Those damn happy couples... what are they doing right (or wrong!)?

So, I'm not in a relationship (duh... if you've didn't know that and have been following this blog - I seriously question your sanity!)  But what about those couples that look happy (or at least appear to be happy on the outside - you can't tell me that all of them seriously just had sex... there are other reasons couples are happy, right?)... ok, so in comes a yahoo/match.com article... 6 Habits that keep couples happy.  It may not be applicable to all you single people (like me), RIGHT now, but damn it.... shouldn't we all know the way to be happy in and out of a relationship... Hint, the answer is yes.  So damn it, keep reading people.

Habit #1: Catch romance where you can
“You may start out with chocolates and roses, but the likelihood of being able to sustain that feeling with a busy schedule is pretty unlikely,” says JoAnn Magdoff, Ph.D., a New York City-based psychotherapist. Apparently, those couples that are successful in the long term (I have an excellent example in my parents - they have been together nearly 35 years and are still extremely happy!) build romance at all times - you know, outside the bedroom, and in what yahoo call's "low impact" ways such as a simple kiss or holding hands.  This makes sense.  Chocolate makes you fat, and flowers die, but saying you love me, or holding my hand or giving me a hug just shows me you love me.  Money is cheap, emotions are real. 

Habit #2: Fight fair

Yahoo says couples must learn how to fight in order to keep the chemistry alive.  If you are constantly cutting each other down it's hard to feel "mutually amorous." Debra Tobias, who has been happily married for almost 10 years to her husband Steve, agrees. “Steve and I have learned to listen to each other when we’re upset and we admit when we’re wrong,” says Tobias. “We also make a rule of never, ever saying ‘I told you so’ no matter how much we might want to say it.”  My "fighting style" is really hard core.  Ya'll should watch out for me if we ever start fighting.  If you are making a huge point, getting really worked up.  I'm liable to make a funny face and crack a joke - usually at my own expense, or maybe at yours.  But all I know is that I can't be serious for very long.  Now, if I get really pissed off, and that's rare - but if I do... you are in trouble.  I don't fight so fair.  So don't fuck up REALLY bad.  Fuck up minor and we'll have a good laugh out of it, because I know I'm going to have a lot of minor fuck ups.  You know, everyone should be able to laugh when they are fighting.  Makes it a lot easier.  There is no point to be one of those couples who are always fighting.  Those are the ones I swear fight just so they can have the makeup sex.  And really, as great as "hate sex" is - making love is so much better (not that I could really describe it to you as it's been years if at all!)

Habit #3: Nurture your separate selves
Oh yeah, take what yahoo calls, little "couple breaks," ie maintain your own hobbies, goals and friends.  If you don't you'll be one boring person and very very lonely and BORED when that person is done with you.  If you spend every waking moment with your partner, then you cut off the relationship - suddenly you have nothing to do, no friends to hang out with.  Yeah - you are lost.  Umm, stupid bitch (or asshole!) it's your own fault!  Don't lose yourself when you get in a relationship.  Personally, I need my own "me" time.  If I dont' get time to myself and some alone time I'm one nasty bitch.  And I'm talking about just in general, I don't have a whole lot of "relationship experience" where I've spent every waking minute with a male partner, they don't want to stay that long with me - hummm, maybe that should tell me something!

Habit #4: Take on a project together
OK, so maintain your own hobbies, but do something together.  Jo Smith and her husband of four years found this out when they committed to running their first 10K together. “We were training together, carbo-loading and hydrating together, running the race together and ultimately succeeding together when we both finished,” says Smith. “It brought a whole new level of closeness to our relationship because of the time we spent learning as a duo during this endeavor.” I might not suggest running a 10K, what's sexy about huffing and puffing and sweating (oh wait, never mind)...  Doing something jointly together helps you feel like you've accomplished something, "as a team!" and brings you closer together.  Bonus points for team you.  Now, personally, if I can find a man that wants me, I have a ton of home improvement projects he can help me with and feel more than his fair share of accomplishment and then I'll feel all my rewards!  Men? Men?  Anyone looking for a woman :)

Habit #5: Don’t let your physical attraction for each other dwindle

“In interviewing people on the topic of physical intimacy, it became clear that the couples who were the most satisfied were also the ones who were open to some experimentation,” says Catlett. This isn’t to say you suddenly have to become a wild thing, though. Even returning to the basics you may have abandoned along the way — lots of kissing and eye contact, for example — can make the usual encounter feel very different… and much more intimate. Men are hot, women are hot....  it's important to keep the physical attraction alive.  I so often hear from men who bitch and complain about their women because they don't want to keep the so called magic alive.  Like I said in my previous post, Hey Bitch, Take care of your Man, women need to stop getting lazy when they are in a relationship and keep the sexiness alive. 

Habit #6: Engage in some mutual admiration
In order for chemistry between two people to thrive, there needs to be mutual respect. “It’s about putting yourself in the role of an observer of your partner,” says Magdoff. “Watch them ‘perform’ — I’m not saying they need to do a song and dance for you — just pay attention to the everyday things that remind you why you find them so special.”  That's what people forget so often.  You are with that person because they are special (right???), can't you appreciate them, can't you like what they do?  Don't be such a negative nelly and bitch about the bad things.  Look at the good and awesome things they do, and tell them.  I know it's hard these days to accept that someone might be better than you in an area (oh, I know **gasp**) but damn it, accept it and tell them.  Appreciate them for all they are and for all you love about them.  If you don't, someone else might swoop in and want them.  Personally, I can't tell you how many guys in relationships I've admired for the shit they do and wanted them myself... And then got extremely pissed off because they women treat them like shit and they follow them around like puppy dogs, and yet here I am alone.  Oh but wait, I'm not complaining at all!  Oh shit.  I better stop now!