9. You Definitely Shouldn't Fantasize About Someone Else
Ian Kerner, PhD and editor-in-cheif of Good in Bed says that "In my experience, woman fantasize way more than men do. Men tend to only fantasize if they're bored and want to keep themselves aroused. Women are often very engaged by the sex they're having and fantasize anyway -- it's a great way to mentally deactivate." And you know what that means... No, you dont'? Ohh, ok - well let me tell you. Fantasies are fine! They keep the fire alive. They are just that - fantasies, not reality. Frisky.com says, "Get as raunchy as you want to within the four walls of your mind. And, really, who's gonna know?" And I really like that advice, of course, anything that says, "raunchy" is an A+ in my book. And note, for those who find themselves in bed with that dreaded tiny peen or that guy who is just really shitty at sex... fantasizing... it can help you get through a very horrid sexual experience and turn it into a mildly ok one. Trust me, I'm a frequent fantasizer, if you catch my drift. But these fantasies, not needed quite as much if you catch a good one!
8 . Toys Will Scare Him
Toys? Like Tonka Trucks. Yeah, no. Here's a fact for you guys... Women already know this! only 30% of woman orgasm from intercourse alone. Thefrisky.com suggests the "wevibe" a sextoy that can be used during intercourse for both you and him... I have to say, I'm a true fan of the sex toy in alone play, but I can't say I've introduced it into couple play - not that the thought hasn't crossed my mind...
7. Men Really Don't Like "Going There"
Our new friend, Ian Kerner also wrote a book called, "She Comes First"... a book about men "going down on women." OK, women... please a round of applause for Mr. Kerner! Thank you! Now men, please click on the link to the left, get over your fears of it, and suck it up (pun maybe intended...) and buy the book and please learn... Now, Mr. Kerner says that "In my experience, 90 percent of discomfort around oral sex comes from women who are afraid they don't taste or smell good, or are afraid they're taking too long. Women need to know that guys love doing this, and it allows them to relax and enjoy in a way they often can't during sex." Now, I don't know about this. I would say I run about a 50/50 percentage, half the guys are ok with it, half act like "down there" is toxic. Of course - shit - maybe it's me. Fuck. I hope not.
6.You Have to Be "In the Mood" to Do It
More research (again, what's with all these little stupid articles I find and all these obscure research studies - obviously someone is funding this stuff somewhere!). Apparently the latest female sexuality research is focused on "mindfulness" - a fancy buzz word meaning that we have a hard time transitioning from non-sexual thought to sexual thought. So what about us that always has part of our brain thinking about sex (maybe because we are feeling a wee bit deprived...) A Sex Therapist (yes, it's a real job and not just in the movies), Louanne Cole Weston provides the following advice for those who have a hard time turning the switch from on to off in sexual thoughts....
1) Focus on the "transitions." from on to off. It might mean a long hot bath or a short massage (now I much prefer the longer massages, but that's just me). "They're little acts that allow women to fully be there during sex as opposed to being persuaded into it,"
2) the mindfulness part: When the actual act of sex and/or foreplay starts (some people have strange definitions of both)... , try breathing in and out, focusing on your breath, then honing in on the silkiness of the sheets, the smoothness of his skin, or the taste of the dark-chocolate-dipped strawberries he's lovingly feeding you. (yeah, who gets that kind of romance - certainly not me - I'm lucky if I can get kisses before a wham! bam! thank you ma'am!) This careful attention to sensual detail can be what it takes to get you in the mood -- even if you thought that's the last place you wanted to be.
OK. Of course you should talk sex, IN GENERAL, with your friends. Who is going to tell you the best tricks, tips and techniques. Yes, I'm serious. Don't give nasty details including who you are sleeping with. No one wants to be able to picture exactly the act, including the person. That just puts too many pictures in someone's head, and if they want to hear exactly about it - they are a freak and probably you don't want them to be your friend anyway.... But outside of your friends, keep mumm. Your gossipy coworker doesn't need to know about your sex life (umm, I can provide you that nugget of advice from experience), and no one really cares about how good you are at bjs - well, unless you write a semi popular anonymous blog that is fairly well received and read around the world (know anyone like this?)
4. You Should Never Do It on the First Date
Humm, let me start out by saying, I'm guilty of putting out on the first date. I'm also guilty of walking out within 15 min of starting a first date. I've also been stood up, and been left halfway through a first date. Hell, first dates are not exactly my favorite. If it was my choice I would skip to date 4 or 5 if I could. Frisky.com says that, "By all means, act on your right to extract as much pleasure from the evening as possible. And without sounding like your mother, we'd just like to say this: Anyone who tells you otherwise is just jealous. There will likely come a time when these where-am-I-who-is-he? mornings are things of the past, and the only thing you'll regret then is passing up the chance." And I'll take their quote on this one.
I am in 100% agreement with thefrisky.com when they say, "It is never OK to fake it." Thank god someone has finally said that. When you women fake it - you are doing nothing for yourself - or womenkind in general. You are only just encouraging bad behavior in men. If they think they are pleasuring you and doing it ALL wrong and achieving the end goal, you are just teaching them bad behaviors. Seriously, don't let them get away with that. Tell him the truth, don't just do it for you - do it for all the woman that will follow you. Please, and thank you.
2. Porn Is the Enemy
OK, take porn for what it is. Actors and Actresses acting out fantasies on screen. No, you don't have to pretend you are one of them - they are professionals, if you can't bend (or stretch ) like that - it's fine! Use a modification of that pose, or a modification of that idea and use it as a way to turn each other on.
1. It Has to Be Perfect
Sex is not perfect, in fact it's pretty messy if it's good, and if you are too worried about your body being perfect or your underwear being perfect you aren't going to enjoy yourself. So relax. Please just sit back and relax (but not too much - no one wants a lazy fish lover!). Sex is awkward, arms, legs and torsos can get mixed up and end up everywhere. Laughter is the best medicine (and to be arguably the biggest turn on!) If you aren't having fun, call me up... I'll switch places with you and I'm sure I'll have fun with your man.
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