In preparation for a husband, I have two giant dogs.

I never knew that having two giant dogs (and a medium sized one as well) would be such great preparation for a husband)... Or that is what people tell me.  My 100 pound plus dogs regularly do the following to me (which so far I've heard is great preparation, or in my case, replacement for a husband or live in boyfriend)

1.  The dogs are major bed hogs.  Very rarely do I make it through the night in the same position on the bed that I started in.  I wish this was because I do a lot of moving in my sleep - rather I am quite the opposite, I sleep very still.  Instead, the dogs are constantly crowding me and I end up in the corner of my bed.  Lately, I have been sleeping against my headboard the wrong way on my bed just to avoid the pushing (thank god I'm a small person!) 

2.  The smell that is released from the rear ends of these canines is clearly a biological weapon.  We should bottle it up and use it against our enemies.  No one could possibly fight or concentrate when confronted with the noxious fumes that come from a 100 lb dogs ass.  I wish I could say that diet was to blame, but changes in food (multiple) and supplements don't help.  These dogs are just like men, they fart - and it's bad, very bad.  And what's worse is most are the silent but deadly type.  If I fail to report for multiple days, be aware I might have been gassed out by too many sleepy time farts.

3.  One would imagine that lazy dogs would not make messes - one would be highly wrong.  Like from what I hear about men... (and me, I'm admittedly a horrible housekeeper).  Large dogs like to carry toys around and frequently like to rearrange pillows and couch cushions.  I'm not sure I've ever come home to all the couch cushions on the couch where they belong.  Also, they like to track dirt in on their feet.  They are humanly (or I guess caninly) incapable of wiping their feet before they come into the house - leaving a dirt trail from the door to their favorite spots in the house. 

4.  They are always hungry, and not afraid to tell you.  Dogs, like men, could eat all day and all night if you gave them the chance - and their food is not cheap.  And basically, they can't feed themselves, so you have to wait on them hand and foot (sound familiar?!?)

5.  Basically you have to do everything for them, because they are helpless.  But  they always want one thing - love and affection, even if you are busy fulfilling their other needs.  And they aren't afraid to beg for what they want and demand that you do it.

ADDENDUM

6. They snore!  Ahh, yes. They snore louder than should be possible.  I often mistake their snores for another human, which is rather scary since I'm the only one who lives in my house.  And when you have to actually turn up the television to hear it over the snores of dogs - you might have a problem, multiply that by two and it can get in the dangerous territory.  Is it any wonder many of my dreams involve a man sleeping next to me?  I hear snoring in my sleep every night.