Resolution Time

So, good by 2010 and hello 2011.  Today is December 31st and the last day of 2010 and the day many of us sit down and make resolutions for the new year.  Granted, most of these resolutions are dead by Valentine's Day anyway, but it's a nice thought, right?  Back when I used to be good about the gym (new years resolution #1) it would be PACKED the first couple of weeks in January, but by mid February everything would be back to normal.  Same goes for all those other typical resolutions, eating healthy, saving money, etc.  Most of us are so gung-ho in the beginning but lose a little bit of steam when realities kick in. 

So, how about this year lets make some resolutions we can stick to? 

1. Have more sex.
Regardless of if you are married, engaged, single or whatnot. Having sex is good for you.  Depending on the type of act you do, you can burn some major calories, check out this list --> http://www.c4vct.com/kym/humor/csex.htm  I'm not sure of the validity, but if you add up all the actions you do during one round, you can get quite a workout, you don't sweat for nothing!  Now, a more reliable source, CBSNews, along with WebMD estimates the calorie burn at 85 cal/30 min session - and that's nothing to shake your fist at! 

2. Get more Sleep
I don't know about you, but I LOVE sleeping, love naps.  I just overall love my bed.  What can I say?  And guess what?  Sleep is good for you, and getting more is always better - unless you are a lazy ass and sleep all day.  So how about making a resolution this year to actually get more sleep?  Sounds pretty good huh?  And guess what?  WebMD (and these are the smart people!) say that just an extra hour to add up to the recommend seven or eight hours can make a huge difference in your life.  It can mean better health, better sex, less pain, lower risk of injury, better mood, better weight control, clearer thinking, better memory, and stronger immunity. http://www.webmd.com/sleep-disorders/features/9-reasons-to-sleep-more?

Got any other good resolutions?

Inappropriate Places to Flirt

So flirting is fun, right?  I was under the impression that a little flirting never hurt anyone - but oh man I was wrong!  According to the website, The Frisky.com - there are some very inappropriate places to flirt - one juror in Connecticut murder trial passed a note to the court Marshall asking him for a date.  Ooops,  the juror was chastised by the judge - no shit.  Seriously, how stupid is that?  The judge told the juror that while he (the judge) was a "a romantic at heart," sending the note was a "goddamn dumb thing to do."  I would have to agree - that is unless, you are obviously hitting on the murder suspect - then by all means - knock yourself out!

So according to the Frisky.com, here are the other Top 10 inappropriate places to first, I'm sure I've made these mistakes, you?

1. A hospital waiting room
The hospital waiting room is a place of anxiety - people are anxious about tests they are about to take, results they are about to be, and all the shit that they have.  Never mind the sickness and the germs that they are carrying on their person.  I don't know about you, but I've spent a fair amount of time in hospital waiting rooms, and I've never once seen a person I would like to flirt with, people are usually sick and looking pretty nasty - and those are the ones you want to stay far away from.  Or you have the ones that are looking obviously stressed, and you don't want to bug them either.  Mostly, you just want to bury yourself in your reading material, a hospital (or even doctor's waiting room) is all about avoiding contact - not making it!

2. The gym
No, really??  Seriously?  I have to say that I thought that the gym would be a great place to pick up people (not that I have been there in ages, and the gym that I go to is filled with the gay men - which are great eye candy)  Anyway, The Frisky says that in the gym - for a lot of people the last thing that they want to deal with in the gym is someone hitting on them while they are working out.  OK, I get that.  But I also know a lot of silly little girls who dress the part for the gym just to impress the boys - yeah, I don't like those girls....
3. A funeral
Duh, No shit.  If you are dumb enough to flirt at a funeral - you don't deserve ever to have anyone.
4. A job interview
A bit of friendly banter at a job interview is encouraged of course, it's encouraged to show your friendly side to a future employer.  But unless you are not interested in a new job, leave the flirting and footsy out of the interview room.  There are enough men and/or women in the world to keep it in your pants during an interview.  Besides, why blow a future job opportunity?  In this day and age, job opportunities are few and far between!

5. In the underwear section of a department store
The Frisky.com says that you should probably wait until at least having dinner together before you know what kind of underwear the other wears.  I say, it's probably very strange that you are hanging out in the opposite sex's underwear section (unless you have a significant other, and if you do you shouldn't be flirting anyway!)  But if you find yourself in the underwear section - I say, knock yourself out flirting.
6. In line for the bathroom
The Frisky.com says that no one feels sexy with a full bladder, I would have to agree... Full bladder has to be the most uncomfortable feeling in the world, and that's all you can concentrate on.  Save the flirting for the women on the way out.  After a little freshening up in the bathroom she'll feel like she's looking good - and you'll have an in anyway.  Lets be serious men never have that full bladder feeling... 

7. Your therapy appointment
Oh damn, if a person dares even catch your eye when you are waiting at a therapists office... not good.  Seriously, no one really wants to be there.  And you don't really want anyone to know you are there.  Seriously don't flirt there, especially if you expect to get anything.
8. A parent-teacher conference
Haven't you seen any television or movies?  When a parent hits on a teacher nothing good happens of it!  NOTHING.  I don't care if your kids teacher looks exactly like the librarian out of the hottest porn - just watch the porn when you get home. . .
9. On a date with someone else

Unfortunately, sadly... I think most of us have been there.  We are on a date, and our date finds someone more interesting to flirt with (oh, wait... most of us haven't?... Well, I HAVE.)  Flirting with someone else while on a date with another is just not classy.  And it makes your date feel like a real asshole.  If the date is going that badly, just end it. 

10. At work
OK, admittedly... I have had good and bad experiences with flirting at work.  I will have to say... be careful.  But err on the side of VERY cautious. 

Last minute shopping? Try Online Dating Gift Cards...

Yes, I'm not kidding.  Tonight, I was going to write a cutesy post wishing everyone a Merry Christmas and thanking you all for visiting and following my blog for the last couple of months.  But in usual fashion... I got distracted!  I googled, "dating and Christmas" for a possible quick one liner or something cutesy. 

So, according to ADInews.com, one of the "best" last minute Christmas gifts is an online dating gift membership.  Apparently, it became a very popular gift last year.  My guess is it's the gift of choice by noisy mothers and grandmothers who are a just a little too interested in your single status (whether you are male or female).  Nothing like waking up on Christmas morning and opening a gift card... saying that you are alone.  Talk about a buzz kill.  Note, that many singles are already feeling a bit depressed this time of the year because they are constantly reminded they are single, let's just rub it in a little more. 

My advice, just don't.  Don't ever give a gift of online dating membership!  I'm a huge proponent of online dating, but choosing to do so should always be the choice of the individual!

Phallic "uncircumcised" Boots.

Just a quick comment.  I love shoes, boots, anything really that goes on my feet (I even have a love affair with crocs - don't judge me! they are super super comfortable, and every shoe has it's function...)

Anyway, lately, I've seen boots that look like the ones to the left.  Not necessary with the buckles, but the "shaft" that goes down over the foot.  Now, maybe it's just me, but when I see these boots, all I can see in my head is a big ol' uncircumcised dick.  With the little shoe "head" popping out. 

I have no idea how in the hell this is attractive at all.  Just a comment, and a thought.  Back to your regularly scheduled programs.

How do you flirt?

More of those researchers have been researching - this time on how people flirt.  Dr. Jeffrey Hall, at the University of Kansas has been interviewing people about their flirting styles, dating histories, and have come up with 5 basic styles of flirting.  Everyone basically fits into one of these categories, and learning about your style (or lack of style) of flirting can help you hone your skills and maybe pick up the man or woman of your dreams. 

One can only assume that if you understand how you flirt that it can only help you flirt better and more effectively!  So keep reading, and let someone crazy Physiological Doctor who lives out in farm country help you. 

1.  The Physical Flirt:
Those woman and men who aren't afraid to express a sexual interest in the man and/or woman they are interested in (I'm being fair here, all sexual interests are welcomed here!)  The physical flirt fall into relationships quickly and deeply.  They have a lot of emotional connections and red hot sexual chemistry that burns hard and fast.  You know the type.  She wears the red hot dress and leads with her lips.  She falls in love quickly but also falls out of love as quickly. 

2. The Traditional Flirt:
Traditional Flirts have old-school values and tend to think that men should pursue women (think Patti Stanger and Millionaire Matchmaker style).  The Male traditional flirt usually believes that the male should get to know the woman as a person before he tries to date her as a woman.   Now the traditional woman flirt often has a very hard time, because by her own standards, she really can't flirt. 


3. The Polite Flirt:

The Polite Flirts follow all the rules (yeah, probably not all that fun!)  and flirt in a non-sexual manner.  The polite flirt is slow to approach a person they are interested in - but once they enter a relationship - those relationships are meaningful and long. 

4. The Sincere Flirt:
The sincere flirt is exactly that - sincere.  They want to know exactly how you are doing, what you are like and want to make a sincere emotional connection with you.  More woman prefer this flirting method than men (and I'm not saying this is because men are not sincere - this is what the researchers say!!! Take it as they say.)  But the relationships of the sincere flirts tend to be meaningful - which is always a positive thing.

5. The Playful Flirt:
While it sounds like a positive thing... playful sounds fun... right?  Oh, but no!  Playful flirts, flirt not as a "means to an end" but rather for their own self esteem.  According to Dr. Hall, most playful flirts aren't interested in long term dating - and are less likely to have meaningful relationships.  But ... with all their playful flirting - they feel damn good about themselves!

So?  I will not tell you what I think I am... I'll leave that up to you.  I'm sure you can peg that pretty easily :)  How about you/  What are you?  Does it help or even hurt you dating?

Hey guys, notice THIS!

I'm a girl (and not one of those who bitches about being called a woman either!) and I think askmen.com has some really awesome articles.  Today, Top 10 things she wants you to notice. 

So, guys... Word to the wise.  If you want to get laid or anything related to that, take note.  Notice these things, or at least some of them!  If you don't, she's going to get all huffy and it's just not in your best interest.

In reverse order according to askmen.com (but I have to say, I don't think it really matters what order they are in!)

Number TEN: Her Shoes.  You don't have to have a shoe fetish to notice her shoes (although, from one shoe lover ... from experience dating a guy with a shoe fetish is damn fun - it gives you a reason to buy really cute high heals and a reason to wear them!  I highly recommend it.  What I don't recommend are the weird ass guys who take the shoe fetish thing to extremes, he can like you IN your shoes, but if he likes the shoes more than he likes you - let him have the shoes and move on!).  OK, back to the shoes....  guys, a woman’s posture, gait and presence are noticeably changed when she wears high heels, you actually do notice it, even if you don't think you do.  High heels also apparently make make our legs look longer (excellent for short people like me!), highlight our asses and re-angle her torso to make our boobs stand out.  All excellent features.  And let me tell you, for the most part, we wear these shoes to look hot, and why do we look hot?  well, for nothing other than for the men we are trying (or have) to attract.  So take note, and maybe say something next time. 

Number NINE: That she's funny. I've reviewed a lot of online profiles in my day, and also talked to a lot of friends (and other people) about what they want in a significant other (whether it be male/female/other - you never know!) and not once have I heard, "I want someone who doesn't have a sense of humor." or "I don't want someone that is funny."  Got it?  Of course we all want someone that makes us laugh.  Laughing is often the only thing that makes the day worth it.  When you are stressed and feel like giving it all up, a good joke can make it all better.  So, if your girl makes you laugh, if she's funny - guys just tell her.  Askmen.com suggests that it could be as simple as saying, My friends thought you were a lot of fun,” or just laughing genuinely when she shows off her comedic timing.  All I say is just laugh with her, and definitely not at her.  But don't blow smoke up her ass if she's not funny... she'll just continue to tell the same stupid jokes, and that's not helping anyone!  The same is true for guys, not funny is not funny.  And encouraging not funny is just not good.

Number EIGHT: That she smells different. This one I shall refer to Askmen, as I'm not a real fragrance type of girl, although I know many girls and guys that are.  Askmen says that girls really do want you to notice our scent and if we change our signature scent.  According to them, we pay close attention to the way we smell, finding the perfect balance of perfume, lotion and other scented products. and when we change that signature scent we want you to notice.  Humm, I guess they are saying, because I don't pay attention - I stink, in more ways than one.  But then again, I do wear perfume on occasion - maybe I do want the man to notice my signature scent, then again - the rule about perfume or cologne is that you don't really want him/her to notice it really, but just rather sense that you are smelling good, right? 

Number SEVEN: That she cleaned up.  Oh yes, lets follow one that's not so great with one that is HUGE.  A guy comes to a girls place and he better say something.  Even if it's just about the general theme of your apartment, house, dwelling... he better compliment something!  Now, if this guy is a regular visitor to your humble home - he should notice if you've cleaned up, made some changes, etc.  Now, for me... a girl who isn't exactly the best housekeeper in the world, these words of encouragement are VERY helpful in motivating me to keep a clean home, and also note, the more visitors I have the more often I clean, or keep it clean. But without any visitors I let the place look like ... well... it's hard to explain.  Lets just say, I've had people say they've never seen anything like it.  So, compliment me (or any woman) on the clean house - it helps maintain cleanliness!  

Number SIX: That she's been working out.  Probably the number one fatal mistake a man can make around a woman is not notice that she's either lost weight or is looking more toned.  So guys, seriously - even if you are wrong, always compliment a girl on her workouts (even if you think she's just going to the gym to gossip or show off her fancy workout gear - yeah, I've seen those bitches in the gym, stupid sluts take up the machines for the rest of us!)... Anyway, if your girl is making an attempt at getting fit, or staying fit, whatever the case may be, notice it (that is if you still want that girl - if you don't, don't notice, she'll be finding someone else!).  Besides, compliments, whether true or not, will encourage her to keep going and her looking good (or even better!) is not going to hurt you any, that's for damn sure.

Number FIVE: That she got waxed  Ouch.  I'm not sure if any of the guys out there have had hundreds of hairs ripped out by the roots, and from a very sensitive area.  Ohh and not just for "fun" but just to please YOU.  But hey, think about it.  Dude, if your woman gets waxed, down there... and you don't notice - and praise the freaking ground she walks on for doing it FOR you... you deserve to be completely dipped in hot wax yourself.  And lets see how you like it having every square inch of hair pulled off your body.  And let me tell you, I don't know about other girls, but I'm not going to wax that shit for just anyone, and I can't say I every have or ever will...  (If I ever feel the need, I'll put out the money for laser hair removal, the cost is worth it!), but dude, if she's waxing, notice it.  If you don't, you are a complete and utter asshole and you dont' deserve her. 

Number FOUR: That she got all "dolled up."  You know, it can take some girls hours to get all dressed up, with the clothes, the shoes, the makeup, the hair.  It's quite a production - that guys don't seem to understand or care about, and that's totally fine.  They/you don't have to understand the process or why we do it.  But what they do have to understand is that when it's all done and we appear before then looking all cute and shit we want to hear that.  It doesn't have to be some long drawn out ... "you are so beautiful, blah, blah, blah" Although that's great to hear.  But hey guys, something short and simple, like, "Wow, babe, you look amazing!" Makes the hours in front of the mirror worth it.  Don't ignore or get mad about the time we were in the bathroom, we want to look cute/hot/spectacular - especially if we are going out with you.  We want to look good on your arms, and you should want us to look good too!

Number THREE: That she has prepared an "occasion."  This one was a new one to me, again I shall refer to Askmen.  The website says that it's important to acknowledge when your woman makes an effort to create a special atmosphere for the two of you - such as  making an elaborate dinner or placing candles around the bedroom, otherwise known as an "occasion."  And to do so in return.  I guess the easiest way to put this is, when she puts effort into doing special things for you don't take it for granted, and for god sake don't let HER do all the work... you are supposed to do it as well.  If your relationship is a nice 80/20 split and she's taking the brunt of the 80%, she's going to go find some other dude that is going to provide a much higher percentage.  I like to think that both parties in a relationship should be putting in 60%, that way there is a good 20% leftover spillage to fill in the cracks when someone falls a little behind. 

Number TWO: That she has a new hairstyle  Ah, girls and their hair.  We love our hair - short, long, curly, wavy, straight.  But what we don't love is when you guys don't notice when we change it.  And I have to admit it, us girls, we notice very subtle changes and think it's HUGE.  Girls change their hair from auburn to copper and expect you to notice (hell, I don't even notice!).  It's not easy.  Just try, error on the side of, "Your hair looks great." and she might have changed it by just doing it differently or getting a whole new style at the salon - you are golden.  But dude, if you know she was going to the salon for a big cut, color and style.... MAKE SURE to compliment her on the results when you see her next. 

and .... Number ONE: That she's wearing new lingerie.  Yeah, I get it.  When you are getting down to business you just want to rip our clothes off.  But we often take time to pick out special bras and underwear sets just to turn you on.  So damn it, take a second, or even a millisecond to appreciate it.  Then rip it off and have your way with us. 

CL Strikes Again... "Must be able to pronounce the word cuntmuscle."

Now, this is not a Craig's List ad I found on my own.  I give full credit to one of my favorite websites, regretsy.com.  Now, I'm not exactly sure why regretsy, a site that posts silly, stupid and outright ridiculous products on another one of my favorite sites, etsy.com, posted this CL ad... but I don't care.  This is a good one. 

Mexican Guy Needed for Boom Box Performance (Brooklyn)

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Date: 2010-12-15, 6:46PM EST
Reply to: job-kk4vb-2115000816@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]
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Looking for Mexican dude to stand outside this girls house and play romantic songs through boom box.

Must have your own boom box.

Hours will be evening 6-10. Please be able to prounonce the word cuntmuscle.

That is all. This is serious. Thanks guys.


Location: Brooklyn
Compensation: Ten dollars an hour
Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster.
Please, no phone calls about this job!
Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.

PostingID: 2115000816

OK, I have no background on this post.  (but I'm a little thankful it's posted in the NYC CL and not the DC CL!).  But why is this guy looking for a Mexican?  When I see boombox and playing romantic songs all I can think of is John Cusak and Say Anything - and I don't think of Mexican there, and then throw in the whole, "cuntmuscle" thing and I'm totally lost.  Ohh, but he's serious.  And hey, $10/hour, for 4 hours, it's not too bad of money, tax free... might be worth a try, if you are Mexican, have a boom box, know how to pronounce cuntmuscle, and live in NYC.  Humm that's a lot of stipulations... I don't know.

Romance in the Snow.

OK, excuse me for a second while I veer off my path of obnoxious bitching and ranting. 

I grew up in the Midwest, where snow was a very regular occurrence from late November until often March or even April.  Now, here in the metro DC area we are lucky if we get any snow at all!  Last year we had a an amazing snow storm that people have dubbed Snowmagedon where we were dumped feet of the fluffy white stuff in just a couple of days (yes, that's a bit overkill).  But I can't help it, I just love the stuff.  And even more so, I think snow is just some of the most romantic stuff in the world.  Just go with me here.

There is just something about the quiet that takes over when it's snowing outside.  Even better when it's so quiet that you can even hear the snow falling.  Now, that's kind of hard in this place where it seems like there is always some kind of sound - sirens or trucks or something.  But sometimes it's just quiet, think late at night or in the early morning.  I like also when it's so cold you can hear the crunch of the snow.  Yeah, call me sick, but I like that kind of stuff. 

So lets add a man to this mix.  The snow falling down around you, Blanketing you in a your own little ticker tape parade.  Going in for a kiss, the heat of your kiss melting the snow falling around you.  The only thing you can hear is the blood pumping through your veins and the snow falling around you?  yeah, that's hot.  Very hot.  Also, just very romantic.  Especially because when it's snow out, there are less likely to be people around and you always feel alone, it's like mother nature made this snow just for you, and you are in your own little romantic snow globe.  You can't tell me that's not awesome.

And even better.  Is that you don't have to say out in the cold!  You can come inside and watch the snow falling!  Snuggle up by the fire (yeah, I wish I had a fireplace - but I can imagine) on a bearskin rug (ok, again - imagining).  You both have your mug of hot cocoa, hot toddies, tell whatever you want.  There is nothing like snuggling up when it's snowing outside.  Feeling like you are shut in alone until it stops snowing.  There is just a sort of romance to it.  Now, you can't tell me I'm wrong on this one.  Even if you hate snow - the snuggling by the fireplace, or even on the couch while you watch a movie is an awesome thing about snow.  It just gives you a great excuse to stay home and enjoy the one (or ones - I won't judge!) you love.  So take the opportunity, even if the ones you love are four legged (hey, until I find a man that loves both me and my dogs - my dogs are my only love!) and while it snows snuggle up and enjoy.

Ways to NOT pop the question...

One in four guys pop the question around the holidays, but it's also the month of a statistical spike in breakups.  All according to yahoo's Relationship blog, Shine.  Yes, we all think no matter what way a man asks his woman to marry him, it is all great.... but no.  There are bad ways to pop the question. 

Here are 5 bad ways, boys take them to heart.  Girls if you see them coming - you might want to think twice!

1.  Proposing in a very public place.
Evidence, see below video:

Need I say more?  Probably not, but I will, because we all know I can't keep my mouth shut (or my fingers still)  Proposing shouldn't be about everyone else, but rather just you and him - hell the marriage isn't about making a grand and very public pronouncement of your love, but rather committing to each other - so make the proposal about each other.  The last thing you need is to make her feel like you are gilting her into something just because there are a lot of people around. 

2. Putting the Ring in Food

I've always been a little scared when I see (or hear) about people dropping the ring in champagne or putting it in any kind of food item.  And there is reason for concern here.  A high level of risk exists here for that ring, especially if the man keeps the whole thing very quiet.  One slip of the tongue and that ring is in the belly and instead of on the finger, and coming out is not as pleasant as going in.  And I imagine trying to find it on the going out side is less than ideal situation, and leads to a bit of a less than exciting moment when you first put the ring on your finger.  So boys, keep that ring in the box, if you really feel the need to do some special surprise, just keep it out of food that she could possible consume.  you really don't want the next trip after the engagement to be the ER.

3. Inviting the Internet into your Private Moment
So, in the video below, some guy (obviously a bit of a IT geek - I have no hate!), spelled out "Will you Marry me" with gold coins and has his wife play Super Mario Brothers.  Now, I have to tell you, alone I think that's kind of cute (and the dog lover in me loves at the end where the beagle joins in the celebration!)  But ... it's a private moment, and I feel a little voyeristic watching the video - and that's the problem!  If you are more concerned about developing your proposal to become a viral video on you tube, than the actual proposal to the woman - you've got a problem.  And it's a big problem that will probably solve itself in less than 7 years and I'm sure you will have lots of time, by yourself, with youtube then.  And you will have all the time in the world to make your own viral videos.  Anyway, like I said in the first one, a proposal is for the man and woman involved, and you don't have to invite the whole internet - and everyone on it - in to join you. 


4. Don't propose the day you wed. 
This should probably also just be said as, Don't get married in Vegas.  Eloping, not usually a good idea. Often one party would feel like they were getting pressured into it.  Give each other time to plan and get used to the idea.  Devoting your life to another person, and legally binding to them isn't something to shake a stick at (in fact from my position right now it sounds damn right scary.)

5. Beware of the Weather
This is a new one for me.  But Shine.com had a whole list of disasters where the weather was to blame including:

- One guy had the best intentions hiking up a mountain with his girlfriend to propose. But when they got lost and the temperature dropped, they had to call in the mountain rescue services to save them. Needless to say, he never got the chance to get down on one knee.
- Another groom-to-be lost the $9000 heirloom he was about to give to his future wife when she dropped it on a rock jetty.
- Then there’s Megan Fox who was so thrilled to get a ring from Brian Austin Green that she dropped it on the beach and sent a search party to find it, without success.

Umm, that's all I need, get some predictability and don't let the weather interfere.

Charity begins at home...in bed.

I know you've heard that one about Fortune Cookies.... You know where you should always follow up with the actual fortune you find in the cookie with the words, "in bed" to find out what it really means.  Well, the fortune or piece of advice - Charity begins at home, with the phrase "in bed" fits perfectly with this next story.

A new upscale condom company based out of Colorado called Sir Richards Condom Company is set to put on a new brand of condoms on the market in high end retailers such as Fred Segal, Viceroy Hotels, Paul Smith menswear botiques, and Whole Foods grocery stoes (well, I've heard of 2 of these places, and really have only ever been to a Whole Foods...)  The condom - $13/dozen is not cheap, but for every condom sold in the United States, the manufacture is donating a condom to a developing country - you know to help prevent AIDS and stuff (good idea - but do the condoms have to be SO expensive?  What are they made from - stretchy gold?!?) 

Also, in another twist, Sir Richards has also come out with a cleaver campaign noting the vast price that a child has if the condoms are not used properly.  Umm, I would hope that's enough of a preventative.  I'm thinking - seeing the fact that it costs that much for a kid, I will pay that little but for a condom!

Oh no! Gasp! NAKED Barbies!

Oh yeah, that's right, NAKED Barbies.  Except this time, it's not because your kid brother was "exploring" the bumps on Barbies chest by taking off her clothes.  Instead, this time it's because students - Breno Cosa and Guiherme Souza of the Brother Ad School in Buenos Aires have taken pictures and made a Naked Barbie Calendar! 

Now believe it or not... Mattel, creator of the Barbie is all up in arms - they don't like their precious Barbie presented as a sex symbol and shown all naked and such.  Umm, really?  And why is this such a controversy.  I think it's pretty funny.  It's not like the Barbie is really all that hot - her body is less than a foot tall, made of plastic, her boobs are just bumps of plastic, and she's got no real holes in her - she's not even a good blow up doll substitute. Although, I have to admit, some of the pictures are kind of hot :)  You can see all the calender pictures here -->  http://www.trendhunter.com/trends/matchbox-barbie-calendar

The authors/artists/creative directors/whatever you want to call them say...

Artists Costa and Souza claim the calender is a comment on how sex is used to sell everything in society. But Matell's European spokeswoman Dr Stephanie Wegener said: "We have nothing to do with these pictures. "We don't want Barbie portrayed in this way, especially with our logo. We will be taking legal action against the creators.

Those Non - Negotiables...Just say no.

As we get older (yeah, I know that sounds so cliche!), we start to learn who we are and what we do and don't want in a relationship.  But most importantly I think we develop (or we SHOULD) develop a list of "non-negotiables."  You know those things that you will not bend on in a relationship. 

I heard them talking about this on the radio the other day - your list shouldn't be too lengthy.  Otherwise you are obviously setting yourself up for failure.  If you won't bend on a huge number of things it's going to be very difficult to find a man who fits your ideals.  You can't have this list of MUST haves that is pages and pages long.  Not only are  you setting up yourself for failure, you are setting an unrealistic expectation for men.  And if I was a man I would say far, far, far away from you.  I can't imagine a man with a list of expectations for me a mile long, I would constantly feel like I was being judged and could never relax, and never relaxing in a relationship is like always being on a first date and that sounds absolutely miserable. 

On the opposite side, you don't want to have no "non-negotiables" or a really short list, because you could and can end up with just anyone.  You have to be strong about what you don't want!  If you accept anything, you will get anything!  And anything literally means anything, and in this day and age, anything is quite a lot.  The shit that is out there is pretty damn scary! 

Once you have these non-negotiables you really have to stick to your guns.  Don't compromise!  You made these decisions for a reason (and while you were single!).  Don't make exceptions to the rule just because he's cute or because he is so great in another area.  More than likely that bad trait will come back to bite you in the ass later (speaks from a girl with personal experience!)  So stick to your guns, if he has one of  your non-negotiables, keep going!  Don't even get involved - in fact politely tell him you aren't interested and run away.

Here are some ideas of non-negotiables.  Some are mine, some are ones I've just thought about, and some are those of my friends.
1.  Smoker
2.  Drinker/Alocholic
3.  Drug User
4. Uneducated
5. Unemployed
6. Children - doesn't want them
7. Children - has them
8. Divorced
9. Currently in a relationship/Married/etc (not all that funny - guys who are n a relationship are always asking single (and married!) women out)
10. Too Short/Too Tall/Too fat/Too Skinny

New Tagline.

I was watching one of my favorite shows last night. In fact, I've been watching it a lot lately.  I have a bit of an obsession with Netflix Steaming, which I can do through my Wii.  And honestly, thank god my Wii is being used for something - the original purpose - Wii Fit has kind of fallen by the way side, and I never really got into gaming.  I loved the old school gaming - you know Mario where you couldn't go backwards, that kind of stuff.  I'm a simple girl, I don't like things too complex. 

Anyway.  For the past couple of weeks I've been watching Law and Order: Special Victims Unit (SVU) on Netflix Steaming.  Last night in one of the many episodes I watched (I often watch when I'm doing other things - working, doing homework, knitting -yes I know, I am old fashioned!) Detective Fin Tutuola said the most awesome thing after explaining to the other detectives what being on the "down low" in the black community is ... 

Don't look at me, I just know stuff.

Yes, it's perfect, yes. perfect for this blog, and perfect for me.  I shall modify it just a bit - for dramatic effect and for me.  So check in the title block of the block for my new tagline - I think you will enjoy it.  

Stuff we just don't want to hear anymore....

Not too long ago I found an article of phrases that one should never utter to a single person (Phrases never to say to a single person) And warned all of you of the consequences of such an action.  If you said any one of those tings and are now single, I apologize - but don't say I didn't warn you!

Now, about you - men?  Are there phrases that would be absolutely avoided when talking to a person of the fairer gender.  Are there phrases that are going to make that that girl run for the hills (and away from you).  Maybe make you feel like you should take up residence far from any civilization.  I saw on yahoo news that the unibomer - Ted Kaczynski 's former property is for sale in Montana.  You scare the pussy off that much - you might want to consider something like that.

So what shouldn't you say?  According to http://www.lemondrop.com/ there are the 5Tired Boy Moves We'd Like to See Laid to Rest

1.  "My Life is just really complicated right now."  Of course this gem is usually followed up by a good bye speech.  Of course we don't want to hear this - or any other excuses.  If you want to break up just tell us the truth - maybe that you just aren't into us anymore - that might be difficult but it's an easier pill to swallow from our end.  Tell us that your life is too complicated and us "fix it" girls (maybe like myself) will start trying to fix the complicated parts and your plan just backfired... Hummm, now what you gonna do?  Be honest, be truthful, and then you have nothing to worry about. 

2.  "You're upset by this?  Well maybe we shouldn't date if I upset you so much."  Hey conflict pussy... Seriously, guys who are are afraid of any type of argument, drama or conflict are not gonna last.  If a guy can't handle a little give and take once in awhile - how the hell is he going to handle the BIG problems in life, and we all know there are going to be ones - you know babies, marriage, death (the biggies and not necessarily in that order).  And other things that are not cake walks.  Is he going to shy away from anything that causes emotional pain.  If so, he's not going to last.  If he can't handle a little conflict, he can't handle a little anyone. 

3.  "Yeah, I just ran into Joanna.  You remember her, my ex?  She wants to have Dinner tomorrow, so I'll do that while you're in class, I guess."  What is it about guys... do they want us to get jealous so they can get angry at us for being jealous?  Or do they just not get it.  Sometimes I really think it's the latter.  While deep down they get that the new girl is jealous of the ex girl, they don't really consciously think about it when they go meet the ex girl for drinks, etc.  But then they'll still get mad when new girl gets upset -- even if nothing happened.  You know why guys - because the ex girl basically only asked you out for one reason and one reason only - because she wanted you back.  and You, as the man are the deciding factor - it's old vs. new.  Make up your mind and live with the consequences and if you are even thinking about cheating - don't!.

4.  "Maybe I'm just not out cut to be with someone.  It just seems like I end up hurting people..."Player or Bastard Phrase 101.  What's the best way to get rid of someone and let them down easy?  Blame yourself.  Blame his eotional well being and that you are "not ready"  THe guy was obviously trying to use you and get it over with as soon as possible. 

5.  "Oh yeah, I ended up getting a girl's number last night at the bar.  Why, does that bother you." 
Seriously dude?  Are you trying to impress me or that girl's number you got?  If I'm dating you the last thing I want to know is that you are out hitting on other women.  If other women are slipping you numbers - fine, don't tell me, and damn it - don't call them!  You are supposed to be with me.  Stay with me, be attentive!  After we break up - knock you self out with all the numbers in the world.  Tell me the statement above and you'll be needing all those numbers.
  

Cyber Sex... The "new" sex

Ahh, the kids these days - always inventing new ways to get their rocks off.  Since the internet was "invented" (by Al Gore of course) it's been chock full of porn.  They say the first internet was just a way for scientists to share information - yeah, I know better - even scientists have sex drives - they were sharing dirty pictures too!  And since there were early chat rooms there was a way to talk dirty.  I can tell you - as an elementary/middle school kid we had dial up Prodigy, and you paid by the service.  Ohhh, I got in some major trouble when that first bill came because I was just talking to random people.  Imagine what kids (and adults!) of sexual age did!  And now, we have to advent of the web cam - all hell has broken lose.  You can video anything and everything across the net - and people do.

So, what am I getting to?  Cyber sex.  Is it really sex?  All I know is that it sure leaves a whole lot to be desired when it comes to this girl!  I get the point of people in long term relationships - when that's all you can do.  When you can't see each other and your only choice is that. 

But, just to have "fun" but stroking off in front of a camera?  Yeah, I don't get that...  Do you know what's missing?  Yeah, just about everything that's good with sex - the touching, the feeling, the kissing... do I need to go on?  Yeah, I'll do some dirty talk online, but that's all about foreplay, you know build up to when we can do it in person.  I don't want to build up to when we can do it online.  That's just a let down.  Where's the touching, the feeling, the heat?  Yeah, you guys that want your cyber sex? You are probably just cheating on your significant others and just want to stay "safe". . . well, don't let me be your fake lover.  I want a real one.

The "Do NOT eat list for men who want BJ's"

So we shall revisit one of my favorite post topics today - the blow job (apparently I have mentioned the blow job in 9 separate posts: The "bad girls" burden, Obsessive women worries. You know men don't care about them... , The power of the blowjob, It's Monday, Time for a Big one, Online dating site for . . . . VIRGINS, Sex: One Sad Girls' History, or one girl's sad history. Using Dating as a "cure" for being poor, I want a new drug   and A Record Day.  Believe it or not, I actually thought it would be more! 

So, here we go again.  But this time, I'm going to give you guys (and girls to tell your guys) some real hints.  This one comes from thegloss.com - but i will tell you from life experiences - they are on the money.  There are definite food items men should avoid if they don't want their spunk to be junk.  If an they want you to be licking and sucking down there - their spunk better not be over ripe if you know what I mean.  There is nothing worse than giving a man head and having his "happy ending" be very very unhappy for you. 

So take heed, and take advice of me and thegloss.com.  Avoid these foods, especially if you are going to go down anytime soon.

#1. ASPARAGUS.  First let me tell you about my feelings about the asparagus.  It just LOOKS like little penis.  The shaft with the little head, and how about the white asparagus, yeah.  I just can't even look at the stuff without thinking about it.  Let alone eating it - besides the fact that I just think it tastes gross.  But you aren't here to read about my inner thoughts and tastes of asparagus.  Have you ever had the stuff and smelled your urine the next day?  Yes?  Now think - if it does that to your urine think about what it does to your OTHER bodily fluid... Yes.  It's not good.  Not good at all.  Please avoid. 

#2. GARLIC.  Offender #2 is very pungent, especially in it's raw form.  Garlic going in smells very different going in than going out.  Coming out, it's just not good - Personally, I can tell from feet away if someone engages in a lot of garlic eating, or if they take garlic pills for a heart condition.  And I honestly cannot stay in their presence very long, that pungent garlic spell huts me like a ton of pricks.  I get a headache and have to excuse myself.  I haven't given a bj to a real overly ambitious garlic lover, but I imagine the even is quite unforgettable.   

#3 CABBAGE (and it's family members):   Brussel Sprouts - "little cabbages" - but also, broccoli and other granaries are what are considered bitter on the taste buds on the tongue.  Note, they are bitter after your body processes them too and they come out in ejaculatory fluids as well.  Yeah, bitter in, bitter out.  So, yes... these things are good for you.  Great even.  They have awesome cancer fighting abilities.  But what good is fighting off cancer is you aren't getting bj's guys?  I will leave you  to decide...  We are waiting.  And no, putting butter and cheese on the Brussels sprouts may cover the bitter taste going in YOUR way, but it won't cover the bitter taste coming in OUR way. 

#4 ALCOHOL.  Yes, Alcohol.  I know, sad but true.  Alcohol and coffee (yes, another sad fact) make cum taste bad.  Both of these substances aren't good for the body and such, according to research, make for nasty cum.  The only bright spot is that when drinking both man and woman can drink and inhibitions (and taste buds) are dulled - therefore nasty spunk isn't noticed as much.  So word to the wise, if you are going to drink - drink enough that you are pleasantly over the edge of tasting.  That way the woman can get over the nastiness of the cum you have produced due to your alochol intake.  And with coffee, yeah... guess most of us are such screwed.  Don't drink coffee?  That's the only advice I got for you - it might not be good advice - but that's all I got - so you can only opt to take it. 

#5 PROTEIN.  Yes, I know.  Cum is already high in protein.  Those skinny ass girls watching their calories probably have refused to swallow your cum before because they were afraid it was going to make them fat (hey, I've heard stories - skinny bitches aren't worth their weight!).  But add more protein to a source of already high protein and it just gets kind of nasty.  Yeah. It's like a double negative in English - while in casual speech is sounds ok - but when you are really going for the real business it's just not kosher.  And when you are really going to town - it's not very good to be turned off by what he spits out. 

Are there other things that lead to bad cum that you don't eat?  Yup - smoking, recreational drugs, no exercises, not bathing (you smell down there and I'm not going!), and dehydration.  Otherwise, follow these recommendations actually before the do not eat list.  You can actually eat the stuff first more often than doing these things!

So what should you do?  Eat/Drink juice, fruit, lots of water, tea, spices like Cinnamon and peppermint.  I will tell you I've heard from urban lore that the men with the best tasting cum are the vegans and vegetarians.  Now I can't verify that myself, because I don't trust anyone who doesn't eat mean - seems un American - but according to this list it makes perfect sense!

What do men notice first? Boobs? Ass? No, those luscious lips!

First... get your mind out of the gutter - not THOSE lips.  Wait, maybe it's just MY mind in the gutter - but that's pretty normal - isn't it! 

According to scientists at Manchester University in the United Kingdom - when looking at a women's face, men are attracted to a woman's lips - especially if they are wearing red lipstick.  Using some kind of fancy eye-tracking software - the scientists found that in the 10 seconds after meeting a woman for the first time the average man spends more than half the time looking at her mouth.  (maybe imagining the possibilities?)

The study also shows that whether women have thin or thick lips still fall short in comparison to those who wear lipstick.  (Note to self, I might want to start wearing that lipstick I keep buying and meaning to wear!)

So note to the women out there.  Apparently nude lips with just chap stick, while easy for us - isn't the best way to meet a guy.  Go for some color - apparently red is the way to go.  But I would have to assume that a color that looks good on you is much more attractive than a red that is unattractive.  And also, go for the gloss... Anything shiny is going to attract a man, but take off some of the stickiness before you go in for the kiss - nothing is worse to a guy than getting all that yuck on their lips.