Those Non - Negotiables...Just say no.

As we get older (yeah, I know that sounds so cliche!), we start to learn who we are and what we do and don't want in a relationship.  But most importantly I think we develop (or we SHOULD) develop a list of "non-negotiables."  You know those things that you will not bend on in a relationship. 

I heard them talking about this on the radio the other day - your list shouldn't be too lengthy.  Otherwise you are obviously setting yourself up for failure.  If you won't bend on a huge number of things it's going to be very difficult to find a man who fits your ideals.  You can't have this list of MUST haves that is pages and pages long.  Not only are  you setting up yourself for failure, you are setting an unrealistic expectation for men.  And if I was a man I would say far, far, far away from you.  I can't imagine a man with a list of expectations for me a mile long, I would constantly feel like I was being judged and could never relax, and never relaxing in a relationship is like always being on a first date and that sounds absolutely miserable. 

On the opposite side, you don't want to have no "non-negotiables" or a really short list, because you could and can end up with just anyone.  You have to be strong about what you don't want!  If you accept anything, you will get anything!  And anything literally means anything, and in this day and age, anything is quite a lot.  The shit that is out there is pretty damn scary! 

Once you have these non-negotiables you really have to stick to your guns.  Don't compromise!  You made these decisions for a reason (and while you were single!).  Don't make exceptions to the rule just because he's cute or because he is so great in another area.  More than likely that bad trait will come back to bite you in the ass later (speaks from a girl with personal experience!)  So stick to your guns, if he has one of  your non-negotiables, keep going!  Don't even get involved - in fact politely tell him you aren't interested and run away.

Here are some ideas of non-negotiables.  Some are mine, some are ones I've just thought about, and some are those of my friends.
1.  Smoker
2.  Drinker/Alocholic
3.  Drug User
4. Uneducated
5. Unemployed
6. Children - doesn't want them
7. Children - has them
8. Divorced
9. Currently in a relationship/Married/etc (not all that funny - guys who are n a relationship are always asking single (and married!) women out)
10. Too Short/Too Tall/Too fat/Too Skinny