Oh no! Gasp! NAKED Barbies!

Oh yeah, that's right, NAKED Barbies.  Except this time, it's not because your kid brother was "exploring" the bumps on Barbies chest by taking off her clothes.  Instead, this time it's because students - Breno Cosa and Guiherme Souza of the Brother Ad School in Buenos Aires have taken pictures and made a Naked Barbie Calendar! 

Now believe it or not... Mattel, creator of the Barbie is all up in arms - they don't like their precious Barbie presented as a sex symbol and shown all naked and such.  Umm, really?  And why is this such a controversy.  I think it's pretty funny.  It's not like the Barbie is really all that hot - her body is less than a foot tall, made of plastic, her boobs are just bumps of plastic, and she's got no real holes in her - she's not even a good blow up doll substitute. Although, I have to admit, some of the pictures are kind of hot :)  You can see all the calender pictures here -->  http://www.trendhunter.com/trends/matchbox-barbie-calendar

The authors/artists/creative directors/whatever you want to call them say...

Artists Costa and Souza claim the calender is a comment on how sex is used to sell everything in society. But Matell's European spokeswoman Dr Stephanie Wegener said: "We have nothing to do with these pictures. "We don't want Barbie portrayed in this way, especially with our logo. We will be taking legal action against the creators.

Those Non - Negotiables...Just say no.

As we get older (yeah, I know that sounds so cliche!), we start to learn who we are and what we do and don't want in a relationship.  But most importantly I think we develop (or we SHOULD) develop a list of "non-negotiables."  You know those things that you will not bend on in a relationship. 

I heard them talking about this on the radio the other day - your list shouldn't be too lengthy.  Otherwise you are obviously setting yourself up for failure.  If you won't bend on a huge number of things it's going to be very difficult to find a man who fits your ideals.  You can't have this list of MUST haves that is pages and pages long.  Not only are  you setting up yourself for failure, you are setting an unrealistic expectation for men.  And if I was a man I would say far, far, far away from you.  I can't imagine a man with a list of expectations for me a mile long, I would constantly feel like I was being judged and could never relax, and never relaxing in a relationship is like always being on a first date and that sounds absolutely miserable. 

On the opposite side, you don't want to have no "non-negotiables" or a really short list, because you could and can end up with just anyone.  You have to be strong about what you don't want!  If you accept anything, you will get anything!  And anything literally means anything, and in this day and age, anything is quite a lot.  The shit that is out there is pretty damn scary! 

Once you have these non-negotiables you really have to stick to your guns.  Don't compromise!  You made these decisions for a reason (and while you were single!).  Don't make exceptions to the rule just because he's cute or because he is so great in another area.  More than likely that bad trait will come back to bite you in the ass later (speaks from a girl with personal experience!)  So stick to your guns, if he has one of  your non-negotiables, keep going!  Don't even get involved - in fact politely tell him you aren't interested and run away.

Here are some ideas of non-negotiables.  Some are mine, some are ones I've just thought about, and some are those of my friends.
1.  Smoker
2.  Drinker/Alocholic
3.  Drug User
4. Uneducated
5. Unemployed
6. Children - doesn't want them
7. Children - has them
8. Divorced
9. Currently in a relationship/Married/etc (not all that funny - guys who are n a relationship are always asking single (and married!) women out)
10. Too Short/Too Tall/Too fat/Too Skinny

New Tagline.

I was watching one of my favorite shows last night. In fact, I've been watching it a lot lately.  I have a bit of an obsession with Netflix Steaming, which I can do through my Wii.  And honestly, thank god my Wii is being used for something - the original purpose - Wii Fit has kind of fallen by the way side, and I never really got into gaming.  I loved the old school gaming - you know Mario where you couldn't go backwards, that kind of stuff.  I'm a simple girl, I don't like things too complex. 

Anyway.  For the past couple of weeks I've been watching Law and Order: Special Victims Unit (SVU) on Netflix Steaming.  Last night in one of the many episodes I watched (I often watch when I'm doing other things - working, doing homework, knitting -yes I know, I am old fashioned!) Detective Fin Tutuola said the most awesome thing after explaining to the other detectives what being on the "down low" in the black community is ... 

Don't look at me, I just know stuff.

Yes, it's perfect, yes. perfect for this blog, and perfect for me.  I shall modify it just a bit - for dramatic effect and for me.  So check in the title block of the block for my new tagline - I think you will enjoy it.  

Stuff we just don't want to hear anymore....

Not too long ago I found an article of phrases that one should never utter to a single person (Phrases never to say to a single person) And warned all of you of the consequences of such an action.  If you said any one of those tings and are now single, I apologize - but don't say I didn't warn you!

Now, about you - men?  Are there phrases that would be absolutely avoided when talking to a person of the fairer gender.  Are there phrases that are going to make that that girl run for the hills (and away from you).  Maybe make you feel like you should take up residence far from any civilization.  I saw on yahoo news that the unibomer - Ted Kaczynski 's former property is for sale in Montana.  You scare the pussy off that much - you might want to consider something like that.

So what shouldn't you say?  According to http://www.lemondrop.com/ there are the 5Tired Boy Moves We'd Like to See Laid to Rest

1.  "My Life is just really complicated right now."  Of course this gem is usually followed up by a good bye speech.  Of course we don't want to hear this - or any other excuses.  If you want to break up just tell us the truth - maybe that you just aren't into us anymore - that might be difficult but it's an easier pill to swallow from our end.  Tell us that your life is too complicated and us "fix it" girls (maybe like myself) will start trying to fix the complicated parts and your plan just backfired... Hummm, now what you gonna do?  Be honest, be truthful, and then you have nothing to worry about. 

2.  "You're upset by this?  Well maybe we shouldn't date if I upset you so much."  Hey conflict pussy... Seriously, guys who are are afraid of any type of argument, drama or conflict are not gonna last.  If a guy can't handle a little give and take once in awhile - how the hell is he going to handle the BIG problems in life, and we all know there are going to be ones - you know babies, marriage, death (the biggies and not necessarily in that order).  And other things that are not cake walks.  Is he going to shy away from anything that causes emotional pain.  If so, he's not going to last.  If he can't handle a little conflict, he can't handle a little anyone. 

3.  "Yeah, I just ran into Joanna.  You remember her, my ex?  She wants to have Dinner tomorrow, so I'll do that while you're in class, I guess."  What is it about guys... do they want us to get jealous so they can get angry at us for being jealous?  Or do they just not get it.  Sometimes I really think it's the latter.  While deep down they get that the new girl is jealous of the ex girl, they don't really consciously think about it when they go meet the ex girl for drinks, etc.  But then they'll still get mad when new girl gets upset -- even if nothing happened.  You know why guys - because the ex girl basically only asked you out for one reason and one reason only - because she wanted you back.  and You, as the man are the deciding factor - it's old vs. new.  Make up your mind and live with the consequences and if you are even thinking about cheating - don't!.

4.  "Maybe I'm just not out cut to be with someone.  It just seems like I end up hurting people..."Player or Bastard Phrase 101.  What's the best way to get rid of someone and let them down easy?  Blame yourself.  Blame his eotional well being and that you are "not ready"  THe guy was obviously trying to use you and get it over with as soon as possible. 

5.  "Oh yeah, I ended up getting a girl's number last night at the bar.  Why, does that bother you." 
Seriously dude?  Are you trying to impress me or that girl's number you got?  If I'm dating you the last thing I want to know is that you are out hitting on other women.  If other women are slipping you numbers - fine, don't tell me, and damn it - don't call them!  You are supposed to be with me.  Stay with me, be attentive!  After we break up - knock you self out with all the numbers in the world.  Tell me the statement above and you'll be needing all those numbers.
  

Cyber Sex... The "new" sex

Ahh, the kids these days - always inventing new ways to get their rocks off.  Since the internet was "invented" (by Al Gore of course) it's been chock full of porn.  They say the first internet was just a way for scientists to share information - yeah, I know better - even scientists have sex drives - they were sharing dirty pictures too!  And since there were early chat rooms there was a way to talk dirty.  I can tell you - as an elementary/middle school kid we had dial up Prodigy, and you paid by the service.  Ohhh, I got in some major trouble when that first bill came because I was just talking to random people.  Imagine what kids (and adults!) of sexual age did!  And now, we have to advent of the web cam - all hell has broken lose.  You can video anything and everything across the net - and people do.

So, what am I getting to?  Cyber sex.  Is it really sex?  All I know is that it sure leaves a whole lot to be desired when it comes to this girl!  I get the point of people in long term relationships - when that's all you can do.  When you can't see each other and your only choice is that. 

But, just to have "fun" but stroking off in front of a camera?  Yeah, I don't get that...  Do you know what's missing?  Yeah, just about everything that's good with sex - the touching, the feeling, the kissing... do I need to go on?  Yeah, I'll do some dirty talk online, but that's all about foreplay, you know build up to when we can do it in person.  I don't want to build up to when we can do it online.  That's just a let down.  Where's the touching, the feeling, the heat?  Yeah, you guys that want your cyber sex? You are probably just cheating on your significant others and just want to stay "safe". . . well, don't let me be your fake lover.  I want a real one.

The "Do NOT eat list for men who want BJ's"

So we shall revisit one of my favorite post topics today - the blow job (apparently I have mentioned the blow job in 9 separate posts: The "bad girls" burden, Obsessive women worries. You know men don't care about them... , The power of the blowjob, It's Monday, Time for a Big one, Online dating site for . . . . VIRGINS, Sex: One Sad Girls' History, or one girl's sad history. Using Dating as a "cure" for being poor, I want a new drug   and A Record Day.  Believe it or not, I actually thought it would be more! 

So, here we go again.  But this time, I'm going to give you guys (and girls to tell your guys) some real hints.  This one comes from thegloss.com - but i will tell you from life experiences - they are on the money.  There are definite food items men should avoid if they don't want their spunk to be junk.  If an they want you to be licking and sucking down there - their spunk better not be over ripe if you know what I mean.  There is nothing worse than giving a man head and having his "happy ending" be very very unhappy for you. 

So take heed, and take advice of me and thegloss.com.  Avoid these foods, especially if you are going to go down anytime soon.

#1. ASPARAGUS.  First let me tell you about my feelings about the asparagus.  It just LOOKS like little penis.  The shaft with the little head, and how about the white asparagus, yeah.  I just can't even look at the stuff without thinking about it.  Let alone eating it - besides the fact that I just think it tastes gross.  But you aren't here to read about my inner thoughts and tastes of asparagus.  Have you ever had the stuff and smelled your urine the next day?  Yes?  Now think - if it does that to your urine think about what it does to your OTHER bodily fluid... Yes.  It's not good.  Not good at all.  Please avoid. 

#2. GARLIC.  Offender #2 is very pungent, especially in it's raw form.  Garlic going in smells very different going in than going out.  Coming out, it's just not good - Personally, I can tell from feet away if someone engages in a lot of garlic eating, or if they take garlic pills for a heart condition.  And I honestly cannot stay in their presence very long, that pungent garlic spell huts me like a ton of pricks.  I get a headache and have to excuse myself.  I haven't given a bj to a real overly ambitious garlic lover, but I imagine the even is quite unforgettable.   

#3 CABBAGE (and it's family members):   Brussel Sprouts - "little cabbages" - but also, broccoli and other granaries are what are considered bitter on the taste buds on the tongue.  Note, they are bitter after your body processes them too and they come out in ejaculatory fluids as well.  Yeah, bitter in, bitter out.  So, yes... these things are good for you.  Great even.  They have awesome cancer fighting abilities.  But what good is fighting off cancer is you aren't getting bj's guys?  I will leave you  to decide...  We are waiting.  And no, putting butter and cheese on the Brussels sprouts may cover the bitter taste going in YOUR way, but it won't cover the bitter taste coming in OUR way. 

#4 ALCOHOL.  Yes, Alcohol.  I know, sad but true.  Alcohol and coffee (yes, another sad fact) make cum taste bad.  Both of these substances aren't good for the body and such, according to research, make for nasty cum.  The only bright spot is that when drinking both man and woman can drink and inhibitions (and taste buds) are dulled - therefore nasty spunk isn't noticed as much.  So word to the wise, if you are going to drink - drink enough that you are pleasantly over the edge of tasting.  That way the woman can get over the nastiness of the cum you have produced due to your alochol intake.  And with coffee, yeah... guess most of us are such screwed.  Don't drink coffee?  That's the only advice I got for you - it might not be good advice - but that's all I got - so you can only opt to take it. 

#5 PROTEIN.  Yes, I know.  Cum is already high in protein.  Those skinny ass girls watching their calories probably have refused to swallow your cum before because they were afraid it was going to make them fat (hey, I've heard stories - skinny bitches aren't worth their weight!).  But add more protein to a source of already high protein and it just gets kind of nasty.  Yeah. It's like a double negative in English - while in casual speech is sounds ok - but when you are really going for the real business it's just not kosher.  And when you are really going to town - it's not very good to be turned off by what he spits out. 

Are there other things that lead to bad cum that you don't eat?  Yup - smoking, recreational drugs, no exercises, not bathing (you smell down there and I'm not going!), and dehydration.  Otherwise, follow these recommendations actually before the do not eat list.  You can actually eat the stuff first more often than doing these things!

So what should you do?  Eat/Drink juice, fruit, lots of water, tea, spices like Cinnamon and peppermint.  I will tell you I've heard from urban lore that the men with the best tasting cum are the vegans and vegetarians.  Now I can't verify that myself, because I don't trust anyone who doesn't eat mean - seems un American - but according to this list it makes perfect sense!

What do men notice first? Boobs? Ass? No, those luscious lips!

First... get your mind out of the gutter - not THOSE lips.  Wait, maybe it's just MY mind in the gutter - but that's pretty normal - isn't it! 

According to scientists at Manchester University in the United Kingdom - when looking at a women's face, men are attracted to a woman's lips - especially if they are wearing red lipstick.  Using some kind of fancy eye-tracking software - the scientists found that in the 10 seconds after meeting a woman for the first time the average man spends more than half the time looking at her mouth.  (maybe imagining the possibilities?)

The study also shows that whether women have thin or thick lips still fall short in comparison to those who wear lipstick.  (Note to self, I might want to start wearing that lipstick I keep buying and meaning to wear!)

So note to the women out there.  Apparently nude lips with just chap stick, while easy for us - isn't the best way to meet a guy.  Go for some color - apparently red is the way to go.  But I would have to assume that a color that looks good on you is much more attractive than a red that is unattractive.  And also, go for the gloss... Anything shiny is going to attract a man, but take off some of the stickiness before you go in for the kiss - nothing is worse to a guy than getting all that yuck on their lips.