Dating Frustrations

Most things in life you can work hard for and achieve what you want.  Dating is definately not that way.  In fact, I tend to think it might be completely the opposite - the harder you work, the worse it gets!

Lately, as I've said before, I've put my dating in high gear.  For the first time in a long time I feel like everything in my life is actually in control and stable.  Everything I've wanted to achieve, I've gotten. (at this point of course - if I've really achieved all my goals at 29 I have a much bigger problem!)  But the only thing that really remains is to find that "special person" to share my life with. 

But, on this "quest" of sorts - I've really failed.  And that is even more frustrating.  How can one be a failure at dating but achieve everything else?

Responses to Personals ads and Postings.

Here is a Public Service Announcement (PSA) to all those who respond to any personals ads or CL Postings. 

Do not, and I repeat, DO NOT send a generic response if you ever want the person to ever return your email/message/etc. 

You ask, what is a generic response.  For instance, say I posted a simple post on Craig's List right now for someone to just chat this evening, and the first response was from a guy who told me that my ad was very interesting and caught his interest. And you can just tell it's a copy and paste job - he obviously has the canned response on file for any "ad" he finds even responsibly interesting and sends it off in hope that some woman will bite.

Often I will call them out on it.  Tell them that their canned email was retarded and isn't going to get them anywhere.  But not tonight, I have no energy for laziness.

So what's my advice for sending a message or responding to a posting.  Pick up on something small.  If someones personals ad has an interesting little tidbit of information that strikes you, send them something a comment on that.  Now, I would never spend a lot of time writing a long drawn out response.  While I give this advice, if the other person doesn't find your profile interesting (on a dating website) they aren't going to write back.  Now if you are working something like Craig's List and you write a witty comment based on their post, it always helps! 

So, go with the witty comment based on what they said, but don't go into too much detail (save that for when you actually have them hooked in - and can't lose them based on something so little).  Don't use the same canned response - that's definitely not gonna get you anywhere. 

Hey Bitch, Take Care of your man.

I hate cheating.  I think it's wrong.  I do not condone cheating at all.  With that said, sometimes I'm embarrassed to be a woman.  I say that because a lot of men cheat because their woman isn't taking care of them at home. 

I've heard it time and time again.  After being in a relationship/marriage/etc for awhile it becomes stale.  The woman stops putting out.  She has a headache, she's too busy, all that stuff.  All of these excuses.  (On a side note, I cannot use my own experiences here because it's been ages since I've been in a relationship!)  The sex goes from being hot-hot-hot to being not-not-not. 

That's when the guy start straying.  I cannot count how many times I've been contacted via my online personals accounts or Craig's List posts by guy in a relationship of some sort for a little "extra curricular" action.  After my refusal, the guy will usually tell me why.  Honestly, most of them really don't want to cheat on their wife/girlfriend but they are just sexually frustrated and need the release.  (Do I see that as an excuse - hell no!  And I tell them so!)  In some sick way I understand them.  I feel sorry for them.  If their bitches would just put out at home they wouldn't go out looking out somewhere else. 

So that's a note of caution to all of you in relationship.  Don't put out (hell, that's on both sides!) and risk the other party going somewhere else to get it.  Seems obvious - BUT don't think it is.

Does everything have to revolve around alochol?

I'm not a big drinker.  Not to say I don't consume alcoholic beverages, because I do.  As one of my friends firmly believes, you should never trust someone who doesn't drink, I do consume a drink here and there - but rarely more than one or two.  And very very rarely to excess.  This is not to say I have any problem with those who do (well, you might think differently when I'm done writing this).  I have a weakness for champagne and lambic (a very fruity fermented beer that is bottled in champagne bottles) and I drink an obscene amount of tea - iced and hot (ok, that's not alcoholic - but I drink a whole lot of it.)

Now, I might be extra sensitive to the fact because I don't drink a great deal - but dang it sure seems like everything these days has to revolve around drinking.  It's probably the age I am, and even more the location in which I live.  After work we do Happy Hours.  On the weekends you go out for beers.  For brunch it's gotta be a champagne brunch.  Even if you have a BBQ there has to be a lot of beer involved. 

Yes, I know I'm going to have a lot of haters out there.  A lot of people love their drinking.  I'm not one.  I don't love the feeling of being out of control (can we sense that I'm a bit of a control freak - no, not me!).  I also just don't like dealing with the after effects. Yes, I'm sure that's part of me getting older.  Who wants to deal with a hangover in the morning when there is stuff to do.  dang, I sound REALLY boring. 

I'm not going to complain, nor do I abstain (god, what do you think I'm a dork?!?) from hanging out when people drink.  I just grab my nifty ice tea after I've had my one or two drink limit.  One of the reasons I don't drink is that I have a very very low tolerance.  I'd never be able to keep up with you drinking.  I'll end up on a table somewhere or need rescuing (and no one needs that hastle!)  But how about next time, we try something that doesn't just have drinking?  Dinner?  Being just outside?  Ya think?  Maybe we can all stay sober and remember what happened. 

A Record Day

Today is not even complete, and it's been a record day on this here crazy blog.  I've had more hits and more new visitors than I ever have before.  I cannot help but believe it's from this morning's interesting post. 

Now, I have to say, I've had some negative response from the bj's and big girls post.  Some of those who know me believe it's just a call for attention. 

This blog was never intended to be a call for attention to myself, and in that I mean as the person I really am.   Yeah, I'm not going to reveal that!  In fact I wish it cold be completely anonymous.  But the bitch of it all is that without asking my friends, family and people I know to read it - I wasn't going to get anyone to read it!  So it has to be somewhat non-anonymous.

The goal is for all of the people I know to forward the craziness I write on.  That way there are lots of people who don't know me reading it.  That way it becomes more of a commentary on the strangeness of dating and less on me.  I just want to use my own experiences as examples and funny antidotes! 

It's Monday. Time for a Big one.

So... I've been thinking since I started this blog about a topic that has often weighed on my mind.  It's a big one, and I'm feeling generous - it's Monday.  My inhibitions are down (not that I've ever held anything back!)  Enough chit chat.  Here goes.  Are "bigger" girls better at the blow job/sex/etc?

I've often thought of this very thing because I am on the bigger side, and I've been told I give good head.  (hey, family members - and weak of heart you might not want to read further!)  One of my biggest worries in life (ok, maybe not the biggest worry, but you know what I'm talking about)  is that I'm labeled as the "fat girl who gives good head"  Yeah, no one wants to be known as that - we want to be SO much more!  But it makes me think - are bigger girls better at bj's and sex in general?

From my unscientific and very general poll of men I know (some I've been intimate with and most I haven't - I'm one of those rare breed women who can stay friends with an ex after the break up - wow, I know!) the simple fact that girls who are bigger, and maybe not necessarily a 10 are better in bed.  The skinny, "pretty" women often feel as if they have everything going for them and they don't have to do anything in bed.  They can just lay there.  Blow jobs are beneath them, and they really shouldn't have to work for anything in the bedroom.  All I can say is that they really must not enjoy sex either!  On the opposite end of the spectrum, it is said that "bigger" women have something to prove - they want to please their man, to keep him around.  They have to prove that they are good at everything they do, include sex.  So they go all at it in the bedroom.  They often aren't self conscious about their body and it's flaws and have fun.

Are they exceptions to the rule?  Of course, they are exceptions to every single fucking rule in the world.  But overall I have to say this one is true.

The gut feeling.

I have a lot of gut feelings in dating.  (And no, it's not the very sensitive stomach I inherited - thanks Dad - very appropriate for Father's Day...)  Now, these gut feelings can be positive or negative, but they are always there.

Lately, my gut has been getting me a lot.  And all in the negative way.  Like I've said, I've been trying to amp up my dating - all because of my insecurities of turning 30 (yes, I know they are all unfounded, but suck it - I'm having them anyway, I can't help it!)  And my gut sense is on overdrive!  I meet these guys, usually online of course - since that is my meeting men mode of choice - and my gut tells me something.  Granted, maybe it's just because I have an extra pudge there around the waist - granted maybe that a good thing!  (By the way, can I tell you how much I LOVE google image search - when I need an image for this blog - because without images it would be boring, I do a search and presto.  Take a look at this one, awesome!)

OK, some examples....

Theoretically, lets just say I've been talking to this guy for a couple of weeks.  I met him on Craig's List (yes - that dirty dirty word again!)  He seemed like a nice guy, everything on paper looked ok, and our conversations were fine - nothing out of the ordinary, maybe just a little boring.  But my gut was telling me, NO.  So, when he asked me out, I kept putting him off.  I think I might have put him off three or four times.  Finally, late last week he revealed that he actually knew who I was, outside of the online world through work relationships - YIKES!  Gut feeling realized.  While not as scary as it sounds, it was relieving.  I actually felt better, and the conversation suddenly became more free.  You know that gut feeling - it was because he was holding something back (hey, you, yes you... I know you read this!)  Strange gut feeling gone and all is good. 

How about the gut feeling that someone is married or seeing someone.  Fast forward to another situation.  Lets just say that someone I was talking to is so intent on meeting me.  But he will only meet me during work hours.  Humm, fishy...  Very fishy.  I used to be much more bendable, but not these days.  You cannot meet me at any hour or the day or any day of the week - Gut feeling -- you lose.  Not gonna happen.

I also use my dogs as a gut feeling check.  If a guy don't pass the dog gut feeling check.  He might as well just turn around, because he isn't going to get any.  If the big dog likes you, that's easy.  He likes everyone.  If the little dog likes you, you are in.  If the little dog doesn't like you - you might want to just pack up and go.  Don't pretend to like the dogs, I can tell.  So can they. 

How about the good gut feeling?  Yeah, haven't had many of those lately....  Would I like to - hell yeah :)  So if you have any guys that could provide that good gut feeling send them by way, I'll gladly provide my phone number and address - after I've done a thorough background check on them!