Staying positive about dating - when all you get are negative dates.

I'm definitely an expert at bad dates.  In fact I've had millions of them (see one of my very first posts The Bad Date Corner about some of my worst dates - I try not to post about specific stories and instances to protect the innocent and (not so) innocent!)

But in all that is bad (and even worse) in dating and love - I try to keep an open mind and in that a positive outlook on it.  If I didn't - I'd probably be alone forever... (or continue to be alone forever....)  So I try to stay positive and look on the bright side.  I try to think of every date and dating experience and every man as "practice" for the man I'm ultimately going to be with (at this point - he's in for a treat - because I've become a very practiced dater... and ummm, a practiced something else as well, I shall leave to your imagination - but lets just say he won't be disappointed there either...) 

I think we (BOTH men and women) have to stay over all positive about dating, just to keep our heads on straight.  And I say overall, because no one is perfect, and we all need to take breaks - be negative, and hate the other gender once in awhile.  Hell, you can even be positive about dating and not know what the fuck is wrong with the other gender (sometimes I think species).  I will be the first one to admit and say that women are NO picnic (and I'm obviously a woman myself!).  I don't envy men in that they have to put up with and love a woman - I could never do so, women drive me crazy.  Of course, men do as well - but in another GREAT and yet exciting way (ohh, if  only I could tell you my dreams - but that would incriminate myself and I cannot do that!). 

So here are 7 Ways to Say Positive About Dating from Yourtango.com.  As always, I need the advice as much as you guys do.  So lets all read and think about it, my words in Italic per usual

1.  Be Picky.
Nothing makes dating more tedious than going out with guys who you're probably not going to like. Sure it's good to have an open mind, but lower your standards too much and you'll end up with night after night of bad dates.  Been there.  I cannot count the amount of dates I've done on with a gut feeling prior to the date of, "I don't think this is going to work...." Granted, I probably always have that feeling - and most of the time it doesn't work... so I'm not sure how reliable that gut feeling is.  But, I will tell you, that its definitely not wroth it to waste your time - even if it is just for a dinner or a coffee with someone you know you couldn't give two shits about! 

2. Have a life.
See your friends and family. Do the things you love (hobbies, exercise, curl up with a good book, whatever). Don't let dating consume all of your free time. Wait a second?  You mean that when you meet a guy it suddenly shouldn't be ALL about him and NOTHING else?  No, really?  So that's what I've been doing wrong :)  I can't tell you how many friends have "ditched" me for a guy, then come back and still wanted to be friends.  Call me a bitch, but I don't play that game, if you have to chose between him and me - choose him and don't come back to me - I don't have the time for you.  You still have lots of time in the relationship for friends and romance - choose both and you won't have an issue.

3. Date against type.
Yeah, I know that may seem like a contradiction to number one. I'm not suggesting you look lower, I'm saying look wider. Try dating a type of guy who you've never considered before.  Don't go overboard with this one.  You have a type for a reason.  Please, if you like the squeaky clean type - don't go straight away for the bad, boy motorcycle parole.  Maybe, go from squeaky clean to a guy to a hipster with a Wall Street job.  Yes, going outside your type can be exciting and you might find the man you are looking for in a world that is quite unlike your own - just a little bit of new excitement might be enough - but don't bend on your "must have's!"

4. Break your habits. Meeting all of your dates at the corner Starbucks may seem practical and easy, but it gets monotonous fast. One of the best things about dating can be discovering new bars, cafes and restaurants in addition to new men.   First off, let me say, I LOVE the Starbucks first date - and easy in and easy out if the date goes bad, and a very easy way to expend it if it goes well.  And the second note, I'm very much a creature of habit and those habits make me comfortable and all that.  Granted, maybe that's why I'm still single at the ripe ol' age of 30 - ancient in Midwest times - young in the eastern timezone.  I can definitely see where breaking the habits of past wrongs would help you stay positive about dating - how can you not feel good about what you are doing if you are always doing something new?


5. Treat yourself. Dating can be a great excuse (not that you need one!) to buy new lipstick, get your nails done, or splurge on a hot new pair of red shoes. Ah, red shoes…  Anything that says, "Treat yourself AND SHOES" in the same sentence is a PERFECT thought for me.  Lets go SHOPPING!


6. Remember why you're dating in the first place. I find it helpful to remind myself, frequently, that the rewards of a good relationship far outweigh the stress or humiliation of any bad date (or string of bad dates). You're the tortoise here, not the hare.  Shit, I really might need a reminder here.  Can anyone tell me why I continue to date after all this bullshit?  Yeah, I don't know either.


7. Give yourself a vacation from dating (i.e, take a break). Your dating vacation should have a set beginning and end. Maybe it's a month, maybe more, maybe less. Decide how long of a vacation you need and then do it. As with any good vacation, you'll return refreshed and renewed, only maybe a little more horny  Dating vacation.  I'm there, been there for MONTHS now.  Granted, I didn't set a start and end date (maybe I should have!!!).  End TBD, I guess I'm just waiting for my man in shining armour to pick me up. Anyone, Anyone?