The Dating Workaholic

So.... I'm a workaholic.  Recently I had gone through a bit of a reformation - I wasn't working more than 9 hours a day - and not even working at home **gasp **! 

But then the latest project hit, and the last month of so I have been back in my groove.  You might argue, groove is a bit of a positive term.  And I have to agree.  I feel better when I'm being a workaholic.  When I'm in the "lazy" mode, I'm super lazy - I don't do shit.  But in workaholic mode - I'm on, really ON.  I'm a bit addicted.  Yes, it's kind of sad. 

Now, if you saw my hours in the office, you might not think of me as a workaholic.  Especially as of late.  I've been going in at 9, and leaving around 5.  I can hear you out there - how can someone who does the 9-5 be a workaholic?  Well, I will answer you!  I work a GREAT deal at home.  Being a silly mother of two dogs I have to be home to make sure they don't completely destroy my house.  So the remaining 4-6 hours per night I do at home on the couch. 

OK, all that is the opening to the real reason behind this post.  How does one workaholic date?  Well....  you got me!  I don't go out a whole lot.  Sometimes I do Happy Hours (HH) with my friends, but I very rarely meet people at those.  I also spend a great deal of time at the dog park - and let me tell you, it's not the pick up spot you read about in COSMO.  I go there dirty, I'm dealing with the dogs, and I can't carry on a conversation because I have to watch the dogs.  Besides the fact that most people have dogs because there are "testing out the waters" with a puppy in a relationship.  So what does that leave me?  Of course - two options that I see.... dating those I work with and online dating.

Dating at work is apparently looked up very negatively.  It, of course, has positives and negatives!  Positives - hello!!  You get to see that person all the time.  You know who they are before you start dating.  Negatives, you will still have to see them after you break up even if it goes badly!    Also, there can be a lot of gossip.  I've gone out on a date or two with a coworker, but never had a serious relationship with a coworker - but I'm not against it.  Now, the men I work with feel VERY differently.  Maybe it's just the guys I work with, but maybe it's men in general.  They are highly against this dating in the workplace thing. 

Now we all know about my affinity for online dating.  It's a workaholic's wetdream.  You can browse personals during a short work break.  You can shoot off a quick email and even have email conversations at work (during BREAKS - of course!!) with potential dates.  The only issue is actually scheduling dates into the busy schedule.  Of course, this way I weed out to the weasels and only go out with the guys with actual potential (very few!) and cut off email conversations with the duds (very many!) first. 

But, if anyone has better advice, I'd love to know it.  And if that advice is kill the workaholic ways - umm yeah, I don't want to hear it :)  Workaholicism has gotten me where I am today.  Maybe if I meet someone who is worth it, I'll change, but in the meantime it brings home the bacon (or takeout).

Long Absenses!

Yes, I apologize.  It's been awhile since I've written anything on this blog.  My next post will explain.  Of course - this doesn't make much sense because I'm writing that post next but you will read that post first.  Oh well, who cares.  I've been working a great deal and haven't had time to write - for fun.  It's literally work, walk the dogs, sleep.  Hell, I even let my house get so nasty that I didn't even want to be here/there/where ever.

So excuse me, I'm sorry.  Please keep reading. 

Diamonds are a girls best friend.

Long ago I decided that if I wanted something I had to get it for myself.  I wasn't going to depend on a man to get it for me.  I guess what I'm going to say right now is a bit of an oxymoron to that first sentence - but live with it.  When I was turning 18 I foolishly kept saying that all I wanted for my birthday was diamonds.  Yes, diamonds at 18.  You know what?  The best man in my life - my dad - bought me diamonds!  A little flower shaped ring with a Sapphire center and diamonds as pedals.  Still to this day I wear that ring nearly every day.  I'm sure my parents thought they were foolish - buying a complete klutzy, messy girl, a diamond ring.  But let me tell you, I cherish that ring. 

Now, I'm turning 30 (in just over a month and a half - take notes please!).  I think it's again diamond time.  Now, I've just taken care of my own diamond purchases as bought a very nice watch with diamonds around the bezel. 

So, for those who are keeping track - Dad?  My brother? I think diamonds are again in order for my birthday.  Thank you.  You may now return to your regularly scheduled program. 

Anonymous ....

I originally started out this blog thinking it would be anonymous.  Well, all that flew out the window when I started linking the postings on my facebook and twitter pages.  I had to be real, without linking to for my friends to see no one was going to read it.  Very few people would "accidentally" come across my random musings.  I can't fool myself to think someone would actually give two shits about what I say/write - even if I fool myself to thinking it's important. 

Now, if you've read my postings they aren't always the most appropriate for all readers.  Think bosses - family members - small children -- all of which are my friends on facebook.  This makes me a bit nervous.  I have questioned if I should continue to link the blog postings to facebook at all.  If I do this - you, my loyal or not so loyal (you better become loyal damn it!) readers would have to bookmark this and remember to visit on a semi regular basis to see updates.  You could alternatively "become a fan." 

It's just something I'm considering to venture more into anonymous territory.  Let me know your thoughts, opinions on the matter.

Practice Makes Perfect

I'm not a fan of one night stands.  I know you've thinking, no shit - you are a girl!  But I'm not sure my reasoning is quite the norm.  Typically, people don't like the one night stands because they are cheap, you feel used, blah, blah.  Of course, I don't like them for those reasons also.  I'm not a cold hearted bitch (although some people might argue that - we just don't talk to those people!)

My reason that I don't like one night stands is simple.... practice makes perfect.  And in a one night stand - no matter how far you go, from just kissing to "all the way," you just can't fully explore your partners likes and dislikes. 

What, you say?  Yes, it's true.  When you do a repeat performance with the same man you can learn what turns them on... what makes them tick... and what makes them quiver.  And he damn well better do the same!  

Now, the same better be true of men around me!  He better want to stick around to explore (in the Biblical sense of course).  Now from what I hear (and I only pretend to understand) men don't have the same feelings and emotions attached to the bedroom activities.  Getting their rocks off is good enough for them.  Like that stupid picture we've all had forwarded to us with one switch for the man and about 100 flips/switches/etc for a woman (and no, I'm not going to copy it here because I hate it!), women are more complex when it comes to the bedroom.  So apparently the same goes for one night stands, because guys tend to love them. 

But dang it.  I don't like them.  If I'm going to put out with a man, I want it to be satisfying.  I want it to be satisfying repeatedly.  So don't fuck and run dudes.  Stick around.  I will (as long as many girls I know!) will continue to learn how how to pleasure you.  You should do the same.  It only gets better with time.  So suck it up and stop getting scared.  Buck up. Suck up, and get fucked up!

Blind Dates of the Digital Age!

When I think of blind dates, I think of something really old school.  Like two meddling mothers who think their children would make the perfect match and set them up on some date that probably would never work. 

But this is the digital age, and times have changed!  Now you can have your blind dates set up by a COMPUTER.  Just think of the possibilities.  There is a new website called Crazy Blind Date  which is run by OKCupid (I have mentioned them before in this blog).  (Unfortunately, right now Crazy Blind Date is down for maintainence) 

Just the other day I heard about Crazy Blind Date on the local radio station.  While I can't directly access their site right now, I was able to find details about them on other websites.  Currently Crazy Blind Date "serves" the Boston, San Francisco, Austin, New York City, Chicago, Washington, D.C., and Los Angeles areas. Once you sign up for the service you give basic details about yourself and what you are looking for in a date.  You upload a picture, but when you are matched, you only see the person's very basic profile, not including the picture.  Instead they show you a very pixilated picture.  You will see only enough information to have a few converstaion starters.  You also include what days, times and neighborhood locations you are available for a date (of at least 20 minutes in length).  Crazy Blind Date then matches you up with a person with similar qualities.  They set up some type of proxy texting service so your number is never revealed to the other person, but you can communicate on the basic details such as what you are wearing and where they can meet you exactly at the location.   After the date, both parties have to fill out a questionaire about how the date went, including if the date showed up, etc. 

So?  Do I think Crazy Blind Date is Crazy Good or Crazy Bad?  Jury is definately still out.  But I do like the idea, it has possibilities.  In a world where people make snap judgements based on a picture or a single line in someone's profile the idea of having to give someone 20 minutes is very interesting.  Granted, the other person could very well be a total loser, or worse an ax murder.  BUT you are meeting in a public place, and it's only 20 minutes minimum. I also like the idea of not having to impress someone with a picture.  Personally, I take the worst pictures - I angle my head down just a little bit and I have double chins on my double chin.  I don't know how they multiple, but they do - I blame the flash. 

We'll see how I feel when Crazy Blind Date comes back up from whatever maintaince they are doing.  i'm not sure I could stand the rejection. 
 

Boys and their Toys, Girls and their... shoes.

I'm a girl.  and I have a problem.  I have a shoe problem.  My house is seriously littered with shoes.  There are shoes under my couch, in the middle of the living room, all over my bedroom, in the hallway, and even in the kitchen.  And I'm an equal opportunity shoe collector.  I have everything from the 4" heels I wear to work, to crocs (don't knock them - I LOVE them!), to flip flops, to big rubber wellies. 

The one thing I can say about shoes, and my shoes is that I don't have expensive shoes.  That's not to say I don't have expensive tastes!  I would love a pair of Manolo's or Jimmy Choo boots - but I cannot justifyy spending the amount of money on a single pair of shoes that would feed me for a month (or more!).  Instead, I'm a HUGE fan of the TJ Maxx Shoe Megashop.  Discounted, mid priced "designer" shoes at lower prices. Get them on sale and you can have really decent shoes at no more than $50.  I try to never spend more than $40.  So, I have a closet full of shoes that I rarely spend $40 for.  (the exception are athletic shoes, which I will shell out a little more, but even them you can get at the Maxx for cheaper!)  

Now, I've been thinking... what would be the optimal boyfriend for me?  Lets see... How about a man with a shoe fetish.  A guy who would appreciate me "showing off" my heals.  He would want me to have the best shoes and would be willing to shell out the money for them.  Hello, Manolo.  Hello Jimmy!

Phrases never to say to a single person!

So, I saw this article (19 Things You Should Never Say to a Single Person ) on the Internet weeks ago, and it really rung true.Now, I mean no disrespect to the original author - but dang it ... this is MY little place in the web.

I've been single a long time, hell, a VERY long time.  I've heard it all.  So let me give my opinion on these phrases...

1. It happens when you're not looking. 
This is a favorite phrase of everyone who is "paired up."  They like to use it to remind you that you are not only single, but you can't even find someone to date.  I cannot count how many freaking times people have said this to me (and that is in the last week - let alone lifetime).  So, tell me.... should we all never look for a mate, another person?  Hate to tell you, but then no one will ever get hooked up and we will all be fucked! 


2. There are plenty of fish in the sea.
Ahh, the favorite one for the post-break up.  You know what, yes there are plenty of "fish in the sea."  Lets think about it.  Take out the marrieds, the psychos, the felons (unless you are into that thing).  OK.  the fish are significantly reduced, and that's only eliminating the "fish" that are really smelly/bad!  If you start taking out the ones that you just don't like- hell you only have a handful!  No, I really don't want to hear there are plenty of fish in the sea.  Damn it, it sure doesn't seem that way.  It's damn hard to meet just one person that fits with your personality, that you even want to spend a time with.  Let alone have a relationship with, so next time someone suggests anything to do with fish other than eating it or catching it tell them to stick it up their ass!

3. So, why are you single?
Umm, really?  If a person has the balls to ask you this - they deserve to be cut in the face (that's a term my brother who HATES this blog) likes to use.  If you knew why you were single then damn it, then you probably wouldn't be single. 

4. You're too picky.
And the 50% of relationships ending in divorce weren't picky enough, thank you very much!  Yes, I'm nearly 30 and still single.  And maybe it's not my own fault - but damn it I'm picky because I don't want to be in sucky relationship.

5. You'll find the right person for you.
Yes, I'd like to think so.  And thank you very much for reminding me that I don't have that person, yet.

6. When the time is right, you will meet someone.
This is the ULTIMATE worst phrase EVER.  I cannot tell you how much I hate when people tell me that I will find the man "of my dreams" when the time is right.  My mom used to tell me (when I was in college) that my cousin didn't find his perfect woman until "later" - later was actually Senior year of college.  I still point out to her, that they were 25 or something when they got married!  I've thought many "times were right" in my life, and still haven't met anyone.  This phrase is baloney.  So please, stop using it.  Bury it!

7. It will happen when you least expect it.
Again, really?  Do you really have to use this?  People only say this AFTER they've been in a relationship and look back.  Yes, of course in hindsight they didn't "expect" it to happen. 
8. It just wasn't meant to be.
And yes.  It just wasn't meant to be.  God obviously didn't want it that way.  Bullshit.  It just didn't work.  Say it as it is.  Enough said!

Pizza Face... acne everywhere!

In high school its ok to be struggling with acne, right?  All teenagers have pimples, it's a right of passage. 

But, I'm 29 years old and have more acne than most teenagers.  Umm really?!?  Are you kidding?  Not only do I look like I'm very young, but my face is full of zits. 

I can practically hear all of you out there telling me products to use.  Everyone's favorite seems to be Proactiv (if it works for all those great celebrities, it should work for me, right!)   Let me tell you.  I've tried proactiv.  That shit burned the shit out of my face.  Like, chemically burned the skin on my face.  For weeks I had a red, peeling face that looked like I had really gotten a chemical peel at a salon.  Now, you'd think that would be a great thing, right?  Yeah, no - it wasn't THAT kind of chemical peal.  It just hurt like a bitch.

These days I've found something that's a little more gentle - I'm not burning my face on a regular basis - but I'm still controlling my face (partially).  It's Philosophy's On a Clear Day line.  Bonus Points too because it qualifies as a medical expense and therefore I can get it under my Flexible Spending Account Plan (FSA) and get it pretax dollars!  Really it's the little things in life for me.

But as to prevent this post from being the most boring blog post ever. . . . Tonight I have a date.  And of course, I break out.  Not only do I break out, but I get two awesome zits.  First, is the awesome one right on the bridge of my nose - in the middle of my eyes.  And you know - it can't be a small one, it's got to be a big one.  You know the kind that actually obstructs your vision because you cannot help but see it because it's so big and just right there on the bridge of your nose.  Yes, that's the zit I have.  So I can't hide it by makeup, and even if I tried, it would look worse.

The second zit might even be worse.  But being that it's opening weekend for that silly Twilight movie it might be ok.  My second zit is a huge honker on the side of my neck.  It literally looks like a vampire, or at least a spider bit my neck and left me for dead.  So this huge tumor of a zit on the side of my neck might be just attractive for a vampire - I better hide from all those Edward and Jacob lovers out there - psychos!

and.... 1,000 people!

Crazy!  I started this blog just over a month ago and I never really imagined anyone would read it - let alone like it.  Now I find people actually enjoy it (again, I can't believe it)

Mostly, it's just my rantings and ravings about crap that I think about.  Some days I'm more coherent and interesting than others.  Some days I don't even know what I'm talking about myself, or even what I'm trying to get across. 

According to the Stat Software I installed as of now I have had 1,000 unique visitors to this blog (wait, 1,001!!!). 

Craig's List Ad of the Day

It's that mid afternoon slump at work and I'm falling asleep. I've tried walking around the office, going to the bathroom, idle chit-chat with the coworkers (which I really hate). Now it's time for the big guns - Craig's List! CL is always good for entertainment and it never fails to wake me up because I always find a post that I just cannot believe I'm reading. And Craig, you did not fail me today.

It’s tough to date when you’re married - 68

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Date: 2010-07-01, 12:19PM EDT
Hi there.
Just so you know, I am very real, and yes, I have all the male body parts you desire.

I’m a MWM who is looking for a MWF (or DWF) for a semi-long-term relationship. I am NOT looking to break up anyone’s marriage. Mine’s not ideal, but I’m not ready to throw in the towel yet, and I am looking to fill a void. I’m not interested in a one-time thing.

What you get: An attractive, sane, sincere, creative, fit, well-educated, literate male with a full life. I’ve got a lot of sexual energy that goes unfulfilled...just looking for the right woman to unleash it on.

I am also a highly respectable parent, professional, and good citizen--the man no one would ever expect to live a double life.
What I seek: A MWW (or DWW) who is attractive, sane, sincere, creative, well-educated, literate and smart. Someone who knows what she wants out of an affair and has done it successfully before (I have). A woman who can appreciate that I will be taking risks to meet you and that I will only do that when I feel comfortable that you are as you describe yourself. A woman who understands that this is a relationship based on passion, respect, and discretion — I’m going to need all three of these.

What the “we” will entail: One or two emails a day, physical contact a few times a month, an emotional and physical connection. I want to lust after your mind and your body.

Let’s get this started: Please tell me about yourself. The more you tell me, I guarantee the more likely it will be that I respond back.
Information I’d like to see in your first email:
* You must be married (or divorced), kids are a plus
* You must be between 38 and 55
* If you don’t include a photo then please describe your body type
* Describe your sexual interests. Do NOT send me a picture of your “body” thank you.
* Give me an idea what your time and distance constraints are
* Any other information you would like to include!

Be forewarned that I am not looking for a "Casual Encounter."

Did you know it's tough to date when you are married?  I just want to say a big, NO SHIT!?!?!  Did you know it's tough to date when you are single! 

I cannot believe, for one, that this guy has the balls to be looking for someone to date when he is in a relationship.  But not only is he looking for someone to date, he's being extremely picky about it too!  Notice the list of "musts" he includes at the end of his posting. His "ideal" woman must be married (of course, what fun would it be if you BOTH weren't cheating!), between 38 and 55, have a photo, but not a nude one, your time and distance constraints and your sexual interests.  Note, that the only details we get about him is that he's sane (debatable after seeing this post), attractive (by whose account?), sincere (but not trustworthy, as evidenced by his ability to successfully manage his marriage and at least one additional relationship), creative (I'll give him this one - this is a pretty creative post), fit (says who?), well-educated (humm?), literate (Congrats?  You can write, I assume you can read) male with a full life (well, of course - you are married!  And you want to add more women in your life, I actually think you might have a little too much time on your hands!). 

But note also, that he points out at the very last sentence he does not want to have a casual encounter!  So no one time fuck and run for this gentleman.  He wants to wine and dine his mistresses, but don't think you'll ever get anywhere, because as he said his marriage may be crap - but he won't leave it.

Umm really?  Do guys think they can get away with this crap?  And the scarier thing is that I think some of them do!

Wait. I forgot to mention. This guy - he's 68. SIXTY-EIGHT years old. That's nearly 70. Men at 70, especially married men at 70 should not be thinking about "having a lot of sexual energy to unleash on a woman" as he so eloquently puts it. Yes, viagra is a great invention for men, but not so they can go out and whore around - yuck!