Dating out of your league

Match.com (the offshoot of yahoo's former personals section...) had a new article up today - how to date out of your league.  And of course, who doesn't want to date out of their league?!?  We have all seen the those couples that just don't make sense - the supermodel and the nerd (and I'm not talking about ones that make lots of money - ones that actually just love each other.) 

So just how does the "5" get the "10"... there has to be a way.  And for all those "5's" (or lower than tens) out there, just how do we date out of our league? 

Tease your way to conversation

I'm a huge fan of teasing, and apparently it's actually a good technique for reeling in that big fish of a man.  April Masini, author of Think and Date Like a Man and Date Out of Your League, suggests sending a short note with an out-there, curiosity-provoking subject line, such as “Thanks for the message.” That way he/or she will open the email trying to figure out what you were talking about - he didn't think you sent him a message - I gotta say, that's an awesome technique.  Half the battle is for the person to actually open the email!  Neil Strauss, author of The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists, favors an irresistible challenge that shows your confidence, like: “Tell me about something funny that happened to you recently. If it makes me laugh, I’ll send you two photos. You won’t be disappointed.”   Also good, anything that invites a response is also a good technique.  Yahoo also suggests, sending them a link to a site that generates a silly name - such as your porn star name or something and sharing your own -- it just invites sharing.  Now, all this is great...  but I wondered how this is any different than just getting a response from a person in your league?  Thank you so much for providing this little bit of info yahoo... apparently this witty type of teasing emails provolk responses sometimes even before they go to your full profile - BONUS for you!  Especially because people tend to judge based on silly things on profiles.

Chat with panache
First off, I always use the articles titles ... and I have to admit, my vocabulary sucks.  So I had to google panache and it is, "Panache is a word of French origin that carries the connotation of a flamboyant manner and reckless courage"  And if I have to look it up there has to be at least 1 or 2 others that didn't know it too - so there you go - your word for the day. 

So chat with reckless abondan - and don't state the obvious - "I liked your profile.” “I think you’re cute.” “We both like pizza!”  Try to mention something obsecure that really interests you.  Case in point.  I saw an ad on one of the dating websites once and buried deep in his profile was a comment that he was a master at making animal sounds.  I grabbed onto that comment and wrote him back telling him how cool that was and bragged about my ability to oink like a pig and squeek like a guinea pig.  Guess what?  I got a response right away!  Not bad (and hey now, no sexual references here - this was completely innocent - believe it or not!)  And I'm not the only one - Alex Garth of New York City, a self-described “6” on the looks scale in the article gives a similar experience: “I knew the woman I wanted to meet was a model — she said as much in her profile.  She also mentioned that she’d traveled to China, which we had in common, so I sent her an email asking her what she thought of Shanghai. Within a couple of weeks, we were dating.”


Pave the way for a first date

Awesome, Congrats!  You've finally attracted that 9 or 10 via the online dating and it's time for a real face to face meeting.  Oh shit, now it's time for a date. You know, you've made all the "right steps"  (Which I think is debatable).  But some people agree that you do the online messages, IMs, then the phone call which can prove (or disprove) that you want to spend actual time together.  The biggest problem in online dating?  That's extremely easy (and at the same time, very hard)... the over anticipation.  On paper or online, a person can look so perfect (and perfect for you) that you put them up on a pedistal and basically idolize them.  But when you meet them in person expectations meet reality and it's not good.  I cannot count the number of times I've meet what I thought was the perfect guy online only to see/talk/meet him in person to freak out because he seemed like a totally different person.  Talk about a complete and total buzz kill - and you can't escape that easily after you've basically professed your undying love to him online - so be careful about sharing emotions before you met in person! 

Empower yourself in person
As the lower number in the equation, it's extremely important to always show confience - because as we know, confidence is extremely sexy.  And no matter where a person is - they should always show that confidence.  Masini recommends walking straight up to the man or woman you’re eyeing and introducing yourself. “Don’t be a shark and waste your night circling,” says Masini. “That invests your time in someone you don’t know,” which will only make you feel more self-conscious about not being “good enough” for the person. You have to tell yourself that you are the one worth knowing, not his/her sorry little ass.  Remember, outside looks fade - what matters is what's on the inside.

Look good, even if you’re not great-looking

My mom always had a saying for me, Always wear your sexiest lingerie under the most conservative business suit - it will make you feel sexy no matter what is going on.  And while being a DD there isn't much sexy going on under my business suits - they don't make a while lot of sexy for the big girls... What I do do is  look good all the time.  It's important to always look your best (and feel good about how you look).  Wear clothes flattering to your body type.  You know, don't wear the latest trend if it doesn't work on  your body - and trust me, a lot of them only work on certain body types.  Note, skinny jeans - look horrible on anyone that isn't stick sktinny.  Just leave them for the girls who are 100 lbs soaking wet.  There are styles that flatter a larger woman's shape - just find them!

Four levels of slut

I came across an article the other day, that opened my eyes to the world of the slut.  Nathan DeGraaf on the Points In Case website (which doesn't mean anything to anyone - and really it's just someone else writing shit somewhere on the web...)  I just liked his ideas.  So... he came up with a categorization of the Four levels of slut.  And before you get all huffy - he's being good to us women!  Not all sluts are bad - Nathan is out to help us woman who get the "bad" slut label.  Read on, not all sluts are bad! 

Level 1: The Sexually Liberated Woman

The first level of "slut" is not really a slut - she's the woman who gets sterotyped as a slut because she likes to have sex (god forbid!). 

The Sexually Liberated Woman tends to not have a boyfriend - but rather tends to get laid.  And get laid a lot.  This woman doesn't care about settling down and having a family and all of that American dream BS, and she thinks it's highly unfair for other woman to judge her based on this choice.  And god knows that women are the biggest critics of each other!

Honestly men love this type of woman (Nathan - the author of this article included!) because she's the queen of NSA sex.  And what guy is going to turn down sex without committment.  It's the best of every world!  I've gone through this phase in my life, and had many a friend judge me for it.  And it's not fair to be judged for just following your bodies wants (and needs!).  And seriously, if you are safe about it, why the hell not!  Go for broke, you are only young once.  Go for the committment later (and I'm going through that phase now...) 

Level 2: The Garden Variety Slut

Like the Sexually Liberated Woman, the Garden Variety Slut doesn't have a boyfriend.  Unfotunately, unlike the Sexually Liberated Woman, the Garden Variety Slut leads men on.  She tends to sleep with multiple men at a time leading them all on to thinking they are entering into a relationship.  Basically, she's a game player...  Now these girls shouldn't be even allowed to roam the streets - they make the rest of us girls look horrible and make guys think twice about dating girls.  Bitches should be sent to an island to all fuck with each others heads. 

Level 3: The Cheating Slut

I've written about cheating before and how much I hate it!  Now the author of the original article, Nathan, says there are 3 different categories of cheating sluts: those who cheat on a boyfriend they've had a couple of months and then tell him (which he claims is no big deal); those who cheat on a guy they've dated for a few months, never tell him, and force him to find out from his friends (a slightly bigger deal because these sluts lack honesty); and then there are the worst kind—the sluts who fuck around on a man they’ve been with for years and never tell him about it. Nathan says that when men call a woman a "slut" or "whore" this is the kind of slut they are really referring to.  Personally, I think this kind of slut is just beyond horrible - any type of cheating is highly unacceptable (on the part of men or women)  If you don't want to be in the relatioship you are in and want to fuck around with someone else, end the relationship and knock yourself out.  Don't hurt someone else's feelings in the process.  And before you go accusing me of feeling this way because I've been cheated on - I actually haven't been cheated on!  I just have had way too many friends that have been negatively affected by cheating. 



Level 4: The Money Grubbing Slut

The Money Grubbing Slut actually loves her boyfriend, believe it or not. But she money as well.  She may not make the money he does and expect someone to support her habits - whatever they might be.  This type of slut will seek out the men who can take her to nice places and buy her the shiny objects she so desires.  Nathan thinks this is the worst kind of slut because she pisses on love all for material things.  DC is full of these kind of sluts.  You know the type.  The girls who are dating "daddy" and bringing all kinds of shiny objects home that she (or her man) can obviously not afford...  But no one dates to question because they don't want to know the truth.

Guys Never to Date, or... My dating History in a Nutshell.

There are millions of men out there... And while it would be great if we could just throw a rock and hit Mr. Perfect it's sure isn't that way.  (that's for damn sure - otherwise, no one would be single!).  So who should we avoid? You know, rock throwing isn't an exact science, but there are some men that we sure should avoid - and I obviously need to work on my aim - I obviously throw like a girl.

1. The loafer-dreamer.
You know the guy, he sits on the couch all day and does nothing.  He might play some video games and be very handy with the remote, but he sure isn't contibuting to the good of society.  And before you jump all over me - yes, I highly understand that we are in some economic woes right now, and that's understandable.  I know many people who are unemployed - and you can be unemployed and not be lazy!  You don't want to date a guy who is unemployed and isn't looking for a job or isn't contributing to society (and/or your relationship in some way!). 

2. The negative Ned.
You know the guys (hell, and women too!) that see the glass is half empty.  Who wants to be around a negative person - especially a guy that is trying to impress you?  Shouldn't he be trying to pull you up not bring you down!  If a guy finds fault in everything around, he's going to find fault in everything that you are.  RUN RUN RUN!

3. The egomaniac.
Ahh, I have a secret love affair with the egomaniac, and I'm not afraid to admit it.  I love a confident man who borders on asshole.  Is this good?  Hell no.  The egomanic controls his world and you just live in it. You know the guy - your feelings don't really matter and his attention will rarely be centered on you.   But you damn well better worship the ground he walks on.  But at the same time, in some strange magical way, you feel like you have been blessed that he has allowed you to enter his world.  I can't explain it, but the egomaniac pulls you in and makes you feel like crap and you love it. 

4. Dude with a ‘tude.
The bad boy.  In person they all look good.  You know the tattoos and all that.  It's hot, right?  His stance against authority sounds great, in theory.  Until you turn out to be the authority figure...  Remember, in "real life" authority is a fact of life.  And you don't want a guy who is constantly fighting "the man."

5. The chronic flirt.
Flirting is awesome, if you are the target of the flirting.  Now, if your boyfriend is flirting with everyone else, it's not so great.  You know the guys, the ones who are constantly flirting with anyone who has boobs - and likely is staring at those boobs at the same time.  Even the most confident and secure woman can only handle so much.  Ditch the constant flirt unless he's just flirting with you - because flirting is great but it often leads to more...

6. The mama’s boy.
MOMMY!  I love a man who is close to his family, but you know the type, he's gotta guy approval for every action from his mom.  She still buys his socks and underware and if she's close enough she does his laundry.  If his mom has his key to his apartment (or house) it's not a good thing.  There needs to be some major seperation!  You should be the #1 woman in his life, and mom can bump down to #2.

7. The addictive personality.
Ahh, so many addictions - so little time!  Drugs, gambling, alcohol, excercise, shopping...   If the guy has an addictive personality you might want to pass him by.  Because he can easily get addicted (say obbsessed)  with you... All that addicting is draining. 

good news for the guys - Staring at boobs is good for you!

This is awesome news for the guys in the audience.  A German study has shown that staring at a woman's breasts is actually GOOD for your health!

500 men in the study, half were asked to not look at boobs for five years (yeah, that must have been a struggle and wonder how many actually followed that protocol!) and the other 250 men were told to stare freely (and I guess given free reign to go to all the strip clubs they wanted - I wonder if German strip clubs have a lot of leiderhosen?).

The study found that the men who were told to stare at the women's breasts more often showed lower rates of heart issues - including a lower resting heart rate and lower blood pressure - sounds worth it to me - especially in a time when heart disease is a VERY common killer.  The scientists suggest staring at breasts for 10 minutes daily.  So guys, if you get caught - you have an excuse! 

Watch the video - it was an actual news story on Fox in Boston!

Congrats to me! 10K Views and Stats to Date

Today a momentous occasion happened here on this blog!  I have officially have had 10,000 blog hits!  Yes, it is true, and nothing short of amazing. 

And for anyone as interested in the statistics as me...

Top Posts
(with links if you want to see them for the first time or again!)
1. Boxers or Briefs - 195 Views
2. Sexting Acronyms - 141 Views
3. Craig's List Ad of the Day - 65 Views
4. How to get a girl drunk... easily and quickly - advice for men. - 62 Views
5. Snuggie Sutra - Sex with your Snuggie On - 61 Views
6. Worst Cities for Dating - 61 Views
7. Obsessive Women Worries, you know men don't care - 59 Views
8. The Boob Shelf - 57 Views

9 Movies that make boys cry - 55 Views
10. Threesome Rules - 52 Views

Top Audience
1. United States 8,671 Views
2. Canada 426 Views
3. United Kingdom 188 Views
4. Russia 65 Views
5. Germany 58 Views
6. Japan 47 Views
7.Slovenia 42 Views
8. Netherlands 29 Views
9. France 25 Views
10. Latvia 25 Views

and finally...

Post Views
Pageviews today -39
Pageviews yesterday -41
Pageviews last month -1,096
Pageviews all time history - 10,097

The silent STD... a PSA from me to you...

Yes, I'm going to get on a soap box here - but this is a topic that is close to my heart.  I know many people (including myself) who have been diagnosed with what I shall call the silent and little known STD - human papillomavirus (HPV).  I only share this bit of personal information because HPV is not a very well known STD, and a lot if unknown about it.  Most importantly is that the consequences of the virus are very severe - cervical cancer for woman, but very little impacts for men.  What's really strange is that most men AND women carry the virus and have no ill effects.  If you well educated on the HPV - read up - PLEASE.... The best fact sheet is on the CDC's website - linked HERE. 

Alarmingly a new bit of research was released on Monday.  Turns out that roughly half the general population of men in our country may be infected with HPV - which to this date has been thought of to date to be just a "woman's disease."    There currently is a vaccine - you might have seen the commercials on tv to prevent HPV infection.  The vaccine called Gardasil has to date only been given to women between the ages of 11 and 26 (I missed the age range!), and while doctors are free to use the vaccine in boys and men from ages 9 to 26 US Health Officials not have yet recommended the practice. 

HPV is scary.  Little is known in the general public about the virus and the test for the virus is not given in routine STD examines.  Likely a woman won't find out about an infection until she has been diagnosed with a side effect - ie precervical cancer, genital warts, etc. 

Like all the other STD's prevention is obviously key.  But unlike other STD's HPV does have a vaccine - so girls if you can - GET the vaccine!  If you are too old, like me... protect yourself, EVERY time.

Shocker... Some men don't want sex!!! WHY?!?!

So... guys have heard all the excuses in the book.  You know - I have a headache, I'm tired, blah blah blah.  (and I will note that I feel very very sorry for these men, an excuse once in awhile is one thing - but I hear bitches the world over are making excuses all the time and that's just not cool!)

Now, the no sex movement is catching to the male gender **gasp** according to Ian Kerner a sexuality counceler (how does one get that job and best selling author and owner of blog/website on sex - GoodInBed.  Apparently, low sex drive in males is at an all time high - oh no! - and there are a number of reasons why.  If you are one of the VERY unlucky females who have encountered a man who doesn't want sex (and god forbid this never does happen to you!) these are some of the reasons why.

Biological.
You know the old body isn't working the way it used to.  Ian Kerner sites physical causes of low sexual desire such as heart disease to antidepressants to alcohol or drug use to even low levels of tetesterone.  Boo!  All of those sound like the body is getting older, and older means all kinds of crap is happening - just ask my body, and at 30 it seems like everything is deciding to change, break and just not work the way it did just 6 months ago.  This is such crap, who said we had to get older?  If it's biological, sounds like someone needs to make a visit to the doctor - sex is a very important part of our health - right?

Emotional.
Any girl knows that a man has a very fragile psyche.  Even the cockiest guy in the world has some serious self esteem issues tied to his cock.  And if that self esteem is shattered that cock is surely not going to going up anytime soon.  Sucks for you!  Ian Kerner says that other types of emotional issues can leave the cock limp and in this time of emotional crisis of job changes/loss, financial worries and other such crap sex is not high on a guys mind because he may feel like less of a man (bitch of it is that sex can be a great stress reliever!)

Relationship.
So you don't have a great relationship?  You know you argue all the time?  Do you really expect him to sleep with you.... seriously... How stupid are you?  Ian Kerner points out that his libido surely might not be diminished but he's not going to waste it on  you - he might claim he's not in the mood - but he's definately going to be utilizing some personal mastrubation time with some good porn, visiting some strip clubs or even having any affair.  Just because some arguement is taking place out of the bedroom doesn't mean it won't manifest in bedroom activities.  If  your relationship is solid then your sex life will be solid.  The old addage of makeup sex doesn't always hold true.  And you can only maintain a relationship based on hot makeup sex for so long. 

Porn.

Porn is great, don't get me wrong.  But it's great if used in the right context.  The wrong context is if a man (or a woman) uses porn as a subsitute for the real thing.  Ian Kerner says that men are mastrubating 50% - 500% more than they wold normally without Internet porn (ahh, the miracles of the internet!).  Basically, if you are mastrubating to porn all the time, then you aren't able to get it up in the bedroom and leaving your woman high and dry. 

 
Now, let me tell you... Guys - they are used to striking out.  They don't take it personally.  Women, we are emotional creatures.  If a guy turns us down we feel like it's all our fault - and you don't want a weepy woman around feeling like she's to blame.  Besides, if you turn down a woman - she's a lot less likely to initiatate in the future, and you guys are always bitching about girls not initiating sex.