Dating Frustrations

Most things in life you can work hard for and achieve what you want.  Dating is definately not that way.  In fact, I tend to think it might be completely the opposite - the harder you work, the worse it gets!

Lately, as I've said before, I've put my dating in high gear.  For the first time in a long time I feel like everything in my life is actually in control and stable.  Everything I've wanted to achieve, I've gotten. (at this point of course - if I've really achieved all my goals at 29 I have a much bigger problem!)  But the only thing that really remains is to find that "special person" to share my life with. 

But, on this "quest" of sorts - I've really failed.  And that is even more frustrating.  How can one be a failure at dating but achieve everything else?

Responses to Personals ads and Postings.

Here is a Public Service Announcement (PSA) to all those who respond to any personals ads or CL Postings. 

Do not, and I repeat, DO NOT send a generic response if you ever want the person to ever return your email/message/etc. 

You ask, what is a generic response.  For instance, say I posted a simple post on Craig's List right now for someone to just chat this evening, and the first response was from a guy who told me that my ad was very interesting and caught his interest. And you can just tell it's a copy and paste job - he obviously has the canned response on file for any "ad" he finds even responsibly interesting and sends it off in hope that some woman will bite.

Often I will call them out on it.  Tell them that their canned email was retarded and isn't going to get them anywhere.  But not tonight, I have no energy for laziness.

So what's my advice for sending a message or responding to a posting.  Pick up on something small.  If someones personals ad has an interesting little tidbit of information that strikes you, send them something a comment on that.  Now, I would never spend a lot of time writing a long drawn out response.  While I give this advice, if the other person doesn't find your profile interesting (on a dating website) they aren't going to write back.  Now if you are working something like Craig's List and you write a witty comment based on their post, it always helps! 

So, go with the witty comment based on what they said, but don't go into too much detail (save that for when you actually have them hooked in - and can't lose them based on something so little).  Don't use the same canned response - that's definitely not gonna get you anywhere. 

Hey Bitch, Take Care of your man.

I hate cheating.  I think it's wrong.  I do not condone cheating at all.  With that said, sometimes I'm embarrassed to be a woman.  I say that because a lot of men cheat because their woman isn't taking care of them at home. 

I've heard it time and time again.  After being in a relationship/marriage/etc for awhile it becomes stale.  The woman stops putting out.  She has a headache, she's too busy, all that stuff.  All of these excuses.  (On a side note, I cannot use my own experiences here because it's been ages since I've been in a relationship!)  The sex goes from being hot-hot-hot to being not-not-not. 

That's when the guy start straying.  I cannot count how many times I've been contacted via my online personals accounts or Craig's List posts by guy in a relationship of some sort for a little "extra curricular" action.  After my refusal, the guy will usually tell me why.  Honestly, most of them really don't want to cheat on their wife/girlfriend but they are just sexually frustrated and need the release.  (Do I see that as an excuse - hell no!  And I tell them so!)  In some sick way I understand them.  I feel sorry for them.  If their bitches would just put out at home they wouldn't go out looking out somewhere else. 

So that's a note of caution to all of you in relationship.  Don't put out (hell, that's on both sides!) and risk the other party going somewhere else to get it.  Seems obvious - BUT don't think it is.

Does everything have to revolve around alochol?

I'm not a big drinker.  Not to say I don't consume alcoholic beverages, because I do.  As one of my friends firmly believes, you should never trust someone who doesn't drink, I do consume a drink here and there - but rarely more than one or two.  And very very rarely to excess.  This is not to say I have any problem with those who do (well, you might think differently when I'm done writing this).  I have a weakness for champagne and lambic (a very fruity fermented beer that is bottled in champagne bottles) and I drink an obscene amount of tea - iced and hot (ok, that's not alcoholic - but I drink a whole lot of it.)

Now, I might be extra sensitive to the fact because I don't drink a great deal - but dang it sure seems like everything these days has to revolve around drinking.  It's probably the age I am, and even more the location in which I live.  After work we do Happy Hours.  On the weekends you go out for beers.  For brunch it's gotta be a champagne brunch.  Even if you have a BBQ there has to be a lot of beer involved. 

Yes, I know I'm going to have a lot of haters out there.  A lot of people love their drinking.  I'm not one.  I don't love the feeling of being out of control (can we sense that I'm a bit of a control freak - no, not me!).  I also just don't like dealing with the after effects. Yes, I'm sure that's part of me getting older.  Who wants to deal with a hangover in the morning when there is stuff to do.  dang, I sound REALLY boring. 

I'm not going to complain, nor do I abstain (god, what do you think I'm a dork?!?) from hanging out when people drink.  I just grab my nifty ice tea after I've had my one or two drink limit.  One of the reasons I don't drink is that I have a very very low tolerance.  I'd never be able to keep up with you drinking.  I'll end up on a table somewhere or need rescuing (and no one needs that hastle!)  But how about next time, we try something that doesn't just have drinking?  Dinner?  Being just outside?  Ya think?  Maybe we can all stay sober and remember what happened. 

A Record Day

Today is not even complete, and it's been a record day on this here crazy blog.  I've had more hits and more new visitors than I ever have before.  I cannot help but believe it's from this morning's interesting post. 

Now, I have to say, I've had some negative response from the bj's and big girls post.  Some of those who know me believe it's just a call for attention. 

This blog was never intended to be a call for attention to myself, and in that I mean as the person I really am.   Yeah, I'm not going to reveal that!  In fact I wish it cold be completely anonymous.  But the bitch of it all is that without asking my friends, family and people I know to read it - I wasn't going to get anyone to read it!  So it has to be somewhat non-anonymous.

The goal is for all of the people I know to forward the craziness I write on.  That way there are lots of people who don't know me reading it.  That way it becomes more of a commentary on the strangeness of dating and less on me.  I just want to use my own experiences as examples and funny antidotes! 

It's Monday. Time for a Big one.

So... I've been thinking since I started this blog about a topic that has often weighed on my mind.  It's a big one, and I'm feeling generous - it's Monday.  My inhibitions are down (not that I've ever held anything back!)  Enough chit chat.  Here goes.  Are "bigger" girls better at the blow job/sex/etc?

I've often thought of this very thing because I am on the bigger side, and I've been told I give good head.  (hey, family members - and weak of heart you might not want to read further!)  One of my biggest worries in life (ok, maybe not the biggest worry, but you know what I'm talking about)  is that I'm labeled as the "fat girl who gives good head"  Yeah, no one wants to be known as that - we want to be SO much more!  But it makes me think - are bigger girls better at bj's and sex in general?

From my unscientific and very general poll of men I know (some I've been intimate with and most I haven't - I'm one of those rare breed women who can stay friends with an ex after the break up - wow, I know!) the simple fact that girls who are bigger, and maybe not necessarily a 10 are better in bed.  The skinny, "pretty" women often feel as if they have everything going for them and they don't have to do anything in bed.  They can just lay there.  Blow jobs are beneath them, and they really shouldn't have to work for anything in the bedroom.  All I can say is that they really must not enjoy sex either!  On the opposite end of the spectrum, it is said that "bigger" women have something to prove - they want to please their man, to keep him around.  They have to prove that they are good at everything they do, include sex.  So they go all at it in the bedroom.  They often aren't self conscious about their body and it's flaws and have fun.

Are they exceptions to the rule?  Of course, they are exceptions to every single fucking rule in the world.  But overall I have to say this one is true.

The gut feeling.

I have a lot of gut feelings in dating.  (And no, it's not the very sensitive stomach I inherited - thanks Dad - very appropriate for Father's Day...)  Now, these gut feelings can be positive or negative, but they are always there.

Lately, my gut has been getting me a lot.  And all in the negative way.  Like I've said, I've been trying to amp up my dating - all because of my insecurities of turning 30 (yes, I know they are all unfounded, but suck it - I'm having them anyway, I can't help it!)  And my gut sense is on overdrive!  I meet these guys, usually online of course - since that is my meeting men mode of choice - and my gut tells me something.  Granted, maybe it's just because I have an extra pudge there around the waist - granted maybe that a good thing!  (By the way, can I tell you how much I LOVE google image search - when I need an image for this blog - because without images it would be boring, I do a search and presto.  Take a look at this one, awesome!)

OK, some examples....

Theoretically, lets just say I've been talking to this guy for a couple of weeks.  I met him on Craig's List (yes - that dirty dirty word again!)  He seemed like a nice guy, everything on paper looked ok, and our conversations were fine - nothing out of the ordinary, maybe just a little boring.  But my gut was telling me, NO.  So, when he asked me out, I kept putting him off.  I think I might have put him off three or four times.  Finally, late last week he revealed that he actually knew who I was, outside of the online world through work relationships - YIKES!  Gut feeling realized.  While not as scary as it sounds, it was relieving.  I actually felt better, and the conversation suddenly became more free.  You know that gut feeling - it was because he was holding something back (hey, you, yes you... I know you read this!)  Strange gut feeling gone and all is good. 

How about the gut feeling that someone is married or seeing someone.  Fast forward to another situation.  Lets just say that someone I was talking to is so intent on meeting me.  But he will only meet me during work hours.  Humm, fishy...  Very fishy.  I used to be much more bendable, but not these days.  You cannot meet me at any hour or the day or any day of the week - Gut feeling -- you lose.  Not gonna happen.

I also use my dogs as a gut feeling check.  If a guy don't pass the dog gut feeling check.  He might as well just turn around, because he isn't going to get any.  If the big dog likes you, that's easy.  He likes everyone.  If the little dog likes you, you are in.  If the little dog doesn't like you - you might want to just pack up and go.  Don't pretend to like the dogs, I can tell.  So can they. 

How about the good gut feeling?  Yeah, haven't had many of those lately....  Would I like to - hell yeah :)  So if you have any guys that could provide that good gut feeling send them by way, I'll gladly provide my phone number and address - after I've done a thorough background check on them!

Changing ages... Changing needs

Blah, Blah.  I'm getting older.  Yes, I know that's getting to be a theme here.  Suck it up.  If you are going to read this blog - you are going to have to get used to it!  As I'm getting older, I've noticed what I want in a man has changed.  It can't just be me either.  Sometime between the teen years and now I grew up (**gasp**) and the same things just don't attract me anymore. But on the other hand, a lot of the same things attract me, but on a different level and for a totally different reason.  Lets' examine.

1. Cars

Having a vehicle of some sort has always been attractive in a man.  Of course, when I was younger it was just the fact that a man had a vehicle.  In a small town, like I grew up in, you had to have a vehicle to get anywhere.  So a vehicle was a must.  The car was attractive.  I've never really been one to be attracted by a type of car - be it an expensive or not so expensive car.  But I gotta tell you, these days I'm more attracted to a man who doesn't drive a compact car.  He's got to drive a manly car.  You know, something that says he's a MAN.  I'm thinking SUV, truck, even a bigger car with a larger engine.  I guess this is from being in a metropolitan area where the metro sexual population is so high.  I want a guy who knows how to be a man and the vehicle he drives is a reflection of that.  Now is this a deal breaker - of course not!  But I'm oddly attracted to a man who drives a big ass truck - yes I'm showing my redneck roots right now and it's a bit embarrassing. 

2. Money

Ahh, I used to love a man with money.  He could take me out, buy me things.  I'm thinking Tiffany jewelry, Coach Purses (note, I only have fake Tiffany jewelry and the all Coach purses I've bought for myself)  He could lavish me with money.  I'm thinking Pretty Woman without the whole Hooker part.  Ahh, how times have changed... A man with money is still HIGHLY attractive.  But I don't want that money spent on money.  Put that shit in the bank, in a 401(k).  Lets go out for moderately priced dinners.  Marry me and we can save together.  We'll have an awesome retirement account.  We could send our kids to college.  We could have an awesome house, maybe even a vacation home.  Wait, too fast?  Shit!!!  Yeah, money is great.  Don't spend it on the immediate play stuff. 

3.  Property

The Real Estate.  I bought young, like 24.  When I was that age I think a lot of men were a little scared of me.  They took it as some kind of negative sign that I was a homeowner so young.  Phooey.  For me, if a man has property, it's a pantie dropping turn on.  Property means a lot - it means you really have your shit together.  You can remember to pay your mortgage on time (hopefully, if not you have a lot bigger problems!), you know how to maintain a home (or condo as more accurate here), and you went through the whole buying process (which is a nightmare on it's own).  Besides, like above property = money.  Combine both properties (his and mine) and we are good to go!  Double the income!

4.  Nice Body

We all appreciate a nice hard body.  In our younger days - it was purely out of pure lust we liked to just look at (and touch - please!) the nice chiseled chests of hot men.  (Can I mention here that I worked at Abercrombie and Fitch for two years in college - yes, I love(d) me some nice bodies).  Hell, who am I kidding, I still love the man's body.  But in a long term mate I'm not necessarily looking for the amazing chiseled abs.  Honestly, I wouldn't want a guy who spends hours in the gym every day.  How much you want to bet he spends more time in the mirror than I do (or in the locker room with the other guys - doing god knows what!!!).  I want a guy who takes care of his body.  Not because of what it appears on the outside, but of what it's like on the INSIDE.  Yes, I want a man to care about his health.  He should want to be healthy to want to stay alive for awhile.  I say all this while I munch on snacks sitting on my ass at my desk, thinking about working out, but not doing it.  Note to self, don't be so critical.

5.  Kids and Men

I know, you are all going to think I'm crazy - but I find a man who knows how to handle kids to be EXTREMELY sexy.  Yes, crazy I know.  But apparently my biological clock and insides tells me that men who know how to handle kids and are good with them could possibly be a good mate and I like that.  I like that a lot.  So men with babies  or kids - yummy!  Granted, those kids better be borrowed and not their own - because there is no way I want a married man - that's no go territory!  I want a man for myself!

Cougar... at 29? REALLY?

I have to admit in the last couple of months I've stepped up my dating game a bit.  And in that I only mean that I've been more active on the online dating sites.  I don't want too get too crazy here.  And one thing I've noticed in particular is there is a onslaught of young men (and young I mean age 21-27) responding to my posts/ads (whatever the hell you call them, it all sounds weird!) 

In fact, I have to tell you... it seems that there is a huge number of 27 year old males on online dating sites.  I'd love to do an analysis of how many there are compared to the other ages.  But that's just my dorky side talking!  Maybe at 27 there is this flip switch in a man's brain that changes, all of a sudden it goes from - must just screw as many girls as possible (can meet them anywhere) to lets find a girl who actually matters.  I don't know, but I'm telling you, 27 year olds dominate the pages of online personals.

Back the the reason for this post.  I keep getting responses from guys younger than me.  Now I have NO problem dating a man younger than me as long as he lives up to what I want.  He's got to be responsible and have his shit together (often an issue with younger guys) - so I'm a bit more cautious when it comes to the younger men. 

But, I have to say... more than once after I've mentioned my "fears" these younger guys have come back in response and said... but I like older women, I like to date COUGARS.  WHAT?  cougars?  At 29, nearly 30, I'm a cougar?  Umm really?  That hurts.  Is this the new trend?  These "kids"  (yes, I was bound to use that term) see Ashton and Demi.  Hell, they probably don't even know the term "Mrs. Robinson" or "May-December" Romance.  But they call ME a cougar.  Yikes.

I can't decide if I should be offended that a guy is calling me that old that I should be a cougar, or a bit flattered that he thinks I'm hot "for an old chick".  Damn, but since when did 29 = old?  This is all just a little bit of a scary proposition. 

Pile on top of this all, that even though my birth certificate says I'm 29 - in person I look MUCH younger.  I always get carded, and most days I would be lucky to get 18.  If I were to hang out with that much younger of a man, I would guess that those around us would think that we were the same age or even he was older.  So there, Mr. Cougar Hunter - you lose :)

Waiting for sex.

My neighbor lives out in the suburbs and has neighbors that have children in high school.  Unlike my ghetto neighborhood - her neighbors actually talk to her.  Said neighbor had her sweet 16 birthday party a couple of weeks ago and my friend passed on a bit of advice I thought was brilliant. 

When you are young, and in High School don't be a slut.  Let the boys experiment on some other girls.  Let them be the sluts.  Let the boys experiment on them. 

Then, when it comes to college, the boys will be experienced and know what they are doing.  Then you can have the better sex. 

Excellent thinking. 

Missed Connection?

Again with my Craig's List Obsession.  I just can't help it, it's always something new!  It's always changing and it's always good for a 5 (or 30 min escape from reality).  Every morning we all have our must go to websites.  Don't deny it.  Some of you are probably high class and go to a news site, CNN or the such.  I hope that some even check out my blog (that would really make my day!!!).  Not me, I'm really low class, I check out Perez Hilton, Craig's List, Facebook, Twitter, you know the good stuff.  Sometimes, I check out the weather or the Washington Post.  I justify it by saying I deal with real stuff at work.  (as a side note, I'm really not that ill informed about the world, I just like to escape it.)

So, every morning, I point my browser over to Craig List, and one of the first places I go is Missed Connections.  Now mind you, I go there even when the night before I did nothing but go straight home.  You just never know who is out there looking for you!  But it's not just for me.  You never know who is looking for someone you know. 

Missed Connections is an interesting read, even if you don't find anyone looking for you (or me or any one I know!) there is some interesting stuff on there.  I see a lot of men looking for men they hooked up with once before.  Usually in the gym locker room, and often in the gym I belong to and should be going to (another story for another day!)  There are some unrequited love stories you just wish would actually happen.  And often some stalkerish crazy ones.  Not too long ago there was a post where a guy had taken a picture of a woman across the  bar.  Umm, hello -- if you had a chance to take a PICTURE of a woman you had a chance to talk to her.  That's just creepy.

Now, I keep reading these missed connections, just hoping that one day I will be one.  Not one of the creepy ones, but a really neat one.  Like "Hey, I saw you at the dog park, we had a great conversation and I failed to catch your name and your number.  Lets do coffee or hang out with the dogs again!"  You know, that kind of thing.  Wouldn't it be awesome if a guy was that impressed with you that he made that extra step to want to see you again?  Of course, it does border on stalkerish to post that online, but I'll take it! 

The Google Detective

People are shit crazy these days.  Men and women - crazy doesn't discriminate.  Dating is like a minefield of crazy.  To that should you really go into dating anyone blind?  Especially if you don't have to!

Just the other day, I decided I had to buy a new washer and dryer.  What's the first thing I did?  I looked up washers and dryers online and did a bunch of research.  I looked into different manufacturers and different models.  Once I figured out which exact machine I wanted, then I did some googling to find out exactly where I should purchase such machine. Wow, so I told you all that because I was trying to illustrate a point, and just work with me here, I do have a point.  We google and use the Internet for all of our research needs.  The Internet makes research easy.  Everything is at our fingertips and it makes finding information easy.

So....

What makes it different when dating?  Shouldn't we check the "merchandise" before we "buy?" when it comes to dating?  According to me - there is no difference between researching the washer/dryer and researching the man you are going to date... up to a point.

When first scheduling a date, I like to know a man's first and last night.  To that end, I like to do a quick "background check."  It's quick, easy and painless (well, at first).  Type that name in to google, first with no parenthesis - and see what comes up.  Usually it's pretty begingh.  Usually, just the "boring stuff" comes up and the typical things you already know about him through casual conversation - his facebook account, maybe a newspaper article from his hometown.  For instance, for me a couple of things come up from the local paper from High School and College and a couple of postings I made on discussion boards long back when you still used your real name.  Nothing too exciting.

Now, personally... this is my first check.  Does anything interesting/weird/scary come up?  If not, you are good to go!  If something does, then you must dig further!!!  Try googling by his full name, nick names, hometown, home state.  Just keep looking....  If something does not feel right, there is probably something there!  If he's got the ax murder vibe - I'm sure you can find something to back that up online.  Don't get desperate and pay for any background search - that's just silly.  Anything you really need to know is readily available for free.

Now the other big question is when you meet the guy - do you fess up anything you've learned?  I say, NO!  Googling is like a dirty word, much like masturbation - we all do it, but we don't really talk about it (much).  Act like you don't know anything, but ask leading questions if you want to learn more about a particular subject matter.

Yes, now I've let out my secret, so anyone dating me is going to have to forgive me, but I will give this up for the good of everyone else out there.  So please, take my sacrifice as your own!!!

In closing, google the hell out of a person  before you meet them, it's all about safety!  And as our mother's always said - safety first! 

There goes another one...

Now, I never wanted this blog to be a place for me to complain - to a place for me to be a pity party.  But damn it, I want to share this - and it might sound a bit like a pity party.  But it just happenes to be something that is just my typical dating experience for me!

As everyone that reads this knows... I'm a fan of online dating sites and I belong to a couple.  On Thursday night I began a conversation on one of this websites.  I initiated the conversation (women can!) based on a rather silly portion of this profile.  I tend to write a short one liner email "ice breaker" to just see if the guy wants to chat at all - no use putting a lot of thought and time into something that is likely not to be recriprocated  Low and behold, the one emails me back and we started an instant message conversation. 

Conversation repeats Friday and Saturday nights.  Back and forth witty conversation persists.  I'm feeling good about the whole thing, in fact I'm actually ready to see if he wants to get coffee (the first date of choice).

Today I log on to the online dating site and check my messages.  Not only has this man not left me a message, but his account no longer exists.  Yes, he deleted his account.  The only thing I can think of is that he was on there because he was cheating on a significant other.

I probably should be shocked, surprised, or otherwise taken back.  But no, I just chalked it up as another one.  This kind of stuff just happens all the time, sadly!  And I thought he was a cool guy. 

Pity party done, I really didn't mean for it to be one. 

My theory on why male's are dominant

So.... if you've read this blog, at all, you know I don't shy away from anything.  Tonight, I've decided to share my theory on why males are dominant.  This dominance is based in the act of sex, but I believe it translates to all of life.  Now, this theory is mine and mine alone.  If you disagree, that's fine.  I've been wrong before, and I will be wrong again!

Like I just said, my theory is based in the act of sex.  There is no way to sugar coat this, so I will just get right at it.  In the act of sex, men always penetrate the woman with their penis.  The man is "in charge"  as he must be the one to penetrate.  Yes, you can argue that the woman must "let the man in."  But I see this as more of a submission. 

I think this all translates to the real world, as the man will always be somewhat dominant because of this very action.  The funny thing is I'm not really a push over girl, but I have no problem admitting that men will always be the dominant sex.  It doesn't bother me.  I like those old fashioned roles - especially in the home!  I want a man who will take care of me in some senses. 

I don't think that this theory means that men should be extremely dominant over women, but one sex will always be someone dominant.  OK, I really hope this all makes sense, and it probably doesn't - a lot of what I think doesn't, especially my hair brained theories, that's why I don't share them very often, they make GREAT sense in my head, not so much on paper.  Especially because they tend to piss people off, I'm sure there are some women out there who will want to string me up by my fingernails after reading this blog - oh well.  I believe what I believe.  So suck it! 

Working in a male dominated field

I work in a very male dominated occupation.  You might have heard of it - **censored**.  Without going into too many details, my company, as a contract, bids my services to the government and I work for a military agency.  (Hey, DC people - give me a break, not everyone understands government contracting outside of our little bubble)

From the outside that sounds like an awesome dating opportunity.  Hell, I thought so too when I started in this field nearly 10 years ago.  Umm, not so much!  Military offices in the government and even some military bases are not filled with what they show in the moves - for the most part.  There aren't hot men in uniform running around, men in formation yelling or doing push ups, and those officers in their dress whites?  Yeah, forget about it.  You know what I see?  Fat old men in short sleeve dress shirts - thousands of fat old men in short sleeve dress shirts.  Ohh, and did I say they were all white and balding?  Yes, white, balding fat old men in short sleeve dress shirts, and don't forget their stained ties that their kids bought them in the 80's. 

Now, women are increasingly breaking into this field like I did.  Nothing about it says that you have to be a man, and I'm not saying that just because I'm a woman.  It's really nothing special!  So, there is an interesting dynamic, and I have to say I'm lucky to have encountered it myself due to my physical features.  Old men... horny old men...  In case you have forgotten, I have large boobs... old horny men.  UGH, let me tell you, those old horny men stare at my boobs like their lives depend on it - and maybe they do!  One of these days I'm afraid that one of these old men will keel over and it will be my boobs fault.

So, dating prospects are nil in a male dominated field - ugh.  Well, that is unless I want an old man who is way past the prime of his life and has accomplished nothing but mediocrity- lets see. . . I'll pass!

So the dating opportunities are nil.  And the few young single good looking guys have their pick of the young women around - so you know they are players.

My dog's obsession with men.

I have two dogs - a XL and a M.  I have raised both since they were puppies.  Since I got them both I have been their main caretaker - I feed them, take them for their walks, and give them their many treats.  They love me, that is . . . until there is a man around.  Both of my dogs have a man obsession. 

I've heard horror stories of dogs raised in one gender households are either scared of cautious of the other gender.  I always worried that the M dog (my first) would dislike or be cautious of men (and kids) because he wasn't around them.  Imagine my surprise when we see men and suddenly I'm invisible. 

Then I went out and got the XL dog a little over a year ago from the roughest county around.  He was young - 4 months.  I half expected the worst, he could have been abused (hate to say it, but often at the hand of a man).  When I first took him to the dog park he was scared.  Not scared of men, though, cautious of everyone.  XL dog is a wimp.

Fast forward to current day and my XL dog is in LOVE with men.  We go to the dog park and he literally goes from man to man for pets.  This dog is about 130 lbs and growing (I told you he's XL) and will lean up against men and just look at them and wait for them to pet him.  He will go to women, but very rarely.  He will also take his nasty tennis ball and literally put it in the man's hand.  Now, this dog will NOT let go of a tennis ball and has jaws of steel (and teeth like a shark).  I DO NOT suggest taking tennis balls out of his mouth and tell the men so.  Of course, whenever I say that automatically the man in question goes for it - men are always out trying to prove a point - he'll be the one to get the tennis ball out.  Note, they don't get it out.  And XL dog continues to push the gooey dirty ball into his hand.  XL Dog LOVES it, the men eat it up. 

Now, XL dog and me have had this talk many times, but he's kind of dumb and I don't think he's caught on yet.  He hasn't quite figured out the left hand ring check.  XL dog needs to learn to only "play" with the single men.  And he needs to bring a young, cute one back to me.  Doesn't he know that he needs a "daddy?" 

The Obsession with Porn in the Bedroom

Let me start this off by saying, I'm no prude.  I like some porn as much as the next person, but dang - there is a growing obsession with "porn moves" in the bedroom.  Maybe not so much obsession with the moves, but guys asking for these moves/positions/etc and being outright with it and extremely early. 

I cannot tell you how many times I've been asked to participate in anal sex, threesomes, orgy play, facials, and even crazier tasks - even before I've had a first sexual experience with a man.  Umm, really?!?!  You think they'd at least wait until they are comfortable until they'd ask that.  Maybe I just have that look of a porn star - which is scary. 

I can only think that we are a more open society, and porn is obviously more readily available.  And we all know that the Internet is only good for porn (and blogs too!).  And with porn so readily available we cannot help but watch it.  And watching it we must emulate what we see.  And those girls in porn are obviously having SO much fun doing it all that "normal" women would as well.  They don't get paid to do that or anything!?!?

How about we enjoy porn for what it is?  Something to get off to, something to arose us.  Yes, there are positions and "things" we can try, but lets not whip that shit out right away.  Can we please wait until we are more comfortable with each other.  What ever happened to plain ol' sex?  Or even kissing? 

The Best First Dates?

When you are single you have all the time in the world to think about dating.  Much like when you are dieting you have all the time in the world to think about food and eating.  It's all about wanting what you cannot have.  So, think I do.  When I'm not dating I'm constantly thinking about the good (and bad) dates!  Here's a list of ones I've been thinking about.

1. Coffee/Drink Date
The coffee/drink date is my go to first date.  Especially for those first "in person" meetings when you meet an online guy for the first time. I know that's a lot of words in one sentence, and if you can say it better, please do!  But I have to say, I prefer the coffee date because there is little time and money invested - on both sides, so if there is no chemistry you both can escape relatively easily and painlessly - sadly, this is EXTREMELY important.  I cannot tell you how many times I have spent hours chatting and emailing with someone online and then you met in person and damn it's like they are a WHOLE different person - you literally cannot suck the coffee or drink down fast enough.  But, if you actually like the person and you want to keep talking past the bottom of your drink, you can easily extend the date, or schedule another one.  In short, coffee is the best first date, period.  Don't do anything else.  Take this from a girl who has gone on way too many first dates. 

2.  The Casual Lunch Date
Much like the coffee date, but maybe a step up in seriousness - the causal lunch date has additional time and expense commitment involved.  With those additional commitment, you better know that the person is worth it.  With that, the lunch date works best as a follow on to a coffee date for an online person or a "feeler" date for a casual acquaintance.  Again, the lunch date doesn't have to be a huge time commitment and you can schedule it on a date where you have stuff to do in the afternoon - again an escape.  But you can always extend. 

3.  The Dinner Date
Dinner, so cliche.  As you can see, I'm not a huge fan of it as the go to date.  I think dinner should be always avoided on a first date!  It's just way too much pressure.  Also, there is too much money and time invested for both parties.  You have to worry about who pays, what kind of place to go to - all that bullshit.  Dinner is an excellent date for later in the relationship, definitely not as the first date. 

4. The Movie
Again, not a huge fan.  How do you get to know someone at the movies?  And by the way, when you go to movies, NO TALKING IS ALLOWED!  And yes, lets group two of my least favorite dates together and call that a first date - the dinner and a movie?  Umm really?  That's giving me a life sentence, usually with a guy I don't like.  Granted, at least the movie gives me a chance to not have to talk to him!  Just hope to God he doesn't try to hold my hand or anything, otherwise I'd have to imagine he was someone else! 

5.  The Walk or Park Date
I have to say, like the coffee/drink date, this is one of my favorite first dates.  When you take a walk or go to a park there are surroundings to talk about, and something active to do.  Activities always equals something to talk about - besides each other!  Besides, personally - a walk allows me to bring the dogs and the dogs allow me a couple of things, first, to see if the guy can handle the dogs, how he reacts to them, and also gives us something to chat about!

6. The Home Visit
Umm, since this blog is all about honesty - sadly, I must admit that I have done the home visit way too often.  My home, not his.  I have protectors in my dogs :)  At least that's what I like to think.  Anyway, the home visit is a bad idea in MANY ways.  One there is NO escape, two... it's way too easy to get in trouble and fall into bed, and three, it's not safe.  God knows I've been lucky I haven't gotten attacked. 

Cheating, Lying and Stealing.

Is it just me, or is cheating more prevalent these days?  Maybe I just live in a culture where cheating is more apparent - OR maybe I just pay way too much attention to Craig's List. 

Let me just get into this.  Yesterday I was perusing the Craig's List Personals as I often do and I ran across a post labeled, "Cheater."  Anyone with half a brain is going to check out this post.  You want to avoid anyone labeled a cheater!  Imagine my surprise when I open up the post and I recognize the picture.  Uh ohh - I knew the guy.  Not only did I know the guy but I had gone out with him and hooked up with him a couple of years back.  Umm great...  Thank god nothing had come of it and those years back were now numbering 5.  But really, lovely.  So nice to see someone I went out with so lovely labeled as a cheater. 

This all got me to thinking - has cheating become so mainstream that it's ok?  Has our society become less monogamous and accepting of cheating?  My answer is a HELL NO!  Do I want someone I'm with to cheat?  Hell no.  If a man I'm with cheats on me, I'd probably go Lorena Bobbitt on his ass.  (For those who don't remember Lorena Bobbitt - wiki it!  You are missing a great story!)

I think CL and other bulletin board type sites where you can be perfectly anonymous have made it much easier to cheat.  Where else can you post completely anonymously, ask for anything you want (and I mean anything - just last night I saw an ad for a 45 year old man looking for a woman to walk on him, yes - just walk, fully clothed).  It makes it SO easy to find someone for completely anonymous no strings attached normal, or weird sex (and cheating!). 

Yes, there is definitely, "old school" cheating.  You know, where people hook up with people they actually know.  You know the thing, the old cliches - man hooks up with secretary.  Woman screws the pool boy.  Don't laugh, I've heard about it all!  But this is the new generation!  Why have two "relationships" so much work.  If you are going to cheat, have one relationship and make the other one easy!  Yes, that is a LOT of sarcasm.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not blaming men more than women here.  I think both are equally at fault.  Well, maybe men commit a bit more here - I would say because they have a greater sex drive.... BUT, women are catching up! 

But really, if you are going to cheat, get the hell out of your relationship.  Don't cause the other person pain, ok?

Sick! Migraines from Hell!

I suffer from massive migraine's.  The neurologist doesn't know why - I've been through all the tests.  I'm sure it's just a combination of stress and the weird, very humid weather in this part of the world. 

Today, is one of those days where all the conditions are just right and my head feels like it's just about to explode.  Literally, explode.  I take some good meds that the doctor gave me to get rid of these nasty headaches and usually they work like magic.  In fact, as they are working I pretend there are little tiny people in my head using scrub brushes brushing the grubby pain away.  Visualization works!  Anyway, those little people are not working today!  Even my go to of a big Red Bull isn't working.  Did you know that Excedrin is full of caffeine and a lot of caffeine can help get rid of headaches.  Yes, it does work!  Anyway, I'm suffering in silence.  (well, not so silent since I'm complaining here! - you can skip this blog if you don't want to listen!)

Now, you wonder ... why is she writing about her massive headache on a blog about being single?  Well, except me just having a audience to vent to?  There really is a reason!!!  Work with me here. 

I'm sick (in any way, shape or form), and I live alone.  Who is going to help me?  The dogs certainly don't.  In fact - they still need the care they always need - feed, walk, let out.  How about getting me medicine?  Nope, I can't drive to the CVS or pharmacy (especially with a migraine like this where I can't even look into the light!)  How about feeding me?  Nope, I'm SOL. 

I can complain to the dogs how I feel?  What to they do?  Offer me sad puppy dog eyes. 

Now, in my ideal world, I'd have a man that would do all those things.  Go to the pharmacy, take the dogs out, take me to the hospital if need be.  But is that too ideal?  Many people would tell me yes.  Hell, many women wouldn't do that for their man too!  But why ask for less?!?

Home Improvement for the Single Woman

I just spent the last four and a half days working on some intense home repairs and renovations inside and outside my home.  Now, being a single homeowner, I find many home renovation project difficult as a single person.  Just think - many projects you need one person to hold something - the other person to do it.  And how about a long reach (we all know I'm short and have short arms!).  Even simple projects are easier with another set of hands.

This brings me back to my long weekend.  I had to "request" that my parents fly out from half way across the country to help me do some major work on my house.  Unfortunately, being a single woman with a limited income (just like a couple, but even more limited) - it's a bit difficult to afford a place that is "move in ready" and has all the work done.  So I bought a house roughly 60 years old in need of some cosmetic work (exasperated by two dogs who like to destroy things).  Fast forward nearly 10 months and the to do list was long. 

But I guess the main reason behind this post is to say that it's hard being a single homeowner!  You have to do everything by yourself.  Really, what fun is that?  Wouldn't it be great to have a "honey to do list" instead of a personal to do list?  You can't make someone else do the nasty chores  -  it's just all on you. 

Mowing the lawn in the 90 degree heat and 90% humidity?  Yup, that's me.
Picking up dog poop? Yup, that's me.
Scrubbing the toilet?  Yup, that's me.

But, Honestly, the great feeling I get when I accomplish it all is awesome.