick comment.  I love shoes, boots, anything really that goes on my feet (I even have a love affair with crocs - don't judge me! they are super super comfortable, and every shoe has it's function...)

Anyway, lately, I've seen boots that look like the ones to the left.  Not necessary with the buckles, but the "shaft" that goes down over the foot.  Now, maybe it's just me, but when I see these boots, all I can see in my head is a big ol' uncircumcised dick.  With the little shoe "head" popping out. 

I have no idea how in the hell this is attractive at all.  Just a comment, and a thought.  Back to your regularly scheduled programs.

How do you flirt?

More of those researchers have been researching - this time on how people flirt.  Dr. Jeffrey Hall, at the University of Kansas has been interviewing people about their flirting styles, dating histories, and have come up with 5 basic styles of flirting.  Everyone basically fits into one of these categories, and learning about your style (or lack of style) of flirting can help you hone your skills and maybe pick up the man or woman of your dreams. 

One can only assume that if you understand how you flirt that it can only help you flirt better and more effectively!  So keep reading, and let someone crazy Physiological Doctor who lives out in farm country help you. 

1.  The Physical Flirt:
Those woman and men who aren't afraid to express a sexual interest in the man and/or woman they are interested in (I'm being fair here, all sexual interests are welcomed here!)  The physical flirt fall into relationships quickly and deeply.  They have a lot of emotional connections and red hot sexual chemistry that burns hard and fast.  You know the type.  She wears the red hot dress and leads with her lips.  She falls in love quickly but also falls out of love as quickly. 

2. The Traditional Flirt:
Traditional Flirts have old-school values and tend to think that men should pursue women (think Patti Stanger and Millionaire Matchmaker style).  The Male traditional flirt usually believes that the male should get to know the woman as a person before he tries to date her as a woman.   Now the traditional woman flirt often has a very hard time, because by her own standards, she really can't flirt. 


3. The Polite Flirt:

The Polite Flirts follow all the rules (yeah, probably not all that fun!)  and flirt in a non-sexual manner.  The polite flirt is slow to approach a person they are interested in - but once they enter a relationship - those relationships are meaningful and long. 

4. The Sincere Flirt:
The sincere flirt is exactly that - sincere.  They want to know exactly how you are doing, what you are like and want to make a sincere emotional connection with you.  More woman prefer this flirting method than men (and I'm not saying this is because men are not sincere - this is what the researchers say!!! Take it as they say.)  But the relationships of the sincere flirts tend to be meaningful - which is always a positive thing.

5. The Playful Flirt:
While it sounds like a positive thing... playful sounds fun... right?  Oh, but no!  Playful flirts, flirt not as a "means to an end" but rather for their own self esteem.  According to Dr. Hall, most playful flirts aren't interested in long term dating - and are less likely to have meaningful relationships.  But ... with all their playful flirting - they feel damn good about themselves!

So?  I will not tell you what I think I am... I'll leave that up to you.  I'm sure you can peg that pretty easily :)  How about you/  What are you?  Does it help or even hurt you dating?

Hey guys, notice THIS!

I'm a girl (and not one of those who bitches about being called a woman either!) and I think askmen.com has some really awesome articles.  Today, Top 10 things she wants you to notice. 

So, guys... Word to the wise.  If you want to get laid or anything related to that, take note.  Notice these things, or at least some of them!  If you don't, she's going to get all huffy and it's just not in your best interest.

In reverse order according to askmen.com (but I have to say, I don't think it really matters what order they are in!)

Number TEN: Her Shoes.  You don't have to have a shoe fetish to notice her shoes (although, from one shoe lover ... from experience dating a guy with a shoe fetish is damn fun - it gives you a reason to buy really cute high heals and a reason to wear them!  I highly recommend it.  What I don't recommend are the weird ass guys who take the shoe fetish thing to extremes, he can like you IN your shoes, but if he likes the shoes more than he likes you - let him have the shoes and move on!).  OK, back to the shoes....  guys, a woman’s posture, gait and presence are noticeably changed when she wears high heels, you actually do notice it, even if you don't think you do.  High heels also apparently make make our legs look longer (excellent for short people like me!), highlight our asses and re-angle her torso to make our boobs stand out.  All excellent features.  And let me tell you, for the most part, we wear these shoes to look hot, and why do we look hot?  well, for nothing other than for the men we are trying (or have) to attract.  So take note, and maybe say something next time. 

Number NINE: That she's funny. I've reviewed a lot of online profiles in my day, and also talked to a lot of friends (and other people) about what they want in a significant other (whether it be male/female/other - you never know!) and not once have I heard, "I want someone who doesn't have a sense of humor." or "I don't want someone that is funny."  Got it?  Of course we all want someone that makes us laugh.  Laughing is often the only thing that makes the day worth it.  When you are stressed and feel like giving it all up, a good joke can make it all better.  So, if your girl makes you laugh, if she's funny - guys just tell her.  Askmen.com suggests that it could be as simple as saying, My friends thought you were a lot of fun,” or just laughing genuinely when she shows off her comedic timing.  All I say is just laugh with her, and definitely not at her.  But don't blow smoke up her ass if she's not funny... she'll just continue to tell the same stupid jokes, and that's not helping anyone!  The same is true for guys, not funny is not funny.  And encouraging not funny is just not good.

Number EIGHT: That she smells different. This one I shall refer to Askmen, as I'm not a real fragrance type of girl, although I know many girls and guys that are.  Askmen says that girls really do want you to notice our scent and if we change our signature scent.  According to them, we pay close attention to the way we smell, finding the perfect balance of perfume, lotion and other scented products. and when we change that signature scent we want you to notice.  Humm, I guess they are saying, because I don't pay attention - I stink, in more ways than one.  But then again, I do wear perfume on occasion - maybe I do want the man to notice my signature scent, then again - the rule about perfume or cologne is that you don't really want him/her to notice it really, but just rather sense that you are smelling good, right? 

Number SEVEN: That she cleaned up.  Oh yes, lets follow one that's not so great with one that is HUGE.  A guy comes to a girls place and he better say something.  Even if it's just about the general theme of your apartment, house, dwelling... he better compliment something!  Now, if this guy is a regular visitor to your humble home - he should notice if you've cleaned up, made some changes, etc.  Now, for me... a girl who isn't exactly the best housekeeper in the world, these words of encouragement are VERY helpful in motivating me to keep a clean home, and also note, the more visitors I have the more often I clean, or keep it clean. But without any visitors I let the place look like ... well... it's hard to explain.  Lets just say, I've had people say they've never seen anything like it.  So, compliment me (or any woman) on the clean house - it helps maintain cleanliness!  

Number SIX: That she's been working out.  Probably the number one fatal mistake a man can make around a woman is not notice that she's either lost weight or is looking more toned.  So guys, seriously - even if you are wrong, always compliment a girl on her workouts (even if you think she's just going to the gym to gossip or show off her fancy workout gear - yeah, I've seen those bitches in the gym, stupid sluts take up the machines for the rest of us!)... Anyway, if your girl is making an attempt at getting fit, or staying fit, whatever the case may be, notice it (that is if you still want that girl - if you don't, don't notice, she'll be finding someone else!).  Besides, compliments, whether true or not, will encourage her to keep going and her looking good (or even better!) is not going to hurt you any, that's for damn sure.

Number FIVE: That she got waxed  Ouch.  I'm not sure if any of the guys out there have had hundreds of hairs ripped out by the roots, and from a very sensitive area.  Ohh and not just for "fun" but just to please YOU.  But hey, think about it.  Dude, if your woman gets waxed, down there... and you don't notice - and praise the freaking ground she walks on for doing it FOR you... you deserve to be completely dipped in hot wax yourself.  And lets see how you like it having every square inch of hair pulled off your body.  And let me tell you, I don't know about other girls, but I'm not going to wax that shit for just anyone, and I can't say I every have or ever will...  (If I ever feel the need, I'll put out the money for laser hair removal, the cost is worth it!), but dude, if she's waxing, notice it.  If you don't, you are a complete and utter asshole and you dont' deserve her. 

Number FOUR: That she got all "dolled up."  You know, it can take some girls hours to get all dressed up, with the clothes, the shoes, the makeup, the hair.  It's quite a production - that guys don't seem to understand or care about, and that's totally fine.  They/you don't have to understand the process or why we do it.  But what they do have to understand is that when it's all done and we appear before then looking all cute and shit we want to hear that.  It doesn't have to be some long drawn out ... "you are so beautiful, blah, blah, blah" Although that's great to hear.  But hey guys, something short and simple, like, "Wow, babe, you look amazing!" Makes the hours in front of the mirror worth it.  Don't ignore or get mad about the time we were in the bathroom, we want to look cute/hot/spectacular - especially if we are going out with you.  We want to look good on your arms, and you should want us to look good too!

Number THREE: That she has prepared an "occasion."  This one was a new one to me, again I shall refer to Askmen.  The website says that it's important to acknowledge when your woman makes an effort to create a special atmosphere for the two of you - such as  making an elaborate dinner or placing candles around the bedroom, otherwise known as an "occasion."  And to do so in return.  I guess the easiest way to put this is, when she puts effort into doing special things for you don't take it for granted, and for god sake don't let HER do all the work... you are supposed to do it as well.  If your relationship is a nice 80/20 split and she's taking the brunt of the 80%, she's going to go find some other dude that is going to provide a much higher percentage.  I like to think that both parties in a relationship should be putting in 60%, that way there is a good 20% leftover spillage to fill in the cracks when someone falls a little behind. 

Number TWO: That she has a new hairstyle  Ah, girls and their hair.  We love our hair - short, long, curly, wavy, straight.  But what we don't love is when you guys don't notice when we change it.  And I have to admit it, us girls, we notice very subtle changes and think it's HUGE.  Girls change their hair from auburn to copper and expect you to notice (hell, I don't even notice!).  It's not easy.  Just try, error on the side of, "Your hair looks great." and she might have changed it by just doing it differently or getting a whole new style at the salon - you are golden.  But dude, if you know she was going to the salon for a big cut, color and style.... MAKE SURE to compliment her on the results when you see her next. 

and .... Number ONE: That she's wearing new lingerie.  Yeah, I get it.  When you are getting down to business you just want to rip our clothes off.  But we often take time to pick out special bras and underwear sets just to turn you on.  So damn it, take a second, or even a millisecond to appreciate it.  Then rip it off and have your way with us. 

CL Strikes Again... "Must be able to pronounce the word cuntmuscle."

Now, this is not a Craig's List ad I found on my own.  I give full credit to one of my favorite websites, regretsy.com.  Now, I'm not exactly sure why regretsy, a site that posts silly, stupid and outright ridiculous products on another one of my favorite sites, etsy.com, posted this CL ad... but I don't care.  This is a good one. 

Mexican Guy Needed for Boom Box Performance (Brooklyn)

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Date: 2010-12-15, 6:46PM EST
Reply to: job-kk4vb-2115000816@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]
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Looking for Mexican dude to stand outside this girls house and play romantic songs through boom box.

Must have your own boom box.

Hours will be evening 6-10. Please be able to prounonce the word cuntmuscle.

That is all. This is serious. Thanks guys.


Location: Brooklyn
Compensation: Ten dollars an hour
Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster.
Please, no phone calls about this job!
Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.

PostingID: 2115000816

OK, I have no background on this post.  (but I'm a little thankful it's posted in the NYC CL and not the DC CL!).  But why is this guy looking for a Mexican?  When I see boombox and playing romantic songs all I can think of is John Cusak and Say Anything - and I don't think of Mexican there, and then throw in the whole, "cuntmuscle" thing and I'm totally lost.  Ohh, but he's serious.  And hey, $10/hour, for 4 hours, it's not too bad of money, tax free... might be worth a try, if you are Mexican, have a boom box, know how to pronounce cuntmuscle, and live in NYC.  Humm that's a lot of stipulations... I don't know.

Romance in the Snow.

OK, excuse me for a second while I veer off my path of obnoxious bitching and ranting. 

I grew up in the Midwest, where snow was a very regular occurrence from late November until often March or even April.  Now, here in the metro DC area we are lucky if we get any snow at all!  Last year we had a an amazing snow storm that people have dubbed Snowmagedon where we were dumped feet of the fluffy white stuff in just a couple of days (yes, that's a bit overkill).  But I can't help it, I just love the stuff.  And even more so, I think snow is just some of the most romantic stuff in the world.  Just go with me here.

There is just something about the quiet that takes over when it's snowing outside.  Even better when it's so quiet that you can even hear the snow falling.  Now, that's kind of hard in this place where it seems like there is always some kind of sound - sirens or trucks or something.  But sometimes it's just quiet, think late at night or in the early morning.  I like also when it's so cold you can hear the crunch of the snow.  Yeah, call me sick, but I like that kind of stuff. 

So lets add a man to this mix.  The snow falling down around you, Blanketing you in a your own little ticker tape parade.  Going in for a kiss, the heat of your kiss melting the snow falling around you.  The only thing you can hear is the blood pumping through your veins and the snow falling around you?  yeah, that's hot.  Very hot.  Also, just very romantic.  Especially because when it's snow out, there are less likely to be people around and you always feel alone, it's like mother nature made this snow just for you, and you are in your own little romantic snow globe.  You can't tell me that's not awesome.

And even better.  Is that you don't have to say out in the cold!  You can come inside and watch the snow falling!  Snuggle up by the fire (yeah, I wish I had a fireplace - but I can imagine) on a bearskin rug (ok, again - imagining).  You both have your mug of hot cocoa, hot toddies, tell whatever you want.  There is nothing like snuggling up when it's snowing outside.  Feeling like you are shut in alone until it stops snowing.  There is just a sort of romance to it.  Now, you can't tell me I'm wrong on this one.  Even if you hate snow - the snuggling by the fireplace, or even on the couch while you watch a movie is an awesome thing about snow.  It just gives you a great excuse to stay home and enjoy the one (or ones - I won't judge!) you love.  So take the opportunity, even if the ones you love are four legged (hey, until I find a man that loves both me and my dogs - my dogs are my only love!) and while it snows snuggle up and enjoy.

Ways to NOT pop the question...

One in four guys pop the question around the holidays, but it's also the month of a statistical spike in breakups.  All according to yahoo's Relationship blog, Shine.  Yes, we all think no matter what way a man asks his woman to marry him, it is all great.... but no.  There are bad ways to pop the question. 

Here are 5 bad ways, boys take them to heart.  Girls if you see them coming - you might want to think twice!

1.  Proposing in a very public place.
Evidence, see below video:

Need I say more?  Probably not, but I will, because we all know I can't keep my mouth shut (or my fingers still)  Proposing shouldn't be about everyone else, but rather just you and him - hell the marriage isn't about making a grand and very public pronouncement of your love, but rather committing to each other - so make the proposal about each other.  The last thing you need is to make her feel like you are gilting her into something just because there are a lot of people around. 

2. Putting the Ring in Food

I've always been a little scared when I see (or hear) about people dropping the ring in champagne or putting it in any kind of food item.  And there is reason for concern here.  A high level of risk exists here for that ring, especially if the man keeps the whole thing very quiet.  One slip of the tongue and that ring is in the belly and instead of on the finger, and coming out is not as pleasant as going in.  And I imagine trying to find it on the going out side is less than ideal situation, and leads to a bit of a less than exciting moment when you first put the ring on your finger.  So boys, keep that ring in the box, if you really feel the need to do some special surprise, just keep it out of food that she could possible consume.  you really don't want the next trip after the engagement to be the ER.

3. Inviting the Internet into your Private Moment
So, in the video below, some guy (obviously a bit of a IT geek - I have no hate!), spelled out "Will you Marry me" with gold coins and has his wife play Super Mario Brothers.  Now, I have to tell you, alone I think that's kind of cute (and the dog lover in me loves at the end where the beagle joins in the celebration!)  But ... it's a private moment, and I feel a little voyeristic watching the video - and that's the problem!  If you are more concerned about developing your proposal to become a viral video on you tube, than the actual proposal to the woman - you've got a problem.  And it's a big problem that will probably solve itself in less than 7 years and I'm sure you will have lots of time, by yourself, with youtube then.  And you will have all the time in the world to make your own viral videos.  Anyway, like I said in the first one, a proposal is for the man and woman involved, and you don't have to invite the whole internet - and everyone on it - in to join you. 


4. Don't propose the day you wed. 
This should probably also just be said as, Don't get married in Vegas.  Eloping, not usually a good idea. Often one party would feel like they were getting pressured into it.  Give each other time to plan and get used to the idea.  Devoting your life to another person, and legally binding to them isn't something to shake a stick at (in fact from my position right now it sounds damn right scary.)

5. Beware of the Weather
This is a new one for me.  But Shine.com had a whole list of disasters where the weather was to blame including:

- One guy had the best intentions hiking up a mountain with his girlfriend to propose. But when they got lost and the temperature dropped, they had to call in the mountain rescue services to save them. Needless to say, he never got the chance to get down on one knee.
- Another groom-to-be lost the $9000 heirloom he was about to give to his future wife when she dropped it on a rock jetty.
- Then there’s Megan Fox who was so thrilled to get a ring from Brian Austin Green that she dropped it on the beach and sent a search party to find it, without success.

Umm, that's all I need, get some predictability and don't let the weather interfere.

Charity begins at home...in bed.

I know you've heard that one about Fortune Cookies.... You know where you should always follow up with the actual fortune you find in the cookie with the words, "in bed" to find out what it really means.  Well, the fortune or piece of advice - Charity begins at home, with the phrase "in bed" fits perfectly with this next story.

A new upscale condom company based out of Colorado called Sir Richards Condom Company is set to put on a new brand of condoms on the market in high end retailers such as Fred Segal, Viceroy Hotels, Paul Smith menswear botiques, and Whole Foods grocery stoes (well, I've heard of 2 of these places, and really have only ever been to a Whole Foods...)  The condom - $13/dozen is not cheap, but for every condom sold in the United States, the manufacture is donating a condom to a developing country - you know to help prevent AIDS and stuff (good idea - but do the condoms have to be SO expensive?  What are they made from - stretchy gold?!?) 

Also, in another twist, Sir Richards has also come out with a cleaver campaign noting the vast price that a child has if the condoms are not used properly.  Umm, I would hope that's enough of a preventative.  I'm thinking - seeing the fact that it costs that much for a kid, I will pay that little but for a condom!