Dirty Little Secrets women keep from men

We all keep secrets.  If we didn't we'd all probably hate each other, that's for damn sure.  But what kind of dirty little secrets do women keep from men?  Yes, we do keep secrets and men, you don't want to know.  But I'll tell you - just like I share everything else.  Granted, I took this from an article, so it's not really me - so woman you can't burn ME at the steak!

1. We masturbate: Yes, it's true.  Although, as the article says, "As soon as we are alone in the house—husband leaves for the office, kids go to school, roommate goes out of town—and we have quality free time knowing no one is going to walk in on us, we masturbate." That's not exactly true... I would say, we masturbate pretty regularly, when we need a release and don't really want to work for it.  You know, as much as guys think girls can have sex whenever we want it - you still have to work for it.  Especially single girls - you can't just call someone up and instantly get an organism out of the deal - it really does take some work.  And I gotta tell you, masturbation is pretty much work free - especially if you use a vibration - such as the rabbit shown here.  Turn that sucker on, wait a couple of minutes (if that) and presto, O's to go.  No muss, no fuss. And no having to worry about anything like a man.  Sometimes I wonder why we keep the men around at all.  Oh wait, that whole touching and kissing and hugging thing that is part of sex is pretty damn good.

2.  We like to pee outside... and in the shower... and in the hot tub (but won't out of respect for everyone else in there).... OK, those are all the article's words - NOT mine.  Personally, I much prefer to pee in the bathroom, on the toilet.  I don't know what kind of weirdos were writing this article.

3. We pluck stray hairs from our toes, chin, lips, nipples, etc.  Yes, we pluck, we hate those damn hairs that just grow in weird places.  And we take a strange joy in getting rid of these little hairs.  Yes, if I find an errant hair I will pluck that sucker out and feel good about doing it - even through it hurts like a bitch - you won damn it. 

4.  We smell stuff when we are in love.  Yes, when we love you we smell anything that you were next to - your pillow, your clothes, anything - just to get a whiff of you - but don't catch us because we will feel like retards.  And to go one step more, it doesn't even have to be in love, I will smell for a guy even if I like him, just because I like his smell and it reminds me of him.  So what?  I like smells and if I smell him and it remind me of him it takes me back to that place and time when I was with him!  awww.

5. We wished we could be more open and casual about sex.  I've had my times.  I've been pretty open and casual - but the authors are thinking about a swingers party (umm, maybe watch it - a real live porno!), a threesome (I think I'm way too jealous for that shit, when there are three people, someone is always going to be left out, and I don't like being left out!), or be a dirty stripper for the night (I'm not sure what I've done when I've been really drunk - but I think I've always kept my clothes on - hopefully)

6. We hope deep down our guy friends want to sleep with us and dress and flirt so that they do - we don't want to bone them, but we want them to want us.  Umm, yeah.  Who doesn't want everyone to want us? 

7. We are not insulted by catcalls from construction workers as long as they aren't nasty or rude.  Umm, again.  I often wonder who write these.  They make me a little nervous - especially when I'm walking alone.  Maybe that's because I'm bearly 5 foot and these guys could jump down and pin me again a wall in 5 seconds flat and what could I do?  I can barely reach their balls.

8. We regularly check in on our ex's via facebook, email or texts - as long as we have technology they will never be fully out of our lives.  I will say, I don't regularly check on my ex's - but many of them are facebook friends so I see what they are doing.  I often see what they are up to, but I don't often search them out.  As for the ex's that aren't on facebook - I will search them out maybe once a year to see if they have amounted to anything. The answer is always in the negative.

9. Girls nights are full of embarrassing secrets (related to you), sneaking cigarettes or other substances and lots of drinking.  Girls nights are not the pillow fights and makeup applying you think they are.  Girls nights are nights of debaturay that you'd expect from men. 

10. We fart.  Yes, we have bodily functions.  Take it or leave it.