Crazy Ass Sex... Shit I've never heard of!

So I'm pretty open to sex, and all that it entails.  I'm open to experimention - but within reason.  But I have to tell you, I've learned a whole lot more about sex and some wierd ass kinky sexual practices in the last couple of years - and hats off to Craig's List for teaching me them.  In fact, thank god for the internet to answer all my questions.  Without the internet, I'd still be in the dark.  And speaking of that, how about lets explore 10 Crazy Sexual Practices that thefrisky.com has never even heard of. 

#1.  Pony Play.  Sadly, I do know this one.  But I will blame it on the tv show Bones and the Fox Network.  Any fan of the show will know that one episode featured such "Pony Play" where one person plays the "pony" and the other is the owner or handler.  It's an extreme case of BDSM (Bondage, submission, sadism, and masochism).  Often there is a lot of whips, ball gags, and harnesses.    The whole shit is a little out there!  Why the hell would you want to pretend you are a horse? 


#2.  Agalmatophilia.  Defination: Those who are sexually attracted to mannequins.  Seriously.  That's reality, not just a cool 80's movie (and seriously one of my favorites - who knew that Samantha from Sex and the City was that hot as a mannequin way back in the 80's. and you can NEVER go wrong with Andrew McCarthy!).  But in the 80's movie, the mannequin became real - that's almost ok (ALMOST), but always being attracted to manequins - that's just wierd. 

#3 Robot fetish.  A robot fetish.... sounds like something of a teenage nerd thing.  You know the kid who can't get a date so he makes his own robot so he can fall in love with "her."  But aparently it goes a LOT further than that - apparently people are actually turned on by people acting like or dressing like robots.  True.  And very wierd.  Again, just very wierd.  Again, these must be the grown up nerds that have found a "real human" to love - but need to fulfill their fantasies by making him (or even HER) dress up like a robot to her their rocks off. 

#4 Teratophilia. Teratophiliacs are people who are sexually attraced to people who are deformed - you know someone who is missing a leg or has a wonky eye.  Maybe even little people (not that there is ANYTHING wrong with little people - at just 5 feet, I barely count as "normal").  I would think that anyone who look for others with deformaties have something wrong that they want to hide - but I'm not a psychologist so who am I to judge. 

#5 Armpit Sex. Seriously, really?  People are actually attracted to "armpit sex."  And apparently it actually has a term called the "pocket of paradise."  EWWW.  I consider nothing about the armpit to be paradise. 

#6 Hybristophilia. Otherwise known as “Bonnie and Clyde syndrome,” these people get turned on by someone who has committed a heinous crime.  You know those women who fall in love with convicts.  I think I've seen this on many a cop shows (and have heard about all those retarded women who are attracted to killers in the clink) 


#7. Mummification. A little bondage in the bedroom has some great benefits (all for another blog!)  But mummificiation is the extreme bondage practice where you completely immobilize a person by wrapping them completely up like a mummy.  Now, I"m not sure where the fun is in that... but then again, like all of the previous fetishes I'm not sure where they come from. 


#8 Nyotaimori.   Sushi off a naked body, and not just any naked body - but your naked lover's body.  Apparently this is a serious fetish.  I'm not kidding.  It sounds so unsanitary.  First of all, it's uncooked fish (which I have a real problem with - no I'm not a fan of sushi), and then you are eating it off someone's naked body - you don't know where that's been - of course, then again maybe you do - either or... too many germs mixed with the raw fish.  Just sounds like a breeding ground for bacteria - yucky. 

#9 Somnophilia. Getting off waking a sleeping person.  Now I have NO idea how this would be sexual in nature at all - unless you were waking them up with some sex act.  Who knows.  Guess, Sleeping Beauty's Prince Charming had a real problem here. But then again we have to have a name for every syndrom or issue these days... can't it just be something people do? 

#10 Salirophilia.   Now, apparently salirophilia, according to thefrisky.com, is a person who gets strong erotic pleasures from "soiling their partner by ripping their clothes, messing up their hair or makeup, or covering them in mud."  I REALLY hope this is the "clean" type of soiling and doesn't branch into the golden showers or two girls one cup terroritory - because that shit I just don't understand.  Not that I get messing up your lover to turn you on.  But I can see where messing up the "perfect" librarian type can be hot.  Or a little mud or that kind of thing can be fun.  But no bolidy fluids please (well, unless ... you get my drift). 

In preparation for a husband, I have two giant dogs.

I never knew that having two giant dogs (and a medium sized one as well) would be such great preparation for a husband)... Or that is what people tell me.  My 100 pound plus dogs regularly do the following to me (which so far I've heard is great preparation, or in my case, replacement for a husband or live in boyfriend)

1.  The dogs are major bed hogs.  Very rarely do I make it through the night in the same position on the bed that I started in.  I wish this was because I do a lot of moving in my sleep - rather I am quite the opposite, I sleep very still.  Instead, the dogs are constantly crowding me and I end up in the corner of my bed.  Lately, I have been sleeping against my headboard the wrong way on my bed just to avoid the pushing (thank god I'm a small person!) 

2.  The smell that is released from the rear ends of these canines is clearly a biological weapon.  We should bottle it up and use it against our enemies.  No one could possibly fight or concentrate when confronted with the noxious fumes that come from a 100 lb dogs ass.  I wish I could say that diet was to blame, but changes in food (multiple) and supplements don't help.  These dogs are just like men, they fart - and it's bad, very bad.  And what's worse is most are the silent but deadly type.  If I fail to report for multiple days, be aware I might have been gassed out by too many sleepy time farts.

3.  One would imagine that lazy dogs would not make messes - one would be highly wrong.  Like from what I hear about men... (and me, I'm admittedly a horrible housekeeper).  Large dogs like to carry toys around and frequently like to rearrange pillows and couch cushions.  I'm not sure I've ever come home to all the couch cushions on the couch where they belong.  Also, they like to track dirt in on their feet.  They are humanly (or I guess caninly) incapable of wiping their feet before they come into the house - leaving a dirt trail from the door to their favorite spots in the house. 

4.  They are always hungry, and not afraid to tell you.  Dogs, like men, could eat all day and all night if you gave them the chance - and their food is not cheap.  And basically, they can't feed themselves, so you have to wait on them hand and foot (sound familiar?!?)

5.  Basically you have to do everything for them, because they are helpless.  But  they always want one thing - love and affection, even if you are busy fulfilling their other needs.  And they aren't afraid to beg for what they want and demand that you do it.

ADDENDUM

6. They snore!  Ahh, yes. They snore louder than should be possible.  I often mistake their snores for another human, which is rather scary since I'm the only one who lives in my house.  And when you have to actually turn up the television to hear it over the snores of dogs - you might have a problem, multiply that by two and it can get in the dangerous territory.  Is it any wonder many of my dreams involve a man sleeping next to me?  I hear snoring in my sleep every night.

Where to meet the girls... the good ones, not the trampy ones.

This one is for the guys (although the tips work for woman as well!)... meeting people is always hard, especially in this day and age!  Seems like we are always working (at work and then at home!) or doing all kinds crazy things.  The last thing on our to do list is actually going out and meeting people ... That's why online dating has been so popular (besides, what's better than looking for play while at work - and appear at the same time you are working - BONUS!).

So, for the guys out there - what are the best places to meet the girls?  And I'm not talking about the one night hookup, I'm talking about the actual relationship girls.  So the bars and clubs are out... Yes, it's possible to meet "the one" at those type of establishments, but your odds are much lower.  So, according to a blog on the datingish.com here is the list of the best places to meet women.

The Grocery Store

I always hear about this strategy (both for men and women).  Those at the grocery store, tend to know how to cook (except for maybe me - I've become lazy and spend a great deal of time in the frozen foods section - but if you have no problem with the super pretzel we'll get along just great!).   It's also a good place to pick out people who have similar tastes as your own, note, don't pick up up a girl in the meat section if you are a vegetarian or a if you are strict meat and potatoes guy - you might want to stay away from the girl who is strictly a salad girl - that might not work.  And nothing is better than finding a partner that you can cook with - cooking can be kind of sexy.  And don't necessarily judge a book by a cover, even the girl who spends a lot of time in the frozen foods section actually does cook for another person! 

The Local Bookstore or Library

For those bibliophiles out there (yes, excellent big word there!), the bookstore is a great place to meet girls.  You can find girls that have similar interests - go towards the sections that interest you.  Just be careful not to look like "that creepy guy!"  The best bookstores and libraries are the ones with a built in coffee nook or such area - that way you can just hang out, and even have a built in first date place if you meet the girl of your dreams!  But unfortunately, these brick and mortar stores (i.e. Barnes and Nobel,  Books a Million and such) are on their way out.  So keep going to these stores (buy their books - don't just browse!) and keep looking for those women.

A Public Park

Scene opens, beautiful green park warm summer day with a cool breeze, beautiful girl lounging on a blanket - possibly reading the book she had just purchased at the bookstore above.  Oh yes, boys, good place to meet girls.  But be careful not to seem like the stalker.  Parks are great places to meet people, and bonus points if you meet and can invite the girl to do something active.  Activity inspires connections between people!  Bonus if you, or her have a dog or dogs.  I will tell you that dogs (and other little furry animals) are great ways to connect with people.  So many next time you go to the park - take a dog, borrow a dog, and see if you can find a girl. 

The Zoo or Aquarium

See, I told you... Nothing better than connecting over animals!  Although, I question meeting at the zoo or aquarium, how many people go alone to these places?  And they can be kind of stinky at times.  What I don't want to remember about meeting someone is that it was stinky - how do you know it wasn't them... Humm?  That something I want to have to think about.  But on the positive side, there is always a potential for striking up a conversation at the zoo if a woman is standing there alone.  The possibilities are limitless (just make sure that she's not waiting for her significant other to get out of the bathroom or she's just thrown him over the fence into the lion's cage to be eaten (that would definitely be a woman to avoid!)).   

Museums

Ahh, those intellectuals out there, this one is for you.  (or those people who just like to look at pretty things).  Bonus for those who live in the DC area, where the vast majority of our museums are FREE - nothing like having to not pay to pick up women.  This is truly a no risk maneuver, only thing involved is a little bit of your time, and honestly you are enjoying some museum time - so basically it's a win-win!  Go to the museums you are interested in - basically it would be pretty stupid to go to one you aren't and be picking up girls whose interests are different than your own (the old adage opposites attract is only true to a very small extent!).  Like the zoo, strike up a conversation about an exhibit, a painting, or whatever you are looking at (even if it's some stupid ass tourist).  Now speaking of tourists - you might want to aim to make your trip during non-peak tourist hours to avoid picking up those touristy type people (especially if you are in the DC area where those tourists are like pests... the last thing you need to do when trying to pick up a woman for a relationship is pick up some woman that lives thousands of miles away. 

Bitches are Crazy... Scary Girlfriend Behaviors.

I'm a girl (duh) and I'll be the first one to admit that bitches are crazy, and probably even more shit ass crazy when they are in a relationship.  It's like a switch goes off in their head when their is a man in their life and it's just ugly.  I'd like to apologize for the entire gender - but I cannot even do that - because  some of these girls really should just be shot for what they do.  Yeah, sorry - no excuse.

So according to Askmen.com (quickly becoming one of my favorite websites!) here are the Top 10 Scary Girlfriend Behaviors. 

No.10 She knows things about you that you haven't told her

Girls are sponges, we are used to sharing, and over sharing.  We want to know everything, and everything now.  We've honestly probably asked everyone about you, googled you, facebook stalked you, blah blah (oops, did I share too much!).  Men are quite the opposite, you keep things hidden.  Now, girl code says that you shouldn't be sharing information that the guy hasn't told you, but sometimes things slip.  So guys, unless she knows some creepy obscure fact about your past, take it as she's just interested.  Just politely tell her to back off and wait until she   Now, if the creepy ass girl is seemingly hired a private detective to learn about you deepest darkest secrets - RUN, RUN as fast as you can. 
 
No.1She introduces herself to your family & friends behind your back
If some crazy bio-tch goes behind your back and introduces herself to your family and friends it means she's some how gotten their contact information.  Umm, that means she's snooping in your personal stuff.  Talk about invasion of privacy.  Now, Askmen.com says that you should try to limit her exposure to your family and friends, especially because it will be difficult when and if you break up.  Personally, I think if she went behind your back to introduce herself to those close to you, I think you should again, RUN, RUN fast.  The next thing you know she'll be skipping her birth control pills or putting holes in your condoms to trick you into pregnancy.  Yeah, sorry dude. 

No2 She responds to messages on your behalf

OK, it's not always crazy for girls to play Secretary for their guys - especially if you guys are in more of a serious or long term relationship.  Hell, I would like if someone handled my social calender.  But... peeps - here's the rub..  don't plan his life without asking him first. If someone, no matter who (work, some chick, or anything!) is planning my life than I'm going to be pissed off and feel a little put off.  Tell the girl to stay out of your email (umm, you have a whole other problem if the bitch has your password!), and don't RSVP for anything unless asking you first.  And you reserve the right of first refusal. 

No.3 She has all your passwords without you having given them to her

Did I just not say this?  First off, no one should have your passwords.  I shall repeat that, no one. If you want to have a joint account, then fine.  But no one should have your personal passwords.  No one.  Do I need to say that again?  You are allowed to have personal aspects of your life.  Yes, it is true.  If you ever find that someone (like that prying girlfriend) has cracked your passwords - without you knowing and is searching though your email, facebook, etc.  Then say something.  A relationship is about trust right?  And that trust goes both ways!  You shouldn't be doing shit with your email that would piss her/him/it off, but you can still maintain your privacy.  But at the same time, she/he/is needs to trust you enough to have that privacy. 
No.4She shows up in places unexpectedly

One word for you... stalker.  Yes, stalker.  No one wants to always be around one person.  We need time alone, time with other people.  But if this girl, new girl, old girl, whatever shows up where ever you are, invited, not invited or otherwise you might have a real problem.  You know - like she's got a GPS tracker on you somewhere, or she injected you with a tracking bug.  Either or, it's just not good.  Run, Run away from her.

No.5 She made a key to your house without asking

If a "normal" person broke into your house/apartment/room it would be a punishable offense by law.  But yet, bitches in a relationship somehow think it's ok to break into their significant (or not so significant) other's residence without much thought.  Some even make their own key to do so.  I've heard of women who just take the guy's key, or even ask the super of the apartment to make their own copy.  However they do it - it's scary shit.  Seriously scary shit.  Unless someone GIVES you a key, one should never take or make a key of someone else's place.  If you find that someone has done so, no matter what their relationship to you - first you should end that relationship, second change your locks immediately, no matter what cost is involved!

Regrets of Women in their 30's - Premeptive Attack...

I found an article on the website lemondrop.com about regrets women have had in their 30's.  Kevin Hansen, author extredionaire, wrote a bestselling book, "Secret Regrets: What if you had a Second Chance?" Through his website, he requested readers to share secret regrets. 

This list is excellent to learn about what we (as women) should and shouldn't do.  And for men, to get a little insight into the women psyche (as screwed up as it is!)  It's all highly entertaining, much like my favorite website, PostSecret

Top 20 Secret Regrets of 30-Something Women

1. I regret encouraging you to move to my neighborhood. Truth is, your husband is incredibly hot and if you did move here, I think I could get him to cheat on you with me. I don't want to test that though. Please stay where you are. -- Female, 30

2. If I had a second chance to do ONE thing differently in my life, I would never have slept with him, because then I wouldn't have spent several years afterward checking my son's features for similarities to him. I know now that he's my husband's son, but those were some awful years, not knowing. -- Female, 36

3. I regret divorcing my husband, and then wanting to vent about it with my best friend. Because, the problem is, they're both the same person. -- Female, 33

4. I regret not leaving you when our first child was 3. I regret that I felt I had no other way out because we had a child together. The night of our major fight we had make up sex and I got pregnant again, and I stayed again. After 2 years of being separated you tell me you want to work things out. As much as I may want to get back together for the kids...I don't want to regret staying again. I'm sorry but it's too late. I've moved on. -- Female, 39

5. I regret using shopping as a way of dealing with my unhappiness in the past. Now I'm truly happy in my life situation, but my past mistakes are still being paid for, literally. I regret that I will still be paying for my past unhappiness for many years to come and that I feel like I'm completely drowning in debt. -- Female, 33

6. I regret that because of the pain you have caused me, because you can't be anything but selfish, because you are continuing the affair and denying it, that because of all of those reasons, I'm going to wreck myself and have an affair just to hurt you. That because I feel like an outsider in our marriage, someone who is ugly and not worth love, I'm going to seek attention elsewhere. I don't regret the hurt I'm going to cause to you, but I will regret that all my morals are disappearing in my desperate need to feel loved. By anyone. I regret that I'm not going to be the same honest, faithful person I was, because of you. -- Female, 35

7. If I had a second chance I would not have had a retaliation affair. When I confronted you about stepping outside of our marriage you were horrified, and did everything possible to try and make amends, even marriage counseling. I couldn't bring myself to forgive you. I wanted you to experience the same indescribable pain that you had caused me. So, I cheated while I was on a week long vacation with friends. I am so ashamed of myself, and don't think I will ever be able to tell you. I should have just left things as they were. I feel worse now than before I strayed. This wasn't a victory. I didn't get the smug satisfaction I thought that I would by sleeping with another man. -- Female, 32

8. I regret having loved you...and I thank God everyday for his unanswered prayers. I am so glad you are gone, and now someone else's problem! -- Female, 38

9. If I had a second chance I would have done it. I would have joined Americorps, or taught English in Japan, or driven across the country with a friend, it doesn't really matter what "it" is. It's more what I wouldn't have done. I wouldn't have chosen what I knew over what could be. I would have been brave instead of seeking comfort. I would have left a relationship that was leaving me anyway. Now I wonder what could have been. Where I could have gone, what I could have done, who I could have been, what I might have accomplished. Mostly I wonder if I'd have a better sense of myself if I'd given myself the chance to explore the world and compare, instead of staying in the place I knew to become stagnant. Now all I can do is move forward and urge others to do the same. Funny thing, I don't regret anything I've done, even the mistakes. Just the things I didn't. When presented with a "should I do it?" moment, please say, "yes." Do it. Do it well. Don't look back. -- Female, 33

10. I regret getting so comfortable in my marriage (which ultimately failed) that I let myself go and now, as a single mom pushing 40 and 300lbs, nobody wants me and I'm facing a life utterly alone and lonely with no way to change it. -- Female, 38

11. I don't regret having given you permission to end your life ... I still feel that I was right to give you strength in knowing that your friends and loved ones would forgive and understand that you couldn't allow yourself to linger and make them suffer with you for the final stages of AIDS. I do regret not having been there for you more in the months between when we had the conversation and when you did it.

Most of all I regret that it's been just over a year and I haven't kept my promise to tell our friend how much you loved her and wished you could have been a man with a future, one who could give her the life that she deserves with a white picket fence and fat babies and all the rest.

Every day I try to write that e-mail, or figure out in my head how to say it to her, but my eyes go blurry with tears and I just can't find the words. What if she felt the same way, and letting her know what she could've had, if things were different, hurts her as much as it hurt you knowing that it could never happen?

How do you tell a girl that her best friend loved her most of their lives, but didn't realize it until he'd already done the things that made it impossible to offer her more than pain and suffering? It's been just over a year and still I have no words. As much as I fear that knowing will hurt her, I fear even more for HIS sake that it won't. He'll never know how she felt and whether she would regret the missed chance, but I think if I found out she never cared it would break my heart. -- Female, 31

12. I regret getting married to my high school sweetheart. We should have never decided at 17 that we should be together forever. I regret not living on my own for a while just to know I can do it. I regret letting you choose where we live because I hate it here. I regret living my days as numbered just waiting until the kids are gone so that I can be too. -- Female, 39

SECRET REGRET: I regret living a lie for almost a year, even though I know I would be happier without you, I stick around for the kids' sake and fear of the unknown. The other problem is that you know I am intimate with someone else and you seem to be okay with that idea, as long as I don't leave – but I love him, not you. When our youngest graduates high school, I will be finishing my Master's degree and leaving. I count the days until my life will be free of the overbearing, controlling relationship I've been forced to remain in for over 10 years. 709 days remaining, and I will be free from you and ready to start my new life. -- Female, 35

13. I regret I became so close to you in my younger years. Now you think I have to tell you every tiny detail about my life, including who I am in love with, who I am dating, what I ate for dinner, where I spend my money and why I post certain things.

As I have grown older I want to keep secrets. I don't want to introduce you to the man I am dating right away. I don't want to tell you everything. I don't even want to talk to you every day. I want to keep things more quiet in my life.

I am sorry Mom but I am a GROWN WOMEN now. Please do not push me away any further by treating me like I am still 18. You are no longer my only friend. -- Female, 30

14. If I had a second chance to do ONE thing differently in my life, I would never let you convince me that our friendship would never transfer into a lasting romantic relationship, that we would never work. Because 10 years and two marriages later I still long to hear your voice in my ear, have your hands touch my skin, and be fully enveloped in your love. I never expected to want you, to need you, to miss you as I have all these years. You are my best friend but you should be my husband. You are my confidant but you should be my lover. You are a hundreds of amazing memories but you should be the father of my two children. I will love like no other and be with you when ever I have the chance. You will always be my destiny and is sucks we are both married to other people. -- Female, 38

15. If I had a second chance to do ONE thing differently in my life, I would not have put my job before my family because it gave my husband a reason to have an affair and I totally understand it now. Not that it makes it right, I just understand that he wasn't the only person to blame. -- Female, 38

16. If I could do one thing differently, I would never have kissed him. I would never have allowed him to come over that night. Then he wouldn't have awoken a part of me that I killed a long time ago. We want different things in life. It will never work. Yet I love him like I've never loved another. -- Female, 38

17. As much as I love family and my life now, all these years later I still wish I had kissed him. -- Female, 31

18. I regret that I cannot forgive and forget all of the pain and misery you caused me. I try to pretend that a mother is not capable of the destructive behavior you acted out and forced us to survive through. I will never be normal. I only partially look forward to having a child of my own someday, if simply just to allow them to live the life I never had. I have to hide all of my wedding plans from you. I am debating having any member of your side of the family there, in case you decide to show up and ruin my day. I wish I had moved to Dad's at 4 instead of 13. My emotional stability would be much less compromised. It eats me alive to see mothers and daughters that share so many precious moments together, as much as it hurts to go through adult troubles without a mom to lean on. Shame on you. Shame on me. -- Female, 38

19. I regret telling him I was pregnant. We barely knew each other and I was only 20. I thought I was doing the right thing. She's 11 now and he has done nothing but harm her. The first time he kidnapped her, she was 2. The last time she was 6. It took me 2 years and $100,000 to get her back, all the while she was being physically and emotionally abused. Over that time he convinced her that I didn't want her, that I wasn't trying to contact her, that I drank when I was pregnant with her, and new lies are still being uncovered. This one regret has made me realize how insignificant any other bad choice in my life has been. I pray to God that I can mother her the way she needs, and that she will someday be a successful adult. Today I found her FB page... I think I'm not succeeding. -- Female, 31

20. I regret that my mother is gone from this world & that my sister & I are left with a father who could care less about the fact that he's slowly killing himself and that he is too selfish to realize what it's putting me & my sister through. I regret that I have a father who is so selfish that he doesn't care that although he is our only parent now, he only cares about the pain, suffering, and loneliness he feels and not that we may feel the same way, since we loved my mom dearly too, he just wants it all to end. I regret that I am slowly getting to the point where his selfishness is making it hard for me to care anymore when we get the calls from the ER. I regret that I am slowly getting to the point where I no longer care that my father is killing himself. I regret that because of this sometimes I wish he was the one who was gone & that my mother was the one still here. -- Female, 32

21. I regret not being there for you when you needed a friend. I regret not contacting you for a few years before you took your own life. I regret not visiting your grave for over two years. We were best friends for years, sisters really - I can't help but feel that I failed you.
I look at your suicide note and am filled with regret, even five years later. I regret that my daughter will never know you. I am ashamed that this isn't the only time I failed you.

The entire world regrets losing your beautiful face, your sarcastic personality, your ability to always make everyone laugh. I love you and miss you Shorty. -- Female, 33

22. I regret that's my marriage has turned out like my parents. We stay married for our daughter and financial reasons but neither of us are brave enough to admit it. -- Female,34

23. I regret that I don't regret you. The way you have been after me, ever since the day I told you we could not do this, not while I was married - ever since that day I have wanted not to feel. I regret that I can't get there. Even when you follow me around in your car, when I'm running or buying groceries or just living my life - even then, when every person I know says you are stalking me, I can't regret you. I can't get to you, and I can't get loose from you, and still, I don't regret you. I love you, and I miss you, and I wish things were different. I don't know if that means I regret my decision that night, but I do know I will always regret where we have gone with it. If ever you would just stop that car, and talk to me instead of following me and staring at me, I would be so happy. We could resolve these issues, and no matter what it meant - a friendship restored, a real try at a relationship, or just peace for us both, I think we would both better off. Please? -- Female, 38

24. I regret not being confident. I regret listening to the comments made by others. I regret my mother agreeing with those comments and not defending me when friends and family made them.

I regret that they made me feel like I wasn't pretty enough or good enough in general.

Most of all, I regret that now, when I know I am beautiful and smart and funny and worth being loved - I still have that thought in my head that tells me I'm just not good enough. And that that thought stops me from ever letting anyone love me, letting anyone in at all. I regret that I think I will always have a little hate for myself deep inside. -- Female, 30

Bra Required.

Women the world over strap on the old over the shoulder boulder holders every morning.  And these bras come in many sizes, shapes, colors, designs, blah, blah.  But the common denominator in these bras is that they keep a woman from bouncing around - and as uncomfortable as many bras are - daily activities without a bra for those who don't pass the "pencil test" are much more comfortable with a bra on than without.

But, wearing a bra has never been a federally mandated law - unlike the whole no shirt, no shoes, no service thing.  But now, a court in Germany has ruled that bosses have the right to order female employees to wear bras in the workplace.  Ohh, AND the length of her fingernails can be determined by her immediate supervisors.  Oh, and there is more... immediate supervisors can also demand that hair must be clean and groomed.  Although, the men haven't escaped..  men can wear beards - but supervisors can request employees to keep it well trimmed. 

You think that those requirements are enough?  Oh no!  Guess what... Bras must only be white or flesh colored because the court is concerned that bright colors and patterns might "shine through" and cannot be concealed with an undershirt.  But those English women are allowed to go crazy!  The court didn't make a ruling to ban certain shades of hair color or nail polish!  Lucky girls.

Now, personally...  I'm a fan of workplace decorum and decency.  Wear your bras!  Cover up your womanly assets in the office.  But damn it you stupid British courts - don't tell women what COLOR bra to wear.  My mom once told me that even under the most conservative business suit, wear sexy underwear that makes you feel good!  Now, I've posted before how bras for girls with big boobs aren't all that cute - but that's a problem with the industry - not a legal mandate.  You can still find sexy bras in black **gasp** red, or animal print!  So wear that sexy underwear under your conservative business attire and walk around like a sexy woman you are - knowing that you are hiding a bit of a secret diva under your suit.  And the Brits can kiss our American ass :)

If your name follows, you might want to change it if you actually want to date....

A name means a lot.  We can tell a lot by a persons name - what ethnicity they are (or aren't), and often what they are even like as a person (due to their nickname.)  But have you ever considered the sexual implications of a person's name.  Are we turned on or turned off by a person's name? 

Personally, I have some issues with guys' names associated with negative connotations in my past.  You know - crazy ex-boyfriends, shitty bosses, just people you generally didn't like.  Ohh, and the biggest one... dating a guy with the same name as my brother. . . that one is really strange.  I've gotten over it (once or twice), but it really freaks me out to scream the same name in bed as my brother - it just seems a little too fucked up - even for me!

I found a list of names online that are, shall we say, not the most conductive to dating potential.  Do you have others? 

1. Boris (Male)
The author of my article has a great description of what she thinks a "Boris" is "a sweaty, obese man with a large mole protruding from his face, possibly sporting a long, single strand of hair. The folds of skin around his neck practically choke him to death, so it's hard to understand a single word coming out of his mouth."  Now, I don't see the same description - but I just think the same sounds like an old Russian or European man, and that just doesn't turn me on at all.  Granted, I don't know if you've caught Royal Pains on the USA Network and that Boris is hot in the salt and pepper age group, and if all Boris' were looking like that I might have to change my mind!

2. Bertha (Female)
Umm, if your name is very commonly associated with the saying, "Big Bertha" it's just not looking good for you.  And seriously, what mother would name their daughter this knowing that her future held that for her?  Talk about the psychological wounds!  No wonder all the Bertha's end up "big"
3. Jesus (Male)
And yes, I don't care if you live in a Spanish speaking country and it's pronounces "Heh-Sues".  I think there is something just inherited weird about your name being the same as the "Holy Kid's" name.  Why not name your kid God?  Besides, does he answer every time you use the Lord's name in vein?  that might be too many to count ...
4. Cooper (Male)
I think I've met probably about 100 dogs named Cooper,and while it's a great dog name... not so great for a person.  Cooper is a last name, not a first.  And it just sounds strange.  Not that I'm judging or anything.

5.  Igor (Male)
Isn't Igor one of those Disney villain characters?  I'm a little out of touch.  I grew out of the Disney, and don't have kids around to remind me.  All I know is that if your name reminds me of some Disney movie - especially the villain, it's not a good thing for you.  Because if we are having sex and all I can see in my head is a Disney character, it's not going to help with our X rated play because all I'm seeing in my head is PG.

Women Fashion Fad do's and don't if you want to impress a man

Our friends (well, not sure they are anyone's friends.. as I'm not sure these days if online dating really works at all!)... So our friends at Match.com released an article about what guys think of women's fashion trends.  Now, I'm not really a follower of fashion trends myself, I tend to go for the classic look - probably because I'm a cheap ass and I can't afford to change clothes/accessories/shoes/etc every season - that would just get too expensive.  Besides, I don't want to look like a floosey with some of the shit that is going on - and lets be serious - by the time you hit 30 if you are following some of these so called trends you probably should be taken out behind a shed and shot.  But lets look at current trends (according to match.com) and their male "experts" reaction to them.

Trend #1: Designer Sweats/Sweats with words on them
 Men: -- “This look always reminds me of self-absorbed teenage girls that hang out at the mall. Did you just come from Claire’s or something?”– Steve, 31, writer, Missouri

--“The words try to make sweats something that they’re not. Sweats should be basic, comfortable, and laid-back. That’s what makes them sexy.” – Andrew, 25, grad student, Ohio

-- “With words like ‘juicy’ and ‘pink’ on them, it makes me wonder about what message these girls are really trying to send. Not hot.”– Joey, 29, analyst, Vermont

Me:  Like I expected, why spend hundreds on "designer" sweatpants when you can get comfy ones at Target.  Not saying you have to get the Hanes ones recently (although I did get some nice ones for $3.50, yes 3 DOLLARS and FIFTY cents - cheaper than my latte!).  But a really nice pair of sweats, and I'm talking REALLY nice are way under $20.  And who needs a word on their ass?  It's attracting the wrong kind of attention!  And guess what, this time it's not just my opinion - but at least 3 random guys!

Trend #2: T-shirts with witty slogans or sayings Men: -- “Ninety-five percent of the girls who wear t-shirts that say something like ‘Out Of Your League’ really aren’t, actually. And shirts like these only serve to point that out. As for the other five percent, why rub it in?”– Steve

-- “I love a woman in a t-shirt. But I can’t get behind the off-the-shelf sort of generic slogan, message, or design. Now, a legit, vintage concert or band t-shirt, that’s a different story.”– Andrew

-- “These could be fun. But, only if the messages read something like ‘LARP is a Battlefield’ or ‘I’ve Seen Bloodsport.’ The traditional messages, like ‘Team Jacob’ and ‘Drama Queen’ make me wonder when your parents are coming to pick you up.”– Joey


Me:  Not sure exactly why we are calling this a "trend"...  And jury is still out for me (like ths guys)... And sometimes I wonder if I think more like a guy than a girl, and that scares me a little!  Anyway, I like stupid slogan t-shirts I think they are funny in the right setting (see http://www.davidandgoliathtees.com/)... but like Mr. Steve said above, don't be stupid and wear something that offends the men you are trying to attract.  And wear them in moderation, they aren't really all that "grown up" - especially if you are 30 plus like me (ugh, yeah, I know - getting older sucks!)

Trend #3: LeggingsMen: -- “If you’ve got nice legs, this look can be attractive with a short dress and heels. It says, ‘I know it’s cold out, but I still want to give you guys something to look at.’ That’s just being considerate.”– Steve

-- “I like being able to check out the shape of her legs while still having to use my imagination to visualize what they’d really look like."– Andrew

--“Leggings make me feel like she’s trying too hard. Or like she’s been warped through time from the 80s. Once and for all, Pat Benatar was not that sexy.”– Joey

Me:  Two of the three boys say they like leggings, but to check out a shapely girls legs.  Approach leggings with CAUTION.  I would say, don't at all - you are apt to be judged and judged greatly.  They aren't attractive, and to mistakes to me made are too great,...

Trend #4: Ugg BootsMen: -- “Wearing these makes you look like you were stuffed into a time capsule in 2003 and just recently woke up. Don’t do it.”– Steve

“Unless it’s -10 degrees Fahrenheit out, I can’t understand why any woman would ever put these on. And, if she’s wearing them with a skirt, I probably won’t talk to her. Ever.”– Andrew

“Short for ‘ugg-ly,’ right? Leave these to the Vikings, ladies. They wore them better.”– Joey

Me:  Girls, verdict is in.  Uggs are out!  Now... I'm not one to really judge because I live in my crocs (every color, every style - don't judge - they are SUPER comfortable and super practical for dog park runs and such).  But like Crocs, Uggs have a purpose, and somewhere in the trend that purpose was lost and they became popular for strange things and acceptable for everyday use (even in the middle of summer - which I don't get because they look SUPER hot!).  So, if you want to use them for their purpose, knock yourself out, I fully support that!  But for everyday wear, yeah, I'll judge you too, and I'm not so nice.

Trend #5: Giant Sunglasses

Men: -- “This is the female equivalent of a hipster beard — fun to wear, yet obnoxious. But, if you make a joke about how your delicate retinas need 100% UV protection on a daily basis, I’d be cool with them.”– Steve

“I immediately assume that a woman is not attractive if she covers up half of her face with these things.” – Andrew

“These are absolutely OK — if you’re 87 and playing shuffleboard. Otherwise, they’re just covering up prime real estate. No one is gonna bid if they can’t see the property.”– Joey

Me:  Humm, I can't say much, as I look at my GIANT sunglasses sitting right in front of me.  My delicate retinas need 100% UV protection on a daily basis - right Steve?  Honestly, I just like them because they are fun and different, but I don't hide behind them.  And girls, the way to avoid the hiding behind them is to take them off when you are talking to someone!  The key to a person when you are talking to someone is always eye contact... 

Miracle Teeth Whitener

As always, I urge you to approach this blog with caution.  And today is no exception!

On the radio this morning I heard a little ditty about a "new" tooth whitener product, one that is available to all women if they just ask and readily available to all men within seconds. 

Apparently, semen has tooth whitening properties.  Just look online. . . . As for scientific claims, those are hard to find - but wiki's all over claim cum's positive whitening (which by the way is a really stupid word!) powers. 

Granted, this might be another reason excuse that men give to women to give blowjobs - but hey - you know I don't need another one!  So girls, shoot one back, swish it around and throw those crest white strips away!  Don't waste your money on that expensive stuff when you can get the other stuff for free. 

Boys, have an excellent weekend... Enjoy my advice to your women:)

Perfect Valentine's Date for the Single Girl!

We are only about a month out from Valentine's Day, otherwise known as Single's Awareness Day for all of us single girls...  It doesn't quite has the same effect for guys. 

So, for those friends in your life that are single (or even yourself!), I have the perfect solution! 

BOYFRIEND IN A BOTTLE!

For a small price of $8.50 (and $3.00 shipping in the United States) you can buy the Boyfriend in a bottle (girlfriend in a bottle also available!) on etsy.com.  

Each boyfriend comes encased in a bottle and enclosed with a cork to keep him closed in.  He comes packed in a crate.  Only the best "Boyfriends" were apparently approved to be bottled up, but your bottled boyfriend is my chance, and it will cost you double the price to "choose a boyfriend" otherwise you order and receive your bottled boyfriend by chance. 

False Penile Advertising

Apparently I'm on a 2 post streak of fake manly parts.  But, did you know that men no longer have to stuff socks in their underwear to make them look bigger in the penis/balls department?  No?  Well, they don't!

Thanks to designer Andrew Christian we now have underwear with built in "penis enhancers."  Mr. Christian's new underwear: The Shock Jock Flirt Boxer and Brief feature a soft hidden cup, sculpted into a penis shape.  The "cup" adds about 2 inches to a man's own package and adds to a man's confidence.  Don't take my word for it, Mr. Christian says, "Guys want underwear that looks natural, feels great and makes them feel confident."

For $32.00 you can order the underwear on Mr. Christian's website.  http://www.andrewchristianshop.com/.  But, I would have to say, use them with caution!  If a girl pulls down your pants and sees a "fake penis" you might be just pulling these back on and running right back out the door, possibly with a lot of screaming behind you - and I'm not exactly sure that's what you want.  But hey, whatever floats your boat!

Although, if I do suggest, Mr. Christan has a lovely pair called the Air Jock with Show It Technology.  See front and back views here...  These are always a good option...  Let me know what you think.  Ohh, and yeah, please NEVER buy anything from this man, he scares me!

Truck Balls.

This is not something I see in Washington DC very often... but that I did see in the Midwest very often.  But it's something I really do think is BEYOND obnoxious.  That is what I will refer to as "truck balls."  Now, you know me, and I'm probably the furthered thing from a prude, but damn having fake balls hanging from your truck hitch is just nasty!  Come on - there are kids that can see them and that's just not cool. 

Besides, it's just nasty - and no one really likes balls anyway.

Boxers vs Briefs... it is really that popular?

So, I'm constantly amazed by which posts I've written that are visited and continued to be visited long after I've written them.  I wrote the blog, Boxers vs. Briefs on 11 October and since then (and as of today) it's had 86 hits.  That's nearly twice as many hits as the next highest blog - Craig's List Ad of the Day . 

Now, I realize that the Boxers vs. Briefs post has quite a few pictures of half naked men, and girls (and boys!) might be visiting just to gaze upon them - but that cannot account for all 86 hits. 

But read away, I'm pleased by your "business!"  Please continue to visit and show your friends, if you dare!  I'm always looking for new readers.

30 Things you should quit doing by the time you are 30... OOPS!

So... we all know I'm 30... Yippi, right?  The Frisky.com  believes there are 30 things that women should stop doing once they turn 30... lets see... 


THE LIST

1. Buying clothes from the junior section. - Check.  I stopped doing that awhile ago.  FYI, leggings are part of the juniors department ladies...

2. Forgetting her parents’ birthdays. - Check.  I got the Month and days down, although I have to admit that I sometimes forget the years, that's ok right??

3. Making out with her BFFs at bars for attention. - Check... Seriously.. I hate this!! Girls, never do this, it's stupid.  I know guys love it and it turns them on, but do we do everything to turn men on?  Wait, then again... I've never done it and I think it's stupid - but that's just me.

4. Making out with her boyfriend at bars for attention. - Check, I've never been one for PDA, then again, I've also never been one to keep a boyfriend around... so who am I to say I would or wouldn't!

5. Filling her bed with stuffed animals (really, even one is too many). - Check.  But what about dogs? 

6. Carrying a torch for anyone she hasn’t seen in the last five years. - Check. I like to keep my crushes in the current. 

7. Rebelling against her parents for the sake of rebelling against her parents. - Check.  Never did rebel.  Guess I was one of lucky ones - or my parents were! 

8. Declaring an entire gender “all jerks.” - Check.  I love men, hate people.

9. Holding a grudge against anyone who wronged her in high school. - oh damn...  I hate some of those bitches and assholes still!  Sorry.

10. Skipping regular gyno exams. - Check.  Hey girls... don't miss these, I found something very important in one of mine and since I got it early I'm healthy rather than developed cancer - phew!

11. Going to bed without washing and moisturizing her face. - Fail, I remember to take my contacts out, but rarely get to remember the washing and moisturizing.  Then again, my skin looks like a 16 year old girls, acne and all...

12. Being “that person” who had a bit too much to drink at the office party. - Check... Guess it's a good thing that I don't think, and our company works hard but parties harder. 

13. Crushing on Justin Bieber. - Seriously really? That kid is like 12, and scares me with his hair wooshing.

14. Thinking she’s got it all figured out. - Of course.  The older I get, the more I learn, the more I have no idea what the hell is going on!

15. Calling her father “daddy.” -Check  He's been "Dad" for as long as I can remember!

16. Engaging in sibling rivalry. - There will always be some sibling rivalry, but nothing too much.

17. Trying to get by on her looks.  - Well, good for them girls who can get by on their looks, but we know that's not everything!

18. Living paycheck to paycheck. - Well, shit... Try living in DC and not living in paycheck to paycheck without a sugar daddy...

19. Expecting a man/knight in shining armor to swoop in and save her. - You mean this isn't true?  You mean I can't hold out hope?  I'll hold out some hope that it could possibly be true, but no longer do I expect that it WILL be the case.

20. Aimlessly jumping from job to job. - Never did, never will.  But, gotta tell you... in DC it's the way you can actually make more money this way.

21. Using MySpace to pick up guys. - People do or did this?

22. Expecting a man to do all the wooing. - They can't?  What happened to chivalry?

23. Wishing she had someone else’s life. - Check.  My life is pretty damn good.  I'm actually liking it.  You should be jealous.

24. Expecting everyone to drop everything because it’s her birthday ... - 25 August.  Mark the date.  Remember it..  But yeah, I get it...

25. ... or because her “boyfriend” of two weeks dumped her.  - Yeah, yeah... we all get it.  Just help me when we need it.

26. Measuring her self-worth by a number on the scale. - Sometimes fat is beautiful.  And who cares about a number. 

27. Being cheap. Giving is fun. 

28. Quitting a job without having a new one lined up first (especially in this economy!). Seriously, what kind of insane person would do this.  Wait, I've seen it - and I just can't believe it. 

29. Blaming her mother for all her issues. - I love my mom. 

30. Romanticizing her 20s. - I think my 30's might be pretty good. 

All in all, this list was pretty good and I did pretty decent.

The 3 Month Rule

Ugh, another rule.  I am not a huge fan of dating rules, in fact I'm often one to break them completely - and you see how well that's worked for me....

So, when I saw The Frisky's article by Ami Angelowicz on a new rule it caught my attention, mostly negative attention - but it's attention none the less.  And really - what else am I going to talk about with you.  God knows I can't have original thought all the time, these original thoughts are far and few between these days, and I have to save them for school and work - sorry guys, you just get the left over shit and you are going to have to live with it,  But lets be serious, you are getting this shit for free, so you can't be too demanding. 

The Frisky calls it, "The Three Month Rule" and advises everyone that you must wait at least three months before getting excited about the long term possibilities of a new person (well, shit-damn-fuck - I really fail at this one.  Maybe I'm a wee bit too serious, I think about the long term possibilities when I first meet someone, maybe that's why I tend to scare guys away.... maybe, just maybe.... hummm....)

Not that I've really been in a relationship that's lasted more than a couple of months in awhile (yeah, so?  You got a problem with that??!?!?), but the author, Ami is right The first three months of knowing someone is a time of illusions. Instead of seeing the person objectively, you see them for who you want them to be. Your object of desire is laden with fantasies and projections.  It often takes a couple of months to strip away the illusions of who you think they are and see the person for who they really are. 

Ami also points out that in these first three months you can also find out if the person is consistant and stable.  You know... all that shit that will drive you crazy...  Do they call when they say they're going to? Do they cancel dates? Do they even have time for dates? Do they want to hang out once a week or six times a week and does that mesh with what you want? How do they treat you after a month? Any major disagreements on fundamental things? How do they behave in different situations?


So, at the end of the three months you are allowed to sit back and then decide if he's long term or husband material (if he's lasted that long) - is it any wonder I'm not married or have been in a long term relationship?  Now i Have to ask myself... Is it me who is too picky or am I just that annoying? ;)

How about some BAD Pickup Lines

And since I hit those "good pickup lines" from a quote, unquote real online dating site - lets hit a fun website for some really bad pickup lines.  Askmen.com has a list of 10 bad pickup lines that should make you giggle a little, and while they are good for reading, and sharing on facebook, twitter and other social media - please don't ever use them - well unless you are totally toasted and you want a good laugh - then by all means.

#10: “Great legs, what time do they open?”

Dayyyyuuuummm.  That's a real one.  Although, I have to admit, it's pretty funny.  But if a guy actually said that to me, I might slap him across his face - and I'm extremely open sexually!  Especially a dude I didn't know.  Seriously that's crude.  But it's pretty funny. 

#9: “You must be tired because you’ve been running through my head all night.”
I think many of us have heard this one, and just because we've heard it doesn't mean it's good.  Tried and true, doesn't mean it's a good one.  It's just bad, and groan worthy!
#8: “Hey girl, what’s up? Guess what? It’s your lucky day. Out of all the girls here, I picked you to talk to.”
Oh, really?!?  My response - that's bullshit.  Confidence is good, being overconfident is not cool.  Cockiness is not attractive for the most part, and this line is just way over cocky (and not in the good way ;)!)

#7:"That shirt’s very becoming on you. Of course, if I were on you I’d be coming too.”
Again, ouch!  I would error on the side of caution when you are hitting on a girl for the first time.  Lets leave the bedroom gymnastics out of the equation, or as Askmen.com calls it, "offering a girl you just met a sperm bath is not a good way to build attraction."  And any website that uses the term "sperm bath" is now my favorite website!   Although in pickup lines, references to bodily functions and body fluids are always discouraged.

#6: “Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?”
Ohh, this started out well, "Can I buy you a drink?"  But then we went into hooker territory...  Never insenuate that a girl you are hitting on is a hooker, that's not gonna get you a date, well... unless you actually do want to pay for it - then by all means!

#5: “Can I have your phone number? I seem to have lost mine.”
Another groan-worthy pickup line.  Really dude.  Can't you just be up front and ask a girl for her phone number after you've had a normal conversation?  Of course not!  And if she does it will be one of those fake phone lines or a fake number anyway, and good luck with that. 

#4: “Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk past again?”
Another oldy but bady - and a bit too cocky!  Seriously - why!
#3: “Excuse me; I think you owe me a drink.”[She says, "Why?"] “Because when I saw you from across the room I dropped mine. It was a rum and Coke, and I’m [your name].”
Ewwwww.

#2:“Is your last name Gillette? Because you’re the best a man can get.”
Bad, just bad. 
#1: “Do you come here often?”
Probably the most used and most hated pickup line.  Can't you be a little creative?  Seriously people think a little!

Pickup lines that actually work!

When I think of pickup lines, I think of a loud bar and a drunk ass guy leaning over into my ear and whispering something stupid ass line into my ear - like, "Baby, you must be a broom, cause you just swept me off my feet."  You know something so ridiculous it makes you groan and want to make the guy just go away.  But guess what?  not all pickup lines are bad, some actually work.

According to eharmony.com, these are their top favorite pickup lines that actually work...

1. Hey, I Love Your Shoes (or Handbag or Coat, etc.)
Being specific about what he or she is wearing and complimenting on it is SO much better than just a generic compliment.  Besides, for girls - complimenting her on something she's bought is always a good thing - and if you get the right piece - depending on what she's into you might just win an extra point.  For instance, if she's a shoe fantastic and you compliment her on her shoes, big bonus point!  Same goes for some guys, but it's not as clear cut.

2. Hi, I would love to get you a drink.
Simplicity is good, but don't be threatening and be willing to take no as an answer (if it comes to that!).  And above all else, don't be scary.  Nothing is scarier than a guy (or a girl) trying to buy you a drink when it's unwanted. 

3. What Kind of Dog is That?
As a dog lover and dog owner, I will say that this is a winner for me.  For other dog people I know I think it's a winner as well.  Dog people notoriously love to share information about their dogs and it's a great way to open a conversation.

4. Are You Single?
No wasted time (always a good thing), and a straight forward approach.  Although you would have to have a little bit of an opening here - you can't just walk up to a person and ask if they are single. 

5. Hi. Who’s your friend?
This is suggested for the more daring and it might work as a conversation starter.  But you have to be careful - make sure you are asking for the right "friend."  you don't want to end up with wingman and not the good friend!

6.  Nice to meet you, I’m (x) and you are beautiful!
Flattery works wonders!  Tell someone they are beautiful or handsome and you are golden.  But don't be a condescending kind of thing, be sincere and serious and not in a dirty way, and you'll get your girl or guy.

7. I bet you were an awfully cute baby.
While bordering very closely on cheesy, this one could be used effectively with the right person and from the right person.  You have to be careful - but it could be used well.

8. How much does a polar bear weigh? Enough to break the ice!
Ok, really?   Yeah... this is just dumb.  If a guy told me that - no.

9. Excuse me, but you have something on your face," (when she goes to wipe it off you stop her and say) "No, no leave it. It's beauty
ok... again - this is bad. 

10. WHO are you?
OK, this list started out really good.  Of course, what else do I expect from an article from eharmony!  Anyway - if someone used this pickup line for me - "WHO are you?" I would be offended.  It's so forward - way too much so!

Healthy Reasons to Have Sex Right NOW.

Yesterday, on New Years Eve, I suggested you all resolve to do something actually reasonable (Resolution Time) and resolve to have more sex in 2011.  So today, lets explore why it's such a good, and HEALTHY reason to make this resolution, and I'm not blowing smoke up your ass here (pun maybe intended - we are talking about sex!)... And this is actually scientifically proven, this shit comes from a real news source, CBSNews and they quoted WebMD. . . So hot damn. 

You know, being the "family" channel - CBS stresses that sex should be in a loving relationship, and I say that's probably the optimal way, but hey, if you can't get in a long term relationship... I'm sure there are other ways to sexercise.  Just open up Craig's List... I know "Adult Services" doesn't Exist anymore, so you can't pick up hookers (or escorts for you more high class folks) but Casual Encounters is still going strong last time I checked and that works just as well.  Check out my blog on Craig's List Changes - No more "Adult Services!" 

So on to the Top 10 Reasons why you should resolve to have sex now!

1. Sex Relieves Stress
According to researchers in Scotland (reporting their findings in the journal of Biological Psychology - I'm constantly amazed at the number of Scientific publications - I wonder who reads all of them!), sex lowers blood pressure and provides overall stress reduction.  The researchers studied 24 women and 22 men who kept records of their sexual activity over time while the researchers subjected them to stressful situations like speaking in public and doing verbal arithmetic and noted their blood pressure in response to stress.  Lets just hope they didn't make them perform sexual acts while they were doing those stressful situations...  But the sexed up people had better responses to stress than those who engaged in other sexual behaviors or abstained. 

2. Sex Boosts Immunity

So having sex once or twice a week (not even all that much actually) has been linked with higher levels of an antibody (warning science content!) called  immunoglobulin A or IgA.  This antibody can protect you from getting colds and other infections (yes, that science content was worth it).  So, some scientists at Wilkes University took samples of saliva (spit for us uncivilized) which contained IgA from 112 college kids who reported their frequency of sex.  Those in the "frequent sex" group (once or twice a week - really for college kids?  that's it??? - had higher levels of IgA than the other 3 groups - those who reported being abstinent, or having sex less than once a week. 

3. Sex Burns Calories
"Sex is a great mode of exercise," says Patti Britton, PhD, a Los Angeles sexologist and president of the American Association of Sexuality Educators and Therapists. It takes work, from both a physical and psychological perspective, to do it well, she says.  Like I said in the Resolution Time blog, Thirty minutes of sex burns 85 calories or more. It may not sound like much, but it adds up: 42 half-hour sessions will burn 3,570 calories, more than enough to lose a pound. Doubling up, you could drop that pound in 21 hour-long sessions.

4. Sex Improves Cardiovascular Health
So, Hugh Hefner just engaged on Christmas Day to a 24 year old Playboy model.  I don't know about you, but I would think he might keel over during a good love making session.  Now, guess what... apparently I'm way wrong!  In a study published in the Journal of Epidemiology and Community Health, scientists found frequency of sex was not associated with stroke in the 914 men they followed for 20 years.  The researchers also found that having sex twice or more a week reduced the risk of fatal heart attack by half for the men, compared with those who had sex less than once a month.  Sounds like Mr. Hefner is probably healthier than the rest of us with all the sex he's had over the years.  Hell, good luck to him!

5. Sex Boosts Self-Esteem
Seriously who can feel bad about themselves when someone likes them enough to want to see them naked and want them enough to have sex with them?  Yeah, no...  Now, I think this study is a little hookey, but apparently Boosting self-esteem was one of the 237 reasons people have sex -makes me wonder what the other 236 reasons were!  Gina Ogden, PhD, a sex therapist and marriage and family therapist in Cambridge, Mass says, "One of the reasons people say they have sex is to feel good about themselves. Great sex begins with self-esteem, and it raises it. If the sex is loving, connected, and what you want, it raises it."


6. Sex Improves Intimacy

Dang, this article was filled with research, researchers, and studies... But what else do I expect from a real news source!  Doing it and having orgasms while doing it increases the level of the hormone oxytocin (not to be confused with OxyContin which is a very strong pain drug that people like to abuse but also gives you that whoo-whoo feeling...).  Oxytocin, also called the love hormone helps us bond and trust (what you don't want for one ngiht stands!)   Researchers from the University of Pittsburgh and the University of North Carolina evaluated 59 premenopausal women before and after warm contact with their husbands and partners ending with hugs. Tey found that the more contact, the higher the oxytocin levels.  So, side note... if you want to avoid that bonding and trusting... avoid the extra contract, the extra snuggling at the end... think wham, bam, and thank you ma'am...  Not my preferred method, but if you don't want to have the attachments of intimacy but with the health benefits... avoid the oxytocin!

7. Sex Reduces Pain
But, for pain reduction... lets keep that oxytocin going ...  as the oxytocin increases so do endorphins and pain declines.  Awesome news for those headaches, arthritis, backaches, or for the women in the audience - PMS!  More studies.....   In a study published in the Bulletin of Experimental Biology and Medicine, 48 volunteers who inhaled oxytocin vapor and then had their fingers pricked lowered their pain threshold by more than half.  Not bad odds, and I'll take it... 

8. Sex Reduces Prostate Cancer Risk
For the men in the audience, this is excellent news... especially as the incidence of prostate cancer seems to rise each year.  If men ejaculate five or more times weekly in their 20's (that's less than once a day - and from stories I hear - that's NOTHING if you are just counting self pleasure and not even counting the sex!), especially those in their 20's, it may reduce the risk of prostate cancer later in life by a third. Another study, reported in the Journal of the American Medical Association, found that frequent ejaculations, 21 or more a month, were linked to lower prostate cancer risk in older men, as well, compared with less frequent ejaculations of four to seven monthly.

9. Sex Strengthens Pelvic Floor Muscles
And for the women, doing a few pelvic floor muscle exercises known as Kegels during sex offers a couple of benefits. (And if you don't know what Kegels are - look it up RIGHT NOW!) You will enjoy more pleasure, and you'll also strengthen the area and help to minimize the risk of incontinence later in life.  Besides, the fact that stronger pelvic floor muscles provide for better sex for you AND your partner!

10. Sex Helps You Sleep Better
And more good news on the oxytocin... it helps promote sleep, which also helps you meet new years resolution #2 in Resolution Time post!  And we know what a great think sleep is!