Dying your... UNDERARM hair, seriously!?!

I cannot unsee this, so I have to pass it on to all my lovely friends that read my blog.  If I had to see it, you do too.

Apparently, the newest thing is not only keeping your underarm/pit hair - but dying it in very bright colors.  I'm sitting here with a frown and disgusted look on my face as I browse pictures of women with brightly colored underarm hair.  To be fair (or not fair), most of these women appear to be the granola/hippie type and are likely looking to be "different" (by being the same... but no judgement here).

I cannot promise that my underarms are always shaved and smooth as a babies bottom - in the winter they can be covered up, and if I'm not actively dating and having a man see me nude on a regular basis I'm not always shaving (go ahead and judge me - but I'm not the only one!)

So, here you go...  Like I said, if I have to see it - you do as well.  I'm curious... guys, do you find this attractive?  Or... ladies (for my lesbian folks), do YOU find this attractive?

URGENTLY MISSING: The proper use of the English language and proper grammar

First off, as a disclaimer... I'm a real fan of writing and utilizing proper grammar.  I'm not a complete grammar nazi, but I do believe that the English language should be used properly and that basic grammar rules should be followed, regardless of what and where you are trying to get across. 

This brings me to the many messages I get from various online dating websites and apps.  As I believe dating is a numbers game (that so far I'm not winning at...), I am active on multiple websites and apps.  But across the board, I am shocked at the lack of basic usage of grammar and English language rules.  While I try to be forgiving as there are many reasons that a person may not write a perfectly crafted sentence - there comes a point where it's just so bad you cannot forgive. 

Nothing makes you look more uneducated than a short message that has to be read multiple times just

to understand what is the basic idea the person is trying to get across.  And don't even get me started on the use of acronyms and texting shorthand.  I understand why texting shorthand was developed (back in the day, many of us has the innovative and popular Motorola Razr that lacked the QWERTY keyboard that we all love these days), I do not understand why someone cannot take that extra 60 seconds of effort to spell out what they are trying to say.  Just a couple of minutes ago I got a message on okcupid that said, "Hi beautiful hru :)"  I actually had to think about it.... apparently "hru" means, "How are you?"  That's a new one for me.  

This all brings me to the real reason I'm taking time out tonight to write this blog posting.  Men, consider this a huge tip.  I can't be the only one, but  nothing turns me off like a poorly written message.  ESPECIALLY, when this message is the initial contact.  Remember that this message/email/text is serving as a first impression to someone you are obviously attracted to and would like to at least strike up a conversation.  Take a couple of minutes to really think about what you want to say and say it with these crazy things called sentences. 

I'm not going to penalize you if you don't have perfect grammar or misspell a word here and there.  I am going to penalize you if you casually forget spaces between your words (like,this,I'veactually...gotten an email,like this-in-thelast.few days).  I'm not going to write you back if you use more texting shorthand than actual "real" words.  And god forbid.... if I have to read over your message multiple times just to figure out what you are trying to say, I'm not going to writing you back right away, if at all.

Stepping off my soapbox now.  This is probably one of the reasons I'm still single - but I'm owning it :)  

And... now Lovehoney.com is my favorite website of all time!

So, this weekend I discovered the show "Frisky Business" about the UK's largest sex toy website.  I binged watched the entire season on Sunday. 

When you think of a sex toy website/show, I'm sure your mind goes automatically to some risque, dirty show.  But it's totally not!  The show and the website is geared towards women and errors on the side of ... dare I say it... classy.  Both the show and the website aim to make sex and sex toys accessible to the masses. They don't want you to be ashamed of wanting to do something different.

But... that all brings me to today.  Like I do every time, I tweet out a link to my newest blog posting and copied Lovehoney.com and hash-tagged the hell out of the tweet.

and this morning.... I got a retweet back from Jess, one of the "characters" on the show.  It might have made my day, my week, my year.  :)  Very impressed! 

Netflix find of the night: Frisky Business, inside a UK sex toy website

It's a Saturday night and I'm home alone (don't feel sorry for me, I'm actually pretty entertained)

So, tonight I turned on netflix and felt like finding something new and different.  And holy shit, did I find something new!  Turns out Netflix has a season of a show called Frisky Business.  Frisky Business is a docu-series about the UK's largest sex toy website called Lovehoney.com.  According to Love Honey's own website... 

Throughout the series, you'll see average days working in the sex toy industry and get to know the whole lovable and silly gang, doing our part to keep the world sexually happy. 'Frisky Business' is a frank, funny and friendly insight to the adult retail world and shows what makes working at Lovehoney extra special.

Immediately upon seeing the description of the show on Netflix you know I was hooked.  Not only do I have a keen interest in sex toys (umm, have you read any of this blog?!?), but I have a sick fascination with docu-series shows like this.  I like reality shows where we are let into someone else's world and get to see how they tick and what their influence (or lack there of) is on their world. 

Netflix has the entire first series streaming right now (watch it while you can - lately Netflix has been killing me with taking entire shows off - Law and Order... one of my go-to's disappeared within the last couple of months)  There are six hour-long episodes and I've completed one episode and about 3/4 through the second and I'm in love!

The show is awesome in that it takes an industry that people like to demonize and makes it perfectly normal.  For instance, they show the customer service people talking to customers about length of dildos or smoothness of a sex toy in a perfectly calm and normal voice - just like they were discussing TPS reports (bonus if you know that reference - and if you don't... you probably should be shot)

But, my favorite "characters" are those who work in the Returns department.  Yes, returns.  Apparently Lovehoney.com allows for returns of any of their products no questions asked.  Yes, returning sex toys....  something that if it doesn't have bodily fluids on or in it then it was not used correctly.  The babyboomer Grandmother type is the head of the returns department and reviews each return - usually with latex gloves on (do you blame her!?!).  I've only watched the first episode in completion, but so far my favorite story is her explaining to her coworkers the most recent return.  Through giggles, she reads the reason for return, "My son took and used my credit card without permission and bought a number of sex toys from your website.  He apparently did not think I would review my credit card statement, but he was wrong.  I made him to go his girlfriend's house and fetch the sex toys.  I request a full refund because he did not have permission to use my credit card." 

And now... episode two is focused on the hilarity of the Rabbit Amnesty program.  the website has offered to not only recycle (for real) your used rabbit but also make a donation in your name (and the poor rabbit's - may he rest in peace) into a worthy charity.  I wasn't focused on the charity, so I don't remember it and it wasn't one that I knew off hand - but it's England.  They get HUNDREDS of returned rabbits (and of course, you see the time lapse pictures of rabbit after rabbit after rabbit being thrown in a box).  They even filmed the Grandmother lady taking the boxes into the recycling plant. 

So, until further notice, I will be watching Frisky Business and of course will be completely upset when I run of out of episodes (only 6!!!).  In the meantime, feel free to browse the Lovehoney.com website and feel free as well to forward any toys my way (they have a special Christmas section!)

Someday soon you might be able to undo your Tinder mistakes

So.... I've been actively tindering.  I am swiping like a maniac.  More often left than right.  For those of you who aren't hip to the world of tinder, tinder is a dating app that I've mentioned on this blog before.  According to Wikipedia (my go-to... even with it's issues), Tinder is...

"a matchmaking mobile app^.  Using GPS technology, users can set a specific radius, and they will have the option to match with anyone that is within that distance.  Although the app has been a success, Tinder has been criticized extensively for its "appearance based match-making process", which many have labelled shallow, superficial and vain^"

The general perception of Tinder is that it is a hookup app.  It's all based on a couple of pictures and a very short profile paragraph.  Tinder is GPS enabled and matches you based geolocation of your desired matches.  Tinder does not match you based on hundreds of questions like some of the other dating websites (ahem... eharmony).  Instead, Tinder gives you three options: Distance (anywhere between 1 and 100 miles, your age preferences, and finally what sex you are looking for (male, female or both).  And it's all very superficial, but it doesn't claim to be anything else - and I'm totally ok with that!

All of that brings me roundabout to my real issues here!  Going through Tinder when you have a spare moment - waiting for the bus, waiting for a meeting to start, or swiping to keep you awake during said meeting.  All that swiping can lead to a bad case of "swipe too much"  and you can get going on a roll and accidentally swipe left when you meant right, or right when you meant left!  And there is absolutely no undo option or search option to find that person again.

In fact, if there a hot guy and you accidentally swipe left saying you aren't interested, that person is lost forever (or until the randomness of Tinder brings him up again when you hit that magic combination of having similar GPS location and you are actively swiping).  There is no way to search a user name or anything.  They are just.... gone.

MAYBE!!!

Turns out that Tinder is looking at developing a paid user tier (of course, it is a money making venture after all).  Tinder has told TechCrunch that they are looking into an upgraded service that would include an "undo" feature.  You would be able to revisit your swiping choices!  No more details are available, but it might be a useful feature for many of us who become too swipe happy and end up saying no when we really meant yes!

PSA: Leggings are NOT pants

The weather has changed (practically overnight!) and suddenly we have gone from sundresses and flip flops to boots and leggings.  I much prefer the cooler weather.  I love a good sweater.  And don't even get me started on my LOVE of wearing long sleeve shirts that at least partially cover my hands.  On that tangent, I don't know why I like it, but I love extra long sleeves that at least partially cover my hands.  Bonus points for the athletic gear that has those awesome thumb holes.

OK, back to the topic at hand.  Leggings.  Leggings are awesome.  They allow you to wear dresses all through the winter.  They are thicker (and warmer) than tights and don't snag and run when you even think about them snagging (Can you tell I have HORRIBLE luck with tights and nylons).  Leggings are great tucked into those so comfortable (and sexy) knee high boots.

BUT... this brings me to the topic at hand.  Leggings are NOT pants. Leggings should be utilized the way way that nylons or tights are utilized.  That does NOT mean that you can wear a crop top and leggings.  That does mean you can wear a dress or just get away with a long sweater.  Basically... think about covering your ass.  Leggings might appear to be opaque, but more often than not when stretched tight (as leggings are supposed to do), they appear a bit see through.  And really?  Do you want your Thursday day of the week underwear showing on a random Monday (you know you do it, just admit it!)

I found this handy guide on HuffPo, print it out... hang it in your closet.  Refer to it as necessary, but please... for all that is holy and good remember Leggings are NOT pants.  You do NOT want to be like one of those creatures of Walmart who is wearing pink leggings and look totally butt ass naked.

  

Wendy Ho and the Poop Noodle Song

Thanks to a new Tinder friend... I was turned "on" to this amazing song by Wendy Ho.  This lady is awesome, and it's a great follow-up to the last post on Sex Week at Harvard with their high class (and probably high priced) seminar called, "What What in the Butt"

And because this is definitely NSFW, here are the lyrics.  You can read really racy stuff... but when it comes out of your speakers, we know that shit can get you in a whole hell of a lot of trouble.

Poop Noodle Song
Please don’t fuck me in the ass tonight
That Popeye’s Fried Chicken ain’t sittin right
And please don’t try to stick it in all quick
Or you’ll end up with some shit on yo dick
Don’t try to sway me by puttin on that Aretha
Or you’ll end up with poop in yo urethra
I ain’t gonna do it because it hurts
I ain’t gonna do it, got the Hershey squirts!
Dingleberries all in yo balls
You want poop noodle?
I’m gonna give it to you!
Wo-oh wahow ohwoahwoahwaho!

You want some butt sex, you want up in it
But not tonight in my anus!
You want my pooper, you wanna pound it
But it feels like I’m gonna shit on yo dick!

Please don’t drive down my Hershey Highway
I just drank some Maalox now you actin gay
And please stop fingering my brown eyed butthole
Unless you wanna end up with a stanky tootsie roll
Our love used to be never ending, just like a story
I’m sorry but this ain’t no hole of glory!
I got a perfect pussy what more do you need?
You nasty muthafucka want my butthole to bleed!
Anal fissures and some corn on yo nuts
You want poop noodle?
Which is poop comin out yo peehole after you fuck a butt that has shit in it! Ah!

You want some butt sex, you want up in it
But not tonight in my anus!
You want my pooper, you wanna pound it
But it feels like I’m gonna shit on yo dick!

P-O-O-P N-O-O-D-L-E
What’s that spell, y’all?
P-O-O-P N-O-O-D-L-E
It’s more like what’s that smell, y’all?

You want some butt sex, you want up in it
But not tonight in my anus!
You want my pooper, you wanna pound it
But it feels like I’m gonna shit on yo dick, son.

"What, What.... In the Butt" Educational Seminar

As I'm sure you have seen/heard/witnessed in the last 24 hours, Harvard's annual "Sex Week" has become national headlines.  I wish I could blame it on a slow news day - but since it's election day, that's the furthest from the case.

So, annually Harvard University "hosts" a week of Sex Seminars.  This year one of them offered is "What What in the Butt."  Yes, you are reading that right, it's billed as Anal Sex 101.  The syllabus includes topics of anal anatomy, the potential for pleasure of both genders, how to have "the talk" about anal sex, basic preparation and hygiene, lubes, anal toys, safer sex, and anal penetration for beginners.

Personally, not a fan of anal sex.  No, that's not correct - I think it's horrible - but I do have to commend Harvard on covering the topic so completely!

And before you imagine an old man with a bad comb-over who wears an old corduroy suit jacket with patches at the elbows... know that it's not a Harvard professor teaching this course.  Instead, a local sex store appropriately named "Good Vibrations" will teach this one-time class.

 And if "What What in the Butt" doesn't flip your fancy, other seminars include, "Brown Girlz Do it Well: a Queer Diaspora Remix," "Fifty Shades of False: Kink, Fantasy, and Fetish" and "Losing Your (Concept of Virginity). 

I guess those students really are getting their monies worth in their Harvard education!

Drunk Mode for your phone

I don't know about you, but I've had those nights where you should NOT be using your phone.  You know what I mean.... those drunk dials or texts to old flames at 2 am are never a good idea.  I will admit, I made my fair share of these calls in my 20's.  Especially to one (very patient) guy, who I almost always happened to call when I was highly intoxicated and would just say over and over and over again, "I need you!"  Now, at the time I was in college and interning in DC and he was still back home in Michigan working as a legit lawyer.  And even more ironic, we had never hooked up or even gone on a date.... I had just decided he was the "one."  Yup, take a moment to laugh at my expense.  

Now, I'm older and arguably a little bit wiser (although I wouldn't take that to the bank) and I can say I've only done the drunk text a handful of times in the last few years.  And these days, it's not to hook up but more of a "why didn't we work out... I'm SO awesome... why don't you LOVE me"

But enough about me, and more about this amazing indiegogo campaign I came across this afternoon.  Drunk Mode is an App in Beta testing that provides the following features:

--> Find My Drunk: Utilizing GPS mode, the App can help you find that drunk friend who has wandered off

--> Breadcrumbs: The App will help "refresh" your memory as to where you were and at what time last night.  Super helpful if you discover that your Credit Card is missing and at some bar holding a tab.

--> Stop Drunk Dialing: Most helpful for those late night calls you just think you have to make, the App will stop you from Drunk Dialing. 

And the following features are still in development, to be funded by the indiegogo campaign

---> Find a Ride: The App helps you find where taxi's, Uber/Lyfts, drunk buses, safe rides and public transportation are in real time.  Drunk driving is BAD, BAD, BAD!

--> Recovery Mode: To help you restore all of the lost snapchats and where they were taken.

--> Night Time Enhancers: Real time location to find cheaper Happy Hours and Food Specials

--> The Hype Map: Find the best parties. 

GO, GO, GO to their indigogo page (https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/drunk-mode) and donate today to make the full app a reality.  You know you need it. 

Creativity lost... again

Seriously ... how many of these am I going to get?  I appreciate the compliment - both the first and second times.  But your emails are way too similar to be a coincidence. 

Try again.

Because men needed another excuse... Sex with lots of women is healthy!

Yes, you read that title correctly.  It IS true guys, according to a Montreal study having sex with several (more than 20!!!) women is associated with a 28% lower risk of being diagnosed with prostate cancer.

The "theory" is that men who ejaculate frequently are less likely to develop prostate cancer, and multiple partners means more ejaculation.   

But wait.... Before you go off running to your woman claiming that sleeping with lots of women is good for you, know that this is JUST a theory.  And on a strange note, the same isn't true for homosexual relationships.  Those men who report having more than 20 male partners had double the risk of prostate cancer.  Yeah, I don't get it either.

The study has now expanded to 4,000 men and they will do further analysis.  And sorry guys... those 4,000 spots have been filled.

The way for a 4 to become a solid 8 in 10 seconds flat

ok.... I don't know if it's just me, but I've seen it a million times over - ESPECIALLY in online dating. 

Lets just say you are an average to below average guy in looks.  (No judgement here, well... not name specific judgement).  There are two absolutely quick ways to raise you hotness score with very little effort.

1.  A HAT.   Usually error on the side of a baseball cap.  Very few guys who throw on a baseball cap lower their hotness quotient.  Instead it goes up significantly.  Don't ask me why, but it does.  And I'm not a bald hater, in fact... I love a good bald man.  There is something sexy about a guy not trying too hard and realizing when they start losing their hair, bald is the way to go.   But there is also something about a guy throwing on a ball cap - bonus points for that favorite warn in one with just the right shape.  Look at Aaron Paul below....  He man does NOT look bad without a hat, but put a hat on on him and damn.  Buzzfeed (as suspected) agrees with me and includes a whole list of 26 Pictures That Prove Hats Make Guys Look Insanely Hot


2.  SUNGLASSES. I love eyes, like... really love eyes.  A guy who has genuinely great eyes and can stare into my own might just win my ever dying love.  I promise my love isn't that easy to achieve (but pretty darn close).  But forget all that, put a good pair of sunglasses on a guy, hipster, sporty, hell anything but those damn softball squarish shaped Oakley's (you know what I'm talking about - they are not cute!)Think Tom Cruise (who is not so shabby normally, but put him in those Aviators in Top Gun and dayyyymmmmm).  And again, I'm not the only one here.  This time, it's Lucky Magazine declaring how sunglasses make even an attractive more attractive 


So what does this mean for me?  I need to remind myself when looking at online personals.  Do not make your judgement based on a picture with a hat and/or sunglasses - I might be VERY sorry I did.  Especially important on tinder when you are making a snap judgement - usually based on one picture.  Instead if the man has picked his pain picture to be one with a hat and/or sunglasses, I have to remind myself to look at the additional pictures before I made any snap judgements.... otherwise I will be very sorry!   Very, Very sorry!

and now.... I've seen it all.... Penis in shoes.

There exists a tumblr called....

Your Dick Looks Great in Those Shoes

And it's seriously a series of pictures of penis' in high heel shoes.  Seriously, it's a penis... in a shoe.

Obviously, not safe for work, and I don't even feel comfortable copying a picture here.  But I just thought you should all know that I've now officially seen it all. 

Security Questions for Childless Single People

I have a ton of stuff to do, which inevitably means I'm going to just sucked into an endless stream of random shit on the internet.  It can happen quickly and before you know it.  You get sucked into some random buzzfeed list that links to you another, to another, to another... and before you know it two hours has passed.  Or someone links a half way interesting article on facebook that you click on and read and then find yourself in an seemingly endless stream of pointless articles, but you just cannot stop. 

Yup, that just happened to me.... And I found a list of Security Questions for Single People.... and something just clicked.

Every site you sign into these days usually has two factor authentication (big words!), where you have to have a password and answer from silly question or series of questions.  But have you ever noticed that well over half of these questions revolve around spouses, children, or similar things.  I often find myself scrolling through the list of the questions just to find one that I would have an answer for.  Thanks again... for the reminder that I'm alone random website.

Anyway, in my random interneting this afternoon I ran across a list of Security Questions for Single, Childless people on McSweeney's (which I have no idea what the site is... but the list is awesome).

So... here you go, a list of security questions appropriate for us single, childless people!

1.  Out of all of your friends’ children, what is first name of the one you find most annoying?

2. What is the make and model of the car you were driving when you realized you don’t actually like to share with anyone?

3. What is the name of the sports team whose statistics you think about whenever talk turns to finding a good preschool?

4. What is the middle name of the ex-boy/girlfriend whose profile photo you look at from time to time so as to comfort yourself that you made the right choice in ending that relationship?

5. When you make a Top 10 list of the places you got to travel to because you didn’t get married and have kids, what ranking is Paris?

6. What is the age your mother cites when saying, “I thought that by the time you turned ____ you’d be married”?

7. What was the name of the street of the Starbucks where you met the blind date who made you resolve, “Nope, that’s it, no more blind dates”?

8. What is the name of the town you got the hell out of when you graduated from high school?

9. What is the color of the fur of the cat who will be the first one to start chewing on your leg after you die alone at home and leave all of your pets without any food or water for days?

10. What is the ratio of the amount of times you have casual sex in the last year compared to the amount of times your married best friend assumes you’ve had casual sex?

11. In one word, sum up your most depressing New Year’s Eve. (Examples: “Measles.” “Robocop.”)
When taking a road trip on your own, what is the first name of the celebrity who you pretend is in the passenger seat with you?

12. Should you decide that you do want a child, what is the name of your friend or friend’s partner whom you would choose to father/carry that child, in a Big Chill-like scenario?

13. What is the title of the song that was playing when you realized that your family’s genetic line was going to end with you and your siblings?

Art..... or butt plug?

Sketchy message from Sketchy people. What could possibly be next?!?

Today I got a notification email telling me that I had a new message on okcupid.  Now, these notices used to make my heart skip a beat and get really excited...

NO MORE!

 Sometimes I get the strangest emails.  Just today alone, I got the following:

1.  Mr. L (names are changed to protect the innocent... although I'm not 100% sure these guys are actually INNOCENT!)
--> Mr. L's basic stats look good.  Nothing too outstanding, but ok nonetheless.  He even has stated that he's a non-smoker - which is a huge deal for me.  I can't date a smoker, no ifs ands or butts (pun intended, I guess).  The smell is smoke is gross and just seems to permeate everything - god forbid my hair is down that day.  I need multiple washes to get the smell of smoke out of my hair -- and my hair is thick and curly and seems to just absorb the smell more than most!  So anyway, this guy "claims" to not smoke in his basic information - BUT the main profile picture is him with a cigarette hanging out of his mouth.... DELETE, on to the next...

2. Mr. MIA/Cougar Hunter
--> The time is 1:35 pm.  In quick succession I get two emails (one at 1:35 and a second at 1:36).  Nice enough emails and I can forgive two emails in quick succession.  Because I was busy, I looked at the email(s) really quickly and moved on.  The first email asked if I was interested in a younger man.  Younger, I can live with that.  But he was 18 (EIGHTEEN), that makes his barely legal, and nearly half my age, tonight I went back to the account to be nice and say thanks but no thanks, and guess whose profile magically no longer exists.  Yup, Mr. MIA.  Cheater much?..... DELETE, on to the next...

3.  Crazy Cat MAN
-Email #3 came a little later and wasn't exactly looking promising (24, not geographically desirable, and low match percentage (50%), and while I question the okcupid's match percentage calculator - I don't totally ignore it.  But oh god, the pictures.... Picture #1 is of the Crazy Cat man with a freaky looking hairless cat on his shoulder  - a hairless cat, they look like giant rats!!; Picture #2 was him "juggling" a hammer in front of a bounce house (it's like one of those Highlights "how many things can you find wrong with this picture); Picture #3 is a huge picture of his hookah stating how how much he LOVES hookah.  .... DELETE.

Maybe tomorrow's emails will be better?!?

Be happy and stay happy in marriage and/or relationships

It's important to be happy - and yet, most of the crap I put on this website isn't based in trying to help people become (and stay) happy.  But why not?  Today, I found this list of 7 things that people who maintain a happy marriage do.  Now, I don't think this list has to be just for MARRIED folks, but can really relate to all relationships. 

As always, the list I found on The Stir is in regular print with my thoughts/observations/obnoxious comments in italic. 

1) Have inside jokes and rituals
 Nothing is better than having inside jokes with the one(s) you love.  Being able to share a knowing phrase, word or even roll of the eyes just connects the two of you and keeps the world out. 

2) Check in with each other during the day
Nothing is better than that beep or vibrate of a text coming through on your phone, especially when your tension is at an all time high.  Then you glance down and see the familiar name and you cant help but smile.  It doesn't take much, just a simple "Hi, I'm thinking about you." or "Good Morning, good luck on that presentation."  Just a short message just reminds your love that you are thinking about them.  

3) Say "thank you"
Two simple words.... Thank and You.  Use them aggressively and often.  If someone takes the time and effort to do things ... even if they don't expect it, a thank you is very much appreciated.

4) Let things go
 Most arguments really mean very little.  They seem like huge deals at the time, but in the grand scheme of things, what does it really mean if someone leaves their socks on the floor, the toilet seat up, or the toilet paper going the wrong way (not sure why all three of those things revolved around the bathroom....).  More often than not the argument isn't worth it at all. 

5) Bring things up (voice your concerns)
 Easy.  Communication.  No relationship (of any kind) can exist at a deeper level without honest and open communication.  Something bothering you?  Bring it up, not during times of stress - but instead in times of calm where you can just discuss something that is bothering you.  If you don't, those thoughts just pile up in your head until you literally explode in a horrible argument (see #4 again!)

6) Volunteer together
Good people do good things.  Doing good things together and you have something to talk about and feel good about each other!

7) Be humbled, can't be "cool" all the time

Very much like #5

Boobs are hazardous to your health...

File this under brilliant, even if it probably wasn't the best idea.  A Russian advertising agency that sells mobile advertising placed on trucks (think traveling billboards), came up with a brilliant idea to advertise their services.  Unfortunately, there was a bit of a negative effect.

Here is the billboard...

Did you give it a second look?  A third?  Probably stared at a little bit.  Well, you aren't alone! 

In the FIRST day that the traveling billboard was on display on 30 trucks around Moscow, it caused over 517 traffic accidents.  FIVE HUNDRED.

The text (which I'm sure very few people actually noticed) says, "They Attract"  

The Advertising Agency, "Sarafan Advertising Agency" said, "We wanted to draw attention to this new format with this campaign."  Well, attention it did attract!  The Agency has offered to compensate and cover any damaged caused to personal vehicles that are aren't covered by insurance.

And again, we learn... Sex sells.

It's not just me! There is an epidemic of men posing with tigers.

So... the other day I posted my complaint about all the pictures that men post with freaking tigers on online dating profiles....

Well, I'm not the only one who has noticed that. 

I share with you... 

http://tinderguyswithtigers.tumblr.com/

Can we please give the phone a break.... at least while you are having sex.

Today, The Frisky posted a series of pictures that were posted on Whisper - a site where people can post their deepest darkest secrets anonymously.  That's fun and all, but The Frisky pulled a series of secrets about people answering or being on their phones while doing the dirty.   

First, is nothing sacred anymore?  Not the secrets (those are entertaining to read for me at least)... BUT seriously people, why the hell are you answering your phone or playing on it during a sex act?  Can't you disconnect for an hour (or 30 seconds with many guys...)? 

Anyway, enjoy the secrets.  Judge away.  They are anonymous so it doesn't matter anway.

Pickup lines you could ONLY use online

We all know online dating is a whole different world with different rules, customs and everything.  Hell, it is like a whole different country.  So when I found this list of Pickup lines you can only use online on BuzzFeed (probably one of my top 5 favorite sites!), I figured I should share and give you my obnoxious opinion of each!

1.  "I'm a freak between the spreadsheets."
Seriously, this one could work only if you are a financial analyst, an accountant or the similar.  But a freak between the spreadsheets... I don't know, the world "spread" also strikes me as a wee bit off.  But that's me - and right now I'm slightly intoxicated.

2. "Want to check out my website? It's howaboutyou dot com-back-to-my-place."
OK, first off... I'm under the huge assumption that you are joking and this isn't a real website....  But god forbid, you never know!  That could could be their website.  Hell, look at my blog.  Although, that might backfire, because the way I write on here is bit of an exaggerated view of myself.

3.  "Do you have hotmail?.... Want one?"
First off, if someone asks you if you have a hotmail account, you know they aren't one of those crazy millennials - How long has it been since hot mail has been a real option.  Hell, most of those kids would have NO idea what you were talking about anyway.

4. "I don't want to B , but how about we meet IRL?"
oh shit, now I'm not only showing my age but my complete lack of technical progress.  I have no idea what this means.... but Im sure it's funny :)

5.  "You must be my Netflix app, because I want to stay up aaaaallll night watching you."
I don't know... this one is kind of creepy, no one wants some creepily watching you sleep all night.  But that's just me

6.  "Meeting you was F8"
Again, I'm showing my freaking age, I assume "F8" is shorthand for fate - but is it really worth skipping just TWO letters.  While I'm sure fate has something to do with love, it sure hasn't helped e yet!

7.  I'd like to watch you CAPS LOCK AND DROP IT"
No complaints here, I actually kind of like this one.

8. "You auto-complete me."
Again, as someone who has a love-hate affair is autocomplete, I kind of like this one too.  Yes.... It's corny, but it's kind of cute.

9. "Is your name Candy Crush? Because I'm completely addicted to you."
ugh, seriously?!?

What does that sock mean??

I just came across this list on funnyordie and thought it was funny (I guess that's better than dying... as the site seems to imply that it has to be funny or you die... ok - bad joke, but I tried)

I never put a sock on my door handle in college to indicate I was doing the nasty.  Hell, I will fully admit that I was completely celibate during college (but that's another story, and the celibacy was not my choice... it just happened that way.) 

So, for those lucky enough to be having sex in a place where someone else could enter, roommates, parents, etc (you never know).  Use this handy guide for what each style of sock means.


Signal: Ratty sock
Translation: “I’m having terrible sex.”

Signal: Sock with a hole in it
Translation: “I’m having sex and the condom broke.”

Signal: Inside-out sock
Translation: “I’m masturbating.”

Signal: Two inside-out socks
Translation: “I’m masturbating. Join me.”

Signal: Argyle sock
Translation: “I’m having sex with someone who speaks in a Cockney accent, but they’re really hot, so I put up with it.”

Signal: Hanging gym sock
Translation: “I’m having sex with the Red Hot Chili Peppers.”

Signal: Striped sock
Translation: “I’m having sex with a biracial partner and/or zebra.”

Signal: Sock with monocle attached
Translation: “I’m having classy sex on top of leather-bound books.”

Signal: Muppets sock
Translation: “I’m having sex while thinking of wholesome puppets from my childhood to keep from ejaculating too quickly.”

Signal: Sock with a lump of coal in it
Translation: “I’ve been a bad lover this year.”

Thats so cliche... pictures on personals

I think I’ve mentioned it here before, but I’m back dating and back to searching online through hundreds of online personals.  In an earlier post, I wrote (complained) about the first cliche picture.  But I figured I might as well write another post categorizing all of the pictures of men I see online dating.  It’s pretty funny how much most of the pictures fall into these 10 general categories like there is a to do list.

1.     

   The TIGER/ANIMAL picture

Here I mentioned how a disproportionate amount of men have a picture with a tiger.   But I’m going to expand on it here.  Think all kinds of exotic animals.  Yes, you are manly and I see you can travel and get to see exotic places – but the picture just seems so cliché.  While not one of the worst, the tiger/animal picture is a little nuts. 

  

 Car pic

Yup, That’s him next to a car.  Good for him, he’s got a fancy dude car.  But I hate to burst his bubble, there aren’t many girls that are super impressed by a guy’s car.  A lot of us prefer you have a nice(r) car, but many (or most) don’t give two shits how much power is under your hood.  In fact…  sometimes your car has the OPPOSITE effect.  Boys, sometimes we see your cars as something you are using to compensate for something missing in your life, if you catch my drift.

3Girl cut out pic

One of my favorites…. You have obviously cropped out or even worse, just scribbled out another woman in your picture.  It might be your mom, it might be your sister or a friend, but we can only assume that it was your ex.  Do you really not have any other pictures where it’s just you?  Because guys, we don’t want to know what your ex looked like.  We will be constantly comparing ourselves to her and obsessively thinking about if we are better (or maybe that’s just me, but I can’t be the only one!  I’m thinking, next time you are with someone… anyone, just ask them nicely if they can take a quick picture with your cell phone, that picture will be 100 times better than one where you cut some bitch out 

  Bathroom selfie

We’ve all seen them and most of us have done it (you know you have).  The dreaded bathroom selfie.  I understand, the mirror is in there and in the bathroom you are often feeling your best, after you’ve showered, for the girls… after we’ve gotten our hair and makeup all perfect.  Hell, I know a lot of guys who are happiest after they’ve dropped a deuce (yes, I just went there).  While not the worst of the cliché photos, when you are going for the bathroom selfie try to make sure that the mirror is clean, that the toilet isn’t obvious and keep watch of what kind of strange grooming things are visible. 

5.       Gym selfie

I’m glad you work out.  I’m really happy that you go to the gym and take care of your body.  But there is something so cliché about the picture of you… standing in the mirror flexing your muscles.  Maybe it’s just me, but when I make it to the gym (which admittedly isn’t all that often these days), I want to get my workout in and get the hell out.  I’m not concentrating on the perfect angle that makes my pecs look good (and yes… I know girls don’t have pecs)

6.       Travel pic

First off, let me admit that I’m not a huge traveler, so your fancy travel pictures aren’t going to impress me.  It just seems that everyone visits the same big locales… you see the same background over and over.  Then again…. Maybe I just don’t know about some fancy photo place that has a green screen where you can photoshop yourself into all the known travel hotspots.  But… you do get SERIOUS negative points for doing the stupid hand gestures or body positions.  You know EXACTLY what I’m talking about.  Trying to “push” up the leaning tower of Pisa or pretending the Washington Monument is a monster dick.

7.       INSIDE car pic

I can’t say too much about this picture – because I’m guilty of it too.  But it’s definitely one of those cliché pictures.  What is it that motivates us to take a picture of us while we are behind the wheel?  (God forbid you aren’t driving – but sometimes I’m not sure that’s the case!!) 

8.       Running/Tough Mudder race

These days running is THE thing.  I don’t know when it happens, but at some point in aging everyone decides they want to run, and run they do.  Either in some race where they run through the mud, run for some charity or run through some crazy colored “smoke.”  Again, like the gym selfie, I’m glad you work out…

9.       The Group picture

You know the picture.  It’s him and a bunch of his “dudes.”  When you first see it, you have a sharp intake of breath and your heart skips a beat.  Wow, that guy is H-O-T, HOT…. And then you look at his second picture.  Oh shit, he’s the UGLY friend (or just not so good looking one).  Part of you considers messaging him and asking him if his hot friend is single, but that’s just bitchy.  But you know you think about it.